Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Why Narcissist Feels Entitled to Magical, Enchanted Life

1. 00:02 Many of the founding giants of psychology were grifters and plagiarists, Freud, even Ericson. So, I’m in good company. But perhaps the most egregious of them all was Bruno Battleheim. Today, we are going to discuss enchantment and disenchantment in the narcissist’s life. These are two very very powerful forces that propel the narcissist forward and yet are much neglected in the literature and not to mention by self-styled experts online. My name is Sam Vaknin. I’m the author of malignant self-love narcissism revisited Many of the founding giants of psychology were grifters and plagiarists, Freud, even Ericson. So, I’m in good company. But perhaps the most egregious of them all was Bruno Battleheim. Today, we are going to discuss enchantment and disenchantment in the narcissist’s life. These are two very very powerful forces that propel the narcissist forward and yet are much neglected in the literature and not to mention by self-styled experts online. My name is Sam Vaknin. I’m the author of malignant self-love narcissism revisited
2. 00:47 and a disenchanted professor of psychology. Bruno Bethleheim wrote a book titled the uses of enchantment the meaning and importance of fairy tales and the book almost in its entirety was plagiarized but it had a great impact on psychoanalytic on late psychoanalytic literature. Battleheim presented an interesting case. He said that fairy tales help children to solve certain existential problems and cope with internal inexurable overwhelming psychological dynamics such as for example separation insecurity colloquially known as and a disenchanted professor of psychology. Bruno Bethleheim wrote a book titled the uses of enchantment the meaning and importance of fairy tales and the book almost in its entirety was plagiarized but it had a great impact on psychoanalytic on late psychoanalytic literature. Battleheim presented an interesting case. He said that fairy tales help children to solve certain existential problems and cope with internal inexurable overwhelming psychological dynamics such as for example separation insecurity colloquially known as
3. 01:30 abandonment anxiety the result of object inconstancy or object impermanence theal conflict conflict sibling rivalries they all manage somehow via fairy tales, the extreme violence and the ugly emotions professed and expressed in many or even I would say most fairy tales. Remember the Grim Brothers? These serve to kind of deflect or reframe what goes on in the child’s mind. They legitimize the child’s own emotions and own internal experience. the unrealistic fears of children, hatred, overpowering hatred sometimes abandonment anxiety the result of object inconstancy or object impermanence theal conflict conflict sibling rivalries they all manage somehow via fairy tales, the extreme violence and the ugly emotions professed and expressed in many or even I would say most fairy tales. Remember the Grim Brothers? These serve to kind of deflect or reframe what goes on in the child’s mind. They legitimize the child’s own emotions and own internal experience. the unrealistic fears of children, hatred, overpowering hatred sometimes
4. 02:18 towards parental figures, ambivalence, things that the child cannot cope with. The fairy tale comes and says, “It’s okay. You’re okay. These things are out there in the world. Nothing’s wrong with you.” So, the fairy tale is an anxolytic. It reduces anxiety. It’s also an educational tool as Battleheim has demonstrated. Um, I have a bit of a cognitive dissonance here because Battleheim plagiarized the book from someone else. But okay, what can we do? And so enchantment and disenchantment towards parental figures, ambivalence, things that the child cannot cope with. The fairy tale comes and says, “It’s okay. You’re okay. These things are out there in the world. Nothing’s wrong with you.” So, the fairy tale is an anxolytic. It reduces anxiety. It’s also an educational tool as Battleheim has demonstrated. Um, I have a bit of a cognitive dissonance here because Battleheim plagiarized the book from someone else. But okay, what can we do? And so enchantment and disenchantment
5. 02:59 are major drivers of personal growth in development, especially in early childhood. Because the narcissist pathological narcissism the narcissist remains stuck in early childhood. The narcissist pathological narcissism is a case of what used to be called arrested or stunted development. The narcissist mentally, psychologically, emotionally is 2 years old or 3 years old. So because of that the role the roles of enchantment and disenchantment in the narcissist’s life are disproportionate and they are critically and crucially are major drivers of personal growth in development, especially in early childhood. Because the narcissist pathological narcissism the narcissist remains stuck in early childhood. The narcissist pathological narcissism is a case of what used to be called arrested or stunted development. The narcissist mentally, psychologically, emotionally is 2 years old or 3 years old. So because of that the role the roles of enchantment and disenchantment in the narcissist’s life are disproportionate and they are critically and crucially
