Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Questions: Cluster B Personality Disorders (Lecture, University of Applied Sciences, Elbląg, Poland)

1. 00:00 So I would like to say that uh after that that it was said the cluster V personality disorders people are extremely unhappy. >> That’s the question. >> That’s the question. >> Yes. Yes. No. >> Are they are they unhappy? >> Yeah. Well, studies don’t show that. Studies actually demonstrate that the majority of people with cluster B uh are egoonic. They may not be happy but we don’t use the word happiness in clinical psychology but they are egoonic in the So I would like to say that uh after that that it was said the cluster V personality disorders people are extremely unhappy. >> That’s the question. >> That’s the question. >> Yes. Yes. No. >> Are they are they unhappy? >> Yeah. Well, studies don’t show that. Studies actually demonstrate that the majority of people with cluster B uh are egoonic. They may not be happy but we don’t use the word happiness in clinical psychology but they are egoonic in the
2. 00:35 sense that they feel good with who who they are. They feel good within their skins. They are self-justifying. So they engage in they create narratives that justify their behaviors. They don’t possess most of them don’t possess what we call conscience or so there’s no remorse and no regret. They have very powerful defenses against shame and guilt. So the time that they spend experiencing uh negative effects which are uncomfortable, the time is very limited. They do experience a lot of other sense that they feel good with who who they are. They feel good within their skins. They are self-justifying. So they engage in they create narratives that justify their behaviors. They don’t possess most of them don’t possess what we call conscience or so there’s no remorse and no regret. They have very powerful defenses against shame and guilt. So the time that they spend experiencing uh negative effects which are uncomfortable, the time is very limited. They do experience a lot of other
3. 01:15 negative effects. They have negative affectivity. Negative effectivity is a trait of class B. But these negative effects are externalized effects like anger, envy, hatred, rage. So these are actually effects that support the selfnarrative like I’m I’m I’m envious because I’m superior and I’m not recognized as superior or I’m uh I’m angry because people misbehave or whatever. So they self-justify even the negative effects. But if we’re talking about a more narrow definition of egoonyonyy and negative effects. They have negative affectivity. Negative effectivity is a trait of class B. But these negative effects are externalized effects like anger, envy, hatred, rage. So these are actually effects that support the selfnarrative like I’m I’m I’m envious because I’m superior and I’m not recognized as superior or I’m uh I’m angry because people misbehave or whatever. So they self-justify even the negative effects. But if we’re talking about a more narrow definition of egoonyonyy and
4. 01:56 egoistony, they are largely egoonous. They in most of the time they’re egoous. So it’s very little egoistony. However, they all go through repeated crisis. So for example the narcissist experiences narcissistic motification and becomes highly egoistonous egoistony. The borderline um experiences a type of anxiety that is known as engulfment anxiety. When she experiences intimacy she gets terrified she runs away approach avoidance. So in the avoidance phase she she’s egoistonous but statistically speaking most of the egoistony, they are largely egoonous. They in most of the time they’re egoous. So it’s very little egoistony. However, they all go through repeated crisis. So for example the narcissist experiences narcissistic motification and becomes highly egoistonous egoistony. The borderline um experiences a type of anxiety that is known as engulfment anxiety. When she experiences intimacy she gets terrified she runs away approach avoidance. So in the avoidance phase she she’s egoistonous but statistically speaking most of the
5. 02:38 time they are happy golucky >> I’m sorry I can’t hear you well you may wish to come to the >> Is there a is there a microphone there Is there a microphone that people can use? Yes, I agree. Come here. >> Does that extend to uh borderline personality disorder? >> I’m sorry, I didn’t hear the beginning of your question. Can you repeat the whole question from A to Z? Does uh does uh what what you said uh about being uh happy golucky uh does that extend to borderline time they are happy golucky >> I’m sorry I can’t hear you well you may wish to come to the >> Is there a is there a microphone there Is there a microphone that people can use? Yes, I agree. Come here. >> Does that extend to uh borderline personality disorder? >> I’m sorry, I didn’t hear the beginning of your question. Can you repeat the whole question from A to Z? Does uh does uh what what you said uh about being uh happy golucky uh does that extend to borderline
6. 03:48 personality disorder because I know a person with borderline and they don’t seem that happy. So >> borderline >> yes borderline personality disorder are the least egoonous of all the four the psychopaths and narcissists are the most egoonist especially overt narcissist. There is a variant of there is a phase of narcissism or a variant of narcissism known as covert or vulnerable narcissist and covert narcissists are usually unhappy. They are resentful, they’re envious, they’re bitter. personality disorder because I know a person with borderline and they don’t seem that happy. So >> borderline >> yes borderline personality disorder are the least egoonous of all the four the psychopaths and narcissists are the most egoonist especially overt narcissist. There is a variant of there is a phase of narcissism or a variant of narcissism known as covert or vulnerable narcissist and covert narcissists are usually unhappy. They are resentful, they’re envious, they’re bitter.
