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1. 00:00 Yeah. So, we distinguish between two types of child grooming.
2. 00:06 Internet grooming and localized grooming. Internet grooming is when a
3. 00:12 child is approached online via the internet by someone with sexual
4. 00:20 intentions. And localized grooming is when the same happens but usually offline in a club, in a library, in a
5. 00:27 grocery store, in on the way to school, in school. So localized grooming is
6. 00:33 grooming in physical settings by an adult and it’s an exponentially growing scourge.
7. 00:39 Yeah. There there there are recent studies starting in 2011
8. 00:45 about half half a shocking number half of all minors between the ages of 12 and
9. 00:51 17 are accosted online by sexual predators.
10. 00:57 Now one of every 10 adolescents they sexed with these adults. They exchange
11. 01:03 sexually explicit material with these strangers. And it is a myth that these adults
12. 01:10 pretend to be teenagers. That’s absolutely untrue. The majority, the vast majority of these sexual predators
13. 01:16 present themselves as adults and express immediately the wish to have sex or to
14. 01:23 exchange sexual material. In other words, they rarely hide their identity
15. 01:29 or their intentions. Now in onethird of these cases about 3% of all teenagers
16. 01:36 there is an offline meeting the parties discuss an offline meeting and in in one of 300 adolescents proceed
17. 01:47 to the to meet the sexual predator. So one in 300 adolescence ends up meeting
18. 01:53 the sexual predator. And these teenagers had reported that
19. 01:59 they went to the meeting with the express and premeditated intention of
20. 02:05 having sex with their interlocutors. So it’s again not true that they the
21. 02:12 teenagers or adolescence go to these meetings not knowing what’s going to happen. They go to these meetings to have sex
22. 02:18 and then in many many cases too many to
23. 02:24 countenance these teenagers are subjected to group sex and many of them
24. 02:30 are prostituted although it is not presented as prostitution is presented as a favor.
25. 02:36 Can you do me a favor and sleep with this guy? Uh this guy is my friend. Would you mind sleeping with him? or
26. 02:44 you’re so nice to me, I love you. Can you help me with this guy? He he needs a friend for the night or these kind of things. So, but it’s prostitution because the teenager is uh is recycled
27. 02:56 among multiple uh sex partners, adult sex partners. And usually the gang that
28. 03:04 recycles the teenage these teenagers collects money for the services. And so this is 100% prostitution. Now um
29. 03:13 these these teenagers are given alcohol. They’re given drugs unlimited amounts
30. 03:19 usually before the sex to facilitate the sex to disinhibit them to disinhibit them because at some point these teenagers begin to understand that something’s wrong. But I have read
31. 03:31 literature. I’ve read case studies and literature and I had interviewed uh quite a few of these teenagers maybe in my career 50 or 60 of these
32. 03:42 teenagers. Um sometimes
33. 03:48 immediately after the events and sometimes decades later when they came to me as as uh clients.
34. 03:55 And here’s the thing, they deny. They deny and refrain. In order to survive
35. 04:02 with a shame and with a guilt and with a self-directed anger and aggression, these people have to lie to themselves. So they deny everything. They repress
36. 04:13 everything. And above all, they reframe everything. They said, “It wasn’t abusive. I wanted it. I wanted the sex.
37. 04:21 I loved the sex. I was the one who initiated the sex. I was the one who asked for sex. Um, yeah. And I wanted
38. 04:28 multiple partners because I was discovering my sexuality and it was great fun. And it was a phase. Many of them would say it was just a phase. I I you know it
39. 04:39 took two years and I was out of it. And now I’m a a normal healthy person and you know it had no effect on me. It
40. 04:45 definitely was not traumatic because I didn’t experience it as a trauma etc etc. There’s a lot of denial. a lot of
41. 04:52 denial and a lot of uh so even if they were unconscious owing to
42. 04:59 excess drink in a blackout or something they would deny that they would say no I was conscious I knew what I was doing I wanted the sex etc it’s very difficult
43. 05:07 to establish the facts because there is enormous resistance and defense against
44. 05:14 the facts and these underage outliers because it’s one of 300 these underage
45. 05:21 outliers They have only two things in common. Number one, they have a fervent
46. 05:27 wish to belong to belong to and to be loved by a substitute family, a gang, a
47. 05:35 group, a boyfriend with his friends, so-called boyfriend. So, they want to belong, they want to be loved, they want someone to care about them. And this is because the real family is dysfunctional
48. 05:48 and and neglectful. Doesn’t care about them. So this is common denominator number one. In common
49. 05:55 denominator number two, all these adolescents were diagnosed with dark
50. 06:02 triad personality, narcissism, psychopathy, machavelanism, manipulativeness. And this dark triad personality becomes more pronounced and more diagnosible as
51. 06:14 these um as these adolescence, as these teenagers grow up.
52. 06:20 And so the disregulated and and overwhelming sexual curiosity
53. 06:29 and sexual hyperactivity in puberty is aligns with these nent disorders
54. 06:36 because psychopaths are hypersexual. Psychopathy goes hand inhand with
55. 06:42 hypersexuality. So is borderline. bottom line goes hand inhand with disinhibited sexuality and
56. 06:48 reckless sexuality. So these adolescence, the one in 300,
57. 06:55 they have all the foundations and the rudiments and the elements of psychopathy, of borderline personality disorder, some grandiosity, potentially narcissism.
58. 07:08 and their sexuality is expresses these disorders is aligned with them.
59. 07:17 And so the question is which is the chicken and which is the egg.
60. 07:25 The unspoken taboo conundrum in psychology is is this
61. 07:32 psychopathy and borderline traits involve partly hereditary brain
62. 07:38 abnormalities. They’re partly genetic and they definitely involve brain dysfunctions, brain abnormalities.
63. 07:45 And these disorders can be diagnosed even in childhood. For example, conduct
64. 07:52 disorder which is psychopathy in children. So which preceded which
65. 08:00 can these disorders can these flaws have propelled these specific children to
66. 08:07 seek or even to initiate precautious sex with like-minded predatory adults. In
67. 08:14 other words, maybe these children maybe these people are not lying. Maybe they were really the ones who had
68. 08:20 initiated the sex. Maybe they were really the ones who had wanted the sex because they were budding budding psychopaths and psychopaths are hyperactive. Coupled with the natural cur curiosity
69. 08:32 of an adolescent about sexuality. This could be overwhelming and could push them to act out and to solicit sex from
70. 08:40 sexual predators. So we don’t know what preceded what. These people have been almost universally diagnosed with psychopathy and borderline later on in life. And this must have started in adolescence. So by the time by the time by the time
71. 08:57 they found themselves with the sexual predator being
72. 09:03 prostituted or being co-opted into group sex or whatever, by that time they will already
73. 09:10 have been almost full-fledged psychopaths and border litines. And so it’s difficult to tell who who started
74. 09:18 it all. At some state, of course, these children learn that the love that they are
75. 09:26 offered by the predator is exploitive. It’s fake. They don’t there’s no love
76. 09:32 there and they don’t belong anywhere. It was all a fake facade intended to motivate them to sleep with strangers. But at the same time, these children,
77. 09:45 these adolesccents, these teenagers, they come, these underage people, they come to realize that they can use sex to
78. 09:53 manipulate people, to manipulate adults. They can wield power over adults. They
79. 10:01 can control adults with their sexuality. This experience
80. 10:07 of working together with sexual predators to give sexual services to strangers,
81. 10:15 many strangers, few strangers, doesn’t matter, teaches them the power of sex.
82. 10:21 Suddenly they feel validated, they feel empowered. And from that minute on and for the rest
83. 10:29 of their lives they become promiscuous because promiscuity guarantees control
84. 10:36 guarantees winning the power play which is the main feature of psychopathy and of course the main feature of borderline in a desperate attempt to prevent abandonment.
