Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. How To Recognize Covert/Collapsed Personality Disorders

1. 00:06 are we on oh my god wait a minute i don’t believe in god okay let’s get it straight my name is minivachnin and i’m the author of sam buckney i think i got that one wrong let’s try again my name is sam wagner and i’m the author of malignant self-love narcissism meaning revisited
2. 00:38 and a host of other books and ebooks about personality disorders and other topics i’m also a professor of psychology and you’re lucky not to be my students trust you me today we are going to [Music] make some order finally um in science we have something called ocom’s razor
3. 01:04 it’s also known as the law of parsimony if there is a proliferation of theoretical entities there’s a proliferation too many preponderance of symbols hypotheses assumptions labels diagnosis and so on something is wrong nature is simple nature
4. 01:25 is aesthetic nature works with a minimal number of variables to produce the maximum number or phenomena so here we are with covert npd covert hpd covert borderline collapse narcissists collapse borderline who wants to be a narcissist collapse narcissist who wants to be
5. 01:46 antisocial collapse antisocial who wants to be jordan peterson something is wrong something is wrong because there are too many entities and we need to reduce them to the minimum number actually this is not my first attempt at doing this i tried it 25 years ago for the first time
6. 02:09 at that time i suggested that all cluster b personality disorders are actually a single phenomenon a single clinical entity and then i expanded and i said that most mental health problems emanate from disturbances in narcissism and in the constellation and formation of the self
7. 02:34 at that time there was there wasn’t much evidence um to support this and people were busy i mean scholars and psychologists were busy making lists it was a primitive stage of diagnostic psychology diagnostic clinical psychology it was similar to the
8. 02:54 18th century in botany when when someone like calgus linus was walking the fields and cataloging plants so psychologists were doing the same they were making lists and then they put all the lists together and they called it the diagnostic and
9. 03:10 statistical manual which was nothing but a compilation of lists of criteria each criterion corresponding to a symptom but these were still this they were dead they were inert what was missing was the motion the life the dynamics people are not dead they’re not inert
10. 03:32 even mentally ill people are not dead vast majority of them so there are things going on inside them their dynamics their processes and these of course were not captured by the dsm’s categorical lists another problem the dsm had it was polythetic
11. 03:50 in other words two people with the same diagnosis could share very little in common and so the diagnostic and statistical manual edition 5 published in 2013 tried to cope with this by becoming a bit more dimensional a bit more descriptive a bit more dynamic
12. 04:08 and by introducing and proposing alternate models alternative models diagnostic models for at least a few personality disorders such as narcissistic and borderline but it’s a far cry from what i’m i will be talking about today very far cry what i want to propose
13. 04:27 is that all personality disorders and actually the majority of mental health disorders have to do with a confusion between external and internal objects when people confuse internal objects with external objects there’s mental illness now internal objects can be for example
14. 04:48 voices of your parents or role models or peers or teachers or caregivers grandpa grandma these voices were internalized and became your voices they talk to you from time to time these are called introjects your conscience is an example of an amalgamation of these voices your
15. 05:09 super ego as freud put it other constructs they are internal for example we keep talking about the true self in narcissism that’s an internal construct so within the within the apartment within the the house that is your mind that is your soul i would have said sold
16. 05:28 it i believe in your soul but your mind within this space there are many pieces of furniture some of them are mobile and active and reactive some of them are just there inert they provide the background and the scenery and these are internal objects and then
17. 05:45 there’s of course external objects for example i am an external object believe it or not i know most of you have internalized me already and i appear in your nightmares but i’m still an external object and so when people confuse internal and external objects
18. 06:00 there’s mental illness let’s take two examples psychosis and narcissism in psychosis the psychotic the person with psychotic disorder confuses considers his internal objects to be external he hears voices these voices are actually internal voices but he perceives them
19. 06:22 as coming from the outside he sees things he’s hallucinating and these images this external imagery he perceives it as external actually comes from the inside these are figments of his own imagination and memories so this is psychosis when the internal becomes external
20. 06:42 narcissism is exactly the opposite it’s when the external becomes internal the narcissist does not recognize the autonomous independent existence of other people he immediately takes a snapshot he internalizes them as inner representations he converts other people in his life
21. 07:04 especially if they are significant for example sources of narcissistic supply he converts them into internal objects that he can then manipulate and control safely without the risk of abandonment and pain hurt so these are two examples diametrically opposed the narcissist
22. 07:25 internalizes external objects the psychotic externalizes internal objects and so if this is the case we can easily show if we use this as a unifying principle we can easily show that all personality disorders and a majority of mental health disorders are actually a clinical
23. 07:47 a single clinical entity let’s focus on cluster b that’s my expertise and that’s also the the topic the main topic of this channel all cluster b disorders the erratic or dramatic personality disorders narcissistic borderline histrionic and antisocial
24. 08:06 all of them could be easily described as a single personality disorder a single clinical entity with overlays so you would have a single personality disorder with a narcissistic overlay and then the same personality disorder but this time with a borderline overlay
25. 08:25 or antisocial overlay or histrionic overlay and even more people would transition between these overlays today you could be narcissistic but tomorrow you could definitely be borderline and the next day if you’re provoked if you’re under big stress if you
26. 08:44 anticipate abandonment if you’re anxious you could become a psychopath in other words patients with this single personality disorder would display all the traits and all the behaviors of all the overlays all of them and they would switch they would move
