Men, We Miss You, Please Come Back! Signed: Your Women
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the current state of men and how it has driven women to behave dysfunctionally. He highlights that men are underachievers, underemployed, and overrepresented in menial jobs, leading to resentment and withdrawal from relationships and commitment. This has forced women to take on both traditional male and female roles, leading to a “unigender” society with blurred gender roles and increased competition between men and women. Vaknin expresses concern for the future of intimacy and relationships, as the younger generation becomes more narcissistic and disconnected from one another.
Narcissist’s Outsourced Existence, Trauma-Bonded Fantasy with YOU
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses three solutions narcissists use to cope with their empty schizoid core: outsourced existence, substitutive existence, and displaced existence. Outsourced existence involves collecting bits of existence from the environment and experiencing it as their own. Substitutive existence involves internalizing whole people and assimilating their existence. Displaced existence involves living vicariously through others, experiencing existence by proxy. These solutions are often hampered by narcissistic traits such as devaluation, paranoia, passive aggression, and entitlement.
Rigid Personality to OCD: Break the Cycle
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the importance of self-discipline and its connection to self-efficacy, which is the ability to secure positive outcomes from one’s environment. A lack of self-discipline can lead to impaired self-efficacy, resulting in generalized anxiety. To overcome this, Vaknin suggests a five-step program: 1) identify constricting rigidity and magical thinking, 2) exit your comfort zone, 3) shift the locus of control and develop self-efficacy, 4) focus on one priority at a time, and 5) alternate between your pathologies and addictions.
Narcissist’s Grandiosity, Borderline’s Promiscuity: 3Ss+E2A
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the demands of a narcissist in a relationship, the compensatory cerebral narcissist, and the complexities of borderline personality disorder, including the distinction between formative and situational promiscuity. He also addresses the likelihood of a borderline transitioning to a stable, long-term, sexually-exclusive relationship.
Toxic Sex: When “Love” Is Bad For You
Sex can be bad for mental health, just like cigarettes. Some forms of sex, such as those intended to regulate emotions or moods, or those without meaningful informed consent, are toxic and should be avoided. Sex used as a form of self-mutilation or self-harm, or as a way to self-objectify, is also bad for mental health. Non-autonomous sex, where sex is used to make a partner like or love you, is possibly the sickest form of sex. The psychosexuality of those who engage in bad, toxic, and wrong sex is part psychopathic and part people-pleasing.
Excessive Traits and Behaviors (World Mental Health Congress, June 2021)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the paradox of excess in psychology, where everything taken to its extreme becomes its opposite. For example, extreme weakness is indistinguishable from active evil, and unbridled pleasure is often experienced as pain. Dependence taken to its radical form involves emotional blackmail and becomes a form of control. Similarly, uncompromising freedom is a form of addiction and leads to a profound sense of loneliness. Too much learning is a form of escapism, and fun that is too frequent becomes boring. The paradox of excess highlights the need for specificity when discussing human behavior and traits.
Narcissistic Entitlement=Learned Helplessness+Grandiosity
Entitlement is a crucial pillar of narcissism, and it is one of the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Narcissists feel entitled to everything, including narcissistic supply, which they believe they are owed by the world. Entitlement is a form of learned helplessness, which is acquired through abusive parenting. Narcissists hate routine and use emotional investment prevention mechanisms to avoid getting emotionally involved and subsequently getting hurt.
Women, We Miss You, Please Come Back! Signed: Your Men
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the changing roles of men and women in society. He argues that women are becoming the new men, as they are more educated, employable, and have skills that are more relevant to the postmodern world. However, he also notes that women are beginning to phase men out, outsourcing their needs to other women or technology. Vaknin observes that younger generations of women are emulating psychopathic bullies and predators, which threatens the existence of the species. He urges women not to give up on men, as the majority are good, helpful, and supportive.
How to be Good (enough) Mother: Your 3 Gifts
A good enough mother exposes her child to risks, pushes her child away from her, and mediates reality for the child. A good enough mother frustrates her child by not granting them everything they wish for, which is crucial to the child’s emerging perception of an external world. A narcissistic mother is never a good enough mother, as she is a control freak who does not let her children develop boundaries, become autonomous, or self-efficacious. The relationship between a narcissistic mother and her child is typically symbiotic and emotionally turbulent, with trauma bonding setting in via intermittent reinforcement and emotional blackmail.
Narcissist (NPD) Hijacks Borderline (BPD), People-pleasing, Casual Sex
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the comorbidity of narcissistic and borderline personality disorders, explaining that the only way to reconcile the two is by assuming the existence of semi-dissociated self-states. He also talks about people-pleasing behavior, which can stem from anxiety or social phobia, and how it can lead to self-defeating and self-trashing behaviors. Lastly, he discusses the current state of sex and gender in the West, where casual sex has become the dominant sexual practice, and how this has led to a separation between men and women, as well as a decline in intimacy and meaningful relationships.