Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Predatory Women (Compilation 2 of 2)

1. 00:02 The other day I made a mistake of uploading a post about the narcissist’s mother and auntie mother.
2. 00:10 Immediately all the afficionados of fam fatals emerged from the woodwork
3. 00:16 insisting valuably viferously on further elaboration of the exact
4. 00:23 nature of the fatal. What is she capable of doing to the narcissist? what is a
5. 00:29 narcissist capable of doing to her and what both of them are capable to doing to you of doing to you. So today I’m
6. 00:37 going to make a brief note uh regarding the psychopathic n psychopathic female. Now the majority of psychopaths are male.
7. 00:49 We um have a diagnosis in the diagnostic and statistical manual antisocial
8. 00:55 personality disorder and at the extreme end of the spectrum we have psychopathy
9. 01:01 as measured by the PCL PCLR test
10. 01:07 designed by Robert Hair. So majority of people diagnosed with psychopathy or antisocial personality disorder are men. Only a small minority anywhere between one quarter and one/ird are women. That
11. 01:20 is as opposed to narcissistic personality disorder where women finally attained the long sought equality with
12. 01:28 men and now half of all narcissists are women. Still there is um tangible
13. 01:36 minority of psychopaths who are women. And to some extent they are
14. 01:42 distinguished. They are distinct. They’re not the same as male psychopaths. Whereas male psychopaths
15. 01:48 tend to be mostly what is known as factor one psychopaths, primary psychopaths. Female psychopaths
16. 01:56 tend to be secondary psychopaths, factor 2 psychopaths. In other words, they tend to be very strong on impulse or lack of
17. 02:03 impulse control. They’re very impulsive. They tend to be they tend to have emotion dysregulation which is
18. 02:09 reminiscent of borderline personality disorder. They are reckless. They are defined exactly like the primary
19. 02:15 narcissist. And in this sense they’re the same as um as the male um psychopath, but they are still distinct
20. 02:23 in the sense that um they have emotions. These emotions are overwhelming.
21. 02:30 They even have empathy and negative effects such as shame and guilt. So there is a there is a a serious
22. 02:37 difference between factor one and factor two psychopaths and women tend to concentrate in the latter. Still female
23. 02:45 psychopaths can definitely destroy your life. The psychopathic female creates a
24. 02:52 crazy making space. It is reminiscent or the equivalent of the narcissist shared
25. 03:00 fantasy. Within this crazy making space, she entertains, she lures into, baits
26. 03:08 into, and then enter entertains, incorporates, digests, assimilates people around her.
27. 03:15 This crazym space is a vortex. It’s a whirlpool into which the psychopathic
28. 03:22 female sucks in everinccreasing concentric circles everyone around her.
29. 03:29 She abuses people. But whereas the primary psychopath abuses people because
30. 03:36 of some goal. The primary psychopath is goal oriented. He wants sex. He wants money and so on. The um secondary psychopath mainly the female psychopath
31. 03:48 abuses people relationally in interpersonal relationships. And in this sense, the female psychopath is very reminiscent of the male
32. 03:59 narcissist. So she abuses people in interpersonal relationships, smear campaigns. She
33. 04:06 would cheat with your best friend or colleague or with with the spouses of best friends and colleagues. She
34. 04:13 manipulates people by flirting or by begging for pity and sympathy, casting men in rescuer savior roles. She charms, she beguiles always the long sought
35. 04:27 soulmate, the twin flame, perfect resonance and fit, the other longlost
36. 04:33 half. This is a role that female psychopaths play. The female psychopath sex is fantasy
37. 04:45 come true. Fantasy in the flesh. Again, in this sense, female psychopaths are very reminiscent
38. 04:52 of females with borderline personality disorder. Female psychopaths can even play the
39. 04:59 demure or shy um individual. They can bait and lure others by
40. 05:07 displaying ostentatiously, exhibiting their vulnerabilities and neediness.
41. 05:13 And in this sense, female psychopaths are very good at imitating codependence
42. 05:19 or female psychopaths can be extroverted and histrionic. And
43. 05:26 whatever role the female psychopath chooses, and yes, it can the female psychopath can switch between these
44. 05:32 roles because they’re not they they’re not reflective of her true character or true nature. These are just assumed um cosplays. So whichever role she chooses to play,
45. 05:44 the shy, vulnerable, fragile, brittle, in need of of protection, in need of help, damselled in distress on the one
46. 05:51 hand, or the extroverted, histrionic, sex bomb, sex pot, uh honey honey pot,
47. 06:00 uh, you know, trap or whatever, whichever role she somehow introduces into her fantasy, into her crazym space,
48. 06:11 Even the most reluctant, her chaos has what we know what we call in in chaos
49. 06:18 theory an attractor. She attracts people from without and from within.
50. 06:25 So a female psychopath is highly attractive not necessarily in the sexual
51. 06:32 sense but in the total sense. Her totality is inexurable,
52. 06:40 irresistible and luring and intoxicating
53. 06:47 and addictive and you don’t even know why. Because if you analyze each of the ingredients or each of the elements or each of the components separ separately, there’s nothing very special about the
54. 06:59 female psychopath. Sometimes she’s ugly, sometimes she’s stupid, sometimes she’s, you know, manly, sometimes very often the female psychopath is an
55. 07:12 amazing elomeration of deficiencies and deformities and and uh disadvantages
56. 07:20 and frailties and weaknesses and vulnerabilities and and you know, and yet when you put all of them together,
57. 07:27 they somehow constitute ute a source of energy. They somehow empower the female psychopath
58. 07:34 over you and you can’t help it. So this is if you find yourself in the
59. 07:41 orbit of a woman who exerts influence over you in ways
60. 07:48 which are a mystery, which you cannot decode, which you cannot understand, cannot comprehend, you’re very likely in
61. 07:54 the presence of a female psychopath, especially if she introduces into the relationship a lot of drama, a lot of
62. 08:02 acting out, a lot of crazym, a lot of unpredictability, uncertainty, indeterminacy,
63. 08:08 which is w with a with a tinge of menace, something ambiently threatening, something ill-fitting and and causes you
64. 08:20 to to be upset or unsettled or ill at ease. And this is the uncanny value reaction. The role of the crazymaking space, exactly like the shared fantasy of narcissism, is to provide an optimal
65. 08:33 environment for the expression of the psychopath’s grandiosity and sadism, as well as for the attainment of her goals. The goal of the female psychopath
66. 08:44 is no different to the goal of the male psychopath. Power. Money is power. Sex is power. Sex is having power over
67. 08:55 someone. And the psychopath sex is usually aggressive, sometimes violent, coercive in many cases. The narcissist sex is not coercive because the narcissist needs to feel
68. 09:07 irresistible. The psychopath sex is coercive because the psychopath needs to be in control, needs to own, needs to
69. 09:14 possess. The p power is power is the narcissistic supply of the psychopath.