27. 09:06 between these overlays every narcissist is also to some extent antisocial as any spouse of a narcissist every borderline is psychopathic every every histrionic is psychopathic and narcissistic of course i mean these distinctions are artificial
28. 09:27 that but the artificial doesn’t bother me what bothers me they’re wrong and so every single overlay so you remember there’s a an underlying personality disorder and it has overlays and every single overlay in my theory has three states overt or classic
29. 09:46 collapsed and covert so every single one of these overlays narcissistic borderline psychopathic historic would have an overt state overt analysis a collapsed state collapse narcissist and a covert state covert narcissist each and every one of them
30. 10:05 and people would transition between these states there is no it’s not a type there’s no type constancy but every classic narcissist is sometimes covert and sometimes collapsed of course if he fails repeatedly to obtain supply he becomes collapsed so
31. 10:23 people transition between overt and collapse and convert and convert an invert and collapse and convert an overt and collapse and convert did i do it fast enough i can do it even faster i will show you in another video and so this transition is the outcome of two
32. 10:39 external stressors in other words patients or people with personality disorder this single personality disorder will transition between overlays and between the states in each overlay because of two reasons and these reasons are stressors they create anxiety and stress
33. 10:57 the first reason is what i call the gap in narcissism for example it would be the grandiosity gap it’s when the reality intrudes when reality challenges the narrative that underlies the overlay when reality doesn’t let you anymore use your defense mechanisms
34. 11:17 to fend it off to reframe it to rewrite it to regard it differently when it’s too much when it’s too strong when it overwhelms you reality could be external but it could be internal for example in the case of the borderline the reality would mostly be the borderline’s emotions
35. 11:37 she her emotions are dysregulated so they would take over her they would overwhelm them she would drown in her emotions so this is the gap and the second reason for these frequent transitions between states and overlays is narcissistic modification now everyone
36. 11:55 has narcissistic defenses and traits everyone has healthy narcissism narcissism is a universal human phenomenon it’s only when it goes out of whack when it’s exaggerated and caricatured when it’s imbued with cognitive deficits such as grandiosity only then do we talk
37. 12:13 about a disorder but otherwise everyone has narcissism so narcissistic mortification can happen to anyone anyone and everyone even a healthy person but if the person is not healthy if the person has this underlying personality disorder the mortification would deliver a blow a
38. 12:31 blunt force blow and would push him from one state to another from i don’t know collapse to covert from overt to collapsed and would also push him for one overlay to another modification can cause the narcissist to become borderline and the borderline to become a psychopath
39. 12:49 as we will discuss a bit later so today’s video what i want to do is i want to provide you with a map i want to provide you with checklists each and every this overlay and state we will discuss today has separate videos on this channel i dedicated separate videos to each and
40. 13:09 every one of these so please go to the search box it is signified by magnifying glass go to the search box on my youtube channel and type in type in it’s like when you use your finger to generate um letters on the screen it’s called typing it’s an old art form now long forgotten
41. 13:30 type in the keywords and lo and behold you will get an avalanche of relevant videos use this avalanche to your benefit click on the videos and watch them today is just a summary so a few things about the covert state remember there are three states
42. 13:51 overt classic uh collapsed and covert let’s dedicate a few words to the covert state the covert state the covert aspires to be overt the covert state is the state of aspiration the wish to become classic or overt the covert narcissist wants to become
43. 14:17 classic narcissist the covert narcissist when he grows up he wants to emulate his role model and his role model is donald trump the grandiose overt classic in your face my way or the highway take it or leave it that’s the way it is baby uh grandiose narcissist
44. 14:41 so coverts aspire to be overt second point coverts are not self-efficacious they fail they are the result of failure remember overt collapse convert covert is the the inevitable outcome of collapse and collapse is a failure if you’re a narcissist
45. 15:06 the failure is to obtain narcissistic supply if you’re a psychopath the failure is to realize your goals if you are histrionic the failure is to sexually conquer someone or to tease someone if you are a borderline the failure is to ensure the continuous
46. 15:26 unmitigated uninterrupted presence of your intimate partner in a functioning relationship these are all failures and they create collapse and then once the collapse is in there’s a transition to a covert covert states convert state so there are always transitions always
47. 15:43 because reality is merciless absolutely merciless and pushes you out of your comfort zone repeatedly so this always transition from overt to covert back to overt back to convert backed over and these are always done via stage of collapse which follows a stage of multi gap and
48. 16:07 multiplication i hope you got the picture now let’s hone in zeroing on some of the types convert narcissist it’s there are like two million videos on covert masses and about half a video of this half of one video is accurate the rest you can safely hit the delete button
49. 16:32 covert narcissist has been first described by two scholars the late cooper he died three weeks ago and akhtar in 1989 and here’s what they had to say and what they had to say about covert narcissist is the only the only thing you should listen to the rest is rubbish
50. 16:54 especially online so they said the following the self-concept of the covert narcissist inferiority moroes self-doubts marked propensity toward feeling ashamed fragility relentless search for glory and power marked sensitivity to criticism and realistic setbacks
51. 17:16 what about the coverts interpersonal relationships inability to genuinely depend on others and trust them chronic envy of others talents possessions and capacity for deep object relations capacity to love lack of regard for generational boundaries disregard for other people’s time
52. 17:37 refusal to communicate passive aggression what about social adaptation nagging aimlessness shallow vocational commitment diligent like attitude multiple but superficial interests chronic boredom aesthetic taste that is ill-informed and imitative
53. 17:59 oh i don’t like this list the more i read it the more i think it’s me i hope minnie is not listening ethics standards and ideals the covert narcissist readiness to shift values to gain favor it’s not like the borderline by the way the borderline shifts values
