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1. 00:02 let me teach you a trick in therapy or counseling or consultation or whatever it is whenever someone talks to another person with the intention to help and this is a trick never focus on what people say focus on why they say it
2. 00:24 the motivation behind the speech act the intention behind the communication they matter much more much much more than the overt explicit content we call this the hidden text method and it’s studied deeply in philosophy and in the theory of psychotherapy this applies doubly triple
3. 00:53 Quant infinitely more to any communication with a narcissist and the reason is is the narcissist never communicates it’s an illusion whenever the narcissist says something to you ignore what he says never mind what he says or what she says yes half of all
4. 01:13 narcissist are women never mind what they say ask yourself why is he saying this why did she choose the words she has chosen what is behind the overt communication the open text and the reason is that as I said narcissists don’t communicate unless
5. 01:39 they have goals they’re goal oriented exactly like Psychopaths and narcissist interact with you condescendingly patronizingly unwillingly reluctantly but still sometimes they have to communicate they communicate with you in in order to accomplish one or four goals their
6. 02:02 communication has an aim has a purpose and these are the goals these are also the answers to the question why is he saying this why did she choose to communicate this way reason number one the narcissist is trying to impress you not to communicate
7. 02:23 with you not to talk to you not to listen to what you have to say he’s not interested he couldn’t care less you don’t exist you’re an external object but the narcissist is trying to impress you to convert you into a source of narcissistic Supply or into a potential
8. 02:41 intimate partner in a shared fantasy or or into a best friend which could be taken advantage of impression management is critical in narcissism narcissism plays an emphasis on appearance rather than substance and so the first possible answer he’s not
9. 03:03 communicating with me she is not talking to me they’re trying to impress me and they’re trying to convert me to the cause to the private religion where they have a God the fal self the second reason is confabulation narcissist as you may recall suffer memory gaps they have a
10. 03:24 problem with memory their memories are not continuous consequently they don’t have a identity in a desperate attempt to paper over the memory gaps to bridge them to bridge the abyss somehow The Narcissist confabulates it creates short stories narratives of what might have happened
11. 03:47 what possibly could have happened what plausibly had happened etc etc and then he believes his own concoctions his own inventions his own narratives his own story lines and his own scripts and he begins to regard them as facts because they emanated from him and he is God
12. 04:09 narcissists confabulate in order to make sense of their own lives and to create a semblance of continuous memory continuous working memory and consequently a fake identity so one the second reason anaris would communicate with you is that he is trying to
13. 04:28 confabulate he is trying to explain to you what probably had happened what could have happened or what was what’s the most plausible explanation for his behavior and choices and decisions and temper tantrums and outbursts whatever so confabulation the
14. 04:49 third reason is to support the narcissist grandiosity and or shared fantasy narcissists use speech they interact with you they communicate with you they talk at you they never talk to you they talk at you they lecture they’re not there to listen they’re
15. 05:08 there to lecture so and they do all this in order to butress their self-perception um and their self-image is perfect in order to somehow uphold and substantiate their grandio inflated sense of self so the speech is structured and it aims to elevate The Narcissist it
16. 05:33 aims to deify The Narcissist a form of verbal apotheosis and the speech is also intended to inculcate in you the belief that the narcissist false self is not false that the shared fantasy is not a fantasy that the narcissist grandio claims are actually the truth these are
17. 05:55 facts and so on and so forth this leads to the fourth reason the fourth reason is manipulation maavan narcissist and Psychopaths of course use speech use Communication in order to alter modify your behaviors your choices and your decisions in ways which are palatable
18. 06:21 and helpful to The Narcissist or the psychopath in short they use speech and communication to manipulate you to do the bidding to cater to their needs to fulfill their expectations to support them somehow to provide them with what they’re looking for could be sex could
19. 06:40 be money could be access could be power in the case of the psychopath narcissistic Supply in the case of the narcissist you’re beginning to see that the narcissist communication The Narcissist speech is nothing to do with the communication speech acts and speech
20. 06:57 patterns of normal healthy people The Narcissist communication and speech are weaponized these are weapons weapons in an Arsenal intended to provide the narcissis with the capacity to manage Impressions to confabulate to support his grandio fantastic
21. 07:19 self-image to introduce you or induct you or kidnap you into the Shir fantasy and ultimately to manipulate you so that you become compliant submissive obedient and match fully your representation in the narcissist mind your inject the Avatar that stands in for you your snapshot so
22. 07:47 let me recap it doesn’t matter what the narcissist says ask yourself the question why is he saying this why did she choose these words why what are they trying to do when they are communicating are they trying to impress me are they trying to confabulate to me or to lie to
23. 08:06 me if they’re psychopaths are they trying to support a self-image that is grandio and fantastic are they trying to sell me on something to sell me on a shared fantasy or in the case of the psychopath on some con some Swindle or scam and finally how are they trying to
24. 08:25 manipulate me with this particular choice of words with this particular communication with this particular content because they are they are trying to manipulate you the narcissist manipulates the the way a virus infects his manipulation is automatic it’s unconscious it’s not
25. 08:44 premeditated but the Psychopaths manipulation is scheming and cunning and called and calculated both of them make abundant use of language verbiage The Narcissist actually uses language to entrain you to brainwash you to synchronize these brain waves with yours
26. 09:06 literally by the way this has been proven in neuroscientific studies and and training is m is done by repeating the same sentences over and over and over again it’s a kind of a hypnotic trans that’s another use for the language what the narcissist says is
27. 09:26 is besides the point is irrelevant what the psychopath says is even less relevant why they say this these things why do they choose to communicate in a highly particular way with specific words and specific content this is what you should pay attention to good luck