BPD Exoplanet Explored (Borderline Personality Disorder Compilation)

Summary

It was the heyday of uh these studies and so we had people like uh Otto Kberg and others and we had of course Kohut on the side of Nar narcissism and at that at that point in time um many prominent scholars believe that there is a deep relationship between borderline personality organization borderline features borderline traits, borderline behaviors, borderline dynamics and narcissism. And and very often victims of narcissistic abuse discover that the narcissist repeats the same pattern with the same behaviors with the same sentences with the same words with multiple potentials at sometimes at the same time at the same time because there's no no attachment there's no what we call cexis there's no emotional investment.

Abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Personality, Psychology, Reality, Sam Vaknin, Trauma, Vaknin, Vaknin Summaries

July 1, 2025

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00:02 I know you are addicted to my introject. I know you want videos to be as long as
00:10 humanly possible. 1 hour, 2 hours, 6 hours.
00:16 But being the sadistic narcissist that I am, I'm going to give you today a 10-minute video. Wet your appetite. I'm challenging myself.
00:28 Can I encapsulate everything known about borderline personality disorder in less
00:35 in fewer than 10 minutes? Let's see if I make it. Verbose as I am, mind you. Borderline personality disorder in 10
00:46 minutes and 10 questions. Number one, borderline personality disorder involves
00:52 an identity disturbance, an unstable identity, a fragile sense of
00:58 self. The borderline changes from one day to the next. She or he is irrecognizable.
01:06 Her values, her beliefs, her behaviors, her traits, her preferences, her dreams, her wishes, her plans, everything
01:14 changes. And it's like witnessing multiple personality disorder in action. Indeed, some scholars suggest that borderline
01:25 personality disorder is a form of dissociative identity disorder known as
01:31 OSDD. Look it up. I have a video on this. Number two,
01:38 borderline personality disorder and borderline personality organization involve emptiness. At the core of the borderline, there's a
01:49 void, a black hole, very reminiscent of the narcissist. Exactly like the narcissist, the borderline has a false self.
02:00 And identical to the narcissist, she has a fantasy defense. She is historical.
02:07 Today, half of all border lines are men. So emptiness, false self, fantasy
02:15 defense. In this sense, borderline and narcissism are indistinguishable from each other. Indeed, scholars such as Oto
02:23 Kernburgg have suggested that borderline is merely a reaction to narcissism and
02:29 that both of them as character or personality disorders are on the verge of psychosis. We'll come to it. Number
02:35 three, external regulation. The narcissist uses other people to regulate
02:42 his or her sense of selfworth. The borderline uses other people, a special friend, um favorite person, an intimate partner. She uses other people to regulate her emotions to stabilize her moods. She
03:00 outsources her inner landscape, her mind to agents in the outside whose job it is
03:09 to keep her on the level, balanced. They function as what is known as secure
03:16 bases. Number four, the borderline again like the narcissist
03:23 has impaired reality testing. She mispersceives reality. She misattributes
03:29 and mislabels emotions and cognitions. She projects. She splits. She engages in
03:36 primitive defense mechanisms. So border lines are very prone to
03:42 paranoia for example they are paranoid ideiation is very common in borderline personality disorder. Border lines also overestimate the level of intimacy, love
03:54 and commitment in relationships and in this sense border lines resemble and are reminiscent of histrionics. People including clinicians and even
04:05 scholars often confuse and conflate borderline personality disorder with
04:11 histrionic personality disorder and as we shall see borderline personality disorder with bipolar bipolar disorder.
04:19 Border lines when pushed to the limit under stress, rejection, duress,
04:26 humiliation, endure and experience psychotic micro
04:32 episodes. For a brief moment, for a few hours,
04:38 maximum for a few days, their reality testing is so short and so
04:44 destroyed and so ruined that they become psychotic. They're unable to tell the difference between internal voices,
04:52 internal images, and internal events and external ones.
04:58 Number five, border lines are prone to self harm. Suicidal ideiation, actual
05:05 suicide. 11% of all people diagnosed with borderline personality disorder end
05:11 up taking their own lives. Suicide is the leading cause of death among people
05:17 diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. The borderline
05:23 has self-destructive cognitions and engages in self-destructive actions
05:30 including self-trashing, reckless behaviors, impulsive behaviors, dangerous and risky behaviors.
05:38 Now all these forms of self harm and self harm could be something uh like promiscuity even when or unprotected sex or consumption of substances, abuse of
05:50 substances. So all these all these selfharming and selfmutilation behaviors
05:57 have four functions. They fulfill four functions. Number one, this self-pun.
06:03 The borderline has inside her an internalized bed object, also known as a
06:10 primitive super ego. It is a constellation, a coalition of voices
06:16 that inform the borderline that she's unworthy, she's unlovable, she's hateful, she's aggressive, she is wrong, she is stupid, she's ugly, etc. This is
06:29 known as the internalized bad object. And then she punishes herself. She hates herself. She loathes herself to the extent of punishing herself through selfharming and selfmutilation. But selfharming, self harm and selfmutilation have other functions. For
06:46 example, they silence the inner turmoil, inner tumult and internal voices that
06:54 torment the borderline. They create a distraction. The physical pain or the
07:00 physical circumstances divert the attention of the borderline away from
07:06 the chaos that is taking over her internally. Of course, self harm, suicidal ideiation, self-destructiveness
07:17 also constitute a call for help. And finally, when the borderline mutilates
07:24 herself, self trashes and so on, she feels alive. Usually, she experiences
07:31 herself as dead, a walking, talking corpse, dead inside. Selfharming and
07:38 self mutilation, suicidal ideiation make her come alive. Next, the borderline is
07:47 reckless and impulsive. When confronted with stress, duress, criticism,
07:53 rejection, abandonment, and humiliation, she may become a secondary psychopath,
07:59 an impulsive psychopath. But she never loses her empathy, her positive
08:06 emotions, and her sense of remorse and guilt for her acting out and
08:12 dysregulation. Borderline is emotionally volatile.
08:18 Uh she is she has effective liability. She is emotionally disregulated. It's a
08:25 term borrowed from dialectic behavioral therapy. She's mostly angry. Anger is a
08:32 predominant hue, predominant color of the borderline emotion.
08:38 She has reactive moods and mood swings and mood shifts and changes.
08:44 Um, whenever she's confronted with real or anticipated or impending doom and
08:51 gloom, rejection, abandonment and humiliation, her moods change. She may become depressive. U, her emotional her emotions take over
09:02 her, drown her, disregulate her. Most of them are negative. I mentioned anger and rage. She's effectively effectively lab.
09:11 The borderline has in maintains intense interpersonal relationships which involve exactly like the narcissist involve idealization and devaluation.
09:22 Borderline therefore is a relational disorder. Indeed, some scholars such as Gunderson suggest that borderline personality disorder is all about relationships.
09:35 And finally, the borderline has twin anxieties. Abandonment, rejection anxiety, also
09:42 known as separation, insecurity, and the opposing, diametrically opposed
09:48 engulfment and intimacy anxiety. So, you can't win with a borderline. I
09:55 hate you. Don't leave me. She approaches you and then she avoids you. When she approaches you, she demands that you act as a secure base, a stable rock. Never
10:08 abandon her. Never let her go. But then when you do as an intimate partner, when
10:14 you become caring and intimate and loving and embracing, she feels suffocated. She feels
10:21 consumed. She feels assimilated. She feels dead. And she wants to run away.
10:28 She panics. And this is approach avoidance repetition compulsion. She's terrified of abandonment and repetition compulsion. She's terrified of abandonment and
10:39 rejection. So she she approaches and then she's terrified of the resulting intimacy and engulfment. So she avoids.
10:49 Borderline personality disorder has been blamed on brain malfunctions, genetics,
10:55 inadequate upbringing, social and cultural conditions, you name it. The truth is that the diagnosis of
11:02 borderline personality disorder is 50 40 to 50% heritable. In other words,
11:09 according to twin studies and adoption studies, heredity accounts for anything between 40 to 50% of indiv individual differences in susceptibility to the
11:20 disorder. What is inherited is described as temperament or character or disposition
11:30 and it affects mood and activity levels, attention spans, responses to simulation
11:36 and so on so forth. The other 50% is the environment. Nurture and nature collude
11:43 in the case of borderline personality disorder. And this is why it can be safely diagnosed as early as age 12 as
11:51 distinct from narcissism which cannot be safely diagnosed before age 18.
11:57 Borderline personality disorder is a challenge but it is treatable unlike
12:03 narcissism. It is heterogeneous and there are different clusters of symptoms in different people. But everyone who has borderline personality
12:14 disorder who suffers from it shares the same components. Fragile self,
12:20 impairment of relationships, impulsiveness, emotional volatility and dysregulation. Psychotherapy is actually
12:28 pretty effective in the case of borderline personality disorder especially cognitive behavioral
12:34 approaches including dialectical behavioral therapy and psychonamic therapies.
12:41 So borderline is treatable and psychotherapy is the main state of treatment but sometimes medication is
12:52 given uh to take care of certain manifestations or aspects of the of the disorder. Borderline and personality disorder is still after 80 years still being studied, still a work in progress is
13:08 still the knowledge is still evolving. Uh the borderline is difficult to work
13:16 with and difficult to study and difficult to be in a relationship with. Her moods are erratic. Her personal
13:23 relationships are turb turbulent. She she's unable to control anger. She has anger management problems. She's self-destructive. She's chronically angry, quick to take
13:34 offense. She's suddenly depressed, irritable, anxious, or in rage for
13:40 reasons which are beyond anyone. So, it's quite a roller coaster.
13:46 Um, drama is an integral part of borderline personality disorder and
13:52 actually it's a regulatory mechanism, an inevitable accompaniment to the
13:58 pleasures of being with the borderline because on top of all this, the borderline typically is highly
14:05 emotional, highly involved, highly empathic, loves like no one else, highly sexual and all in all a committed partner. If
14:18 you know how to be with her and work with her
14:39 for the benefit of my long-suffering students, this video contains in one
14:45 location, in one place, all all the latest research about borderline personality disorder. Cutting edge,
14:53 bleeding edge, sadistic, pun intended. I reviewed the literature in the past two years. I assembled everything and
15:04 here you have it, the borderline bible. My name is Sam Vaknin. I'm the author of
15:10 malignant self-love, narcissism revisited. I'm a professor of psychology in SEAPS Commonwealth Institute for Advanced Professional Studies in Cambridge, United Kingdom. I'm also a
15:22 professor of psychology or visiting professor of psychology in CU, Southeast European University. And I'm a former
15:29 visiting professor of psychology for 5 years in Southern Federal University in
15:35 Russia. Yes, the Russia that is becoming the United States best friend ever. It's
15:43 bestie. Talking about borderline talk about borderline personality disorder. Okay,
15:50 let's get serious. At the end of this video, I'm going to review the alternative model of borderline personality disorder in the text revision of the diagnostic and
16:02 statistical manual, fifth edition. But before we get there, let me summarize
16:08 what we know hi there too. Borderline personality disorder is a
16:14 pervasive disorder. It's pervasive in the sense that it insinuates itself and permeates
16:23 every cognition, every emotion, every behavior of the individual afflicted.
16:31 Generally speaking, we regard borderline personality disorder more behaviorally than otherwise. And
16:38 the behavior is characterized by unstable interpersonal relationships,
16:44 problems with self-image and effect as well as impulsive selfharming behavior.
16:52 Now the term borderline personality actually borderline group was first coined by Adolf Stern in 1938. He attempted desperately to describe
17:04 describe a group of patients who were clearly not psychotic and on the other hand not neurotic. And so he said they
17:12 belong to a border group or a borderline group. And so he coined this immortal
17:20 phrase. Much later in the 70s and 80s, borderline personality disorder was all the rage. Scholars such as Ottokberg have studied it in depth and have
17:31 contributed immensely to our understanding. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
17:38 Mental Disorders, fifth edition text revision in 2002, a diagnosis of borderline personality
17:45 disorder requires the presence of five or more of the following characteristics
17:52 or diagnostic criteria. Number one, frantic efforts to avoid
17:58 real or imagined abandonment. The diagnostic and statistical manual neglects to mention engulfment anxiety which is the second the twin anxiety in
18:10 borderline. We have separation insecurity or abandonment or separation anxiety coupled with engulfment anxiety
18:17 and this leads to approach avoidant behaviors. The borderline seeks intimacy, craves
18:25 love. Yet when he when she gets it, when she gets these from her partner, intimacy, love, friendship, and presence, she recoils and she runs away.
