Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video.
- 00:00 the narcissist victim on a first meeting immediately reacts with highly
- 00:08 disconcerting negative impressions then owing to her his or her
- 00:14 neediness she represses and denies these negative impressions she self
- 00:20 selfdecees deceives herself by creating self-conjured imaginary fantastic
- 00:28 counterfactual not grounded in reality unrealistic positive impressions about
- 00:34 the narcissist to put it differently she idealizes the narcissist and then continues to interact with the idealized object inside her mind and that is the
- 00:46 first vector of narcissistic
- 00:54 contagion victims of narcissistic abuse claim to have been deceived by the
- 01:01 narcissist theespian skills the narcissist's ability to act
- 01:08 convincingly persuasively repeatedly on the first date the first
- 01:15 month into a relationship the first three months of a friendship the first
- 01:21 year of a joint venture in business the narcissist puts on a mask these people
- 01:28 say the victims the targets they put on narcissists put on a mask and it is very
- 01:35 difficult to tell what is hiding behind this mask until inevitably it falls and
- 01:43 the true narcissist his true colors or her true colors are revealed this is the topic of today's video are these claims grounded in
- 01:55 reality is it true that you cannot tell if someone is a narcissist on a first date
- 02:01 or a first meeting or a first encounter is there any scientific basis to this
- 02:07 believe it or not there are dozens of studies exactly on this issue and the
- 02:13 results as usual in narcissism are contradictory and yet fascinating i'm
- 02:20 going to offer you a way to reconcile the various findings which seem to be on
- 02:27 the surface mutually exclusive my name is Samakin i'm the author of Malignant Self-Love Narcissism Revisited i'm also a professor of psychology before we go into the topic
- 02:39 of today's video a reminder there are five places five seats left in the free
- 02:46 3-day seminar in Scopia the seminar is in person only if you live in Serbia
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- 03:12 healing from narcissistic abuse a second announcement the Vaknin Rangelovska
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- 03:27 people who wish to continue my work in psychology in economics or in physics
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- 03:53 now you've all heard by now of the uncanny valley reaction it was first
- 03:59 described by a of course Japanese roboticist Masahiro Mori in
- 04:05 1970 he suggested that as robots become more and more like human beings more and
- 04:12 more humanoid people are going to become less and less they're going to feel less and less comfortable in their presence there's going to be an uncanny valley reaction an uncanny a
- 04:25 feeling of uncanniness the more the robot uh mimics
- 04:31 humans outwardly by way of appearance and behaviorally the more people are
- 04:38 going to feel somehow ambiently threatened somehow there is a discomure
- 04:45 which cannot be traced back to any specific reason and this is the uncanny valley reaction now numerous people have
- 04:52 reported of having an uncanny valley reaction when they come across a narcissist or a psychopath for the first
- 04:58 time it's as if the narcissist and psychopaths are kind of humanoid robots not fully there not put well together something is off key something
- 05:11 is all right and yet multiple studies came up with a much more complex
- 05:20 picture and this is the topic of today's video let's start with a fact raiders
- 05:28 people who rate spotted narcissists accurately after viewing a 30 seconds
- 05:36 video of a conversation in other words there was a random sample of people they
- 05:45 were exposed to a video the duration of which was 30 seconds in which a
- 05:51 narcissist someone diagnosed with narcissism has been talking to to another person and they were able to
- 05:57 tell in the majority of cases who is the narcissist in the
- 06:03 video and they did not know that there's a narcissist in the video they did not use
- 06:09 the word narcissist they just used a series of desript descriptors that amounted to narcissism this is the famous study by Friedman Altman's and
- 06:20 Turkheimr in 2007 raiders again a random sum sample
- 06:26 of people were able to detect narcissism by viewing a Facebook page
- 06:33 in a study by Buffardi and Campbell in 2008 they're able to tell a narcissist
- 06:39 by looking at a photo in a study by Vazir Noman Renfro and Gosling again in
- 06:45 2008 people even were able to tell that someone is a narcissist based on an email message or an email address in the study by back Schmuck and Eglloff in
- 06:59 2008 so it seems that narcissism is exuded somehow it comes
- 07:06 through it's easy to spot even in a photograph even in a 30-cond exposure
- 07:12 even on a Facebook page a single post even through an email
