Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Overt+Covert Narcissist in One Person: Self-supply (44:17), Binary Narcissism

1. 00:03 nothing good lasts forever i gave you a three weeks vacation
2. 00:09 from sam buckney but it’s over i’m back
3. 00:15 with this video and today we are going to discuss what i call the system of residuals can two narcissists inhabit the same body now this sounds a
4. 00:28 bit like the exorcist or demon possession or multiple personality
5. 00:34 disorder known today as dissociative identity disorder but actually it’s none
6. 00:40 of the above i’m going to i’m going to discuss the loaded question can analysis be both overt and covert at the same time
7. 00:52 and when this rare condition happens what does it mean how do we identify
8. 00:58 such a narcissist and what can we do about it and what can the narcissist do about it
9. 01:04 is there any way out to be one kind of narcissist is bad
10. 01:10 enough to be two kinds of narcissists in the same body at the same time this
11. 01:16 subalternity or synchronicity is a horror show it’s indeed a form of possession it calls for exorcism sanctioned by the catholic church but i can’t have this on my show i’m a
12. 01:32 jew so i’m going to discuss psychology instead a profession
13. 01:38 largely invented and propagated by jews throughout modern history
14. 01:45 okay anti-semitism anti-semitism aside let’s delve right into the topic of the
15. 01:52 video the problem starts with the concept of the unitary self
16. 02:00 at some point modern psychology had taken a detour
17. 02:06 various scholars had come up with with concepts such as self ego um personality individual
18. 02:17 and these concepts had implied that we are all atoms
19. 02:23 we are kind of self-sufficient self-contained solipsistic universes
20. 02:29 we do pass each other in the night honking our horns our foghorns like two ships but otherwise we are totally separate we can be studied in isolation in
21. 02:42 laboratories the context in which we are embedded for example the social context is secondary what matters are internal processes
22. 02:54 this is where psychology started to become delusional or divorced from reality
23. 03:00 if i had to diagnose current psychology i would say that it has an impaired reality testing and why would i say that because there’s no such thing as individual
24. 03:11 probably there’s no such thing as a self definitely there’s no such thing
25. 03:17 as a personality all these concepts are very misleading
26. 03:23 we are formed we become in a process
27. 03:29 which is lifelong as ericsson had noted and this process
28. 03:36 involves other people all the time we are relational outcomes
29. 03:43 we emerge we coalesce through interactions with other people we are
30. 03:54 the sum total of our object relations starting with mummy and ending in the grave
31. 04:02 as we go through life as we find ourselves enmeshed with other people
32. 04:09 we love we hate we fight we withdraw yes withdrawal is also a form of reaction to
33. 04:16 people as we interact socially even if we are schizoids even if we are avoidant we
34. 04:22 still interact we are still forced to interact socially this all these
35. 04:29 all these environments phenomena other people they form us they shape us
36. 04:37 they make us who we are now this observation is not new of course it has been proposed by various
37. 04:44 object relation theories in the 1960s but since then
38. 04:50 psychology had taken an experimental turn psychologists when they grow up want to
39. 04:57 be scientists it’s a form of vanity it’s a form of grandiosity
40. 05:03 psychologists are not happy with being psychologists they want to be physicists they want to belong to medicine they
41. 05:10 want to be to become a part of the sciences and so what psychologists have done in the past several decades is that they began to place emphasis on
42. 05:21 laboratory experiments on studying animals as proxies for people etc etc
43. 05:28 this was a very wrong turn and so we ended up with a psychology that speaks very little to our common experiences we had become alienated from psychology
44. 05:40 estranged from psychology we feel as as if psychology has nothing to offer us and you know what the truth is that psychology has very little to offer us which is why people gravitate to con
45. 05:52 artists cultures and other forms of low life so it all started with this error with this primordial sin of the unitary self
46. 06:10 gradually over the past few decades there have been rebel movements for example the internal family system and others and these rebels intellectuals high-powered intellectuals and scholars suggested another concept a substitute
47. 06:27 for the unitary self it’s a form of operating system internal operating system a cpu and this internal operating system
48. 06:39 determines which of several self-state emerges at any given time
49. 06:46 let’s revert let’s go back one step the new approach in psychology these new
50. 06:52 schools or relatively new schools suggest that we actually don’t have a self
