Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Covert Borderline, Classic Borderline – Psychopaths?

1. 00:04 meaning and I have been in this racket since 1995 hell many and I invented this
2. 00:14 racket in 1995 and let me tell you this I have never seen it that bad there’s a tsunami of mental health disorders sweeping the globe with its epicenter in the United States and the United Kingdom where the most recent study indicates that 4% of people suffer that’s one
3. 00:38 third of a popular of the other population suffer from depression and anxiety or a combination of both but today I want to discuss with you something completely different to paraphrase Monty Python and what I want to discuss with you today is a new
4. 00:57 proposed mental health diagnosis 1999 I came with the idea of inverted narcissism which today is called narcissists codependent of corners desist and today I would like to try to innovate similarly by suggesting a new diagnosis of covert borderline this
5. 01:17 covert narcissist that’s possibly covert histrionic convert is a very popular word look it up so why not covert borderline but I think they’re very good reasons for that and one of the main things I have been observing me and many of course we have been observing is that
6. 01:35 mental health disorders metastasize they mutate they merge they coalesce they cross fertilize they interbreed and there’s a proliferation of diagnostic attempts attempts to capture this new zoo this new variety and diversity it’s like the novel coronavirus so there’s a
7. 02:02 novel mental health disorder for literally every diagnostic category and so this is not different in personality disorders if anything it’s even worse in personality disorders and we already have convert narcissism and we have you know secondary psychopathy
8. 02:21 and be appeased and we have that and today I would like to add to the confusion if I can which I like to do by suggesting yet another nuance but before we go there I want to answer a very interesting question i had received regarding self thrashing someone asked
9. 02:41 me why do people most notably women but why do people generally self trash when they put themselves in situations where they behave recklessly self-defeating ly and self-destructively in ways that later when they sober up or when they reflect back make them feel you Millie
10. 03:02 ated ashamed guilty blameworthy well
11. 03:08 people self trash for three reasons some people self trash big because their lives are meaningless and everything is meaningless drinking is meaningless sex is meaningless other people are meaningless so they just drift through lives islands of nothingness in an
12. 03:26 utterly random medium arbitrary and capricious universe which has no beginning and no end no direction and no coal no purpose and no aim and so it’s easy to serve trash in such a setting the other group of people are actually the exact opposite and that’s a segue
13. 03:44 that’s a leading to today’s topic and these are the people who are overwhelmed by emotions they they feel too strongly they don’t have a skin they don’t have protection against the inner tidal wave of emotions that sweeps over them so these people are the exact opposite of
14. 04:07 the first group the first group find life meaning less these people find life meaning full everything is imbued with many everything elicits an emotional reaction etc so that they self trash for example they get drunk and they engage in promiscuous unprotected sex or they
15. 04:25 drive recklessly or they gamble away the family’s money or whatever and they do this sort of to drown to drown the disregulated emotions that had taken over them to create such an enormous racket and noise that will kind of stifle or counteract the inner noise
16. 04:44 the inner tumult and pandemonium and that there’s a third group and these are the people who are trying to to traverse to transition from meaninglessness to meaningfulness they try to feel something to try to emote they’re trying to feel alive they’re trying to feel
17. 05:01 loved they’re trying to film something they know there is it they know about the existence of emotions but they’ve never emoted in the full sense of the world and they judge their appearance they want to emote also they want to feel loved they wanna feel passion they
18. 05:16 wanna feel desire they want to feel commitment to a goal a purpose of course a person an institution even if it’s the family they want they want to to exist in the full sense of the organs of a self trash they because for them self trashing is the equivalent of self-harm
19. 05:35 or self-mutilation people cut you know people who come to burn themselves with cigarettes they do that in order to feel alive or in order to drown the demon in noise of their emotions in in both senses they belong belonging to group 102 group 2 group 3 so this is the short
20. 06:00 and long of of my answer to this question now today we are going to discuss and your variety of borderline you know some of you are aware of the existence of a suggested diagnosis called shine or quiet borderline the shy and quiet borderline is a person man or
21. 06:23 woman with borderline personality disorder but she internalizes internalizes all the processes that classic borderline externalizes surplus still a classic borderline would be aggressive towards people for example an intimate partner the shy or quiet
22. 06:43 borderline would be aggressive towards herself much more likely for example to commit suicide so we say that shy or quiet borderlines act in while classic borderlines act out now covert borderlines are like classic border lights they act out they act on other people they affect
23. 07:06 the lives and the emotions and the well-being of everyone around them but they do it very differently to the classic borderline which is risen I’m out with this suggested new diagnosis I think the existence of the covert narcissist has been largely a covariance
24. 07:23 or a borderline has been largely overlooked because the covert borderline is very frequently confused with us with a narcissist or with a psychopath secondary Sakawa the covert of a borderline is usually a male and then also make it very difficult to come up
25. 07:41 with a new diagnosis first of all there is gender bias in psychology there are there whole diagnostic categories which are assigned almost exclusively to women so if you say borderline the immediate reflex this woman borderline female you know so it’s very
26. 07:58 difficult to conceive of borderline in the context of a male in consumer mailing you would tend to think about narcissist a psychopath not about borderline so comfort water line if it went if and when it becomes diagnosis would probably be diagnosed mostly among male borderlines
27. 08:17 while the classic type of borderline is still being diagnosed largely among among women but how do you tell a covert borderline from a narcissist or a psychopath before we go into the diagnosis itself well recall the penultimate video I made the video the
28. 08:37 one before the last and that video suggested or try to edify you on how to tell apart the narcissist from a psychopath from a borderline and the trick is very simple stability a narcissist is one island of stability and everything around the scales so he has a stable family but a
29. 08:58 chaotic career he has a stable career but a chaotic family life he divorces six times in his 19 children half of which are orally illegitimate so this is the novices one island of stability surrounded by a maelstrom surrounded by raging oceans and seas of chaos disorder
30. 09:18 2-month and miss that synopsises the psychopath everything is an ocean there’s no island every dimension and aspect of the Psychopaths life is utterly irredeemably irrevocably and ineluctably disordered the Psychopaths life is just so messy that it cannot be
31. 09:42 even arranged on a timeline it makes no sense it made it there’s no aim or purpose no direction or goal no guiding principle or organizing principle nor hermeneutic principle something to explain nothing it’s just total random capricious arbitrary kills and società and the
32. 10:02 bottom line of something which I call enhancing instability or enhanced instability the borderline has periods in which she is like a narcissist she has an island of stability and everything around the scales but then she transitions to something which
33. 10:19 resembles very much a psychopath she transitions into periods where she does not have even the island of stability everything is guaranteed so a borderline is a compo a twofer a double Yami or a double whammy depending which end of the borderline you are over narcissist and a
34. 10:37 psychopath sometimes she’s like the narcissist one stable pillar one foundation which is very very predictable in long-term everything around kills and then she suddenly destroys everything ruins everything implodes explodes and every every other plots
35. 10:55 she becomes effectively like she her life becomes effectively like a Psychopaths life utter total unmitigated mess okay that’s not to tell apart these discourages now what I want to do is a bit unusual before we go into the new diagnosis of overt borderline which remember is more
36. 11:14 typical of men before we go into this I would like to read to you literally read to you from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual v published in 2000 2013 the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual the fifth edition is proposing an alternative model an alternate model of