18:37 This is known as approach, avoidance, repetition, compulsion. There is a fear of intimacy. Actually, the borderline feels suffocated, shackled, imprisoned,
18:48 incarcerated, coerced when she's confronted with a partner who is willing to satisfy her needs for closeness. And so this is this is a much neglected
19:00 aspect of borderline personality disorder in the DSM. The second diagnostic criterion
19:06 is a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships
19:12 characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization in which a person assigns exaggeratedly
19:20 positive characteristics to the self or to others and devaluation in which a person assigns exaggeratedly negative characteristics to the self or to others. This is commonly referred to as
19:33 splitting. It's a infantile defense mechanism. The third criterion is identity
19:39 disturbance or identity diffusion with with a marketkedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self or self-concept.
19:50 Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging and
19:56 reckless. example spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating and so on. Recurrent suicidal behavior,
20:07 gestures or threats or self mutilating and selfharming and self trashing behavior.
20:14 Next is effective instability due to marked reactivity of mood. Now that
20:21 sounds very complex and very serious. It simply means that the border lines
20:27 emotions overwhelm her and so she is emotionally unstable, volatile. Whereas
20:34 her moods cycle up and down between euphoria and dysphoria, depression and
20:42 sometimes mania. So there is a reactivity of mood. Example, intense
20:49 episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety. usually lasting few hours
20:55 and only rarely more than a few days. The next criterion involve involves
21:01 chronic feelings of emptiness. I've dwelt on the issue of emptiness in border lines and in narcissists. I've I've um analyzed it and expanded on it
21:13 using the writings of numerous psychoanalysts in a series of videos on this channel channel. Simply look for
21:19 the word empty or emptiness. Inappropriate intense anger or
21:26 difficulty in controlling anger. This is called externalized aggression. For example, frequent displays of temper,
21:34 constant anger, recurrent physical fights. This should be distinguished from the
21:40 reactive narcissistic rage in narcissists. And the last criterion involves
21:47 transient stress related paranoid ideiation or severe dissociative symptoms. How many people how many people are we talking about? What is the prevalence of
21:59 borderline personality disorder? Well, the only reliable figures we have are from the United States and there 2.7% of
22:08 the population suffer from a borderline personality organization which is which
22:14 is sufficiently severe to qualify as a borderline personality disorder. The
22:20 figures are 3% for women and 2.4% for men. But this seems to be culturally a
22:27 biased seems to be a cultural bound number. And in all likelihood, half of all borderline border lines are men. The American Psychiatric Association sites a
22:39 lifetime prevalence of BPD in the United States as anywhere between 1.4% and
22:46 2.7%. In psychiatric settings, the estimate is 15 to 28%. In other words, anywhere
22:53 between 15% and 28% of people who present themselves to a therapist or a
22:59 psychiatrist in clinical settings is likely to have um borderline personality
23:05 disorder. Data from family studies have demonstrated that the prevalence of
23:11 borderline personality disorder among firstderee relatives of affected patients is 4 to 20 times higher than in
23:22 the general population. In other words, if you have borderline personality disorder, it's 4 to 20 times more you're
23:31 4 to 20 times more likely to have a firstderee relative with borderline personality disorder than in the general population. This is a powerful indicator
23:42 that there is a hereditary genetic component in borderline personality disorder.
23:49 The ways in which the personality patterns of the borderline are generated are diverse, multiffactorial. In other words, there is no single
24:01 developmental path that leads inexurably to borderline personality disorder. Many
24:08 factors interrupt. I've mentioned genetics. Then we have environmental factors in the pathogenesis of
24:15 borderline. In other words, in the path that has led to the emergence of a of a pathology in borderline, we've identified um assuredly childhood
24:27 maltreatment, adoption, maternal separation, poor maternal attachment,
24:33 dead mother, inappropriate family boundaries including incest, parental
24:39 substance abuse, sexual abuse, and serious parental psychopathology. Post-traumatic stress disorder often co- occurs with borderline personality
24:50 disorder and one therefore can speculate or summize that borderline personality
24:57 disorder is a post-traumatic condition. Eminent scholars such as J Judith Herman, the mother of complex trauma, CPTSD, and others have suggested that
25:09 borderline personality disorder, all albeit marked mainly with emotional dysregulation, is actually a form of complex trauma. This is not accepted in
25:21 the mainstream, but it is an interesting proposition. In my own work,
25:27 much before Judith Herman, actually, I I have been proposing for well over 30 years that both narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder are post-traumatic
25:39 presentations. Certain genetic factors, as I mentioned,
25:45 probably play a role. We have data from twin studies that show that the heritability of borderline personality disorder is probably around 40%.
25:58 Studies found a higher concordance of borderline personality disorder in
26:04 monozygotic than dzygotic twins. So how does how do these genes express? How
26:15 do they manifest? How what what is it that they affect especially in the brain?
26:21 We know that there are alterations in the social reward and empathy networks of the brain caused by the disregulation of the oxytocin system and we believe we
26:34 are increasingly more convinced that it somehow contributes to the emergence of borderline personality disorder. But
26:41 again to this very day 100 years later the emphasis is still on nurture rather
26:49 than nature. The belief common belief among clinicians especially who've been
26:55 exposed to patients with borderline personality disorder is that environmental factors are the crucial
27:02 determinants of pathogenesis. The ones I've mentioned before.
27:10 Um clinicians should be should be um aware that the diagnostic and
27:16 statistical manual provides two ways of diagnosing BPD.
27:23 There is the copy pasted list of nine diagnostic criteria from the fourth
27:30 edition and there is the alternative model which I will discuss at length a bit later. So we have a categorical
27:38 model and a dimensional model. BPD conventionally to this very day and I
27:44 would add regrettably is still diagnosed using a categorical model. In other
27:50 words, the prospective patient either does or does not receive a diagnosis by
27:56 meeting five out of nine criteria. A dimensional model of diagnosis
28:02 characterizes the condition based on a spectrum of prominent traits which is a
28:08 much more realistic and agile versatile approach to mental illness.
28:16 The nine diagnostic criteria um
28:23 create a problem known as the polyphetic problem. You could have two patients. Patient number one meets the criteria
28:31 numbers numbers one two three four and five. So you have a patient there nine criteria and this patient satisfies
28:39 conditions number one to five. Then you have another patient and this patient satisfies conditions 5 6 7 and 8. 5 6 7
28:48 8 and nine I'm sorry. So you have two patients. They're both diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and yet
28:56 they share only a single diagnostic criterion. In other words, the variance is enormous. Presentations vary significantly among patients having ostensibly the same condition. The
29:13 categorical approach is often used with a dimensional in conjunction with a dimensional approach in an an attempt to remedy this variation to counter the
29:25 polythetic or solve the polythetic problem. But I think the only correct
29:31 approach is to dump to forget the categorical list, the antiquated mayor
29:37 ed categorical list which is about 40 or 50 years old and to move on completely to the dimensional model which is a lot more descriptive and a lot more real
29:48 life a lot more realistic. One approach that may prove useful in performing a dimensional diagnosis in of BPD is the five factor model. The five
29:59 factor model describes personality on a continuum continuum. And there are five characteristics. Neuroticism, extraversion,
30:11 openness to experience, agreeableness and conscious conscientiousness.
30:20 I'm sorry. I've just added three days with two mega interviews each day. I
30:26 don't have much of a voice left. And so it's been demonstrated that borderline personality dis disorder can
30:33 be differentiated from other mental health condition or mental illness and or personality disorders based on
30:40 specific differences in five factor model traits. Similarly in the
30:46 international classification of diseases 11th edition which is the diagnostic
30:53 textbook diagnostic manual used by 80% of humanity and is the main competitor
30:59 of the DSM there there there's a list of trait domains and combination of the
31:06 trait domains these combinations give rise to the equivalence of personality
31:12 disorders in the DSM Although borderline personality disorder shares many characteristics with bipolar affective disorders, they are entirely
31:23 distinct diagnostic entities. But before I go there,
31:29 because of the structure, the categorical structure of the DS of the DSM, especially the fourth edition text revision and the fifth edition, we have a situation where people are diagnosed
31:42 with multiple personality disorders com combined with mood disorders,
31:49 substance abuse disorders, anxiety disorders, and so on so forth. It's very common for an individual attending
31:55 therapy or clinical settings to end up being diagnosed with six or seven or eight conditions. That is untenable.
32:04 Now, online self-styled experts spew all kinds of nonsense. For example, that 40%
32:10 of all border lines are also diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. That is explicitly untrue. That's not
32:17 correct. However, it is true that in about 1/3 to 40% of borderline
32:24 personality disorder diagnosis, there is another attendant condition
32:30 which could be a personality disorder, but more frequently is a substance abuse disorder or a mood disorder, a dual diagnosis. I want to focus on bipolar
32:41 disorder because I'm shocked by the level of ignorance of clinicians and alleged scholars especially in Europe
32:48 when it comes to the distinctions between borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. I have come across
32:57 um professors of psychology in for example Austria, clinicians in Austria,
33:03 psychiatrists in Austria who can't tell the difference between bipolar disorder
33:09 or bipolar disorders and borderline personality disorders confuse the two and misdiagnose patients on a on a
33:17 massive scale industrial scale. This is really bad. It is true that both conditions bipolar
33:24 disorders or bipolar affective disorders and borderline personality disorders. It's true that in both conditions there
33:31 are dramatic shifts in mood. However, the timing, the duration, the intensity,
33:37 the pattern of the mood shifts is very very different. And in addition to that,
33:43 there are clinical features in borderline personality disorders that never appear in bipolar disorders.
33:52 Borderline personality disorder is characterized by effective instability. I'm quoting a marked reactivity of mood. Example, intense episodic dysphoria,
34:04 irritability, or anxiety, usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more
34:10 than a few days. That's not the case with bipolar disorders. In bipolar disorders, they're episodes of effective extremes, high highs and lows. And these
34:22 episodes last for days as a minimum. Much more common commonly. They last for
34:28 weeks or they can take months. Patients with borderline personality disorder shift from euthia, a good feeling, to anger. Whereas
34:39 patients with bipolar disorder tend to shift from depression to elation or from depression to mania. Although borderline
34:46 personality disorder and bipolar disorders are different conditions. It is possible of course to have both of
34:53 them. It's they it's possible that they occur conccommittently in the same individual but they're not the same
35:00 disorder. Another differentiating factor between borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorders is sleep. There are sleep disturbances in both
35:12 these conditions. Patients with borderline personality disorder experience an increased sleep
35:20 onset latency, low sleep efficiency, and nightmares.
35:26 Patients with bipolar disorders experience a reduced need to for sleep,
35:32 not merely disturbances in sleep or decreased sleep, but no need to sleep whatsoever
35:39 during a manic episode. And on the contrary, during a depressive episode,
35:45 they would experience excessive sleepiness, hyperomnia.
35:52 So the in these two realms which are mood reactivity and sleep
36:00 patterns we already see massive differences between bipolar and borderline. And then of course there's a
36:07 complete list of other clinical features which make an appearance in this diagnosis or that diagnosis but not together not in both.
36:18 Clinicians should be aware of the egoonic nature of borderline personality disorder behaviors. We should make a distinction between behaviors and the outcomes of behaviors. Borderline personality patients report having
36:35 experienced shame and guilt, remorse and regret. These are reported by borderline
36:42 patient and they are not reported for example by narcissistic patients or by psychopaths of course and yet the regret and the remorse and the shame and the
36:53 guilt often revolve around the outcomes the consequences of a specific behavior not
37:01 the behavior itself. As far as a borderline is concerned, the behavior is
37:07 justified. All behavior, all behaviors are justified. It is just the it's just
37:14 the unfortunate outcomes of these choices, decisions, defiance,
37:20 consumaciousness, rejection of authority, recklessness. The unfortunate outcomes of selfrashing, selfharming,
37:28 harming others, externalized aggression. These outcomes are rejected. These outcomes are grieved over, mourned and there is then
37:40 there are then negative effects such as shame and guilt. Personality disorders generally consist of egoonic patterns of behavior. Very few people with
37:51 personality disorders reject their personality disorder. For a narcissist, for example, does not feel bad about being a narcissist. is the borderline doesn't feel bad about being a borderline. Psychopath of course
38:03 doesn't. So egoony is very common in personality disorders and this is on the conscious level. Unconsciously of course many in many of these personality disorders there is an
38:15 internalized bed object. In other words, unconsciously there may be the feeling
38:21 that one is that the the patient the patient may possess the feeling that he or she is unworthy, a failure, a loser,
38:29 ugly, stupid, um unlovable and so on. But that would be unconscious. Consciously these people are happy golucky. Essentially, the problematic conduct exhibited by a borderline is not
38:44 inherently distressing to the person performing it. The patterns may feel natural, justified or even reflexive and instinctive.
38:55 So, borderline personality disordered people, they're not egoal alien e they're ego congruent. They're not ego
39:06 alien. In other words, their personality feels to them natural, acceptable.