51. 06:59 what we have instead is a family a congregation a parish a group a collective of sub personalities
52. 07:10 self states or what i call pseudo identities now these self-states are indeed like a family in the sense that there are internal dynamics between
53. 07:22 between them they also share a lot of information with each other so they are only
54. 07:29 partially dissociative the dissociation wall is permeable
55. 07:36 what oneself states what one self-state learns the others share mostly not entirely but
56. 07:44 mostly so there is a common database of experiences which
57. 07:50 renders identity cohesive coherent and continuous we have these multiple sub states they inhabit an internal space
58. 08:01 this internal space is a shared database of common memories these common memories give rise to a
59. 08:08 fluid but stable identity core and this identity core in turn
60. 08:16 arranges the memories in meaningful ways identity core serves as an organizing
61. 08:22 principle an explanatory principle and there’s an operating system there’s an overriding guiding principle so to speak which determines
62. 08:33 which of the self-states emerges at any given point
63. 08:39 and how he how does this determination take place how does the operating system decide
64. 08:46 which cell state emerges at any given minute it evaluates internal and external
65. 08:53 information now this information is generated generated and provided by
66. 08:59 internal and external environments so the the operating system monitors
67. 09:05 environments external environments and internal environments all the time and then it renders its verdict it makes
68. 09:13 a decision right now self-state number three the psychopathic sub-state should emerge
69. 09:21 right now surf state number one the narcissistic sub-state should take over and right now sub-state number seven the
70. 09:28 co-dependence of state the dependence of state should kind of pervade the personality
71. 09:36 so self-states alternate sometimes dizzyingly and kaleidoscopically alternate
72. 09:43 among each other now in the majority of cases there are stable self-states which
73. 09:49 persist for weeks months years sometimes decades but when people are mentally ill for
74. 09:56 example in borderline personality disorder in narcissistic personality disorder the cell states change very
75. 10:03 often and they change among themselves they take over they hand the baton they hand
76. 10:10 um the in a relay kind of they do this because the internal and external stimuli the internal and external information
77. 10:22 usually overwhelms overwhelms the mentally ill person and
78. 10:29 creates dysregulation to cope with the threat of this regulation the operating system trots out pushes out another substate which is better
79. 10:40 capable and better able to cope with this regulation so for example when the borderline is faced
80. 10:47 with a threat of humiliation and abandonment and rejection this threat
81. 10:53 real or imaginary overwhelms her she becomes dysregulated
82. 10:59 the operating system of the borderline becomes alarmed the operating system notices that the borderline is about to decompensate and disintegrate then and there
83. 11:12 so the operating system hurries and replaces the borderline surf state
84. 11:19 with a secondary psychopathic substate the secondary psychopathic substrate is
85. 11:25 better capable of handling rejection humiliation and abandonment even though
86. 11:31 it has its own drawbacks for example it’s defined and reckless so this is how things work this is how things operate within what used to be called the
87. 11:43 personality and i prefer to call the ego system not the echo not the eco system
88. 11:49 but the ego system or if you wish the personality space and what determines of course
89. 11:56 which self-state will be selected by the operating system is self-efficacy
90. 12:02 self-efficacy is the overriding constraint which the system seeks to
91. 12:08 optimize when hailing forth these sub personalities or pseudo identities
92. 12:14 operating system wants you to be self efficacious in other words it wants you
93. 12:20 to secure favorable outcomes from your external environment taking into account your
94. 12:27 internal environment internal processes and dynamics which are operating in you at any given moment
95. 12:34 so now we move into what i call system of residuals it’s time to introduce myself
96. 12:41 my name is salvaknin and i’m the author of malignant self-love narcissism revisited i’m also a professor of
97. 12:49 psychology this was the general introduction to
98. 12:55 self-state systems which i believe and many other scholars believe is the regular normal state of
99. 13:02 things everyone has a system of self-states not only mentally ill people but people with mental health problems use the system much more
100. 13:14 they deploy the system much more often they exchange self states they
101. 13:20 transition or switch between sub states much more frequently because they are
102. 13:26 dysregulated and overwhelmed by external and internal stimuli when all the relevant or available
