In order to grow upstairs, he was better with the I prefer not to use words like pervert or deviant or weird because they imply judgment.

I don’t think, as I said, any practice between consenting adults that doesn’t harm should never be judged.

And therefore I strongly object to words like perversion and so on.

But the first part of what you had said I think is absolutely true.

Cerebral narcissists bring to the sex when there is sex, when they’re in the somatic phase.

When the cerebral narcissist is in the somatic phase, he brings into the sex all his brain power, all his creativity, all his imagination, things he has heard and learned. He is much better at combining elements. He is much better at providing synoptic view, so synthesizing. He is much better at pushing buttons in the right sequences.

Sex with the cerebral narcissist is much more multidimensional, much more exciting and much more addictive and much more interesting than with the somatic narcissist, which precisely is the problem.

When the cerebral narcissist is hunting for a woman, he becomes somatic and then the woman is exposed to this hyper-dimensional, super-arousing, exciting, technicolor, incredible sex, which is something she had never experienced before. She goes through emotions and arousal stages that she didn’t know even existed. She’s multi-orgasmic.

I mean, most women describe this as a Disneyland, sexual Disneyland, and that’s precisely the problem.

The cerebral narcissist uses sex to capture the woman, toI call itacquisition, to acquire the woman, to hover, if you wish, the woman.

Sex is a form of drug that the cerebral narcissist gives the woman to make her addicted to him. The minute she is, the sex stops.

And that is the source of the enormous frustration of partners of cerebral narcissists.

Most of them will tell you, wow, at the beginning, the sex was wonderful. I don’t know what happened. It suddenly stopped. It’s always suddenly. It’s abrupt.

At some point, the cerebral narcissist decides this woman is mine. She’s not likely to abandon me just because there’s no sex.

So he stops the sex. Sex is a chore. It’s a maintenance thing. And it runs against these values, runs against his ideology, makes him feel low level, primitive, makes him feel somatic.

He’s a somatic. He doesn’t want to be somatic.

Somatic is his recessive side, exactly like the feminine is his recessive side in a male narcissist or masculine in the female narcissist.

We all have recessive sides, which we suppress actively. We have been taught by society, by culture, that some dimensions of ourselves, some aspects, some parts of us, we should suppress.

Yes. I’m a man. If I want to put lipstick, I will not. I will suppress it.

So cross-dressing is frowned upon. The same with the cerebral narcissist.

The somatic side is the repressed, the recessive side, the side that he doesn’t want to be or that he believes he should not be because he drags him down. It makes him common, makes him mediocre, makes him like everyone. He’s not like everyone. He’s special. He’s unique. He’s God. And he resents it.

The cerebral resents the sex. He’s very angry that he has to have sex. And he is even more angry that he loves it.

It’s a dissonance, cognitive and emotional, severe cognitive and emotional and axiological dissonance.

Axiological means the values. It’s a series of multiple dissonances. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy sex. He loves, he adores sex. He gets addicted to sex. I mean, he absolutely can’t stop.

But precisely what makes him very angry and what creates this dissonance and the only way to resolve the dissonance is to stop the sex.

So he waits. He waits until the second that he thinks it’s safe to stop the sex.

Now, of course, in some of these relationships, the other party wouldn’t take it. So either she leaves or the relationship becomes open and the parties are allowed to have outside lovers or to outsource the sex.

So many many cerebral narcissists ever don’t ask, don’t tell policy. Like, you know, the partner can find other lovers and just don’t talk about it. Many.

And it’s a solution. It’s a functional solution. Nothing wrong with it. Possibly the partner finds in this cerebral narcissist many aspects which are positive, which she wants to stay with. And okay, the physical aspects, she is satisfied with other men. It’s a doable and practical and functional solution.

But somewhere, always, there is pain.

Yes, I’m sexually satisfied with other men. I can travel and find other men. I can.

But why do I have to do this? You know, I can do this and it’s a perfect solution and everything is okay. But why do I have to do this?

Because it’s interpreted as rejection. Never mind how many books she reads about cerebral narcissists and their psychology and psychodynamics and how the mother abused them. Never mind. Ultimately, it’s perceived as rejection.

Here I am naked next to him in bed and he’s reading a magazine. It’s rejection. It’s humiliating. It’s ego shattering. It’s destructive. It’s horrible. Horrible feeling. And it pushes the partner of the cerebral narcissist to extreme behaviors like alcoholism, like I don’t know, dogging, like dating and having sex with strangers in hotel rooms. Like I’ve seen the most crazy behaviors imaginable.

And it’s the pain. The pain becomes intolerable. And in women, women internalize pain. The woman doesn’t say something’s wrong with him. She says something’s wrong with me. He’s not sleeping with me. Not because he’s fucked up. Something’s wrong with me.

And so she wants to punish herself for having failed. Even it’s not rational, not logical at all. But this is the feeling. So she wants to punish herself. So she wants to trash herself. She wants to be a slut. So she goes. She does horrible and dangerous and risky and reckless things, sexually speaking. I’ve seen this happen a lot.

And so it’s not true that, what’s the problem? I mean, the cerebral doesn’t want to have sex. Let’s have an open relationship and the woman can find other men and everything will be okay. It’s not true. She’s operating out of pain and desperation and self-recrimination and guilt and shame and a feeling of inadequacy and of rejection. And she’s operating from the wrong motives and consequently she will find the wrong men in the wrong circumstances. And she will end up very often, badly.

So that’s why my absolute recommendation is no contract. Never mind what arrangement is offered and never mind how optically it looks like a solution. It’s not a solution.

It’s never a solution. It’s possible to have a relationship where the couple has sex and also with other people like swinging or threesome or group sex. That’s possible. And that’s much easier because the couple is having sex.

But for variety, for novelty, for fun, they bring other people into the sex. That’s a much more benign situation. It’s not a situation with this rebel. With the rebel, there’s no sex. It’s utter and total rejection. People identify their sexuality with who they are. If you offer me sex and I reject you, I’m not rejecting your sex, I’m rejecting you. That’s how people perceive it. Of course it’s wrong because maybe I reject your sex but not your conversation.

But no. When people’s sexuality is rejected, they feel instinctively, intuitively, primitively that they had been rejected in their totality. And so it’s total rejection.

Imagine day in day out for years. It’s destructive.