My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.
Many narcissists and psychopaths compensate for not having a real sex life with having a fantastic, fantasy-based sex life.
Inevitably, the sexual fantasy life of narcissists and psychopaths reflects their psychodynamic inner landscape. It reflects their fear of intimacy, their misogyny, hatred of women, their control-frequeness, their auto-eroticism, latent sadism and masochism, problems of gender identity, and various sexual deviances or failures.
Fantasies which reflect a fear of intimacy involve the aggressive or violent objectification of a faceless, nameless, and sometimes even sexless person. This is often in impersonal, alien or foreign settings.
For example, a narrative of rape. These usually coalesce with misogynistic, erotic storylines in which females are humiliated, coerced into hurtful submission and subjected to violation and degradation by one person or many.
Were sadism, masochism, homosexuality, or sexual paraphilias such as pedophilia are present, they are injected into the fantasy and color its composition, its content, and its progression.
In his fantasies, the narcissist or psychopath is always in unmitigated control of his environment and the people in it. The assemblages of bodies and limbs which populate his vagrants, his body included, are minutely choreographed to yield maximum titillation.
The narcissist is like an exhibitionistic and voyeuristic porn director with an endless supply of well-endowed actors either cowed into compliance or even craving it.
Naturally, the narcissist fantasies are devoid of any performance anxiety or of the need to reciprocate in the sex act by pleasing his anonymous and robotic partners.
Such imaginarium invariably leads to acts of self-stimulation, the ultimate manifestations of autoeroticism.
Even when the narcissist incorporates his real-life partner in his fantasies, he is bound to treat her as a mere prop, a body to masturbate with, or in, or on. An object to be defiled in acts such as groupsets, swinging, wife-swapping, or outright sexual divience examples, urophilia, or coprophilia.
This crude and overt denigration of the intimate partner serves to render her a slut or a whore in his mind, the kind of woman with whom he can have lustful and motion-free sex.
He reserves his love, involvement, and intimacy to sexless, Madonna-type, sexually inaccessible, or unattainable women, for example, his mother.
The somatic narcissist and psychopath’s sexual promiscuity emerges from underlying problems in gender identity. Many of them are closeted bisexuals, cross-dresses, and prone to paraphilias such as pedophilia, fetishism, and sexual sadism or masochism. Some of them try to act out their fantasies and get their partners to assume roles commensurate with their propensities and predilections, however outlandish, illegal, or extreme they may be.
A useful test to tell apart healthy sexual fantasies from narcissistic ones is to pose the question, would you be equally satisfied having sex with a sophisticated, inflatable, robotic doll, as with a flesh and blood partner? If the answer is yes, then in all likelihood we are dealing with a narcissist or a psychopath.
Yet these glimpses into the thwarted and the demented rarely go down well with their significant others.
The narcissist’s self-exposure to his intimate partner often elicits reactions of horror, repulsion, and estrangement.
No wonder most narcissists don’t even bother to share their fantasies with their loved ones.
The cerebral narcissist merely retreats to sexual abstinence punctuated by compulsive porn-fuel masturbation.
The somatic narcissist compulsively hunts for new feminine prey to sacrifice on the insatiable altar of his false self.
What a sad life.