54. 18:19 but she shifts values she changes her values from day to day literally because she doesn’t have an identity a coherent cohesive core identity she has something called identity disturbance or identity diffusion the covert narcissist shifts values because it’s expedient
55. 18:37 he wants to gain something in this sense he’s psychopathic pathological line materialistic lifestyle delinquent tendencies inordinate moral relativism irreverence towards authority contumaciousness what about love and sexuality perish the thought
56. 18:57 covert narcissist inability to remain in love impaired capacity for viewing the romantic partner as a separate individual with his or her own interests rights and values inability to genuinely comprehend the incest taboo occasional sexual perversions
57. 19:16 sounds delicious i must say cognitive style i’m off to find a covert narcissist after this video of the right sex cognitive style knowledge often limited to trivia it’s called headline intelligence by the way forgetful of details especially names
58. 19:35 impaired in the capacity for learning new skills tendency to change meanings of reality when facing a threat to self-esteem language and speaking used for regulating self-esteem that’s it that’s the covert narcissist that’s the only clinical definition
59. 19:53 that we teach in universities ignore and forget the heap of trash that passes for knowledge online what about the collapse narcissist i would like to talk a bit about the collapse narcissist and in much more detail that’s a topic that is much neglected
60. 20:12 even online let’s start with the with the psychological development background in childhood there was a famous psychoanalyst in the 40s and 50s her name was karen hornai brilliant absolutely brilliant by far my favorite psychologist of all time i keep reading her
61. 20:30 her i keep making a point of reading all the books once a decade and the time is coming now karen hornai horna is h-o-r-n-e-y karen hornai pointed out that the child is dehumanized and instrumentalized in abusive families his parents love him not for what he really is
62. 20:52 but for what they wish and imagined him to be the fulfillment of their dreams and frustrated wishes the child becomes the vessel of his parents discontented lives a tool a magic brush with which they can transform their failures into successes their humiliation into victory
63. 21:11 their frustrations into happiness the child is taught to ignore reality and to occupy the parental fantastic space i mockingly jokingly i usually say that it’s a family where the child is not put on a pedestal but the pedestal is put on the child
64. 21:29 such an unfortunate child i’m continuing feels omnipotent and omniscient perfect and brilliant worthy of adoration and entitled to special treatment the faculties that are honed by constantly brushing against bruising reality faculties like empathy compassion
65. 21:47 realistic assessment of one’s abilities and limitations realistic expectations of oneself of others personal boundaries teamwork social skills perseverance goal orientation not to mention the ability to postpone gratification delay gratification and to work hard
66. 22:04 to achieve things all these are the outcomes of brushing against reality of the friction of life they’re all lacking or missing in such a child and this kind of child peter pan puerto adolescent when he turns adult he sees no reason no reason to grow up
67. 22:22 no reason to invest in his skills and education he’s convinced that his inherent genius should suffice he is a wunderkind he feels entitled for merely being rather than for actually doing it reminds me of the nobility you know in the previous centuries
68. 22:40 uh they felt entitled not by virtue of any merit or accomplishment but as the inevitable foreordained outcome of some of the fact that they were born of their birthright so it’s like this this kind of children they belong to a new aristocracy a new nobility and we should all
69. 22:56 serve them in a kind of mental feudalism in other words the child is not very meritocratic but aristocratic why am i talking so much this is the epitome and quintessence of narcissism it’s a narcissist but such a mental structure is brittle fragile vulnerable
70. 23:19 susceptible to criticism and disagreement open to the incessant encounter with a harsh and intolerant world deep inside narcissists of both kinds the nonsenses that that were fashioned by classic abuse and narcissists yielded by being idolized
71. 23:39 you know both kinds of narcissists they feel inadequate they feel phony the imposter syndrome they feel fake inferior and deserving of punishment and this is where i beg to differ with milan milan makes a distinction between several types of narcissists and he
72. 23:57 wrongly in my view assumes that the classic narcissist is the outcome of overvaluation idolization spoiling and so he’s possessed of supreme unchallenged self-confidence and is devoid of any self-doubt according to milan it is a compensatory narcissist another
73. 24:14 type the false prey who falls prey to nagging self-doubts feelings of inferiority and a masochistic desire for self-punishment but this distinction is unnecessary because it’s wrong there is only one type of narcissist there are two developmental paths
74. 24:31 and two ways to express narcissism trump’s way of expressing narcissism is not the the way that for example someone who is more covert would do it but all narcissists are besieged by deeply ingrained though at times not conscious i will i will grant milan that
75. 24:50 deeply in great feelings of inadequacy fears of failure masochistic desires to be caught and penalized a fluctuating sense of self-worth regulated by narcissistic supply and have an overwhelming sensation of fakeness this one narcissist all muslims are hyper vigilant
76. 25:08 that’s why they react to even the most innocuous comment as though it was as though it were an attack or a slide they are very they become very aggressive if they think they’ve been offended the grandiosity gap between a fantastically grandiose
77. 25:23 and unlimited self-image and the actual limited accomplishments and achievements of the narcissist this grandiosity gap is grating its recurrence because it happens all the time threatens the precariously balanced house of cards that is a narcissistic personality
78. 25:40 the narcissist finds to his children that people out there are much less admiring much less accommodating much less accepting than his adulating parents as the narcissist grows old he often becomes the target of constant derision and mockery
79. 25:58 it’s a sorry sight indeed he’s a buffoon buffoon pompous full of himself full the nazis’s claims of superiority appear less plausible and substantial the more and the longer he makes them or insists on them pathological narcissism originally a defense mechanism
80. 26:17 intended to shield the narcissist from an injurious world becomes the main source of hurt it’s the narcissism that generates the injuries it’s counterproductive it’s dangerous overwhelmed by negative or absent narcissistic supply the narcissist is forced to let go of