70. 09:21 Power is the fuel that keeps the psychopath going. And so the female
71. 09:27 psychopath is no different. And whereas a narcissist shared fantasy um has several functions which are which have nothing to do with power. The narcissist shared fantasy is about re enacting or replaying uh conflict early
72. 09:44 childhood conflicts with parental figures especially the mother. The narcissist shed fantasy is about generating a paracosm within which the narcissist is godlike and therefore safe. It’s about safety and stability
73. 09:56 and so on. These are the functions of the shed fantasy in narcissism. The functions of the psycho psychopath
74. 10:03 shared fantasy. The psychopath’s crazy making space is about power. Chaos
75. 10:11 renders the psychopath the only island of stability. Chaos empowers the psychopath. Chaos
76. 10:20 makes the psychopath indispensable. the only form of protection and the only found of predictability and stability. So chaos is crucial. Um psychopaths create chaos in order to
77. 10:34 accumulate power and then rule over people and make them do their bidding.
78. 10:43 So this goal orientation is not absent in the female psychopath. the the female
79. 10:49 psychopath’s space, dramatic space is a theater set, a stage upon which she enacts her antisocial immorality play.
80. 11:00 Um um and in in the psychopath’s amorality play, there’s no good and evil. There’s no right and wrong. There’s only
81. 11:12 it works, it’s not working. It doesn’t work. So efficacy is the key. Whereas in
82. 11:19 a typical morality play, it’s good versus evil. It’s money. In the psychopath’s immorality play, the
83. 11:28 emphasis is on efficacy and attainment, goal attainment. So, but it has to be done in a way that
84. 11:36 would convert people or reduce people into actors in a theater production or a movie into two-dimensional NPCs in a
85. 11:47 video game. No. And the only way to accomplish this is to terrify people,
86. 11:54 destabilize them, threaten them to the point that they lose agency and come to
87. 12:01 rely on the psychopath. And of course, the narcissist to much
88. 12:07 more minimal extent uses the same technique with intermittent reinforcement. Okay. So there is this immorality play and everyone in this female psychopath’s
89. 12:19 life is a prop. A prop in the theater production and the play is about her.
90. 12:25 The play is about her antisocial impulses, the gratification of these impulses, the elevation and
91. 12:32 mythologizing of these impulses and so on. She renders she converts her
92. 12:38 psychopathy into an ideology. I would even say a religion within this dramatic
93. 12:45 space. It’s theater at the disposal and at the service of a private religion
94. 12:52 with everyone around her as a worshipper without remorse or guilt or shame or empathy. The female psychopath mercilessly and relentlessly meets out
95. 13:04 what she considers to be just desserts, what people deserve. She rewards people.
96. 13:10 She punishes people. She takes advantage of people if they are stupid enough to be taken advantage of, which is their
97. 13:16 fault. She is there to consume. She is the great consumer and people are
98. 13:24 raw materials. People are fed into the psycho the psychopathic device of the psychopathic machine. They’re processed. The female psychopath acts mechanically, fearlessly, impulsively, and with
99. 13:40 determination like some kind of inexurable automaton or juggernaut, a force of nature. In a way, culturally
100. 13:48 conditioned as we are to regard all women as weak and ineffectual, a feetat,
101. 13:55 well-meaning and maternal, but a feat to some extent stupid and incapable of
102. 14:01 attaining goals the way men men are. That’s a stereotype. And no, we haven’t got rid of it yet. It’s still prevalent. Look at the United States nowadays. So
103. 14:12 we are used to see women this way and the female psychopath uses this. She
104. 14:19 leverages this blind spot the our blindness our the stereotype
105. 14:25 that blind blinds us to the reality of femininity and and so on. And the female psychopath uses this against against us.
106. 14:34 And that renders her far more insidious, nefarious, pericious, subterranean, and
107. 14:40 dangerous than the male uh her male kin, her male brother, so to speak. The male
108. 14:47 psychopath is could be underhanded. The male psychopath could be a great thespian, great actor. the male psychopath could
109. 14:58 pretend to be pro-social and communal and and in this sense sometimes you don’t see the male psychopath coming but v but
110. 15:09 by virtue of being a male the the male psychopath
111. 15:15 is less dangerous than the female psychopath because our defenses are up. We we are we regard men as much more efficacious and therefore much more
112. 15:26 dangerous. So when whenever we come across a men someone with a the one set
113. 15:32 of genitalia we become more defensive, more protective, more alert, more hypervigilant, more suspicious
114. 15:39 and we tend to lower our guard and lose these defenses with a female. And the female psychopath knows it and she’s subtle. She’s passive
115. 15:50 aggressive. She’s surreptitious. She stealthily undermines the foundations rather than overtly bombard or siege the fortress of the citadel.
116. 16:01 The male psychopath thespian capacity is hampered by the male psychopath grandiosity. He feels humiliated by the very need to pretend and to act to manipulate and to
117. 16:12 supplicate. This female of the of the species, the female psychopath
118. 16:18 is not averse to any of this. She would cling. She would act needy.
119. 16:24 She would display her vulnerabil alleged ostensible vulner vulnerabilities. She
120. 16:30 would beg. She would beg. She would supplicate. She would demean and humiliate herself. She would do anything
121. 16:37 to capture you, to captivate you, to lasser you in, to put you on a leash, to
122. 16:45 and then to confine you to a cage in her zoo and to force you to play a role in a
123. 16:52 script of which she’s a sole producer and director.
124. 16:58 And uh in this act of authorship because she’s an otur she she creates something.
125. 17:05 It’s a it’s a creative act in this drama that she that she puts on on on her
126. 17:12 stage on her personal stage. You are an inert element in many ways.
127. 17:19 Even as a victim, even as a sufferer, um
128. 17:25 you are not perceived as someone who should have any grounds to complain. You
129. 17:32 don’t have any right to any grievance because to be a victim or a suffering
130. 17:38 entity, sufferer in the big theater of of the of the female psychopath is an
131. 17:46 honor. You should be grateful for the role allocated and assigned to you.
132. 17:53 Your suffering is meaningful and it is rendered meaningful by the presence especially presence of mind of the female psychopath. In this sense, the female psychopath is a religious cult
133. 18:05 leader and creates cults. But she will not hesitate to tear you
134. 18:12 apart to shreds, to annihilate and eliminate and eradicate and obliterate
135. 18:18 you and everything and everyone that’s dear to you. She will not think twice.
136. 18:24 There’s no hesitancy. She’s ruthless and callous and relentless to the extreme.
137. 18:30 You are foder cannon foder. You’re raw material. You’re nothing. You’re nobody.