- 07:18 address and yet people report that they have been misled when they first when
- 07:24 they first met the narcissist they could not tell that it is a narcissist having dined and whined with the narcissist for four hours having slept with the narcissist having concluded a business
- 07:36 deal with the Narcissist having befriended the narcissist having spoken to a narcissist they still couldn't tell
- 07:42 it's a narcissist how is this possible are the are the studies wrong
- 07:49 somehow or the claims of having been deceived maybe they are wrong for some
- 07:56 reason and indeed I'll try to go deeper and explain how the deception is
- 08:03 actually selfdeception narcissists emit signals and
- 08:11 cues they solicit and harvest a sense of power omnipotence and
- 08:19 admiration this was described by Vazir in 2008 narcissistic cues
- 08:26 the cues could be self-enhancing look how great I am look what a genius I am etc they could be sexual they could be
- 08:34 flashy messages and self-enhancing signaling is all pervasive even email handles contain some kind of
- 08:47 self-enhancing grandio signal according to a study by back in
- 08:55 2008 there are many sexual references and revealing photos on social media
- 09:01 that can be traced back unequivocally to somatic narcissism study by Buffardi and
- 09:09 Campbell 2008 they're expensive photos of expensive fleshy clothing and hairstyles and they also indicative of underlying narcissism according to Vazir
- 09:22 2007 again groups of random people randomly selected people coders watch a
- 09:29 debate a debate between a narcissist and his date on a first date and majority of them formed a negative opinion they said that the narcissist whom they did not know was a narcissist the the coders the raers the
- 09:45 random people who were watching the video did not know who is the narcissist in the video and did not even know that there is a narcissist in the video and yet they described one of the
- 09:57 interlocators one of the debaters as irrassible irritable hostile bragging
- 10:04 and has no interest in what his inter the other interlocutor the other participant in the conversation had to
- 10:11 say this is a study by Culvin Block and Fun in 1995 quite early on in other words people who watched a
- 10:22 video of a debate between two people were able to form an opinion regarding
- 10:28 one of them an opinion which today we would call narcissism again it seems that very
- 10:35 short exposure a few seconds of video a photo
- 10:41 a hairstyle clothing very short exposure leads to
- 10:49 the unambiguous and unequivocal formation of a judgment regarding that person as a narcissist narcissism in other words is easily spottable unusually easily spottable actually because it is the narcissist
- 11:05 who actively signals actively emits cues actively tries to manipulate it is
- 11:13 the narcissist who imposes on everyone around him the realization that something's wrong that this person
- 11:21 whoever he may be is inordinately haughty arrogant imposing um demanding um and
- 11:34 self-enhancing observers exposed to photos email addresses social media
- 11:40 pages in multiple studies formed accurate opinions regarding the narcissist and their opinions tallied well were highly correlated with the
- 11:51 outcomes of psychological tests in other words when random observers formed an
- 11:58 opinion that someone is a narcissist based on photos social media posts
- 12:04 emails they were right most of the time it was indeed a narcissist
- 12:10 when observers are given a chance to observe the narcissist in settings of non-conlictive group action they initially perceive the narcissist as physically attractive likable effective extroverted and open to
- 12:26 experience studies by Beth Egalof Schmuckle Friedman Aloltman's Gleason
- 12:32 Turkheimimer Holtzman Stro um and Fidler and many others
- 12:39 so it seems that the context matters dramatically when people are exposed to
- 12:46 the narcissist in neutral settings such as social media or a photograph they form negative opinions they immediately able to spot the narcissist when people
- 12:57 are exposed to the narcissist in high conflict settings such as a debate they
- 13:04 are immediately able to spot the narcissist however when people are exposed to narcissism in non-conlictive
- 13:11 or non-conlictual settings such as a date such as budding
- 13:18 friendship they're not able to tell that this is a narcissist or at the very least they form positive opinions about
- 13:26 the narcissist so it seems that the context matters and it is the conflict
- 13:34 element that allows us to tell narcissists apart that allows us to it
- 13:40 is a conflict ambiencece or conf the atmosphere of conflict or the actual conflict that immediately rings alarm bells and we're able to tell this guy or
- 13:51 this girl they're narcissist Only later with added
- 13:59 exposure these positive impro impressions dissipate and they become negative especially in group