7. 04:30 The borderline um is a complex picture. When the borderline is in the devaluation phase or when she is escaping from from intimacy and love, when she has engulfment anxiety, she would tend to be unhappy. However, uh she’s very happy in the idealization phase when she believed that she when she believes that she has found a rock or a special friend or someone to regulate her and so on. And I’m saying she again half of all border lines are men. Yeah. And she’s uh she would also tend to be very happy um when she um is The borderline um is a complex picture. When the borderline is in the devaluation phase or when she is escaping from from intimacy and love, when she has engulfment anxiety, she would tend to be unhappy. However, uh she’s very happy in the idealization phase when she believed that she when she believes that she has found a rock or a special friend or someone to regulate her and so on. And I’m saying she again half of all border lines are men. Yeah. And she’s uh she would also tend to be very happy um when she um is
8. 05:11 self-justifying. Border lines tend to self-justify a lot. They create narrative. They justify their behaviors. However, borderline border lines as opposed to narcissists and psychopaths. Border lines do experience shame and guilt and remorse. They do have these experiences especially after the borderline acts out. So because of all this borderline borderline is capable of emotions. He’s capable of empathy. Because of all this, border lines are much closer um to normal people in the sense that they self-justifying. Border lines tend to self-justify a lot. They create narrative. They justify their behaviors. However, borderline border lines as opposed to narcissists and psychopaths. Border lines do experience shame and guilt and remorse. They do have these experiences especially after the borderline acts out. So because of all this borderline borderline is capable of emotions. He’s capable of empathy. Because of all this, border lines are much closer um to normal people in the sense that they
9. 05:49 do experience unhappiness much more than narcissist, psychopaths, and histrionic people. That’s true. >> Try like this. Um I can see you. Uh if the person is uh not not so much aggressive and not so much um like playing a victim but very easily offended like every simple thing is like a huge negotiation and kind of their first reaction is being offended but not like aggressive or just traumatized or something that extreme. Can this also be like sign of narcissism or cluster B? >> Not necessarily. Hyper vigilance is uh h do experience unhappiness much more than narcissist, psychopaths, and histrionic people. That’s true. >> Try like this. Um I can see you. Uh if the person is uh not not so much aggressive and not so much um like playing a victim but very easily offended like every simple thing is like a huge negotiation and kind of their first reaction is being offended but not like aggressive or just traumatized or something that extreme. Can this also be like sign of narcissism or cluster B? >> Not necessarily. Hyper vigilance is uh h
10. 07:00 this what you’re describing is called hypervigilance. Hypervigilance is uh thin skin. Someone with a thin skin. U they interpret every every speech act and every behavior and and even body language. They interpret everything as an insult, as a slight, as an attack, as a criticism, as a so they have a thin skin. And this is known as clinical terms hypervigilance. So hypervigilance is common not only in personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, this what you’re describing is called hypervigilance. Hypervigilance is uh thin skin. Someone with a thin skin. U they interpret every every speech act and every behavior and and even body language. They interpret everything as an insult, as a slight, as an attack, as a criticism, as a so they have a thin skin. And this is known as clinical terms hypervigilance. So hypervigilance is common not only in personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder,
11. 07:34 borderline um but it is also common in other mental health issues. For example, there is something known as referential ideiation or ideas of reference. Referential ideation is when you believe that other people are talking about you. So you see a few people laughing in the corner. You’re here. They’re in the corner. They’re laughing and you say they’re laughing about me. Or you see that they are gossiping in the corner and you say they’re gossiping about me. It’s all about me. So that’s an example borderline um but it is also common in other mental health issues. For example, there is something known as referential ideiation or ideas of reference. Referential ideation is when you believe that other people are talking about you. So you see a few people laughing in the corner. You’re here. They’re in the corner. They’re laughing and you say they’re laughing about me. Or you see that they are gossiping in the corner and you say they’re gossiping about me. It’s all about me. So that’s an example