138. 18:36 You’re non entity. And it is this impersonal nature of the
139. 18:43 female psychopath’s abuse that drives people insane. Drives them crazy. And
140. 18:49 they’re trying to make sense of the female psychopath. They can’t wrap their minds around the fact that as far as
141. 18:56 she’s concerned, people are numbers, statistics, um,
142. 19:02 minerals. She’s on she’s kind of on a on an extraction mission. She’s a she’s a
143. 19:10 minor in a mine and she extracts these minerals and and so on and then she
144. 19:16 molds them and shapes them and it’s
145. 19:22 again there is a strong artistic streak in this endeavor
146. 19:28 and the the female psychopath regards her victims the way a sculptor would
147. 19:35 regard a slab of marble. She sees the victimhood potential in them and then she chips at the marble until they become the perfect victims.
148. 19:46 Perfection matters to the female psychopath. And throughout this throughout this absolutely in insane
149. 19:55 um sequence of events, the female psychopath can and does experience
150. 20:01 empathy, flashes of empathy, overwhelming emotions, including including remorse, shame, and guilt.
151. 20:10 And yet they are somehow not actionable. They don’t drive her to action.
152. 20:16 It’s as if she’s experiencing these emotions vicariously by proxy or as if
153. 20:22 she’s watching them through a virtual reality goggles. It’s she she is
154. 20:28 experiencing the emotions but they’re not really hers. They’re simulated.
155. 20:34 They’re virtual. Yeah. So there is she is removed from her emotions. There is a
156. 20:40 remove there. there’s some distance between the female psychopath and her emotions or generally speaking between
157. 20:46 the secondary psychopath and his or her emotions. And it is this incapacity
158. 20:53 to convert emotions into attitudes and motivations. It is this incapacity that renders the female psychopath as dangerous as the
159. 21:04 male psychopath uh the primary psychopath. And whereas the primary psychopath’s
160. 21:10 motivations are usually money, sex, power, access, contacts, you name it,
161. 21:16 material goods, wealth, the motivations or the goals of the female secondary psychopath, typically secondary psychopath, her motivations, her goals are to express herself.
162. 21:32 And who are you? You’re the canvas. You’re the slab of marble. of the raw
163. 21:38 material to be molded and shaped in her artistic endeavor.
164. 21:44 She legitimizes her antisocial impulses,
165. 21:50 her psychopathic urges and drives. Freud would have said that there is an id with no super ego and to some extent no ego
166. 21:58 because the primary the the all all types all stripes of psychopaths are
167. 22:04 defiant and reckless. But it’s her quest is
168. 22:10 self-actualization. And it is unfortunate that the only way for her to self-actualize is to stage
169. 22:17 dramas that involve the suffering and victimization and annihilation and humiliation and disintegration of other people. It’s unfortunate. It’s the same way a serial killer, the only way for a serial killer
170. 22:34 to express himself is to kill people. Sadistic, the only way for the sadistic uh sexual predator to express himself is sadistic sex. And the only way for the pedophile to express himself is by
171. 22:46 having sex with children. It’s same with a with a secondary psychopath. Her only way to express herself is to victimize people, to sacrifice them. It’s a
172. 22:57 religion. She is the godhead or the goddess and human sacrifice is part of
173. 23:03 the religion and and you are the human part of the human sacrifice. Before you know it, your life and your health, a gun, your mind is traumatized beyond
174. 23:14 repair, exposed as you were to the self to the soft palritude of almost alien
175. 23:22 evil raified. Jordan Peterson got it right when he said that it is the encounter with evil that traumatizes.
176. 23:33 Not any objective reality, but the fact that you suddenly wake up to the realization
177. 23:39 that you have been embraced and you have made love to and you have shared your life with evil incarnated.
178. 24:24 No, they are completely different. Narcissistic women rarely have
179. 24:30 similar fetishes. They rarely consume pornography. Uh, for example,
180. 24:37 they also masturbate less frequently and differently. Narcyic women have uh narratives, erotic
181. 24:45 stories um which are grandio in nature. So they will become a famous actress and
182. 24:52 meet famous actor and then they will have sex in a yak in the Caribbean this
183. 24:58 kind of thing. So narcissistic women would be a lot more narrative, a lot more holistic. So they will not focus on
184. 25:05 a body part. For example, uh women, not only narcissistic women, have almost zero reaction to photos of penises.
185. 25:14 Almost don’t react to photos of penises. While narcissistic men, of course, have enormous men, sorry, have huge reactions to photos of vaginas. So, psychology is
186. 25:25 totally different. Women focus more on stories, narratives, context, evolution,
187. 25:31 development, and so on so forth within which sex takes part. It could be very uh violent sex like rape, which is 20% of the
188. 25:42 fantasies by the way. It could be less violent sex. It could could be grandio
189. 25:48 sex, Air Force One flying above this clouds or something. It could be kinky
190. 25:55 sex. Yes. But it has very little to do with the with the male view or the
191. 26:02 narcissistic male view. Narcissistic males would not recognize themselves in the fantasies of narcissistic women. Another thing that is uh with women
192. 26:14 narcissistic women’s fantasies is they are the mirror image of narcissistic men’s fantasies where the narcissistic
193. 26:20 men would want to experience his feminine side uh to be submissive to suspend his
194. 26:28 existence to let go to reduce anxiety by handing over control by surrendering.
195. 26:34 Narcissistic woman would have exactly the opposite. She would want to dominate. She would want to take
196. 26:40 control. She would want to to become the narcissist. So in a way they would swap swap roles. She would become the dominant tyrant
197. 26:51 controlling narcissistic disciplining sort of person and the narcissist would
198. 26:58 become the the female become the submissive. The of course this is all for 20 minutes. It is a narcissist who
199. 27:04 empowers the woman to become this. He gives her the power which allows him to
200. 27:10 be relaxed about it. He is not really giving up power. He’s just handing it temporarily to someone. But he is the
201. 27:17 one handing it. He’s still controlling the situation. The the narcissistic
202. 27:23 woman on the other hand who is entering the fantasy realizes that her control is temporary and so she tries to make the maximum out of it. Narcissistic women would be
203. 27:35 exceedingly dominating um even violent even aggressive.