85. 10:47 And so internet and localized offline grooming leading to actual sex had been associated with depression and anxiety in later life. We have studies that show
86. 10:59 this. If you were exploited, sexually exploited as a teenager, you’re much more likely to have anxiety and
87. 11:05 depression later on in life. But depression and anxiety including social anxiety they are frequently dually diagnosed connected to
88. 11:16 psychopathy and borderline personality disorder even in psychopaths and border
89. 11:23 lines who didn’t have such experiences. In other words, if you’re a psychopath,
90. 11:29 if you have borderline personality disorder, you’re very likely to have anxiety and depression, whether you’ve been exploited by a sexual predator or not. So, it is impossible to prove
91. 11:39 causation. We can’t prove that the sexual predation, the sexual abuse, the sexual sexual exploitation led to the
92. 11:47 anxiety and the depression because anxiety and depression are there whether you had this experience or not. It’s a convoluted psychological landscape and it’s difficult to to disentangle what
93. 11:59 led to what if at all. Precautious sex may simply be an early example of acting
94. 12:06 out borderline or psychopathic acting out. Later when these people become adults
95. 12:13 they become promiscuous even compulsively promiscuous because this is
96. 12:19 the only technique this is the only coping strategy they had developed to feel safe to feel that they are in
97. 12:26 control to feel empowered and to fend off possible threats and and so on.
98. 12:34 Yeah. Yeah. Finish.
99. 12:40 Could you could you repeat this? Could you I’m sorry, my hearing is impaired. Could you repeat this again?
100. 12:47 Ah, feminism. Okay. Yeah. Maybe even maybe even earlier. Maybe even earlier.
101. 13:09 It’s a Yeah, it’s a difficult question.
102. 13:15 No, no, I’m not saying that. No, I’m No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m sorry. That’s not what I’m saying. I don’t know where you got this from.
103. 13:26 I don’t know where you got this from. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for the
104. 13:32 chance to clarify. I’m not against feminism and I’m definitely not a sexist.
105. 13:40 When feminism started as a sujet movement in the 19th century, it was fully justified. Women were treated as
106. 13:47 slaves or chhatel as property. They were listed in property lists. Their property
107. 13:53 belonged to the husband. They didn’t have a right to vote. They couldn’t work in a variety of professions. They couldn’t obtain education. There was
108. 14:00 numerous clauses forbade them from obtaining education. All this was wrong, catastrophically
109. 14:08 wrong. So the beginnings of feminism in the form of sufraett movements all over the world, this was justified. These
110. 14:15 were justified demands for equality and access. Absolutely. Yes. Even I would say the sufraettes were much more violent than me too. I mean much more aggressive than
111. 14:27 the the the current brand of of feminism. But feminism took a wrong
112. 14:33 militant militant turn in the 1960s as it transitioned from justified
113. 14:40 demands for equality and access to misendry, menhating, the undermining of
114. 14:47 all social institutions. whether these social institutions were part of the patriarchy, male chauvinistic control,
115. 14:55 or whether these institutions were actually good for women and not part of the patriarchy.
116. 15:02 Militant feminists were undermining all social institutions because they were established by men.
117. 15:09 That was sufficient qualification to be dismantled. And there was a useration taking over of
118. 15:16 gender roles. Women aspire to be like men. And not
119. 15:22 only did they aspire to eliminate the differences, the beautiful differences, the differences that create attraction,
120. 15:28 attraction between men and women, not only did they aspire to eliminate these differences in everything, in clothing,
121. 15:34 in behavior, in foul language, in drinking, in drug abuse, in adultery, in
122. 15:41 promiscuity. Women were trying to become men. And not only were they trying to become men, but
123. 15:48 they were trying to become psychopathic men. And they’re doing a good job of it.
124. 15:54 They’re not very far from that. The level of narcissism, for example, psychopathic narcissism among women is
125. 16:00 now equal to men, which was not the case only 30 years ago. So now we have uni gender. We have a single gender because men are exactly like women. Women are exactly like men. They have different
126. 16:11 genitalia. So it’s a single gender with two two types of genitalia. And this leads to what is called gender vertigo.
127. 16:19 We we don’t know how to behave anymore because there are no clear roles for men and clear roles for women. It’s fuzzy.
128. 16:26 It’s fluid. And it’s fluid in the bed sense because women are imitating the worst aspects of masculinity. Women are
129. 16:34 actually adopting toxic masculinity while men are adopting toxic femininity.
130. 16:41 It’s dizzyingly crazy.
131. 16:49 Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Me too, for example. So, there’s a there’s this
132. 16:55 intersectional victimhood movements and agendas which were hijacked by narcissists and
133. 17:01 psychopaths. And these victimhood movements started started with loadable aims with with
134. 17:09 appropriate demands. And so, but they were hijacked simply by narcissists and psychopaths, grandiose people. And so they these movements coalesed with a militant
135. 17:20 feminism that started in the 1960s. And now we have very disturbing orientations exacerbated by these politically correct victimhood meto uh grievance movements. Every disagreement, every argument,
136. 17:38 every conflict, every shade of opinion, every form of critical thinking is now considered abusive,
137. 17:44 it it flattens speech. We are creating flat speech speech.
138. 17:51 Women and men gradually began to resent each other, vilify each other, label each other. I would even say that today there’s hatred
139. 18:02 between men and women collectively. collective hatred. They hate each other. And this you can see you see Yeah,
140. 18:09 exactly. You can see examples of this and and it’s culminated in misogynistic movements such as incelss, red pillars,
141. 18:16 mikttows and so on in the manosphere. It’s really bad out there.
142. 18:22 And and it didn’t help that there were also economic trends
143. 18:30 which made matters worse. For example, divorce. The skyrocketing rates of
144. 18:36 divorce now around 50%. Now and for the last few decades around 50%. So divorce, for example, this was
145. 18:44 the greatest transfer of wealth and property in human history, dwarfing the
146. 18:50 oil shock of the 70s, dwarfing anything that had ever happened in human history.
147. 18:56 this transfer of gigantic ginormous amounts of money and property from men
148. 19:03 to women in divorce settlements. This didn’t help. It left men very
149. 19:09 bitter. And it did not empower women. By the way, single women after divorce are
150. 19:16 poorer than when they are married. The academic attainments of women now
151. 19:22 and for the last 15 years exceed men’s about twothirds of all college graduates are women. Men are not getting education
152. 19:34 high education and so their earning potential is much lower than women in the long run in the next few decades. So
153. 19:41 women are much more educated. it’s more difficult for them to find an appropriate partner, someone to talk to after the sex, you know, and this has led to the replacement
154. 19:52 of of men by women. Women have displaced many men in middle
155. 19:58 class professions. So now men are rebelling. They’re
156. 20:04 protesting. They’re pushing back because men are boys be boys. They are aggressive. They are testosterone laden. They’re enraged. They are not they, you know, they don’t
157. 20:14 play pay attention to the nuances of the subtle and fine fine print and fine points. So men refuse to marry. Marriage
158. 20:22 rates collapse. Men refuse to have children. Why? Because they can have sex
159. 20:28 at at the drop of a hat. Sex is has been commodified. It’s now emotionless. Yes.
160. 20:34 Ask any young person, they will tell you sex, it’s nothing. It’s a physical function. It’s fun. It’s just for fun.
161. 20:42 No, we’re not emotionally involved. There’s no intimacy here. It’s five pumps and five dumps. That’s all. That’s
162. 20:49 what sex is. So, sex is around the corner. And since sex is around the
163. 20:55 corner, why get married? Why why buy the whole cow if all you want is a glass of milk?
164. 21:01 And so this uh unbridled access access to sex
165. 21:08 coupled with the unfavorable matrimonial legislation which favors women.
166. 21:14 This created a disincentive for men to marry and have children. They have no incentive to commit or to invest in
167. 21:20 relationships or even to have relationships. Indeed, for the first time in human history, majorities of
168. 21:26 people, especially women, are single. Women and men pine for each other. They
169. 21:33 miss each other. There’s nothing more beautiful than a couple. By the way, not only men and woman, any couple,
170. 21:39 homosexual couple. There’s nothing more beautiful than being than togetherness.
171. 21:45 Nothing more soothing and comforting and supporting and life extending than intimacy. And men miss women and women miss men.