6. 03:39 um involved in most of the dynamics of pathological narcissism. The narcissist feels entitled to the magical. The narcissist fully expect magic in his or her life. Half of all narcissists are women. And so the narcissist feels entitled to a magical enchanted life in which the impossible happens time and again, effortlessly, unexpectedly, and yet understandably. It’s as if the narcissist himself, I’m going to use the male gender pronoun. I repeat, half of all narcissists are women. It’s as if the narcissist himself um involved in most of the dynamics of pathological narcissism. The narcissist feels entitled to the magical. The narcissist fully expect magic in his or her life. Half of all narcissists are women. And so the narcissist feels entitled to a magical enchanted life in which the impossible happens time and again, effortlessly, unexpectedly, and yet understandably. It’s as if the narcissist himself, I’m going to use the male gender pronoun. I repeat, half of all narcissists are women. It’s as if the narcissist himself
7. 04:24 uh perceives himself as a kind of unicorn, kind of magical creature, um two-dimensional cartoonish character in the narcissist’s own unfolding fairy tale. The narcissist perceives his life as a movie. I mentioned fairy tale but it’s it goes beyond that because a a fairy tale is a snapshot. It’s a bit static whereas a narcissist’s entire life unfurs and unfolds as a movie would and it unfolds inexurably and in accordance with some internal logic and it is the logic of magic and enchantment. uh perceives himself as a kind of unicorn, kind of magical creature, um two-dimensional cartoonish character in the narcissist’s own unfolding fairy tale. The narcissist perceives his life as a movie. I mentioned fairy tale but it’s it goes beyond that because a a fairy tale is a snapshot. It’s a bit static whereas a narcissist’s entire life unfurs and unfolds as a movie would and it unfolds inexurably and in accordance with some internal logic and it is the logic of magic and enchantment.
8. 05:10 The narcissist seeks to enchant the pedestrian, the daily, the cot. Narcissists cannot cope with the humrum realities of life. Narcissist needs to feel unique, special, elevated, superior, godlike, and a perfect being. And this is very difficult to do when you’re embedded in reality, immed if you wish, and immersed in the exigencies and the demands of an unforgiving and unflinching universe. So you need to get rid of reality somehow. And the narcissist does this by enchanting reality. The narcissist has a multiplicity of The narcissist seeks to enchant the pedestrian, the daily, the cot. Narcissists cannot cope with the humrum realities of life. Narcissist needs to feel unique, special, elevated, superior, godlike, and a perfect being. And this is very difficult to do when you’re embedded in reality, immed if you wish, and immersed in the exigencies and the demands of an unforgiving and unflinching universe. So you need to get rid of reality somehow. And the narcissist does this by enchanting reality. The narcissist has a multiplicity of
9. 05:54 sources of enchantment and at the same time a group of sources or a coalition or cluster of sources of disenchantment. And there is an epic war going on between the good guys the good guys of enchantment and the bad guys of disenchantment. And it’s almost a saga. It’s almost an epic tale. It’s almost a morality play where reality is vaguely vaguely perceived as bad, as wrong, as in need of fixing or or retrofitting or something needs to be done to reality. It is reality that should conform to the narcissist, not sources of enchantment and at the same time a group of sources or a coalition or cluster of sources of disenchantment. And there is an epic war going on between the good guys the good guys of enchantment and the bad guys of disenchantment. And it’s almost a saga. It’s almost an epic tale. It’s almost a morality play where reality is vaguely vaguely perceived as bad, as wrong, as in need of fixing or or retrofitting or something needs to be done to reality. It is reality that should conform to the narcissist, not
10. 06:44 the other way around. And the narcissist’s main tools are the tools of enchantment. The narcissist reframes reality in a way that brings out the magic in its fabric. Um, and so the narcissist convinces himself that he has some unique perhaps intuitive access to an underlying level of reality that is inaccessible to others and that is the level of enchantment. Disenchantment feels like defeat. Disen enchantment feels like a trap, a failure. It is suffocating. It is stifling. It is shackling. the other way around. And the narcissist’s main tools are the tools of enchantment. The narcissist reframes reality in a way that brings out the magic in its fabric. Um, and so the narcissist convinces himself that he has some unique perhaps intuitive access to an underlying level of reality that is inaccessible to others and that is the level of enchantment. Disenchantment feels like defeat. Disen enchantment feels like a trap, a failure. It is suffocating. It is stifling. It is shackling.