204. 27:41 They the if they have fantasies connected with domination and so on, they will be violent fantasies which
205. 27:47 will involve expressed aggression or even use of firearms or knives or ropes
206. 27:54 or to hang or so they would they would involve death, they would involve injury, they would involve wounding. Um
207. 28:02 the nar uh so ironically it is narcissistic women
208. 28:09 who would cluster and gravitate in the more extreme uh uh poles of BDSM
209. 28:17 practices. So for example in the choking community majority of women not men few men
210. 28:24 actually do that but and they choke but majority of women who seek choking want
211. 28:30 to be choked majority of people who want to be choked I’m sorry are are women and
212. 28:36 u so in the choking community majority in vampivism majority are women that’s an
213. 28:44 extreme BDSM practice where people drink blood technic I mean literally each other’s blood. The majority are
214. 28:51 women there. Um even in practices like sheu the majority are actually women not men. Extreme practices we find classes
215. 29:03 of women. This is their chance to to experience things that are like male
216. 29:10 things or so they are the mirror image of the of the narcissist. But when we’re talking only about fantasy, not about practices, the fantasies would tend to be fantasies
217. 29:22 of submission but in grandio settings and within a story which narcissist
218. 29:29 doesn’t have. men doesn’t
219. 29:39 high functioning or productive or organized. Narcissists and psychopaths
220. 29:45 are simply narcissists and psychopaths who function well within social structures. They act pro-socially within
221. 29:51 teams and leverage other people to obtain goals successfully and in the
222. 29:57 long run. Um, ironically, these narcissists would be
223. 30:04 the most extreme when it comes to fantasies and unusual uncommon sexual practices. So, it is among this group
224. 30:11 that you will find most extreme BDSM fantasies, most extreme submissive practices, dominant practices,
225. 30:19 uh most extreme uncommon sexual behavior, um for example, swinging or group sex. So all these unusual sexual practices which in the general population are let’s say 3%
226. 30:35 among these people would be 50%. Literally all of them engage in these kind of activities. And you asked me once if I if I think that all the sexuality of narcissists
227. 30:48 and and psychopaths is deviant or perverted. And I said I don’t agree with these these words and I don’t. But you
228. 30:54 can use words like uncommon unusual statistically speaking. So among this group um the most uncommon and unusual behavior statistically in the general population are the most common and usual activities for these people. So they
229. 31:10 compensate because for them to be high functioning, productive and organized they must deny
230. 31:16 their nature. Their nature is not high functioning. They hate people. They don’t want to work with people. They
231. 31:23 they are they are aggressive but they can’t show their aggression. They have to think long term but they want
232. 31:29 everything now. They they they don’t have impulse control. So they must deny their nature and the only place where
233. 31:37 they can show their true nature safely and without repercussions is in their sexuality. So it is the the the the
234. 31:44 nature reserve. You know the rest of a country is full of city cities but you have a small place with two antelopes and one elephant. That’s the sexuality of the high functioning narcissist. It
235. 31:55 is there that he is himself. No impulse control, total aggression, defiance, uh
236. 32:02 dominance, uh dominant submission plays, uh humiliation,
237. 32:09 anonymous sex, impersonal sex, you know, there he’s he’s like coming coming alive. Then he finishes the sexual part
238. 32:17 and he goes back to life. And in life he has to talk to people, has to convince them, has to argue, has to plan
239. 32:24 longterm, has to wait, has to all these things he hates. He hates his life. The
240. 32:30 high functioning productive narcissist hates his life. He may love the outcomes of his life. So he loves the big yaks
241. 32:37 and he loves the big salary and he loves the deals that he succeeds to conclude. But he hates the road. He hates the path
242. 32:44 to this. So the more his life is organized and productive, the more extreme his sexual behavior and the more time it consumes extreme and consumes time. Ultimately he
243. 32:56 loses the balance and he begins to spend most of his time in extreme sexual
244. 33:02 activity and that’s where they fall. That’s where they are discovered with prostitutes, with escorts, with homosexual boys, with you know that’s that’s time of the fall and many of them
245. 33:12 fall on sexual issues. I mean they discovered in sexual indiscretions and picadillos and and that’s how they end
246. 33:19 up. Good day everyone. Following my series on the mind of the borderline woman, the psychology of the
247. 33:30 borderline woman. Um three parts may I remind you recently and another part on
248. 33:36 the borderline histrionic voices. You can look them up by using the search
249. 33:42 box in on my YouTube channel. So these four videos put together generated a
250. 33:49 storm of questions and having gone through the questions I
251. 33:55 isolated the most frequently asked questions and they fall into three broad groups. The first group is about
252. 34:02 splitting. The second group is about uh self-destructive behaviors and the third
253. 34:08 group is about alcohol and substance abuse. So let’s take them one by one.
254. 34:15 Start with splitting. Many people wrote to educate me that I was wrong. U the
255. 34:21 borderline woman’s behavior has to do with idealization and devaluation not
256. 34:27 with splitting. Well, actually idealization devaluation is the behavioral manifestation of splitting. Idealization devaluation is like the car
257. 34:38 and splitting is like the engine. Splitting is an infantile primitive
258. 34:45 defense mechanism. It’s usually operates in children up to
259. 34:51 the age of 2 years. And it has to do with a child’s inability to integrate the bad aspects of mother. For example, if she’s absent,
260. 35:03 if she’s withholding, if she’s selfish, she’s narcissistic. And the good aspects
261. 35:09 of mother, if she is nourishing, if she is nurturing, she’s loving, she’s caring. The child cannot create a single
262. 35:16 image of mother, an imo, a single inner representation of mother, which would
263. 35:23 incorporate both aspects, the good and the bad. So what the child does, he
264. 35:29 splits these aspects. There’s an all bad mother and an all good mother or as Melanie Klene illustriously called it, the book Good Breast and the bad breast.
265. 35:40 Sorry for the pornographic illusion. And so when the child fails to integrate these aspects of mother, what he does, he essentially attributes the bad aspects of mother to himself or to herself and then mother remains all
266. 35:56 good. So there’s an all good object which is mother and then all bad objects for a while which is the child. Gradually, as the child matures and grows up, he begins to integrate these
267. 36:07 features and he begins to have a more nuanced um more gray area picture of
268. 36:14 mother. He doesn’t anymore divide the world into black and white, good and bad, right and wrong, with me or against
269. 36:21 me, threatening or promising, evil and and good. He begins to see the world as
270. 36:28 it is, shades of gray, much more than 50. So this is splitting. Some people get stuck at this stage of
271. 36:39 personal development. They don’t progress. They are unable to integrate.