172. 21:56 Everyone is cocooned in bachelor pads or stuck in in in in dives and and
173. 22:04 single joints and no one is getting anywhere and the genders meet miss each
174. 22:10 other. But I I think it’s too late. Yeah. I think Yeah. No, no, no, no. I don’t see any cause for
175. 22:21 optimism. I’m sorry. I I have to disagree with you. So I have to disagree with you. Uh we also have a bit of an
176. 22:27 age difference. I have a perspective over you. I don’t see any reason for optimism. I think it’s too late. The
177. 22:34 schism, the divide, the abyss between the genders will not heal. It’s only getting worse. It’s getting worse. If
178. 22:41 you look at statistics, numerous studies, people under age 25,
179. 22:48 they date 56% less. Dating apps fill in the gap but not
180. 22:54 efficiently. A tiny fraction of a sliver end up actually dating
181. 23:01 and majority of youth of the youth people under age 35 they lead celibate
182. 23:07 lifestyles that’s a majority. I think you may enjoy
183. 23:13 watching or benefit from watching my video about youth sexlessness
184. 23:19 where I had summarized the 20 20 largest studies of youth sexuality. But you know what the video is 1 hour long. Let me summarize it for you. A
185. 23:30 video about youth sexuality. There isn’t. End of story. Thank you for listening. No youth sexuality. That’s
186. 23:37 all. Well, you know, youth, young people
187. 23:44 become adults, adults and adults. So, if you get used in your So, if you get used
188. 23:51 in your adolescence or as a young person to not have sex, to not have relationships because you don’t know how
189. 23:57 to have relationships. If you are used just to pump and dump and I mean that’s how your life is going to look like. sterile, lonely, wasted, dead.
190. 24:09 Young people are dead inside. Dead inside. Of course I do. Of course I’m not generalizing. You can always
191. 24:16 come with an anecdote of your cousin who is not dead inside. I’m talking about youth. The picture is not good. The
192. 24:22 incidence of anxiety went up five times. The incident of depression, incident of
193. 24:28 depression went up three times. Suicide rates have climbed 50%
194. 24:35 in the last decade alone, especially among young women. It’s not a good
195. 24:41 picture. None. Teenagers are voting with their
196. 24:47 guns and nooes. They’re committing suicides and pills and knives. They’re
197. 24:53 killing themselves. They don’t want to live in this world. Honestly, I can’t blame them. God knows what will happen
198. 24:59 after the pandemic.
199. 25:05 Okay, we can always disagree. No, I I think I think it’s good to move on
200. 25:13 to the next question. I I say what I have to say. I mean, what else can I say?
201. 25:20 Okay, I disagree. I don’t know. I’m data driven, not
202. 25:27 anecdote driven and not hope driven. I don’t believe in hope. I believe there’s nothing worse ever to have been invented
203. 25:33 than hope. Hope is a is a drug.
204. 25:39 Hopefulness is a drug addiction. Okay? You wish to hope. I hope you
205. 25:46 succeed to hope in the face of all the overwhelming tsunami of data.
206. 25:52 Okay. Let’s let’s move on. Let’s move on, please.
207. 26:00 Mhm. Yeah. Sorry.
208. 26:06 Yeah. It’s a new study. It’s published last July. It just supports something that Theodor Millan others had been saying for decades. Ein
209. 26:17 quote, Hines quote is the father of narcissistic personality disorder. These people have been saying it for decades. Hans quote said it in 1974. And they humbled me. I also said it 20
210. 26:29 uh 20 uh 20 what? In 1995, 26 years ago. I’m I’m cited in the articles. Well, my work is cited in the
211. 26:40 article. So they simply say that what we used to consider as as narcissists are actually psychopaths and that real narcissists are compensatory. And all the big names in in psychology actually
212. 26:51 said the same. It’s very surprising. Yeah. Compensatory. It’s like, you know,
213. 26:57 uh they feel inadequate, they feel inferior, and they’re covering up for it with a show, with an act. Mhm.
214. 27:05 No, not not not every narcissist is a psychop grandio narcissist. It’s subsection. It’s a Yeah, it’s a few narcissists. They’re grandios and they are psychopaths
215. 27:17 probably. Yeah. All psychopaths have grandiosity. All border lines, by the way, have grandiosity as well. Radiosity is a is a trait or maybe a cognitive deficit
216. 27:28 depending how you depending how you conceive it. Yeah, it’s common in in many disorders. Even in psychosis, by
217. 27:34 the way, there grandio psychotic grandiosity. Psychopaths don’t experience
218. 27:40 motification like narcissist. No, no.
219. 27:46 The narcissist mortification is when the the firewall, the fortification,
220. 27:53 the defense that he had constructed, the false self crumbles and the narcissist
221. 27:59 is remains like a turtle without a shell, skinless, defenseless, facing
222. 28:05 himself in the mirror without the distorting effects of the false self. The false self keeps
223. 28:13 lying to the narcissist all the time. The false self tells the narcissist you are you are handsome you are
224. 28:19 irresistible you are a genius you are so there’s a feedback from the false self supported by well-meaning people narcissistic supply so when this is taken away narcissist faces himself in the mirror and says I’m not a genius I’m an idiot and I’m not handsome I look
225. 28:36 like on a bad day so and that is motification psychopaths don’t have this
226. 28:42 psychopaths actually are effectless. They don’t have effect. They don’t have emotions, of course. They don’t have empathy, but they don’t have anything else. They’re like very
227. 28:53 very primitive basic organisms. They have dim steerings of disappointment, resentment, frustration,
228. 28:59 aggression. When they are rejected, generally they psychopaths experience
229. 29:05 only one of two binary mental states. They either feel euphoric and king of
230. 29:11 the world, a bit manic, or much more often, they feel bad. Not bad,
231. 29:17 depressed, not bad, ashamed, not bad, guilty, just bad like they’ve eaten
232. 29:23 something bad. You know, like you feel bad after you ate something spoiled. They just feel bad. Byak kind of
233. 29:30 feeling. So the psychopath is in one of two states. I’m on top of the world. Byak I’m on top of the world. This kind
234. 29:36 of thing. And it’s very very u fundamental very basic. It’s you can’t
235. 29:43 break it down to anything. Narcissist internal world is much richer than the psychopath. And so psychopaths react respond with reactance.
236. 29:54 They are defiant. They’re angry when they are humiliated in public. But they
237. 30:00 are not motified. They’re not motifed because psychopaths are goal oriented. They want to get from A to B. Never mind who stands in the way and who said what to whom. They are just on their way to
238. 30:12 B, point B. So when they’re humiliated or attacked or insult, they shrug it off. They shrug it off and they move on.
239. 30:21 The mafiaons, the mobsters who revenge and avenge, they do it because honor,
240. 30:27 reputation is the glue that holds everything together in crime. It’s not
241. 30:33 because they take it personally as they keep saying in the movies. I’m killing you, but it’s nothing personal. It’s business, you know. Or you’re my friend, I will kill you for free. No, not you.
242. 30:44 You’re not my friend, so I will not kill you. I will not kill you. I’ll keep you alive.
243. 30:52 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. We have a few We have a few more minutes. I I have a client in Yeah. Absolutely. Go ahead.
244. 31:26 Teenager
245. 31:41 Gary.
246. 32:52 Like with everything else, there are numerous myths about pedophiles. First of all, it is not true that
247. 32:59 pedophiles are attracted only to children. A majority of pedophiles are heterosexual
248. 33:06 and majority of them have families and children of their own. And they are attracted to opposite sex actually and actively attracted to
249. 33:17 opposite sex. That’s a majority. Majority uh 20% of population have constant pedophile
250. 33:25 fantasies. It’s not rare. Majority of fathers are sexually attracted to their teenage daughters. It’s also a fact. Um, I said before, anything can be a sexual
251. 33:43 object. Your daughter could be a sexual object. Why not? She’s young, she’s beautiful,
252. 33:50 she’s, you know, she’s new, she’s sexy.