103. 13:33 self-states at the disposal of the system are equally self-efficacious
104. 13:40 what does the system do and what about the obverse condition what about the situation where all the cell states available to the system at the disposal
105. 13:52 of the system all these cell states are equally inept
106. 13:58 equally incompetent equally lacking in self-efficacy equally unable to operate on the external environment and to guarantee to operate on and in the external environment and with the external environment to guarantee favorable
107. 14:14 outcomes what happens when all these self-states are losers
108. 14:20 when they are not built incapable of functioning when they are
109. 14:26 dysfunctional in this case the system may opt may decide
110. 14:32 to maintain two or more self-states in operation simultaneously it’s kind it’s a kind of hedging
111. 14:43 it’s a kind of insurance imagine the system as this
112. 14:49 old matriarchal figure a matron a mother the system says to himself i can’t really use self-state number three
113. 15:00 i should have used self-state number three the circumstances had changed the external environment is menacing and
114. 15:07 threatening there is dysregulation uh in the internal environment so i should have used state number three but self-service state number three is good for nothing it’s a loser it’s not efficacious so i can’t use state so state number three on the other
115. 15:25 hand the nearest substitute sub state number 7 is equally hopeless equally incompetent
116. 15:31 so i can’t use substate number 7 as well what am i to do
117. 15:37 poor me poor operating system so let me use substate number three and substrate
118. 15:44 number seven together now they may compensate for each other’s
119. 15:51 shortcomings this is a kind of insurance or hedging if i use multiple sub states
120. 15:59 then maybe the favorable outcome the desired result will ultimately be obtained however imperfectly so
121. 16:10 the operating system on rare occasions may decide to use may select
122. 16:17 two sub-states three sub-states and keep them up front
123. 16:24 public facing simultaneously in this case we have what i call a state
124. 16:31 of residuals state of residuals is a mental state
125. 16:37 where two or more self-states pseudo-identities or sub-personalities
126. 16:44 are in charge it’s like a ship with two captains and so you know in uh in ancient rome
127. 16:56 there were constellations of two or three scissors governing simultaneously the triumvirate
128. 17:03 and so on so it’s the same two or two or three or four sub-states
129. 17:10 in charge simultaneously and this ineluctably leads
130. 17:16 to dissonance and to internalized aggression because most self-states
131. 17:22 are mutually exclusionary in other words substrate number seven has very little
132. 17:28 in common with solid state number three and when both of them are in charge they’re likely to clash and confront
133. 17:35 exactly like two incompatible people in a couple they’re likely to fight all the time
134. 17:41 they’re likely to generate a lot of internalized aggression and they’re likely to lead the person into a state
135. 17:47 known as dissonance now i’ve described in previous in
136. 17:53 previous videos and in lectures i had given for example the lecture i had given in mcgill at mcgill university in
137. 17:59 canada i describe my model of personality personality disorders i’m sorry and i
138. 18:06 had suggested that people can transition between personality disorders
139. 18:12 via what i call a collapsed bridge or a collapsed state
140. 18:18 but the system of residuals is an adaptation and enhancement of my
141. 18:25 original concept what i’m now suggesting is that people transition between personality disorders and between subtypes of personality disorders for example between overt
142. 18:37 narcissism and covert narcissism between overt borderline and covert borderline so people transition between subtypes of personality disorders and even between personality
143. 18:49 disorders via a bridge a collapsed bridge when they collapse
144. 18:56 with the original personality disorder no longer guarantees favorable outcomes people switch to
145. 19:03 another personality disorder or some type of personality disorder i am now suggesting that sometimes on rare occasions
146. 19:14 when people try to affect this transition when people try to cross the collapsed
147. 19:20 bridge from one personality disorder to another from one subtype of personality disorder
148. 19:27 to another when they try to cross the bridge they get stuck in the middle
149. 19:33 they’re unable to complete the transition at that point a collapse narcissist for example
150. 19:41 may evolve into a binary system of two residual cell states
151. 19:48 an overt narcissist and a covert narcissist so we have for example an overt
152. 19:54 narcissist the overt narcissist collapses is unable to secure
153. 20:01 narcissistic supply at that point of collapse many overt narcissists transition to
154. 20:08 covert narcissists they become covert they cross the bridge of collapse