81. 26:34 his narcissistic defenses and that’s when collapse happens the narcissist then has to compensate for the collapse and he does this by becoming covert so overt challenges by reality very painful very mortifying narcissistic injuries aplenty nazis cannot stand it anymore he falls
82. 26:58 apart he collapses he’s mortified and he becomes covert but the covert narcissistic phase is a delusional phase and there are variants of covert narcissism it’s not a single thing the narcissist resorts to self-delusion unable to completely ignore contrary and opinion and data the
83. 27:22 narcissist reframes them he transmutes them unable to face the dismal failure that he is the narcissist partially withdraws from reality to soothe and to solve the pain of disillusionment the narcissist administers to himself a mixture of lies distortions half-truths
84. 27:42 and outlandish interpretations of events around him and these these are the covert states now there are several types of covert narcissism depending on the delusional solution let’s start one by one first there is the delusional narrative solution it’s a delusional
85. 28:05 covert narcissism the narcissist constructs a narrative a story piece of fiction a confabulation in which he figures as a hero a protagonist in this newly invented piece of fiction or story he’s he’s brilliant he’s again brilliant perfect irresistibly handsome
86. 28:28 like me for example destined for great things entitled powerful wealthy center of attention etc the bigger the strain on this delusional charade the greater the gap between his fantasies and reality the more the delusion is entrenched coalesces and solidifies finally
87. 28:54 if it is sufficiently protracted the delusion replaces reality and the narcissist reality testing deteriorates he withdraws his bridges and may become schizotypal catatonic or schizoid the second type of solution is the antisocial solution and these are the anti-social covert
88. 29:13 narcissists we all know them they are covert they have pseudo-humility they have false modesty but they are passive aggressive and they are vicious malevolent and malicious the narcissist who adopts this solution to the grandiosity gap you remember what these solutions are
89. 29:32 they are attempts to reconcile painful reality with grandiose fantastic self-image there’s a gap reality doesn’t support the grandiose image so these are the solutions the solution is to become covert but you can become delusionally convert or as i’m about to explain
90. 29:51 psychopathically convert this kind of narcissist renounces reality to his mind those who fucinamously fail to recognize his unbound talents his innate superiority his overarching brilliance his benevolent nature entitlement his cosmically important mission his perfection
91. 30:12 the idiots the idiots the morons who can’t grasp his divinity they don’t deserve him they don’t deserve him and they don’t deserve consideration because they are less than human or as a german would say intervention oh i love germany no such language to express
92. 30:34 unbridled psychopathic narcissism sometimes i suspect they invented the mental condition anyhow the narcissist natural affinity with the criminal with the antisocial his lack of empathy lack of compassion deficient social skills disregard for social laws and mores and morales now
93. 30:58 when the grandiosity gap is big there’s a lot of stress and he chooses a covert solution now his psychopathy erupts and blossoms he becomes a full-fledged antisocial psychopath or if you want to use mediahype sociopath he ignores the wishes and needs of other
94. 31:18 people he breaks the law he violates everyone’s rights natural and legal he holds people in contempt and disdain he derides and decries society and its codes he’s vengeful he punishes the ignorant ingrates that to his mind drove him to this state by and and he
95. 31:37 would do anything to demolish them he acts criminally it jeopardizes safety lives and property in extreme cases he might become a mass shooter or a serial killer the third type of covert solution is the paranoid schizoid solution when narcissism fails as a defense mechanism
96. 31:57 the narcissist develops paranoid per secondary narratives self-directed confabulations which place the narcissist at the center of other people’s allegedly malign intention this is what most conspiracy theories do they usually choose this solution majority of conspiracy
97. 32:16 theories are collapsed covert narcissists who chose this solution the narcissist becomes his own own audience he is self-sufficient in some way has his own sometimes exclusive source of narcissistic supply this is called self-supply the narcissist develops per secondary
98. 32:36 delusions he perceives slides and insults where none were intended hypervigilance he becomes subject to referential ideation ideas of reference he he thinks that people are gossiping about it mocking him behind his back prying into his affairs cracking his email
99. 32:54 i don’t know analyzing and dissecting everything he does or doesn’t he’s convinced that he is the center of malign and well-intentioned attention people are conspiring to humiliate him punish him absconded his property delude him cheat with his wife
100. 33:09 impoverish him confine him physically or intellectually censor him impose on his time force him to action prevent him from action frighten him coerce him surround and beseech him change his mind part with his values victimize or even in extreme cases murder him out to get him
101. 33:29 if they could some narcissists will draw completely from a world populated with such menacious and ominous objects these are this is of course a prime example of confusing internal objects with external objects these persecutory objects are internal
102. 33:48 this is the narcissist self-hatred he hates himself for having failed he wants to kill himself he wants to destroy himself he wants to eradicate himself he wants to punish himself but then he externalizes these internal voices and these internal objects and they
103. 34:05 become external they become i don’t know the cia so this kind of narcissists avoid all social contact except the most necessary they refrain from meeting people falling in love having sex talking to others or even corresponding with others in short
104. 34:23 they become schizoids not out of social shyness but out of what they feel to be their choice and a preponderance of wariness of caution this evil hopeless world does not deserve me goes the inner refrain and i shall waste none of my time and resources on these in greats
105. 34:44 the next solution inside the covert spectrum so we’re talking about covert narcissists yes the next covert solution is the paranoid aggressive or explosive solution other narcissists who develop secretary delusions resort to an aggressive stats a more violent resolution
106. 35:04 of their internal conflict these kind of narcissists are dangerous they become verbally psychologically situationally and sometimes physically abusive they become bullies they insult castigate chastise berate demean deride despoil degrade their nearest and dearest