253. 33:56 There’s no problem in principle for a father to be attracted sexually attracted to his to his daughter. I
254. 34:04 would have found it actually very disturbing if a man with all the equipment would not be attracted to a young female just because
255. 34:15 technically he is her father. That would for me indicate some serious sexual disturbance.
256. 34:22 The question therefore is not in the urges and the drives as Freud said in
257. 34:28 the Eid as he called it. We have numerous drives and numerous urges which are not acceptable in society, damaging to others, harmful. And it is our role
258. 34:40 via the ego and so on to control these drives, to moderate them, to modify them, to sublimate them to. This is one
259. 34:47 of them. The the the drive to have sex with children is ancient
260. 34:54 and until extremely recently codified in the law in Britain. Until 160 years ago in
261. 35:03 Britain, the legal age for marriage for a for a woman
262. 35:09 was 10 years old. 10. In Yemen until a few years ago was 12.
263. 35:16 Afghanistan was 12 and so on. This is culture dependent. In the vast majority of in the vast majority of the world until very recently, a woman at the age of 12 was
264. 35:28 able to conceive and the minute she had a period, she was able to conceive and was considered, you know, eligible for
265. 35:34 marriage. The concept of childhood is very new concept. If you read Charles Dickens,
266. 35:42 there’s no mention of the word child. They used to be called young adults, young men, young women. Louisa May Alcott wrote a book. She
267. 35:53 didn’t call it young children. She called it young women. The book is about children. If you read
268. 36:00 Louisa May Elkot’s book, which is now a movie, it’s about children, but she has
269. 36:07 no concept of children. She calls them young women. Because starting at the age of four or
270. 36:13 six depending on the people went to work in factories to help the father or in the fields or if they were already 12 years old they had children. It’s now
271. 36:24 the very concept of child is very new. As the concept of child was invented
272. 36:30 again in Victorian Britain and in France this time concept of child was invented we started to have prohibitions on certain interactions with children. Now pedophilia is and should remain a crime active pedophilia. And so we should
273. 36:47 distinguish between the act and the fantasies. Fantasies are common. They are not unique to narcissists. They are
274. 36:54 detailed. There is a sprawling industry of child
275. 37:00 pornography online. because of that the and the fantasies should not be
276. 37:06 suppressed cannot be suppressed cannot be fought cannot be on the very contrary I think it’ll be counterproductive so
277. 37:13 what should be monitored very closely are the acts and this is where your next your other question comes in where’s the
278. 37:19 line where’s the line first of all because of the unique structure of narcissist and psychop
279. 37:25 psychopath personality the risk of incest is much higher with narcissists and psychopaths
280. 37:32 And the risk of pedophilia, active pedophilia is is much higher with narcissists and psychopaths
281. 37:38 because they regard the children as an extension of themselves. So they’re actually having sex with themselves because they think they are actually
282. 37:44 educating the child or doing the child a favor introducing the child to sex because they believe that u the child
283. 37:51 needs some kind of special protection. I mean they it’s endless very big risk with narcissists and psychopaths. Nazaris and psychopaths. The minute inappropriate behavior begins to show
284. 38:02 up, the kind you described with the bathroom and so on, this this must be
285. 38:08 cause for serious alert because it’s a slippery slope. And the narcissist starts by entering the shower when the
286. 38:16 child is naked and before you know it, he’s having sex with the child. It’s in the case of narcissism and psychopaths.
287. 38:22 There’s no impulse control, no boundaries, no limits, no obedience to rules, no. So there you cut it the
288. 38:30 minute there is the first hint of inappropriate uh behavior. Not with normal people.
289. 38:36 With normal healthy people a conversation would do. Listen, you embarrass a child. It’s not okay. Child
290. 38:42 may misunderstand what you’re doing. You know, it’s it’s okay. You can talk to healthy normal people. No need for
291. 38:48 alarm. But with narcissists and psychopaths, you have to be aggressively defend the child. You have to aggressively protect the child and educate the child. There if if father is doing this, it’s not okay. You should
292. 39:01 tell father please father can you live there? I mean, you should teach the child to be proactive to set the for the
293. 39:08 child to set her or his own boundaries and enforce them and warn the child to
294. 39:15 identify warning signs. My name is Sandapia. I’m the author of
295. 39:23 Malignant Selflava, Narcissism Revisit. Pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent
296. 39:31 children and they act on their sexual fantasies. It is a startling fact that the ethology
297. 39:38 of this paraphilia is unknown. We don’t know the reasons.
298. 39:44 Pedophiles come from all walks of life. They have no common socioeconomic background. Contrary to media propagated
299. 39:52 myths, most of the of pedophiles had not been sexually abused in childhood and
300. 39:58 the vast majority of pedophiles are also drawn to adults of the opposite sex. They are actually heterosexuals. Only a few pedophiles belong to the
301. 40:09 exclusive type, the ones who are attempted solely by kids. 9/10en of all
302. 40:15 pedophiles are male. They are fascinated by pre-teen females, teenage males, or
303. 40:22 more rarely both. Moreover, at least 1/5 and probably more
304. 40:28 of the population have pedophiliac tendencies. The prevalence of child pornography and
305. 40:34 child prostitution prove it. Pedophiles start out as normal people and they are
306. 40:41 profoundly shocked and distressed to discover their illicit sexual preference for for the pre- pubertal.
307. 40:50 The process and mechanisms of transition from socially acceptable sexuality to
308. 40:56 much condemned and criminal pedophilia are still largely mysterious.
309. 41:04 Pedophiles seem to have narcissistic and antisocial psychopathic traits.
310. 41:10 They lack empathy for their victims. They express no remorse for their actions. They are in denial and being
311. 41:18 pathological confabulators, they rationalize their transgressions, claiming that the children were merely
312. 41:24 being educated for their own good and anyhow derived great pleasure from the sexual act. The pedophile’s egoonyy, his ability to live with himself, rests
313. 41:37 on his aloplastic defenses. Pedophile generally tends to blame others or the world or the system for his misfortunes, failures, and deficiencies.
314. 41:48 Pedophiles frequently accuse their victims of acting promiscuously, of
315. 41:55 coming onto them, of actively tempting, provoking, and seducing or luring them,
316. 42:01 or even trapping them. The pedophile, similar to the autistic
317. 42:07 patient, misinterprets the child’s body language and interpersonal cues.
318. 42:13 The pedophile’s social communication skills are impaired and he fails to adjust information gained to the
319. 42:21 surrounding circumstances, for instance, to the kid’s age and maturity.
320. 42:27 Coupled with the pedophile’s lack of empathy, this recurrent inability to truly comprehend others caused the pedophile to objectify the targets of
321. 42:38 his lasciviousness. Pedophilia is in essence autoerotic.
322. 42:45 The pedophile uses children’s bodies to masturbate with. Hence the success of
323. 42:51 the internet among pedophiles. It offers disembodied anonymous masturbatory sex.
324. 42:59 Children in cyerspace are mere representations symbols often nothing more than erotic photos and screenings.
325. 43:08 It is crucial to realize that pedophiles are not enticed by the children themselves, by their bodies or by their budding and new sexuality. Remember no, it’s wrong. Pedophiles are actually drawn to what children
326. 43:25 symbolize, to what pre-adolescence stand for and represent. With the advent of
327. 43:31 feminism and gender equality, women have lost their traditional role as socially
328. 43:37 acceptable and permissible sexual child substitutes, except perhaps in Japan.
329. 43:43 This social upheaval may account for the rise in pedophilia across the world.
330. 43:51 The pedophile views his relationships with children in a very peculiar light. First of all, sex with children to the pedophile is free in dairy. Sex with sub
331. 44:04 teams implies freedom of action with impunity. It enhances the pedophile’s magical sense of omnipotence and immunity. By defying the authority of a state and the edicts of his culture and
332. 44:16 society, the pedophile experiences an adrenaline rush to which he gradually
333. 44:22 becomes addicted. Elicit sex becomes the outlet for his urgent need to live
334. 44:28 dangerously and recklessly. The pedophile is on a quest to reassert
335. 44:34 control over his life. Studies have consistently demonstrated that pedophilia is associated with eomic
336. 44:40 states, war, famine, epidemics, and with major life crisis, failure, relocation,
337. 44:47 infidelity of a spouse, separation, divorce, unemployment, bankruptcy, illness, death of the offenders nearest
338. 44:53 and dearest, and so on so forth. When everything else crumbles, pedophilia is an outlet. It is likely, though
339. 45:01 unsubstantiated by research, that the typical pedophile is depressive. and with a borderline personality, low organization and fuzzy personal boundaries. Pedophiles are reckless and emotionally lad. Pedophile’s sense of selfworth is
340. 45:18 volatile and disregulated. He is likely to suffer from abandonment anxiety and
341. 45:24 to be codependent or counterdependent at heart.