- 14:06 settings this is an early study by Paulus 1998 people rate the narcissist as a poor performer less agreeable less warm
- 14:18 less well adjusted more hostile and arrogant on multiple exposures and the
- 14:24 same applies to self-enhancers studies bywan John Kenny
- 14:30 Bond Robins and Kang so the picture that emerges is the
- 14:37 following when you're exposed to someone in a neutral setting you're able to tell that they're narcissist when you're
- 14:43 exposed to someone in a setting of conflict confrontation high tension you're able
- 14:49 to tell that someone is a narcissist when you're exposed to someone in agreeable
- 14:55 situations social situations such as a date you form positive opinions and only
- 15:03 on repeated exposure later on do these opinions change and become negative how
- 15:12 can you we explain this this is beyond bizarre it's as if when you when you are exposed
- 15:20 to the narcissist in one concept you immediately identify him for or her for what they are but when you're exposed to
- 15:28 narcissist in another context you are unable to do so you go blind somehow you go blind i will deal with this a bit
- 15:35 later there's an explanation a very good explanation as to why this happens even friends of self-enhancers regard them negatively as hostile to others
- 15:46 condescending overreactive to minor frustrations manipulative and deceitful according to Culvin
- 15:55 1995 narcissists know that other people see them as narcissistic there are
- 16:01 studies by Altman's Gleason Klonssky Turkheimr studies in the military and so
- 16:07 on so forth that have demonstrated these facts a narcissist would would tell
- 16:13 would tell you I know that other people think I'm obnoxious or that I'm a narcissist or whatever they just don't
- 16:20 care we'll come to it a bit later carlson Noman and Vazir have written the
- 16:26 following in 2011 and I'm quoting research suggests that from the
- 16:33 very beginning the narcissist provides cues that others readily detect and yet
- 16:41 the narcissist still seems to make a positive first impression after a brief face-to-face interaction new acquaintances rated
- 16:53 narcissists as relatively disagreeable unreliable dislikable unintelligent and unattractive they did not see
- 17:04 narcissists as high in well-being or sury social functioning
- 17:11 that is once people meet a narcissist in person they form fairly negative
- 17:18 impressions narcissist seem to make negative impression in initial face-to-face meetings i'm quoting from
- 17:25 an article by Carlson Nman and Vazier 2011 of course just to interject there
- 17:35 are exceptions as I said while in the vast majority of cases fa first face-to-face meetings with new acquaintances and badly for the narcissist these new acquaintances form
- 17:47 negative impressions in low conflict settings which are emotional like dating and so
- 17:55 on suddenly the negative impressions become positive why this is I will
- 18:01 explain a bit later later it's important to understand that the context
- 18:07 matters if you are out to meet a narcissist on a casual night out with
- 18:13 other friends and so on you are likely to develop negative impressions on a job interview the narcissist might create
- 18:20 negative impressions but on a date narcissists create positive impressions
- 18:26 it's as if the the other partner the potential partner of a narcissist on the
- 18:32 first date blinds herself willingly shuts off her radar her detector her
- 18:42 sensors there's some process of reconciling cognitive dissonance and
- 18:48 again we'll come to it later let's continue with the quotes from the article by Carlson Nman and Vazir
- 18:57 2011 narcissist friends tend to view them as high insurgency friends do not see
- 19:03 narcissists quite as harshly as new acquaintances appear to view them that is friends don't seem to view
- 19:10 narcissists quite as low as do new acquaintances on agreeableness
- 19:16 reliability or intelligence however friends and new acquaintances appear to share the opinion that narcissists are relatively less attractive than
- 19:27 non-narcissists and again there's a confusion here psychopaths are perceived
- 19:33 as highly attractive not narcissists many self-styled experts are misleading you next I'm continuing from
- 19:40 the article narcissists not only see themselves as narcissistic but they also seem to believe that others see them as narcissistic they believe that Facebook observers new acquaintances and friends
- 19:53 view them as relatively high on narcissistic characteristics narcissists also believe
- 19:59 that people from every context see them as high insurgency social functioning
- 20:05 and so on narcissists also believe that Facebook observers and new acquaintances see them as attractive and that their
- 20:12 friends see them as intelligent narcissists seem to be aware that they make relatively more positive impressions online than in face-to-face context across all contexts narcissism
- 20:24 was associated with inflated self-perceptions relative to others perceptions for sururgency intelligence
