(Starts 07:56) Harsh Truths about Narcissism (NPD), Narcissistic Abuse (with Paxton, NATV)

Summary

They're good for for the species for humanity because we live in a civilization and in a situation that requires their skills requires sorry are they narcissist too to even think that not necessarily no and it's not such a preposterous proposition these people saying these these scholars are saying that in the world as it is today you need fantasy is a solution and you need someone who is wellversed in fantasy And on the other hand, you need someone who is ruthless and callous and cruel and aggressive and decisive. If that is that if that is what rises a person to a top because they've used their narcissism that way or psycho psychotic behavior then if people.

Abuse, it's, narcissism, narcissist, Personality, Psychology, Reality, Sam Vaknin, Trauma, Vaknin Summaries

July 6, 2025

Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video.

00:00 party in. I want to keep this stretch. I have no roll on it. No, I like it. I like it. Everybody, I want everybody to
00:06 know I am honored to get Sam again in the morning and uh I had a nice brief conversation about how much uh I I adore him and uh I'm going to I'm going to
00:17 build an entire uh wing to the studio dedicated to you, Sam, because because I
00:23 got to YouTube. That's a good one. That's a good one. I like that. My daughter's going to love that part. So, you're going to keep that. Uh the reason why I would say that
00:33 to you is because we came to YouTube after the Instagram uh interview we did with you. And uh we came to YouTube and
00:40 didn't know that your video was going to be the number one video on YouTube for the past four years. So, it's been
00:46 amazing. And a lot of uh people have found you and uh they've been excited. I think I reached out to you once because
00:52 somebody was hounding us. How can I get a hold of Sam? And I was like, okay, they could just look you up on Google
00:58 you, right? I was like, and then I had to finally answer them. And I think I reached out to you uh to tell you that they we need Sam in their life. Uh I
01:06 appreciate you doing this. I I've got a number of things I want to start out with, but I'm going to pick one. Here's the one that I want to pick. Uh a number of people have reached out to us of a younger generation, uh and they have
01:19 never heard of your book before. And so could you kind of give an overview of
01:25 the benefits of your book because a lot of people have books out there and the
01:31 reason that I excited to have you is because I can always count on you to be honest and tell the truth about narcissism. I'm not calling everybody else a liar. So don't send me no hate mail. Give us the truth about narcissism
01:42 and what your book provides for the community and for the world. No, I thank you for the for the plug. But I my book
01:50 is malignant self of love narcissism revisited. It's the first book ever written about narcissistic abuse. I was
01:57 the first to describe narcissistic abuse in the in the '9s um starting in the 80s actually. So it's a bit of a pioneering book but it's now in its 10th edition
02:08 and it includes basically all the language that everyone is using today. It's the It's the mothership of
02:18 pathological narcissism. I've never I've never thought about using that, but now that you said it, I'm going to use it in my advertising for for this. The mothership. I love the way you said that. I love that. Um, historically
02:29 speaking, it's the first book ever written about the topic and for 10 years, the only book ever written about this topic. And then, you know, there
02:35 was other people adopted the language and they adopted the message in the book. message in the book is basically
02:42 that if you have a narcissist in your life, the only viable strategy is no contact. And another innovation in the book because up to that point mental health practitioners and professionals were
02:54 recommending reconciliation. They were recommending compromise. They were recommending negotiation. They
03:00 recommending you know a period of cooling off and everything which is absolutely the wrong advice in the case
03:06 of Nazism. So this book is a pioneering thing and
03:12 um over the years I've been doing I'm in this racket for 30 years. I've been doing it for 30 years. Okay. And so over the years you surprised me by saying it's a racket because I I have a question from a viewer that he uses that same word. But go ahead. Well, it's a
03:28 it's a cottage industry in the best case and a racket in the worst case. Got it. Got it. Yeah. The vast majority of of
03:35 people online who are self-proclaimed experts on narcissism, they lack the
03:42 credentials. They've contributed nothing to the field. They've never been involved in the field. And I'm talking about people with academic degrees with
03:49 PhDs in psychology and so on so forth. Yeah. People don't realize that if you have a PhD in
03:55 psychology doesn't mean that you're an expert on narcissism. So for example, I'm a professor of psychology, but I'm not an expert on on
04:03 schizophrenia or bipolar disorder or whatever. I'm not an expert on everything. I'm an expert on cluster B
04:09 personality disorders. Psychology is a vast field. So you have all these charlatans and dillans and con artists
04:16 and so on so forth and they are peddling misinformation and worse. They keep people in victimhood in a victimhood state so that they can milk them laughing all the way to the bank.
04:28 You know, it's a sponging operation. Right. Right. So, it's really bad out there. The the scene is is highly
04:35 contaminated and adulterated. And when I started, of course, I was alone for 10 years and then other people joined. But these were sincere people. Initially, in the first 10, 15 years of of the field,
04:47 people were sincere. They really wanted to learn and so on. These are rep reputable people that were sincere.
04:53 You're saying? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know about reputable, but they were honest. Okay. Really? They really wanted to learn and they wanted to help
05:00 other people and so on. There was no money involved. Everyone did everything free of charge. Every day I do not charge for my seminars and lectures. They're free of charge. I noticed that charge for my for
05:12 my videos. I do not charge for my books. They're available free of charge. If you if you want to buy them on Amazon on
05:18 Amazon then you know I'm welcome. Of course. Yes. Right. But if you don't they're available online. I there was an
05:24 ethos in the first 1015 years that this kind of education should be free of charge because people are in distress. People are suffering and no one would have imagined at that
05:36 time to make money out of this, you know, and now the the field is flooded
05:43 with with people who are just into money and nothing else except money. H I had a
05:49 curiosity. Um you're hitting a lot of points. I know I talked to you before we hit record and then it took me forever
05:55 to actually do record uh on Zoom. Um we we have we went through that last
06:01 time also by the way. Um how does that make you feel or what are and hearing
06:07 your thoughts on it. Is this a disgusting type of behavior that you're seeing from people who are taking
06:14 advantage keeping people stuck in victimhood. I'm angry. I'm very angry.
06:21 This this whole thing is my brainchild basically. I've in I invented 90% of the language in use today. I was the first
06:28 to describe narcissistic abuse and everything and I gave it all free and I had hoped that many people would join me
06:34 and become a global movement and would be will be helping millions of people. You know, money never entered the I I I
06:44 never thought about money and neither did anyone else. And then there are all these parasites
06:50 and and freeloaders and con artists and dilitants and charlatans and they're all
06:56 self-proclaimed experts overnight zero credentials and they're making a
07:02 fortune and they are damaging people. They're hurting people. They're re revictimizing and retraumatizing people.
07:09 Can we spend a moment just on that statement you mentioned there the last part? Because again, as I told you
07:15 before when we first started, we just put people on. We showcase people to help people. Just for free. Just put
07:22 that out there. We don't make up the content. But people come back to us and mention what you just said.
07:30 I'm not in your field, but I hear a lot of stories of people who have lost a lot of money from this seminar, that thing,
07:38 that coaching pro coaching program. You know what I mean? We touched on a little
07:44 bit the first time we did a show, but it it's a reoccurring theme. People need to be aware of that, but they're hurting. So today, if you can, what are some top
07:57 tier things they need to be aware of when they're out there surfing the web looking for someone? You know, there's a
08:04 lot of flash, there's a lot of bang, there's a lot of wow, they must have the answer. What should they be aware of
08:10 when they're out there looking to heal, rebuild? People are suffering. They are desperate. There's nothing like narcissistic abuse, which is the reason I coined the phrase narcissistic abuse because nothing compares to it. No other
08:23 type of abuse comes remotely close to narcissistic abuse. None. It's in it's in its own category, wouldn't you say?
08:30 It's its own narcissistic abuse is about visiating you, about negating you. Wow. Wow. About taking away your essence. what used to be called the soul. Right.
08:41 Right. It's about it's about deanimating you. It's about making sure objectifying
08:47 you. It's about it's so it takes away your agency, your personal autonomy, your independence, your critical
08:53 thinking, your ability to gauge reality, reality testing. It embeds you in in a
08:59 fantasy which starts as utopian and ends ends up being dystopian. It's a it's a
09:06 terrifying ordeal. It's a concentration camp of the soul and it's um and you you
09:14 get infected as a victim. You get infected, you start to develop narcissistic behaviors and psychopathic thinking in a defense. You start to pick
09:21 up what they're doing to you and it's like residue that attaches to our own
09:28 character. It's contagious. Simply if you if you're trying to cope with a narcissist, the only way you can survive
09:34 is by becoming a narcissist. There's no other way. Yeah. If you're if you don't leave, you're going to become one of them. Yeah. Exposure to exposure to narcissism has been measured in
09:46 laboratories. Exposure to narcissism as minimal as 3 seconds.
09:53 That is studies by 3 seconds. 3 seconds. Studies by Lombardi in Harvard University. exposure to narcissist vicariously via via films, movies,
10:04 videos, via emails. Exposure of 30 seconds to narcissist. 30 seconds, 30
10:11 seconds via email or by watching a video is sufficient to cause um mental damage.
10:19 At the very at the very least, it creates an extreme sense of unease and discomfort known as the uncanny value
10:25 reaction. The uncanny value reaction reaction. Okay. Because they have a way of
10:32 capturing our mindset. Is that what you're saying? Even in that short period of time, they're affecting our mind. They're
10:39 predators and you're prey. Got it. Is a tiger is a tiger capable of tiger is of
10:45 evaluating. I get you right. Is capable of evaluating all the relevant parameters of an antelope within a split
10:53 second. Mhm. An narcissist is able to evaluate your vulnerabilities and weaknesses and attack vectors and
11:00 penetration um chinks in your armor, everything within seconds, split seconds. And then the narcissist becomes
11:07 a predator. And you have these primordial atavistic instincts, evolutionary instincts as an
11:16 animal to spot pre uh to spot predators. We're all animals, so we spot predators.
11:23 I get what you're saying, right? Yeah. React we react to the presence of predators immediately.