342. 45:30 Paradoxically, it is by seemingly losing control in one aspect of his life six
343. 45:36 that the pedophile reacquires a sense of mastery. The same mechanism is at work
344. 45:42 in the development of eating disorders, an inhibitory deficit, is somehow
345. 45:48 magically perceived as self-control and omnipotence.
346. 45:55 There’s another type of thinking, pedophile thinking. Sex with children is corrupt and decadent and therefore hot.
347. 46:03 The pedophile makes frequent though unconscious use projection and projective identification in his
348. 46:10 relationship with relationships with children. He makes his victims treat him the way he views himself or attributes to them traits and behaviors that are truly his. The pedophile is aware of society’s view of his actions as vile,
349. 46:26 corrupt, forbidden, evil, and decadent. Especially if the pedophile if the pedophiliac act involves incest.
350. 46:34 The pedophile derives pleasure from the sleazy nature of his pursuits because he tends to sustain his view of himself as
351. 46:42 bad, a failure deserving of punishment, worthless and guilty.
352. 46:48 In extreme mercif mercifully uncommon cases, the pedophile projects these
353. 46:54 torturous feelings and self-perceptions onto his victims. The children defiled
354. 47:01 and abused by the pedophile sexual attentions become rotten, bad objects,
355. 47:07 guilty and punishable. And this leads to sexual sadism, lust
356. 47:14 rape and in extreme cases snuff murders. Sex with children is a re reenactment of a painful past. Many pedophiles truly
357. 47:26 bond with their prey. To them, children are the reification of innocence, genu
358. 47:32 genuiness, trust, gullibility, and faithfulness.
359. 47:38 Pedophile associates these qualities with a nostalgic past. It’s he wishes to
360. 47:46 recapture this past via his relationships with children.
361. 47:52 The relationship with the child provides the pedophile with a safe passage to his own repressed and fearful inner child. Through his victim, the pedophile gains access to his suppressed and thwarted emotions in a way to his true self. It
362. 48:08 is a fantasylike second chance to reenact the pedophile’s childhood and
363. 48:14 this time benignely and under the pedophile’s control. The pedophile’s dream to make peace with his past become
364. 48:21 comes trueing the interaction with a child to an exercise in wish fulfillment.
365. 48:29 But sex with a child is also a shared psychosis. The pedophile treats his
366. 48:35 chosen child as an object, an extension of himself, devoid of separate systems
367. 48:41 in and denuded of distinct needs. He finds the child’s submissiveness and gullibility gratifying. As we said, he frowns on any sign of personal autonomy
368. 48:52 and regards it as a threat. By intimidating, cajoling, charming, and
369. 48:58 making false promises, the abuser isolates his prey from his family, school, peers, and from the rest of society. This way, he makes the child’s dependence on him total. To the pedophile, the child is a kind of
370. 49:15 transitional object, a training ground on which to exercise his adult relationship skills. The pedophile erroneously feels that the child will never betray and abandon him, therefore
371. 49:27 guaranteeing object constancy. The pedophile stealthily but unfailingly
372. 49:34 exploits the vulnerabilities in the psychological makeup of his victim. The child may have low self-esteem, a low self-esteem, a fluctuating sense of selfworth, primitive defense mechanisms,
373. 49:46 phobias, mental health problems, a disability, a history of failure, bad relations with parents, siblings,
374. 49:53 teachers or peers, or a tendency to blame himself herself or to feel inadequate, autoplastic neurosis as it
375. 50:00 is known. The kid may come from an abusive family or environment which condition her or him to expect abuse. as
376. 50:08 inevitable and normal. In extreme and rare cases, the the victim is a mazoist
377. 50:14 possessed of an urge to seek ill treatment and pain. Therefore, the pedophile is a perfect match.
378. 50:22 The pedophile is the guru at the center of a cult. Like other gurus, he demands complete obedience from his partner. He feels entitled to adulation and special treatment by his child mate. He punishes
379. 50:35 the wereward and the straying lambs. He enforces discipline in his household.
380. 50:41 The child finds himself in a twilight zone. The pedophile imposes on the child a shared psychosis replete with
381. 50:48 secretary delusions, enemies, mythical narratives, apocalyptic scenarios if he is flouted. The child is rendered the joint guardian of a horrible secret.
382. 51:00 The pedophile’s control is based on ambiguity, unpredictability, fuzziness, and ambient abuse. His evershifting
383. 51:08 winds exclusively define right versus wrong, desirable versus unwanted, what
384. 51:14 is to be pursued and what is to be avoided. The pedophile alone determines rights and obligations and he alters them at will. The typ the typical pedophile is a micro
385. 51:26 manager, even obsessive compulsive. He exerts control over the minutest details
386. 51:32 and behaviors. He punishes severely and abuses withholders of information and
387. 51:38 those who fail to conform to his wishes and goals. The pedophile does not respect the
388. 51:44 boundaries and privacy of the often reluctant and terrified child. He ignores his or her wishes and treats
389. 51:51 children as objects or instruments of gratification. He seeks to control both situation and people compulsively. The pedophile acts in a patronizing and
390. 52:02 condescending manner and criticizes often. He alternates between emphasizing the minutist faults devaluation and
391. 52:10 exaggerating the looks, talents, traits and skills of the child idealization.
392. 52:17 Pedophile is wildly unrealistic in his expectations which legitimizes his subsequent abusive conduct in the guise of punishment.
393. 52:28 Narcissistic pedophiles claim to be infallible, superior, talented, skillful, omnipotent, and omnicient.
394. 52:36 They often lie and confabulate to support the unfounded claims and to justify their actions. Most pedophiles suffer from cognitive def deficits and
395. 52:47 reinterpret reality to fit their fantasies. In extreme cases, the pedophile feels
396. 52:53 above the law, any kind of law. This grandiose and halty conviction leads to criminal acts, incestuous or polygamous relationships and recurrent friction with the authorities. These are the antisocial or psychopathic pedophiles.
397. 53:12 Pedophiles therefore regard relationship with children as an ego booster. Some teen children are by definition inferior to the pedophile. They are physically weaker, dependent on others
398. 53:23 for the fulfillment of many of their needs. cognitively and emotionally immature and easily manipulated.
399. 53:29 Their f of knowledge is limited. Their skills are restricted. The pedophile’s relationships with children butress the pedophile’s twin grandio delusions of
400. 53:40 omnipotence and omniscience. Compared to his victims, the pedophile is always the strongest, the wisest, the most skillful, and most wellinformed. In sex with children, of course, guarantees companionship. Inevitably, the pedophile considers his
401. 53:56 child victims to be his best friends and companions. Pedophiles are lonely, autotomaniac people. The pedophile
402. 54:04 believe believes that he is in love with or simply loves the child. Sex is merely
403. 54:10 a way to communicate his affection and caring. But of course, there are other venues. To show his keen interest, the
404. 54:17 common pedophile keeps calling the child, dropping by, writing emails, giving gifts, providing services, doing
405. 54:24 unsolicited errands on the kid’s behalf, getting into relationships with the pre-teen’s parents, friends, teachers, and peers, and in general making himself available at all times. Less charitably,
406. 54:38 this may be construed as stopping. The pedophile feels free to make legal, financial, and emotional decisions for the child. The pedophile therefore intrudes on the
407. 54:49 victim’s privacy, disrespects the child’s expressed wishes and personal boundaries, and ignores his or her
408. 54:55 emotions, needs, and preferences. To the pedophile, love means enshment and
409. 55:02 clinking coupled with an overpowering separation, anxiety, fear of being abandoned. No amount of denials, chastising, threats, and even outright hostile
410. 55:14 actions convince the erottomaniac pedophile that the child is not in love with him. The pedophile knows better,
411. 55:22 and he would make the world see the light as well. The child and his guardians are simply unaware of what is
412. 55:28 good for the child and what the child really feels. The pedophile determinantly sees it as his or her task
413. 55:36 to bring life and happiness into the child’s dreary and unhappy existence. Thus, regardless of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, pedophile is
414. 55:47 convinced that his feelings are reciprocated. In other words, that the child is equally infatuated with him.