107. 35:27 often well-wishers loved ones they explode in unprovoked displays of indignation righteousness condemnation and blame their world is an exegetic hermeneutic bedlam a madman a madhouse they interpret everything even the most innocuous inadvertent innocent comment good morning
108. 35:49 is designed to provoke and humiliate them somehow what do you think i don’t know it’s morning you think i need you to tell me it’s a morning and who are you to decide that it’s going to be good are you god or do you want to control me and dictate to me that i should feel good
109. 36:04 etc this kind of analysis is so fear revulsion hate and malignant envy wherever they go they flail against the windmills of reality they are pathetic for lone sight but but they are very very very perilous dangerous often they cause long and lasting damage
110. 36:25 unfortunately fortunately mainly to themselves but sometimes you know to others and then the final type of covert narcissist is the masochistic avoidance solution muslim avoidant narcissist when narcissus has deficient supply he he disintegrates he decompensates his
111. 36:45 defense mechanisms stop working the false self no longer protects him from the world so he’s angered it it frustrates him of course that frustration frustration breeds aggression that’s not me there’s a dollar in 1939 frustration aggression hypothesis use your finger
112. 37:03 so the narcissist is angered by lack of supply of narcissistic supply and he directs some of this fury inwards punishing himself for his failure and this masochistic behavior has the added benefit of forcing the narcissist closest to assume the roles of dismayed spectators
113. 37:24 or of persecutors and so either way to pay him the attention that he craves it’s a little like a child you know a child who throws a temper tantrum um he does this to attract attention the same with the narcissist i’m going to hurt myself i’m going to
114. 37:40 commit suicide i’m going to die i don’t want to live anymore i mean this is cry for help on the one hand but actually an attempt to attract attention self-administered punishment often manifests self-handicapping masochism a narcissistic cop-out but by
115. 37:57 undermining his work his relationships and his efforts the increasingly fragile narcissist avoids additional criticism and central negative supply self-inflicted failure is the narcissist’s doing and so proves that he is a master of his own fate that is in control
116. 38:14 you know to fail is an art form if you’re very very good at failing if you all that you have done all that you’ve been doing in your life is failing if you’re an expert at failing you will go on failing because that’s what you do best masochistic narcissists keep finding
117. 38:32 themselves keep finding themselves in self-defeating circumstances which render success impossible milan wrote in in the year 20 years ago that this kind of narcissist the masochistic narcissist covert their coverts of course they try to to avoid an objective
118. 38:51 assessment of their performance to make it improbable they act carelessly they withdraw in mid effort they’re constantly fatigued bored or disaffected and so they’re passively passive aggressively sabotaging undermining their lives their work their accomplishments
119. 39:09 projects they’re involved with their suffering their suffering is ostentatious it’s conspicuous it’s defiant and by deciding to abort they reassert their omnipotence i destroyed this project i ruined that company i pushed my wife to cheat on me
120. 39:31 the narcissist pronounced public misery and self-pity they are compensatory and they reinforce according to milan the narcissist’s self-esteem against overwhelming convictions of worthlessness analysis tribulations and anguish render the narcissist in his own eyes
121. 39:50 unique this kind of narcissist these kind of covert narcissists they are the saints you know the saints walking among us some of whom get noble peace nobel prizes they’re actually covert narcissists they’re saintly professionally saintly or professional victims
122. 40:10 they’re virtuous they’re righteous they’re resilient they’re significant many of them become empaths super empaths and supernova empaths it reminds me of the freemasonry there’s a free masonry of empaths these are all very grandiose and narcissistic people and the term empath is a
123. 40:32 self-aggrandizing term often used by covert narcissists this kind of narcissists in other words generate their own supply by attaining the high moral ground they are god they are the ones who punish who do they punish themselves but it’s okay
124. 40:52 they still maintain the function i mean they still own punishment they they do the punishment the worse the anguish and unhappiness of these eternal victims the more relieved and elated they feel it’s a comfort zone okay now let’s talk about the collapsed phase the face that leads
125. 41:13 to covert narcissism the collapse covert messages i made a video about it yesterday for those of you who survived it and so i mentioned i want to summarize yesterday’s video yesterday’s video was an amalgamation or aggregation of testimony testimonials by
126. 41:29 dozens of people so it was a bit messy a bit chaotic and i i really really apologize for the it’s difficult to collate um to create a composite that is coherent because people you know mismatch but i want to pinpoint how mean on a few points first of all the collapse converted
127. 41:50 covert narcissist it starts with a collapse then there is notification you remember what modification does there are five videos dedicated to notification on my channel narcissistic modification disables the font self so there’s an overt classic narcissist
128. 42:08 there’s a problem with reality something some failure some humiliation public or otherwise some defeat he cannot cope with it he collapses and when he collapses he’s mortified because he comes face to face with his true self there’s no protection of the false self
129. 42:25 because the false self is disabled the minute this happens this kind of narcissist who went through a collapse and is about to become a covert in one of the five variants that i mentioned before before he becomes a covert he develops indifference he becomes
130. 42:45 he becomes a doormat he has no boundaries he is open to exploitation and abuse [Music] he is conflict diverse he avoids conflicts he doesn’t protest he doesn’t stand up for himself he doesn’t fight back and this is intended to reduce dissonant anxiety
131. 43:05 this the collapse creates enormous anxiety overwhelming anxiety and to reduce it the narcissist actually switches himself off he doesn’t exist because he stops to exist he ceases to exist no one can do anything to it so he’s immune to pain immune to hurt
132. 43:24 he he reaches a state of equilibrium and homeostasis he kind of freezes it’s a freeze response in effect and gives him time gives him time to do what gives him time to reconstruct the false self to put the bricks back together but he does this by becoming anti-social