155. 20:14 the overt narcissist crosses the bridge of collapse into a covert state
156. 20:20 the system the operating system takes care of that it
157. 20:26 hides suppresses represses deactivates disables switches off one self-state which is the overt narcissistic self-state
158. 20:37 and it activates switches on another sub state which is the covert narcissistic
159. 20:43 substrate having completed this transition successfully the overt narcissist
160. 20:50 becomes a full-fledged covert narcissist as a covert narcissist he has a chance to succeed as an overt narcissist he had collapsed
161. 21:01 but what happens when the overt narcissist tries to cross the bridge of collapse
162. 21:08 and fails to cross the bridge of collapse between because both the overt narcissistic substrate and the covert
163. 21:15 narcissistic sub state are equally and in efficacious the equally incompetent
164. 21:22 the equally inefficient in other words what do we what happens when we have a narcissist who collapses both as a or as an overt narcissist
165. 21:33 and as a covert narcissist someone who cannot function
166. 21:39 as an overt narcissist but equally cannot function as a covert narcissist someone who fails to secure favorable outcomes is an overt narcissist
167. 21:50 but then goes on to discover that he is equally equally an equal failure is a covert narcissist so he’s a failure in overhypnosis but
168. 22:03 then he’s a failure as a covert narcissist in this case the transition from overt to covert will
169. 22:10 never be completed the person the narcissist who is trying to transform himself from overt to covert the operating system of this narcissist
170. 22:22 will determine that such a transition is dangerous because the covert narcissistic state
171. 22:28 is as self inefficacious as the overt state the covert state is as likely to
172. 22:35 collapse as the overt state had collapsed the covert state is as likely to create
173. 22:42 despair depression self-hatred self-loathing and self-destruction as the overt state had done so there’s no point to fully transition
174. 22:53 between overt and covert the same negative outcomes are guaranteed and negative
175. 23:00 effectivity so what to do in this case well the answer
176. 23:06 of the operating system is we maintain both both conditions
177. 23:12 we maintain the overt narcissism and we maintain the covert narcissism simultaneously
178. 23:18 the operating system creates a binary system of two residual cell states an overt
179. 23:26 narcissist and a covert narcissist in the same body at the same time
180. 23:33 both conditions the overt narcissism and the covert narcissism both cell states
181. 23:39 are equally inapt and incompetent at securing narcissistic supply from
182. 23:45 outside sources but the operating system hopes that putting together the overt and the
183. 23:52 covert can miraculously somehow create a third entity so to speak which
184. 23:59 may be better able however residually better able to obtain supply again it’s a kind of insurance kind of hedging let’s take the good aspects of the overt nazis and the good aspects of
185. 24:12 the covert narcissist combine them together in a binary state and hope for the best
186. 24:19 such a constellation is geared to generate self-supply
187. 24:26 it does it in two very surprising ways the overt
188. 24:32 self-state is by definition superior to the covert substate now you
189. 24:40 remember in this particular case there has been a collapse of the overt state normally they would have been a transition from covert state from overt state to covert stake there’s been a collapse of the overt
190. 24:56 state and there would have been a transition from overt state to covert state via the
191. 25:02 bridge of collapse normally but in this particular case both the overt state and the covert state are hopeless they’re losers they’re incompetent inapt unable to
192. 25:14 obtain supply so the operating system keeps both of them in operation maintains both of them doesn’t switch
193. 25:21 off any single one of them but still the overt narcissist
194. 25:27 is what the covert narcissist wants to be when he grows up the covert analysis envies the overt
195. 25:34 narcissist the overt narcissist holds the covert processes in contempt
196. 25:40 the dynamic between these two sub-states is very negative the overt self-state superiority
197. 25:48 to the covert state leads the overt state to reject the covert self-state
198. 25:56 i repeat the overt state in this binary system holds the covert stating contempt and rejects the covert state
199. 26:07 the overt the overt state regards the covered state
200. 26:13 as a good for nothing loser as a nobody is an old entity as a failure
201. 26:19 the covert state on the other hand envies the overt state sabotages the overt state
202. 26:26 undermines the overt state hates the overt state there’s no love lost between the overt and the covert state
203. 26:35 the covert state fantasizes about being and becoming an overt state
204. 26:42 and the overt state wants to eliminate the covert state because the overt state finds the covert