272. 36:45 And for the rest of their lives, even as adults, they split. When they come
273. 36:51 across someone and especially a significant other, someone they get attached to, someone they bond with,
274. 36:57 someone they fall in love with or develop emotions towards. When they have such a person in their lives, he takes
275. 37:04 the place of mother. And so the borderline woman and the narcissistic
276. 37:10 men, by the way, narcissists and border, they still maintain the primitive infantile defense mechanism of splitting. They are unable to see the
277. 37:21 other um as um very complex, multifaceted,
278. 37:27 multi-dimensional being or creature. They tend to idealize the other and then
279. 37:34 he can do no wrong. He is perfect. He is brilliant. He is all good. He never
280. 37:40 makes mistakes. In infallible, etc., etc. Or they devalue the other. So
281. 37:46 idealize or devalue. And when they devalue the other, it’s exactly the opposite. It’s a dark figure. It’s all
282. 37:52 bad. It’s a prosecutory object. The person can do no right. No good deed
283. 37:58 goes unpunished. there’s anticipation of hurt and pain uh which would emanate from this extremely evil figure. And so the borderline woman
284. 38:12 pendulates fluctuates between these two poles. If she has a lover or a spouse or
285. 38:19 an intimate partner with her own children, even with colleagues at work,
286. 38:25 one day she would idealize and the next day or sometimes the next minute she
287. 38:32 devalues. The transition between idealization and devaluation sometimes has to do with
288. 38:39 external factors known as triggers but sometimes has to do with inner
289. 38:46 processes for example modability. So sometimes people around the
290. 38:52 borderline or the narcissist they are shocked by the sudden transition. It’s
291. 38:59 very reminiscent of switching between alters between alternative personalities
292. 39:05 in dissociative identity disorder in multiple personality disorder. And this is the reason many scholars actually
293. 39:12 think that borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder are subspecies. There are
294. 39:18 variance of multiple personality disorder of dissociative identity disorder because the switching between
295. 39:25 self states is so abrupt, so unbelievable and the change in
296. 39:32 personality and behavior is so marked uh in some cases not always but in some
297. 39:39 cases and the change in mood and so on that it’s like another person took over, another personality took over. So
298. 39:46 idealization and evaluation are actually um fueled by by splitting. But while the
299. 39:53 narcissist idealize and devalues because of lack of narcissistic supply or
300. 40:01 abundance of narcissistic supply. So if if the narcissist has a source of narcissistic supply and this source is a
301. 40:08 reliable predictable source and gives the narcissist highquality high octane narcissistic supply, the narcissist would idealize that source would idealize that person. Person who
302. 40:20 agulates the narcissist, admires the narcissist, applauds, follows the narcissist everywhere, says that the
303. 40:26 narcissist can do no wrong is perfection is the best thing since sliced bread. Well, the narcissist would tend to
304. 40:33 idealize such a person. And then if there’s another person and that person is critical, disagrees with the
305. 40:39 narcissist or doesn’t give the narcissist the narcissistic supply that he seeks, refuses to be coerced or
306. 40:46 shoehorned into the role of a supply source, insists to maintain an autonomous and independent existence,
307. 40:54 has her own priorities, needs, preferences, and so on, maintains independent activities, etc., etc. If
308. 41:01 she refuses to become an extension of the narcissist, then the narcissist would devalue her. In the case of the
309. 41:07 borderline, devaluation and idealization do not depend on narcissistic supply, although the borderline does have a false self. In the case of the borderline, idealization and devaluation
310. 41:19 has to do with hypervigilance. As the narcissist scans all the time for
311. 41:27 narcissistic injuries, he when the narcissist sees other people, he scans them. Are they going to insult me? Are
312. 41:34 they going to humiliate me? Are they are they going to criticize me? Are they going to disagree with me? Are they going to slight me? And he anticipates
313. 41:40 this. And and this creates anxiety. And to reduce the anxiety, he engages in narcissistic rage. So narcissist has
314. 41:46 hypervigilance but it’s again directed at narcissistic supply and the
315. 41:52 maintenance of grandiosity with the borderline hypervigilance
316. 41:58 has to do with abandonment and rejection. So the borderline scans other
317. 42:04 people and the scanning has to do with are they going to abandon me or is he
318. 42:10 going to abandon me? Is he going to reject me? Doesn’t he love me anymore? Doesn’t he
319. 42:16 like me anymore? Is he avoiding my company? So these are these are the
320. 42:22 scanning operations that take place in the borderline’s mind in her brain. And whenever she anticipates rejection and abandonment, she instantly devalues.
321. 42:34 And after she devalues, she preemptively abandons and rejects the anticipated
322. 42:41 source of pain and hurt. Because there’s nothing more painful to the borderline
323. 42:47 woman than being rejected and abandoned in every which way, by the way, sexually, emotionally, and so on. Now, I
324. 42:55 hope I clarified this part of this. Now, let’s talk about self harm. I was asked if cutting and selfmutilation, physical cutting and selfmutilation are uh
325. 43:06 ineluctable an ineluctible and integral part of borderline personality disorder whether all border lines do it. Well,
326. 43:12 the answer is of course no. There are many border lines who do not self mutilate, do not self harm, do not cut
327. 43:21 and even there are quite a few border lines who have no suicidal ideiation and do not attempt suicide. So this is only
328. 43:28 one of a few nine diagnostic criteria in the DSM edition 4. These criteria
329. 43:36 criteria were largely preserved in the DSM5. Although the DSM5 diagnostic and
330. 43:42 statistical manual edition 5 published in 2013. This edition already proposes an
331. 43:48 alternative alternate model for borderline personality disorder which we will not discuss right now. So not all
332. 43:55 border lines cut and mutilate but I would say that all border lines are self-destructive and maybe in this in this way of looking at things all border lines do self harm
333. 44:09 there are many ways to self-destruct and I will mention just three of them three of dozens by the way border lines are
334. 44:15 very creative and very in inventive in engineering situations and placing themselves in predicaments and conundrums which lead to utter self annihilation. It’s an manifestation of
335. 44:28 self-hatreds, self-punishment and self-perception as a bad object. The borderline internalized introjects
336. 44:35 internalized voices which had told her when she was a child that she’s bad,
337. 44:41 she’s unworthy, she’s defective, she’s dysfunctional, she deserves love only if she performs. And in this sense, the
338. 44:49 object relations background of border lines is pretty pretty similar to the object relations landscape of narcissist. In other words, they both go the same developmental trajectory through the same path. Uh only as Gstein
339. 45:08 noted, border lines are failed narcissists. So border lines attempt to be narcissist with their children. they
340. 45:14 fail and so they become borderline. I dealt with it in another in another video and I of course advise you to to
341. 45:21 see it because it gives me more views and narcissistic supply. Now uh I
342. 45:27 promise to describe three ways uh in which the borderline um is is
343. 45:33 self-destructive without cutting, without physical mutilation, without anything. There are many ways to self
344. 45:39 harm. For example, one way is self trashing via sex.
345. 45:45 So the borderline would tend to choose frankly scum and I don’t know junkies, exconorn,
346. 45:52 convicts, u you know, serial killers. She’s the borderline has a radar for
347. 45:58 these kind of people. And she would tend to choose scum. And then she would engineer a situation where she’s for
348. 46:05 example totally drunk and then she would give him the sex of his life. She would she would uh she would realize all these
349. 46:12 fantasies, engage in extremely kinky and even sort of mazoistic sex and very
350. 46:19 often dangerous and unprotected sex. That’s that’s a way to self harm. It’s self trashing. It’s a way to humiliate herself to uh damage her sense of
351. 46:31 selfworth to punish herself because she’s very angry at herself when the borderline anticipates rejection or abandonment. Not to mention when the borderline is really rejected and
352. 46:41 abandoned because this does happen, you know. So when this happens to the borderline, she’s very angry at herself.