- 20:31 and well-being narcissists also had self-perceptions of attractiveness that were more positive than perceptions of new acquaintances and friends narcissists also saw themselves as more
- 20:43 likable than new acquaintances and friends perceive them to be and more narcissistic than Facebook observers new
- 20:50 acquaintances and friends narcissists tend not to to not endorse
- 20:56 communal traits for the so their self-perceptions were not biased relative to others perceptions for
- 21:03 communal traits such as agree agreeableness and reliability narcissists appear to
- 21:10 different differentiate between their self-perceptions and their meta perceptions what other people think about them narcissism is associated with having self-perceptions that are more
- 21:23 positive than meta perceptions on sururgency and well-being in other words narcissists hold themselves regard themselves more positively than they believe other people regard them
- 21:36 narcissists also see themselves more positively on intelligence than they believe Facebook coders and new
- 21:42 acquaintances view them and more likable than they believe new acquaintances and friends view them in other words
- 21:50 narcissists believe that Facebook observers new acquaintances and friends see them less positively on many traits
- 21:57 than they see themselves but narcissists see themselves as more
- 22:03 narcissistic than they think other people see them narcissism is associated with overestimating the extent to which one is seen as high insurgency and
- 22:14 attractiveness across all contexts reflecting narcissist general and inaccurate beliefs that they are seen as
- 22:21 more assertive and attractive than they actually seen by others narcissists also tend to overestimate
- 22:28 the extent to which they are seen as narcissistic by others from all contexts narcissists seem to
- 22:34 underestimate how agreeable they appear on Facebook to Facebook observers and to
- 22:40 people in face-toface first impression situations i'm going to read this again it's important narcissists seem to under
- 22:48 underestimate how agreeable they appear to Facebook observers and to people in
- 22:54 face-to-face first impression situations but they overestimate how intelligent
- 23:00 and how high in well-being they appear to their friends so let me summarize it for you
- 23:07 the narcissist places an emphasis on what we call agentic traits on
- 23:13 performance on competence on superiority on power on
- 23:19 dominance the narcissist therefore tends to believe that other people regard him
- 23:28 more or less the same way other people regard him as attractive as as as strong as powerful
- 23:36 as dominant and so narcissists know that these traits and qualities together when
- 23:43 they they're put together comprise or yield narcissism so narcissists realize
- 23:49 how narcissistic they are and they realize that other people view them as narcissistic in other words they believe that other people see them as
- 24:01 agentic performing competent strong dominant and therefore other people see
- 24:07 them as narcissists the way they see themselves they agree they also see themselves as
- 24:15 narcissistic but narcissists perceive narcissism as positive and attractive
- 24:24 they also hold other people in contempt and they believe that they cannot evaluate them
- 24:30 appropriately and so this creates a discrepancy between self-perceptions and meta perceptions the narcissist would say I'm highly intelligent i'm highly competent i'm highly
- 24:41 dominant and he would say that's the way I perceive myself other people also perceive me as attractive as intelligent as dominant as powerful as a leader whatever but their perceptions of me are
- 24:55 unrealistic they underestimate me they should have overestimated me and they underestimate me because they're too stupid to realize who I am and what I am
- 25:06 so here's here's the discrepancy this is on the agentic side on the communal
- 25:12 traits for example agreeableness conscientiousness being liked and loved
- 25:18 on these communal traits the narcissist couldn't care less
- 25:24 he does not want to be loved he does not want to be liked she doesn't care about other people's opinions regarding her character and conduct so they don't care
- 25:35 about communal traits they care about narcissistic supply which has to do with agentic traits narcissistic supply
- 25:43 doesn't have anything to do with communal traits so the narcissist doesn't want to be good doesn't want to be liked doesn't want to be loved they want narcissist wants to dominate
- 25:54 dictate control own and so narcissists agree actually
- 26:02 that they are not likable they are not agreeable they are not consciences they fully agree that they are not communal and in this sense they are in full
- 26:13 accord full conformity and full correlation with how people see them it's an interesting situation when it comes to agentic traits which support