39:13 It is important, however, to make the distinction that the consequences of egoonic behavior may well become very
39:20 distressing for such a patient even if the performance of the behavior or the choice of the behavior is not
39:27 distressing. So this distinction is very important when you diagnose um borderline
39:34 personality disorders. By contrast, mood disorders such as major depression or
39:40 bipolar disorders, they're typically egoistonic. The behaviors are or ultimately become
39:48 inherently distressing to the person who exhibits these behaviors or acts this
39:54 way. So here is a diff here is an important differentiating feature or
40:00 criterion. Border lines don't feel bad about their actions. They feel bad about
40:07 the consequences of their actions. Whereas people with bipolar disorder feel bad about their actions. Personality disorders consist of egoistonic patterns of behavior, not egoistonic egoonic patterns of behavior,
40:23 not egoistonic ones. Okay. Um,
40:30 how do we treat borderline personality disorder? Not with medication. That's a common
40:37 misconception, especially online. There are no medications approved by any authority that I'm aware of. Definitely not by the FDA in the United States. There are no medications specific to
40:48 borderline personality disorder. Although there are medications which treat features of borderline
40:56 personality disorders such as for example depression or an anastia obsessivecompulsive features.
41:04 Typically borderline personality disorder is treated with different forms of psychotherapy. There are many approaches to borderline personality disorder and most of them what is common to most of them for
41:15 example schema therapy and so on is to emphasize the self-efficacy the sense of
41:22 self-efficacy and sense of selfworth of a patient. So they teach patients these
41:29 treatment modalities teach patients to recognize what triggers their effective reactions. Patients are also encouraged to connect actions to thoughts to
41:40 feelings to consequences. A a sequence that is often disrupted in
41:46 borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and other personality disorders. One
41:54 frequently recommended approach is of course dialectical behavior behavior therapy DB DBT. This is by far the most
42:03 efficacious uh method or treatment modality we have with borderline personality disorder and the recommended
42:10 one by me as well. Dialectical behavior therapy is widely used and effective
42:16 forms of cognitive behavior therapy that um um where we treat border lines
42:24 resemble dialectical behavioral therapy. Clinical technically speaking, dialectical behavior therapy is
42:30 cognitive behavioral therapy modified because it involves also group a group
42:36 setting. The um DBT targets suicidal and selfharming
42:44 behavior using eight treatment strategies. Number one, dialectical
42:50 strategies foster the patients ability to accept reality as it is. Borderline
42:56 personality disorder as much as narcissistic personality disorder is about the rejection of reality or at the
43:03 very least the outsourcing of reality to an intimate partner or a special person.
43:09 Owning reality, accepting it, living in it is a crucial treatment treatment plan
43:16 goal. Therapists accomplish this through the use of myth and paradox, a focus of
43:23 on reality as constantly changing, the non-resolution of ambiguity, learning to
43:29 live with ambiguity and be comfortable with it, and cognitive challenging and restructuring. The second element in DBT
43:37 is problem solving. A variety of strategies that support the patients ability to recognize sources of distress
43:44 and address them in an adaptive way, not a maladaptive way. Validation strategies
43:51 you utilize empathy, non-judgmental acceptance, and the patients own
43:58 resources. Irreverent communication strategies call for the therapist to respond in a matter
44:05 of fact, irreverent way to the patient suicidal tendencies. Not to panic,
44:12 not to definitely not to chastise or criticize the patient, not to react in
44:19 any emotional way, but to deal with the suicidal ideation and sometimes with suicidal threats
44:25 matter of factly, with a cool head and with irreverence. not to elevate or um
44:33 the suicidal act or the suicidal ideiation into some kind of ideology or religion to give it to give it respect. Such strategies are in direct constant
44:44 uh contrast to validation strategies. Consultant strategies emphasize the
44:50 therapist role as a consultant to the patient. The therapist in DBT has an active role.
44:59 is he doesn't just sit back. He doesn't just mirror the patient or or but the
45:05 therapist in DBT is a friend of the patient, an active participant in the
45:11 patient uh participant the patient's life. The therapist for example gives the patient uh advice. Um it's it's not it's a partnership in in
45:24 the full-fledged sense and in many ways the therapist becomes a consultant to
45:30 the patient but also kind of friend by proxy or vicarious friend. Um
45:40 the idea is for the therapist to work with the patient
45:47 in a way that creates some kind of emotional alliance.
45:55 So the consultant in the case of DBT is less attuned to other treatment
46:02 professionals which may be dealing with the patient and more to the patient is more on the patients side. Capabil
46:10 capability enhancement strategies serve to keep patients engaged in acquiring and practicing skills required to cope with everyday life. Everyday life in
46:21 borderline personality disorder is very overwhelming and may lead to mood disorders and and
46:28 substance abuse disorders and so on. So teaching the borderline patient skills on how to deal with daily life and how to develop self-efficacy and how to obtain outcomes which are either desired
46:42 or beneficial. This is a crucial aspect of DBT. Relationship strategies emphasize building a strong patient therapist relationship as I've mentioned and the belief is that addressing interpersonal problems with within this relationship between therapist and
46:58 patient as they arise learning to apply these skills to other relationships in
47:04 the patient's life might ultimately lead to the permanent lifelong acquisition of
47:12 the ability to interact with other people in ways which are not dysfunctional or harmful. So in other
47:19 words, the relationship between the patient and the therapist or the consultant in DBT is the prototypical
47:27 relationship. The patient then learns to take this relationship and all the lessons that it
47:34 it had wrought and applied to other relationships where
47:40 the consultant is absent. It is in a way a reenactment of childhood where the
47:46 patient is allowed to grow through the interaction with the consultant. The consultant fulfills the equivalent of a
47:54 parental role. Contingency strategies involve the therapist being upfront with the patient
48:00 about what outcomes reasonably can be expected from the therapy. There's no exaggeration of the potential benefits of the therapy. So borderline personality disorder may
48:13 be treated adjunctively with medication when appropriate. There are no medications approved. I I
48:19 repeat this. It's not true what you hear online that there there are cures for borderline personality disorder let
48:26 alone narcissistic personality disorder. There is a broad spectrum of
48:32 pharmacologic agents, psychopharmarmacology uh um psychoph pharmacological
48:38 medications that can be used to address specific symptoms or presentations. Uh
48:45 for example, anti-depressants. There's been a review of randomized control trials and they found that u
48:52 certain anti-depressants were effective in decreasing symptoms of depression, hyper sensitivity in interpersonal
48:59 relationships and obsession in patients with borderline personality disorder.
49:07 Certiline I think was one of them. among mood stabilizers to pyramate and um yamotrogen and so on
49:16 so forth they were shown to reduce anger in patients with borderline personality disorder even antiscychotics um or lanzipin for example were found to
49:28 reduce anger paranoia anxiety and interpersonal sensitivity in patients
49:34 with borderline personality disorder again Coming back to the core core clinical observation,
49:46 treating borderline with medications has limitations, not small limitations.
49:54 Whereas some patients with borderline may respond to various medications initially, very few respond satisfactoryily over an extended period.
50:06 in specifically in borderline personality disorder medications are even less effective than in the general
50:13 general population or in other conditions. The duration of a of
50:19 pharmacological treatment should be time limited. There should be an ongoing review um and then the medication should be stopped when it's no longer effective. Borderline personality disorder is a
50:36 lifelong condition but the prognosis varies widely. We know that there is spontaneous healing or spontaneous losing of the diag of the diagnosis
50:48 later on in life. We know that DBT is very effective. Diagnostic criteria and standards have changed over time and presentations may
50:59 vary widely among patients. So predicting outcomes with precision is
51:05 very difficult. Research has shown that early onset borderline is associated
51:12 with poor functioning in adolescence. We know that much. So if someone is uh develops symptoms of
51:21 borderline personality disorder around the age of 12, the adolescence of such a person is likely to be highly chaotic and disturbed and dysfunctional and problematic.
51:32 Evidence also suggests that the course of adolescent onset borderline is
51:38 similar to that seen in adult populations. In other words, the later the borderline develops, the later the
51:44 borderline disorder develops, the better the prognosis. The rate of suicide
51:50 associated with border lines is estimated to range between 3% and 10%
51:57 depending on the cohorts and the populations and the age groups and the countries and the cultures and the societies and the religious affiliation and so on and so forth. We could generalize and say that
52:11 uh the rate of suicide in borderline personality disorder is definitely closer to 10% than to 3%.
52:20 Many people who qualify for a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder
52:27 um also commit suicide before presentation, before they've attended
52:33 therapy, before they presented themselves to a clinician. We strongly suspect that suicide is
52:41 highly associated, highly correlated with borderline personality disorder in nondiagnosed people. People go through
52:49 life sometimes without ever coming to clinical attention. It's not uncommon to diagnose borderline personality disorder in one's 30s or 40s or even 50s.
53:00 Evidence indicates that early diagnosis and intervention improve patient outcomes. The prognosis for borderline personality disorder is good
53:11 if you begin to work on yourself and attend for example DBT early on like in
53:19 your 20s or your teens even. Unfortunately, borderline personality
53:26 dis disorder very rarely presents in its purity. It's very rarely unadulterated
53:34 by other conditions. So most people with borderline personality disorder for example abuse substances. The coorbidity
53:42 there is very high and these people have an increased risk of suicide.
53:48 Substance dependence, substance abuse is commonly observed in patients with borderline personality disorder and
53:55 higher rates of comorbid psychiatric disorders are also seen in patients with BPD including mood disorders
54:02 particularly major depressive disorders, anxiety disorders and eating disorders.
54:09 Patients with borderline often experience sleep disturbances as I mentioned
54:15 and so the picture is complicated severely complicated by these co-orbidities.
54:25 Um let us now
54:32 um try to explore the new approach to borderline personality disorder that is embodied in the um in the um diagnostic
54:45 and statistical manual in the alternative model of borderline personality disorder which is
54:51 dimensional. I'm going to read to you what the DSM alternative model has to say because I think every word counts. It's a distillation of the latest knowledge.
55:04 It's regrettable that clinicians still use the DSM4's list of bullet points
55:12 because it's antiquated, does not reflect current knowledge and does not capture many aspects of borderline. So
55:20 here it is the alternative model. Typical features of borderline personality disorder are in instability
55:27 of self-image, personal goals, interpersonal relationships, and effects
55:34 accompanied by impulsivity, risk-taking, and or hostility.
55:40 Characteristic difficulties are apparent in identity, self-direction, empathy and/or intimacy
55:48 along with specific maladaptive traits in the domain of negative effectivity and also antagonism and or
55:57 disinhibition. Proposed diagnostic criteria in the alternative model. A moderate or greater
56:06 impairment in personality functioning manifested by characteristic difficulties in two or more of the
56:13 following four areas. Area number one, identity.
56:19 Marketkedly impoverished, poorly developed or unstable self-image often
56:25 associated with excessive self-criticism, chronic feelings of emptiness and dissociative states under
56:32 stress. Number two, self-direction, instability in goals, aspirations,
56:39 values, or career plans. Number three, empathy. compromised ability to
56:47 recognize the feelings and needs of others associated with interpersonal
56:53 hyper sensitivity. In other words, prone to feel slighted or insulted, hypervigilant
57:00 perceptions of others selectively biased toward negative attributes or vulnerabilities. And field number four, intimacy,
57:11 intense, unstable and conflicted close relationships marked by mistrust, neediness, and anxious preoccupation with real or
57:23 imagined aband imagined abandonment. Close relationships often often viewed
57:29 in extremes of idealization and devaluation and alternating between over
57:35 involvement and withdrawal. B. Four or more of the following seven
57:42 pathological personality traits at least one of which must be impulsivity,
57:49 risk-taking or hostility. Number one, emotional liability. An
57:55 aspect of negative affectivity, unstable emotional experiences and frequent mood changes, emotions that are easily aroused, intense, and or out of
58:07 proportion to events and circumstances. Number two, anxiousness, an aspect of
58:14 negative affectivity. Intense feelings of nervousness, tenseness, or panic, often in reaction
58:22 to interpersonal stresses. Worry about the negative effects of past unpleasant experiences and future negative possibilities.
58:33 Feeling fearful, apprehensive, and or threatened by uncertainty,
58:39 fears of falling apart or losing control. Number three, separation
58:45 insecurity. An aspect of negative affectivity. Fears of rejection by and or separation from significant others associated with
58:57 fears of excessive dependency and complete loss of autonomy.