353. 46:48 She’s furious that she had let herself trust that she led herself to yet
354. 46:55 another emotional interpersonal trap of a relationship because she knows she is
355. 47:02 a bad unworthy object. She could have anticipated, she could have predicted that she will be abandoned and rejected
356. 47:08 because who would want her? So why put herself in this situation? Why does she keep falling in love with men who reject
357. 47:15 and abuse and humiliate her? And she’s very angry at herself. And one way to punish yourself is via this kind of sex,
358. 47:24 a sexual unprotected adventure with, you know, inappropriate partners in very
359. 47:30 dangerous settings where she fulfills fantasies which are degrading and humiliating and very often painful and physically dangerous. It’s an example. Another example is of course reckless
360. 47:42 behavior. the I mentioned unprotected sex but I don’t know the borderline can suddenly
361. 47:48 um go on a on a shopping spree and and burn through her savings all of her
362. 47:54 savings in one one evening or she can drive a car in a way which would guarantee drive under the influence or
363. 48:00 something way that would guarantee an accident or she can gamble enter a casino and you know leave uh leave the
364. 48:08 casino with with nothing to her name and the numerous reckless behavior shopping,
365. 48:14 gambling, this that. So this is another way of damaging the self. It’s it’s
366. 48:20 another way of selfharming. And then there’s of course what we call reactance. Reactance is much more
367. 48:26 typical of psychopaths. But as we said in another video, today we are beginning to reconceive of borderline personality
368. 48:33 disorder as psychopathy for females. And so um borderline women with borderline
369. 48:40 personality disorder when they are subjected or exposed to possible rejection, humiliation, abuse and and
370. 48:47 abandonment, they become they they they develop a kind of psychopathic overlay. They become psychopaths. And one of the
371. 48:54 things the psychopaths do, they’re defined. They become reactive. They are defined. They lose impulse control. They
372. 49:02 can’t control their impulses. They become very defined, very aggressive and very antisocial which of course brings
373. 49:08 upon the borderline the wrath of society. Sometimes the wrath of peers
374. 49:15 for example peer judgment but or or she gets fired from her job but sometimes
375. 49:21 she she gets in trouble with the law and the agents of society the enforcement agents of society end up punishing her.
376. 49:28 And that’s another example of selfharming that doesn’t involve anything physical. Doesn’t involve cutting or burning or any of the other million ways that border lines self
377. 49:39 mutilate. And finally, there’s a question of of uh substance abuse. Substance abuse is a is
378. 49:46 a complex very complex issue. There’s alcoholism, for example, mimics narcissism. In alcoholism, we have something called alcohol myopia, which which which is
379. 49:58 actually the alcoholic’s grandiosity provoked by the alcohol. And for a after
380. 50:05 a certain amount of ingestion, after some of them embibing a certain level of alcohol, alcohol blood level climbs to a
381. 50:13 certain point, the alcoholic person become the the drunk becomes very grandiose. We all know that, but we all we all witnessed. And um not only he becomes grandiose but he develops very
382. 50:25 pronounced uh traits and behaviors which are typical of narcissists and more precisely malignant narcissists,
383. 50:31 psychopathic narcissists. So, it’s very difficult to tell where the effects of the substance begin and the effects of
384. 50:39 the personality um give way and where it’s a mixture or
385. 50:45 where it’s actually the personality using or leveraging the substance as as an alibi or as an excuse.
386. 50:53 Um and so we know that in the case of the borderline woman
387. 50:59 uh when she decompensates when her defense mechanisms are down and she is
388. 51:05 no longer able to separate herself from reality by for example reframing reality. So when she gets in direct touch with reality without the benefit of the firewall without the benefit of
389. 51:17 defense mechanisms which allow her to alter reality so that it becomes palatable. So when she gets in touch with reality without defense mechanisms she acts out. She decompensates and acts
390. 51:28 out. Now acting out very often in the case of the borderline uh woman
391. 51:35 borderline personality involves substance abuse. So one of the first steps that a woman would do, she would
392. 51:41 get drunk or she would get stoned on weed or she would consume other you know
393. 51:47 illicit substances. And the reason she does this because she needs to obtain
394. 51:53 several effects simultaneously. Remember that the motivation
395. 51:59 of a borderline woman after she had been rejected or humiliated or abused or abandoned or after she had anticipated such things such behavior on the part of
396. 52:10 her intimate partner. So her main motivation is to escape to flee the
397. 52:16 source of frustration and pain. So she splits she devalues her intimate partner. He
398. 52:23 becomes a villain. He becomes Darth Vader. He becomes an enemy. He becomes a
399. 52:29 hate figure. He becomes a persecutoary object. She splits. Then she leaves him
400. 52:35 physically so that he’s out of sight, out of mind, object in constancy. But all this is done in order to palate in order for her to to for her to forget a
401. 52:46 pain and also in order to punish him. These are two motivations. The main
402. 52:52 motivation is to avo is pain aversion. It’s to avoid the pain. But there’s a secondary small motivation of of hurting
403. 52:59 hurting her intimate partner the way he had hurt her. It’s kind of retribution
404. 53:05 or settling of the accounts. And so to do this she needs to act egregiously.
405. 53:12 So, for example, she needs to sleep with a stranger or she needs to get so drunk that she causes damage to property or she needs to do something to make her intimate partner lose his job. I mean,
406. 53:24 she needs to do something really bad, seriously bad. She needs to misbehave in a way that is utterly destructive to the
407. 53:32 relationship, irrevocably. She needs to finish the relationship once and for all because it had become a source of agony that she can no longer tolerate. unbearable. So to do all this uh she
408. 53:47 needs to disinhibit. She needs to lose her inhibitions. She needs to reach a point where she no longer cares no longer cares what is what she’s doing.
409. 53:58 And in the case of sex for example if her decision is to have sex with a with a third party a stranger she picks up in
410. 54:05 a bar or something restaurant. So she would also need alcohol’s effects on
411. 54:11 perceptions of attractiveness. So beer beer goles goggles. She she would need to drink so much alcohol that an unattractive man would look attractive. And today we know that
412. 54:22 alcohol affects the brain’s perception of symmetry in faces and attractiveness of other people also. So it’s founded on on neuroscience. It’s not an imagined effect. Alcoh alcohol does influence us
413. 54:35 in a way that we perceive people of the opposite sex if we are heterosexual as
414. 54:41 attractive as more attractive than they than we would find them without her. So she needs this too. She needs this
415. 54:47 inhibition. She needs to feel that the potential target let’s call him uh is attractive and then she needs to to become grandiose. She needs to mis
416. 54:58 evaluate eval appraise appraise inappropriately risk. She needs to have a risk misperception so that she can allow herself to enter reckless risky
417. 55:09 dangerous even situations without fear. This is alcohol myopia aforementioned. And then she needs to develop uh fake fake intimacy. Now fake intimacy could be with a man with a man. I mean she picks up a stranger. So it needs to be with a man. So the alcohol helps to
418. 55:25 create this feeling of growing empathy, support, attentiveness, caring, affection, comfort, compassion,
419. 55:33 etc., etc. All of them utterly fake because they are founded on the alcohol’s impulse. But still they are
420. 55:41 felt this way, they are perceived this way. And even though they are results, even though they are, you know, fake,
421. 55:48 they are they they make do. I mean, they they work. And so she she feels growing
422. 55:56 um growing closeness. And we know that alcohol uh changes
423. 56:02 empathy has effects on empathy. Alcohol ironically makes us more empathic towards strangers than towards people we
424. 56:09 love. So it fulfills this effect as well. Now when I say intimacy, when I say empathy etc. It doesn’t have to be
425. 56:16 uh with a stranger with whom she’s about to have sex. If she goes shopping, she wants to have she wants to feel good.