11:30 And so even an exposure of 3 to 30 seconds has an adverse adverse impact on
11:36 people. But if we can pick or pick up on that and sense that, how do we still
11:42 become prey? Well, to become prey, you need to be prey. Like antelopes are prey by definition. They can't become giraffes or elephants. Right. Right. So in order to become prey, there's probably a confluence of
12:00 personal biography, traits, specific traits, experience, life experience, conditioning, and so on so forth, which render you vulnerable to the predation to the predation of the narcissist of a narcissist. before you ever ever meet that narcissist for 3
12:16 seconds or 30 seconds, there's a culmination of circumstances and situations that led up to that. And by
12:22 the way, if anybody you're likely to have grown up in a dysfunctional family, you're likely to have suffered some kind
12:28 of love deficit. Either you were either e either you were neglected and abandoned and everything or or the very
12:35 contrary you were spoiled and pampered and so on but as an object kind of a a
12:41 toy mother a toy trophy whatever the case trophy or whatever yeah or or you or you went through what we call adverse childhood experiences ACEs so you've
12:53 you've witnessed domestic violence and and or you are you have a genetic
13:00 heretic itary predisposition. For example, the tendency to develop borderline personality disorder or
13:06 depend or dependent personality disorder. So you you're mentally ill equipped to deal with the narcissist and
13:12 but there is some predisposition and the ground there's a fertile ground ready
13:18 for the narcissist there. But even completely healthy people fall prey to the narcissist because the narcissist offers you, entices you, baits you and lures you
13:30 into a fantasy that is essentially a second childhood. It's a second chance at a second
13:37 childhood. As an adult, as an adult, they have recognized to be able to bait you. Yeah.
13:44 Because you are going to go through this second childhood where everything feels good. Yeah, you're you feel everything
13:50 is going to be good, but it's all a part of them recognizing your prey. Freud
13:56 called it the oceanic feeling. It's oceanic feeling. The oceanic. The the narcissist essentially provides you with
14:03 a maternal function. He offers you, for example, unconditional love. The
14:09 narcissist idealizes you the way a mother idealizes her newborn. So there is this offer on the table. If you agree to become dependent and
14:20 submissive, if you agree to suspend critical judgment and your agency, I'm going to be your mother and I'm going to be a perfect mother. Got it? I'm going to love you unconditionally. I'm going
14:31 to idealize you and I'm going to grant you access to the idealized version of you through my gaze. Got it? This is
14:38 irresistible. It's an irresistible proposition. And so even healthy people fall prey.
14:45 And so the shared fantasy, the narcissist shared fantasy, this this um
14:52 space of fiction where the narcissist embeds you is um divorced from the world
15:00 and from reality of course and is devoid of friction and pain and
15:07 suffering and challenges and hardships and difficulties. None of this.
15:13 It's It's the way a child sees the world. The narcissist. You could you could escape all of those things by just
15:19 taking this proposition. Yes. But yet reality is not what they want to
15:25 come into that proposition because then you'll recognize that it's all false. They isolate you from reality. The first
15:31 thing they do, they they cut you off family and friends and so on. The second thing they do, they create a fantasy
15:38 which is which substitutes for reality. They become your reality testing. So
15:44 when you're trying to gauge reality or the world, you resort to them. They become the litmus test of reality. So
15:51 always going back to them to check to see if this is something I should do. Should I wear this? Should I eat this?
15:57 They become the measure. Is this real? Can I this person? Can I trust this person? Yeah. What do you think I should
16:03 do? Yeah. So, you become dependent before you know it. You become utterly dependent on the narcissist because
16:09 you're in a prison cell. It's a padded prison cell, but it's a prison cell. And he's the only one with a key and he's
16:16 the only one or she is the only one that they're able to grant you access to
16:24 your idealized image. It is through the gaze of the narcissist that you become alive as a newborn. And it is through
16:32 the narcissist's gaze that you see yourself as per a perfect entity, all all ideal and therefore worthy of a
16:40 mother's unconditional love. Never question Never questioning them at all
16:47 because they continue to give what we can believe I would believe is
16:53 the best thing for me. They're giving me what I believe is the best, but it's actually it's a fantasy of my own. I think the best I think the closest comparison would be addiction.
17:04 Oh wow. Hey, you didn't say that the first time around. Okay, so I can see that. Okay, I could I could see that. If
17:10 I make you feel good, forget narcissism. Forget narcissism. Yeah. If I'm the kind of guy who makes you feel good all the
17:16 time, makes you feel great about yourself. Feel that you're the best and the greatest and the most amazing and
17:22 drop dead gorgeous and super and what have you. And I also provide you with unconditional love and support and sakur. I'm always there for you. I always cater to your needs and so on.
17:33 Why would you let go of me? Forget nothing. Forget Yeah. Why would you even go look anywhere else is essentially
17:40 what would happen. I understand what you're saying. And gradually you would say, why do I need reality? Reality sucks. I don't want reality. I want this guy. I don't want reality. I want this guy. Yep. That's right. I can't live
17:51 without him. because he has created like you said this padded cell that a woman
17:57 won't even she wouldn't have a clue what she has stepped into. Not a clue. Yeah.
18:03 Half of all narcissists are women nowadays. It's a new development. Yeah. I I remember a video that you you uh
18:09 mentioned that um we gender pronouns but they're all Yeah. Yeah. I get you. Yeah. Yeah. It could go either way. Uh because
18:19 they create this padded cell. How do you get out of that? Cuz reality is going to hit at some point. Very few people want to get out of it. Oh, damn. You're blowing my mind
18:31 again. They want to stay in it. Yeah. We see all these self self-imputed victims and and survivors and whatever. That's a tiny fraction of a percentage.
18:43 the vast the overwhelming vast majority of people want to stay in it. Want to stay in it. Don't want to let it go. That's the best thing. For the Okay, I see what you're saying. Yeah. For the first time they are
18:53 experiencing for example self love. They were incapable of loving themselves but then there is this idealized image idealized version of themselves and for
19:04 the first time they are capable of loving it. Loving this idealized version. They they then what feel a
19:10 sense of existence now. So therefore they feel seen and heard. It's less about existence and more about I think
19:16 self- loveve. Got it. Self-compassion. Self-compassion. Mhm. So the narcissist
19:22 says says to you actually the narcissist message is you have never seen yourself
19:28 correctly. Your self-perception is so completely wrong. Yep. I can see a guy saying that or a female. Yeah. Like you think you you you don't realize how amazing you don't realize you are
19:40 dead that gorgeous you are, how sexy, how, you know, how intelligent, how smart, all the all these Yeah. Yeah.
19:47 Then you be you begin to buy with no with no proof. No. No. Not that the person isn't, but nothing is substantiated. It's just constantly thrown at that person. So like why why would I go out of this relationship? Why
19:57 would I leave? You simply buy into it. And then but then the narcissist maintains a monopoly of access.
20:05 If you want to access this idealized version of you, you can do it only through the narcissist gaze because if
20:12 you go to your mother or to your neighbor or to your best friend or friend best friend or whatever, right?
20:18 They would they would tell you what you know you're not what the truth is.
20:24 You're okay, but you're not that sexy or you're not Yeah. Let's let's get down to reality. Come down a little bit because this is really whatever he told you is up here. Yeah. But the reality is you're here now. That's going to cause a
20:35 problem cuz then that person, the prey, is going to get upset at mom, dad, or whoever. He's trying to tell him, "Hey,
20:42 look, this person's blowing smoke." So that's exactly what how the narcissist
20:48 isolates you from family and friends. And so so he needs to cut that off and say like, "You just just trust me. Just
20:54 they don't really love you the way I do. Cut. They're not your friend. Your dad really don't love you. Envious of you.
21:00 They're envious. They want to take you down. They are they're actually your competitors. They're not, you know, and so gradually you you're faced with a choice. Either you choose reality and
21:13 then it's mundane. It's humrum. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts also. It
21:19 hurts. Or you keep consuming the this this drug. You're on a high constant
21:26 high, you know. And he's the sole pusher. There's nobody else around to do this. He's a He's pushing that drug of narcissism. Yeah. So, you say self-love
21:38 it, you know, if you stick with me, don't you feel better about yourself? Yeah. And and and the problem is that in
21:45 today's uh civilization, in today's society and so on. Mhm. Mhm. The messaging is the messaging in schools,
21:52 the messaging in self in the self-help industry, the messaging on online, the messaging is you should feel good about
21:59 yourself. You should have a very high self-esteem. You are unique. You are
22:05 special. It's almost narcissistic driven to Yeah. You're amazing. Like Yes. Yes. If you go to if you I mean in the educational system, teachers are are now inculcated. Teachers are taught to tell
22:18 every child, you're amazing, you're special, you're unique, you're this, you're that. So the narcissist message
22:25 sounds appropriate. It sounds realistic because everyone else has been telling everybody else is saying it, saying the same. Every advertisement, every social media platform, the narcissist message
22:36 corresponds and conforms loud propaganda. All other signals you're receiving to all other messages you're
22:42 receiving. There are no counter there's no counterveailing information. It sits well with with the brainwashing of
22:50 society at large. You know, it's like um the consumer consu consumerism. What is
22:57 the essence of consumerism? You deserve this product. You you Yeah, you should have it. You should have it because you deserve it. Somebody's somebody's somebody's holding you back from having this. Yes, you deserve it. And if you
23:08 deserve Yes. You haven't done anything really to deserve it. But no matter what happened in your life, you deserve this.
23:14 And if you don't have it, go get it in. Yes, that's right. And if you don't have it, you're self-hating. Yes. You don't you don't see yourself. It's not your own best friend. And what's what's your teacher's message? You're unique. You're
23:26 special. You're amazing. You're fascinating. You're unprecedented. And what's your what's the message of um of
23:33 um show business or the media say? Mhm. So when the narcissist comes along and tells you that you're amazing, you've heard it all before, it doesn't sound crazy. It doesn't sound like crazy
23:44 making. It sounds like, yeah, is Yeah, you're right. I am unique. I am special. I am drop dead gorgeous. Yes, you got it
23:51 right. You know, there is there is no way that that was as loud as it is
23:58 today. What you're saying when you started this, was it? No. No way. I'm just because I'm sitting there thinking we're talking how many years ago you said in mid '90s. Okay. So in 1984 in
24:11 that time frame you've been able to sit back and as it were I mean you know you're you're seeing this yes become big
24:18 I've warned I've been warning against this since the the mid80s. What would you call it? Would you call it and I'm I
24:24 told you earlier I'm just going to say something I was started to say earlier if you if anybody's watching this. Um,
24:30 Sam knows I've got numerous amount of questions offscreen here from people from the first time he was on. We're
24:37 going to try to sneak them in every now and then. Uh, and Sam's just going to uh do what he can before he has to go. But
24:43 Sam, uh, I got to ask this question. When it comes to narcissism, one of the questions is, in
24:51 your opinion, is it an epidemic or a pandemic? No, it's a pandemic. It's everywhere. It's in China. It's in it's in Egypt. It's in Israel. It's in Russia. I have lived in 15 countries.
25:02 It's everywhere. Wow. I've lived on 15 countries on four continents. Male or female, doesn't matter. Young or old
25:08 now. It's a universal absolutely universal phenomenon. And so narcissism is a an organizing principle of modern
25:15 civilization. It's uh also an explanatory principle. In other words, if you are trying to make sense of
25:21 things that are happening in politics and in your own personal life and so on, then narcissism comes handy. You say,
25:29 for example, this guy is a narcissist. That explains his behavior. Put that put that sticker on that person on that
25:35 situation. Yeah. But it's not only a sticker. It has explanatory powering why that person behaves the way they do.