- 26:24 and butress the narcissist's grandio inflated self-concept a narcissist would overvalue and
- 26:31 overestimate himself or herself and they would wrongly attribute
- 26:38 this overvaluation to other people they would say other people agree with me that I'm super intelligent amazingly
- 26:44 attractive and so on even so because they hold people in contempt they would
- 26:50 say they agree with me but not enough they should have overvalued me they think I'm intelligent but they don't think I'm a genius and that's wrong because I am a genius on the communal
- 27:01 side there's a perfect agreement perfect accord between the narcissist and everyone around the narcissist the
- 27:08 narcissist is an obnoxious a-hole however narcissists are proud of
- 27:15 being obnoxious a-holes because they place emphasis on agency agentic traits
- 27:21 they don't care at all about their communal side about how the community
- 27:27 sees them and accepts them and evaluates them they don't care they are proud of being narcissists
- 27:34 they think it's the next stage in the evolutionary ladder they think they are the next sup the the next Superman they
- 27:41 the human beings 2.0 and so this is why narcissist
- 27:48 um overvalue themselves and yet grounded in reality when they admit that they're
- 27:55 narcissist or narcissistic and realize that other people see them this way they're just proud of it i mentioned that there is a confusion between psychopaths malignant
- 28:06 narcissists and dark personalities and narcissists psychopaths malignant narcissists and dark personalities dark
- 28:14 triad dark tetra are perceived by people as attractive narcissists are not
- 28:22 narcissists are perceived as unattractive and again this confusion is created by multiple self-styled experts
- 28:29 with and without academic degrees who who don't know what they're talking about and are not grounded in studies and research they don't do their homework why is it
- 28:42 that if you are exposed to the narcissist on a neutral in a neutral setting you see a photo of the narcissist you see a video of a narcissist you read a post by a
- 28:56 narcissist on social media why is it that in these settings you're able able to judge the narcissist instantly appropriately as a narcissist
- 29:07 you're able to diagnose a narcissist amazingly accurately as accurately a
- 29:13 psychological test by the way your intuition when it comes to narcissists is as accurate as any psychological
- 29:20 test in neutral settings and yet when you're exposed to the narcissist face to face you tend to develop positive
- 29:34 impressions if the setting involves emotions you form negative impressions
- 29:40 of the narcissist if the encounter or the meeting or the the date is
- 29:48 noneotional for example business negotiations but you tend to develop positive impressions when the setting is emotional for example a romantic date
- 29:59 why is that the answer is cognitive dissonance first when you come across a narcissist on a date let's say or you're emotionally invested in
- 30:12 some relationship with the narcissist as a best friend or perhaps as a business partner whose hopes lie whose hopes derive from the narcissist they rely on
- 30:23 the narcissist whenever emotions are involved you would tend to develop posit positive impressions why is that the answer is cognitive dissonance first thing you say
- 30:35 to yourself when you are face to face with a narcissist you have a negative reaction this has been documented in dozens of studies you have a negative
- 30:46 reaction when you face the narcissist within the first few seconds 30 seconds
- 30:52 actually you have a highly negative reaction which is the uncanny valley reaction but then suddenly this is
- 31:01 switched off and you begin to develop positive impressions why number one you
- 31:09 believe that it is inappropriate to judge someone so instantaneously on so little information
- 31:17 it's not okay to be critical to become critical immediately you need to give the other
- 31:24 person a chance it's the right thing to do number two autoplastic
- 31:32 defenses when you develop the uncanny value reaction when you feel uncomfortable when there are negative
- 31:38 impressions of the person facing you on a setting with emotional undertones and
- 31:46 overtones okay a setting imbued and infused with emotions or with emotional expectations when this happens and you develop this negative uncanny value
- 31:58 reaction you this immediately triggers autoplastic defenses you tend to blame yourself you say something is wrong with me i've had a bad day uh I'm the one to blame for this not
- 32:11 the narcissist he's doing his best i'm being too critical i'm being a you know
- 32:17 or whatever so autolastic defenses kick in
- 32:23 and behind all this there is neediness you're lonely you're anxious
- 32:29 you're depressed you're sex starved you need something you want something
- 32:36 companionship warmth acceptance someone to listen to you to be attentive these