12. 08:09 of hypervigilance which is not linked to any major mental health issue but is linked to a mental health disturbance called referential ideation. Uh hypervigilance is also very very common in people who have experienced uh trauma, complex trauma, CPTtsd um or um actual trauma PTSD. In all post-traumatic conditions and states um you would tend to become hypervigilant. You would tend to try to interpret the behaviors of other people and you will have what we call a negative bias. you will interpret their behaviors as of hypervigilance which is not linked to any major mental health issue but is linked to a mental health disturbance called referential ideation. Uh hypervigilance is also very very common in people who have experienced uh trauma, complex trauma, CPTtsd um or um actual trauma PTSD. In all post-traumatic conditions and states um you would tend to become hypervigilant. You would tend to try to interpret the behaviors of other people and you will have what we call a negative bias. you will interpret their behaviors as
13. 08:51 something that is going to end badly for you because you’ve been traumatized. You you are sensitized. You and so this is very common in in uh in complex post-traumatic stress disorder. If you have been in a bad relationship, a very bad relationship involving maybe physical violence or extreme verbal abuse or you’re very likely to become hypervigilant. So, it’s also a result of life experience. In short, hypervigilance is not a clinical feature. It’s a behavior that is common to a very wide range of something that is going to end badly for you because you’ve been traumatized. You you are sensitized. You and so this is very common in in uh in complex post-traumatic stress disorder. If you have been in a bad relationship, a very bad relationship involving maybe physical violence or extreme verbal abuse or you’re very likely to become hypervigilant. So, it’s also a result of life experience. In short, hypervigilance is not a clinical feature. It’s a behavior that is common to a very wide range of
14. 09:32 situations and mental mental conditions. Anyone else? >> Question. Can you hear me? >> Can you hear me? >> I was intrigued by your opinion that they never grow up, that they are like three-year-old children. Um, does it mean that they can never be successful in life in any way? No, there is a very uh frequent confusion between semantic and episodic. Semantic the semantic functions are functions that have to do with the acquisition of skills and the ability to function in highly specific environments, rigid or situations and mental mental conditions. Anyone else? >> Question. Can you hear me? >> Can you hear me? >> I was intrigued by your opinion that they never grow up, that they are like three-year-old children. Um, does it mean that they can never be successful in life in any way? No, there is a very uh frequent confusion between semantic and episodic. Semantic the semantic functions are functions that have to do with the acquisition of skills and the ability to function in highly specific environments, rigid or
15. 10:29 structured or specified environments. So you could have a very high semantic capacity. So you’re able to learn new languages and new skills, acquire new professions and rise to the top of your profession, become a pillar of your community, um have major accomplishments in life and all this is the semantic complex or the semantic executive functions. But this has nothing to do with the episodic aspect. Visotic aspect involves life um life experience, biography, autobiography, a sense of continuity, structured or specified environments. So you could have a very high semantic capacity. So you’re able to learn new languages and new skills, acquire new professions and rise to the top of your profession, become a pillar of your community, um have major accomplishments in life and all this is the semantic complex or the semantic executive functions. But this has nothing to do with the episodic aspect. Visotic aspect involves life um life experience, biography, autobiography, a sense of continuity,
16. 11:09 episodic memory and so on so forth. So you could be highly immature. You could be highly immature. You could be three years old emotionally. You could be three years old psychologically. You could be three years old in the way you cope with the world and with other people. You could be three years old in the sense that you cannot perceive other people as external objects. You have no object relations. You could be three years old and at the same time you could be a leading physicist or the president episodic memory and so on so forth. So you could be highly immature. You could be highly immature. You could be three years old emotionally. You could be three years old psychologically. You could be three years old in the way you cope with the world and with other people. You could be three years old in the sense that you cannot perceive other people as external objects. You have no object relations. You could be three years old and at the same time you could be a leading physicist or the president