25:42 So many people, for example, are trying to make sense of Donald Trump. So they say, "Well, of course, he's a narcissist." And that's the end of
25:48 conversation. Everything that's the end of the conversation. Everything is explained. Everything is So narcissism
25:54 is an organizing principle as well. Um but the narcissist secret weapon is
26:01 loneliness. The narcissist leverages of the of the prey. Yes. The loneliness of the prey.
26:08 When I started my work in the 1980s, a typical individual in in western industrialized societies had 10 close good friends. 10. That's one zero. Mhm.
26:23 That makes sense. The number today is 0.9. So today, an average individual in
26:29 industrialized societies has 0.9 good friends. That's a lot of isolated people, Sam.
26:37 Well, it's an amazing shift within within 40 years. 40 years. That's a lot of people not connected to somebody that is looking out for their well-being. And all types of interactions, sex included,
26:50 are declining precipitously. For example, the younger generations, generation Z and so on, they're having
26:57 far less sex than my generation. Far less. Sex is a mode of communication. It's talking with your body basically. I mean, even is it's a casual
27:09 conversation, but it's a conversation. It's a dialogue. Mhm. And so these people are so disconnected they're not
27:16 even having sex. You know, people people place much much larger emphasis on animals than on other people. I've just I'm just coming back from Vienna. Yeah. Vienna has an
27:30 inordinate number of animal shelters. Like every second building is an animal shelter. Yet they they have extremely few homeless shelters.
27:42 Wow. Maybe two or three. They have like hundreds if not thousands of animal shelters and they have like three homeless shelters. The animal is in its care is taking more precedent. Dogs.
27:54 People have humans. People have dogs and cats. They don't have lovers. They don't have companions. They don't have friends. They have dogs and cats. Nobody's talking to each other.
28:05 We have become technologically self-sufficient which gave us the opportunity and the excuse to let go of
28:12 other people to isolate to selfisolate. So being with other people is a full-time job. Yes, it's hard. It
28:20 requires investments and resources and commitment. You have to you have to
28:26 traverse the interubjective space. There are hardships and difficulty. It sucks being with other people is, you know,
28:32 not always a pleasant experience. Actually, in the vast majority of cases, it's a really bad experience. So, here
28:38 we are. I get what you're saying. Here we are. And technology allows us to avoid this. Totally avoid people.
28:45 Totally avoid people. And we embrace we embrace this opportunity. We run No, we run to it and embrace it. I get what you're saying. Would you say it's an organized propaganda, narcissistic propaganda scheme to get people to live that life? I'm just throwing that out
29:01 there as a weirdo. No, it just happened that this is taking place. It' be a con. However, it is true. However, it is true
29:09 that capitalism and especially the technoc capitalism.
29:15 Yes. would like you to be isolated, would like you to not have intimacy in
29:21 your life, to be on Facebook, to be on Instagram, to be on everything. I always say the following. If if you have a
29:27 boyfriend or a girlfriend, you spend less time on Facebook, which is bad for business.
29:33 Yeah. Facebook, this social media, they want you to be completely isolated and to have no one in your life because
29:40 other people take away from the profits of Facebook and and Instagram. Oh, of course. Yes. YouTube and so on. So they want to So the more So the more two
29:51 people are sitting at a park talking and stuff like that, they lose money. Yeah. They need you to be talking to people you've never met and give you hundreds of them so you're addicted to all of this attention instead of just that one
30:02 person you need to not have real people in your life. Got it? If you have real people in your life and you have
30:08 consequently intimacy or interactions, they're losing money. So they have a huge incentive to isolate you and
30:14 they've engineered they've constructed the platforms they they use psychologist the consulted psychologist. Yes, that is
30:21 correct. Yes. They have engineered the platforms to atomize you to isolate.
30:27 Another thing is that people who are single, people who lack intimacy and so on, they compensate by shopping. They shop more, they buy more. So this is good for business consumerism. is so capitalism
30:44 the first thing capitalism did about let's say 70 80 years ago
30:50 capitalism converted women into consumers by encouraging women to break up the
30:57 family structure and to become self-sufficient financially
31:03 to find jobs to work to go out to to buy things that you you could get this and so forth. Yeah. The end the end result of this is that they would consume. But f to to to convert women into consumers.
31:17 They first had to isolate them. They first had to break the family the
31:23 institution of the family. They had to do this. That makes sense. That makes I see what you're saying. When you when
31:29 you isolate a woman, when you take away her children, her her husband, her
31:35 boyfriend, her, when you isolate her, she shops more. That's a fact. It's absolutely correct. Mhm. So what they did in immediately after the second world war let's say in
31:46 the 60s started big time in the 60s they began to advocate the break up of
31:54 the family structure family the institutional family and so on so that women would become full-time
32:00 full-fledged consumers. So definitely the third and fourth waves
32:06 of feminism are outcrops of capitalism. Similarly, when capitalism became
32:12 technoc capitalism essentially, obviously they had to isolate you
32:18 because if you were with other people, you were not using their products. Yeah.
32:24 They had to isolate you. So they they put you into isolation. Yeah. There would be no online shopping. They had to
32:30 get a person to you call it techno what what how do
32:36 you say that? Techno capitalism. If you you have you have two daughters. You dedicate two hours a day to them. Maybe four. Uh uh maybe four. Two hours
32:48 you're taking away from Zuckerberg. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Oh yeah. A meta is not getting that cuz I'm with them. Yeah. And then that's when all the notifications come in trying to get you to come back. They need they need to
32:58 keep sending you notifications because they see you're off the platform. Hey, you got one new follower. They need you
33:04 to be childless. To break that. They need you to be childless. They need you to not have friends. They
33:10 need you to not date. They need you to not have sex. They need you to be constantly addicted to the screen to the
33:17 exclusion of all other real people in your life. So, does that mean they're looking to replace all the things that they want you to break free from or at least give the illusion that you can give that with us instead of actually
33:28 over there? That's a metaverse. That's artificial intelligence. Easy. Artificial intelligence is exactly this.
33:35 It gives you the illusion of companionship and wisdom. Somebody talking to you, just ask Google, just
33:41 ask this, just ask Bing, just ask whatever. You don't really need to ask anybody else. It's at your fingertips.
33:48 Just talk with us. It's even worse than that because artificial intelligence pretends to be a human being.
33:55 As close as possible to give that impression. Go ahead. I'm sorry, sir. Whereas whereas previous technologies
34:01 did not use this deception when you were interacting with Google search you knew that you were not talking to another person but when you're talking to artificial intelligence it gives you the
34:12 distinct impression that it's a human being and you even have digital companions and digital lovers give it a
34:18 name you give it yes replica replica for example replic
34:24 this is grand deception it's enormous deception Because the the brain, the
34:30 human brain cannot tell the difference between simulation and reality. For example, the male brain cannot tell the
34:36 difference between pornography and real sex. Real sex cannot. That's why it's so
34:42 dangerous. Yes. That's why pornography is addictive. It's only with the male brain, by the way, not the female brain. But the male brain is completely incapable of telling the difference between pornography, images on the
34:54 screen, and actual sex. Man, we could do a third show, Sam. I want to break that one down. I know we don't have all day.
35:00 Similarly, if you're interacting with a with a digital companion or a girlfriend, a digital girlfriend, your brain can't tell the difference. Can't
35:11 tell the difference. That is amazing. And what they'll take too much time we talk about, but no, I got to ask just as quick as you can. Why
35:24 is the is the male brain so susceptible to that falseeness? That has to do with
35:30 the fact that the brain does not process reality. That's a common myth. What the bra what the brain processes are
35:37 representations of reality and symbols. The human brain processes symbols. Okay.
35:44 Processes representations of reality. So for example, when you see something or when you hear something Mhm. The sensor
35:51 the sensory inputs they go to a model to a to a mathematical model in your brain. Okay.
35:58 This mathematical model reconstructs them reconstitutes them and creates a narrative.
36:04 It is this narrative that you consider to be reality. Not actual reality but theation of
36:12 reality in your mind. So the narrative that pornography is putting out
36:19 becomes a narrative that it pic the brain picks up on. You can't tell the difference between and so therefore it's going like oh that must be reality and whatever sensation comes from that must be real or came from a real source but
36:31 it didn't. Yeah. Listen if you're exposed to 100 units of information 95 units will be discarded. Many of them will be deposited in the unconscious. Okay, five units out of
36:44 these 100 units would be absorbed as sensory inputs. So some of these units will be audio, some of them will be visual and so on. These these units of
36:55 information reach your brain through the optical nerve, you know, auditory nerve.
37:01 They reach your brain. Okay. When they reach your brain, it's not like your brain is experiencing these images and
37:08 these sounds. It doesn't. What happens is there is a superco
37:14 computer within your brain and this supercomput has mathematical models.
37:20 The sounds and the the visuals, the images are fed into this supercomput
37:26 and this supercomput creates a story, a narrative. Then the story or the narrative is fed into your brain. You interact not with
37:38 reality but with a narrative that accommodates and incorporates the sounds
37:44 and im images you've been exposed to only 5% of them. It's extremely easy to
37:50 deceive the brain. Do you know I can prove it to you. You are watching a horror movie. Got it? Okay. You're
37:56 sitting on a sofa. You have this huge popcorn thing, you know. Got it. If you're an American, you're sitting on and you're watching a horror movie. You're watching it on a screen now.
38:07 You're not an idiot. You know that it's a movie. Yeah, I know. It's a movie. It's a movie. Then I'm watching it. Why
38:14 do you jump? I knew you were going to say that to me. You were going to say that to me. Yeah. Why is there a startle
38:21 reaction? It's connected to something images of the past. Because your brain perceives it as real.
38:28 Your brain because it's connected to other things. I'm picking up cues from the movie itself. Watching the movie.
