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1. 00:02 Sometimes you find veritable gems among the YouTube comments. I will not tell you what the rest of the comments are. Julian has written this. The narcissist digests reality by dissolving it via fantasy. Like a spider injecting fantasy into a cocooned internalized object.
2. 00:27 beautiful metaphor or simile or whatever analogy. Actually, I would like to explain the aversion of the narcissist to reality. After all, it defies common sense. If the narcissist were to be embedded in reality, if the narcissist were to have an intimate good relationship with
3. 00:49 reality, the self-efficacy of the narcissist, the narcissist’s ability to act in the world and on the world would have been much improved. So why this self-defeating renouncement of reality? Why this self-destructive avoidance of reality? Why this withdrawal into a fantastic
4. 01:11 cocooned space as Julian calls it? The reason is that that anything shared is perceived by the narcissist as humiliating and demeaning. If you share something with others, it means you’re the same as others. It means you’re average. It means you’re
5. 01:36 common. It means you’re not special. You’re not unique. You don’t stand out. You’re not godlike. You’re not idiosyncratic. The minute you have a shared experience, the minute you have commonalities, you’re common. A shared experience, a shared human experience
6. 01:57 is soothing. Healthy people seek shared human experiences. Healthy people seek crave common denominators and commonalities because they are as I said soothing and reassuring and comforting. They create a sensation of safety and stability and predictability and
7. 02:20 determinacy and certainty. Certainty and safety is what we are all looking for. And one of the major ways to obtain this is by comparing notes with other people, establishing what we call an intersubjective space, getting to realize how much you resemble
8. 02:44 other people and to what extent they resemble you. It reduces the threat. It renders the world less hostile, less minutious, less threatening. And yet the narcissist perceives this shared human experience. The narcissist perceives these commonalities, regards
9. 03:06 these common denominators as a major major threat because he challenges the narcissist self-concept as unprecedented, unique, sweet gene, one of a kind. To the narcissist, a shared human experience is a narcissistic injury. If you were to tell the narcissist, I know
10. 03:32 how you feel, the narcissist would react with rage. If you were tell were to tell the narcissist, yes, I’ve had the same experience. Let me give you an advice or whatever, this would be an attack would be perceived by the narcissist as if you were attacking him. As if you’re
11. 03:49 undermining him, as if you’re challenging him, as if you’re putting him down. as if you are uh reducing him to size, as if you are dragging him, taking him, you know, to your level.
12. 04:04 the common human experience, what it means to be human, the the various elements of the lifespan, the fact that we all share templates and that we resemble each other much more than we don’t. We have arts, we have movies, we have paintings, we have works of literature
13. 04:32 precisely because we can resonate with other people precisely because their internal and external experiences are not alien to us. We are not strangers to them. There’s no estrangement between us. All human beings are first and foremost human. And this is something the narcissist
14. 04:55 rejects vehemently, voseiferously. He is not human. He shares nothing with you. You have nothing that is in common with a narcissist. He’s so unique. He’s so godlike. He’s so divine. He’s so out there. He’s so transcendental. He’s so superior to you that basically there’s
15. 05:17 no common ground. There’s no consensus and there’s no comp compromise to be had. To the narcissist, the shared human experience is a narcissistic injury. Remember that. But to reject the common experience of being human is to reject reality, of course.
16. 05:43 And all this emanates from the fact that the narcissist never have has never had never had the experience of being human. You see, if you have never been exposed to love, you would not you would never identify love when it comes your way. You would
17. 06:01 never experience it in yourself and you will never ever experience it in others. Even when you are loved by others, even if someone loves you, if you have never experienced love, you wouldn’t know it. And you of course would be, you of course would be incapable of loving yourself,
18. 06:21 incapable of giving love and receiving love. To identify love, its existence, its preponderance, its directionality, to embrace it, to immerse yourself in it, to benefit from it, you need first to have experienced it as an infant, as a child. And if you have never been
19. 06:45 exposed to it, forget about it. You will never ever, never ever experience love. You will never ever be able to identify love. If you have never been experienced, if you’ve never been exposed to empathy, if you’ve been treated disempathically by people who
20. 07:01 lack empathy, narcissist, psychopath, selfish people, mentally ill people, evil people, you have never been exposed to empathy. The RA radiance, the soft radiance of empathy, this infusion of this holding and containing that is a crucial bit of empathy. If you have
21. 07:26 never experienced any of this, if you have never resonated with another human being as a child, then you would not know empathy when it comes your way and you would not experience it in yourself or in others. And this inability to bridge the gap
22. 07:43 between yourself and another person, this incapacity to mentalize, to create a theory of mind about other people is at the root of rejecting humanity, humaness, the human experience. Narcissist rejects them because he cannot identify them. And because he
23. 08:06 cannot identify them, he sees no value in them. And they challenge his perception as a separate world, a separate entity. Self-perception as a separate world, separate entity is not human. Narcissist doesn’t perceive himself as human. He perceives himself as the next stage in
24. 08:26 evolution. Super human, the superman, the nitian superman without the morality. And so this is why Julian, this is why narcissists digest reality by dissolving it in fantasy. Fantasy allows the narcissist to vicariously experience that which he can never
25. 08:49 experience directly with other people. Fantasy allows the narcissist to populate it with avatars that are fully controllable, fully manipulable, can be molded and shaped and shapeshifted the way the narcissist does, the way the narcissist needs them to to be.
26. 09:06 The narcissist is a spider. He is injecting fantasy into the cocoons of his internal objects because he needs to eradicate and exterminate and eliminate any shred or hint any echo and resonance of reality.
27. 09:25 Reality is the overwhelming overriding threat menace to the narcissist’s ability to precariously balance constructs of personality which are counterfactual, which are fantastic, which are cognitively distorted. They’re grandios and which push the narcissist further
28. 09:48 away from fellow beings and their habitat and ecosystem aka reality.