37. 11:33 borderline personality disorder much more nuanced but more subtle captures much more of the disorder in my view doesn’t reduce it to a list of criteria
38. 11:46 realizes the subtypes and differences and distinctions is very time mentionable not categorical etcetera etcetera so I’m struck by how versatile and how sophisticated the alternate model is and it’s very rarely mentioned in preparation for this video I’ve
39. 12:05 watched 18 or 20 videos by six different experts real and selves time and all of them all they did was quote the DSM for not one of them mentioned not one mentioned the alternate model and so I’m going to read to you the entire alternate mode in the dsm-5 borderline
40. 12:25 personality disorder typical features of borderline personality disorder are instability of self-image personal goals interpersonal relationships and effects so all these are unstable self-image personal goals interpersonal relationships and effects the text
41. 12:44 continues accompanied by impulsivity risk-taking and or hostility characteristic difficulties are apparent in identity self Direction empathy and or intimacy as described below along with specific maladaptive traits in the domain of effectivity and also antagonism and/or
42. 13:11 disinhibition so now they go in the dsm-5 and they suggest new that gnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder proposed diagnostic criteria a moderate or greater impairment in personality functioning manifested by characteristic difficulties in two or
43. 13:32 more of the following four areas number one identity markedly impoverished identity fully developed or unstable self-image often associated with excessive self-criticism chronic feelings of emptiness dissociative States and distress number two self Direction instability in goals
44. 13:56 aspirations values or career plans number three empathy a compromised stability pay attention and compromise ability to recognize the feelings and needs of others associated with interpersonal hypersensitivity so contra contract what we think today the dsm-5 recognizes that
45. 14:22 border lines very similar to narcissists have severe problems with empathy I repeat compromise the ability to recognize the feelings and needs of others associated with interpersonal hypersensitivity prone to feel slackened or insulted known as hyper vigilance
46. 14:39 perceptions of others selectively bias toward negative attributes or vulnerabilities intimacy intense unstable and conflicted close relationships marked by mistrust neediness an anxious preoccupation with real or imagined abandonment close relationships often viewed in extremes
47. 15:02 of idealization and devaluation and alternating between over involvement and withdrawal be four or more of the following seven pathological personality traits at least one of which must be number five impulsivity number six risk-taking or number seven hostility so
48. 15:25 here they have new new diagnostic criteria and to qualify the borderline you must have impulsivity or risk-taking hostility if you don’t a lot of online so here are the criteria number one emotional ability an aspect of negative affectivity unstable emotional
49. 15:45 experiences and frequent mood changes emotions that are easily aroused intense and/or out of proportion to events and to circumstances number two actress ness again an aspect of negative activity intense feelings of nervousness tenseness or panic often in
50. 16:07 reaction to interpersonal stresses worried about the negative effects of past unpleasant experiences and future negative possibilities feeling fearful prehensile or threatened by uncertainty fears of falling apart or losing control number three third diagnostic criteria
51. 16:31 separation insecurity again an aspect of negative affectivity fears of rejection but fear of rejection by or separation from significant others associated with fears of excessive dependency in complete loss of autonomy that’s very important it’s a change from the DSM for
52. 16:52 what they’re saying is that the borderline simultaneously is afraid of abandonment but also afraid of intimacy because she perceives intimacy as being engulfed has been digested it’s vanishing she perceive an intimacy is merger infusion is becoming someone’s
53. 17:12 extension as disappearing and so she’s terrified of both falling in love and being intimate and of not falling in love and not being intimate in dimension number four the perceived an aspect of negative affectivity frequent feelings of being
54. 17:32 down miserable and a hopeless difficulty recovering from such moods pessimism about the future the vasive shame shame feelings of inferior self-worth thoughts of suicide and suicidal behavior 10% of borderlines commit suicide number 5 impulsivity an aspect of
55. 17:56 decency vision acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli acting on a momentary basis without a plan and without consideration of outcomes difficulty establishing or following plans a sense of urgency and self harming behavior and their
56. 18:16 emotional distress number 6 taking taking to take something in aspect of this inhibition engagement in dangerous risky and potentially self damaging activities unnecessarily and without regards to consequences if I might end here it’s something that takes but not
57. 18:36 only without regard to consequences but without regards to the effects these kind of actions are going to have on your nearest and dearest loved ones intimate partners they don’t care when they’re in the throes of such a addition division they they they you’re gone you’re history
58. 18:54 you are not in their minds we call it object in constancy and continuing from the text lack of concern for one’s limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger number seven hostility an aspect of antimony persistent of frequent angry feelings anger or
59. 19:12 irritability in response to – slights any assaults wonderful wonderful description of borderline much superior to what we have in the dsm-4 and now they continue to explain specifiers trait and level of personality functioning specifiers may be used to
60. 19:33 record additional personality features that may be present in borderline personality disorder but are not required for the diagnosis so for example traits of psychoticism cognitive and perceptual dysregulation they are not the diagnostic criteria for
61. 19:49 borderline personality disorder but they can be specified when appropriate furthermore although moderate or greater impairment in personality functioning is required for the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder the level of personality functioning can also be
62. 20:06 specified okay guys and girls now you have all the novel the background with regards to classic or what I call dysregulated borderline then let’s now survey or get acquainted with what I proposed to be a new subtype borderline covert borderline
63. 20:29 let’s start by adopting a table that was
64. 20:36 proposed in 1999 by Cooper and Akhtar by the way I just discovered that Arnold Cooper was a great scholar of narcissism died on Thursday he was 88 years old before I remember correctly Cooper in a Qatar were the ones who came up with the diagnosis of covert narcissism and they
65. 20:58 created a standard table in the you that is used to this very day to describe the various features diagnostic and otherwise there is clinical dimensions and manifestations of correctness in light of this table and I adopted it to convert borderline I so let’s start by
66. 21:19 preparing all the time the covert borderline with the dysregulated of classic order the classic borderline his identity diffusion she doesn’t know who she is she changes her mind very often but she doesn’t change her mind because she decides to change her life it simply she
67. 21:36 wakes up with another mine on Friday she’s sexually conservative on 3rd on Saturday she’s highly promiscuous on Friday she’s anti-racism on Saturday she got insulted or she thinks she got insulted by a black man so she becomes a racist there’s no poor there’s no stable
68. 22:00 nucleus there’s no nothing you can point to and say this is she this is never gonna change this is immutable everything is in flux values beliefs cognitions emotions consequently memories it she rewrites in refrains memory memory so constantly the
69. 22:22 something contact entity diffusion or identity disturbance this is not the case with the covert the covert is stable identity number two the classic borderline feels inferior shares in if what Adler called an inferiority complex the covert borderline is a false self
70. 22:40 exactly like the narcissist and he is grandiose number three the classic borderline has morose self doubts she she constantly blames us so she is constantly feels that she is wrong when we say that she has eco destiny or ego discrepancy some kind of drunk mist or
71. 23:01 she feels that her emotions are wrong the way she reacts her emotions it is wrong everything is wrong and she is Auto plastic defenses she would tend to attribute to herself blame shame guilt anguish and imputed responsibility for anything bad that’s happening around her
72. 23:19 she’s going to say that all I’m good at is traumatizing people I constantly hurt the people I love I was a bad mother I was a bad wife and so so she she she has auto plastic defenses defenses that attack herself and this is common also of the shine for quiet borderline