205. 26:49 state embarrassing shameful disgraceful in other words a form of
206. 26:55 constant narcissistic injury and even mortification internal motivation
207. 27:01 so there’s a war the minute the operating system had opted to not do anything
208. 27:08 to not switch off any sub-state to allow several states of states to
209. 27:14 reign supreme simultaneously at that moment the operating system had created a state
210. 27:20 of dissonance which is so extreme that it can only be described as internal conflict
211. 27:27 a war the overt state’s aggression towards the covert
212. 27:33 is recycled by the covert now remember aggression is a form of energy
213. 27:39 and there’s a law of conservation of energy there’s a law of conservation of aggression
214. 27:46 if one sub state is aggressive towards another substate this aggression simply passes hands
215. 27:54 the overt state hands over aggression to the covert state transfers aggression to the covert state
216. 28:02 when the overt state maligns humiliates berates demeans and degrades
217. 28:10 the covert state the overt state is being aggressive to the covert state and this aggression is transferred from the overt state to the covered state now what can the covert state do with this aggression he has to
218. 28:23 do something with it as again it’s a form of energy think of it as a battery now the covert states battery is charged with aggression courtesy the overt state what to do with it the covert recycles the operation
219. 28:40 the covert recycles the aggression in two ways first of all the covert develops
220. 28:46 depression depression is a form of self-directed aggression it’s a form of using up the
221. 28:53 aggression in self-destructive self-defeating ways the aggression is used up as if in hopelessness the aggression is used up
222. 29:05 via self-loathing and the aggression is used up via reckless dangerous acts which reflect
223. 29:13 self-destructiveness and dynamics of self-defeat this is one way the covert uses the
224. 29:20 aggression of the overt the covert leverages this aggression to
225. 29:26 create a state of state of depression which again is self-directed aggression the second way the covert incorporates the aggression into sadistic fantasies you remember
226. 29:39 that the covert’s main state of mind is fantasy the covert uses a fantasy
227. 29:45 defense to survive because the covert the covert in itself is unable to obtain
228. 29:51 supply the covert fantasizes about obtaining supply that’s true for any covert
229. 29:57 narcissist by the way covert narcissism is an extreme fantasy defense even more extreme than overt narcissism both
230. 30:05 conditions involve grandiose fantasies so but the converts fantasies
231. 30:12 is distinct from the overt fantasies the coverts fantasies often involve aggression aggression violence sadism the humiliation of others
232. 30:24 the humiliation of others and worse so the overt state
233. 30:30 is aggressive towards the covert state they are both coterminous they’re both they both inhabit the body
234. 30:36 at the same time one of them should should have been switched off but the operating system
235. 30:43 preferred to keep both of them operational and on so they fight they hate each other the
236. 30:50 overt state is attacking the covert state this attack is a transfer of aggression
237. 30:56 transfer of energy the covert state takes this energy takes this aggression and recycles it
238. 31:02 one way by generating depression which is self-directed aggression in another way
239. 31:08 by engaging in sadistic fantasies which is other directed aggression in other
240. 31:14 words the covert internalizes the some of the aggression and externalizes some
241. 31:20 of the aggression but this externalization is fantastic it’s not in real life it’s only in his
242. 31:27 fantasies the overt and the covert states actually collude
243. 31:33 in creating what we call a sublimatory channel again one step back sublimation is the socially acceptable expression
244. 31:45 of urges primitive urges and drives for example the sex drive so a sublimatory channel is a very fancy way of saying a socially acceptable way
245. 31:57 of expressing primitive drives and urges so if i have a sex drive
246. 32:03 or an urge to have sex i would convert it into a socially acceptable way i would sublimate it and
247. 32:10 i would use a sublimatory channel if i have aggression which is also
248. 32:16 socially unacceptable i would try to transform the aggression into into us into socially acceptable
249. 32:24 things socially acceptable behaviors as i convert my aggression into socially acceptable behavior i am sublimating it using sublimatory
250. 32:35 channels in the binary system when the overt and the covert coexist
251. 32:41 core control core rain are both in charge they collude they’re collaborating in
252. 32:48 creating a sublimatory channel for the pent-up rage
253. 32:54 envy and resentment that the collapse had created when the narcissist collapses
254. 33:01 it’s a very very harrowing and traumatic experience it may lead to mortification