133. 43:44 so he becomes a con artist he steals and cheats and lies he does horrible things it is via anti-social activities immoral activities defiant activities lack of impulse control and sometimes criminal activities that he regains his sense of omnipotence
134. 44:03 and mastery which allows him to reconstruct the false self following the collapse and the modification in the phase of indifference the false self is restored and that kind of narcissist switches back to overt narcissism but again once the false self is restored
135. 44:24 there is a process of collapse of the covert state suddenly all the tools of the covert state are no longer applicable and they control conflict with reality so there’s a collapse technically and there is mortification this time modification of the true self
136. 44:40 or the other self or whatever it is that is functioning there the convert state the covert solution there’s a modification of that and a restoration of the overt so overt classic classic collapse modification indifference doormat phase convert and back convert collapse
137. 45:05 notification over it that’s the sequence so you ask me why did you need 76 minutes yesterday to say what you have just said in five minutes because i like to hear my voice i love my voice it’s resonant it’s amazing caruso has nothing on me you don’t know who karous is never like
138. 45:31 that it just shows you my age collapsed histrionic personality disorder the collapse state of the history the collapse historionic is usually and there’s a video remember there’s a video about each of these topics much longer video where you can hear my voice interminably
139. 45:50 and fall asleep my advice fall asleep before you start with my voice but that’s up to you some of your muscle cases i’m sure so the collapse is really collapsible is usually a woman because for a simple reason most people diagnosed with estrogenic personality disorder
140. 46:08 are women so the collapse is ceramic is usually a woman with a body image issue a somatophone problem or body dysmorphia body dysmorphic disorder and so she has an issue with her body she’s not happy with her body she misperceives her body she has the wrong perception
141. 46:27 of specific parts of her body or the totality of the body she is a law and consequently she has a low sense of self-esteem self-confidence and self-worth but she still the histrionics still needs the opposite sex men in this case and she still uses men
142. 46:46 to regulate her flagging self-esteem and deficient self-confidence i’m talking of course about hetero heterosexual histionic because they’re homosexual history lesbians and gays so but let’s stick to the heterosexual historic it’s much more prevalent and common so she needs men
143. 47:06 and she medicates she self-medicates with men men are her medicine she reduces anxiety with men she teases them she flirts with them she seduces them she conquers them she’s not really into sex but she’s entered into the conquest she regulates her self-esteem this way
144. 47:24 this creates a permanent dissonance anticipatory anxiety because such a woman expects fully to be rejected and humiliated by men in other words her need for men makes her dependent on men she hands over power to men let’s see irony the histrionic who supposedly conquers everyone
145. 47:47 seduces everyone she’s the fun fatal or the ingenue the histrionic is actually at the mercy of men low self-esteem often leads to an impaired reality testing collapsed histrionic misreads environmental social and sexual cues and often ends up being mocked shunned abused
146. 48:08 or sexually assaulted by men especially if she’s drunk or abused substances and she compensates for her insecurities with brazen defiance and grandiosity as well as substance abuse all of which compound her ability to properly gauge reality her inability of course the
147. 48:32 collapse historionics feelings of inferiority and inadequacy lead her to social withdrawal and reclusiveness so usually collapse historionics would just stay at home they wouldn’t dare expose themselves to potential rejection and humiliation she rarely dates men this kind of war
148. 48:52 and when she does she aggresses against pushes away and abuses males that she perceives to be alpha males dominant males jerks even when they are genuinely interested in her this is kind of preemptive abandonment this is the irony she usually ends up with weasels and
149. 49:12 losers and better males because a beneath you uh cycle sin more dominant than accomplishment were interested in you because their rejection would hurt much more collapse historionic picks up safe men weak ugly losers junkies you know men who are unlikely to
150. 49:36 painfully reject her or if they reject her won’t be painful histioni personality disorder combines traits of both narcissistic and anti-social personality disorders actually there are many advocates many scholars who suggest that historic personalities so there is
151. 49:53 a subspecies of variant of psychopathy it therefore stands to reason that these three cluster b dramatic stalwart personality disorders they share in the same meteorology same psychodynamics which leads us back to the opening argument many astronomics attention use the opposite
152. 50:12 sex the attention the infatuation the arousal to regulate their emotions moods affect and as well as sense of self-worth self-esteem and self-confidence potential mates are the histrionic supply and similarly when roundly resolutely rejected humiliated by rejection abandoned in
153. 50:34 neglected ignored collapse histrionics react with histrionic rage in other words we see a mirror image of narcissism here mirror image historic supply histonic supply narcissistic range histionic range the histrionic the collapsionic resorts to in your face defiance often by
154. 50:54 triangulating with the third third men third party in order to provoke jealousy or to grievously hurt the frustrating and rejecting object men the histrionics aggression is focused on restoring his or her grandiosity via a new and ostentatious sexual conquest but it can
155. 51:15 and does where have many other mostly passive aggressive or reckless forms of behavior compulsive shopping shopaholics gambling lying sabotaging procrastinating substance abuse verbal abuse brutal honesty offensive humor and mockery and so on these are all
156. 51:35 expressions of collapse collapse histrionic personality so so when a woman a woman with mental health issues is sexually or otherwise rejected by her intimate partner she acts out in one of two typical ways and this is especially true if the partner also justifies his sadistic
157. 51:55 cruelty by adding abuse and overt humiliation to injury so such women if they’re exposed to husbands who torture them taunt them and torment them tell them you’re ugly you do not turn me on you’re fat you don’t know how to be a woman you’re stupid you’re repulsive you’re
158. 52:12 no other men will be interested in you you don’t understand my sexual and psychological needs you turn me off many many so-called intimate partners do this on a regular basis it’s a sadistic torture and the union in such a case divorce into a power match power play