426. 56:23 She wants to feel warm. She wants to feel accepted by the saleswoman or the salesman. If she I don’t know if she if she is going to gamble, she goes to gamble in a casino. She wants to feel accepted and wanted, desired, what have you by the casino stuff. So by the by the or by the
427. 56:42 so it’s it’s a general feeling of warmth general feeling of acceptance general
428. 56:49 feeling of I am a part of the world the world wants me the world desired me I’m
429. 56:55 finally integrated alcohol has this effect I’m mentioning alcohol by the way but weed has some of these effects
430. 57:04 ecstasy has some MDMA has some of these effects and I mean they’re quite a few drugs that have some of these effects. Cocaine of course increases enhances grandiosity.
431. 57:16 And then finally and perhaps the most important function of such of this initial phase of misbehavior which is the phase of substance abuse. It’s almost I mean it happens in like nine out of 10 cases. In nine out of 10 10
432. 57:31 cases when the borderline feels rejected, abandoned, humiliated and and about to be abused by her intimate
433. 57:39 partner or when she is actually she the first thing uh she does she resorts or
434. 57:46 reverts to some addictive behavior. Now in the majority of cases the addictive behavior has to do with a substance. By the way, when I say substance, doesn’t have to be an illicit substance. For example, overeating is
435. 57:58 such a thing because food is a substance. So, it’s an example of substance abuse in a way. So, now we
436. 58:06 come to the last thing. When she consumes alcohol or drugs, she can
437. 58:12 engage in misattribution. She can attribute her misbehavior and her dissociation to the drug. So, she would say, “Yes, I had sex, but I don’t remember anything about it because I was drunk.” Or, “I had sex because I was drunk. I didn’t
438. 58:29 mean to, but I was drunk.” Or, “I crashed I crashed your your your expensive car because, you know, I was
439. 58:36 drunk.” So, I didn’t mean to get drunk. It just happened. There was a lot of
440. 58:42 company there, and it was fun. It was nice and I was in such pain and I was so depressed and I drank I didn’t even
441. 58:48 count how many you know glasses I had. I mean and so at the end I got I got
442. 58:54 wasted. So it’s like a passive voice. The borderline would would become the
443. 59:00 passive recipient or the passive um receptacle of the alcohol. It’s the alcohol that did everything. The alcohol is the active agent. She transfers agency. She is no longer
444. 59:13 self-efficacious. She doesn’t act upon the world. The world acts upon her. And this is of
445. 59:19 course as many of you know an example of an external locus of control.
446. 59:25 And so she most the many borderline women when they engage in sex they go
447. 59:32 through dissociation. They at the minimum they depersonalize. They feel that they are on autopilot.
448. 59:39 They feel that they are observing themselves in some kind of movie where they are you know an actress going
449. 59:46 through the motions of sex. So they depersonalize also some of them derealize. They feel that the whole
450. 59:52 thing is unreal as I said like a movie or like a nightmare or it’s about to end or they don’t know how they found themselves in this situation. And in the most extreme cases we have dissociative amnesia. um they they cut off they completely forget the whole sex scenes and the
451. 60:09 sexual partner sometimes minutes after the sex and so they would be in in great
452. 60:15 pains or difficulties to explain what had happened what had actually happened because they keep saying I had a
453. 60:21 blackout and of course they would attribute it to the alcohol they would say the alcohol gave me a blackout I drank too much they won’t admit that it’s part of their pathology that the
454. 60:31 dissociation is there to protect them against ecodestiny that they feel shame that they feel guilt that they know they
455. 60:38 had misbehaved and and they they don’t know how to make up for it because they also realized that they had reacted
456. 60:45 disproportionately and that in some of the cases it was all the trigger was all imaginary was all in their heads. They were not about to be rejected. They were not being abandoned. They were not being
457. 60:56 abused. Their intimate partner had to go to a business meeting or had to go on a business trip. This is not something
458. 61:03 against them. It’s his lack of a availability was not because he didn’t want to see them anymore or didn’t like
459. 61:09 them anymore, didn’t love them anymore, but because he had to. And so postf facto after the acting out, after
460. 61:16 the compensation, the borderline goes through a horrible phase where she realizes what she had done. And in many
461. 61:23 many cases she had she loses the partner the intimate partner the very intimate partner that she was so uh terrified to
462. 61:31 lose. She brings about her own abandonment the very abandonment and rejection that she was so terrified of
463. 61:38 and she can’t cope with this and this leads to another cycle of decompensation and acting out. And of course she
464. 61:45 immediately finds a substitute. Even the same night she finds a substitute and even the casual the partner of casual
465. 61:53 sex becomes a substitute. She cects she invests emotional energy in in a new
466. 62:01 intimate partner even if it’s a short-term intimate partner for a few hours. But she needs to protect that intimate partner in order not to feel the
467. 62:12 self-inflicted harm and damage that she had lost her previous partner unnecessarily. There was no cause for it and she had damaged herself beyond measure. And so to compensate for that
468. 62:24 she falls in love so to speak. She she’s becomes emotionally attached and invested and bonded even if it’s someone
469. 62:31 she sees only for a few hours. Even if it’s someone who is just a partner for casual sex, she needs this kind of
470. 62:38 substitution or replacement of the previous primary intimate object. And so generally speaking, we we know from
471. 62:50 studies that alcohol serves several psychological functions and purposes
472. 62:56 quite effectively. Uh and this is why alcoholism is so intractable. It’s difficult to get rid
473. 63:02 of. So it’s it’s difficult to treat the recidivism rate after one year in of
474. 63:08 rehab. That means if someone goes to rehab, spends 3 months inatient rehab and and then leaves rehab uh and even if he has a support network in place, the recidivism rate is enormous. Almost 80% of people who go through rehab relapse within the first year. This alcohol
475. 63:26 alcohol works. it it provides solutions for much needed inner conflicts and
476. 63:32 dissonances and problems and uh I’m sorry the the rate is 60% not
477. 63:38 80 and so the first function of of alcohol is paliotative it helps the
478. 63:44 alcoholic person to cope with dissolence frustration anxiety anger stress sadness
479. 63:50 panic and other negative emotions or mood disorders and of course in the case of a borderline there’s only negative
480. 63:56 emotions and mood disorders ers. This is her personality. There’s nothing else there. She’s totally disregulated,
481. 64:02 chaotic, and her personality is diffuse and disorganized. Even her identity is diffused. And then the second function of of alcohol is restorative. It helps the alcoholic to restore his or her
482. 64:14 self-confidence and self-esteem also as a man, also as a woman, especially when
483. 64:20 coupled with a body image issue. So if if the person has a body image issue, the alcohol helps to solve this. As I
484. 64:26 mentioned before, alcohol, for example, distorts our perception of symmetry in others. And so we are attracted to them,
485. 64:33 but we very often interpret our attraction to them as their attraction to us. We kind of project and of course
486. 64:40 border lines project all the time everything onto others. And then there’s the issue of disinhibition. I mentioned alcohol is disinhibitory. By lowering inhibitions, alcohol legitimizes
487. 64:52 narcissistic traits and behaviors like a lack of empathy, extreme selfishness, or a sense of entitlement. The alcohol did it. The alcohol made me like this. I have an alcohol, alcoholic personality,
488. 65:04 addictive personality, which comes out when I drink, but otherwise I’m a nice guy, a nice girl, you know, I’m okay.