415. 55:55 The pedophile interprets everything the child does or refrains from doing as coded messages, confessing to and
416. 56:02 conveying the child’s interest in in the pedophile and eternal devotion to the
417. 56:08 pedophile and to the relationship. Some, although by no means all, pedophiles are socially inept, awkward, schizoid, suffer from a host of mood and
418. 56:20 anxiety disorders. They may also be legitimately involved with a child. could be a stepmother, uh stepfather,
419. 56:26 former spouse, teacher, gym instructor, sibling. They could be involved with a child’s
420. 56:33 parents, for instance, a former boyfriend, a one night stand, colleagues, co-workers.
421. 56:39 Are driven by their all-consuming loneliness and the all pervasive fantasies,
422. 56:45 compensatory fantasies. Consequently, pedophiles react badly to
423. 56:51 any perceived rejection by their victims. They turn on a dime. They become dangerously vindictive out to
424. 56:58 destroy the source of their mounting frustration. When their relationship looks doomed and
425. 57:04 hopeless, some pedophiles violently embark on a spree of self-destruction and other destruction. Pedophilia is to
426. 57:12 some extent a culturebound syndrome defined as it is by the chronological age of a child. Infogilia.
427. 57:22 Ephophilia is the exclusive sexual infatuation with teenagers and is not considered to be a
428. 57:28 form of pedophilia or even paraphilia. The very idea of impermissible and later
429. 57:35 illegal sex with children has emerged in the west hand in hand with a novel concept of childhood. As western
430. 57:42 dominance and values spread globally, so did western mores and ethics. In some
431. 57:48 cultures, societies and countries, Afghanistan, for instance, the age of consent is as low as 12. The
432. 57:54 marriageable age in Britain until the end of the 19th century was 10. Sex and genital foreplay with children was common, encouraged, and even medically prescribed, literally all over the world
433. 58:06 until 150 years ago. Incest and pedophilia were often linked
434. 58:12 and sanctions. Various religious texts, including the
435. 58:18 Jewish Talmud, surprisingly, and other progressive texts, permit sexual
436. 58:24 relations, including incest, as early as age three for a girl or eight for a boy.
437. 58:30 Pedophilia was and is common and socially condoned practice in certain tribal societies in isolated communities
438. 58:37 such as the island of Pitka. It would therefore be wise to redefine
439. 58:43 pedophilia as an attraction to or sexual acts with prepubescent children or with
440. 58:50 people of the equivalent mental age the [ __ ] in contravention of social
441. 58:57 legal and c cultural accepted practices. Pedophilia is culture bound depends on
442. 59:03 the cultural context. The committee that is writing the next edition of the diagnostic and
443. 59:09 statistical man is considering to render hibophilia when adults are sexually
444. 59:16 attracted to teenagers around the time of puberty as a subt type of pedophilia and to rename it pedohhibophilia.
445. 59:27 And here’s a quote from the new scientist. The rows over hibophilia and paraphilic coercive disorder aren’t academic because 20 US states have passed laws that allow sex offenders who have served their sentences to be detained indefinitely in a secure
446. 59:44 hospital if they are deemed sexual predators. This can only be done if the offenders have a psychiatric disorder that increases their risk of reoffending, which few do according to
447. 59:56 the DSM. A critic says that if hippophilia and paraphilic corive disorder make it into
448. 60:02 the DSM5, they will be seized upon to consign men to a lifetime of incarceration. Perhaps there’s no other solution.
449. 60:18 We all collect souvenirs. Souvenirs from our trips, souvenirs from our working places, souvenirs from our relationships. I don’t want to sound creepy, but we all have aid memoir,
450. 60:31 memory aids. We all have objects, photographs, recordings
451. 60:37 that assist us in dredging up long-term memory and converting it into a vivid
452. 60:46 form of short-term memory. Of course, if this process becomes involuntary,
453. 60:54 what we have is emotional dysregulation. We are overwhelmed by emotions and the
454. 61:02 memories attached to them or in very extreme cases flashbacks when we cannot
455. 61:08 tell the difference between memory and reality.
456. 61:14 So what is so different about psychopaths,
457. 61:21 sexual sadis, serial killers, narcissists?
458. 61:28 When these people collect trophies, when they assemble
459. 61:34 uh momentos, why do we say that their actions, their choices, the objects that they accumulate are pathological?
460. 61:47 What is sick in what they’re doing? What’s the difference between having a lock of hair of a beloved one and a lock of hair of the victim of rape and
461. 61:59 murder? This is the topic, the morbid topic
462. 62:07 of today’s video. My name is Samin. I’m the author of Malignant Self-Love,
463. 62:13 Narcissism Revisited, and I’m a professor of psychology.
464. 62:20 Psychopaths, serial killers, sexual sadists and narcissists, they all collect momentos and trophies.
465. 62:29 It is the motivation behind these collections and of course the nature of the collections that render these
466. 62:36 activities manifestly pathological, sick, morbid,
467. 62:43 and dark. These people all have a disrupted sense
468. 62:50 of self, a disrupted self-concept. They don’t really feel alive.
469. 62:57 It’s as if they are dead inside and they spend their entire lives trying to convince themselves that they do exist. It is as if in the absence of drama or
470. 63:11 in the absence of hurting others or in the absence of disruption and mayhem and
471. 63:18 chaos, these people don’t feel alive. They need they need to introduce
472. 63:27 into the human environment a lot of fear, a lot of pain, as I said,
473. 63:34 a lot of drama. But all this is done in order to prove
474. 63:40 to themselves that they do exist. That this allervasive, all permeating,
475. 63:47 all consuming, all subsuming feeling that they are somehow
476. 63:55 not real. some somehow imitatory somehow some kind of simulation.
477. 64:06 They’re trying to overcome this. They also have lingering suspicions that they may be not entirely normal. So they’re
478. 64:14 trying to prove to themselves that they are normal. These twin motivations, the drive to
479. 64:21 collect evidence of one’s own existence and the drive to prove to oneself and to
480. 64:27 others that one’s life, one’s personality are totally normal.
481. 64:34 This drive to normaly and drive to existence or the experience of
482. 64:40 existence. These are the twin drives behind narcissism, psychopathy, sadism
483. 64:47 and in extreme forms behind people who become serial killers.
484. 64:54 Now the trophies and momentos that healthy normal people accumulate,
485. 65:01 collect over a lifetime, they are linked to memories
486. 65:10 and to emotions. So when you have a momento or a trophy
487. 65:16 from a trip abroad, it brings up the memories of the trip and the emotions
488. 65:22 that you have experienced while you were traveling. That’s in a healthy setting
489. 65:28 with these sick individuals. The me momentos and memory the momentos and trophies do not represent memories. They’re not linked to memories
490. 65:40 or at the very least not directly linked to memories and not mainly linked to memories. Memory is an afterthought, a
491. 65:47 side effect. The momentos and the trophies are linked to other people. Psychopaths, serial killers, sexual sadists, narcissists, pedophiles, and so
492. 66:00 on. They collect people. They don’t collect memories. They have problems with memory. They have memory gaps and dissociation. They don’t collect emotions. They don’t do
493. 66:12 emotions. They have no access to positive emotions only to negative ones. So these are not the main drivers and
494. 66:19 motivators in the accumulation of trophies and and momentos. In these cases, the main thing is the individuals from whom the trophies and momentos were
495. 66:32 taken. Not the act of taking but the victims.