255. 33:09 modification i have numerous videos on notification in this channel and i recommend that you watch them but what motivation dies does it disables the grandiose defenses it
256. 33:21 disables the false self in effect it leaves the narcissist defenseless skinless technically a borderline
257. 33:29 it transitions analysis into a borderline state so any collapse
258. 33:35 generates a lot of rage disappointment dysphoria resentment envy
259. 33:43 and other negative effects this is a volcano this is an eruption of negativity
260. 33:50 the experiences it as a form of disintegration in extreme cases or minimally as an extreme narcissistic injury and so what to do with all this energy
261. 34:03 the convert and the overt and the covert collaborate the overt takes this energy and directs it to the convert so the collapse had created negative energy
262. 34:14 the overt narcissist takes this negative energy encapsulates it packages it and hands it
263. 34:21 over to the covert it attacks the covert state it loads the covered state it maligns
264. 34:29 and humiliates the covert state it rejects the covered state it berates and beneath and demeans and criticizes the covert state this way the overt state
265. 34:41 hands over the negative energy of the collapse to the covert state
266. 34:47 the covert state is better equipped to deal with aggression convert state had been
267. 34:53 dealing with aggression throughout his life so the covert state is in charge
268. 34:59 of aggression sublimating aggression repackaging aggression recycling aggression
269. 35:05 transforming aggression aggression is the convergence thing the overt narcissist is very primitive
270. 35:11 when it comes to aggression he becomes psychopathic defined reckless confirmations the
271. 35:18 covert narcissist is much more subtle so the covert state uses the aggression
272. 35:24 transforms it into depression and into sadistic fantasies both of these are socially acceptable society accepts a state of depression
273. 35:37 society accepts fantasy as long as it is not translated into action so the covert acts in a sublimatory way the covert transforms the covert state
274. 35:50 self-state transforms the aggression into socially acceptable behaviors and
275. 35:56 means when aggression is channeled via grandiosity
276. 36:02 it can resolve into one or more speech acts so when the covert
277. 36:09 takes the aggression and channels it redistributes it recycles it transforms
278. 36:17 it repackages it the covert generates four types of voice internal voice kind of introject bodyless introduction
279. 36:30 the coverts internal monologue or internal dialogue is comprised of four
280. 36:36 strands four streams of consciousness four types of speech acts
281. 36:43 first judgmental contemptuous i’m superior i’m unequaled i’m the best
282. 36:50 and the first and the most this judgmental contemptuous voice
283. 36:56 helps the overt express his negative energy his aggression
284. 37:02 via the covert so it is a kind of courtesy courtesy channel
285. 37:08 provided by the covert to the overt it’s like the covert is telling the overt
286. 37:14 listen you are really a wacko you’re crazy you’re dangerous so here i’m i’m giving
287. 37:20 you an outlet i’m giving you a way to express your aggression please use it be judgmental be contemptuous to to
288. 37:28 other people or to me so the covert the correct state the converts of state allows the overts of
289. 37:34 state to abuse it it encourages internal abuse
290. 37:41 within the system within the binary system the overt abuses the covert
291. 37:47 and the covert allows it to happen because this is the only way to safely release the negative
292. 37:54 aggressive potentially violent energy of the overt having had collapse collapse generates this nuclear grade energy and the judgmental contemptuous channel allows the overt to vent to offload
293. 38:12 the second channel is the victorious channel i’m unique for better or worse for
294. 38:18 better or worse i could be unique as a loser can be unique as a failure to be unique as a victim even then i’m unique
295. 38:26 the victorious voice is i’m more than you i’m unique you’re not and so the
296. 38:33 victorious channel is a channel which is used both by the overt and the covert
297. 38:39 both the overt and the covert don’t forget a grandiose both of earth narcissism and covert narcissism are founded on grandiose fantasy that both fantasy
298. 38:50 defenses the only difference is the convert does not succeed to translate fantasy into
299. 38:56 reality while the overt is much more self-efficacious in obtaining supply but they’re both victorious they’re both grandiose so this is a mutual channel a shared channel
300. 39:08 we have one sublimatory channel dedicated to the overt judgmental contemptuous channel
301. 39:14 we have a second second channel which is a victorious channel which is a shared channel
302. 39:20 the third channel is a merciful empathic channel the merciful empathic channel
303. 39:27 again given to the overt it’s usually an exclusively overt channel
304. 39:34 but sometimes it is shared it is a channel that says i pity people
