Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. How to Re-parent Your Body After Toxic Relationship, Abuse (Clip: Skopje Seminar, May 2025)

1. 00:00 of manifestations, bodily manifestations and you would do well to investigate them. I mentioned that I mentioned that the first thing we should focus on is the body in when we try to heal and recover and within the body there are three aspects that we should focus on. Attention, regulation and protection. You should pay attention to your body. You should regularly talk to your body. You should monitor your body. You should compare data across time. Longitudinal, you should have a longitudinal aspect of of manifestations, bodily manifestations and you would do well to investigate them. I mentioned that I mentioned that the first thing we should focus on is the body in when we try to heal and recover and within the body there are three aspects that we should focus on. Attention, regulation and protection. You should pay attention to your body. You should regularly talk to your body. You should monitor your body. You should compare data across time. Longitudinal, you should have a longitudinal aspect of
2. 00:35 your body across time. You should be alert and attuned to the way your body is changing. It’s trying to talk to you. It’s trying to inform you of something. This is you need to pay attention and you need to selfmpathize. You need to empathize with yourself. The same way we empathize with other people. When you empathize with yourself, you are more attuned to what’s happening to you and you’re more able to find connections. And of course, that’s the first step towards healing. Um, it’s an alliance. your body across time. You should be alert and attuned to the way your body is changing. It’s trying to talk to you. It’s trying to inform you of something. This is you need to pay attention and you need to selfmpathize. You need to empathize with yourself. The same way we empathize with other people. When you empathize with yourself, you are more attuned to what’s happening to you and you’re more able to find connections. And of course, that’s the first step towards healing. Um, it’s an alliance.
3. 01:06 You should regard your body as an ally, not as an enemy. It’s very, very easy to regard your body as an enemy when you have a chronic condition, when you have a disease, when you have a wound. You’re angry at your body. Even if you don’t admit it, even if you don’t realize it, even if it’s unconscious, you’re angry at your body. Your body is betraying you. Body is supposed to never go never go wrong. Your body is supposed to always function. And here it is. Here it is compromising you. Here it is You should regard your body as an ally, not as an enemy. It’s very, very easy to regard your body as an enemy when you have a chronic condition, when you have a disease, when you have a wound. You’re angry at your body. Even if you don’t admit it, even if you don’t realize it, even if it’s unconscious, you’re angry at your body. Your body is betraying you. Body is supposed to never go never go wrong. Your body is supposed to always function. And here it is. Here it is compromising you. Here it is
4. 01:34 attacking you. Here it is not giving you what you deserve. It’s very childish. The relationship with the body is the first relationship we have, not with mother, with the body. The first relationship we have, the first second we are born is a relationship with our bodies. And so we learn that this relationship with the body underlies everything else and should never go, should never go wrong. And then when it does go wrong, we’re angry the way babies are angry when they are frustrated. It’s a reaction of attacking you. Here it is not giving you what you deserve. It’s very childish. The relationship with the body is the first relationship we have, not with mother, with the body. The first relationship we have, the first second we are born is a relationship with our bodies. And so we learn that this relationship with the body underlies everything else and should never go, should never go wrong. And then when it does go wrong, we’re angry the way babies are angry when they are frustrated. It’s a reaction of
5. 02:05 frustration and we tend to alienate the body. We feel estranged. Estrangement is a clinical term. Arangement is when when you feel uncomfortable inside your body. When you feel that your body is a stranger. That’s why we call it estrangement. Arangement happens also in extreme conditions, extreme stress which leads for example to dissociation and so on. Borderline people with borderline personality disorder experience estrangement very often. People with psychotic disorders experience estrangement very often. Arangement is frustration and we tend to alienate the body. We feel estranged. Estrangement is a clinical term. Arangement is when when you feel uncomfortable inside your body. When you feel that your body is a stranger. That’s why we call it estrangement. Arangement happens also in extreme conditions, extreme stress which leads for example to dissociation and so on. Borderline people with borderline personality disorder experience estrangement very often. People with psychotic disorders experience estrangement very often. Arangement is
6. 02:40 also a dissociative uh disorder. Depersonalization is a form of estrangement. So what I’m trying to tell you is your body is not your enemy. When your body goes wrong, it’s either because you’re doing something wrong or because it’s trying to tell you something. It’s trying to tell you something. And you need to strike, you need to strike an alliance with your body. You need to be allies. And your common enemy is the abuse. Your common enemy is a disease. your common enemies, also a dissociative uh disorder. Depersonalization is a form of estrangement. So what I’m trying to tell you is your body is not your enemy. When your body goes wrong, it’s either because you’re doing something wrong or because it’s trying to tell you something. It’s trying to tell you something. And you need to strike, you need to strike an alliance with your body. You need to be allies. And your common enemy is the abuse. Your common enemy is a disease. your common enemies,