159. 52:32 the personality disordered woman narcissistic historic borderline seeks to obtain two goals to redress her grievances and her sense of offended justice the first goal is to disprove her partner’s evaluation of her and restore her self-esteem and self-confidence by
160. 52:48 proving mainly to herself how other men desire her and this is accomplished by becoming a flirtatious promiscuous and seductive teaser the second goal is to punish her non-intimate partner by her non-intimate so-called intimate and she does this she punishes him by
161. 53:06 rendering his property herself she he regards her as his property and she regards herself as his property by rendering by devaluing his property so when she becomes a when she becomes promiscuous when she gives her body indiscriminately to strangers in a bar
162. 53:26 she’s punishing her intimate part by devaluing his property she is transmogrify into a or she can suddenly stop being a woman eliminate all her feminine dimensions and behaviors become morbidly obese obese so by sexually egregiously misbehaving with multiple men the rejected woman
163. 53:50 transforms herself into a and this is her way to penalize her abuser by devaluing and debasing herself by self-trashing by trashing his property but some women choose the exact opposite solution they pass passive aggressively stopping women altogether in a way they unconsciously
164. 54:11 adopt the abuser’s point of view he regards them as not not feminine as repellent and so they agree with him they validate it they neglect their appearance they abandon their personal hygiene they dress in tattered and shabby shabby garb they put on makeup they’re physically
165. 54:31 inert obese neglect their duties including in business child rearing child bearing etc this is their way of defying their mean and nasty power you say that i’m not a woman well here you are i stop being one these women eradicate their femininity in womanhood
166. 54:49 as a way of getting back at their mistreating abusive pop and all this is the package of collapsed hysterone when she becomes covert history only every single overlay narcissistic borderline antisocial histrionic every single personality disorder has two
167. 55:11 three states overt collapsed covert we just cover the histrionic and we move on to the covered borderline the shy or the quiet borderline is a very controversial suggested diagnosis which has not been adopted and is not accepted and is not taught anywhere and to my mind at least
168. 55:35 is a grievous error every body line is sometimes shy and internalizing and sometimes psychopathic and externalized so i don’t think it’s a separate diagnosis i think it’s one of the self-states of every borderline but there is such a state no question
169. 55:54 there’s a there’s a state where the borderline is fragile shy vulnerable and this kind of borderline internalizes her struggles and impulses including aggressive impulses she does not externalize she does not direct them with others she internalizes she directs them at
170. 56:13 herself she becomes the exclusive target of her own chaos and turmoil she doesn’t act out she acts in both the classic and the covered borderline [Music] act out and acting both of them have these states of acting out and acting uh i would now like to read to you the
171. 56:38 list of traits of the covert borderline it is based on this on this um schematic uh which arnold m cooper and s akhtar put up in 1989 when they described the covert narcissist and what i would like i’ve taken it and i’ve adapted it to describe the covert borderline
172. 57:00 so the covert borderline self-concept and emotional regulation it has a false self like the classic borderline both the classic and the covert states have the false self is intact this is grandiosity preoccupation with fantasies of outstanding love
173. 57:17 and huge sense of uniqueness feelings of implied entitlement alloplastic defenses this is something that uh very often confuses diagnosticians therapists mental health practitioners the grandiosity of the borderline they often misdiagnose borderline as
174. 57:35 narcissists and narcissist borderline they both share grandiosity exactly like the psychopath it’s another psychodynamic or theoretical reason to unify this allegedly ostensibly separate disorders the separation is artificial grandiosity is seriously dominant feature of this and
175. 57:56 and a very important psychodynamic precursor so the covert narcissist is grand um covert borderline is grandiose he has internal locus of control seeming self-sufficiency modal ability emotional dysregulation and rationalization or reactance and defiance
176. 58:16 he acts against authority confessions it has a low boredom threshold and tolerance he externalizes and internalizes he has no suicidal ideation and all his aggression is other directed he aggresses against others it does not self-mutilate we’re talking about covert borderline
177. 58:39 yes most convert borderlines are men [Music] it does not self-mutilate it has hypochondriasis and addictive behaviors he’s dissociative has many dissociative self-states mainly selective attention confabulation repression or denial and he has a primary psychopathic
178. 59:00 protector is a primary self-state that kind of protects protects him and is very psychopathic what about interpersonal relationships the covert borderline has paranoid per secondary ideation numerous but shallow relationships intense need for love from other
179. 59:18 people he’s a people-pleaser sometimes lack of real empathy in the primary psychopathic phase valuing of children of a spouse in family life he has inability to genuinely participate in group activities he’s passive aggressive solid surly self-denying and these are also his
180. 59:39 behaviors he’s cunning premeditated and malevolent he engages in intermittent reinforcement and therefore generates trauma bonding he has scorned for others often masked by pseudo-humility so he holds everyone in contempt but he pretends to be a nice kind kind guy
181. 59:59 um he has histrionic attention-seeking recklessness aimed at hurting or affecting others he’s sadistic punitive and and goal-oriented especially when he triangulates so he would triangulate in a sadistic way and in order to punish his partner and his triangulation would
182. 60:19 always be goal-oriented not impulsive he has object in constancy and goes through cycles which are very reminiscent of narcissism idealizes devalues discards reverts or replaces what about social adaptation he’s socially charming and he’s charismatic he engages in
183. 60:40 consistent hard work but it’s done mainly to seek admiration this is known as pseudo sublimation he has intense ambition he’s often successful and he’s preoccupied with appearances is is he ethical does he he have any standards and ideals moral or otherwise well
184. 61:01 he is idiosyncr the covert borderline a man usually is idiosyncratically and unevenly moral he has caricatured modesty he is an activist very often there are new studies published in the university of british columbia linking virtual signaling and political activism to extreme
