Vaknin Transcripts

Fake, Narcissistic – or True Friend?

Uploaded 10/5/2013, approx. 1 minute read

Summary

A true friend respects and trusts you only when you have earned it, while a fake, narcissistic friend respects and trusts you regardless of your behavior. A true friend shows you the truth, while a fake friend only shows you your own reflection. A true friend loves you for who you are, while a fake friend loves themselves in the friendship. With a true friend, love is its own reward, while with a fake friend, there must be some other benefit.

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

No matter how self-destructive, self-defeating, and detrimental to yourself, your actions are. A true friend respects you only when you have earned respect, and when you act respectively. A fake, narcissistic friend respects you regardless of your behavior or misbehavior. This is not respect. A true friend trusts you only as long as you prove yourself trustworthy, only while you do not put his trust to the test too often, and only on certain issues. A fake, narcissistic friend trusts you with everything and always, or so she claims. A true friend puts to you a mirror in which you see reality and the truth, never mind how inconvenient or unpleasant. A fake, narcissistic friend puts to you a mirror in which you see your own reflection, yourself, and nothing else besides.

A true friend loves you in your friendship. He loves you even without your friendship. A fake friend loves himself in your friendship, or loves the friendship itself, but she does not love you.

With a true friend, you need never ask, what is he getting out of this relationship? For loving you is its own reward. With a fake, narcissistic friend, you must always ask, why is he still in this relationship? For loving you is never enough of a price. There must be some other anterior multi wall benefit.