7. 03:10 you know, but you are friends with your body. This your body has your back. And victims of narcissistic abuse very often are angry. They have what we call diffuse anger. They’re angry. They cannot take it out of the narcissist. So they displace the anger. They displace the anger and they become angry at themselves. Rather than be angry at the narcissist who is not there, who is not available and couldn’t care less, they redirect the anger, they internalize the anger at themselves. They become angry at their you know, but you are friends with your body. This your body has your back. And victims of narcissistic abuse very often are angry. They have what we call diffuse anger. They’re angry. They cannot take it out of the narcissist. So they displace the anger. They displace the anger and they become angry at themselves. Rather than be angry at the narcissist who is not there, who is not available and couldn’t care less, they redirect the anger, they internalize the anger at themselves. They become angry at their
8. 03:45 bodies. They become angry at their dysfunctions. They become angry at their decisions. They become so they become self-disparaging. They reject themselves. And this is known as autoplastic defenses. It’s unhealthy. Of course, if you ignore your body, you ignore your body at your peril. So attention is the first element. The second element is regulation. You need to be in control. You need to reestablish an internal locus of control. So you need to you need to accept or you need to acknowledge or you bodies. They become angry at their dysfunctions. They become angry at their decisions. They become so they become self-disparaging. They reject themselves. And this is known as autoplastic defenses. It’s unhealthy. Of course, if you ignore your body, you ignore your body at your peril. So attention is the first element. The second element is regulation. You need to be in control. You need to reestablish an internal locus of control. So you need to you need to accept or you need to acknowledge or you
9. 04:16 need to to claim that you are in charge. You are the master. You are the master of everything that’s happening to your body. If necessary, you can use techniques such as imagery. You can use imagery. You can use other techniques. For example, the techniques technique used in EMDR is eye movement to allegedly cohhere or synchronize hemispheres in the brain. No one knows if it’s a placebo effect or if it’s really working, but EMDR is is pretty effective actually among treatment modalities. EMDR is one of the five most need to to claim that you are in charge. You are the master. You are the master of everything that’s happening to your body. If necessary, you can use techniques such as imagery. You can use imagery. You can use other techniques. For example, the techniques technique used in EMDR is eye movement to allegedly cohhere or synchronize hemispheres in the brain. No one knows if it’s a placebo effect or if it’s really working, but EMDR is is pretty effective actually among treatment modalities. EMDR is one of the five most
10. 04:53 effective therapies. It’s it looks completely idiotic by the way, but it’s working. And I think it’s working because it forces you to reestablish contact with your body. The EMDR forces you to think about your body, to conceptualize your body, to create imagery of your body, and then to manipulate your body. It’s one element of your body, one part of the anatomy, but you at least are in control of that part. And so I think the placebo effects of EMDR are as important as any alleged hemispheric effective therapies. It’s it looks completely idiotic by the way, but it’s working. And I think it’s working because it forces you to reestablish contact with your body. The EMDR forces you to think about your body, to conceptualize your body, to create imagery of your body, and then to manipulate your body. It’s one element of your body, one part of the anatomy, but you at least are in control of that part. And so I think the placebo effects of EMDR are as important as any alleged hemispheric
11. 05:30 interconnectivity. But it doesn’t matter because the idea is right. The the direction the orientation is completely correct. We need to master the body if necessary via imagery. And we need to to treat the body the way a parent would treat the child. Ultimately our bodies are dependent on us. Ultimately our bodies are helpless without us. Ultimately we can do anything we wish to our bodies. We can self- amputate. We can commit suicide. We can our bodies are at our mercy. There’s only one other situation which interconnectivity. But it doesn’t matter because the idea is right. The the direction the orientation is completely correct. We need to master the body if necessary via imagery. And we need to to treat the body the way a parent would treat the child. Ultimately our bodies are dependent on us. Ultimately our bodies are helpless without us. Ultimately we can do anything we wish to our bodies. We can self- amputate. We can commit suicide. We can our bodies are at our mercy. There’s only one other situation which
12. 06:08 is like that. A child a newborn. When there is a newborn that newborn is completely dependent on you. You can do anything you want to this newborn. There’s no push back. There’s no the the newborn is helpless and so on. Your body is exactly the same. It’s exactly the same. Think about it for a minute. It’s exactly the same. So, your body is your baby. And you need to develop a parental relationship with the body, a relationship of custodianship, of guardianship, a relationship of is like that. A child a newborn. When there is a newborn that newborn is completely dependent on you. You can do anything you want to this newborn. There’s no push back. There’s no the the newborn is helpless and so on. Your body is exactly the same. It’s exactly the same. Think about it for a minute. It’s exactly the same. So, your body is your baby. And you need to develop a parental relationship with the body, a relationship of custodianship, of guardianship, a relationship of
13. 06:36 protection and care, and a commitment to compassionate companionship and observation and monitoring and disciplining. Absolutely. Disciplining as well, the way a parent would discipline the child. This reconception of the body as a child is very I found it very very helpful because it establishes strict behavioral parameters which are very very useful and very helpful and very healthy. Ultimately regulation involves signaling. You’re signaling something to your body. Your body is signaling back. protection and care, and a commitment to compassionate companionship and observation and monitoring and disciplining. Absolutely. Disciplining as well, the way a parent would discipline the child. This reconception of the body as a child is very I found it very very helpful because it establishes strict behavioral parameters which are very very useful and very helpful and very healthy. Ultimately regulation involves signaling. You’re signaling something to your body. Your body is signaling back.