11. 07:30 It’s a form of incarceration. And so the narcissist spends his entire life fighting off and fending off unbridled, unmititigated, unmediated reality. Because that kind of reality is disenchanted. The narcissist convinces himself that his enchanted version of of the world is actually reality. and that it represents a kind of deeper, more profound insight into what’s really going on. This gives rise of course to paranoid ideation, conspiracy theories and so on so forth. And so the narcissist imbuss himself, It’s a form of incarceration. And so the narcissist spends his entire life fighting off and fending off unbridled, unmititigated, unmediated reality. Because that kind of reality is disenchanted. The narcissist convinces himself that his enchanted version of of the world is actually reality. and that it represents a kind of deeper, more profound insight into what’s really going on. This gives rise of course to paranoid ideation, conspiracy theories and so on so forth. And so the narcissist imbuss himself,
12. 08:15 his life, reality beyond his life, other people imbuss all of them with enchantment. He uses a wand, a proverbial wand to inflict on them magic. And it is the magic of subjugation and submission. Reality and other people in it should become figments of the narcissist mind, imagination, fantastic space, shared fantasy and so on. This involves a lot of what is known as magical thinking. Magical thinking is a primitive infantile defense against the horror of being unable to control reality. When the child realizes more or his life, reality beyond his life, other people imbuss all of them with enchantment. He uses a wand, a proverbial wand to inflict on them magic. And it is the magic of subjugation and submission. Reality and other people in it should become figments of the narcissist mind, imagination, fantastic space, shared fantasy and so on. This involves a lot of what is known as magical thinking. Magical thinking is a primitive infantile defense against the horror of being unable to control reality. When the child realizes more or
13. 09:04 less around the age 18 months when separation individuation starts when the child realizes that it has no control over the environment over other people like mother later father this is this is terrifying. This is traumatizing the breakup of what what Malo called the symbiotic bond between child and parents and later on between child and the world. This is a terrifying experience and one way to cope with it is to convince oneself that either the world is just an extension of one’s mind that less around the age 18 months when separation individuation starts when the child realizes that it has no control over the environment over other people like mother later father this is this is terrifying. This is traumatizing the breakup of what what Malo called the symbiotic bond between child and parents and later on between child and the world. This is a terrifying experience and one way to cope with it is to convince oneself that either the world is just an extension of one’s mind that
14. 09:42 is the psychotic answer or that one’s mind has control over and the ability to manipulate reshape and reconstitute reality and that is what is known as magical thinking. If I just put my mind to it, if I want it strongly enough, if my wish is all all pervasive, I will determine reality. I will change it. The universe will adapt itself to my needs, my fantasies, my dreams, and my hopes and my wishes. Of course, we see numerous manifestations of magical thinking among adults in contemporary postmodern society. is the psychotic answer or that one’s mind has control over and the ability to manipulate reshape and reconstitute reality and that is what is known as magical thinking. If I just put my mind to it, if I want it strongly enough, if my wish is all all pervasive, I will determine reality. I will change it. The universe will adapt itself to my needs, my fantasies, my dreams, and my hopes and my wishes. Of course, we see numerous manifestations of magical thinking among adults in contemporary postmodern society.