496. 66:39 The momentos and the trophies are what is known as synctois. A synctoi is when a part represents the
497. 66:51 whole. We have a we have this situation in fetishism where a body part or a fashion accessory represents an entire human being. The
498. 67:03 sexual attraction of the fetishist is towards this syncdoci towards this part
499. 67:10 that represents the whole. Similarly, trophies and momentos in mentally ill
500. 67:17 people represent the victims. It’s a part of the victim, an item of
501. 67:24 clothing, a body part, um, hair,
502. 67:30 um, fashion accessory, something to do with a victim. But this
503. 67:37 object that is linked to the victim does not represent a memory of the events or
504. 67:43 of the victim or of the interaction with the victim. It represents the victim itself. It encapsulates and raifies and
505. 67:51 embodies the victim. It’s as if when a psychopath or a serial killer or a sexual sadist or a narcissist or a
506. 67:58 pedophile holds the trophy in his hand, when he or she placed the momento on the shelf, they are actually capturing encapsulating the victim himself or herself. It’s like
507. 68:17 trapping an ant in amber. The victim is trapped in the object in the momento in
508. 68:25 the trophy in totality in the victim’s total being
509. 68:32 is embedded in the trophy or in the momento as far as the sick individual is concerned. And that’s of course very reminiscent of psychic mediums. When you go to a psychic medium, she would tell
510. 68:43 you or he would tell you, “Give me an item of clothing. Give me some object that bel used to
511. 68:50 belong to the person.” Then they touch this object and then they’re able to
512. 68:56 communicate with the person because the person is the object. So if you come to a psychic medium and you say, you know,
513. 69:04 I would like to communicate with a deceased loved one, she would tell you, give me her uh purse or give me her handkerchief. And she would touch the
514. 69:15 handkerchief or the purse or the shoes or whatever. And through the object, she would make contact with the person who used to own the object. It’s the same exactly the same state of mind of the perpetrators that I’ve
515. 69:34 mentioned including psychopaths and narcissists. The object is the person because people
516. 69:41 are objects. It’s kind of a shorthand
517. 69:47 and a shortcut. Rather than place the individual on the shelf, which might prove a bit difficult
518. 69:54 logistically, let alone biologically, you place something that used to belong
519. 70:00 to the individual. Could be a body part in extreme cases.
520. 70:06 Recently, a medical doctor has been caught in France, a pediatrician,
521. 70:13 and he has molested and mutilated and raped 299 children of a a career spanning 25 years. And this medical doctor
522. 70:25 took notes of everything he has done meticulously.
523. 70:32 Another affair also in France. I don’t know what’s happening over there. Jazelle Pelico, her husband,
524. 70:39 drugged her and granted access to other men to her body, actually allowing him
525. 70:47 allowing them to rape her while she was drugged. And he kept well over 1,000 videotapes
526. 70:56 of the proceedings. These videotapes, these meticulously maintained lists
527. 71:07 are momentos. They are trophies. They are the victims. It’s not
528. 71:15 only a question of memory or reliving the experience or basking in the glory of the accomplishments or hoarding um kind of events. It’s not only that.
529. 71:28 It’s a way to capture the victims so that she doesn’t go away.
530. 71:35 It’s a way it’s accumulating these trophies and momentos is a way to cope with overwhelming
531. 71:43 separation anxiety. Separation insecurity, abandonment anxiety. It’s as
532. 71:49 if if you’re a sexual sadist, if you’re a psychopath, if you’re a narcissist, if
533. 71:55 you’re a pedophile, if you’re a serial killer, and you
534. 72:02 maltreated, abuse, even killed a victim,
535. 72:09 and you take a trophy that used to belong to the victim, including possibly a body part. It’s as if that way you
536. 72:17 fixate the victim. You render the victim immo and inert, unable to abandon you
537. 72:25 ever. It’s a form of introjection via projection. It’s a there’s an
538. 72:31 external object that is then internalized and introjected as a
539. 72:37 representation of the totality of the victim. a sync as I mentioned.
540. 72:48 Now many of you would say but not all psychopaths are serial killers. Not all narcissists are sexual say this. I mean
541. 72:55 why do you why do you why did you create this mixed list? People many people most people who are diagnosed as psychopaths don’t don’t kill people. They don’t rape people. They don’t you know they just they’re just psychopaths. And most narcissists
542. 73:11 actually the vast majority of narcissists are not serial killers and they’re not sexual cities and they’re just narcissists. just you know they do
543. 73:19 what narcissists do there being obnoxious and dismpathic exploitative and envious and and so on. So why this
544. 73:26 mixed list? Because in all these cases psychopaths, serial killers, pedophiles, sexual
545. 73:33 sadists, narcissists and so on, there is a process of converting the victims
546. 73:41 from external objects into internal objects. often
547. 73:48 via the mediation and the agency of of a something that used to belong to the
548. 73:54 victim via a fetishistic
549. 74:01 via fetishism via a fetish. So, a narcissist would convert
550. 74:09 an external object, a potential intimate partner, a potential source of narcissistic supply or a potential
551. 74:16 participant in the shared fantasy. A narcissist would convert the external object into an internal object, would
552. 74:22 introject the external object, create an avatar or a representation or a snapshot
553. 74:28 of the external object in his mind. And this internal object would acquire a
554. 74:34 life of its own while the external object is rendered mute and moot and
555. 74:41 mummified. So this is the process of snapshotting. The narcissist converts people out
556. 74:48 there, external, separate objects into internal objects immersed, subsumed by
557. 74:56 his mind, figments of his imagination and cog cognitive processes. And all
558. 75:02 this is true. But narcissists often do this by using fetishes,
559. 75:10 by using objects that belong to the external objects. So by using objects that belong to the intimate partner, by using body parts,
560. 75:22 not necessarily detached from the from the victim, but they use fetishes as a
561. 75:28 bridge. The process of snapshotting is a process of fetishization,
562. 75:34 converting the external object into a fetish. Similarly, psychopaths
563. 75:41 when they home in on an in or zero in a
564. 75:47 victim, they’re goal oriented. They want sex, they want money, they want power, they want control, they want so they
565. 75:53 home in or zero in on on a victim. When they do this, they would tend to
566. 75:59 interact with the victim via some kind of fetish. For example, money
567. 76:07 or status symbols or trophy wife. So they would convert people around them
568. 76:19 into an amalgams or assemblages of fetishes,
569. 76:27 fetishlike objects. This is of course the case with serial
570. 76:33 killers and sexual sades who literally dismember victims
571. 76:39 and take parts body parts as the as the
572. 76:46 representation of these victims in their lives. So they would decapitate people
573. 76:52 otherwise dismember or eviscerated like Jack the Reaper, Jeffrey Dharma and so on and they would use these as standins
574. 77:02 placeholders for the victims but also as
575. 77:08 full-fledged representations of the victims. In many cases, the victims are dead. And the only thing that remains
576. 77:15 alive in the sexual killer’s mind or the sexual sades mind is the body part or
577. 77:22 the trophy. Doesn’t have to be a body part. Could be a clothing, but it has to be something intimate. a piece of
578. 77:29 clothing, a fashion accessory, a shoe, a necklace, something intimate, something has been in touch with a victim’s body and can serve as a sync.
579. 77:42 Of course, trophies and momentos serve to bridge the dissociative processes that underly
580. 77:50 many of these mental health mental illnesses. These mental illnesses involve a lot of diss a lot of dissociative
581. 78:01 memory gaps, um, blacking outs and so on so forth.
582. 78:08 And the momentos and the trophies are the equivalence of confabulation in
583. 78:14 pathological narcissism. It’s like if you have a momento or you have a trophy from the event, it’s proof that the
584. 78:21 event has taken place, took place. It’s like you don’t remember it maybe or you don’t remember it clearly or the whole thing is fuzzy and so on. But the the momento or the trophy the object or the body part they are they restore your
585. 78:37 reality testing. They they restore your memory. They they ground you. It’s a
586. 78:43 grounding mechanism by touching the body part or by touching the piece of clothing or by touching the the fashion accessory. And they often touch these things. They often um play with them.