14. 07:12 There’s a lot of communication taking place. Unfortunately in in the modern world, in the postmodern world, we suppress this communication, we ignore it, we reframe it, we mock it, we ridicule it, we there is an aversion to body in the when if you were to go back to ancient Greece, if you were to go back to the Renaissance, Renaissance not not long ago, that’s 400 500 years ago, the body was central, very central natural in ancient Greece the body was it the mind was secondary it’s not you know in There’s a lot of communication taking place. Unfortunately in in the modern world, in the postmodern world, we suppress this communication, we ignore it, we reframe it, we mock it, we ridicule it, we there is an aversion to body in the when if you were to go back to ancient Greece, if you were to go back to the Renaissance, Renaissance not not long ago, that’s 400 500 years ago, the body was central, very central natural in ancient Greece the body was it the mind was secondary it’s not you know in
15. 07:50 ancient Greece in the Renaissance the emphasis was on the body Leonardo da Vinci did not paint minds he painted bodies and you know so the emphasis on the body and then what happened in the enlightenment in the enlightenment starting in the 17th century in Europe and only in Europe there was a transition from the body which was considered to Animalistic. Animals have bodies, you know, and we are not animals. We are superior to animals. The power of the intellect, the power of intelligence, the power of ancient Greece in the Renaissance the emphasis was on the body Leonardo da Vinci did not paint minds he painted bodies and you know so the emphasis on the body and then what happened in the enlightenment in the enlightenment starting in the 17th century in Europe and only in Europe there was a transition from the body which was considered to Animalistic. Animals have bodies, you know, and we are not animals. We are superior to animals. The power of the intellect, the power of intelligence, the power of
16. 08:25 science, the power of discovery that separates us from animals. Anything that has to do with animals has to be suppressed, has to be mocked, has to be put down, has to be ignored. The body. Now we have had a period like that in human history when the church disparaged sex because the church said that sex is sinful because it actually renders us bestial rendered us renders us animalistic. Anytime we reject the body, it is a major risk that we’re assuming as a species and as individuals. And we are science, the power of discovery that separates us from animals. Anything that has to do with animals has to be suppressed, has to be mocked, has to be put down, has to be ignored. The body. Now we have had a period like that in human history when the church disparaged sex because the church said that sex is sinful because it actually renders us bestial rendered us renders us animalistic. Anytime we reject the body, it is a major risk that we’re assuming as a species and as individuals. And we are
17. 09:03 living in a period of utter rejection of the body. I know you all go to a gym and exercise two hours a day or two hours a week and you all eat healthy and you think that this is your is fulfilling your obligation to the body and the rest of the time you live inside your minds not inside your bodies. The rest of the time you have no connection with your body whatsoever. When you watch a movie it has nothing to do with your body. When you read a book it has nothing to do with your body. When you surf the internet, there’s living in a period of utter rejection of the body. I know you all go to a gym and exercise two hours a day or two hours a week and you all eat healthy and you think that this is your is fulfilling your obligation to the body and the rest of the time you live inside your minds not inside your bodies. The rest of the time you have no connection with your body whatsoever. When you watch a movie it has nothing to do with your body. When you read a book it has nothing to do with your body. When you surf the internet, there’s
18. 09:37 nothing to do with your body. None of these things have anything to do with your body. And that’s how you spend most of your time. People under the age of 25 play video games 6 and a half hours a day. A day. That’s not body. That’s antibbody. So we have divorced our bodies. And one of the reasons we are not resilient, one of the reasons we succumb to so so easily to trauma and abuse and wicked people and corrupt politicians and what have you. One of the ways we have become so weak and submissive and is because we nothing to do with your body. None of these things have anything to do with your body. And that’s how you spend most of your time. People under the age of 25 play video games 6 and a half hours a day. A day. That’s not body. That’s antibbody. So we have divorced our bodies. And one of the reasons we are not resilient, one of the reasons we succumb to so so easily to trauma and abuse and wicked people and corrupt politicians and what have you. One of the ways we have become so weak and submissive and is because we