59:03 Number four, depressivity. An aspect of negative affectivity. Frequent feelings of being down, miserable and or hopeless, difficulty recovering from such moods, pessimism about the future, pervasive shame,
59:19 feelings of inferior self-worth, thoughts of suicide, and suicidal behavior. Number five, impulsivity. An aspect of
59:30 disinhibition. Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli. Acting on
59:38 a momentary basis without a a plan or without consideration to out of
59:44 outcomes. Difficulty establishing or following plans. A sense of urgency and
59:50 selfharming behavior under emotional distress. Number six, risk risk-taking. An aspect
59:58 of disinhibition engage engagement in dangerous, risky,
60:04 and potentially self-damaging activities unnecessarily and without regard to consequences. Lack of concern for one's limitations and denial of the reality of personal
60:16 danger. And finally, hostility, an aspect of antagonism, persistent or
60:22 frequent angry feelings, anger or irritability in response to minor slides
60:30 and insults. And this delectable picture, clinical picture, encapsulates perfectly
60:37 all the aspects, psychonamic and behavioral borderline patient. Have fun.
62:38 it sends professor sanagn day again and he is a pioneer of narcissistic abuse
62:45 and the author of malignant self love and I hope this will be translated in Turkish soon and today we will talk about narcissism narcissistic personality disorder and borderline
62:57 personality disorder because in society uh they are confusing these illnesses. First, can we talk about the narcissistic personality disorder and the differences between borderline?
63:09 Yeah, thank you for having me. Good morning, Shanim. And um a warning, this
63:18 is going to be a long answer because uh there's a lot to to say. Mhm. You're completely right that there is a huge confusion between borderline personality disorder
63:29 and narcissistic personality disorder. And why is this important? Because many victims of narcissistic abuse actually
63:36 have borderline personality disorder. And many abusers actually have
63:42 borderline personality disorder, not narcissistic personality disorder. And if you get it wrong as a clinician or as
63:50 a member of a public or as a victim even then the whole attitude
63:56 is wrong and the outcomes are wrong. A proper diagnosis
64:02 is the precondition for healing of course but also for management to manage
64:08 a relationship to manage a therapeutic process to manage an interpersonal interaction to manage the workplace you
64:16 need to diagnose people correctly. Mhm. The differences between borderline personality disorder narcissistic
64:22 personality disorder are not small they're pretty substantial. So first of all
64:29 um borderline personality disorder was first described by Adolf Stern in 1938
64:36 long time ago. He didn't call it borderline personality disorder. He called it the borderline group.
64:43 So this was adult in 38. Then between the the 1930s and the 1980s there were
64:50 many studies about borderline personality disorder. It was the heyday of uh these studies and so we had people
64:57 like uh Otto Kberg and others and we had of course Kohut on the side of Nar
65:03 narcissism and at that at that point in time
65:10 um many prominent scholars believe that there is a deep
65:17 relationship between borderline personality organization borderline features borderline traits, borderline behaviors, borderline dynamics and narcissism. They believe there believe
65:29 that there is a profound ethological connection. In other words, something that leads to both conditions emerging
65:36 simultaneously. Kbeck suggested that borderline um is a defense uh sorry narcissism is a
65:45 defense against borderline. He said initially the person develops borderline and then it's terrifying and so the person defends against the borderline condition by becoming a narcissist. Then
65:58 every narcissist can be also borderline. We can say like this not every narcissist can be borderline because once you acquire the narcissistic defenses they take over and they
66:08 eliminate the borderline. Okay. There are of course people who are both borderline and narcissist. Of course
66:15 there is what we call a coorbidity. Mhm. Borderline the narcissism. It is not 40%, like self-study experts are saying.
66:23 There's a lot of nonsense online. One should be very careful. But yeah, there is a co-orbidity of of this kind.
66:31 Grotstein who was another psychonalist suggested that a child who is exposed to abuse and trauma
66:39 becomes more and more borderline and then at some point the child says I cannot tolerate this borderline condition. I want to become a narcissist. And the child attempts to become a
66:51 narcissist. If the narciss if this transition from borderline to narcissism fails, the child remains stuck in the borderline phase and will develop
67:02 borderline personality disorder. If it succeeds, the child will eliminate the
67:08 borderline, defend against it very efficiently, bury it in the unconscious and will
67:14 become a full-fledged narcissistic person. Mhm. And that's why Grotstein says that the borderline is a failed narcissist, someone who tried to become
67:27 a narcissist and failed. So this is generally the general overview of the connection between it. But when we when
67:34 we look at the clinical picture, when someone comes to a clinic to get some therapy or when someone needs to be diagnosed for example in court settings
67:45 or in prison or when someone needs to be um has undergone some kind of massive crisis and needs to be diagnosed, what we do, we look at what we call clinical features. We look at behaviors, we look at dynamics, we look at emotions, we look at cognitions and so on so forth.
68:01 And now I will go into the differences between the two conditions. We start with the elements of borderline
68:10 which exist in all types of borderline. There is no borderline. There is no
68:16 borderline personality disordered patient alive without these features.
68:23 There are other features which appear in some border lines and don't appear in
68:29 other border lines. But the ones I'm going to describe right now appear in all border lines. So the first thing is
68:38 emotional volatility, emotional disregulation. Um this is called effective effective
68:45 instability. That is when emotions negative and positive overwhelm the borderline,
68:53 disable the borderline. The borderline becomes paralyzed. Mhm. It's it's as if the borderline perceives emotions as threatening and then the borderline
69:04 freezes. She she freezes and uh it's a kind of defense against
69:10 this uh this situation. So all border lines have this. All border lines cope very badly with emotions. Emotions
69:17 disable paralyze them. The second element which is common to all border lines is mood. moodability,
69:24 ups and downs, cycle cycling and so on. Now this is not to be confused with
69:30 bipolar disorder. In bipolar disorder we also have cycling between depression and
69:37 mania or elation or euphoria. So we have this but there massive big
69:44 differences between bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. They are not the same condition as many many
69:51 Europeans so-called scholars and so-called clinicians they make this mistake very often. I I was in Austria
70:00 recently and uh I'm sorry to say but the pro the so-called professionals there
70:06 confuse BPD and bipolar. Mhm. So this is very serious confusion. Bipolar disorder
70:12 is a mood disorder. And the difference between bipolar disorder and BPD is that the cycles of
70:19 depression and mania are much longer in bipolar. They can last months, sometimes
70:25 years. Whereas in borderline personality disorder, the cycles are much much faster and typically they are between 4 hours and 4 days but never longer.
70:36 Second difference, the sleep patterns in uh in bipolar disorder are dramatically
70:43 different. to the sleep patterns in borderline. In borderline, the borderline patient finds it very
70:51 difficult to fall asleep, finds difficult to maintain sleep as insomnia and so on. Whereas the bipolar patient simply does not want to sleep.
71:03 It's is against sleeping, doesn't want to sleep. They resist sleeping. They resist sleeping when they are in the
71:09 manic phase. In the manic phase, the bipolar resists sleeping. does not want to sleep. And in the depressive phase of
71:17 bipolar disorder, the patient is hyperomniac. In other words, sleep, this
71:23 kind of patient sleeps 20 hours a day. That is in bipolar. Mhm. Not in borderline. In borderline, there's a constant state of sleep dysfunction,
71:34 constant state of insomnia or you know the sleep is always disturbed in the same way. So modelability. Next thing is the intensity of the
71:46 interpersonal relationships. Here is a major source of confusion.
71:52 Both the borderline and the narcissist idealize. Mhm. Overvalue and then
71:59 devalue both of them. The same cycle. Same cycle. Identical. The rel the
72:05 interpersonal pattern of relationship in borderline is indistinguishable totally
72:11 identical to the pattern of relationship in narcissism. They cannot be told apart. Mhm. However, what is different is the intensity.
72:24 Whereas in narcissism, the shared fantasy dictates the cycle of the
72:30 relationship is very robotic, very automatic. Mhm. It's as if the narcissist is going through the motions, is not really in it, is not really involved in it. It's
72:42 like acting. It's like going through, okay, phase two. Okay, phase three, what can I do? You know, I have to go through
72:48 it. Is it's it's as if the narcissist is one step removed from the relationship. is like observing maybe the relationship or so you could see in in narcissism a
72:59 pattern of detachment whereas in borderline the relationship is super
73:05 intense the intensity is enormous it's fire it's brimstone it's uncontrollable
73:11 it's dramatic super dramatic it's so this is common to borderline actually not to narcissist and the intensity is a differentiating feature between
73:22 narcissism and and borderline. But in this relational disorder, this is called
73:28 relational disorder. In this relational disorder, the borderline also starts by
73:34 love bombing, devaluing, idealizing and then devaluing the the partner. In this sense, it's the same. Um the splitting defense in borderline
73:46 is the same as a splitting defense in narcissism. So that's what allows the borderline to idealize. You're all good.
73:54 You can do no wrong. You're perfect. You're amazing. You're unprecedented. I've never had anyone like you. And so
74:00 on. And then immediately transition to I hate you. You're horrible. You everything you do is wrong. And they're all real emotions that time. All this is perceived as authentic or or ego
74:13 not ego alien, ego congrent. So the the borderline perceives all this as real
74:19 coming from the inside and and so on and so forth. But in her case in the in the
74:25 case of the borderline it's much more as I said dramatic and intense than in the case of the narcissist. And this is why it's very difficult for victims of narcissistic abuse because the
74:37 narcissist treats treats you when you're the intimate partner treats you kind of object. You're objectified, Ku. He, yes, he will love bomb you and idealize you and but
74:49 you always have a feeling that it's not really about you. The idealization in the case of narcissism is about the
74:55 narcissist and about the about the process. The narcissist is like invested in the process, not in you. It could be
75:02 anyone. There's a feeling that it could have been anyone. It didn't have to be me as the intimate partner, but it could
75:09 have been anyone. And and very often victims of narcissistic abuse discover that the narcissist repeats the same pattern with the same behaviors with the same sentences with the same words with
75:22 multiple potentials at sometimes at the same time at the same time because there's no no attachment there's no what we call cexis there's no emotional investment whereas in borderline the
75:33 emotional investment the cexis is very clear very powerful overwhelming consuming it the drama
75:40 is oper opera oporatic you know like opera it's it's a production some major
75:46 production and so on so forth um in borderline we have something that
75:52 we don't have in narcissism and that is what we call the twin anxieties
75:58 we have a combination of abandonment anxiety by the way abandonment anxiety is or separation anxiety is not the
76:05 clinical term the clinical term is separation insecurity so we abandonment anxiety on the one hand and we have uh engulfment anxiety. So what happens with
76:16 the borderline? She seeks intimacy. She she wants love. I say she let it be
76:22 clear. Half of all border lines are men. Mhm. And half of all narcissists are women. Mhm. But I'm using she because of
76:29 historical reasons. So the borderline would look for love, for intimacy, for immersion, for merger, for fusion, for symbiosis, a a twinflame, a soulmate,
76:41 you know, a reflection, a copy, a clone. She would look for something like that and then uh she would approach and she would exper she would experience
76:53 this reaction from the partner. Mhm. And if the partner reciprocates,
76:59 provides this intimacy, affords this love, Mhm. the borderline panics,
77:06 she panics. She feels suffocated. She feels shackled, imprisoned. She feels she's dying and then she runs away. Avoidance. So we call it approach, avoidance, repetition, compulsion because it's compulsive. She cannot help it. So the borderline on the one hand
77:25 has severe abandonment anxiety. She's terrified of rejection, of being ignored, of criticism or exactly like
77:33 the narcissist in in this sense. But she has something the narcissist does not have engulfment anxiety and consequently
77:41 she cycles. And so this is the famous uh I hate you don't leave me. I hate you
77:47 don't leave me. Yeah. Dan, I will ask you something. When the relation is very good and very nice, then one type of an
77:55 anxiety starts. When the relation is going bad, another type of anxiety. She's always in anxiety. Always. Anxiety is the background background noise of um
78:08 borderline. Borderline is constantly anxious. She anticipates rejection,
78:14 humiliation, abandonment, and she panics. Mhm. And then she behaves in ways that cause the abandonment because
78:21 she becomes clinging or she becomes aggressive or she becomes demanding. But if this doesn't happen, if she has
78:28 no reason to anticipate rejection and abandonment because the partner is in love and you know then she panics
78:35 because that means she's going to disappear. Borderline is about merger, about fusing with the partner, becoming one with the partner like going back to the womb. It's symbiotic. It's creating a single
78:47 organism with two heads. This is a terrifying experience because it means that she has to disappear.