38:34 Not even really watching a movie. No, you I told you the sounds. Got it. No, I got you. And now I just thought about
38:40 what you said. Yes. They become a narrative and your brain can't tell the difference between reality and the
38:46 horror movie. So I'm within the nar I'm within the narrative within my own head. Yes. And this narrative is perceived as
38:53 real and consequently your brain cannot tell the difference between the horror movie and reality. And when something
38:59 happens on the screen, you jump. You're startled. You're freaking It's a movie. You know
39:06 it's a movie. Yeah. No, I got I got you, guy. I'm sitting. I know it's a stinking movie, but I'm all of a sudden you you
39:12 don't you you're not only jumpy, but for example, your heart rate increases dramatically. Your blood pressure goes up. My body, organs, and muscles and everything are being
39:23 affected by this narrative. But I'm But I'm thinking the narrative is because of the movie. But in actuality, you're not watching the movie. No one. Not even. No. My brain is processing
39:34 things within my head. Yeah. Connecting whatever visual cues or sounds are coming. Now you understand. Now you
39:41 understand the power of the narcissist. I was about to say that. No wonder. Yeah. But they've got to know, as you
39:48 said at the beginning, they're looking at cues that they are looking for cuz they're a predator. They're looking for certain things that they could use to trigger that person to create that narrative. It's much easier if you're if
39:59 you're vulnerable, if you're broken, if you're damaged. Simply much easier. Saves time. It's bad relationship before. It's much easier because that
40:06 person's already they're going to tell the story. Well, this happened to me. Yeah. Wide open. Give it more. You're
40:12 giving more context and information than you need to. You just met the person and they're totally sizing that person up. You're wide open. And it's and it's over. Y wide open. You're wide open. That should be that should be another
40:23 book you write called Wide Open. You should just call it wide open. Here's the strength of the narcissist. The narcissist realize I mean spots your loneliness and then the narcissist offers you a narrative. He offers you a
40:35 fantasy and your brain can't tell the difference between the narrative the the fantastic narrative and reality because your brain is not built to do this. And then you begin to believe that the fantasy is reality. And you get immersed in the fantasy and
40:51 you're doomed. It's like quicksand, you know, you're just doomed. The more you try to extricate yourself from the quicksand, the deeper you sink and you just doomed. You're captured.
41:02 You're captive. You're in the cage. This is the power of the narcissist. And this is why narcissists in contemporary
41:10 civilization rise to the top. They rise to the top because our contemporary civilization is
41:17 built on fantasy. The main driving force in contemporary civilization is to avoid reality to
41:24 escape from reality. That's why we have television and internet and movies and Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's all about
41:31 these things to escape. Everything is about escaping. We need to address what we need to tackle. Everything is geared
41:37 to escape reality. And who is the greatest expert in the universe when it comes to fantasy, escaping reality? The
41:44 narcissist. So, yes, I was going to say they know it. This is their fertile ground. Then they rise to the top. Yes.
41:52 Top level politicians, chief executive officers, you name it. They know exactly how to spin it. They they know fantasy.
42:00 They know how to escape from reality. What the people are fantasizing too.
42:08 So when you need someone to guide you in the in the planet fantasy, wow, they're
42:16 the ones that call, you're going to you're going to choose a narcissist. You're going to select a narcissist. Indeed, you have academics, academic
42:23 minds that say that narcissism and psychopathy are positive adaptations. They're good for for the species for
42:29 humanity because we live in a civilization and in a situation that requires their skills requires sorry are
42:37 they narcissist too to even think that not necessarily no and it's not such a preposterous proposition these people saying these these scholars
42:48 are saying that in the world as it is today you need fantasy is a solution and
42:54 you need someone who is wellversed in fantasy And on the other hand, you need someone who is ruthless and callous and
43:01 cruel and aggressive and decisive. And that's a a psychopath. So they say this combination of
43:07 narcissist and psychopath is is they are our saviors. They're going to save us because
43:13 normal healthy people are going to fail in this new environment. They don't know to do fantasy and they
43:19 have inhibitions and they have boundaries and they have rules and they have norms. And in today's world, it's
43:25 it's a bad thing. You know, a normal person will falter where the narcissist and the psychopath working together can
43:32 in essence, it's like a really bad movie. Save save humanity. Well, it's it's all they're more decisive. They
43:40 have no boundaries. They will push the limits. Don't push them because they will try to always be on top. So, they
43:47 should lead us. It's all context dependent. Got it. If you live in a normal, if you live in a normal society,
43:54 healthy society, normal healthy people have a an advantage. If you live in an abnormal sick society, abnormal sick people have the advantage. If you were
44:05 in Nazi Germany, you to be a psychopath would be a positive thing, positive adaptation. And
44:11 if you were a survival skill, it would been a survival skill at that point. And if in Nazi Germany you were a good
44:18 empathic person and you were hiding Jews in your basement. Yeah. Your history then you were then you were mentally ill. You were self-destructive. You were suicidal to do this. You know I keep saying I
44:30 keep giving an example and people ask me I I keep telling people in psychology there's no such thing as bad and good. Everything depends on the context. For example, as an inmate in Awitz,
44:44 if you were not depressed, then probably you were mentally ill. Depression in Awitz was a healthy reaction, a proper reaction, a normal reaction. So in Awitz, you should have been
44:56 depressed as a sign of mental health. So that that makes sense. I see. Yeah.
45:02 So So if I ask you, is depression bad? Most people would say, yeah, depression is bad. Well, not in Awitz. In a
45:09 depression is good. It's a sign of mental health. You know, it means that you're healthy because you're being affected by something that is horrific. Imagine that you're in a maximum security prison and you are all cheerful
45:21 and joyful and you love it. Well, of course you're mentally ill. You know,
45:27 that would make sense. Something must be wrong with you. But it's all because of the context. Context. Only context.
45:35 There's nothing in in psychology that is all bad or all good in itself. It's the context. So in current civilization,
45:42 many many scholars say that in current civilization, narcissism is actually a healthy
45:48 reaction, a positive adaptation because our civilization is so effed up
45:54 and so you know, so they're actually being the normal one because they're acting out within the context. They're
46:02 responsive to the context. They maximize they maximize outcome. They are self-efficacious. They rise to the top.
46:09 They they and so that seems to be a a good thing. No, let me give you an example. Imagine that I pick up the phone and I talk to my good friend Donald Trump. I say Don because you know it's Don. It's first name basic. Oh my goodness. Listen Don, I've been watching
46:26 hundreds of hours of your videos and we know each other of course and so on. So I think there's a problem. you need to
46:32 come to my office. We need to talk. So, here comes Don and sits down and I tell
46:38 him, "Don, listen. I want you to know you have narcissistic personality disorder. It's a severe mental illness and you need help and I am the one to
46:50 give it to you because I'm an authority on the topic. So, I'm the one to give it to you." Don Donald Trump is going to
46:57 look at me and say, "Are you nuts? I've had the most beautiful women in the world. I'm a multi-billionaire, twice
47:03 elected president. Why on earth would I want to get rid of my narcissistic personality disorder?
47:10 Interesting. It brought me to where I am. It's a positive adaptation. It's a good thing that happened to me. I'm very glad I have narcissistic personality disorder. And you want to take it away from me. What do you want me to be? You
47:21 want me to be a cler in a teller in the bank? What what what do you expect me to be? So
47:28 as you see the case of it's all about context. So in that context context absolutely it would seem like he would
47:34 have a point. It has it has 100% he has a point. Yeah. Yeah. I mean so what does
47:40 that make what does that make an impath then? If that is that if that is what rises a
47:47 person to a top because they've used their narcissism that way or psycho
47:53 psychotic behavior then if people are not that is that the label
47:59 empath I mean what what what does that person do or I don't even know if that's a term I'm asking you you know I already told you before the show such no such as I don't even know okay so talk about
48:11 that then if that person is not like quote unquote Donald Trump, then who is everybody else? Then healthy normal people in an unhealthy
48:23 abnormal civilization are going to end up being slaves, but they're not empaths. That's there's no
48:29 such thing. Can you you go ahead and touch on that? Empath is a online nonsense. It's it's a it's a it's a
48:35 marketing term mental health nonsense, but it is self aggrandizing because the empath I see what you're saying. The
48:41 empath says I'm I'm special. I'm unique. I have high empathy. I'm nice. I'm kind. I'm like narcissism in through the back
48:48 door kind of. It is a form of narcissism. I firmly believe that people who call themselves empaths are actually
48:54 covert narcissists. I firmly believe this. I can't prove it. But I'm quite convinced that they are covert
49:00 narcissists. I like this discussion. I like that. That's a good one. Their grandiosity is look how good I am. Look
49:07 how empathic I am. Look how nice and kind I am. look ostentatious. Look at me. I'm They go online there. There is
49:16 competitive victimhood. My suffering is greater than your suffering. You know my What is up with that? What is up with that? It's called competitive victimhood. It's not a term I I
49:26 invented. It's This is the term competitive. It's almost It's almost as if if you haven't gone through it, then
49:33 you're not a real human. Yeah. It's a badge of honor to go through the Yeah. um the merit award and and they compare like my my suffering is greater than
49:44 your suffering. My abuser keeps trying to my abuser put your abuser to shame. They're they're establishing they're establishing hierarchy. There's a hierarchy within the within the
49:55 victimhood within the victim field the being the prey there is still hierarchy
50:02 this but yet at the same time pointing at the narcissist going like there should not be any hierarchy. I don't think they're victims. I don't think they're survivors. I think they're narcissists. Oh, wow. Yeah. Covert narcissist, you say? Covert narcissist.
50:14 Yes. I I believe that they are narcissists simply. And they found a way to attract attention. They found a way
50:20 to be in the center of attention. They found a way to be on the stage. They found a way to ostentatiously display.
50:26 We call it there's a name for this. It's called pro-social narcissist. Pro-social narcissist. Pro-ocial or
50:33 communal narcissist. Pro-ocial. Funeral narcissist is a narcissist whose grandiosity consists of being moral,
50:42 altruistic, charitable, a victim. So we call this pro. So today there are
50:49 multiple studies starting with uh Dubai in 2020 in Israel and all the way to
50:55 British Columbia and Taiwan and you name it. There are multiple studies that show that many people in victimhood
51:01 movements, especially at the top, are actually narcissists and psychopaths.
51:07 So these movements have been infiltrated by narcissists and psychopaths. You have someone like Greta Thunberg and so on who is a rank narcissist. She's an absolute complete unmitigated every cell in her body narcissist, you
51:22 know. Yeah. And she goes around today. She's a climate activist. Tomorrow she's
51:28 a Gaza activist. Next day she will be Black Lives Matter. Black as Yeah, I get you. Yep. Just keep moving around.
51:35 Right. Just a way to attract attention. Just a way to be in the communal communal narcissist. Correct. Communal
51:41 or pro-social narcissist. Pro-social narcissist. And by the way, again, if anybody's watching this back, I
51:47 mentioned to Sam before, our audience on YouTube has changed a lot. There are a lot of people who have not met Sam or
51:53 have his book. They're looking to be able to see this because uh there are the younger generation and any of you uh
52:00 that are following others um do as you see fit, but you're you're you're
52:06 missing out if you don't go over and check out uh Professor Sam Vton. And uh please, you know, if you don't know, you need to know you can find him on NATV
52:17 all the time because he is the number. He only did one video, everybody. Just one. Excuse me. It is the number one
52:24 video, okay? Period. Because people learn from you, Sam. And as I told you
52:30 before we started, uh you're always honest about about everything we're talking about. It's not it's not
52:36 honesty. It's academic integrity. Everything I say, academic integrity based on studies. I never say a single
52:42 thing that's not based on studies. If you push me to the corner, I'll immediately give you citations and references and and so we discuss we
52:50 discuss virtual signaling. Virtual signaling is this is what these activists do and so on so forth. Virtual
52:57 signaling is a narcissistic behavior. And so I immediately told you it's based on studies by Gabby in 2020 based on
53:05 British Columbia. Everything I say is based on studies and and research. Whereas other channels and self-styled
53:12 experts and so on, you don't even get that. They just say whatever they think it is and then move on to the next thing. It's common sense and anecdotes.