- 32:42 are all unmet needs and suddenly you're on a date and there's someone facing you
- 32:49 and he's laser focused on you and he looks like a nice guy and he's well-dressed and groomed and so on and you have this nagging
- 33:00 discomfort something um in the pit of your stomach that tells you a gut feeling that this is wrong
- 33:08 this is off key this is all right this is this I need to be worried you shut
- 33:14 off this voice you erase it you repress it you deny it you ignore it it creates
- 33:22 cognitive dissonance i want this guy or girl and there's a voice telling me
- 33:28 they're wrong for me i need to shut off the voice i need to ignore this voice
- 33:35 because I I have my needs and I I the person facing me may be the answer to my
- 33:42 prayers and so it's an active process of resolving cognitive dissonance and
- 33:48 that's precisely the reason why when there are no emotions involved involved
- 33:54 and no expectations involved the first impressions that narcissists create
- 34:00 offline online and face to face are all very negative and yet when there are
- 34:07 expectations especially emotional expectations the first impressions are overwhelmingly positive because you are not actually interacting
- 34:18 with a person facing you who happens to be a narcissist you're interacting with your own
- 34:25 neediness with your own dis despair and destitution with your own depression and
- 34:31 anxiety with your own loneliness with your own wish to finally have sex after
- 34:37 so many years so it's about you not about the narcissist i want to read to you um from the book it's the authoritative Bible on
- 34:50 narcissism handbook of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder the editor is a preeminent authority on
- 34:58 narcissism Keith Campbell and I want to read to you something they have to say
- 35:04 exactly about this issue it's a bit long but I think it's worth every minute of your time narcissists see themselves as highly intelligent assertive dominant
- 35:20 welladjusted and attractive but not particularly agreeable reliable or
- 35:26 likable narcissists admit that others probably
- 35:32 do not share their self-perceptions and yet they persist in their beliefs of
- 35:39 superiority people from fairly people form fairly positive impressions of narcissists when their impressions are based on very limited contact
- 35:50 a single face-to-face interaction was enough to perceive the negative
- 35:56 qualities of the narcissist again we're talking about situations with no emotional balance no
- 36:04 emotional involvement no emotional expectations narcissism was easily detected by participants i'm reading to you from the
- 36:15 Bible of narcissism academic bible of narcissism narcissism was easily detected by participants cues to narcissistic characteristics are likely manifested in
- 36:28 physical appearance such as style of dress arguably there may be other
- 36:34 reliable cues that narcissists provide in conversation that people use to form
- 36:40 judgments of narcissistic traits narcissist endorsements of their own narcissism both in self-perception and metaperception perhaps narcissists
- 36:52 believe that narcissistic characteristics are positive or desirable and they proudly endorse traits such as arrogance and need for
- 37:04 power relative to others impressions narcissists tend to see themselves and
- 37:10 assumes assume that others see them much more positively than they actually do
- 37:17 narcissists hold an almost universal agentic bias seeing themselves as more
- 37:23 attractive more intelligent and higher onsurgency than others actually view them but considering that they do not exhibit many communal traits this is
- 37:34 consistent with previous findings that narcissists not only engage in self-enhancement they're referring to
- 37:40 studies by Gabriel John Quan Paulus Rodwalt and Eddings so narcissists not
- 37:47 only engage in self-enhancement but they may do so in deliberate ways for example
- 37:54 there was a study by Sediki Sedikides and others and the study
- 38:00 suggested that individuals can self-enhance in more overt or covert ways such that individuals self-enhance
- 38:08 in domains that are important for successful role fulfillment and consider weakness in less important domains narcissist desires to be seen as having
- 38:19 high status and power may reinforce self-enhancement in agentic domains like surency and intelligence narcissists see themselves as higher on almost every positive
- 38:32 attribute than than they think others see them suggesting that even though they tend to overestimate how others view them on many traits they understand that others do not completely share
- 38:45 their inflated self views perhaps they maintain their positive self- views by
- 38:51 believing that others are too incompetent or too jealous um to acknowledge their
- 38:58 superiority selfverification theory it's a theory proposed by North and Swan in 2009 self-verification theory would argue that the general discrepancy between