78:53 The borderline hands over outsources her mind to the intimate partner. She tells
78:59 the intimate partner, "From this moment on, you have perfect control over me. You can regulate my moods. You can make
79:06 me happy. You can make me depressed. I'm giving you this power. You can regulate my emotions." A smile from you would change my emotions. Uh if you criticize
79:18 me, you can change my emotions. So you have total power over me. She hands over agency, total power. Mhm. And that of
79:25 course creates panic because if someone is in total control of you, total ownership of you, someone is your
79:31 master, that means you're the slave. Mhm. Means you're as slave. And that is
79:37 a terrifying uh thought because what if the partner suddenly loses interest or
79:43 abandons you or what if a partner is evil and is going to abuse this access and this power and torture the borderline. There are all kinds of scenarios. The borderline is enormous
79:55 imagination. So all kinds of scenarios and she panics and she runs away. She destroys, she undermines the relationship. She sabotages the relationship in a variety of ways. She
80:06 could cheat. She could engage in infidelity. She could triangulate. She could triangulation means you
80:13 introduce a third party into the relationship. And in order to provoke the f the intimate partner, she could um
80:20 she could literally undermine and sabotage the goss of the intimate partner. She could even uh place the
80:27 intimate partner in in at risk by, I don't know, going to the police or to the tax authorities and snitching on the
80:34 partner. there's no end to what you can do in order to destroy the intimate relationship because what threatens the
80:41 borderline but that doesn't just uh give harm to the people and uh it it
80:49 doesn't just give harm to the relation then she can give harm to the person also one way to get rid of the one way
80:57 legally one way to get rid of the relationship is to get rid of a partner it's a border when you get rid of a
81:03 partner there's no relationship. It is the relationship that threaten that threatens the the borderline.
81:11 Another thing in borderline which is less common in narcissism is anger. Not
81:18 necessarily rage but anger. With narcissism we have narcissistic rage. Mhm. But narcissistic rage is reactive.
81:26 If you disagree with the narcissist, criticize the narcissist, humiliate the narcissist and so on so forth, the
81:32 reaction might be might be not always narcissistic rage. Mhm. In borderline
81:39 the background is anger. Like anxiety, exactly like anxiety, the anger is always there, very close to the surface. Is very easy to provoke the the
81:50 borderline. And she is constantly angry. And this anger manifests in in
81:56 outbursts. But she can also be passive aggressive or she can be angry as a state of mind.
82:04 She could be constantly angry. It's angry person. You know anger is a is a crucial element in u in borderline. It's
82:12 inappropriate and it's uncontrolled and it defines the borderline.
82:18 And finally another psychological feature of all border lines. So everything I just described is is common
82:25 and valid for all border lines. Basic border lines, all types. Yes. These are
82:31 the the clinical features which are common to all border lines. So um and the last one is emptiness. The
82:37 borderline feels empty inside. She feels a void. She she feels like she is a
82:43 black hole and she has to fulfill this emptiness somehow. So some of them fulfill the emptiness with theatrics and
82:51 dramatics. Some of them feel fulfill the hope hope to fulfill the emptiness via the intimate partner. This kind of borderline might say you are my world, you're my life, I'm living for you. Mhm.
83:03 You know, uh the borderline develops a multiplicity of techniques to cope with
83:10 the emptiness and to fulfill it somehow because the alternative is to experience
83:16 the emptiness which leads usually to self harm, selfmutilation, cutting and
83:23 so on and suicidal ideiation. depending on the population of border
83:29 lines between 3% and 11% of border lines um die of suicide.
83:36 That's a huge number. It means that one of every 10 border lines would end his or her life um and that is the leading
83:44 cause of death among border lines. Suicide, not cancer, not suicide. Okay.
83:51 So these are the core features of border. Now let's talk about other clinical features
83:58 which are common but you could be a borderline without them. Mhm. These
84:04 clinical features you could be diagnosed with borderline and not have these features. You cannot be diagnosed with borderline unless you have the features that I mentioned until now. These are um
84:15 minimum requirements to be diagnosed. But now there's many others and we'll talk about we'll talk about them um
84:21 again. I will compare all the time to narcissist. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Number one is identity disturbance or identity diffusion. Uh the borderline's identity is not
84:34 stable. So on Monday she has some values. She
84:40 has some beliefs. She's committed to a certain course of action. She has plans for her life. Uh she has attitudes. She has motivations. That's on Monday. on
84:51 Wednesday, she will be the exact opposite than Monday. So on Monday, she could she could say, "People who cheat on their spouses should be executed. I hate cheating. There's nothing worse than infidelity." Then on Wednesday, she will go to a bar, she will pick up a
85:08 stranger and she will cheat with him. Uh she so that's an example of what we call axiological shift, shift in values, but also beliefs. She can say on Monday
85:19 I believe in God. Uh definitely God is managing my life. I find solace and
85:26 comfort in God and so on. And then on Wednesday she will espouse the most extreme form of atheism and and so on. So there no stability not in values not in beliefs not in attitudes not in motivations not of course her plans change all the time. On Monday she wants
85:42 to go to study agriculture. On Wednesday, she decided to be a mathematician and on Friday she would be
85:49 a traditional wife and housewife. Of course, until next Monday when she would want to become an astronaut. Yeah. Uh
85:55 are they aware of the shiftings? Not really because u one major problem
86:02 with borderline and that is opposed to what people believe is that border lines are
86:08 egoonic. In other words, border lines feel comfortable with who they are.
86:14 Now that's very import uh important distinction. A borderline
86:20 might feel guilty or ashamed for what she had done. She might also feel distressed, disappointed and angry because of the consequences of her actions, the
86:32 outcomes. But when it comes to herself, she feels good with who with who she is. She's
86:39 egotoic. Mhm. She actually is grandiose. Borderlands are grandios exactly like narcissist. So she would regard herself as superior in some way super super
86:50 beautiful drop dead gorgeous. She's gorgeous and you drop dead um you know all kinds of she would aggrandise herself in her own mind and so she is egoonic and in her mind these shifts in identity
87:03 this cataclysmic transitions are fully justified. She would say for example,
87:10 yeah, I wanted to study agriculture on Monday, but then I did some search online and there's no future in this. So
87:16 that's why now I want to be an astronaut. I think astronauts will go to Mars with Elon Musk and so I want you know this kind of thing. She would invent some excuses very easily. Yeah. Some story.
87:28 Okay. So identity diffusion or identity disturbance is pretty common in border
87:34 lines but not all in all. Next is dissociation.
87:40 More extreme border lines. Border lines where the personality organization is seriously disturbed. Seriously, where
87:49 actually the personality is not put together at all, is kaleidoscopic, broken, shattered, fragments, you know,
87:55 this kind of borderline, the extreme end of the spectrum would pro would usually have dissociation. she would dissociate
88:02 when she finds herself in a situation of stress or extreme anxiety. For example,
88:08 when she anticipates um rejection or humiliation or experiences abandonment or in these conditions she falls apart. She goes through a process called decompensation. All decompensation all the defenses crumble or or are disabled and she
88:26 remains without a skin. It's like she doesn't have a skin. She's in direct touch with reality and has no defense,
88:32 no firewall, nothing. At that point, she has essentially um only one option. She
88:40 acts out. She externalizes aggression in some way. There's a lot of aggression,
88:46 anger that is boiling and building and so on. There's a lot of fear, anxiety,
88:52 and so to somehow get rid of these emotions, she would act out. She would do something crazy. Mhm. But because
89:00 whatever she is about to do is socially unacceptable and she hates some of her
89:06 actions, she would later feel bad, guilty, ashamed. She knows it. So she would do it and forget about it. But I
89:14 mean forget not she's not pretend pretending. She simply is not there. So we have three types of dissociation in borderline. We have amnesia simply forgetting what
89:27 happened. So she could sleep with a stranger, you know, on a one night stand and she would not remember it. Even when
89:33 she's confronted with evidence and so on, she would be shocked. She would not have no recollection of the event. Even
89:39 when she's not drunk, um she could derealize. Derealization is
89:45 when she go she does something but it feels like a movie. It feels unreal.
89:51 And depersonalization is when she does something but she feels that she is not there. So her body is there and someone is penetrating her or doing something to
90:02 the body. She has left her body. She is not there.
90:08 So these are all forms of dissociation and dissociation is common in more extreme cases. Similarly in more extreme cases we have a very dangerous process actually which is paranoid ideiation. more extreme border lines become
90:25 paranoid easily and then when they become paranoid and because borderline is a disorder of
90:32 aggression when they become paranoid they become positively dangerous
90:38 absolutely dangerous. If they if the borderline identifies you as as a threat
90:44 she may wish to take you out somehow poison you kill you do something you know just to reduce the anxiety. So
90:51 externalized aggression in extreme borderline is anxolytic. It reduces anxiety. Mhm. None of the things I described applies to narcissism. Narcissists don't have identity
91:03 diffusion at least not in the borderline way. They don't they they don't
91:09 dissociate. Narcissists don't dissociate only under stress like borderline. They dissociate all the time. Uh narcissists have paranoid ideiation but only when they collapse. Mhm. The paranoia is a form of grandiosity. I'm
91:25 important. People are conspiring against me. People have malevolent intentions because I'm very crucial. I'm very superior. People envy me. So they want to So this is the the narcissism type of paranoia. But in narcissism, paranoid
91:40 ideation is pretty limited to the collapse and is never aggressive. Mhm.
91:46 paranoia would not lead the narcissist to act against anyone. Um and so the differences are very important.
91:57 Next is the fact that both narcissists and border lines have a
92:03 false self. This is something that people don't know. They think only narcissists have a false self. It's not
92:09 true. Borderline also has a false self. And similarly the borderline is grandiose exactly like the narcissist. And similarly she has a fantasy exactly like the narcissist. So what's the difference? These are critical features in narcissism. And if the borderline has
92:25 all of them maybe maybe it's true that borderline is a narcissist. The answer
92:31 is no. Because the content of the false self and the content of the fantasy and
92:38 the content of the grandiosity are very very different. M dear dear fantasmism to narcissism. Yes. Whereas in
92:45 narcissism the fantasy is about the narcissist the grandiosity of the narcissist. The the fantasy in
92:52 narcissism is what we call selfenhancing. It's a fantasy that makes the narcissist bigger in some way more
93:00 intelligent more. So a narcissist could have a fantasy that he's a genius. There will be a classical cerebral narcissist
93:07 fantasy. Or a narcissist could have a fantasy that is sexually irresistible. That's also a typical narcissistic
93:13 fantasy. But the fantasy is about self-enhancing the cognitive distortion, the grandio
93:21 narrative, the grandio self-concept of the narcissist, which is inflated and unrealistic and counterfactual. In
93:28 borderline, the fantasy is about the partner, not about herself. The fantasy
93:34 is not a reimagining of the borderline. It's not about the borderline. The f the typical fantasy of the borderline. I found him. I found the one. He is going
93:46 to be my rock. Now someone knows me like no one else.
93:53 Someone um can therefore because he knows me and loves me because of course
93:59 it's all dramatic. The love is intense and amazing and never before and so on. So now this person will be able to reach
94:06 into my mind and regulate my emotions, stabilize my moods and generally make me
94:13 harmonious in harmony, make me feel at peace with myself, inner peace, reduce
94:21 my anxiety, take away my anxiety. I will not be anxious anymore. Wonderful. I found instant therapy in the in the
94:29 intimate partner. So the border lines fantasy is exteriorized. It's a fantasy about someone else.
94:37 Can we fall in love now very easily? Like for example uh the the narcissist
94:43 can change their supply very easily. Can borderline do that too? Yes. And and then uh then they can find their real love so much. But uh both narcissist and
94:56 border lines don't don't love. Yeah. This is not love. It's their fantasy as uh but as you said she thinks that she found the one then she can find too
95:08 many ones. Yes. You can the difference between borderline and and narcissist is the discard phase. Mhm. Whereas the
95:15 narcissist discards off-handedly instantaneously and without any visible emotion. Just discards like so much trash. Mhm. You're no longer useful or
95:26 you contradicted the shared fantasy or you criticized the narcissist or you deviated, diverged from the internal
95:32 object that represents you in the narcissist's mind and so on. So you're all bad, you're devalued. Narcissist
95:39 splits you. You're all bad. And as an all bad corrupt object, the narcissist
95:45 throws you to the garbage the same way he would throw to the garbage a battery that is finished or a smartphone that's
95:52 no longer working. So the discarding narcissism is callous, is cruel, is cold, is is is calculated,
96:01 objectifies the discarded person and so on. Whereas the borderline does not does not do it this way. The borderline uh approaches and avoids and she would
96:13 do it many many times before she gives up on the partner. Oh, she would she
96:19 would approach the partner and run away and come back and try again and she
96:25 would doesn't give up on the partner very easily. Once she has given up on the partner, she immediately finds an
96:32 alternative. Exactly like the narcissist. First they find someone and jump to another one. Not always. They
96:38 can give time. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Uh but that's in healthy people also. Uh narcissists seek revenge or
96:45 borders seek revenge because there are uh I think borders can revenge is more
96:51 common in in borderline because borderline is much more aggressive than the narcissist. Revenge is most common
96:57 among border lines and psychopaths less common about in narcissism and that's a form of aggression simply and um and I want to ask you something
97:08 as you answered before but in in generally we think that narcissists are
97:14 men borders are women u but here you told that there are 50% uh in in average
97:22 what are the differences between the men and woman, border woman and border man.