53:19 There's a lot of anecdotes and common sense. They confuse narcissists and psychopaths egregiously
53:25 and it's a mess. Wait, wait. How do they do I just got to get you to say why? Because Okay, for remember now I got a
53:32 bunch of beginners. They're here. How do How do they do that? How do they mix the two? Like blatantly mix the two.
53:38 Majority of what they're saying about narcissists is is is actually has to do with psychopaths. Not with narcissists. Not with narcissist. The vast majority. Like the rule of thumb is if they if their
53:49 mouth if their lips are moving, they're talking psychopaths. Got it. So that's a rule. The lips are moving, they're a psychopath, everybody. So just please don't No, no, not if their lips are
54:00 moving. They're talking about psychopaths. Oh, I see what you're saying. So these self-styled narcissism
54:06 experts when they explain to you when they talk about narcissists, they're actually talking about psychopaths because they don't know the difference. So I would say that 90% of the material
54:18 online that that allegedly has to do with ostensibly has to do with narcissism is
54:25 actually not about narcissism. It's about psychopathy. And I will give you I'll give you two
54:31 examples, okay? out of hundreds gaslighting. Narcissists do not gaslight. Psychopaths gaslight.
54:42 In order to gaslight, and in our previous program, by the way, I define gaslighting. I find it there and I
54:49 mentioned that gaslighting has a place in narcissistic abuse. And I will explain in a minute how. But narcissists
54:56 don't gaslight because gaslighting means the the gaslighter, the person who is
55:02 doing the gaslighting knows what they're doing. It's
55:08 intentional. Yeah. And they can tell the difference between reality and fantasy. It's a manipulative. It's a machavelian strategy to make you doubt your own perception of reality.
55:20 So psychopaths, they know the difference between reality and fantasy. Mhm. And they they plan to
55:28 destabilize you and they in order to take something from you, sex, money, power, whatever.
55:35 A narcissist cannot tell the difference between reality and fantasy. When the narcissist tells you something, they
55:42 really believe it. They believe it 100%. They believe it even more than you do.
55:48 So they're gaslighting themselves. If if anything, narcissists don't gaslight you
55:54 because they are delusional. Even if you present it to them, they even if you present the reality of it, they still
56:00 are in their mind believing it more than you believe it. They're in La La Land.
56:06 They're wackos la. They're wackos. They're crazy. They're delusional, you know. So they don't gaslight. They don't
56:12 gaslight. However, your experience of this is is equal equivalent of the
56:19 experience of being gasolled by a psychopath. I mean, like you don't care about the
56:25 motivation. You don't care about the narcissist state. Correct. Care about are the outcomes and the outcomes as far
56:31 as you're concerned is that you're being gaslit. That's why gaslighting has a place in narcissistic abuse. But what self-styled experts keep saying online
56:43 is simply wrong and betrays a profound misunderstanding of pathological
56:49 narcissism. Narcissists don't gaslight. They're delusional.
56:55 Similarly, when you go online, self-styled experts keep saying that narcissist future fake.
57:02 Narcissists don't future fake ever. When a narcissist makes you a promise,
57:08 they have every intention in the world to carry out the promise, to fulfill the promise. They believe the promise. It's
57:15 part of the fantasy. They never keep their promises. But it's not because in advance they
57:22 knew they were lying to you. But when they make you a promise, they mean it 100,000%.
57:30 So there's no future faking this there. psychopath's future fake. A psychopath would promise you things knowing full well that they're not going to keep any of this. They're not going to fulfill
57:41 any of this. It's all deception. No, psychopaths, in other words, are deceptive.
57:47 Narcissists are delusional. Ah, it's a massive difference.
57:53 That's a huge difference. Yeah. Yeah. One deliberately knows there will
57:59 be no fulfillment. Yeah. Let me give you an example. Imagine that you enter you enter a mental asylum. You visit a mental asylum. I don't know why you would do this but okay. Let's imagine.
58:09 Let's just say I would do that. Yeah. I like studying brains. Let's say you're not well. You're not well. You know,
58:15 this is your past time. This is your past. This is my right. This is my past time. Your leisure. Your leisure. Hey. Hey. If my daughter's If my daughter's
58:21 put me in one, you got to Yeah. You got to come get me out, Sam. You got to come get me out. Go ahead. So,
58:29 you're in this mental asylum as a visitor. Yeah. I mean, your daughter didn't didn't wise up the situation.
58:35 Yeah. You're a visitor. I'm visiting. And you come across two patients. Okay.
58:41 Both of them tell you that there's someone behind you who with
58:47 a knife and they both of them are telling you this. Okay. You turn around, there's nobody
58:53 there. And you say, "Wow, these people are deceptive." Now, one of them is a
59:01 psychopath. The other one is psychotic. The psychotic person
59:08 is hallucinating. Psychotic person really sees someone behind you with a knife. Okay? There's nobody there. It's all in the psychotic's mind.
59:19 But it's a hallucination. Psychotic is not lying to you. He's not deceiving you. He truly believes there's someone
59:26 behind you with a knife. The psychopath is telling you this because he wants you to turn around so
59:32 that he can pick your pocket. The psychopath knows there's nobody there. He knows there's nobody there.
59:40 But he wants you to turn around to take something and he can pick your pocket. Psychopath is goal oriented. He knows he's lying. He knows he's deceiving you. He's manipulating you. Whereas the the
59:51 psychotic is delusional. Psychotic really believes there's somebody there. They're hallucinating. They're outside
59:58 of reality. Same same with narcissists and and psychopaths. Narcissists are delusional. Actually, there were many
60:06 very important scholars like Otto Kernburg and others, Yman's, others who suggested that narcissists are actually psychotic. They're actually it's a form of it's a form of interesting. So, just
60:18 what a certain degree of psychotic. They're not in touch with reality. They
60:24 go from reality. They live inside their mind. They're inside their minds. Everything is happening here, not not out there. They don't even perceive you as a real object, as as an external object, as someone out there. They don't
60:36 perceive you that way. They as someone separate from as someone separate from them. They don't see that. No, they don't perceive your separateness and your exter your emotions, your feelings, none of that. Your emotions, they don't
60:47 even perceive that you're external. They perceive you as internal. They perceive you as existing only within the
60:54 space of their mind. That's why they treat you as an extension. They treat you as if you are part of the
61:01 some kind of a third arm or or third. Right. Right. Yeah. You're an extension. You're you're a limb or something from them. Yeah. Because you don't exist. Yeah. You don't exist separate to them.
61:13 You don't exist externally. You don't you don't have your own, of course, autonomy, dependency, right? Right.
61:19 Decision making, decision making, preferences, none of that. And if you do behave this way, if you behave independently, that's a problem. That's a huge problem because you are challenging the internal object. You are
61:30 challenging the internal space of the narcissist. And the narcissist begins to regard you as an enemy. You are you're
61:37 destabil destabilizing the narcissist's mind, your threat to the narcissist's equilibrium and balance and inner peace.
61:45 None of this applies to the psychopath. The psychopath knows that you're external and that you're separate.
61:52 Psychopath couldn't care less about your wishes and dreams and what have you, but he knows that you're out there. And the
61:59 psychopath is mis is misleading, is deceptive, is machavelian, is manipulative. Psychopath would would lie
62:06 to you, deceive you. Psychopath would make you promises. He has no intention to keep. That's a psychopath. Everything
62:13 these people are saying online about narcissist is backwards, Sam. Is is about psychopath. You understand how bad
62:20 this Well, now you're saying that I'm, you know, when I watch this back, I'm listing it. That is what they're
62:26 describing as a narcissist. Mhm. And that's But you're really dealing with somebody much more dangerous if that's
62:32 the case. Yes. Because because the information is not correct, the kind of narcissist they're describing is
62:39 actually a psychop and consequently consequently they're giving the wrong advice and and solid.
62:46 It's bad. It's bad. So you're saying so you're saying no contact is is not a really good thing to do with a psychop psychopath. How are you dealing with a psychopath then? Psychopath it's being
62:57 confused. It's being confused major problem because psychopaths are defiant. They're consummatious. They reject authority. Yeah. Yes. They are reckless.
63:10 They don't care about the consequences of their actions. They're fearless in some ways. They have anxiety, but they
63:16 don't have the same fear reaction as normal people. So, it's a it's a predator. It's an apex
63:23 predator and it's it's it's an extreme problem to deal with them. The law, the
63:30 criminal law is about normal healthy people. Basically, criminal law doesn't take into account uh psychopaths, for example. So many of the things that psychopaths
63:41 do are very intimidating and very threatening and so on, but they're not crimes.
63:47 They're not crying. And um and so this creates a gray zone
63:53 where the psychopath can actually manipulate you, terrify you, intimidate you and so on, obtain outcomes from you,
64:00 take away your money, have sex with you, you know, push you to they can they can reach their goals and still almost seem
64:08 or get away unscathed. Yes. Because the criminal criminal codeex the criminal code is is made for people that got a
64:14 conscious psychopath. Yes. Acknowledge the existence of psychopaths. You're right. Yeah. Wow. So, it's a major a
64:22 major problem. And while there are numerous strategies on how to cope with a narcissist and most of them are very efficacious, there are very very few strategies on on how to cope with a psychopath. A
64:34 determined psychopath, a determined psychopath is going to get what they want. They're going to trample over you.
64:40 They're going to kill you if necessary. They're ruthless. They're callous. They're cunning. They're scheming. It's
64:46 it's a major optimized apex predator that's
64:52 very difficult to stop. And that's why of course you know people end up in prison after
64:59 they have committed crimes not before. That's why preemptive law enforcement is
65:05 not working. Preventive law enforcement is not working because psychopaths for sure per se. Yeah. Because these people um a big a big chunk of prisoner people in prison are psychopaths and
65:16 narcissists because these people they whatever it is they're doing is not
65:22 captured by the by the uh criminal network criminal net is not captured by
65:28 law enforcement is is is out of the remmit and ambit and even mind of law enforcement.