15. 10:25 And so there is this pernicious or I would even say psychologically lethal combination between the overriding need for enchantment like enchantment or death you know a variant of liberty or death enchantment or death on the one hand and then this instrument which is rough which is very primitive which has blunt edges which is indiscriminate and not very intelligent, the instrument of magical thinking. When you put the two together, the narcissist reshapes reality, reshapes life and the universe and other people in his mind And so there is this pernicious or I would even say psychologically lethal combination between the overriding need for enchantment like enchantment or death you know a variant of liberty or death enchantment or death on the one hand and then this instrument which is rough which is very primitive which has blunt edges which is indiscriminate and not very intelligent, the instrument of magical thinking. When you put the two together, the narcissist reshapes reality, reshapes life and the universe and other people in his mind
16. 11:07 via his magical thinking. He uses his magical thinking to see the world as he would like it to have been, not as it is. In other words, this combination impairs what we call reality testing. It’s not too difficult in the case of pathological narcissism because the ego in pathological narcissism is absent literally. The formation of the ego has been disrupted in early childhood and reality testing is an ego function. Rather than test for reality, the narcissist embeds himself in fantasy. And it is via his magical thinking. He uses his magical thinking to see the world as he would like it to have been, not as it is. In other words, this combination impairs what we call reality testing. It’s not too difficult in the case of pathological narcissism because the ego in pathological narcissism is absent literally. The formation of the ego has been disrupted in early childhood and reality testing is an ego function. Rather than test for reality, the narcissist embeds himself in fantasy. And it is
17. 11:47 through fantasy that the narcissist sees the world, makes sense of it. Fantasy becomes an organizing principle of reality and at the same time also an explanatory, interpretative, hermeneutic principle. The narcissist imbuss everything with meaning, direction, purpose via fantasy. It is the fantasy that dictates narrative. And within this narrative, everything flows. Characters interact, things happen. At least in the narcissist’s infinite mind space, it’s a dreamcape. This need for enchantment, through fantasy that the narcissist sees the world, makes sense of it. Fantasy becomes an organizing principle of reality and at the same time also an explanatory, interpretative, hermeneutic principle. The narcissist imbuss everything with meaning, direction, purpose via fantasy. It is the fantasy that dictates narrative. And within this narrative, everything flows. Characters interact, things happen. At least in the narcissist’s infinite mind space, it’s a dreamcape. This need for enchantment,
18. 12:28 this craving for enchantment. This dependence on enchantment in order to survive renders the narcissist addicted to surprises. The narcissist seeks surprises. The narcissist can’t live without surprises. And surprises, when surprises do happen, and I’m talking of course about positive surprises, surprises that conform to the narcissist’s fantasy, enhance it, but batteries it accord with it. So this fantastic narrative dictates what would constitute surprise and what would not. what would constitute adversity this craving for enchantment. This dependence on enchantment in order to survive renders the narcissist addicted to surprises. The narcissist seeks surprises. The narcissist can’t live without surprises. And surprises, when surprises do happen, and I’m talking of course about positive surprises, surprises that conform to the narcissist’s fantasy, enhance it, but batteries it accord with it. So this fantastic narrative dictates what would constitute surprise and what would not. what would constitute adversity
19. 13:12 adversity and what would constitute a happy occasion something to celebrate. So the narcissist is addicted to these kind of surprises that emanate from emerge from actually the fantasy. Things happen in the real world and then the narcissist uses the fantasy as a filtering to make sense of them. And one of the ways, one of the ways the narcissist makes sense of reality is by convincing himself that the gods or the universe is smiling upon him. that whatever happens which is which is um in line with the fantasy which is in adversity and what would constitute a happy occasion something to celebrate. So the narcissist is addicted to these kind of surprises that emanate from emerge from actually the fantasy. Things happen in the real world and then the narcissist uses the fantasy as a filtering to make sense of them. And one of the ways, one of the ways the narcissist makes sense of reality is by convincing himself that the gods or the universe is smiling upon him. that whatever happens which is which is um in line with the fantasy which is in
20. 13:54 flux within the fantasy whatever happens is proof of some kind of love or cosmic love or the grace of God that is blessed somehow that there is an element of caring is be being taken care of it’s it’s very parental or maternal we’ll come to it a bit later surprises um get the blood flowing. Surprises give the narcissist endow the narcissist with adrenaline and dopamine rushes. The narcissist in this sense is a psychopath or psychopathic because the narcissist is a thrill seeker and sometimes a flux within the fantasy whatever happens is proof of some kind of love or cosmic love or the grace of God that is blessed somehow that there is an element of caring is be being taken care of it’s it’s very parental or maternal we’ll come to it a bit later surprises um get the blood flowing. Surprises give the narcissist endow the narcissist with adrenaline and dopamine rushes. The narcissist in this sense is a psychopath or psychopathic because the narcissist is a thrill seeker and sometimes a