305. 39:40 because they are inferior to me i have compassion for people i act charitably but i do it
306. 39:48 ostentatiously so that i can garner narcissistic supply praise for example
307. 39:54 the narcissist is merciful empathic and forgiving because being merciful empathic and forgiving renders him pro-social and
308. 40:05 communal and allows him to garner supply in a way the narcissist is saying look
309. 40:11 at me i conform to social expectations don’t i deserve praise for this
310. 40:17 don’t i deserve narcissistic supply so the merciful empathic channel is more common more typical of the overt but can be used by both and finally the last channel
311. 40:29 is the educational channel which can also is also a shared channel we have three shared channels and one channel
312. 40:35 dedicated to the overt because it is the overt who had undergone the collapse it’s the
313. 40:41 overt who needs a specialized channel the self-state the overt self-state
314. 40:47 still harbors and reflects the wounds of the collapse it’s still a traumatized post-traumatic state it’s still a wounded state an injured state so the first sublimatory channel judgmental contemptuous is dedicated to the overt state but the other three are shared
315. 41:05 between the two cell states in control the overt and the covert the last channel is my favorite
316. 41:12 and also the most functional by far is the educational cha it says i’m a
317. 41:18 guru i’m an intellectual i’m a thought leader i elevate other elevate other people to my level by teaching them
318. 41:26 the educational sublimatory channel or educational voice has three pillars
319. 41:32 one learning versus ignorance the educational channel or educational voice
320. 41:40 encourages the overt narcissist and the covert narcissist to adopt a position of
321. 41:46 learning and teaching so sometimes they learn sometimes they
322. 41:52 teach in order to learn these sub-states have to acknowledge ignorance you know in other words they have to acknowledge inferiority but this is very misleading because
323. 42:03 learning makes you better learning makes you more learning something makes you superior
324. 42:10 adding knowledge and irritation and information makes you prevail
325. 42:16 so learning even though it includes implicitly is founded implicitly on an admission of
326. 42:24 ignorance learning is a process of becoming superior teaching
327. 42:30 is about being superior so when you teach you are superior when
328. 42:36 you learn you’re becoming superior in other words learning and teaching fully satisfy
329. 42:42 gradiosity and so the educational channel is the most sublimatory of all the
330. 42:49 educational voice is the most socially acceptable of all the four voices
331. 42:55 because it involves socially commendable socially encouraged activities such as
332. 43:01 learning and teaching and because it allows the covert and the overt states
333. 43:07 to acknowledge ignorance in other words to humble themselves they experience humility even though it’s fleeting even though even though it’s humility at
334. 43:18 the service of superiority even though it’s humility that leads to added grandiosity it is still humility
335. 43:26 it’s a healing voice it’s a voice that causes transformation in the
336. 43:32 outlines in the features of the internal binary system it reduces
337. 43:38 grandiosity by converting it into socially acknowledged socially
338. 43:45 sanctioned superiority in other words the educational sublimatory channel the
339. 43:52 educational voice converts grandiosity into self-esteem
340. 43:58 renders narcissistic supply which is pathological into healthy supply
341. 44:05 or self-supply which is the foundation of self-esteem
342. 44:11 it converts graduality to self-esteem now in a binary system because there has
343. 44:18 been a collapse and because both sub-states are in efficacious in obtaining supply the binary system is always a system of
344. 44:29 self-supply so this is a very important thing to understand
345. 44:36 the binary system is created when the with the residual system the binary
346. 44:42 system is created when the operating system decides that both the overt state and the covert
347. 44:48 state are equally in efficacious in obtaining supply so now they can’t obtain supply the
348. 44:54 overt state had failed had collapsed in obtaining supply and the covert state
349. 45:01 is incapable of obtaining supply so now we have a binary system with two sub-states both of them very bad at obtaining supply so instead what they do
350. 45:12 they create a system of self-supply i have a video about self-supply in this channel the creator says system of
351. 45:19 self-supply the overt self-state generates supply
352. 45:25 by humiliating and berating and attacking the covert self-state it endows the overt state with a sense of superiority so
353. 45:36 the self-supply in this system is actually an outcome
354. 45:42 of the conflict and the dissonance the overt the overt need for supply is satisfied
355. 45:49 the covert state generates self-supply via the fantasy
