Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Why I Love Airports, Hotels: Impermanence as Escape

1. 00:02 And now for something a little personal. I love airports. I love hotels. When I enter the terminal, I feel liberated, free, like a bird, a big bird, an obese bird, but still a bird. Same when I enter the lobby of a hotel, when I see the reception, the restaurant to my left, I feel at home. And the irony is that I feel most liberated when I climb onto a canister that flies in the sky and can kill me in a minute. And I feel at home in the least impersonal type of residence there is known as a hotel or a And now for something a little personal. I love airports. I love hotels. When I enter the terminal, I feel liberated, free, like a bird, a big bird, an obese bird, but still a bird. Same when I enter the lobby of a hotel, when I see the reception, the restaurant to my left, I feel at home. And the irony is that I feel most liberated when I climb onto a canister that flies in the sky and can kill me in a minute. And I feel at home in the least impersonal type of residence there is known as a hotel or a
2. 01:03 motel or whatever. Why is that? I asked myself why is that vaknin? Yes, I talk to myself in the third in the third person singular. It’s a strong indication of serious problems. I ask myself why is it how how bizarre how strange this is that I have no roots anywhere. I belong nowhere. I attach to no one and nothing. I bond with nobody. I And yet whenever I set foot in these places, they feel familiar. They soothe me. They comfort me. They reduce my anxiety. They’re anxolytic. They’re like it’s like I’m motel or whatever. Why is that? I asked myself why is that vaknin? Yes, I talk to myself in the third in the third person singular. It’s a strong indication of serious problems. I ask myself why is it how how bizarre how strange this is that I have no roots anywhere. I belong nowhere. I attach to no one and nothing. I bond with nobody. I And yet whenever I set foot in these places, they feel familiar. They soothe me. They comfort me. They reduce my anxiety. They’re anxolytic. They’re like it’s like I’m
3. 01:51 self-medicating with hotels and and and airports. It’s the only times that I feel alive, that I thrive, that I see the world in color is when I’m in transit, itinerant, desolatory, errent. I think it’s because I feel that I cannot be captured. I cannot be pinned down. I cannot be, if you wish, incarcerated in some way, metaphorically or or physically. And I cannot even be observed or studied. I become ephemeral in in many ways, a symbol, transparent, invisible. It’s an invisibility cloak. self-medicating with hotels and and and airports. It’s the only times that I feel alive, that I thrive, that I see the world in color is when I’m in transit, itinerant, desolatory, errent. I think it’s because I feel that I cannot be captured. I cannot be pinned down. I cannot be, if you wish, incarcerated in some way, metaphorically or or physically. And I cannot even be observed or studied. I become ephemeral in in many ways, a symbol, transparent, invisible. It’s an invisibility cloak.
4. 02:43 It’s and it’s magic. Invisibility cloak is magic. It’s enchantment. It’s a bit the way children feel because children are largely invisible uh to adults. So, it’s another childhood in an airport or a hotel. I’m a child again. They have their rules and regulations. They’re strict and rigid like parental figures. And yet, at the same time, they’re safe havens. the secure bases. I feel safe there. I feel safe precisely because in hotels and airports I can avoid life. It’s and it’s magic. Invisibility cloak is magic. It’s enchantment. It’s a bit the way children feel because children are largely invisible uh to adults. So, it’s another childhood in an airport or a hotel. I’m a child again. They have their rules and regulations. They’re strict and rigid like parental figures. And yet, at the same time, they’re safe havens. the secure bases. I feel safe there. I feel safe precisely because in hotels and airports I can avoid life.
5. 03:22 I can avoid life by avoiding myself by not being. And it is a great irony that I feel alive only when I’m not. There’s a sense of unbridled liberty, freedom restored. I feel unshackled. I unleashed if you wish and yet at the same time unleashed without a presence. I become the observer. I become the observer and it’s a defense. It’s a protection because as an observer I can never be hurt. I can never experience pain or loss because I’m an observer. I don’t care. I’m disinterested. Not uninterested, I can avoid life by avoiding myself by not being. And it is a great irony that I feel alive only when I’m not. There’s a sense of unbridled liberty, freedom restored. I feel unshackled. I unleashed if you wish and yet at the same time unleashed without a presence. I become the observer. I become the observer and it’s a defense. It’s a protection because as an observer I can never be hurt. I can never experience pain or loss because I’m an observer. I don’t care. I’m disinterested. Not uninterested,
6. 04:11 but disinterested. I have no interest. No skin in the game. No stake. The safety in this. And there’s safety in anonymity as well. Catch me if you can kind of thing. I’m no longer me. You know, there’s no commitment, no bonding, minimal expectations. The rules of the game are clear. I have to do ABC. They gave me one to three. It’s transactional. It’s firm terrairma. It’s firm ground. I know where I am. I know what is expected of me. I know what to expect. It’s predictable. but disinterested. I have no interest. No skin in the game. No stake. The safety in this. And there’s safety in anonymity as well. Catch me if you can kind of thing. I’m no longer me. You know, there’s no commitment, no bonding, minimal expectations. The rules of the game are clear. I have to do ABC. They gave me one to three. It’s transactional. It’s firm terrairma. It’s firm ground. I know where I am. I know what is expected of me. I know what to expect. It’s predictable.