97:28 There are no psychological differences. There are no psychonamic differences between narcissistic men and
97:35 narcissistic women, borderline men and borderline women. They are identical as far as psychology, clinical psychology.
97:42 However, society, culture informs informs women and men how to
97:50 behave. This is called gender roles. There are gender roles, there expectations, social expectations. There's a process of socialization. There are all kinds of social cues. There are all kinds of social sanctions.
98:01 If you misbehave, if you're a woman and you behave as a man, you would be punished. If you're a man and behave as
98:07 a woman, you would be punished. So, there are great incentives to conform to gender roles. Now, of course, gender
98:13 roles change all the time. No question about it. But they it's not true that gender roles have been eliminated.
98:19 That's complete nonsense. they've just been transformed massively. Um the pathology would express itself
98:28 via the gender role. So the pathology conforms to the gender role.
98:34 A woman in a traditionalist society, conservative society, patriarchal
98:40 society, her narcissism would express itself through her children. Mhm. She
98:46 would brag about the children. She would boast with the children. The children will be the sources of supply in such a
98:53 society. Or she may be a perfect housewife or a perfect mother or perfect wife and she would be ostentatious about
99:00 it. She would brag about it. She would inform everyone that she's perfect. And so that's an example of manifestation of narcissism in traditionalist society with women. Mhm. A man in in this
99:11 society may be for example ambitious and competitive
99:17 or maybe uh his locus of grandiosity. His grandiosity would be that he is a
99:23 good person that he is charitable, that he's helpful, that is a good member of
99:29 the community or the collective. We call this pro-social narcissism. So
99:35 society and culture dictate how the narcissism and the borderline would be manifested in women and men and this is the main constraint. But as far
99:48 as the psychology, it's identical. There are no differences. Then um both narcissists and
99:55 borders can control their behaviors when there are consequences. Then they know
100:01 how to control their behaviors. Border lines cannot actually but narcissists can. Border lines cannot control their
100:08 behaviors. They are what we call impulsive. The impulsivity in uh in borderline is uh is is so big that the borderline is unable to take into
100:21 account the consequences of her of her actions and so on so forth. And she just acts. She is impulsive as we as we call it and that's why border lines are
100:32 considered to be reckless. In other words, they act in ways which endanger themselves as well as others. Mhm. So
100:40 they would engage in unsafe sex or they would they would drink too much. Substance abuse is very common in
100:46 borderline because there is an element of of recklessness, an element of uh of
100:55 a kind of variant of self harm and self-destructiveness. So um border lines cannot but narcissists definitely can
101:03 and do adjust or control their behaviors according to the setting. So we know for
101:09 example that narcissist in total institutions total institution is a place where you have to spend all the
101:15 day and all the night you cannot leave the place. So total institution is a prison or hospital or the army this kind
101:23 of places. So we know that in total institutions narcissist people diagnosed with
101:29 narcissistic personality disorder lose all the narcissistic behaviors.
101:35 Don't don't they don't show a single narcissistic behavior because in prison if you behave in a narcissistic way if
101:42 you're contemptuous if you're entitled if you're dismpathic if you are aggressive if you you're dead simply
101:48 dead suddenly the narcissist is the nicest person they know what they do
101:54 then they know what it's clear that narcissists can control and modify their behaviors at will. M they definitely can and they just don't care to do that.
102:05 They don't care enough to do that. However, we should not confuse behaviors with internal dynamics. Mhm.
102:13 The dynamics of narcissism, for example, the motivation why to do something. All
102:19 these are intact. They're untouched. They cannot be cured or healed or changed or they're fixed for life.
102:26 They're lifelong. These are not affected by the environment. Mhm. this but the behaviors
102:34 definitely we also know that in therapy uh we have great success at modifying in
102:40 all kinds of therapy in schema therapy to some extent CBT uh gestalt we know
102:47 that in many the treatment modalities we are pretty successful at convincing the
102:53 narcissist to eliminate or to reduce or to modify abrasive behaviors antisocial
102:59 behaviors unpleasant behaviors, socially unacceptable behaviors. We do it very frequently. Very often, for example, if
103:07 the narcissist is afraid to lose his family or all his money or his reputation or his position, the overwhelming majority of narcissists
103:19 would modify their behaviors. even behaviors that lasted for decades. Even behaviors that became the hallmark or
103:26 the the badge of of the Nazis that he's known for these behaviors, but he would he would flip on a coin and the
103:33 behaviors would be gone. So yes, um there is control in in narcissism.
103:41 Um uh which uh which disorder is easier to diagnose?
103:47 Borderline is a lot easier to diagnose. A lot easier. But both both disorders
103:54 um within a few sessions, three to five sessions with a with a patient. Both disorders can be diagnosed safely. So it's not like uh you know it's something
104:05 that would take years or decades to diagnose it. It's pretty these are pretty visible visible disorders. It's uh um I mentioned I mentioned uh many
104:20 elements uh that are common to to borderline and not common in narcissism. In narcissism also we don't have suicidal ideiation. Narcissist is not suicidal. Narcissists do not self harm.
104:33 They do not mutilate or cut themselves or whatever. However, when the narcissist goes through extreme stress, collapse, narcissicity modification, the
104:45 narcissist suddenly begins to resemble a lot borderline patient, mood disorders,
104:52 borderline. He begins to resemble a lot the borderline patient. So he he loses the defenses. When he loses the
104:59 narcissistic defenses, what remains under it is the borderline. So there is an affinity between borderline and narcissism. And one could say that narcissism is a kind of repressed
105:11 borderline, suppressed borderline. U narcissism could be described as a series of techniques and strategies to
105:19 mitigate or to eliminate um borderline personality organization exactly like
105:25 Kernburg suggested. But on presentation in a clinical setting definitely narcissism and borderline are not the
105:36 same. They should and can be uh distinguished. Let me have a look if I if there's something I missed. Ah yes, one thing maybe
105:52 one thing maybe um that is
105:59 psychosis. So I've got psychosis and uh other self states
106:06 when the narcissist and the and the borderline are exposed to pressures and stresses that they cannot manage which increase the anxiety and make it make the anxiety overwhelming and so on. Both
106:17 of them sometimes develop psychosis. Mhm. The psychot the psychosis is very
106:23 brief could last a few minutes a few hours maximum three or four days and
106:29 this is known as psychotic micro episodes. So they have this psychotic reaction to stress but before they reach
106:38 this final stage of psychosis they go through transformations. Mhm. The narcissist becomes borderline when under stress and the borderline
106:49 becomes secondary psychopath. So when you pressure a borderline,
106:55 threaten her, abandon her, humiliate her, reject her, she is likely to become highly psychopathic. she won't feel remorse or she would become psychopathic in the sense that she would uh she would
107:07 be defiant, she would be aggressive, she would be reckless, she would be consumacious, she would reject authority
107:13 and so on. But I I didn't say primary psychopath. A primary psychopath does
107:19 not experience regret or remorse. Secondary psychopath does. So secondary
107:25 psychopath is a psychopath who has emotions and empathy. Mhm. So it's the
107:31 borderline becomes a psychopath behaviorally but emotionally she still retains the
107:39 capacity for emotions. Mhm. And the capacity for empathy. So borderline has empathy.
107:47 Borderline we used to think that borderline has empathy like healthy people or even more. But today we know
107:53 that borderline has empathy and but it's very reduced. Mhm. We did discover
107:59 however pretty recently that borderline has cold empathy exactly like narcissist
108:05 and psychopath. A borderline is able to scan you immediately discover your
108:11 weaknesses, vulnerabilities, fears and so on vectors of attack and she would
108:17 use this but she would use this information not like the psychopath. The psychopath would use this information to
108:24 get your money or to have sex with you. Mhm. The narcissist would use this information to convert you into a source
108:31 of narcissistic supply or participant in the shared fantasy. The borderline would use this information to make you into
108:38 her intimate partner or special person. Mhm. So that she can obtain the sakur
108:44 and the support and the love and the intim intimacy and so on that she's looking for. Manipulation a bit. I think
108:50 all all these interactions involve manipulation. Mhm. The most extreme form
108:56 of manipulation is codependency. In codependency, the codependence message is I can't manage without you. I can't live without you. I can't do
109:07 accomplish things without you. I need you. Neediness is the core of codependency. Clinging. And that is of
109:15 course highly manipulative. It's what we call control from the bottom. Codependent controls you by being
109:22 submissive. There's no form of control more extreme and pernicious and insidious than
109:29 submissiveness. When you're submissive, you're totally in control. When you have a family member who is constantly sick,
109:36 you know. Mhm. And you would feel obligated to be there to help to and you
109:43 would never leave this person because if you leave her, she would die. So it's control. It's manipulation. Submissiveness is a form of control. Anyone who engages in BDSM in uh BDSM is
109:58 a kind of sex. Yeah. Sodomistic sex. Anyone would tell you that the person
110:04 who is really in control in the BDSM sex is the submissive, not the dominant.
110:10 The submissive person is in control. The dom or dominant person is just doing what the submissive wants.
110:16 Submissiveness is a major form of control. Codependents use it. Some border lines use it. Some border lines
110:22 are play the submissive. It's very difficult for borderline to play the submissive because she's grandiose.
110:29 Because she wants to be the boss, but she's grandiose. She thinks she's superior. She thinks she's so it's
110:35 difficult for her. A borderline who is submissive is faking acting.
110:42 So that's the difference between bord manipulation also. Yes. But intentional. Whereas in codependency, the codependent
110:50 is submissive and it's not intentional. It's who she is. It's her nature. No.
110:56 But in borderline, it's not her nature. She is faking it. Because the the real core of borderline is as grandios as a narcissist. Borderline is as grandio as narcissist. Exactly. Maybe sometimes
111:08 more. Mhm. So that's why border lines and and narcissists come often come together because the affinity the closeness
111:20 there's a huge um psychological closeness between narcissists and they resemble each other very much and they
111:28 give each other a perfect solution. Yeah. Their needs are compatible. M the borderline is looking for a strong self-confident person who would regulate control her.
111:42 That's the narcissist's wet dream to control someone, you know. So narcissist loves it. He's in control. He's in charge. He's the master. He's this. And she and she feeds the narcissist. She
111:54 tells you, "You're amazing. You're incredible. You're you're this. You're irresistible. You're genius.
112:00 And the narcissist experiences narcissistic elation. She becomes a drug. The borderline becomes the drug of
112:07 the narcissist and fulfills all his needs in. So she weaves she creates the
112:13 exact shared fantasy that the narcissist wants. The narcissist on the other hand
112:19 also also caters to the needs of the borderline. It's also very good for the borderline because narcissists
112:26 are good at regulating other people externally. Narcissism, pathological narcissism is about regulating other
112:34 people from the outside. If the narcissist wants you as a source of narcissistic supply, he would manipulate
112:42 you psychologically. He would regulate you psychologically, externally from the outside so that you give him supply. So
112:48 they are the masters of fantasy. Narcissists are the masters of fantasy and the masters of external regulation
112:55 which is exactly what the borderline has been looking for all their life. You know that also explains current
113:02 political realities because people all over the world all over the world can't survive in reality
113:09 anymore. Reality is too much for them. Yes. Everyone is looking now. Everyone
113:15 there's no country to best of my knowledge that is an exception. Mhm. Everyone now is looking for a fantasy.