356. 45:55 defense so the overt state feels superior feels on top feels gratified feels grandiose
357. 46:06 because the overt state has a covert state which it can humiliate berate
358. 46:12 attack demean criticize etc it’s a kind of sadistic self-supply
359. 46:18 it’s kind of inner critic rick large sadistic inner critic harsh inner critic
360. 46:24 so the overt state converts itself into a harsh inner critic and derives supply
361. 46:32 from what it does to the covert state the covert state derives supply self-supply by engaging in sadistic fantasies and it is sadistic fantasies the covered state
362. 46:43 prevails is victorious wins what’s on top humiliates other people tortures
363. 46:49 them and we have self-state in two locations
364. 46:56 one location is overt by humiliating the covert state and one location is covert by engaging in sadistic fantasies and so the educational voice gradually converts the grandiosity underlying these mechanisms
365. 47:12 into self-esteem [Music] and it accomplishes that
366. 47:18 by engaging in activities which are socially commendable and acceptable so that the
367. 47:24 resulting supply is very healthy and can garner and yield self-esteem
368. 47:32 rather than grandiosity the educational education sublimitory channel is also founded on honest communication and on empathy in order to teach someone in order to learn
369. 47:48 you must engage in open communication in honest direct communication otherwise not really learning and teaching you take place additionally you need to put yourself in another in the student’s shoes
370. 47:59 in order to teach you need to understand the needs and wishes and deficiencies of the other
371. 48:06 when you teach someone you impart knowledge in ways which are favorable which are helpful to the
372. 48:13 recipient so you need to get to know the recipient similarly when you seek to learn
373. 48:19 something you need to realize what the other person has to offer in both these situations you need to empathize so the educational voice
374. 48:30 the educational sublimatory channel encourages humility healthy supply self-esteem honest communication and empathy
375. 48:42 it’s the beginning of healing the binary system is a unique opportunity for healing
376. 48:49 because no single self-state is in charge not one cell state is in control the resistance is low the resistance to resistance to insight the resistance to change is lower than
377. 49:02 usual and because there’s a lot of dissonance and conflict in the binary system because the overts of stake is attacking the covert so state in order to generate cell supply
378. 49:13 and because the converts of state is engages or retreats or disappears or vanishes or withdraws into a state of
379. 49:20 fantasy so the converts of state is now totally a fantastic state
380. 49:27 and derives a self-supply from the fantasy both these sub-states become vulnerable
381. 49:34 and they are vulnerable not only to attack from the outside which would yield to modification
382. 49:41 they’re vulnerable to change they’re vulnerable to healing so
383. 49:47 one thought one direction is maybe to induce
384. 49:54 artificially in therapy to induce a binary system to induce this synchronicity
385. 50:05 of two cell states rather than one maybe in some ways we can engineer the
386. 50:11 collapse so as to generate to create
387. 50:17 to force the operating system to create a binary residual system
388. 50:24 where two self-states reign supreme at the same time and engage in conflict in order to generate
389. 50:31 self-supply rendering them vulnerable to intervention from the outside in many ways
390. 50:37 that is what i had been doing in cold therapy intuitively by re-traumatizing the patient i had
391. 50:44 created or had induced collapse actually modification and some patients were unable to replace the self states the the cell state that had been traumatized the cell state that had been subjected
392. 51:00 to cold therapy the self state that had been modified they some patients were unable to
393. 51:06 replace this so state with another substate so they remain stuck with two or three
394. 51:13 or four substates simultaneously which allowed me in level two and level three of cold
395. 51:19 therapy to integrate these soft states via the educational sublimatory channel
396. 51:27 to provide these sub states with a socially acceptable alternative a sublimatory alternative to encourage these self-states not to be judgmental
397. 51:38 not to be contemptuous not to be victorious but to engage in learning and to engage
398. 51:44 in teaching via empathy and via honest communication
399. 51:51 i’ve done it and it’s doable but we need to render the narcissist
400. 51:58 vulnerable open we need to render the analysis humble
401. 52:04 humbled by its own turmoil inner turmoil by its own indecision
402. 52:11 by the dissonance between the two self-states that had remained the residual
403. 52:17 only then the narcissist is weak enough his defenses are down enough his
404. 52:23 firewall is disabled you’re able to enter as a therapist and create some change