21. 14:38 risktaker. Narcissist would do anything in order to avoid routine rut, the predictable, the expected and accept and accepted, the the average, the mean, the narcissist would do anything to stand out in their own minds to become a genius or a god um in in their own minds. So surprises are a crucial element. Narcissists reject linear time and linear existence. Narcissists reject um predictable being. Narcissists expect things to happen in a very fragmented and noncon connected disjointed discontinuous way. Surprises are of risktaker. Narcissist would do anything in order to avoid routine rut, the predictable, the expected and accept and accepted, the the average, the mean, the narcissist would do anything to stand out in their own minds to become a genius or a god um in in their own minds. So surprises are a crucial element. Narcissists reject linear time and linear existence. Narcissists reject um predictable being. Narcissists expect things to happen in a very fragmented and noncon connected disjointed discontinuous way. Surprises are of
22. 15:34 course breaks in continuity. And so narcissists abhore continuity. One of the reasons narcissists reject personal continuity and life’s jointedness, life’s um cohesion. One of the reasons is that the narcissist himself internally is discontinuous, disjointed and dissociative. Marcus would like would like his fantasy to reflect these internal realities. And one way to accomplish this is that you wake up every morning and there’s something unexpected that that happens, some surprise. Enchantment, as I mentioned, is a course breaks in continuity. And so narcissists abhore continuity. One of the reasons narcissists reject personal continuity and life’s jointedness, life’s um cohesion. One of the reasons is that the narcissist himself internally is discontinuous, disjointed and dissociative. Marcus would like would like his fantasy to reflect these internal realities. And one way to accomplish this is that you wake up every morning and there’s something unexpected that that happens, some surprise. Enchantment, as I mentioned, is a
23. 16:19 recreation of a maternal safe base. is when the narcissist um experiences his enchantment, he also experiences narcissistic elation. This oceanic feeling of being engulfed by the mother, becoming one with the mother. And it is proof, enchantment is proof that the universe it loves the narcissist, that God takes care of the narcissist, that somehow all is well and safe and warm and cozy, maybe even fuzzy. It’s re going back to the womb. The womb is perceived as the most enchanted place. Womb. Um, one of recreation of a maternal safe base. is when the narcissist um experiences his enchantment, he also experiences narcissistic elation. This oceanic feeling of being engulfed by the mother, becoming one with the mother. And it is proof, enchantment is proof that the universe it loves the narcissist, that God takes care of the narcissist, that somehow all is well and safe and warm and cozy, maybe even fuzzy. It’s re going back to the womb. The womb is perceived as the most enchanted place. Womb. Um, one of
24. 17:05 the words for womb in Latin is matrix. uterus and matrix. So enchantment is a recreation of a maternal safe base. When the world is enchanted, the narcissist is a child. Again, as a child, the narcissist is exempt from responsibilities and accountability. And on the other hand, he is not subject to punitive measures. He’s only a child. And this is a very anxolytic ambiencece. It reduces anxiety. On the other hand, disenchantment entails boredom, envy of others who are perceived to be leading enchanted lives. Anger because a the words for womb in Latin is matrix. uterus and matrix. So enchantment is a recreation of a maternal safe base. When the world is enchanted, the narcissist is a child. Again, as a child, the narcissist is exempt from responsibilities and accountability. And on the other hand, he is not subject to punitive measures. He’s only a child. And this is a very anxolytic ambiencece. It reduces anxiety. On the other hand, disenchantment entails boredom, envy of others who are perceived to be leading enchanted lives. Anger because a
25. 17:55 narcissist feels entitled and if his or her life is not enchanted, that is perceived to be a form of injustice and discrimination. and many other negative effects. Whereas enchantment is associated with a sense of safety, existential safety and acceptance and caring and maternal love, disenchantment is perceived to be as rejection, abandonment and the negative effects that go with them. And so the narcissist very often tries to impose enchantment where there’s none. on other people who would not narcissist feels entitled and if his or her life is not enchanted, that is perceived to be a form of injustice and discrimination. and many other negative effects. Whereas enchantment is associated with a sense of safety, existential safety and acceptance and caring and maternal love, disenchantment is perceived to be as rejection, abandonment and the negative effects that go with them. And so the narcissist very often tries to impose enchantment where there’s none. on other people who would not