113:21 And who is who is the world's leading authority on fantasy? The narcissist. Yeah. So if you're looking for fantasy, naturally you would have narcissistic leaders and narcissistic intellectuals
113:33 and narcissistic scientists and narcissistic everything because they can give you the perfect fantasy. They've
113:39 been doing it since age three. You know, they're building fantasies. They are the experts. the the and so
113:47 and and of course because everyone and now I'm talking about collectives huge collectives nation states and I'm talking about the totality of humanity because all humanity now is looking for
114:00 fantasies yes narcissist rise to the top and they give the fantasy but then that means that the other side becomes borderline then the society comes borderline society becomes more and more borderline line because this is the natural
114:16 combination. Narcissist borderline. That's why societies are so angry now. Angry, labile, up and down the mood,
114:24 aggressive. Aggressive. Yes. These are all borderline features. Suicidal. People are drinking much more, doing drugs much more, committing suicide much more. That's right. And so on. Suicide
114:35 went up four times, five times in certain age groups. So we're becoming more borderline all the time. Mhm. And
114:41 we're becoming more borderline because the organizing principle nowadays is fantasy. And in charge of fantasy are
114:48 the fantasy makers, the geniuses of fantasy, narissists. Again, not only in politics, in science. I see fantasy
114:55 definitely in science. I've been a scientist all my life since age nine. I see fantasy in science now, in physics,
115:02 in biology, in neuroscience. Of course, neuroscience is 90% fantasy. Physics now
115:09 is 70 80% fantasy. Nothing to do anymore with reality. Nothing. In physics today,
115:15 you have theories. Yes. That are completely divorced from reality like string theory. Mhm. You know, similarly
115:21 in neuroscience, they live in fantasy. They find one neuron or one gene and
115:27 immediately they declare that they they decoded the human mind. They they this is fantasy. When you make grandiose
115:34 claims, exaggerated claims, it's the major major clinical sign for fantasy
115:42 major. When you go to a neuroscientist and the neuroscientist tells you or geneticist and the geneticist tells you, I found the gene for gambling that minute you know this guy lives in
115:54 fantasy. That minute you know it because gambling is a super complex behavior with multiple layers and so on. Yes, of course, gambling would be connected to the genes. The genes are the hardware,
116:05 but probably to hundreds of genes or thousands of genes working together. Anyone who makes a claim that they found
116:12 the gene for gambling, and I'm kidding you or not, such a claim was made. This is a person who lives in fantasy. And
116:18 today, 90% of the claims are like that. 90%. And there are other fantasies like
116:25 if you were traumatized, you can pass it through the genes to your to your to next generation. That's complete fantasy. Today everything is fantasy in science, in politics, in cinema. Who needs
116:36 fantasy? Sorry. Why human beings need fantasy? Because the alternative sucks. Reality is unbearable, intolerable, unacceptable, frustrating, crushing, crushing. And uh and in the society when we see bad people, we think
116:53 that they are all disordered. Can a person be evil? and and he or she can't
117:01 have disorder also the vast majority of I don't know what is evil but the vast majority of abusers for example don't have any mental health disorder it's about control about power they call all bad people that can be narcissistic or psychopath or border no no a small
117:18 minority are the vast majority of people who are antisocial people who are who are self-interested
117:26 egotistical people who or abusers and so on so forth. There's nothing no mental health condition of any kind not only personality disord pure evil just someone someone may be emotionally
117:38 invested in control and power. Mhm. So this kind of person would abuse people
117:44 in a domestic in domestic violence for example there have been many studies about domestic violence bankrupt and many others and consistently we found the domestic
117:55 domestic abusers people who beat up women and children they don't have any
118:01 mental illness just anger issues anger anger issues control was the main thing power it's a power play same with rape majority of rapists are mentally healthy completely mentally healthy. It's just about power. It's a power play, you know. And the more society is organized
118:19 around the concept of power, the more it legitimizes abusive behavior, you know. So now you have abusive political leaders, abusive, you know, media figures, abuse, you have abusive influences. Yes. Like maybe Andrew Tate. you you have this kind of people where abuse is and
118:40 now you have abuse openly in the United States as a principle of government it's so again
118:48 there are massive social and cultural influences and they are much more important than mental illness yes among
118:55 among bad people as you call them or or power hungry people controlling people
119:01 and so on so forth culture and society are much more important components than And of course we have a perfect uh a
119:08 perfect experiment that is Nazi Germany where in Nazi Germany uh 3 million
119:14 people out of a population of uh about 55 million adults
119:21 3 million people joined the SS which was an evil organization. If ever
119:28 was an evil organization it's the SS. Three million people join. You can't say that all of them were mentally ill.
119:34 Yeah. And there has been a study by Goldhagen of the psychological profile of the people who executed the Jews in concentration camps in the gas chambers and executed them with a with a gun. So he studied their psychology and he discovered that almost the almost all of
119:55 them uh normal totally normal. They were accountants and lawyers and they had families and they had dogs and they
120:01 played music and they were all totally normal. uh they um he couldn't find crave uh power because of this they
120:09 maybe attent or no in their case in their case it was the influence of the influence of the culture and society
120:15 they didn't crave power they were normal people sadistic no they were not sadistic they were told by culture and
120:21 society that this is the right thing to do so they did they were told the Jews are enemies the Jews are dangerous and
120:28 there's a threat to Germany and you should kill them so they killed them it's so easy to control people
120:34 or manipulate. Yes, it's easy to control people because people have many, many needs that are unmet, repressed,
120:42 ignored. If you have the right equipment, you can detect what people need. Mhm. And then you can tell them
120:49 that you're going to give them what they need. You don't have to give them. You just have to tell them that you will give them. And that moment you create an
120:56 addiction and uh you're in full control from that moment. It's nothing to do with mental illness. Of course you have
121:02 of course mentally ill people like narcissists, psychopaths say this you have and they also in a society for
121:10 example uh personally disordered people uh percentage in the society a lot less
121:18 diagnosed because they don't come to therapy generally no one comes to therapy it's a common no one comes to
121:24 therapy not only narcissist border lines don't come to therapy psychotic people don't come to therapy then how can you
121:30 know the person to change okay so we statistical tools that allow us to learn from those who do come to therapy allow
121:36 us to extrapolate. How do you know who is going to be elected? You make Anketa,
121:42 you make opinion poll with 1,500 people and from 1,500 people, you learn about
121:49 40 million people. Mhm. Same in psychology. What is the person? We have a small group that do come to therapy
121:56 and from this small group, we learn about a bigger group. That's why statistics is a crucial tool in in
122:02 psychology. So the the the claim online that uh narcissists don't come to
122:09 therapy. So we don't know how many narcissists there are. It's nonsense. These are people who have no idea about psychology or science. You know like majority of people online. So we do know
122:20 exactly how many narcissist there are. We do know exactly how many border lines, exactly how many psychotic. We know about every every mental diagnosis
122:28 how many people there are narcissist in society it's probably around 2%.
122:38 People diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. However, there are many more people uh who have a
122:45 narcissistic style. Narcissistic style is subclinical narcissism. Narcissism
122:51 that cannot be diagnosed as a disorder. So these are people who are obnoxious. They lack empathy. They're exploitative. They're envious. But they don't this
123:02 doesn't amount to a disorder. They don't reach that level of disorder. They don't have, for example, uh extreme problems
123:09 with um telling the difference between internal and external. They don't have fantasy. People with narcissistic style
123:15 don't have a fantasy. Fantasy defense is unique to NPD, to the disorder, not to
123:21 the style. Mhm. They don't have a false self. Narcissist do. So the ones with
123:27 the disorder we are talking between depending on the period depending on the country and so on
123:33 between 1.7% and possibly up to 3%. Depending on the
123:39 country the average the global average is probably around 2%. 2% only. Yes. And
123:45 when you see self-styled experts online saying that one of every six people is a narcissist, whoever said that has no idea what he or she is talking about.
123:56 It's an ignorant person. Then in the society, narcissistic traits rise. Not the shared fantasy or the false stuff, but the traits rise. There is a rise in narcissistic traits. That's been
124:08 documented by Tweni and Campbell and others. That that much is true. I also think there's a rise in narcissistic style because narcissistic style is perceived nowadays to be positive and
124:20 leads to positive outcomes. So it's self-efficacious. It's a positive adaptation. In July 2016,
124:28 the the magazine New Scientist, which is a very important scientific magazine,
124:34 had a cover story, parents teach your children to be narcissist. So narcissism is becoming and even in some academic uh settings some faculties
124:46 including in Cambridge, United Kingdom where I work even in these settings you
124:52 have people saying that narcissism is a positive thing the next step in evolution very important narcissists are
124:59 good leaders of the military the the the corporate
125:05 companies economic companies Narcissist are good political ical leaders and so on. So there is a glorification and
125:12 glamorization and legitimization of narcissism nowadays and starting with
125:18 psychopathy now. Now you have a few academics Kevin Dutton and others that say that psychopathy is a great thing and we would not have survived without psychopath and we should put them in
125:28 charge. we should make them the leaders because they're much better at making decisions and that professors can be
125:34 psychopath also I don't know I don't know him personally but um you have an
125:40 incentive as an academic to say these things because the people in charge the people who give you the money the people they're all narcissists and psychopaths so of course it if you say such things you will be you will benefit you
125:53 understand even in social activism in social justice movements as I mentioned
126:00 Narcissists and psychopaths took over these movements. So this is established in studies. So So let's uh talk about
126:07 the narcissistic disorder types. So we can see who is who and we can understand
126:15 better. How many types? For generations there have been attempts to classify
126:22 narcissists. So initially there was the phallic narcissist. Don't ask. many many classifications. What is accepted today is that there are at least two types of
126:33 narcissists. One is known as the overt narcissist and one is known as the covert narcissist.
126:39 Both of them are grandios. Again, people online, so-called experts online make the mistake they say that the overt is
126:46 grandio. Both of them are grandios. The only difference is the covert fails to obtain supply. Con is in constant state of collapse. Mhm. Whereas the overt is good at obtaining supply.
126:58 That's basically the difference between them. The covert narcissist is passive aggressive. The main effect, the main emotion of the covert narcissist is envy. Envy
127:11 defines the covert nar. The covert narcissist is uh a bit more machavelian,
127:17 manipulative and so on. The overt narcissist is more open, more clear and
127:23 and so this this is the first very critical distinction. The covert narcissist is
127:29 vulnerable, is shy, usually fragile. The internal structure is very fragile, easy
127:36 to challenge the covert narcissist and easy to push the covert narcissist to motification and narcissistic injury.
127:44 Erh the covert narcissist is um regards himself as a victim victim of discrimination of or or victim of his
127:55 peers who are envious of him or victims of society and institution. So there is a lot more paranoid ideation in covert narcissism and persary delusions and
128:07 persary objects. The covert narcissist is um less likely to function well in
128:14 workplace settings in society and so on. So he's more likely to be homebound.
128:20 Uh and in this sense covert narcissists are more schizoid than overt narcissist. This is today the major distinction made
128:29 in and that is the only one acceptable to all scholars. Mhm. other distinctions which I will discuss in a minute not yet accepted by everyone but this distinction is accepted by everyone
128:41 there's only one problem with it and the problem is that all narcissists are sometimes overt and sometimes covert
128:48 they can shift so yes so it's not true to say that you are either that or that
128:54 it seems that these are states states of all narcissists all narcissists can be this or this when the overt narcissist is fails to obtain narcissistic supply on a regular basis and therefore collapses. He becomes over covert. He becomes very
129:12 vulnerable, very fragile, very hypervigilant, um depressed, dysphoric,
129:20 and then he withdraws. He becomes schizoid, the overt the overt narcissist withdraws from from society because it's painful. He cannot obtain supply. So he withdraws and he begins to hate people.
129:33 He's resentful. He's envious. And he begins to sabotage people and institutions becomes passive aggress.
129:40 And at that minute that's a covert narcissist and he self-supplies. He self-supplies as a as a interim stage
129:47 between overt and covert. But when everything fails, he becomes covert. So
129:53 overt becomes covert. The covert takes time, recovers, finds new victims, new
129:59 sources of supply, moves to another location, establishes a new pathological space, and after 7 years, 2 years, 5 years, 6 months, 2 days, he becomes overt. Mhm. Overt, covert, covert, overt. All narcissists have these phases. We today begin to believe that
130:19 uh what happens is the overts uh
130:25 and and are less likely to to be in clinical settings. They're less likely
130:31 to go to therapy or less likely to be studied by clinical psychologist and so on than the coverts. So we are getting a distorted picture in clinical practice.
130:44 the coverts would be over represented in academia. The overts would be over
130:50 represented. So that's why we think that there are two types but there are not two types. When the overt collapses there is for example suicidal ideiation,
131:01 there is emotional uh dysregulation, emotional ability. The covert, the overt panics and then it is
131:09 then that the overt goes to therapy. M the overt go to therapy when they hit rock bottom when there's nothing left
131:17 they lost everything they lost spouses they lost children they lost their money they were in prison they are disaster
131:25 kartoa then the overt would go to therapy just for depression but the dead
131:31 depression at that point though the overt is no longer overt he is covert so
131:37 the therapist would see a covert while this person only a year ago was totally overt, would never dream to go to therapy, you know, and the academics they studied that person, they study the overt. They never
131:52 see the covert because the covert never goes. So they would they would uh so
132:00 this they would disagree the clinicians and the academics would disagree and that would create the impression of two
132:06 types which is not true. Another distinction is one that I I invented. came up with between somatic and cerebral narcissist. The somatic narcissist obtains supply by using his
132:18 body. Using his body, it doesn't have to be sex. Mhm. Could be bodybuilding, could be muscles, could be but he's using his body. This kind of narcissist.