7. 04:56 These rigid scripts remove uncertainty. The transactionalism allays diffuses the separation insecurity. And this gives me a sense of empowerment. I feel resilient. I feel impermeable. Not untouchable but impermeable. Um, there are infinite unbounded opportunities, unrealized potentialities and possibilities. They’re all mine for the taking. It’s eternal hunting grounds. It’s a bit like the afterlife. I think I would feel the same in the afterlife. If there’s an afterlife, with my luck, with These rigid scripts remove uncertainty. The transactionalism allays diffuses the separation insecurity. And this gives me a sense of empowerment. I feel resilient. I feel impermeable. Not untouchable but impermeable. Um, there are infinite unbounded opportunities, unrealized potentialities and possibilities. They’re all mine for the taking. It’s eternal hunting grounds. It’s a bit like the afterlife. I think I would feel the same in the afterlife. If there’s an afterlife, with my luck, with
8. 05:40 my luck, there isn’t. It is the intimacy of strangers. It’s much safer and much easier to be intimate with strangers than a stranger with your intimates. And so when I’m among strangers, I am observed or seen fleetingly. I can be anything to anyone or nothing to no to all of them. And there is a kind of shared shared intimacy. It’s a kind of shared fantasy in effect or shared psychosis. There’s a kind of shared intimacy. We share the premises. We breathe the same air. Sometimes we eat my luck, there isn’t. It is the intimacy of strangers. It’s much safer and much easier to be intimate with strangers than a stranger with your intimates. And so when I’m among strangers, I am observed or seen fleetingly. I can be anything to anyone or nothing to no to all of them. And there is a kind of shared shared intimacy. It’s a kind of shared fantasy in effect or shared psychosis. There’s a kind of shared intimacy. We share the premises. We breathe the same air. Sometimes we eat
9. 06:26 the same food in the same restaurant. We quue on the way to the reception or the toilet. We smile at each other. And yet this overwhelming intimacy like having roommates, you know, is at the same time impersonal, objective, neutral. And this is the only kind of intimacy I can experience without immediately descending into panic. It’s a hotel, an airport. It’s it’s simulated life. It’s not real life. It’s kind of an island. detached from the main stream, the main currents floating away in the ocean like the same food in the same restaurant. We quue on the way to the reception or the toilet. We smile at each other. And yet this overwhelming intimacy like having roommates, you know, is at the same time impersonal, objective, neutral. And this is the only kind of intimacy I can experience without immediately descending into panic. It’s a hotel, an airport. It’s it’s simulated life. It’s not real life. It’s kind of an island. detached from the main stream, the main currents floating away in the ocean like
10. 07:13 Kustoita’s famous movie, you know, and so it simulated life and but at the same time it simulated death because take away the intimacy, the bonding, the attachment, the love, the the presence of your nearest allegedly nearest and dearest. Take away all these things and you’re dead effectively. I’m dead when I’m in a hotel. When I’m in an airport, I am 100% objectified. I’m a commodity to the airline. I’m a user to the hotel. I’m um an object. I’m 100% objectified. Kustoita’s famous movie, you know, and so it simulated life and but at the same time it simulated death because take away the intimacy, the bonding, the attachment, the love, the the presence of your nearest allegedly nearest and dearest. Take away all these things and you’re dead effectively. I’m dead when I’m in a hotel. When I’m in an airport, I am 100% objectified. I’m a commodity to the airline. I’m a user to the hotel. I’m um an object. I’m 100% objectified.