73. 23:41 the covert borderline is is preoccupied with fantasies of outstanding love he is absolutely immersed in romance in perfect perfected love in so he’s he he’s a kind of like the typical typical consumer of romance and erotic literature a knight on shining in
74. 24:11 shining armor on a white horse if he’s if it’s only if the covert borderline is a woman and if you cover a borderline is a man then he would tend to idealize any potential partner to the point that their love affair will would be the biggest love story ever those of you
75. 24:27 have seen the movie love story and there’s an induced sense of uniqueness they covered borderline feels unique and feels and tackled and consequently has exactly the opposite of the classic borderline is a low plastic defenses he would tend to blame others for his
76. 24:43 misbehavior for being aggressive for being hurtful for damaging things for destroying things he would always invent a story a narrative a script where he was actually victimized or where he had no other choice but to behave the way he did he was left no choice he was
77. 25:01 cornered so the classic borderline is an external locus of control in other words she feels that she’s at the mercy of other people their decisions their rejection their abandonment their love the or lack of love their emotions their agendas their timetables everything
78. 25:22 comes from the outside and all the pain inside and borderline is about pain borderline is a pain disorder it’s a disorder that accumulates pain pain processes pain it’s like there’s a huge toxic or septic tank of pain inside the Borla so the bottom line with a Trinity
79. 25:46 Spain to the outside she will say that she is hurt she’s damaged or she’s pinned or she’s affected by outside people processes events institution and so on and so forth that’s external locus of control the covert borderline has an internal locus of control and a
80. 26:06 seeming self-sufficiency he would tend to be a control freak he would tend to feel and believe an act as though he is the cause of everything that’s happening in the lives of people around him if they are said and said because of him and of course if they are happy they’re
81. 26:24 happy because of him he has the power to hurt them and to cause them pain and so on so for any self sufficient he doesn’t need anyone he can survive without anyone of course this contradicts both is psychodynamic and his fantasies of perfected love so there is an inner
82. 26:44 dissonance in the covert boat line on the one hand is in a constant quest for the holy grail of perfect love and on the other hand even as he pursues love and intimacy he would communicate to potential partners into intimate partners I don’t need you I can do
83. 27:02 without you there’s nothing you meant that I want you know I’m with you because I choose to be not because I need to be no because I’m addicted to your because I’m dependent on etc he’s very defined covert borderline is defined the classic borderline his
84. 27:16 embarked propensity towards feeling ashamed guilty or to blame as I mentioned before not such thing with the with the way the covert the mark the classic waterline is fragile invulnerable and in this sense the classic borderline is a lot of commonality with the covert narcissist
85. 27:36 the the covert borderline has a lot of commonality with classic narcissist these are mirror images simply simply mirror images whereas the borderline is a covert gnosis like a covert narcissist the covert borderline is like a classic gnosis so he’s more vulnerable is afraid
86. 27:52 learn and where the classic borderline engages in a relentless search for safety info completion the covert is self-sufficient now what do I mean when I say search for safety and completion the the classic borderline looks searches seeks pursues intimate partners
87. 28:15 or potential intimate partners that she thinks can make her whole she feels broken she feels partial she feels incomplete and imperfect and she’s looking for someone to make up for these deficiencies to make her whole and when she when someone makes her whole she
88. 28:35 feels safe she feels it is she feels relaxed she feels that she can venture out and this brings to mind two things the inverted narcissist and to some extent the covert gnosis but especially the inverted has this feeling when she is with the narcissist she feels
89. 28:53 completed shieff is safe she feels happy and also it reminds me of the child during the first separation individuation phase the child during this phase ventures away from mummy mummy is a safe base and he ventures away from her he explores the world but
90. 29:16 he ventures away and explores the world because he’s grandiose he feels it he can take on the world that his power matches the power of the world that he has the skills and capacities to enter the world to study the world to be in the world why is that his mummy is
91. 29:34 behind him he can always run back and hunt her legs and cry and she’s there she’s like a stable stable foundation a base a launchpad the mothership and the same with a classic for tonight that’s the way she sees her interment that’s why she wants to see an intimate partner
92. 29:55 she begins by saying him this way and that’s called idealization but she always ends by being disappointed and angry and feeling rejected and humiliated and that is the predicament of the borderline of the classic borderline even when she does find a
93. 30:16 perfect intimate partner who totally adores her and loves her beyond words and would make any sacrifice in the universe for that just to be happy it still never enough because one day he may abandon her and yesterday he didn’t say good morning with the right
94. 30:35 tone of voice series is being he rejected her and he has to go on a business trip that’s of course that’s of course he’s deserting her so life itself forces the borderline relentlessly
95. 30:51 inexorably to devalue even the most perfect partners and the borderline knows this and she regrets him afterwards and she accumulates these losses and they weigh on her and she begins to believe that she’s hopeless she begins to believe that she’s
96. 31:08 naturally bad deficient corrupt deformed defective in the summer centuries right the classic motor line is a Marxist sensitivity to criticism and to realistic setbacks and in this sense she is socially anxious or even in extreme cases socially avoidant the covert
97. 31:31 borderline is very sociable very gregarious on the country he seeks to be in company because it is there that he can get his sustenance and the sustenance of the common borderline is not not statistics apply that there is something that separates him from the
98. 31:49 narcissist the sustenance of the convert narcissist a covered model I’m sorry the what the food of the covert narcissist the supply of the covertness a borderline I’m sorry let me repeat this the supply the food the fuel of the covert borderline is not attention a
99. 32:12 jubilation admiration like the classic narcissist it’s not what he is looking for is love love Comfort affection compassion being held there being babied in a way is a bit of a child so he wants to be babied he wants to be accepted unconditionally
100. 32:39 loved with Eden in a way not connected to performance he wants to be a child and sleeping loft he wants to be an adult and still be an HTP adored the way a mother adores a child are those a baby he wants to infantilize in a way even as he makes adult claims like claims about
101. 33:03 his accomplishments and so gnosis is six narcissistic supply tension modulation of liberation being filled Psychopaths wants to be feared and his goal-oriented doesn’t care what other people would they think what they say is besides the point unless it affects his goal the
102. 33:22 covert borderline is interested in love affection support succour and this is what he seeks this is his supply and so both of them consequently both the classic and the covert borderline they have mood lability because inevitably life is very frustrating you can’t get
103. 33:46 everything you want all the time so there would liability is exogenous comes from outside reactive but also endogenous so it’s not only for example if if the covert borderline or the classic borderline are disappointed they were both react by by a craft that were
104. 34:08 both crash they were both never severe down they were both acquire the bluest instantly but they will also react internally that it will start a cascade of internal processes over which they have no control so this lability and also for no reason whatsoever they will switch to the
105. 34:29 opposite pole and the Mavic pole pole where they are related happy joyful cheerful limb and they can tell you I know can you tell why by observing them so Moodle ability is common to both both types and both types are emotionally disregulated both can’t
106. 34:49 control their emotions they both overwhelmed by their emotions the conferred borderline is highly hyper-emotional not like the histrionic the histrionic is hyper emotional but in a theatrical way her emotions are acting they are like thespian Dalek at earth
107. 35:09 stage production she externalizes her emotions these trailing externalizes her emotions ostentatiously for everyone to see an admirer the borderline the classic borderline is also hyper emotion she’s also very emotive but her disregulation is real her emotions are
108. 35:30 real and they’re very very powerful very potent they take over they drown her they kill her they smother they suffocated they bury the feeling is horrible feeling is like I can’t breathe in emit and very many of them have panic attacks we’ve showed us a breath and so