65:35 So we are not built to cope with these people. It's essentially an alien species. I keep saying that narcissists
65:41 and and psychopaths to a very large degree are not human and of course I get
65:47 a lot of flack. I I I'm attacked. I'm I' I've noticed that shadow I'm shadowbanned on YouTube. Yeah. No, I saw I I've noticed that. Why do you why do you say that? I I because I understand
65:59 the answer you're going to say, but for the audience, why do you say that? Because there are minimum requirements to qualify as a human being. For
66:06 example, you you you should possess empathy, emotional, effective empathy. You should have access to positive emotions, minimum requirements. And psychopaths and narcissists don't have any of this. Narcissist, for example, doesn't even have a self. Ironically, narcissists are
66:24 selfless. They don't have a self. They don't have a core identity. There's nothing there. It's emptiness. Exactly
66:31 like the borderline. Actually in borderline personality disorder, one of the diagnostic criteria in the DSM is
66:38 emptiness, internal emptiness, a vacuum, a black hole. So if you take someone like the
66:44 narcissist, they don't have a self. They don't have an ego. They don't have identity. There's a black hole there.
66:50 They don't have empathy. In other words, they can't put themselves in other people's shoes. They they don't do
66:56 emotions, especially positive emotions. And so, so in which sense exactly is this a human being?
67:04 Enlighten me. In which sense is it a human being? I don't think it is. And when you have a look at psychopaths, now only a tiny minority of psychopaths end up being serial killers, but the
67:16 majority of psychopaths have a serial killer mentality. Lucky their mindset is similar to a
67:23 serial killer. They haven't physically maybe done it. Well, extremely few act on it. Yeah. Right. But they have a they
67:29 have a a serial killer mentality because what what is a serial killer? A serial killer is someone who regards other
67:35 people as objects of gratification or regulation. They use the bodies of other people to regulate their internal environment and to feel gratified.
67:47 Psychopathies like that or psychopaths are like that. They may not kill you but they will take your money or they and I
67:54 keep giving this um I keep giving this example. Imagine it's like the beginning of a bad joke. So, okay. A narcissist, a
68:03 psycho when a psychopath enter a bar. Yeah. You're seriously not going to do this, right? Okay. Go ahead. Enter a bar. Enter a bar. Okay. Go ahead. No. A psychopath, a narcissist, and a normal
68:15 healthy person. They enter three. Okay. All right. And there's this woman sitting at the corner crying her eyes
68:21 out. She's distressed. It's clear that she's just got just had received some
68:28 bad news or there's a life crisis or broke up with a boyfriend or something horrible happened. Okay.
68:35 What goes on through the mind of these people? The healthy person, the normal person say she's described.
68:44 So that means that she's sad. I remember being sad. I've had this
68:50 experience of being sad. Okay. So I feel bad for her. Mhm. Let me go to her and
68:57 offer her offer help or consolation or Yeah. something. That's a healthy normal
69:03 person. The narcissist would look at this woman and he would say she's crying. That means she's sad. That also means that she's contemptably
69:14 weak. And she's weak. That means she's vulnerable. Vulnerable. Yeah. Yeah.
69:21 Okay. and she's vulnerable. That means that she's great for my shared fantasy. She's a great potential
69:28 for my shared fantasy. Let me go to her, approach her, and try to sell her on my fantasy. Try to to convince her that if she were to enter my fantasy, she would never need to cry again. Because that's the narcissist. The psychopath would say,
69:45 "She's crying. She said she's vulnerable. I can take her money.
69:51 or I can have sex with her. Mhm. Now, let me go to her and double down on the
69:58 vulnerability, leverage it, exploit it, penetrate her defenses, destroy her from the inside, break her to pieces, damage her maximally so that she's potty in my
70:09 hands, and I can do anything I want to her. These are the three mindsets.
70:18 Sam, that doesn't leave much help for the human. Then not everyone, not everyone is a psychopath. Yeah. Small. No. Wait. No.
70:28 Well, if they're in power, if they're a CEO. Yeah, that. Yeah. It don't have to be that many of them because they're going to have minions that'll do what they say in order for them to exist.
70:39 That part is true. They create cults. That's Yeah. Okay. That's a better way to say it. Yes. Cultike structures.
70:46 Yeah. Okay, I I got to toss a question your way and I don't want to hold you forever, but you just whenever you're ready to go, but I got to I got to throw this one in. What makes the female covert narcissist particularly dangerous
71:00 in emotional relationships? What makes her dangerous? First of all,
71:06 the belief that female narcissists are different to male narcissist is is
71:12 wrong. It's not true. Psychologically speaking, male and female narcissists are indistinguishable. However, culture
71:19 and society dictate dictate different scripts, behavioral
71:26 scripts. So, a a narcissistic female would express her narcissism
71:34 in different ways to a narcissistic male because she's subject to different social and cultural expectations, mores,
71:41 norms, and so on. So it's not the underlying psychology, it's the way the narcissism is expressed and that is
71:49 dictated by society, not by an individual. A female covert narcissist
71:56 um is no less dangerous than a male covert narcissist. It she would simply express it differently.
72:03 And what she would do, she would leverage assets that are considered socially condoned or socially acceptable. For example, her
72:14 looks. So she would tend to she would tend to to be to be much more histrionic than the male. She would she would uh be hyper emotional, seductive, flirtatious,
72:26 and so on so forth. And then she would take advantage of this and she would captivate or
72:34 capture. It's like a spider spider analogy. She would captivate or capture the hatless victim. Okay. And then she
72:42 would disable the victim exactly as a spider does by injecting a variety of
72:48 toxins and poisons. This is this is of course a metaphor or simile. And when I
72:54 say poisons and and toxins, I mean messaging, messages and signaling that actually inhibit specific behaviors and
73:01 encourage other behaviors. So she would mold she would mold the prey. She would shape the prey. At the same time, a
73:08 female narcissist would be highly passive aggressive. She would for example tend to sabotage
73:14 things or undermine things or procrastinate or so she would constantly destroy things around her but in a way
73:22 that is surreptitious and you cannot trace it back to her. So all this is not very different to the male. But whereas the male would use
73:34 aggression especially passive aggression. Mhm. Um envy, seething envy,
73:41 resentment, in other words, what we call negative effectivity. Whereas the male covert narcissist would leverage negative effectivity to manipulate the environment and obtain outcomes. The
73:53 female covert narcissist would leverage histrionic features to accomplish basically the same. Got it. And the female covert narcissist
74:04 is probably what we would call fam fatal. What we used to call fatal. Yeah.
74:10 That I know. I know that part. That's probably cuz she's using all of her wares to do
74:17 whatever she's got. Yeah. To control the situation. Now the the covert narcissist
74:23 both male and female they fake they fake a facade that is
74:29 communal pro-social altruistic charitable working with working with charities doing other words a dogoodter
74:37 a doer kind of a kind of okay and um and they have something called pseudo
74:43 humility pseudo humility is like they would train humility right right gullible people fall for it. They say, "Well, it's a wonderful person. It's such a nice
74:55 person. Such my neighbor's so good. She's always she's bringing food over. She's always helping the charity, the little league." Yeah. Right. So, they're
75:02 likely much more likely than the overt narcissist. They're much more likely to use this kind of presentation
75:09 presentation of I'm a dogooder. I'm a good person. I I'm reliable. You can trust me. I'm trustworthy. I'm modest.
75:17 I'm modest. I'm humble. You know, but the irony is they're broadcasting this.
75:23 It's ostentatious. It's ostentatious. Like a really modest person wouldn't go around saying, "Look,
75:29 look how humble I am, you know." Yeah. It's like saying, you know, I would have been
75:35 humble, I would have been perfect, you know. Yes. No, let me let me let me not talk about my humility, but let me tell
75:41 you what I did last week. So, but those are those are kind of like
75:47 uh signs that somebody should be paying attention to though and not fall for. Yeah. And people are likely to tell you what they say. They're likely to tell you all the time compulsively how
75:58 helpful they are. So, they would say, "I'm supporting all my family and you know, I'm giving money to everyone and I'm always there. This person was down. This person was down, you know, and I helped them and you know, and you know,
76:09 oh, if you only knew the whole story, how much I help people and you know that That's why that's why I'm Yeah. But by
76:17 the way, I don't want to I don't want to talk about it. I don't I don't want to talk about compliments. Give you praise. I'm not I'm not fishing for Yes. Yeah.
76:25 Yeah. Yeah. Let me tell you about everything. Oh, no. No. No. Stop. Please. No. You should really should You really shouldn't do that. Damn. I I
76:33 I want to do two things here. I want to ask you one more question and then I got a question to ask you. And I want you to
76:39 to to end everything. And the reason I want to do that is because you gave me more than enough to edit and put together and I told you how I'm going to do it. But also also I think we're one and a half hours almost. Yeah, I was
76:50 going to say oh at least over an hour. I know for sure. But but um I'm going to just give me a sec. I got to pick and hey, you know, whoever's watching this, don't take it personal that I didn't ask your question. Okay, I know you guys
77:01 been waiting for like four years for him to come back, but uh here we go. They really have been waiting for like
77:07 Paxton, you're so horrible. You won't bring me back on. Why do you hate him? People go like, "No, I like his post all the time." Just he's a busy man. Uh,
77:14 what boundaries must absolutely be non-negotiable when it comes to no contact with a nar? No contact. So, if I if I read their
77:25 question right, what boundaries must be absolutely non-negotiable when going Oh,
77:31 no contact with a narcissist. No contact is the ultimate boundary. No contact is not open to interpretation. There are no there are no nuances of no contact variations of I
77:43 know what you mean. No contact is no contact. End of story. That's kind of what they're alluding to in the question. As you can tell, the you don't
77:49 answer the phone. You don't accept gifts. You don't talk about him with other people. You don't spy on him or
77:55 stalk him on social media. You don't communicate or interact with him unless
78:01 absolutely mandated by the courts. You use intermediaries when you do have to
78:07 interact. For example, if you have common children or whatever, you use intermediaries like lawyers and accountants, no contact is no contact. It's the only boundary you need. The
78:17 minute you start to differentiate to to to split hairs, you know, hair splitting. Yeah, this is no contact, but
78:25 this is yes contact, but this, then you're doomed. Many people go no contact and then they
78:32 sue the narcissist and then they spend the next the next 10 years dealing with
78:38 the narcissist daily contact in daily contact with the narcissist you know so there are many our our m the mind of the
78:45 victim deceives her the victim wants to remain in contact with the narcissist I've never met a victim in my life and I have met thousands if not tens of thousands not one who doesn't secretly
79:00 want to stay in touch with a narcissist. Not one. The the more the more they
79:06 protest viferously and vehemently protest that they never ever want to see the
79:12 narcissist again, the more the door is open. The more they want. Yeah. So they
79:18 find ways. Our minds are very creative and very deceptive. And so we they find
79:24 ways. So they I'm not in touch with a narcissist. I just sued him. I just went to court and now unfortunately I'm
79:30 forced to be in touch with him 2, three hours a day, you know, because we we're involved in litigation. They're calling
79:36 me. You guys need to work this out yourselves. Now that's the door open for him to talk. And it just goes on and on.