11. 07:50 And so I experience death. I become meaningless insignificant. Experience death. There’s no nothing more liberating than this. Life is cumbersome. Life constrains, life demands, life expects, life surrounds you like a myasma. It’s like it’s like quicksand. You you you you’re sucked into life and gradually it suffocates you and strangles you and whereas death just negates you. This offers you the alternative of infinite freedom or degrees of freedom. And then in death you can become And so I experience death. I become meaningless insignificant. Experience death. There’s no nothing more liberating than this. Life is cumbersome. Life constrains, life demands, life expects, life surrounds you like a myasma. It’s like it’s like quicksand. You you you you’re sucked into life and gradually it suffocates you and strangles you and whereas death just negates you. This offers you the alternative of infinite freedom or degrees of freedom. And then in death you can become
12. 08:41 anything, be anyone or not be at all. These are options that life never affords. Hotels and airports are also total spaces. They are sealed. It’s a sealed experience. You have a feeling that what happens in a hotel stays at the hotel. What happens in an airport stays at the airport. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Yeah. So, there are no consequences. Whatever has happened in a hotel didn’t really happen. It was a dreamcape. This is the escape that I mentioned earlier. It’s escapism, but it was a anything, be anyone or not be at all. These are options that life never affords. Hotels and airports are also total spaces. They are sealed. It’s a sealed experience. You have a feeling that what happens in a hotel stays at the hotel. What happens in an airport stays at the airport. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Yeah. So, there are no consequences. Whatever has happened in a hotel didn’t really happen. It was a dreamcape. This is the escape that I mentioned earlier. It’s escapism, but it was a
13. 09:24 dreamscape. When you’re in a hotel, you enter someone else’s narrative. And whatever you do, you’re acting. It’s not real. And so there are no consequences. Same in a in an airport. You’re you’re manhandled. You’re taken. You you go through border control. Your goods are confiscated by security and and then you’re trapped in as I said this metal canister and you’re utterly devoid of volition control and maybe that is also liberating because it’s the only situations where I dreamscape. When you’re in a hotel, you enter someone else’s narrative. And whatever you do, you’re acting. It’s not real. And so there are no consequences. Same in a in an airport. You’re you’re manhandled. You’re taken. You you go through border control. Your goods are confiscated by security and and then you’re trapped in as I said this metal canister and you’re utterly devoid of volition control and maybe that is also liberating because it’s the only situations where I
14. 10:07 do not feel the need to control to make sure things to rigidly stratify and structure introduce order regulate. I don’t need any of this. It’s out of my hands. I think people in dictatorships feel like that. It’s a dictator’s problem. I don’t need to think. I don’t need to make decisions or choices, you know. And so this sealed experience, romantically sealed experience is a bubble in effect. It’s a bubble. And uh the most difficult parts are when I when I have to exit the bubble, I have to do not feel the need to control to make sure things to rigidly stratify and structure introduce order regulate. I don’t need any of this. It’s out of my hands. I think people in dictatorships feel like that. It’s a dictator’s problem. I don’t need to think. I don’t need to make decisions or choices, you know. And so this sealed experience, romantically sealed experience is a bubble in effect. It’s a bubble. And uh the most difficult parts are when I when I have to exit the bubble, I have to
15. 10:49 check out of the hotel or my heart is broken. I’m nostalgic. The minute I exited the revolving door or the minute I, you know, disembark, I’m nostalgic immediately. And the only time I feel something for something for for anything, for anyone, well, it’s the only time and they are few and far between. And the rest of the time I pretend that I’m not alive because maybe if I’m under the radar, unnoticeable, and invisible, nothing bad will happen to me. Maybe I know I’m deceiving myself check out of the hotel or my heart is broken. I’m nostalgic. The minute I exited the revolving door or the minute I, you know, disembark, I’m nostalgic immediately. And the only time I feel something for something for for anything, for anyone, well, it’s the only time and they are few and far between. And the rest of the time I pretend that I’m not alive because maybe if I’m under the radar, unnoticeable, and invisible, nothing bad will happen to me. Maybe I know I’m deceiving myself
16. 11:33 because bad bad people are out there, haters, and I know they’re after me. That’s all paranoia. But there is this refuge a refuge and and there is this uh sanctuary these sanctuary spaces these shelters the hotel and the airport from the airport to the hotel and back to the airport. I wish this could be an infinite look. because bad bad people are out there, haters, and I know they’re after me. That’s all paranoia. But there is this refuge a refuge and and there is this uh sanctuary these sanctuary spaces these shelters the hotel and the airport from the airport to the hotel and back to the airport. I wish this could be an infinite look.