185. 61:22 psychopathy analysis so he is he’s an activist and he has enthusiasm fake enthusiasm never mind but enthusiasm for socio-political affairs so many many anti-racist activists i wouldn’t be completely shocked to discover that they are actually raging narcissists and psychopaths he
186. 61:45 has inordinate ethnic and moral relativism pretend pretended contempt for money in real life feigned spirituality and guru status so many of the gurus coaches mystics yogis public intellectuals philosophers and psychologists psychologists and philosophers they are likely covert
187. 62:07 narcissist or covert borderlines and has irreverence towards authority what about love and sexuality he has marital instability likely to have divorced and married several times he has called it greedy called in greedy seductiveness extramarital affairs and promiscuity
188. 62:27 uninhibited sex life his cognitive style is dichotomous thinking black and white and splitting primitive defense mechanism you’re all good or you’re all bad something is all evil or all good all all you know he’s impressively knowledgeable
189. 62:47 he has egocentric perception of reality he has a fondness for shortcuts to acquisition of knowledge he’s decisive and opinionated he has a love of language and is often strikingly articulate finish by proposing that there is a covert state of
190. 63:05 psychopathy as well that’s there will be a convert covert antisocial personality disorder and i think the covert antisocial is a combination of the covert narcissist plus the classic borderline in other words if you take a covert narcissist you can rewind and listen to the
191. 63:23 criteria and you add to that the criteria of classic borderline classic not covered put them together you get the covert the person with covert antisocial personality disorder and if we do this we come up with something which is actually secondary psychopathy
192. 63:46 so the covert what we call today secondary psychopathy is not a secondary state another state of psychopathy it’s not like there are two two types of psychopathy primary and secondary no there’s only one type of psychopathy the overt classical type of psychopathy
193. 64:06 and then there is a covert type of psychopathy the covert state of that type so remember every every overlay has overt collapsed covert so when we have overt or classic psychopathy then we have a collapsed that fails to realize his goals and then he goes into covert state
194. 64:29 the convert state of his disorder is what we call today secondary psychopathy and it merges well with classic borderline and that’s why today we think we we are reconciling of classic borderline personality disorder as secondary psychopathy in women
195. 64:50 so covert what we call secondary psychopathy it’s a mistake it’s not another type of psychopathy it’s simply another state of psychopathy it’s classic psychopathy which has become covert owing to collapse and via multiplication borderline and histrionic personality
196. 65:11 disorders may be manifestations in women of secondary type psychopathy as measured by factor two of the pclr test in other words borderline and histrionic women may actually be psychopaths a growing body of recent studies supports this startling conclusion
197. 65:29 survivors of complex post-traumatic stress disorder also manifest both psychopathic and narcissistic behaviors they develop an overlay intimate part and there is a video um unfortunately with very few views to my total surprise there’s a video that i made that clarifies the
198. 65:54 differences between cptsd and borderline and explains how people exposed to complex post-traumatic stress disorder narcissistic abuse for example actually end up developing narcissistic and psychopathic behaviors and there’s another video warning victims not to become
199. 66:14 narcissists and psychopaths intimate partners will not be surprised by this observation that borderlines are psychopaths impulsivity defined grandiosity antisocial and interpersonal aggression manipulativeness violence dysregulated negative emotionality
200. 66:35 lack of object constancy object impermanence attachment dysfunctions hostility splitting or dichotomous thinking high levels of distress anxiety depression substance abuse these are all typical and common among borderline personality disordered women and psychopaths
201. 67:00 secondary psychopaths covert psychopaths and these women also defy gender roles and behavioral norms they act masculine when they are stressed when they anticipate rejection and humiliation or are subjected to neglect and are ignored when there’s withholding when there’s abuse
202. 67:21 they become men masculine behaviors psychopathic masculine behaviors but borderline adds a twist to this cocktail dissociation whenever stress levels and inner dissonance become intolerable she hands over control to her inner psychopath she depersonalizes derealizes disappears
203. 67:44 or develops dissociative amnesia she doesn’t remember it and instead out comes out comes a psychopathic self-state it raises the possibility that antisocial personality disorder is not actually a diagnosis or a clinical entity but a culture-bound composite
204. 68:05 a collated derivative it is simply when people have simultaneously uh when they have gone through a narcissistic collapse and became covert and they have an overlay a borderline overlay this situation happens more often among women than among men no wonder
205. 68:29 it’s been first described and diagnosed in women so this is it for today i hope i gave you a map with checklists um you’ve had your fun with minnie don’t ask what i’m going to do to her after the video is over i am quite sure it’s not legal and if you
206. 68:51 have any intelligent questions which would be a refreshing change please feel free to post them and i promise to answer if you don’t suffer from any physical disability try to use at least one of your fingers to search my channel and to search google scholar there’s a
207. 69:12 website of google managed run by google called google scholar and in google scholar you have only papers and articles published in academic journals peer-reviewed academic journals there the literature is much safer much more much more reliable
208. 69:33 people ask me about my paper they ask to know in which journal is going to be published it’s unethical i cannot say but if you go to my website there’s a page called mediakit so you go to my website mediakit.html and on the media kit
209. 69:54 you can see that i’m the editor-in-chief actually of three academic journals in psychology and mental health and i’m a member of the editorial board of another 16 that’s 6-0 academic journals in psychology mental health psychiatry and neuroscience
210. 70:14 and my paper is going to publish i’m going to be publishing one of them at this stage it did not possibly review it was just handed over to reviewers and it’s considered unethical to to release the name so my apologies the minute it’s published of course i’ll
211. 70:29 make a big broad out of it because it would be a perfect opportunity to obtain supply and that’s what i’m here for that’s what mini is here for both of us are looking for supply i mean coffee i have as much as i want lately tea but supply is in short supply