My name is Sam Vaknin, and I’m the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Today we will discuss the complex concept of narcissistic supply.

We all search for positive cues from people around us. These cues reinforce in us certain behavior patterns.

There is nothing special in the fact that the narcissist also seeks positive feedback from his environment.

However, there are two major differences between the narcissist and a normal person.

The first difference is quantitative. The normal person is likely to welcome a moderate amount of attention, in the form of affirmation, approval, admiration, being singled out, praise. Too much attention, though, is perceived by a normal person as onerous and to be avoided.

Similarly, normal people avoid destructive and negative criticism.

Not so the narcissist. The narcissist is the mental equivalent of an alcoholic. He is insatiable. He directs his whole behavior, in fact his whole life, to obtaining these pleasurable tidbits of attention.

The narcissist uses this attention to create a coherent, completely biased picture of himself to himself. He uses narcissistic supply to regulate his labile and precarious sense of self-worth and his self-esteem.

How does a narcissist provoke people to give him attention? How does he elicit constant interest?

Well, he does it by projecting a confabulated, fictitious version of himself. This is known as the false self. The false self that the narcissist projects and pretends to be is everything the narcissist is actually not.

The false self is omniscient, all-knowing. It’s all-powerful, omnipotent. It’s charming. It’s intelligent. It is rich. It is well endowed, well connected, talented, skilled.

The narcissist projects this false self and then proceeds to harvest reactions to the false self from family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, business partners and colleagues.

If the reactions that he secures by projecting the false self are not forthcoming or not sufficient, the narcissist demands people to give him admiration, adulation, attention, applause, affirmation. He demands it from them. He insists on it and in extreme cases he extorts people. Money complements a favorable critique, appearance in the media or a sexual conquest are all converted to the same currency in the narcissist’s mind and it is this currency that I call narcissistic supply.

It is important to distinguish the various components and phases of the process or mechanism of narcissistic supply.

First there is the trigger of supply. That is anything that provokes a supply source into yielding narcissistic supply. By confronting the source with information about the narcissist’s false self, the trigger generates narcissistic supply from the source.

Then there is of course the source of narcissistic supply. It is the person that provides the attention, the admiration, the adulation and finally there is the supply itself. It is the reaction of the source to the trigger.

Let us consider an example.

Publicity, whether celebrity or notoriety, whether being famous or being infamous, it does not matter. Publicity in any form is a trigger of narcissistic supply.

Why?

Because it provokes people to pay attention to the narcissist.

In other words publicity moves sources to provide the narcissist with narcissistic supply. It causes them to yield narcissistic supply to the narcissist.

Publicity can be obtained by exposing oneself, by creating something or by provoking attention.

The narcissist resorts to all three repeatedly.

And what is an example of a source of narcissistic supply?

Well for instance the narcissist spouse or mate or companion or coworker or neighbor or media figure, journalist. These are all sources of narcissistic supply who are being manipulated by the trigger of narcissistic supply.

The picture is even more complicated because there are two types of narcissistic supply. There is primary narcissistic supply which is essentially attention.

Attention can be public, for instance fame, notoriety, infamy, celebrity. Attention can be private, interpersonal, for instance adoration, adulation, applause, fear, repulsion.

It is important to understand that attention of any kind, either positive or negative, constitutes primary narcissistic supply.

Infamy is as sought after by the narcissist as fame.

Narcissist seeks to be notorious and it is as good for him as being renowned or famous.

To the narcissist his achievements can be imaginary, fictitious or only apparent. As long as others believe in these accomplishments he doesn’t mind.

Appearances count more than substance to the narcissist.

What matters is not the truth but the perception of the truth.

The narcissist is false. His self is false. His life is fake. He is interested in reactions, not in facts. Triggers of primary narcissistic supply include, apart from being famous, having an error of mystique when the narcissist is considered to be mysterious.

Having sex and deriving from it a sense of masculinity or virility. Or being close or connected to political, financial, military or spiritual power or authority. Or yielding this power.

All these are triggers of supply because when you have them you obtain supply from the environment.

Sources of primary narcissistic supply are all those who provide the narcissist with narcissistic supply on a casual, random basis.

As opposed to primary narcissistic supply we have secondary narcissistic supply.

Secondary supply includes leading a normal life which is a source of great pride for the narcissist.

Having a secure existence for instance economic safety, social acceptability, upward mobility and obtaining companionship. All these are sources of secondary supply.

Thus for instance having a mate possessing conspicuous ostentatious wealth, being creative, running a business, possessing a sense of freedom, being a member of a group or a collective, having a professional or other reputation, being successful, owning property, flaunting one’s status symbols, they all constitute secondary narcissistic supply.

And who are the sources of secondary supply?

They are those people who provide the narcissist with narcissistic supply on a regular daily basis.

Spouse, friends, colleagues, business partners, teachers, neighbors and so on.

Both primary and secondary narcissistic supply and their triggers and their sources are incorporated into something that I call the pathological narcissistic space where the narcissist feels good.

It is the area of well-being where he is sure of getting narcissistic supply.

There are hundreds of forms of narcissistic supply, both primary and secondary.

And consequently there are hundreds of types of suppliers with specific functions. This is called emergent roles.

The narcissist trains and conditions his nearest and dearest to act these parts. He allocates scripts and narratives to his spouse, children, subordinates and dependence in accordance with their strong and weak points.

It is the personality of the source of supply that determines which type of supply he or she are to provide.

Thus, a shy, insecure and reticent child may be prevailed upon by the narcissist to admire and serve the narcissist.

Smart, outgoing, independent offspring may be cajoled by the narcissist to accomplish impressive feats, thus enhancing the narcissist standing in the community and so on.

Narcissistic supply is the fuel that runs the narcissist’s machine. It is the drug to which he is addicted.