109. 35:52 anything else they summarized the soma times the dysregulation and so this is the classic and she reacts to this she reacts to this constant repeated dysregulation by dumbing nothing she simply kills the emotion she puts them to sleep she isolates them
110. 36:12 compartmentalizes she pretends they don’t exist and these forces are to be dissin Pathak forces us to ignore other people their needs wishes fears hopes cries she becomes as decent Pathak as the narcissist and even as the psychopath it’s part of the secondary psychopathy
111. 36:32 process in borderline women and and at the same time she feels nothing she feels like she’s in a dream state sleepwalking and it is that is part of the dissociative process in borderline so simultaneously in borderline there’s a dissociative process which separates the both alike
112. 36:54 woman from her emotions in order to survive in order to preserve her existence in order to to reduce suicidal ideation for example so there’s a dissociative process derealization depersonalization she says she is not in reality own reality smoke dream she
113. 37:14 feels that she is not herself she’s like what on autopilot she’s observing herself and dissociative amnesia initial she forgets things and all this is intended to separate the classic borderline from the emotions that are threatening her very life and and this
114. 37:31 is the dissociative part and then this is a psychopathic part she becomes disap affic she caters only to her needs she says it’s right now I don’t have time for you right now sorry baby I’m surviving I’m busy you know call me after the crisis right now I have to be
115. 37:53 with another man because I need comfort I need affection and you’re rejecting me you’re immolating me so I’m there with another man right now I I need to spend all the family’s money right now I don’t know I need to be addressed if I break objects right now I need now to
116. 38:10 misbehave I need not to misbehave because misbehaving is going to restore restore me into a state of existence not a state of happiness not a state of but a state of existence if I trash myself if I hurt you if I destroy things if I prostitute my body if I drink to excess
117. 38:33 if I do all these things at least I I will be busy and I will not I have time to experience my very very life-threatening emotions so this is what the classic borderline does the covert borderline also there’s emotional dysregulation but what he does he Russia in typical male form
118. 38:56 he rationalizes his emotions he invents recent the awesome sir why do I feel this way and then invent some narrative the piece of fiction a storyline stripped as to why he is feeling this way in the near tears he believes his own story his own confabulations his own
119. 39:16 lies and they become a part of his biography and it’s gonna defend them tooth and nail I mean if you challenge women on this is gonna say that you are crazy or stupid or an enemy because when
120. 39:30 we come to it a bit later both types of bolder lines have splitting defenses either y’all go to your bed eating your old friend or enemy so if you dare to challenge the rationalization of the dysregulated emotions you dare to challenge the story that the covert
121. 39:46 borderline had come up with in order to be comfortable with these overwhelming emotions you’re an enemy and so this rationalization of the emotions leads to reactance reactance is externalizing defiance and aggression the way Psychopaths do and usually it involves
122. 40:08 could code to mitosis usually it involves a rejection of authority and the authority doesn’t have to be the government of the men in black or the Illuminati or some other conspiracy or reptilians or whatever whatever it is that you believe in authority could be a
123. 40:25 husband or your wife or even your child who makes demands on your time so the rejection of structure a rejection of order collect Lee called it the rejection of life in this sense while the classic borderline behaves like a secondary psychopath psychopath
124. 40:43 who his emotions in Psychopaths who has empathy to start with the covert borderline when he is emotionally disregulated rationalizes the emotions rationalizes why he is feeling this way which is what the novices does and then transitions and becomes a primary
125. 41:05 psychopath a primary psychopath a Robert Ayers aguma reactance defiance impulsivity total this empathy rejection of authority etc see the classic borderline one of the reasons she she has to dissociate from her emotions is that she has something called
126. 41:27 alexithymia the inability to label her her emotions properly when we when we angry we know we hang healthy people when they angry another angry Kazu what’s matter we are angry when they’re in love usually they know they’re in love so we are stop one while you’re looking
127. 41:49 at her disco I’m infatuated with her we love with her they put people know to label it in order to label emotions the classic borderline is severe difficulty with this similar to the narcissist by the way mislabeling emotional mislabeling is common to both
128. 42:05 alexithymia causes the borderline to wonder not only about the potency about
129. 42:14 the power of his emotions they do they both like wonders why mouths overwhelmed why do I feel so bad why do I feel that I’m about to drown about to die about to get married so not only this but you also ask yourself what is it that I’m feeling and feeling something it feels very
130. 42:32 threatening now I feel that I’m about to be disbalance and I’m going to be disregulated I’m about to disintegrate I’m about to decompensate about locked out but what is it that causes all this what is the emotion what am I feeling is it love is it hatred he’s it attraction
131. 42:50 is it repulsion is it results at work and she come she can’t label and of course the main reason classic borderline cannot label any narcissist is because they are ambivalent as opposed to healthy people narcissism borderlines classic mortal eyes have can have two contradictory
132. 43:10 emotions simultaneously towards the same object so classic mother line analyst can love passionately in hate destructively the same person at the same time makes it very very difficult to label your emotions of course all you know is that there is some kind of
133. 43:31 nuclear fission going on some mushroom cloud inside you but you don’t realize the mushroom cloud is the outcome of colliding molecules of uranium mental uranium the covert borderline doesn’t have a Lexy senior what he does have he has a low boredom threshold lock boredom
134. 43:55 tolerance he gets bored very fast and when he gets bored he cannot tolerate he needs to do something about it and in this sense again the covert borderline is identical to the primary psychopath destroy his sacrifice react this way to Mordor mini brain while the covert
135. 44:20 borderline grants badly to boredom the classic borderline reacts very badly to frustration one of the main reasons for abandonment anxiety in one of the main reasons she over reacts to actual rejection and abandonment and to perceive anticipated rejection of man is
136. 44:43 because it makes her very frustrated and she is very first low frustration threshold intolerance in other words a classic borderline gets frustrated with tiniest most minimal things she clicked on a website and he took a second a millisecond longer top end of story
137. 45:04 she utterly disintegrates she goes crazy she she smashes the laptop then she fights with her husband that she goes out and she gets drunk and she sleeps with the first stranger she meets the bomb I’m kidding you not the Cascadia is dead men and that unstoppable
138. 45:24 if these causes in the classical borderline a lot of depression and anxiety because she realizes that she’s out of control and she realizes that she’s her trigger trigger is a is a clinical term in in psychology it’s an event a place smell sound a person who
139. 45:47 recreates internal mental dynamics and processes sometimes to the point that you cannot tell reality from urine Alinsky this is con flashback the the the borderline is a cascade of behaviors misbehave issues and emotions and everything which are triggered similar
140. 46:13 to the victim of complex post-traumatic stress disorder similar to the victim of PTSD and that’s why today we find it increasingly more difficult to press to to suggest a difference and differential diagnosis a difference the clinical difference between a victim of PTSD CBT
141. 46:36 is the end a patient with borderline personality disorder is they’re both triggered but still the bottom line the classic borderline is triggered by nothing is triggered by is she is it’s a satellite trigger it’s a hair trigger she’s treated by the most amazing things
142. 46:56 I mean she wanted to talk to her intimate partner he was on the phone with his boss and he took five minutes longer than she had anticipated or that she had been ready to accept end of story she will break up with a guy and she will divorce him with six children she
143. 47:14 moved to another sick I have heard in 25 years of dealing with personality disorders the most unbelievably shocking stories of transition from minimal frustrations to earth-shattering apocalyptic actions by people with classic borderline personality