132:29 He's using his body to obtain supply. Uh the cerebral narcissist uses his brain,
132:35 his intellect, his intelligence, intellectual pyrochnics. The somatic narcissist would be very keen on sexual
132:44 conquest. He would have he would constantly count count how many people he had sex with or or he would measure himself all the time. He would be in uh very involved in his health. He would be
132:57 either a hypochondric or he would he would have fitness devices measuring all the time how much he's walking. So this
133:04 preoccupation with the body as a source of supply. The supply doesn't have to be external. It could be self supply. For
133:11 example, losing 20 kilos. No, he loses 20 kilos and he feels superior. He feels
133:18 that he had a huge accomplishment. And so this agrandizes the somatic narcissist. The cerebral narcissist also
133:25 can self-supply. He could create a a a YouTube video and he can tell himself, "You see what a genius I am? This is genius video. It's a safe supply. Yeah,
133:36 safe supply stable at least. So, uh this is somatic versus cerebral.
133:42 Another distinction that is that is uh sometimes made but I think is very
133:49 important is the pro-social versus antisocial. Mhm. Pro-social or
133:55 communal narcissist is a narcissist whose grandiosity whose locus of grandiosity whose grandio fantasy about himself whose inflated self-concept is
134:08 I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm charitable. I'm altruistic. I'm
134:15 loving. I contribute to the community and to my country. I am moral. I am more
134:22 moral than other people. I never lie. I'm this. I'm that. I'm So this kind of
134:28 narcissist uh would emphasize pro-social things, things that society
134:34 likes and society encourages. Um and generally speaking, his
134:40 self-concept or self-image would be a superiorly good person. Not only good
134:47 but unusually good person, unprecedentedly good person, amazingly good person, maybe even a saint. A saint or maybe even connected to God somehow
134:59 on a mission on a mission to help people. So gurus done that kind of people uh collect their supply from uh giving money to charity. Charitable as I
135:12 said. Yes, it could be charitable but whatever they do they advertise it. They make sure that everyone knows because this is the supply. So these type of people could become gurus, medical
135:24 doctors, uh psychiatrist or therapists. They could become um mothers also NGO
135:33 workers sorry and some mothers are like this. Some mothers like that activists. Mhm. But always the se the self-concept of self-image as a unusually good person not good person good every unusually good like my
135:50 morality I never met anyone more honest than me you know you can trust me like
135:56 you trust no one else that's the message of the pro that kind of person can lie yes but if
136:05 if that person lies he would say I'm lying for good cause. I'm lying to help people. Narcissists have double life.
136:14 They say they have double life. No, not all of them. No, there is a post up that they show and they believe, but there's
136:20 a life that no one can see. No, behind the closed doors. No, that's completely untrue. No,
136:27 they are just shifting in the mind. Then they are they the there's no narcissist. There's only the false self. The
136:33 narcissist is the false self at home, outside and so on so forth. Narcissist of course can obtain grandio can obtain
136:40 narcissistic supply differently from different groups would adapt his behavior. So with some group he would be
136:46 nice and kind and so on because that's the way to obtain supply. With the other group he would be abusive and threatening and and so on because that's
136:53 the way to obtain supply. He would be nice to his family maybe and not nice to his workers or vice versa nice to his
136:59 workers and not nice to his family. But it will always be about obtaining narcissistic supply. And usually there
137:06 is a unifying narrative, a unifying principle. The false self has a story and the story is the narcissist. If the
137:14 story of the narcissist is I'm a good person, that would be the story everywhere at all times and so on. And
137:20 if the nar this kind of narcissist behaves in a bad way, lies or cheats or beats up his wife or is aggressive or he
137:28 will invent a story that will explain why he's doing it in a good way. So I am
137:36 lying because it's good for people. Mhm. Or I am beating you up because I want to
137:43 educate you. It's good for you. Mhm. Tough love. Yeah. I'm I'm verbally abusing you because you're naive and I'm protecting you. Mhm. You know this kind of thing. They can find excuses. They
137:55 can always find a way to but it will always be what we call ego congruent. In
138:01 other words, it will always support the false self. It will never be ego alien. It will never contradict the false self.
138:07 Mhm. So if my false self is I'm I'm a good person, the stories that I will invent as to why I'm doing what I'm
138:14 doing, they will all support the view that I'm a good person. If my if my
138:21 narrative is that I'm a genius, whatever I do will support the view that I'm a
138:27 genius. Even if I behave in very stupid way and so on, I will say they think it's stupid, but I know that it is a genius what I'm doing. you know always there will be the support of the central narrative okay I understand in narcissism and so you have pro-social
138:43 narcissist you have on the other hand this distinction is the antisocial narcissist which is by far the most
138:51 dangerous type of narcissist but I mean by far is far more dangerous than psychopath far more dangerous than
138:58 narcissist it's this malignant narcissist this is known as malignant narcissist or psychopathic narcissist Antisocial narcissist is
139:10 probably the most dangerous person alive. I am not aware of any other
139:17 disorder. Mhm. Which is more dangerous than this. Not sadism, not psychosis, not this is the most dangerous. Why? Is
139:25 it combines all the extremely bad elements of
139:31 narcissism with all the tools of the psychopath. M so while the malignant narcissist is actually a narcissist, he has a he has a false self, he has a fantasy and so on so forth, he will not
139:44 use typical narcissistic tools and techniques which are the tools and techniques of a child. Mhm. A typical
139:51 narcissist is a child. He's a baby. He's 2 years old, 3 years old. So, you know, it's funny sometimes. You look at narcissist, you smile. It's it's like a baby who's doing cute things. So narcissist, a typical narcissist would
140:03 use would manipulate you and abuse you and everything, but he would do it more like a child and you would see it coming and sometimes you will forgive the difference easier to forgive and but not
140:15 the malignant narcissist. The malignant narcissist is a narcissist full-fledged extreme form of narcissist but he does
140:22 not use almost any narcissistic technique and tool is not a child. He
140:28 uses psychopathic tools, extreme psychopathic tools. He He's
140:34 cruel. He is callous. He's ruthless. He is aggressive, violently, dangerously
140:40 aggressive. He's he hates authorities, contummations. He is defiant. He's reckless. He couldn't care less about
140:47 people. He objectifies them, uses them, tramples on them, kills them if necessary. has no remorse, no regret, no
140:55 shame, no guilt, no afterthought. And to everyone, I think not everyone. Yes. To everyone. Everyone. And this is the kind
141:02 of person who can easily kill you millions of people or has no problem whatsoever. Eric Form the famous psychoanalyst in the 60s diagnosed Adolf
141:13 Fitler and Joseph Stalin and Mao with malignant narcissism. if you want examples of malignant narcissist. So this is by far the most extreme form. It
141:24 was described in depth for the first time by from but the clinical features
141:31 and everything were described by Otto Kber in in I think 1975 I'm not sure in
141:37 the 70s and 80s. So now we have this malignant narcissist picture and luckily for humanity only a
141:46 very small percentage of narcissists are malignant narcissists. Malignant narcissism is not a coorbidity of
141:54 narcissism and psychopathy. Not this is a common mistake online again in
142:00 a comorbidity of narcissism and psychopathy. In other words, when the same individual is diagnosed with
142:07 narcissistic personality disorder and psychopathy. Mhm. So there are two diagnosis for the same person. The
142:14 narcissism is is in charge. Narcissism is boss shared because of the shared
142:20 fantasy. Shared fantasy false self all the dynamics everything. So it's psychopath doesn't have a shar. It's
142:26 actually a narcissist. The psychopath in coorbidity. Coorobidity. The psychopath comes out when the narcissist is stressed, anxious, humiliated,
142:38 narcissistic motification, collapsed. Only in these extreme situations, the psychopathic side of the coorbidity manifests. But that's rare. Someone with
142:49 narcissism and psychopathy together as a co-orbidity 90% of the time would be narcissist.
142:55 Classic regular narcissist. It's not the case with malignant narcissist. Alignant narcissist is not a coorbidity.
143:03 It's a combination of all the clinical features of narcissist. All the clinical features of psychopath and all the
143:10 clinical fees of sades. Malignant narcissist is three three and paranoia. I think paranoia is outcome in
143:17 all in all clustering. But these three sages, psychopath and narcissist
143:25 together all the time manifesting all the time. Not that one of them is in reserve, one of them is only for emergency, one of them is for collap. No, this kind of narcissist is all the
143:37 time narcissist. All the time psychopath and all the time sadist. Whatever he does with his wife, with his children,
143:43 with his colleagues, with his he would always be at the same moment narcissist, psychopath and sadist. So it's not a
143:51 coorbidity. It's a amalgam. It's a concoction cocktail that
143:57 is really terrifying and luckily we think that only about two to 3% of narcissist are like that and they create the biggest damage in interpersonal
144:08 relationship but also in politics also in as you heard Hitler Stalin
144:14 uh for example Hitler's shared fantasy to save his nation he must kill millions
144:21 of people example like this yes so this kind of person is always a sadist always. So he would kill these people in
144:27 sadistic way and he would without remorse. But as a psychopath he would kill them. As a sadist he would torture them. As a narcissist all this will be motivated by a shared fantasy. Shared fantasy. So everything is operating all
144:39 the time. All the time. If he has a family, he would create a shared fantasy for the family. But then he would
144:47 physically abuse his wife, verbally and psychologically abuse his child, sexually abuse his daughter, you know,
144:53 and then torture all of them all the time. This is the family of malignant narcissist. Can a malignant narcissist
145:02 can have a collapse also? That's more rare in malignant narcissism. It Yes, it
145:09 can. Of course, it can, but it's much more rare in malignant narcissism. Malignant narcissism is a defense
145:15 against a defense against a defense. It's like they are not fragile. I think they they're not fragile. Exactly. The
145:21 the the core is borderline actually. Then there is narcissistic defense and then the narcissist to protect against
145:27 the the collapse you have psychopathy. To protect against the psychopathy you have sadism. So it's like layers and
145:35 firewalls and layers and fire. We could say if you want to look at it that way that it's the perfect adaptation,
145:42 perfect evolutionary adaptation, the killing machine which is untouchable, impermeable, unchangeable, in inexorable
145:50 it's a killing machine simply. And of course you find malignant narcissist among serial killers, among tyrants who
145:58 kill millions or these are these are malignant. when you go to
146:05 uh for example when you study the chief executive officers of Forbes 500
146:11 companies. So there was a study by Robert Hair and Nathan Babiaak they are the two greatest authorities on psychopathy and they found that among chief executive officers there are five
146:23 times more psychopaths than in the general population. Mhm. Other studies found that you have much higher
146:30 prevalence of psychopaths among surgeons, people surgeons. Yes. And the
146:36 military and so on. So similar studies found that there is an over representation of narcissist. Mhm. Um in the in show business and media the media being a psychopath doesn't mean that you are going to harm everyone. Of course not. So that's what I'm what I'm saying
146:53 that you could have a psychopath, you could have a narcissist and it would be fully functional and and integrated in
146:59 society and even pro-social and so but you cannot have a pro-social malignant
147:05 narcissist. You cannot you cannot have a malignant narcissist who would build things. He
147:12 would build to in order to destroy and he would destroy in order to harm people in order to make cause them pain. curious area. He thrives on pain. The real narcissistic supply of a malignant narcissist is the pain of other people.
147:27 He's like a vampire of pain. Whereas a narcissist would take away your energy and a psychopath would take away your
147:34 money. A malignant narcissist would take away your pain and he thrives on it. It
147:40 it elevates in me. You know, in Slavic mythology, you have
147:46 you have uh mythological characters like uh Koshi and Veles and so on. And these
147:55 demonic entities, they thrive on pain. They cause pain to people and it makes
148:01 them come alive and so on. That's in Slavic classic panslavic mythology.
148:07 And so the malanis is is this. And when people say narcissists are demons and I don't know why that one is a demon. Yes. If anyone comes close to this kind of description it would be the malignant narcissist. Yeah. Okay. Then in the next
148:23 podcast we are going to talk about the no contact and for the abusers we are going to talk about the healing and thank you very much. Thank you for having me.

Summary Link:

https://vakninsummaries.com/ (Full summaries of Sam Vaknin’s videos)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/mediakit.html (My work in psychology: Media Kit and Press Room)

Bonus Consultations with Sam Vaknin or Lidija Rangelovska (or both) http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/ctcounsel.html

http://www.youtube.com/samvaknin (Narcissists, Psychopaths, Abuse)

http://www.youtube.com/vakninmusings (World in Conflict and Transition)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com (Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/cv.html (Biography and Resume)

Summary

Abuse, narcissism, narcissist, Personality, Psychology, Reality, Sam Vaknin, Trauma, Vaknin, Vaknin Summaries

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