Abuse Victim’s New Year Resolutions

Uploaded 12/15/2011, approx. 1 minute read

Summary

In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin outlines seven promises that individuals should make to themselves in order to demand respect and preserve their self-worth. These promises include setting clear boundaries, being assertive about needs and emotions, treating others with respect, and terminating relationships with abusers. Vaknin encourages viewers to make these promises to themselves and to email him with specific topics they would like him to address in future videos.

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

I will treat myself with dignity and demand respect from others. I will not allow anyone to disrespect me. I will set clear boundaries and make known to others what I regard as permissible and acceptable behavior and what is out of bounds. I will not tolerate abuse and aggression in any form or guise. I will seek to terminate such misconduct instantly and unequivocally.

Four, I will be assertive and unambiguous about my needs, wishes and expectations from others and about my emotions. I will not be arrogant, but I will be confident. I will not be selfish and narcissistic, but I will love and care for myself.

Number five, I will get to know myself better, shortcomings and limitations as well as advantages and strong points. Number six, I will treat others as I want them to treat me. I will try to lead by way of self-example. And number seven, if I am habitually disrespected, abused or if my boundaries are ignored and breached, I will terminate the relationship with the abuser forthwith. Zero tolerance and no second chance will be my maxims of self-preservation.

You owe it to yourself to promise yourself these things. You owe these promises to yourself. Happy holidays and happy or happier New Year. If you wish, if you want me to tackle specific topics next year, please send me an email and I will respond. The email appears on the annotation on the left side of the screen. Write to me with special requests, special issues you want me to deal with, and I promise to include them and incorporate them in my next videos. Again, Happy New Year.