587. 78:57 They often unearth them and use them. And so there’s a lot of tactile and alactory and sens s c s c s c s c s c s c s c s c s c s c sensual interaction between these seriously
588. 79:10 mentally ill people and the trophies and momentos that they collect.
589. 79:16 And this interaction which is direct non-mediated
590. 79:22 restores the sense of continuity of memory and therefore identity.
591. 79:28 Momento entrophy proof that the event has taken place
592. 79:34 substitute for memory form of contabulation. Memory gap is bridged
593. 79:40 however artificially and superiliously and superficially it’s bridged. And then
594. 79:46 there’s a sense of personhood or selfhood. Of course, when you make a list of all
595. 79:57 the children you have raped, when you videotape all the men who have raped your your wife with your consent and collaboration, collusion,
596. 80:08 you’re setting up yourself for failure.
597. 80:14 It’s as if you’re collecting the evidence against you. As if you are your own law enforcement, as if you you are
598. 80:20 the police. You’re doing the police work. You’re doing the work of the police and
599. 80:26 the work of the prosecution because you you provide them with meticulously
600. 80:32 arranged and ledgered proof evidence of your misdeeds and and crimes. Why do they do that? Because these people of course possess what metaphorically can be described as an internalized bad object.
601. 80:50 They are very self-punitive, self-hating, self-defeating and self-destructive. As Hervey Cleley
602. 80:57 observed about almost almost 80 years ago or more than 80 years ago,
603. 81:03 there’s a lot of mazoism involved. Sadism and mazoism are flip
604. 81:10 sides of an identical coin of a single coin. If you’re a sadist, you’re also a mazoist
605. 81:16 in the vast majority of cases. And so there’s a lot of I need to be punished.
606. 81:22 I’m a bad person. I’m evil. I’m wicked. I need to destroy myself before it’s too
607. 81:29 late. I want to be captured. Or I become so self-confident that I undermine myself. My self-confidence becomes weaponized
608. 81:40 against me. Sexual the sexual predator sexual sades
609. 81:46 the they weapon their self their apparent self-confidence is actually a
610. 81:52 form of self-destructiveness. It’s weaponized against them.
611. 81:58 And so there’s a lot of self-punitive activity going on. And they maintain these records knowing full well that one
612. 82:06 day all these proofs and evidence pieces of evidence will come to light and doom them doom them completely. And yet they
613. 82:18 compulsively continue to do this. It’s the only way to take themselves down
614. 82:24 to castigate and chastise themselves to to in a way do to themselves what they
615. 82:32 have done to the victim the victims. Trophies and momentos are triggers.
616. 82:38 They trigger an addictive repetition compulsion. Now that’s very difficult to understand.
617. 82:45 But let me try let me try a simile or an an analogy.
618. 82:51 Um, a bottle a bottle of alcohol, a bottle of an alcoholic drink would trigger an alcoholic to drink.
619. 83:02 When an alcoholic comes across an alcoholic drink, he finds the alcoholic drink irresistible. This is known as cravings. Irresistible. And then he drinks the
620. 83:14 alcoholic. The alcohol in the bottle triggers the alcoholic person to drink.
621. 83:21 Similarly, the momentos and the trophies
622. 83:27 trigger the sick individual to repeat the behavior. They create a repetition compulsion
623. 83:35 because the objects themselves and the collection, the process of collecting these objects is addictive.
624. 83:44 And it’s addictive because the size and quality of the collection serve to self- enhance and regulate the
625. 83:52 sense of selfworth. It’s a form of external regulation.
626. 83:58 It’s as if it’s it’s take a serial killer for example.
627. 84:05 the more trophies he has, the more trophies he has amassed over the years. And I’m saying he because the vast majority of serial killers are men. So the more trophies he has amassed over
628. 84:16 the years, the more confident, assertive,
629. 84:24 proud of himself he is. It’s as if the trophies and momentos
630. 84:30 enhance his self-image and self-perception and self-confidence and self-esteem and regulate his sense of selfworth, stabilize it. We call this external
631. 84:41 regulation. Someone with a borderline personality disorder would use the intimate partner
632. 84:48 to regulate herself or himself to regulate emotions to stabilize labile
633. 84:55 moods and so on. It’s not very different to a serial killer. The borderline personality regards intimate partners as kind of
634. 85:07 regulatory objects. They regard the intimate partner through the lens of what the intimate partner can do for them as far as regulation of internal
635. 85:18 processes go. The borderline outsources her mind to the intimate partner
636. 85:25 and uses the intimate objectifies the intimate partner uses the intimate
637. 85:31 partner as a kind of regulator. In future probably artificial intelligence could play this role. It’s not very
638. 85:38 different to a serial killer because in the serial killer’s mind, the same process happens is happening. The serial
639. 85:45 killer objectifies the victim and then uses the victim as a form of regulator,
640. 85:53 uses the victim to butress, for example, the sense of self-esteem.
641. 86:00 Serial killer is proud of how many people he or she he has killed.
642. 86:07 He dwells um upon each and every detail of each
643. 86:14 and every murder. The sexual sades would replay
644. 86:20 the acts in his mind time and again. The psychopath would brag about how many
645. 86:26 people he has exploited and abused and tortured and molested and worse. And
646. 86:33 the narcissist would regard the presence
647. 86:39 of a participant in the shared fantasy could be an intimate partner or a best friend. He would regard this their
648. 86:45 presence as a kind of acquisition. It’s as if he has purchased
649. 86:52 slaves. It’s a form of slavery, mental slavery. As if he’s his intimate partner and his best friends and so on, they’re slaves and he owns them in a property
650. 87:03 ledger. He’s converted them into objects that help the narcissist to regulate his sense of selfworth and other internal
651. 87:15 processes. You see all these characters, they convert people into objects and then
652. 87:24 they take away trophies and momentos including body parts in order to be in possession of these people that they have objectifi
653. 87:35 objectified and dehumanized. Trophies and momentos also serve as
654. 87:42 learning materials. They remind these miscreants, these perpetrators.
655. 87:48 They remind them what they may have done wrong and they
656. 87:54 heart back. They go back to these momentos and trophies in order to kind of rehash the experience,
657. 88:02 dissect it, analyze it, and learn from it. How to better
658. 88:09 how to better repeat the same misconduct or misdeeds in the future with fewer
659. 88:17 chances of getting caught or with more excitement or with a higher level of thrill or with um better collaboration
660. 88:26 by the victim. So these are learning materials. They’re triggers. They trigger the behavior but
661. 88:32 they also teach the perpetrators how to improve their performance if you wish, how to polish it and shine it. You see the trophies and m momentos
662. 88:45 play a vital role in the psych in the psychic economy of narcissists, psychopaths and the extreme cases of narcissism and
663. 88:56 psychopathy, serial killers, sexual sadis, pedophiles, people who commit incest and so on. These are human
664. 89:04 trophies and they correspond either to internal processes or to internal objects
665. 89:11 and the whole action is internalized not external. Not externalized.
666. 89:18 When a victim is mutilated or raped or murdered or worse
667. 89:26 or dismembered at that point these processes take take place
668. 89:33 internally. It’s a re it’s a an enactment in the real world of internal dynamics.
669. 89:42 And then when it’s all over, there’s a need to maintain a tenuous connection, some kind of bridge to
670. 89:49 reality because these people are aware that their hold on reality is very
671. 89:55 compromised. They’re terrified of themselves. They’re terrified of their inability
672. 90:02 to function in the world and with other people. And so they need to confiscate
673. 90:11 to appropriate from the victims some items, some elements, some body
674. 90:17 parts so as to maintain this tenuous relationship with reality. The body parts, the purse, the
675. 90:28 handkerchief, the scarf, they they are the victim and the victim is real. The
676. 90:35 victim is reality, stands for reality, is a part of reality. And by owning the
677. 90:42 victim, however, symbolically the these people remain in their own
678. 90:50 diseased minds, grounded in reality, able to function in it, and perhaps get
679. 91:00 away with it. A proposed zodiac