- 39:09 narcissist self-perceptions and metaceptions across multiple contexts must result in feeling misunderstood by
- 39:16 others in their everyday lives recent work suggests that narcissists do indeed
- 39:22 experience psychological distress miller Campbell and Pilonis
- 39:29 so narcissist experience psychological distress despite rating themselves as
- 39:36 high in well-being perhaps due to their conflicting self and meta perceptions to
- 39:42 quell this sense of unease narcissists likely seek out people who see them
- 39:48 exactly the same way they see themselves which might explain why they seek out and thrive in minimal acquaintance
- 39:55 context where they typically make positive first impressions sir there is further support for theories that argue that narcissists thrive in early acquaintance contexts
- 40:08 but do not fare as well as the acquaintanceship develops there's one theory called
- 40:14 contextual reinforcement model proposed by Campbo and Campbell 2009 and the theory argues that the best context for narcissists are those that
- 40:25 involve unacquainted others early stage relationships or short-term contexts
- 40:31 whereas enduring zone contexts that involve acquainted others and long-term relationships result in relatively poor
- 40:39 outcomes for narcissists back and his colleagues argue that she's
- 40:46 referring to Beck Egloff Schmuckle and others argue that the positive first impressions that narcissists elicit reinforce the negative interpersonal style because narcissists likely receive
- 40:59 positive feedback that ultimately confirms their sense of entitlement and superiority so they become more
- 41:06 exploitative more arrogant but narcissists refuse to alter their behavior or their self-perceptions
- 41:12 because they are not particularly concerned with gaining approval according to Ruskin or because they
- 41:18 cannot help themselves due to their impulsivity according to Vazier and
- 41:24 Fer another potential mechanism underlying narcissist negative interpersonal style is the potential
- 41:31 buffer provided by not being concerned by others views or reality
- 41:37 narcissists endorse items related to well-being in studies as well as um
- 41:46 there are many studies where narcissists endorse items concerned with their wellbeing in other words narcissist
- 41:52 displayed egoonyy and they claimed that they feel good with themselves and they're basically content and happy
- 41:59 so um so she they continued to describe the possible mechanism some have argued that the association between well-being and
- 42:10 narcissism is driven by self-esteem it appears that aspects of narcissism beyond self-esteem are still associated
- 42:17 with well-being according to Brown Budzik and Tumborski Brown and his colleagues argue that it may well be that the mechanism that supports the belief that one is omnipotent glorious
- 42:28 and perfect also fosters positive illusions that blunt the impact of
- 42:34 life's trials and tribulations thus perhaps narcissist universal enduring
- 42:41 beliefs of superiority observed across many contexts are maintained because of the buffer they provide from life's trials and tribulations it's another way
- 42:52 of saying that narcissists are embedded in fantasy grandio fantasy replete with
- 42:58 numerous cognitive distortions such as grandiosity the article continues "Narcissists tend
- 43:05 to be overly confident in their general knowledge Campbell Goody and Foster and they are also especially confident in
- 43:11 the accuracy of their social perceptions that's Ames and
- 43:17 Camrath and finally findings regarding the manifestations of narcissism in a
- 43:23 first in-person meeting are not consistent some types of meetings result in positive impressions whereas other types of meetings result in negative impressions and I suggested why I
- 43:35 suggested that it has to do with emotions or emotional expectations involved in the meetings perhaps the
- 43:42 authors continue there are contextual factors that make some context more or less favorable to a narcissist or to
- 43:49 those interacting with the narcissist indeed so and I suggest that this contextual factor is emotional
- 43:57 expectations or emotions which generate neediness which then leads to denial and
- 44:04 repression of the negative first impression and their replacement with
- 44:10 self-conjured positive impressions in other words the narcissist victim on a
- 44:16 first meeting immediately reacts with highly disconcerting negative impressions then
- 44:24 owing to her his or her neediness she represses and denies these
- 44:30 negative impressions she self selfdecees deceives herself by creating
- 44:38 self-conjured imaginary fantastic counterfactual not grounded in reality
- 44:44 unrealistic positive impressions about the narcissist to put it differently she
- 44:50 idealizes the narcissist and then continues to interact with the idealized object inside her mind and that is the first factor of narcissistic contagion
