Savior/Rescuer as Entitled Narcissist (Excerpt)
Narcissistic saviors, healers, fixers, and rescuers are often predators who hide behind a facade of empathy, compassion, and altruism. They are grandiose, covert, and often move around in couples with someone who is honest and straightforward. They prey on vulnerable, heartbroken, sad, crying women and label someone as an abuser to pose as a savior or rescuer. They are fake friends who engage in perfidy, betrayal, and backstabbing. They are dangerous, sadistic predators who are much more dangerous than overt, open abusers.
How Borderline Sees YOU ( Intimate Partner)
Professor Sam Vaknin proposes a new diagnosis called covert borderline, which better suits men as it combines borderline and narcissism. Borderlines have two anxieties: abandonment anxiety and engulfment anxiety, which lead to approach and avoidance behaviors. In the approach phase, the borderline sees their partner as their savior and regulator of emotions, while in the avoidance phase, they become paranoid and view their partner as an enemy. This creates a roller coaster of emotions and pain for both the borderline and their partner.
False Hope of Hot and Cold: Intermittent Reinforcement, Trauma Bonding, Approach-Avoidance
Intermittent reinforcement is a pervasive phenomenon that involves two or more people, and it is not always abusive or dysfunctional. It involves regular signals, messages, and treatment that are cruel, abusive, and disempathic, interspersed with displays of extreme affection. Intermittent reinforcement can be attributed to four types of schedules: fixed interval, variable interval, fixed ratio, and variable ratio. These behaviors wear down the victim and make them more amenable to manipulation, which is the idea behind intermittent reinforcement.
Enabler Is Your Enemy, Snake in Your Grass
Enablers are not friends, but enemies who encourage self-destructive behaviors and amplify self-harm. They participate in self-defeat and self-destruction, providing tools for self-annihilation. Enablers are charming, smiling, and solicitous, posing as best friends, but they are dangerous people who derive pleasure from inflicting pain and are actually sadists. Beware of enablers.
Muddle Intimacy, Emotions, Attachment Style, Sex
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the confusion between intimacy, emotions, sex, and attachment. He argues that intimacy is not necessarily connected to emotions and that emotions, such as love, require intimacy. Attachment styles should match for relationships to work, and mate selection should be informed by attachment style. However, attachment style is not an integral part of mate selection. Flat attachment style is a type of attachment style where people are incapable of bonding or relatedness to others. Confusing these concepts has led to blurring lines and wrong conclusions in the field of gender studies and sexology.
Monetizing Suffering: Victimhood Capitalism (Atlantico Interview)
Narcissism is on the rise, particularly among young people, and technology both reflects and enhances it. Society is becoming more narcissistic, and it is a positive adaptation as it can lead to success. However, the confluence of victimhood and narcissism is dangerous, as it can lead to a lack of empathy, entitlement, and exploitativeness. To combat this, it is important to redirect public discourse away from compensating for victimhood and towards overcoming it, emphasizing triumph and resilience.
Nature: Grandiose Delusion (with Benny Hendel)
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of nature and how humans relate to it. He argues that the traditional ways of relating to nature, such as religious domination, romanticism, and decoupling, are all dysfunctional and fail to recognize that humans are part of nature. Vaknin suggests that everything humans create is natural and that nature will use humans as agents to limit their activities if necessary. He concludes that humans need to accept that they are part of nature and act accordingly.
Oedipus, Electra Complexes Bed One Parent, Kill The Other
The Oedipal and Electra complexes are not about sexual attraction to parents, but rather about the child’s need to merge and fuse with the parent of the opposite sex. Until age three or four, children are pansexual and have no concept of sexual attraction or sex drive. The Oedipal complex is actually autoerotic and a manifestation of primary narcissism. The child falls in love with himself and redirects all these emotions and drives and urges at his mother because she’s part of him. The father has no place in this internal economy, and the child pushes him away because he’s unable to cope with external objects.
People are Like Trees: Roots and Obstacles (by Jennifer Howard)
Psychopathologies are adaptive mechanisms that allow individuals to grow around obstacles and reach a functional equilibrium. Humans are a life form that forms personality structures optimally suited to their needs and outside constraints. Personality configurations may be abnormal, but their existence proves they have triumphed in the delicate task of successful adaptation. Life events contribute to the weaving of the delicate fabric that we call personality.
Mass Shooters: Mentally Ill or Show-off?
Mass shooters are typically young, white males who engage in mass shootings as a spectacle and a way to gain immortality and control. They often have a strong presence on social media and are driven by grandiosity, negative emotions, and perceived grievances. The psychology of mass shooters differs from that of terrorists, as they are not ideologically motivated. Preventing mass shootings requires threat assessment, intervention, and addressing the issue of gun control.