489. 65:11 Alcohol allows the alcoholic to express his or her repressed promiscuity, for example, or aggression, traits that he
490. 65:18 or she find egoistonic, traits that she or he dislike uh dislikes in in themsel dislike in themselves, traits that they find denigrating or unacceptable. Alcohol
491. 65:30 renders the alcoholic much more sociable, much more grandiose, much more sociopathic. The alcoholic becomes
492. 65:38 vulnerably defined. For example, hates authority figures, feels in control or in charge of others. And um also in
493. 65:46 charge of the situation there is a kind of omnipotence omnipotence aura like I’m
494. 65:52 leave it to me. I’m in control. Everything will be okay. Nothing bad will ever happen to me. There’s immunity kind of personal immunity.
495. 65:59 The alcohol makes people believe that they are capable of anything, anything that
496. 66:05 they set their minds to. Um, they can become suddenly irresistibly attractive,
497. 66:11 charming or charismatic and unfettered by rules or social mores. I can do whatever the hell I whatever the hell I
498. 66:17 want to. No one will tell me what to do. I’m independent. As a result of all these cognitive and emotional changes,
499. 66:23 the drunk person engages in reckless behaviors like unprotected sex with a stranger or compulsive shopping, compulsive gambling. And finally, there’s an instrumental aspect to alcohol. It allows the alcoholic to accomplish goals. Alcohol alcoholic
500. 66:36 becomes psychopathic, becomes goal oriented. Goals that he would never countenance or consider or try when he
501. 66:42 is sober. Put all of these together and this is an irresistible package for someone so distraught and so disharmonic
502. 66:52 and so uh disorganized and chaotic such as the borderline especially in situations of extreme stress with perceived abandonment and rejection.
503. 67:06 The narcissist has a mother, but the narcissist also has an anti-mother.
504. 67:14 You see, the narcissist wanders a netherworld. The narcissist is suspended between apotheiois and doom.
505. 67:25 He is forever in quest of a redeemer, an absolver, a rescuer, an unadulterated savior.
506. 67:36 And this especially applies to male heterosexual narcissists. But all narcissists are like that. Male and female, heterosexual and homosexual. They’re all looking for the perfect
507. 67:49 flawless partner. In the case of the heterosexual narcissist, the flawless woman, the Madona, who will wave the
508. 67:57 magic wand of her unmitigated and unsullied devotion, and this way will
509. 68:03 actualize the narcissist’s fantasy. But the narcissist is entitled.
510. 68:10 The fruits of hard labor are common, and he is anything but common. He is a
511. 68:17 wondrous being immersed in miracles. So the narcissist woman, his woman, his
512. 68:24 property, she’s never a true partner. But the narcissist woman is there to
513. 68:30 smooth his way to stardom with her sizzless toil, influential contacts, and
514. 68:37 monetary wellspring. She operates behind the scenes like some kind of Santa Claus with a f of everlasting Christmas presents.
515. 68:50 But uh above all the narcissist partner, this woman is there to coset, to soothe,
516. 68:58 to shield the narcissist from foes external and internal. Together the crucified narcissist in her lap, a sympala, a mother to share his allwing grief.
517. 69:13 And she bestows on upon the narcissist, bestows upon him some forgiveness,
518. 69:20 acceptance, absolution and salvation, a second chance infinitely over the
519. 69:27 promise of ascendance and transcendence to the very source of all supply. She’s an angel, you see. She’s pure, incorporeal, sexless, and ethereal, a revelation on
520. 69:41 his road. When ineluctably she fails to meet these
521. 69:47 irreconcilable and outlandish expectations, the narcissist bubble universe hissingly deflates.
522. 69:55 He lashes out at her the way a frustrated toddler assails a withholding mother. Her miscarriage of her tasks is now deemed malevolent and she is thus
523. 70:07 rendered his enemy. He becomes snipingly vengeful and sadistically punitive.
524. 70:15 And she she withers. She withers in his heat.
525. 70:21 He sucks her dry until she crumbles dust to dust.
526. 70:28 Having been rejected by his self assigned maternal figure, the narcissist then resorts to an anti-mother. The anti-mother, the the gold
527. 70:39 digger, the famakal, she, this kind of woman guarantees his self-destruction. He is leveraging her to penalize himself for having yet again
528. 70:50 failed to choose the right mother. With this self-defeating mate selection,
529. 70:58 the narcissist also assimilates his own perceived spurning and validates it.
530. 71:04 Since mother is always right and I’m always bad, says the narcissist internalized bad object. Of course,
531. 71:15 the more decrepit, the more corrupt, the more decadent, the more evil, the more antisocial, more psychopathic the partner, the more the narcissist feels that he deserves her, that he has
532. 71:33 reached the inevitable point of his own demise and disintegration and decay. By
533. 71:40 misbehaving, the narcissist upholds his self- assigned role of evil rogue in the
534. 71:47 morality play that is his sole existence. And this dark production is also fantastic, is equally grandio. You see, going down in flames into the
535. 71:58 twilight of the go the gods, the narcissist becomes a martyr betrayed.
536. 72:04 Having been purified by fire, the narcissist is ready to recommence this
537. 72:10 ever everlasting neverending cycle. And the narcissist again looks for a
538. 72:18 maternal figure. Again looks for a redeemer, an absolver, a rescuer, an
539. 72:25 unadulter unadulterated se savior. The narcissist again
540. 72:32 wants to latch on to the magic and enchantment of this woman who this time
541. 72:40 will make it all come true, will realize the fantasy and will allow him to live
542. 72:47 happily ever after without her. Of course.