144. 47:35 and this creates in them a lot of depression lot of anxiety because they anticipate what’s going to happen they know they’re out of control any depresses them they don’t want to be lighted the ego-dystonic they hate themselves and so a classic borderline
145. 47:52 would start by internalizing internalizing frustration hurt Milly Asian rejection criticism disagreement all kinds of triggers and that she would externalize the covert borderline is exactly the opposite he externalized he starts by externalize
146. 48:11 he starts by acting on his environment he can be aggressive he can be charming it can be manipulative but first he will act on other people and then their reactions will cause in him internal processes or and usually these processes will cascade
147. 48:32 they will also escalate and be a bit out of control so in classic borderline internalizing leads to externalizing and in covert borderline externalizing lease to internalizing consequently the garage built up online doesn’t have suicidal ideation all these aggression is
148. 48:51 directed at other people while both the classic borderline and even much more so the shy or the quiet borderline they have suicidal tendencies because they internalize then it’s everything is happening essentially internally when they break objects when they cheat will
149. 49:12 unnecessarily with the stranger when they get drunk and get raped and when they I don’t know when they do horrible things when they misbehave egregiously and unpredictably enough unjustly did they do this because what’s happening to them inside is a volcano and they are just
150. 49:31 showing you the volcano they granted you access to the monkey when this process is convex analyzed and so classic borderlines self-harm they abuse substances they shall trash I mentioned egregious promiscuity but there are many ways to serve while the covert borderline doesn’t do
151. 49:52 any of this there’s no self-regulation there’s no you know soft rushing it’s rare but what does happen with a covert borderline he’s he has hypochondriasis he’s afraid of disease and illness he is constantly of the alert is hyper vigilant with regards to new viruses new bacteria
152. 50:12 germaphobe your bacteria new viruses new diseases does he have this disease does he have this problem he he spends more time in hospitals and clinics than at home he is like his hobby is his health or lack of health actually in his mind in his mind he’s dying and he has
153. 50:28 addictive behaviors so this kind of person is likely to drink maybe or if it’s not drinking doesn’t to be drinking he may sublimate his addictive babies he may he may have addictive behaviors with that which are socially condoned socially acceptable for example
154. 50:43 collecting things collectibles or a hobby which she dedicates an inordinate amount of time to and it becomes an addiction the borderline is a bottle
155. 50:58 bottle personalities disorder is founded on dissociation Association is used to be one of the diagnostic criteria in DSM for immortalizing today we think the borderlines have dissociative cell states in other words that they are a bit similar to multiple personality
156. 51:19 disorder in the sense that they the personality is fragmented and they present aspects of facets facets of the personality in different circumstances to different people under different stresses and intentions and and so on and so the dissociative self states of
157. 51:40 the classic borderline involve
158. 51:46 derealization not perceiving reality is real they’re feeling a nightmarish feeling that you’re not in reality we’re in a dream state depersonalization feeling that you’re outside your body observing yourself for auto Bimal you know like a movie and of course amnesia
159. 52:06 these are the classics I mentioned before the dissociative self states of the covert of the covert borderline totally different he dissociate dissociates by for example had pain selective attention selective attention he he he filters out information that
160. 52:28 doesn’t sit well with his internal with an internal process a fault and emotion is having an idea so he constantly filters out is not open to the totality of the information sphere or information ecosystem is highly highly selective it’s not confirmation bias confirmation
161. 52:48 bias is when you have an opinion and you select information rules only information that we support your opinion in a filter out information that negates or challenges your opinion that’s not the case with the correct borderline his selective attention has to do not with
162. 53:04 his opinions but with not Muslim up with cognitions but with thoughts has to do with emotions mostly so selective attention oh when you pay attention selectively you worn out you push away big parts of the world around you which is a very good definition of dissociation he tends
163. 53:24 to confabulate he tends to speculate as to what might have happened what probably had happened what possibly implausibly can’t sure that will have happened and so on and then DBE believes it of course if you believe in in fiction then essentially you are
164. 53:41 dissociated precisely the process that we undergo when we watch a movie when we watch a movie with the so sheet we believe in the fiction of the screen part of our brain knows it is not true but this part is dormant or suppressed so there’s repression or denial the
165. 53:59 which are the classic dissociative mechanisms first described by by Sigmund Freud or even before Loyola so repression or demand here oppresses in tonight’s material that is in convent or discrepant amy is a psychopathic protector sometimes classic borderlines also heaviness but
166. 54:21 covert borderlines always have it is it’s when push comes to shove when he is threatened not challenged but threatened when he feels that the integrity of his so-called soul is at risk that he’s about to follow bar and then taken advantage of that is
167. 54:39 vulnerable that is open to attack he struts forward he puts forward a psychopath and as his protector that his protector serve state and this psychopath is a primary secular school oriented is violent is aggressive is defiant and end and not to be messed with
168. 55:02 and this protector isolates like a firewall they covert borderline from reality and fend off other people who might try to intrude interfere invade and change something transform somehow or take advantage of the of the borderline interpersonal relationships
169. 55:25 of both types are also very different the classic borderline has an inability to genuinely depend on others or to trust them in other words is she’s hyper vigilant she constantly expects the worst she constantly assumes that she’s going to be abandoned humiliated
170. 55:45 rejected exploited taken advantage of raped mess with etc so she’s a beat she is a bit of a paranoid ideation she has persecutory delusions and in extreme cases she is a per secretary object she transforms for example an intimate partner to be demonic she
171. 56:06 deceives him as demonic not an enemy only but the demonic an entity malevolent how to get her out to destroy her so this is classic borderline the covert borderline is more mystical reasonable he has paranoid ideation in other words is a suspicious type he
172. 56:26 never takes anything for granted or at face value he kind of is cynical in a way he has numerous the covert borderline is numerous but shallow relationships of course if you contrast at all if you’re paranoid it’s very difficult to develop real intimacy to
173. 56:44 open yourself up to be vulnerable to be defenseless I mentioned before the covert borderline is an intense need for love he seeks the perfect love from others and in sometimes he becomes a people pleaser in an attempt to God Allah to secure love this regret will
174. 57:03 please you but love me but he has this problem with hyper-vigilant paranoid ideation and he has a lack of real empathy especially when he is in the psychopathic phase in his case the primary psychopathic traits so this this combination renders him effectively a narcissist in
175. 57:29 interpersonal relationships the only exception is they are the different century is that the covert borderline while narcissistic in the relationship usually would truly bond with his children not because they are social supply remember he doesn’t need supply
176. 57:47 but he would value his children over his spouse for example in family life he would bond mostly with the children and he would work with the children because there he can suspend his paranoid ideation he doesn’t need to suspect them to be vigilant to look behind his
177. 58:02 shoulder to expect backstabbing when his children is they love him unconditionally and because he’s a child himself so that’s the only exception gnosis is incapable of this never mind what kind of shown the narcissist puts on that he loves his children and so on that’s nonsense
178. 58:19 he loves them as potential sources of supply the covert borderline really lost now they the classic borderline his similar problems in relationships first of all she immediately jumps into full-fledged intimacy she is instant intimacy but it’s fake its fake and you can see it’s
179. 58:42 fake because she creates the very same level of intimacy for example in casual sex with a stranger she’ll pick up a stranger in a bar and within a few hours she would there would be you know best friends best friends in the universe and she would I can idealize it with
