Nature vs. Nurture? BOTH
The distinction between nature and nurture is a false dichotomy, as genes are natural but constitute an internal environment that is reactive to the external environment. The activation of certain genes is passed on through generations, and the internal environment operates on aspects of the external environment, affecting it. The concept of nature is a romantic invention, and the dualism of man versus nature is universally acknowledged but false. Man is part of nature, and all species modify their environment and ecosystems. The false dichotomy reduces our ability to understand the interlocking mechanisms that shape us.
Narcissistic vs. Sadistic Supply
There are two types of supply that narcissists consume in order to regulate their internal environment: narcissistic and sadistic. Sadistic supply is a form of empowerment that caters to a highly specific type of grandiosity. Sadists are people who derive pleasure from the pain, discomfort, and humiliation of others. However, narcissists generally only seek narcissistic supply and are unlikely to engage in sadistic behaviors. Borderlines alternate between these two types of supply, depending on their self-state.
Separating-Individuating From Borderline Partner
Separating and individuating from a borderline partner is different from doing so from a narcissistic partner. The borderline partner outsources their mind to their intimate partner and expects them to regulate their emotions, moods, and stabilize them. The borderline partner regards their intimate partner as both a godlike figure and an abuser, leading to ambivalence and hate-love feelings. To separate from a borderline partner, one needs to silence their voice in their mind, reclaim their authentic voice, and help the borderline partner discover their authentic self. The process involves owning up to one’s contributions to the relationship, refusing to collaborate in the borderline’s shared fantasy, and helping the borderline partner to love themselves, become agentic, and choose life.
Individuation Last Phase Of Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the process of individuation after separating from a narcissist. He explains that the narcissist is a duality, making it difficult to separate and silence the narcissist’s voice in your head. The process of individuation involves silencing the narcissist’s voice, embodying your authentic voice, self-mothering, self-saving, and choosing life. It is about becoming a person with personhood and defining who you are without allowing anyone else to tell you who you are.
My War in Ukraine
Professor Sam Vaknin discusses his involvement in the war in Ukraine, including his resignation from a visiting professorship in Russia and his volunteering to help Ukraine with mental health treatment. He also criticizes Russia’s actions in the war and calls out conspiracy theorists who parrot Kremlin propaganda. Vaknin acknowledges the risks he faces for speaking out against Russia but believes it is important to do so. He concludes by calling on everyone to stand firm against evil and genocide.
Was Your Ex a Narcissist or a Psychopath?
Narcissists and psychopaths differ in their emotional investment in others and their goals. Narcissists are emotionally invested in shared fantasies, while psychopaths and malignant narcissists are not emotionally invested in anything or anyone. Psychopaths are goal-oriented and do not care about their careers, intellectual property, spouses, children, parents, community, public opinion, court system, law enforcement, or anything else. Narcissists love-ball, while psychopaths groom, and narcissists are liable to stalking and hoovering, while psychopaths just vanish.
How Narcissist Betrays YOU to Become Himself (Compilation)
Professor Sam Vaknin explains the narcissist’s shared fantasy, which is a space where they can re-experience their childhood trauma safely. The shared fantasy has multiple stages, including co-idealization, dual mothership, mental discard, and devaluation. The narcissist’s pursuit of betrayal in their relationships is not the same as a cuckold’s motivation, as the narcissist seeks to recreate the betrayal they experienced in childhood. The narcissist’s only meaningful relationships are within a shared fantastic space, which is highly addictive and generates stalking behaviors and virulent hatred. The narcissist uses a variant of this strategy in all intimate settings, for example, in friendships or interpersonal relations.
It Hurts to Move On, Healing is Painful
Professor Sam Vaknin warns that acts of self-love and healing are always painful and agonizing. Getting rid of toxic people, gaining insights into your shortcomings, confronting trauma and abuse, and investing hard work in introspection and therapy are arduous tasks that require suffering. There is no shortcut to healing, and people should be prepared to suffer before they can heal.
Snapshotting’s Role in Narcissist’s Shared Fantasy
Narcissists have two types of relationships: pseudo intimate relationships and shared fantasies. The narcissist snapshots their intimate partner, introjects them, idealizes the resultant internal object, and then coerces their partner into conforming to this inner representation of them. The narcissist does this in order to push their partner away and complete separation and individuation with the new maternal figure, the intimate partner. The partner’s reactions to this dehumanization and objectification can result in abandonment, triangulation with a third party, or succumbing and becoming a figment in the narcissist’s shared fantasy.
Narcissism Narrative Therapy ( Fix Your Narrative, Heal Yourself)
Narrative therapy is a form of psychotherapy that helps patients identify values and skills associated with them, and provides them with knowledge or ability to experience these values and exercise these skills in order to confront problems. The therapist encourages self-authorship and co-authoring a new narrative about themselves. Narrative therapy is closely associated with other therapies, such as collaborative therapy and person-centered therapy. The therapist and the client are perceived as having valuable information relevant to the process and they create together the content of the therapeutic conversation by imbuing it and suffusing it with this valuable information.