79:42 There are many or or some victims say, "Okay, I'm not in contact with my narcissist. I went no contact, but I love his mother. I
79:53 absolutely love his mother or I love his father. And I feel bad about breaking up with
79:59 his brother, you know, because they were like a family to me. These are all selfdeceptions. These are the Trojan horses. This is the enemy within. This is not on the
80:10 narcissist. This is on the person. Yes. Putting themsel back in. Yeah. Creeping back into that situation, insinuating
80:17 themselves back into the narcissist in life. Yeah. Yeah. But the narcissist knows it. They got to be sitting there
80:23 watching that and going like, "Well, I guess you want to come back for more. You want some more of this?" Oh, man.
80:29 Yep. So many people do this. I would say majority of victims do. The thing is,
80:36 uh, they don't realize that doing these things is actually breaking no contact. They don't realize this. I'm not in
80:42 touch with him. I'm in touch with his brother. I love his brother. He's a wonderful man. You know, if you're the
80:48 stepson, the stepchildren, I'm still I'm dealing with them. I'm not really dealing with Yeah. Yeah, I'm not I I haven't exchanged a single word with my narcissist for one year, but I've seen his family like 280 times during this
81:00 period. Out of 365 days, most of the time you're with his family. Yeah. For example, who who talks to him regularly,
81:06 you know. So there are ways and ways and the mind is very deceptive and if you want something, you're going to find a
81:13 way. You're going to find a way. Yeah. And and that's what's happening with victims. I would say majority of victims actually majority. a tiny minority really break really break apart. They're
81:24 rare. They're rare. They literally break move far away. Or or luckily for them, the narcissist himself is isolated and like if they break up. Okay, I see what you're saying. Yeah, there's no way
81:34 back. Like there's no way back. There's no way in. Yeah. The bridges have totally been burned down and there's nothing you can do. All right. I've got
81:41 a I told you I wanted I wanted you to end the show on on something. I got I got to ask you one more and it's the one
81:47 that this what I'm about to ask you. You've already touched on it a few times. Flipped an entire interview last
81:54 time around and everybody I never got a hate mail, but everybody was like, "How could he say that?" And then later on
82:02 they watched it over and over and then they said, "Okay, I agree with Sam." So here it is. It's victimhood. you've
82:09 already touched on it, but talk a little bit about that and then when you're done just give a some words of advice as a
82:17 sage, as a muse, as whatever it may be in the in again on our channel, we talk about you as being if you want to know the truth about narcissism, just listen to Sam. So, just end it on whatever you
82:28 want to. But when it comes to victimhood, you started all kind of stir, man. You started all kind of trouble when we talked about victimhood
82:35 because a lot of people, oh, it's victim blaming. You know, you know the speech people, you can't say that. You know,
82:41 you please for the new generation, explain. First of all, you should make a distinction between being victimized.
82:48 Yes. And being a victim. You said that in the last show, but please go ahead and just explain it again for the new
82:54 generation that's watching. Obviously, people who spend time with the narcissist are repeatedly victimized.
83:00 Correct. They've been subjected to multiple instances of victimization. But being victimized even on a repetitive recurrent basis doesn't mean doesn't make you a victim.
83:13 Victimhood is an identity. Victimhood means you're letting go of who you used to be and you're becoming something else. You're becoming a victim
83:24 now. And this is exactly what the narcissist wants wants to happen. This you're
83:30 perpetuating the narcissist agenda. You're perpetuating the abuse by other means. You're self-inflicting abuse.
83:38 So yes, you've been victimized egregiously, even horribly even. You you know what? You suffer from complex trauma. You've been traumatized. I'm not taking any of this away from from the
83:49 victims. Not taking any of this away. I'm not victim blaming. Nothing justifies abuse. No excuse for abuse. No
83:57 excuse even for reactive abuse. In other words, even abuse doesn't justify abuse.
84:03 Nothing justifies abuse. However, that something happened to you in life doesn't make you this event. So, if you've been victimized, it doesn't make you a victim. If you've been run over by
84:16 a car, it doesn't make you a perpetual accident victim. It It doesn't define you. What has happened to you and what's been done to you doesn't define you. Never let it
84:28 define you. It's a really bad idea because victimhood implies learned helplessness.
84:34 Victimhood implies dependency. Victimhood is a permanent state of profound sadness and grief. Victimhood holds you back because if
84:45 you're victim, you're not an agent. You have no agency. You're not able to act.
84:51 You're not able to make a difference. you're not able to change your situation and so on so forth because you cling on
84:57 to your victimhood identity. You're afraid to lose it. Mhm. What if you suddenly succeed in life? What if you
85:05 make a break? What if you what if you become a best-selling author or famous actress or whatever? You're losing your
85:11 victimhood and you're emotionally invested in your victimhood because it had become your identity. Victimhood holds you back. It's what we call an
85:19 inhibitory identity. It inhibits you. So it's a really seriously catastrophically
85:27 bad idea to go around identifying yourself as a victim, claiming victimhood as the determinant and the contour of who you are because
85:40 gradually you vanish and you reemerge as as an obstruction as a symbol not as a
85:47 human being anymore. takes away your humanity. And what I am furious, infuriated by is
85:55 that the vast majority of online YouTubers
86:01 leverage and encourage and foster and engender victimhood deliberately.
86:07 Mhm. Because they know that it's a trap, a honey trap. The honey The honey goes to the YouTuber. The trap goes to the victim. Yes. Correct. And so I'm infuriated.
86:20 Instead of saying, "Listen, you've been victimized. First thing you need to do, what did you contribute?"
86:26 Mhm. What What What did you do? What did you decide? Which choices did you make that led you to this predicament so that you never repeat them again? Mhm. Uh you've been victimized. There's
86:40 no excuse for this. The other party should be punished one way or another and so on so forth. And definitely you should go through a period of grieving and and even self-pity. You should wallow in self-pity a bit. But then you should emerge. You should
86:58 ask yourself what did I do wrong? And then you should have a plan on how to proceed in life. Putting what has
87:05 happened to you behind you. No one is saying this online. Very few. Vast
87:11 majority are not saying this. They're saying the narcissist is a demon. He's evil. Whatever has happened to you is
87:18 not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You're angelic. You're perfect. You're amazing. It's a narcissist 100%. Uh it's an accident. It's a force of
87:29 nature. It's like being caught in a hurricane or a tornado or something, you know. Mhm. That is completely untrue.
87:35 Studies show conclusively that people who team up with narcissists
87:41 and so on so forth. The first thing they do, they deny their intuition. They suppress their gut
87:48 instinct. They deceive themselves. They lie to themselves because they're lonely, because they're
87:55 desperate, or because they're sex starved or because they like the fantasy or because because they're grandio as well. I mean whatever the reason may be the victims definitely have a contri
88:07 contribute to what has happened to them. They have made bad stupid choices and decisions and they should face this. They should confront this um truth. It's
88:19 unpalatable truth. It's a painful truth. But there is no growth without pain. No
88:25 growth, no development without loss. You need to lose your innocence as a victim.
88:31 If you as a victim self-impute innocence, if you say I was a baby in the woods, I didn't know
88:38 anything. I didn't understand anything. It was done to me. I was a passive object. I was a magnet.
88:45 I was just there and things were happening to me. Even the language in these forums is very wrong because it's a passive language. He did this to me. It was done to me. This you are nothing but an object. You're a passive entity
89:02 that everything and everyone they do things to you like you you're Yeah. Yeah. You're just you're just there and everything just happens on top of you. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have agency. You
89:13 don't have responsibility. You should not be held accountable. You should not soul search. You should not contemplate
89:19 and analyze. You should not should not do any of these things because why bother? You did nothing wrong, you know.
89:26 So what you should do, you should split. Splitting is a primitive defense
89:32 mechanism common in childhood. The child says, "Mommy is all bad, I'm all good," or
89:40 vice versa. So splitting is when you divide the world to all good and all bad. These victims online, they split
89:46 all the time. They say, "The narcissist is all bad and I'm all good." And the irony is that splitting is a
89:53 narcissistic defense. Narcissist split. That is correct. Yes. And so what
89:59 happens is the victims the victims engage in narcissistic behavior. When you say another person is all bad and I
90:06 am all good, that's a narcissistic statement. It's a grandio statement. Oh, without a doubt. Yeah. Wow. So this is
90:14 why victimhood is really bad for you. The first thing you need to do is get rid of it. The second thing you need to do is you need to be brave and courageous and face who you used to be
90:25 because who you used to be brought you to where you ended up being and dealing with the narcissist. Yeah. Who you used
90:32 to be. Whatever that state you were in, whatever I'll use myself. Whatever state I was in got me in that situation with that narcissist. To ignore that means
90:43 well you probably seen it. It's you're going to repeat it. You're going to repeat it multiple times. I mean, I've come across Yeah. It don't matter whether it's a job, in-laws, Yep. And and you go, I don't know why this keeps
90:54 happening to me and I keep picking the wrong person. You're laying down context, foundation, the facts. Yeah. We have to what did you say earlier? Soul search. And this is not v victim
91:05 blaming. This is victim saving. I'm not victim blaming. I'm I'm I'm saving victims. But no one would listen because when you're in the victimhood state, you have a lot of company,
91:18 like-minded people. Oh, yeah. It's Yeah. You got cheerleaders. You got You got Yeah. They got The bleachers are full.
91:24 Yeah. Everybody's in the same boat and everyone is validating your messaging and and it just keeps Yeah. It just
91:31 keeps Oh, you're so powerful. Yes. You're right. Yeah. And it just keeps going and the person stays in a state of
91:37 whatever you were describing earlier. But one thing is for sure and it's just me. I don't know. I'm not, again, I repeat, not in your field. Just from
91:44 doing these shows and talking to people, they're angry all the time. Yeah. And this this is like up and down passive
91:50 aggressive as well as straight out. Yeah. But I can help you. But as I said,
91:56 and it's like a it's like a cult. It's like a cult. It's like, hey, just come over here with us cuz those other people
92:02 don't understand you and unless you've gone through it, we're it. It's very sick. It's very It's very powerful, too.