180. 58:58 idolized him you know and she would sleep with him because she she’s grateful to him she loves him she’s he loved him as a person at least and so some instant intimacy in all circumstances makes us doubt very much that is what we call intimacy that
181. 59:16 Israel may be its wish fulfillment maybe it’s fake not in the in the sense that she is faking she’s a fraud but it’s fake because it’s instant she needs it so she invented she convinces herself it’s in other words self deception or self delusion and in
182. 59:36 the classic borderline as we have mentioned his abandonment anxiety but her abandonment anxiety is a derivative of the impostor syndrome she feels that she’s a fraud she feels she’s defective deficient she feels his bed corrupt horrible dangerous and so and she says
183. 59:57 if I let anyone for example a potential intimate bond get close enough to me up close he’s gonna see all these things he’s gonna expose me he’s gonna is gonna reveal who I truly am the impostor the fraudster the con artist the scammer that I am and so I don’t want anyone to
184. 60:19 get too close to me because if they get too close to me if they get too intimate with me if they get to know me well they are for sure gonna under me they’re gonna dump me they’re gonna reject me like a hot potato because they’re gonna realize what they’re dealing with
185. 60:36 and they would run to the hills screaming so better keep them keep them at bay keep them at the distance and if somehow they penetrated the defenses and got really really close to me I’m gonna destroy this I’m gonna ruin this relationship because it’s a threat I’m
186. 60:54 gonna abandon them before they abandon me because they’re going to abandon me they are going to abandon me once they see Who I am they’re gonna reject me once they see Who I am so I wait why wait they got through my defenses meant for me I’m going to push the Mac I’m gonna push
187. 61:13 them away never to see them again and this is why the classic waterlines feels that she is engulfed she is a government anxiety in fear of intimacy because of this imposter pogrom and she feels it the only way an intimate partner can ignore how bad and corrupt
188. 61:34 and efficient and effective she is is by digesting her by taking over her by rendering her a part of himself so if he merges with her if he fuses with her then he will not reject her he will not humiliate her and because she is the way she is
189. 61:54 do you know damaged broken damaged goods he has the intimate part that is no other option but to digest her and in golfer and consume her and a simulator is the only way you can survive with only way he can accept her and so she has what we call rejection sensitivity
190. 62:14 she anticipates rejection very sensitively and she has no effortless control she can she cut tell herself this is the way I feel this is what I want to do right now but I’m not going to do it I’m not going to do it because it’s gonna have Orban out cuts for me for others then a
191. 62:32 damage I’m gonna hurt I’m gonna have a bad impact on on my future and my love life or my relationship on people I love she doesn’t have this she is what we call effortful control effortful control control that requires effort and it usually usually fails and so on when you
192. 62:53 are like that it’s normal to envy other people and the classic borderline is very envious exactly like the narcissist she is envious of other people’s talents the positions the happiness and the capacity for deep relationships objects relationships she wants bub a death she
193. 63:12 wants to be loved she wants to be held she wants to be accepted but she knows she can’t she’s in this and this chronic Envy makes it very difficult for her to to function and gives her another motivation another reason push away people by comparison the covert borderline is also
194. 63:37 unable to genuinely participate in group activities but not because it is is envious but because of as I mentioned his lack of empathy and his grandiosity and so on so the coffered motorized problem with interactions with other people interpersonal relationships and
195. 63:57 in group activities such as business corporate settings and so it’s the same like the narcissist same reason and so consequently the cover or the line is passive-aggressive sullen surly 79 and his behaviors involve cunning trait in in very often premeditated malevolence
196. 64:18 while the classic borderline has a lack of lack of regard for other people’s boundaries she disregards other people’s time limitations obligations resources and she does this by being very clinking very demanding now she wants everything now not delayed gratification and she
197. 64:39 wants it in full it’s not good enough to give her let’s say 90% of what she wants he has to be hundred and ten so and this is of course disrespecting the people’s boundaries so now all this
198. 64:57 gives you the picture that the borderline is highly unpredictable and she is she’s capricious she’s totally shame from the outside she looks like a a train car out of you know on the slope there’s no and she is a predictable and her behavior is explosive
199. 65:18 she is impulsive and she’s reckless and if you look at the covert borderline from the outside looks the same but it’s totally different but the covert motor line does he is also unpredictable and explosive but he does it in order to bully in order to
200. 65:38 control it’s what we call intermittent reinforcement hot and cold approach avoidant love you hate you gonna abuse you and torment you and want you and torture you going to then out you and hug you and soothe you and solve your wounds then heal you intermittent
201. 65:59 reinforcement you don’t know what to expect and the bully becomes the sole source of Solace and consolation so you become highly dependent and this is what we call trauma bonding and the covert borderline his scorn for others but he is hiding this corner behind a mask of
202. 66:20 pseudo humility false modesty false humility it pretends to be humble but he is not and many of these behaviors are attention-seeking behaviors he is a bit of a bit of a history on it yes even the minute they seek attention but they don’t seek attention like the narcissist
203. 66:39 Nazi six attention by displaying either his body or his mind cerebrum displaces intellect fireworks pyrotechnics of the of the intellect the somatic shows his muscles his tattoos you know the covert borderline is histrionic and easy seeking but not the same way he seeks
204. 67:03 attention by displaying his vulnerabilities and his neediness he kind of for example he can he can seduce a woman by showing her how much he needs her how much of a child is and how much she can be his mother how much she she’s
205. 67:26 the she is the only source of succour support love acceptance how much how much she means to him how much she comes him down and rejuvenates him and provokes his creativity and so on so this is the type of attention he is seeking but he’s reckless make no
206. 67:47 mistake about it exactly like the classic borderline he is reckless but a post of the classic borderline who’s recklessness is intended to self trash the borderlines recklessness is intended mostly to damage herself to punish herself to destroy herself to defeat
207. 68:03 herself the clock the covert motor lights recklessness is aimed at hurting others it affecting others so if a borderline woman would sleep with a stranger she would do this to self trash to harm herself to damage herself to punish herself and she would never tell
208. 68:28 her husband but if a covert borderline woman would sleep with a stranger she would make sure her husband finds out so that his property which is she she is his property yes so that he realizes how much his property is devalued by a stranger it’s like she by sleeping with
209. 68:48 a stranger she has devalued her husband’s property she punished him this way so this difference between convert borderline and classic down the line yeah the correct model is sadistic punitive his goal-oriented and even when the covered online triangulates he or she they do it
210. 69:07 because they have a goal they want to achieve something I don’t they want money they ask for money they didn’t get money they’re gonna triangulate they they asked for time and the husband or the wife were busy with in a triangulate they’re gonna punish and he’s sadistic
211. 69:22 I’m gonna hurt you the classic borderline also translates but she translates because she wants to revive the bond she wants to feel again accepted wanted desired by her primary partner the trade relation partner is irrelevant she she would discard him in a heartbeat
212. 69:46 if the primary partner shows renewed interest tries to reclaim her you know and so there are different same behavior in two totally different reason them and in this sense the the classic borderline is also people pleaser but a very limited set of people mostly the
213. 70:07 intimate bond and so both types the
214. 70:13 classic under covert approach and avoid they have what Freud called approach avoidance repetition compulsion they constantly repeat the same cycle of approaching then avoiding approaching is very confusing very disorienting and it creates an unbelievable mess in the intimate
215. 70:32 partners mind and so the borderline no space and so she says I’m approaching I’m avoiding you’re approaching I’m appointing who can tolerate this no one can take this for long he’s gonna [ __ ] me he’s gonna bother me he’s going to leave me but I have happened I can’t help it