26. 18:36 collaborate on an environment which is unyielding and rigid on circumstances which are which are unfavorable and adverse. The narcissist tries to coers to shoehorn all these into an enchanted receptacle or container and thereby render or create an enchanted spectacle. An example is a shared fantasy. But narcissists engage, for example, sometimes in mild criminal activities because in criminal activities there’s a lot of um excitement, a lot of thrill, some risk and it feels out of this world collaborate on an environment which is unyielding and rigid on circumstances which are which are unfavorable and adverse. The narcissist tries to coers to shoehorn all these into an enchanted receptacle or container and thereby render or create an enchanted spectacle. An example is a shared fantasy. But narcissists engage, for example, sometimes in mild criminal activities because in criminal activities there’s a lot of um excitement, a lot of thrill, some risk and it feels out of this world
27. 19:16 because it’s outside the bounds of societal mores, expectations, laws, laws, the law, norms, regulations. It’s outside the pale. So crime is also a form of enchantment. Dramatic antiques, drama is a form of enchantment. The narcissist coerces the environment and other people into his or her enchanted fantasy space, fantastic space by fostering instability and unpredictability and by engaging in reckless behaviors. This is also very common in psychopathy and borderline personality disorder. While psychopaths because it’s outside the bounds of societal mores, expectations, laws, laws, the law, norms, regulations. It’s outside the pale. So crime is also a form of enchantment. Dramatic antiques, drama is a form of enchantment. The narcissist coerces the environment and other people into his or her enchanted fantasy space, fantastic space by fostering instability and unpredictability and by engaging in reckless behaviors. This is also very common in psychopathy and borderline personality disorder. While psychopaths
28. 20:00 are less prone to enchanted thinking or and less less in need of enchantment, border lines are even more than narcissists. Prone to enchantment and in need of enchantment. And so one way to make sure that enchantment is all pervasive and never receding and not at risk of being uh reversed, not at risk of becoming disenchantment. There are many ways to to ascertain this and they fall under the rubric rubric of es escapism, escaping reality. The narcissist sometimes escapes reality actively whereas normally the narcissist are less prone to enchanted thinking or and less less in need of enchantment, border lines are even more than narcissists. Prone to enchantment and in need of enchantment. And so one way to make sure that enchantment is all pervasive and never receding and not at risk of being uh reversed, not at risk of becoming disenchantment. There are many ways to to ascertain this and they fall under the rubric rubric of es escapism, escaping reality. The narcissist sometimes escapes reality actively whereas normally the narcissist
29. 20:48 has an impaired reality testing. The narcissist is unable to evaluate and gauge reality appropriately. And when the narcissist faces a situation of disenchantment of imminent disenchantment, the narcissist tries to coersse the environment and people in it into an enchanted fantasy space. And when this fails, the narcissist escapes reality, escapism. So substance use, cult membership in cults, video games, the online world, cyber sphere, exclusionary ideologies belonging to exclusionary ideologies has an impaired reality testing. The narcissist is unable to evaluate and gauge reality appropriately. And when the narcissist faces a situation of disenchantment of imminent disenchantment, the narcissist tries to coersse the environment and people in it into an enchanted fantasy space. And when this fails, the narcissist escapes reality, escapism. So substance use, cult membership in cults, video games, the online world, cyber sphere, exclusionary ideologies belonging to exclusionary ideologies
30. 21:29 which usually elevate the members, the members of the in-group above the out group, antagonistic conflict, nihilism, instrumentalizing other people, idealiz idealizing other people or idol izing other people, erottomania and other narrative delusions, cognitive distortions, biases. All these are ways to avoid, shun, escape reality when it does not yield to the narcissist’s demands for enchantment. And this withdrawal, this avoidance of reality and then withdrawal inwards, this hermetic cocoon, which usually elevate the members, the members of the in-group above the out group, antagonistic conflict, nihilism, instrumentalizing other people, idealiz idealizing other people or idol izing other people, erottomania and other narrative delusions, cognitive distortions, biases. All these are ways to avoid, shun, escape reality when it does not yield to the narcissist’s demands for enchantment. And this withdrawal, this avoidance of reality and then withdrawal inwards, this hermetic cocoon,
31. 22:17 this selfisolation, skittles selfisolation, this plunging into the internal black hole and being consumed by it. This leads to a manic reaction. We see it a lot in bipolar disorders. This leads to a manic reaction, moneyic schemes, getri schemes, get-rich quick schemes and romantic schemes. And so the narcissist totally withdraws into fantasy land la where the narcissist is about to become in love, about to become rich, about to become powerful or or already is in his own mind. And so this is the sequence. this selfisolation, skittles selfisolation, this plunging into the internal black hole and being consumed by it. This leads to a manic reaction. We see it a lot in bipolar disorders. This leads to a manic reaction, moneyic schemes, getri schemes, get-rich quick schemes and romantic schemes. And so the narcissist totally withdraws into fantasy land la where the narcissist is about to become in love, about to become rich, about to become powerful or or already is in his own mind. And so this is the sequence.