92:09 It's very divisive. And here's the irony. They're full of strife. Here's the irony. It's a shared fantasy. I'm sorry. Oh man, I I should have caught that. Yeah, now that you say it, I can see it. Yeah, it's a shared fantasy
92:20 within within the victimhood. Within victimhood, I want to say cabal. Yeah. Yeah. But not everyone that's in it is
92:27 sees everything the same way. They're just caught up in it and maybe they need some some truthtelling to get out of
92:33 there. But as a whole, it's a shared f reality. It's a fantastic space because
92:39 it's not real and it encourages grandiosity. Oh, without a doubt. It
92:45 feeds it. Excuse me. Yeah. It feeds it. It's the only way to It almost You would
92:51 know this better than I would, but it almost seems as if that's what keeps it alive. Yeah. The grandiosity and and so on and so the the pseudo I don't feel bad when I say these things. On the very contrary, I think
93:02 I'm doing a great service. Yeah. You said it the first time and like I said, I don't get hate mail, but there's sure
93:08 a lot of people go like, "How could you let him say that Pax?" I said, "But I kind of agree with what he said. I wish he would have talked about it more
93:15 because people, from what I was seeing, they were either on one side of the fence or the other. There was no straddling the fence. You're either hating victims or, hey, you know what? My dad would have, you know, somebody
93:26 wrote me and said, hey, my dad would have told me that. He's dead now. But I I like what Sam told me and I'm going to
93:32 do something about it because I am looking at this wrong because I can't get out of bed. I did and I'm with the hanging with the same people. I'm
93:38 watching the same videos on YouTube and it goes on and on. So, thank you for saying part of the fantasy is the world
93:44 is a just place. There's just Oh, Sam. And I see what you're saying.
93:51 And I I should have my dessert. Like if I deserve something, I should have it. If I'm a good person, if I'm a nice person, if I'm a kind person, bad things should not happen to me. Should not
94:01 happen to me. So, but bad things happen to good people. Oh, yeah. And the world is not not just there's no justice in
94:09 the world. Yeah. Justice is is something in our minds. We impose it on the world, but it's not it's not out there. It's in
94:15 here. There's no justice. It doesn't get it doesn't get poured on us from some outside source. It's random. It's all
94:22 right. So when you come across a narcissist or or an abuser doesn't have to be a narcissist and you you victimize, you say it can't be. I'm a good person. This shouldn't have shouldn't happen to me. So that means
94:34 that he's a demon or he's a evil or you know this shouldn't happen to me. But
94:40 why shouldn't it happen to you? What makes you so special? Bad things happen to everyone. Good and bad people alike.
94:48 Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why shouldn't it happen to you? Is there a single human being on earth who has not been
94:54 victimized at least once in their lifetime? That's correct. This is nonsense. Why do you deserve to not be
95:00 victimized? Isn't this narcissistic to believe this? That you have a special status that you should never be victimized, that you're entitled to not be victimized. You're not entitled to
95:11 not be victimized. You will be victimized time and again because this is the way of the world.
95:17 This is the way of the world. You're not entitled to special treatment. You're not chosen. You're not selected. You're not an empath. So this is what I rail against. This
95:28 this sense grandio sense of specialness and uniqueness which should confer some
95:34 kind of immunity and impunity. You know, yeah, bad things happen to other people, but they should never have happened to
95:40 me because I'm so special. I'm so amazing. I'm so, you know, that's a narcissistic. It's a narcissistic
95:46 message. Well, that's that's the foundation of it, right? That's the mindset of it. When
95:53 you when you when there's a Nazis who's a criminal and you you capture them, you
95:59 Yeah. Right. Okay. They live it. They're furious. They're upset. How could you? That's Yeah, that's so unjust. What are you doing to me? Like what? Because they
96:10 refuse to accept the consequences of their actions. And and they will justify their action. It will justify that. The narcissist believes that he is immune, that he has impunity, that he should
96:22 never be bear the consequences of his actions. Never ever. And the victims,
96:28 many victims sound like that. Like, yeah, I made I made bad choices. I made wrong choice. I mean I mean bad decisions, wrong choices, this that, but
96:39 it should have never happened to me. Why? How many good people die every single
96:45 day unjustly? How many good people are victimized? How what are you talking about? The world is about suffering.
96:52 That's the organizing principle of the world. Suffering, loss. Luckily for us
96:58 because suffering and loss are the greatest engines of personal development and growth. Learn from your experience.
97:04 Don't be a victim. Think twice about make think think twice about making that decision again. If if a person has
97:10 learned from it, be a scholar. of your own of your own life. I like that. Study
97:16 your suffering. Invest in your loss. Embrace it. Learn from it. Develop,
97:23 evolve. These are the engines of of evolution. Loss and suffering. And these
97:29 are the organizing principles, the tenets and the percepts of the world we live in. You're not special. You're not,
97:35 you know, you're not entitled to exemption. You're not exempt from life, from reality. And in life, in reality,
97:42 they're viruses, they're hurricanes, they're narcissists, they're all kinds of bad things, you know.
97:51 Some people want the bubble wrap life, Sam. Mhm. They want the bubble wrap life, and if somebody pops a couple of
97:59 bubbles on the outside, it's everything breaks loose. Yes. And that's a fantasy.
98:05 That's a fantasy defense. Well, then that as you said earlier, then they an individual that's again me.
98:12 I then could be living in a fantasy and pick a narcissist. Yes. It makes you susceptible. Makes you Wait. Wait. But
98:19 then I don't get rid of the fantasy. After the narcissist leave, I'm still within the fantasy. Another fantasy. Now I'm in the fantasy. I've added to the fantasy cuz I'm adding victimhood to it. You're moving from one cult to another.
98:30 The cult of the like that. There you go. There you go. And then again, you have a cult of the you have a cult mind. Cult
98:37 mind is a clinical term. You have a cult mind. Well, if that's the case, then Well, well, Sam, if that's the case, then a person could literally be in that cult of victimhood, per se. Mhm. And
98:47 still hitting narcissist here, hitting narcissist here, got a group of other people thinking all the same. They're
98:53 got their own little posi. And it's there's no way there's any kind of rebuilding out of that. There's no no
98:59 growth, no development, no learning. That's what I'm saying. They can speak it or parrot it or do stuff on YouTube
99:06 or Instagram and sound like it's like we're going somewhere, but they're always going to make a U-turn back to
99:12 where and don't think that this is limited to individual. Wow. Because we have collectives, we have Well, yeah,
99:19 you can have entire organizations function in that way, let alone political systems. If you take, for example, the Jews, the Jews, they have
99:28 leveraged victimhood. It's an art form. Horrible. Horrible things happen. You'll make me lose all my my Jewish friends right now. No, go ahead. I'm a Jew. I'm a Jew. I know you are, but I'm just
99:39 saying. Go ahead. Horrible things have happened to the Jews beyond correct. Beyond words. The things that have
99:45 happened to the Jews have never happened. Not just currently, but even Yes. Thousands. Thousands of Yeah. Yes.
99:51 Way before even Hitler came along. Right. Absolutely horrible things. But the Jews have adopted a victimhood
99:58 identity and it's not working well for them. It's not not in this not in this new
100:04 generation is not look at the Jews and learn the lesson. Yeah. The Jews have leveraged their victimhood identity for
100:11 thousands of years. They have used it. They've monetiz monetized it. Yes. Look at the outcomes. They're not good.
100:19 They're not good. And mind you, to some extent, the black community is is not far from that. Oh, no. Without a Yeah. You You go into any community like that. I I grew up in in
100:32 one. It's It's the It's the selling No, it's it's a selling point. Yeah. They
100:38 That's You need to stay in victimhood. That's how you can get stuff and you can do stuff because what Fortunately, my
100:44 father Fortunately, my father and my mother didn't fall for that. They made us They made us work for it and it, you know, it pays off. You see, one of the things in victimhood, except that it gets your attention and sometimes money.
100:54 Oh, of course. Yeah. Right. One of the things in victimhood is that as a victim, you have rights. Well, of
101:01 course, you have rights and and they've been trampled on. These rights impose obligations on other people. Absolutely
101:07 correct. In other words, victimhood is a manipulative strategy which empowers
101:13 you, gives you power over other people, over the other person, especially if they have not gone through it.
101:19 Especially if they have not gone through it, you use it like a badge of honor or bat to beat them over the head to get
101:25 what you want. It it confers rights. You have rights. Uh for example, you have a right not to listen to some telling you
101:32 that you should not be a victim. You have that right. You have earned that. You're suffering. You're grieving. Who
101:39 is he to tell me this? He has never been through it or all you know all that. Not only that, but he has an obligation to not tell me that. Yes. Who is he to tell
101:46 me that doesn't know how much? It's because he's a narcissist. So,
101:52 so, but if you want to see how this works, look at people, especially groups
101:59 of people who have adopted victimhood as an identity and ask yourself, did this work out? Is this strategy is a good strategy? Have they moved on from that? Have they grown? Have they really grown
102:11 from Yeah. It's it's a stagnant behavior. Yeah. With a stagnant outcome. It's it's a parasitic. Yeah, I like that even better. Yeah, it because it's it never
102:22 Sam, we've gone for a while here. Better go. But yeah, it never goes anywhere,
102:28 Sam. But they keep doing it. But then there are I just got to get this off my chest. Then there are people in the mental health field with a piece of paper on the wall that tells them, "You can stay there. Just keep coming back
102:39 for your visits to me." Of course, at 350 bucks an hour a pop. You know what I'm saying? Buy my seminars. There's no Yes. No. I didn't know about any of this, Sam, when we first got started in
102:51 August of 2020. But it has been an interesting ride for the past 5 years to find out there's a whole another life
102:57 that you've just talked about that's sucking people dry financially, emotionally, leaving them in a brain
103:04 fog. I call it chasing their tail. Monetizing suffering. Wow. I call it
103:10 monetizing suffering. That's what they That's absolutely disgustingly sad. Sam, thank you very much, my friend. Always
103:16 good to talk to you. Thank you for being the number one video. Another five years was my last
103:22 limited. Don't even wait. You were 18 the last time I we did this. You must be Jack
103:29 Benny 39 now to to transition. Yeah. Well, I'm I'm I'm going to be 63 in a
103:35 few more months. So, you're still you're still younger than me. Yeah. We're No matter what you said, you Oh, don't even don't start with me. Okay. We'll see you
103:42 later, my friend. Thank you for everything. I'll reach out to you again. All right. and see. Bye. All right. Bye-bye.

Summary Link:

https://vakninsummaries.com/ (Full summaries of Sam Vaknin’s videos)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/mediakit.html (My work in psychology: Media Kit and Press Room)

Bonus Consultations with Sam Vaknin or Lidija Rangelovska (or both) http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/ctcounsel.html

http://www.youtube.com/samvaknin (Narcissists, Psychopaths, Abuse)

http://www.youtube.com/vakninmusings (World in Conflict and Transition)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com (Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/cv.html (Biography and Resume)

Summary

Abuse, it's, narcissism, narcissist, Personality, Psychology, Reality, Sam Vaknin, Trauma, Vaknin Summaries

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