216. 70:47 I must approach and avoid it’s Who I am I can’t change who I am my identity my essence my quiddity so I know he’s gonna bother me I know it’s gonna reject me let me do it first the so her own approach avoidance leads her to pre-emptive abandon leads her to
217. 71:04 abandon the relationship to to break up before it’s done to her and it’s easy
218. 71:14 for her to do because she has no object constancy she is what we call object in constancy object impermanence she out of sight out of mind the minute she broke up the partner she may feel guilty she may feel ashamed but she will not Department
219. 71:31 doesn’t exist anymore he if he is not in her life physically he is not in their mind in any way shape or form perhaps is a transient memory and even that passes very so it’s very easy for her because no one is real and exactly like the gnosis is the borderline
220. 71:50 interacts with a snapshot so snapshot of the person a representation of the person in her by an avatar so no one is really so when she’s away she forgets about her partner and this is why for the line the people with borderline personality so are at much higher risk
221. 72:12 of cheating by the return of Statistics no one knows if they cheat more or not or less or whatever but everyone agrees they are at a much higher risk of cheating and the main reason is not because they’re in policy and not because not because of abandonment
222. 72:28 anxiety the main reason is objecting constancy if a borderline wife travels away to a conference her husband ceases to exist had never existed his gun he erased expunged from her mind from her memory from her emotions and from cognitions she’s single again she’s
223. 72:53 alone she’s free until she returns home and then he reemergence is resurrected you know it’s like a religious ceremony ritual is resurrected he’s revived in her mind on off yes object no object and
224. 73:14 this of course gives rise to a lot of drama and classic borderlines us drama the drama queens when there is a drama to manipulate and so on but it’s important to understand that the drama which is very useful and an essential tool in the arsenal of borderlines they
225. 73:33 use drama to obtain outcomes in reality favorable outcomes but it’s important to understand it it’s easy for them to be dramatic because of the aforementioned items object cuts inconstancy when you don’t really get attached to anyone when they don’t
226. 73:52 really bond with anyone when you have highly dysfunctional attachment styles avoidant other um it’s much easier for you to create drama for example by tranquility or by cheating or buying doing things with other people which constitute the trail so the drama is an
227. 74:13 integral part of the fact that the borderline classic borderline is not entirely there now the convert water line also his objecting concepts but his objecting constancy is very similar to the narcissist the idealizes he devalues then he discards and then he
228. 74:32 reverts or replaces reverts to the original partner or replaces so the cycle of the covert borderline is resembles the narcissist and the cycle of the classic borderline resembles a hurricane no rhyme or reason no goal or direction nothing income principle how about
229. 74:56 functioning in society the classic borderline his as current Berg was the first to describe a whole avoid it’s a human being superimposed on a black hole this nagging emptiness void and aimlessness in this creates a lot of social anxiety shallow commitment to
230. 75:19 anything in everything including vocational commitment profession direction of life family relationships everything is fleeting everything is passing everything is ephemeral everything is here today there tomorrow everything is aimless and everything of
231. 75:40 course is meaningless as we started the conversation this creates a lot of social anxiety as you not function in society if you do not adhere to some tenants and principles which imply the existence of some sub mini society the collectives within
232. 76:02 which we operate institutions they all are based on assumptions implicit or explicit that they embody refine meaning and generate meaning in the absence of meaning you know you can’t function socially you are your attitudes are a dilettante and charlatans like and the
233. 76:28 the classic bottom line knows this so she’s very socially anxious compared to that the covert borderline is socially charming and charismatic and actually is consistently engages in hard work and he is doing this work to seek admiration so it’s pseudo sublimation what we call
234. 76:48 is channeling his impulses and needs and urges towards socially acceptable goals but to seek admiration not like the Gnostic the narcissist is indiscriminate not suggest his attention promiscuous first-come first-served anyone can give the narcissist attention and it’s good
235. 77:14 in the nasty six as much attention as he can from as many people as again the covert borderline six of admiration and attention from his love interests or from people who are meaningful to his ability to regulate his emotions and his internal grandiose space again his
236. 77:39 grandiosity is tied intimately to emotions so he would he would for example be grandiose in his love life he would seek perfect love perfect intimacy amazing intimacy an unprecedent the first industry he would write sonnets you know like Shakespeare
237. 77:58 a soul and this is reduced so he would
238. 78:04 seek admiration and so on but from his love interest facilitators tow towards the goal of perfect love or you know he what he would act within this space while the narcissist has no boundaries in regulated space is all over the place gnosis is indiscriminate and this one
239. 78:24 myth propagated online by self signed expenses on that the gnosis is discriminant the for example is a preferred type of spouse or preferred type of intimate partner it’s wrong it’s not true now the current narcissist the correct borderline I’m sorry has
240. 78:41 intensive mission in his often successful he is preoccupied with appearances and these issues with the classic narcissist but again the goal the direction the aim is emotional regulation being more successful at emotional regulation via the agency of
241. 78:59 another party the classical borderline by comparison is nothing of the sort he has multiple but superficial interests is chronically bored as we mentioned his aesthetic test tasties imitative it’s that’s rendition of the cover toward Allah what about ethics standards ideals
242. 79:25 we mentioned in the beginning the identity diffusion or identity disturbance if you don’t have identity is only values and indeed the classic borderline is ready to shift values to gain favor he changes values he reflects in mirror as others and in this sense is
243. 79:44 very much he’s very much like a psychopath the classic borderline grooms people the difference between psychopath and classic borderline isn’t the classic borderline does it intuitively reflexively instinctively and unconsciously muscle psychopathy thousand knowingly
244. 79:59 manipulatively is a strategy but both both of them grew and they Group by mirroring but becoming the other person so it’s very easy for the borderline because it’s not really they’re exactly like the narcissist there’s nobody there there’s no identity
245. 80:17 there’s no core so she changes and shifts values she lies she’s a pathological liar plastic borderlines of pathological liars they tell you good morning look out the window call the meteorological service and buy a newspaper just to be sure that it is
246. 80:32 morning so they are pathological liars Liars many of them are addicted to a materialistic lifestyle they externalize cathexis take effect they invest emotionally in objects because they can control them they will never be abandoned or rejected we humiliated by
247. 80:50 objects a lot of this is also possible with glassy borderline and some of them have delinquent tendencies their antisocial a bit that’s where the secondary psychopath comes into the plain compared to them the covert borderline is moral but is morality he
248. 81:09 is the source of the law is idiosyncratically and an evenly ethical why because he is the more he writes the rules his own rules my way of the language in this sense the component life is very much like a psychopath we mentioned the convert underlines
249. 81:30 caricatured modesty and they many of
250. 81:36 them this are activists apropos today’s anti-racism activist all over the world many many of them convert narcissist and convert bolt locks convert narcissist obtain in indirect attention via their activism and convert border lines and obtain access to self gratification they feel
251. 82:02 that by being activists they belong and as I mentioned before perfect love perfect acceptance perfect belonging it’s very important to them so many corporate board lines are activists with apparent enthusiasm for social political affairs and they are involved
252. 82:18 in many issues that require ethnic or moral relativist so they are out there the portal and the classic borderline is in there she is very very self-centered but not egotistical not like the narcissist gnosis is self-centered in the sense that it’s everything about his supply
253. 82:39 you know the borderline is self-centered because she doesn’t have energy or resources to do anything else but to manage myself managing yourself is a full-time job consumes everything she has so she can’t sometimes get out of bed she resembles