32. 23:03 First, the narcissist tries to engage with reality, but he lacks the tools. Impaired reality testing, the need for enchantment, tries to engage with reality. All the same, tries to impose on it enchantment, coercse it into enchantment. When this fails, the narcissist withdraws inwards, avoids reality, and shuns it by becoming schizoid, by abusing substances, by becoming addicted to all kinds of activities, etc., etc. Consumerism is an example. Consumption, conspicuous consumption is an example. So, and when First, the narcissist tries to engage with reality, but he lacks the tools. Impaired reality testing, the need for enchantment, tries to engage with reality. All the same, tries to impose on it enchantment, coercse it into enchantment. When this fails, the narcissist withdraws inwards, avoids reality, and shuns it by becoming schizoid, by abusing substances, by becoming addicted to all kinds of activities, etc., etc. Consumerism is an example. Consumption, conspicuous consumption is an example. So, and when
33. 23:38 this fails, the narcissist totally uh pulls out the draw bridges and cocoons himself internally inside the black hole. And within this delusional space, the narcissist self aggrandizes, self-enhances to the point of mania. It becomes manic. And this kind of narcissist would seek to secure feedback or input from the outside which will confirm the reality of their manic schemes and and grandio inflated fantastic self-concept. So they would seek to become celebrities, media exposure. They would sometimes become antisocial, defiant or this fails, the narcissist totally uh pulls out the draw bridges and cocoons himself internally inside the black hole. And within this delusional space, the narcissist self aggrandizes, self-enhances to the point of mania. It becomes manic. And this kind of narcissist would seek to secure feedback or input from the outside which will confirm the reality of their manic schemes and and grandio inflated fantastic self-concept. So they would seek to become celebrities, media exposure. They would sometimes become antisocial, defiant or
34. 24:29 consumatious so as to attract attention. They would use the attention an attention economy to somehow conform to their own delusional selfconcept. the um the need to maintain uh self-concept, a false self via self- enhancement, self-enchantment and delusionality. This need is overriding. So if all else fails, the narcissist will self-suppen enchant self fantasize and would adopt a self-concept of the false self. A self-concept which is totally detached from any external reality and conforms to some kind of consumatious so as to attract attention. They would use the attention an attention economy to somehow conform to their own delusional selfconcept. the um the need to maintain uh self-concept, a false self via self- enhancement, self-enchantment and delusionality. This need is overriding. So if all else fails, the narcissist will self-suppen enchant self fantasize and would adopt a self-concept of the false self. A self-concept which is totally detached from any external reality and conforms to some kind of
35. 25:24 internal reality that is already on the border of psychosis. That is what Otto Karnburg had observed so many decades ago that borderline personality organization and disorder and that nar narcissistic personality disorders multiple they are somehow on the border with psychosis between neurosis and psychosis um and he elaborated on this and I I fully concur. I think pathological narcissism is pseudocysychotic precisely because psychosis is an enchanted state. It’s a magic kingdom. And it is through pseudocysis internal reality that is already on the border of psychosis. That is what Otto Karnburg had observed so many decades ago that borderline personality organization and disorder and that nar narcissistic personality disorders multiple they are somehow on the border with psychosis between neurosis and psychosis um and he elaborated on this and I I fully concur. I think pathological narcissism is pseudocysychotic precisely because psychosis is an enchanted state. It’s a magic kingdom. And it is through pseudocysis
36. 26:08 that the narcissist has this last majino line of defense against the invo invading forces of reality. A defense that involves totally retreating into delusional territory, scorched earth reality and delusional territory. And within the delusional territory, self-supplying, self-enchanting, self-enhancing, becoming totally self-supplying, uh totally self-sufficient. And this way getting rid of the need uh for external enchantment. Uh it is a highly unstable structure of course and it involves a lot of that the narcissist has this last majino line of defense against the invo invading forces of reality. A defense that involves totally retreating into delusional territory, scorched earth reality and delusional territory. And within the delusional territory, self-supplying, self-enchanting, self-enhancing, becoming totally self-supplying, uh totally self-sufficient. And this way getting rid of the need uh for external enchantment. Uh it is a highly unstable structure of course and it involves a lot of
37. 26:57 unpredictability and uncertainty and indeterminacy on the internal level. Hence uh the phrase disorganized personality. Hence the pseudocychosis. Hence the confusion between external and internal objects. It’s all driven by the overriding need for magic and enchantment because reality as long ago became become intolerable and burdensome and unbearable. unpredictability and uncertainty and indeterminacy on the internal level. Hence uh the phrase disorganized personality. Hence the pseudocychosis. Hence the confusion between external and internal objects. It’s all driven by the overriding need for magic and enchantment because reality as long ago became become intolerable and burdensome and unbearable.