19. 10:16 don’t have a bo we are bodyless. We are disembodied. We are disembodied. Body is very important thing. It grounds you. gives you strength, source of power and we all neglect the body and I’m the last one to give you a lecture to Hector yes I I am 99% brain not even brain mind brain is too much body for me mind the last element when we discuss the body is to protect the body protection You need to be as I said parental figures. So one of the main parental roles is protection to provide protection. You need to be friends with don’t have a bo we are bodyless. We are disembodied. We are disembodied. Body is very important thing. It grounds you. gives you strength, source of power and we all neglect the body and I’m the last one to give you a lecture to Hector yes I I am 99% brain not even brain mind brain is too much body for me mind the last element when we discuss the body is to protect the body protection You need to be as I said parental figures. So one of the main parental roles is protection to provide protection. You need to be friends with
20. 11:02 the body. You need to befriend your bodies not to see your bodies as enemies. I mentioned all this custodianship and so on. You need to nurture your body and um you need to establish a hierarchy whereby the mind is the guardian or the custodian and its main role its main function is to maintain the body healthy and functioning. So there is a protective element. Attention, regulation and protection are the three uh core features of body therapy or body alignment or body alliance. So there are many many many phrases and terms in the body. You need to befriend your bodies not to see your bodies as enemies. I mentioned all this custodianship and so on. You need to nurture your body and um you need to establish a hierarchy whereby the mind is the guardian or the custodian and its main role its main function is to maintain the body healthy and functioning. So there is a protective element. Attention, regulation and protection are the three uh core features of body therapy or body alignment or body alliance. So there are many many many phrases and terms in
21. 11:46 it’s this time of year May 2026 yet another seminar and this time in ohid ohid o h r i d ohid is a world heritage site it’s one of the most beautiful cities in the world it is perched on a lake. It sports hundreds of exquisite churches, icons, a fort, and an amazing architecture. It is an undiscovered gem. You can learn more about by surfing the internet or going to the Wikipedia article. I believe that has a tourism website. And so init we’re going to hold our next seminar at the end of May 2026. it’s this time of year May 2026 yet another seminar and this time in ohid ohid o h r i d ohid is a world heritage site it’s one of the most beautiful cities in the world it is perched on a lake. It sports hundreds of exquisite churches, icons, a fort, and an amazing architecture. It is an undiscovered gem. You can learn more about by surfing the internet or going to the Wikipedia article. I believe that has a tourism website. And so init we’re going to hold our next seminar at the end of May 2026.
22. 12:38 The Vaknin Rangelovska Foundation is organizing a free seminar, no entrance fee. The seminar is going to last three and a half days. There’s going to be an opening session followed by three full days of lectures. The topic is intriguing. Suggested by Lydia Rangeloska, the narcissist relationships with parents, day one, intimate partners, day two, and his or her children, day three. a progression from a disrupted relationship with the self to even more disrupted relationships with others known in psychology The Vaknin Rangelovska Foundation is organizing a free seminar, no entrance fee. The seminar is going to last three and a half days. There’s going to be an opening session followed by three full days of lectures. The topic is intriguing. Suggested by Lydia Rangeloska, the narcissist relationships with parents, day one, intimate partners, day two, and his or her children, day three. a progression from a disrupted relationship with the self to even more disrupted relationships with others known in psychology
23. 13:22 [laughter] unsurprisingly as objects. To reserve your free place right now, write to me at sambakin, that’s my name, atgmail.com. svaknmail.com. right to reserve your place because um we are going to rent or hire a venue based on your participation. So you first come first serve the early bird takes uh the warm and so on and so forth. Write to me now. Again, a free seminar, three and a half days in the magnificent city of OID at the end of May 2026 with ma. What could go wrong? [laughter] unsurprisingly as objects. To reserve your free place right now, write to me at sambakin, that’s my name, atgmail.com. svaknmail.com. right to reserve your place because um we are going to rent or hire a venue based on your participation. So you first come first serve the early bird takes uh the warm and so on and so forth. Write to me now. Again, a free seminar, three and a half days in the magnificent city of OID at the end of May 2026 with ma. What could go wrong?