254. 82:57 very much as far as the clinical picture she resembles very much someone with a major depressive episode she’s like in constant depression unable to get out of bed unable to function she’s dysfunctional because to cope with a low level of organization internal
255. 83:17 chaos of the borderline personality he leaves nothing for any other pursuits or interests or vacations or activities the portal they convert on the line doesn’t have these problems doesn’t have this problem so he’s much more outgoing and much more involved in the life of the
256. 83:35 community and very many will become pillars of the community like the narcissist but is likely to pretend content for money for materialistic goods is likely to present himself as spiritual so many of the Guru’s life coaches mystics Yogi’s and other types
257. 83:57 of con artists they are actually covered borderlines the convert borderline and unfortunately many of them are also covered novices and they pulled the wool over people’s eyes because they tell people what they want to hear and when any of you has a
258. 84:16 choice between what you want to hear and the truth 99% of the time you will choose what you want to fact unfortunately effect plus there’s something called the big base rate policy you will believe 95% of what you’re told without bothering to check
259. 84:35 also substantiated in studies numerous studies base rate policy look it up online base rate deficit and so they the covert borderline would be the type of spiritual guru Matt C or kink philosopher or public intellectual on life coach with the secrets and the
260. 84:59 secret for your happiness or this kind of nonsense this cameras camera con artist and he would have it would be irreverent towards Authority he would would defy authority and he would pretend that he’s above above everything about money above material goods as he drives around in
261. 85:18 his Rolls Royce towards his palace palatial residence he will tell you that he doesn’t care about money as he checks his bank account with millions of dollars given to him by brain-dead people like you he will tell you that he he’s not in it for the money he’s in it
262. 85:34 because he loves you etcetera etcetera is not I’m sure you know the time and still and still you will pay to hear these people speak what can anyone do sucker is born every day what about love and sexuality classic border lines are unable to remain in
263. 85:55 love and the same with covert border lines there is marital instability or relationship instability the classic borderline is an impaired capacity for viewing the romantic part is a separate individual with his own earn her own interest rights values while the covert
264. 86:15 borderline regards the potential romantic partner over romantic pop as a separate entity but they a target the target an object to be acquired via seductiveness so the correct borderline is called is greedy and he has many extramarital affairs and is very
265. 86:32 promiscuous his adulteress is cheating and both of them have severe inability to genuinely comprehend or acceptable sexual taboos such as an example the in system and both women uninhibited sexual life and occasionally and occasionally engage in kinko BDSM or other sexual
266. 86:55 unusual sexual unconventional non-conventional sexual practices which some people like to call perversions whatever that means finally let’s talk a bit about the the way they think the cognitive style both have dakota mistake the cosmos thinking means black and white good and evil
267. 87:14 right and wrong everything is in a bit event it come down on you answer’s no shades of gray solder masochistic or not nothing in between it’s either or you’re either my friend or you’re my enemy and you can’t be for example my friend could disagree disagree with me so this little
268. 87:35 everything is painted or black or white one day someone is your friend the next morning I disagree with you is your total enemy you want to destroy him and kill him and burn his body and kill all its family and strangle is dog and hang is kept just because you disagree with
269. 87:52 you yes oh this is the cotton was thinking coupled with splitting and aggressive impulses affected in splitting signed connected to splitting this is why it’s very easy for border lines for example to damage or hurt both types of other lights very easy for them
270. 88:10 to damage her to cause pain to people think linked to love because they love them one day and they hate them literally hate them hate their guts hit every cell in their body the next day and the day after they would die for them and they they often they would poison their food
271. 88:27 this is the roller coaster of splitting and dichotomous thinking and in the case of the classic borderline you should at catastrophize classic classic borderline creates in her mind scenarios of the future where catastrophe is about to happen she she will definitely be up
272. 88:45 and rejected cheated or damaged hurt
273. 88:51 dishes catastrophizing but the problem with borderline personality disorder exactly like the narcissist is that these people have no good reality testing they confuse inner objects with outer objects if anything happens in their mind then it is so it’s called
274. 89:07 magical thinking whatever they imagine exists had already happened so if she catastrophize us it means it has happened is happening or will never for sure million percent because her mind is the world her imagination is reality her thoughts transform magically and
275. 89:30 miraculously into facts and so she reacts to her own internal processes creative processes of imagination imagery and of extrapolation and of speculation the overt borderline is impressively knowledgeable while the classic borderline is not may know a lot
276. 89:56 but her knowledge is usually limited to trivia we call it headline intelligence the covert borderline has an egocentric perception of reality everything revolves around him exactly like the narcissists everything revolves around him is responsible for everything he
277. 90:10 made everything happen he controls already different bad things that happen he made them so I know if his wife cheated on him it’s because he abused her it made it happen he caused them to cheater if something good happened similarly is the course
278. 90:26 everything good in everything bad like God in the Middle Ages used to be called quim account is the first course the borderline is his difficulty with that because she is as we said before an inferiority complex and so on additionally she’s very very
279. 90:46 dissociative much more dissociative than they convert Oh dissociative in a different way to the covert borderline so she forgets details she flits names she forgets days she forgets it’s very difficult to to assume that you are the center of the world if
280. 91:03 you forget most of the details most of information about about the world so the covert borderline is very fond of knowledge and the acquisition of knowledge and he implements many shortcuts to acquire knowledge while the classic borderline hates to learn she hates to learn
281. 91:22 she hates academia she hates so she is an impaired capacity for learning new skills and you know she many of them who omission may forces her to none and she may have in London which may even get a degree in she may even teach become a professor I know personally if you
282. 91:39 become a professor at the University but her landing would be a puzzled would be incident would be anecdotal but there would be huge gaps in the learning when you get down to it and you get deep into it while the covert borderline will also have similar gaps and so on but there
283. 91:58 will be certain areas similar like the Northeast island of stability there will be certain areas of knowledge where it is not as we really deep found it perfected so consequently the convert borderline is decisive and opinionated and his decisions and opinions are
284. 92:17 pretty stable over time while the classic borderline is a tendency to change meanings of reality when she when there’s a threat to her self-esteem when she for example phase rejected or humiliated she will reinterpret reality and so you can’t constantly reinvent
285. 92:34 reality rewrite history and reframe what you’re feeling and still have knowledge and still have opinions and still have stable judgments clearly because you’re a different person every minute and so the borderline uses language not to describe reality or any
286. 92:51 knowledge because she has none no access to reality no comprehension of the world or over self or of others and so what she does uses language for one one reason only to regulate her self-esteem end of story the covert borderline uses language
287. 93:09 because he loves language is articulate and it is true language then he tries to secure his needs for perfect love perfect sentence and unconditional love that is unconditional performances or in other words to find a mother okay that’s been a very long introduction to covert
288. 93:30 borderline let’s see how this diagnosis develops I will dedicate in the future and we select elements from the diagnosis and indicate more to them so future videos will be considerably shorter any questions you have and so on feel free my name is Sam duckling and
289. 93:53 I’m the author of malignancy flower narcissism revista it’s best did you survive this video to the end I’m also professor of psychology for those of you who are wondering by what authority my am i speaking so thank you for being with me and see you next video