17. 11:38 of the United States. These two have nothing to do with each other. Psychological maturity is not a precondition for uh skilled functioning for for executive functioning. Not a precondition. It’s very bizarre that you are there to look at the camera. I look at you. I look there. Okay. Okay, guys. It’s your opportunity to to grill to grill a professor on cluster B. Nothing you ever wondered about narcissists and psychopaths and movies you have seen, serial killers, you know, none of this comes to mind. You don’t of the United States. These two have nothing to do with each other. Psychological maturity is not a precondition for uh skilled functioning for for executive functioning. Not a precondition. It’s very bizarre that you are there to look at the camera. I look at you. I look there. Okay. Okay, guys. It’s your opportunity to to grill to grill a professor on cluster B. Nothing you ever wondered about narcissists and psychopaths and movies you have seen, serial killers, you know, none of this comes to mind. You don’t
18. 12:27 want to know if ser if all psychopaths are serial killers. >> You don’t want to know if all narcissists are a-holes and obnoxious people. >> I mean, you don’t have to ask sophisticated questions. you can ask, you know, questions you’re curious about. >> So, I have a question uh uh if all of this antisocial disorders uh have the same core that the child sees everything as a internal object. Um uh should we treat all these disorders the same or different? So this is tomorrow’s lecture when we want to know if ser if all psychopaths are serial killers. >> You don’t want to know if all narcissists are a-holes and obnoxious people. >> I mean, you don’t have to ask sophisticated questions. you can ask, you know, questions you’re curious about. >> So, I have a question uh uh if all of this antisocial disorders uh have the same core that the child sees everything as a internal object. Um uh should we treat all these disorders the same or different? So this is tomorrow’s lecture when we
19. 13:13 discuss the radical differences in the philosophy radical philosophical differences between the diagnostic and statistical manual and the international classification of diseases. The international classification of diseases dictates a treatment plan, a plan of treatment that is customized to each and every client separately. The ICD says that there is no such thing as a diagnosis. You don’t diagnose. You describe the individual. You analyze the individual. You study the individual. and then you create a discuss the radical differences in the philosophy radical philosophical differences between the diagnostic and statistical manual and the international classification of diseases. The international classification of diseases dictates a treatment plan, a plan of treatment that is customized to each and every client separately. The ICD says that there is no such thing as a diagnosis. You don’t diagnose. You describe the individual. You analyze the individual. You study the individual. and then you create a
20. 13:53 treatment plan that is unique to that individual and does not apply to any other individual. So this is a radical difference from the DSM. The DSM is categorical. It is based on lists essentially although they did attempt something. We will discuss it tomorrow but basically it is still based on lists. So, and the DSM says if you are a psychopath, your treatment should be very different to if you’re a narcissist. Should not have the same treatment because these are two different diagnosis. So, the answer to your question, I treatment plan that is unique to that individual and does not apply to any other individual. So this is a radical difference from the DSM. The DSM is categorical. It is based on lists essentially although they did attempt something. We will discuss it tomorrow but basically it is still based on lists. So, and the DSM says if you are a psychopath, your treatment should be very different to if you’re a narcissist. Should not have the same treatment because these are two different diagnosis. So, the answer to your question, I
21. 14:34 think, is another question. Do we believe that these diagnoses are separate or do we believe that they are actually facets, manifestations and expressions of a single diagnosis underlying all of them? Like you know the famous story with the elephant. If you there were three blind wise men blinded wise wise men. One of them touched the elephant leg. One of them touched the trunk of the elephant. One of them touched the ear of the elephant. They were all describing the elephant, but each one of them came with a think, is another question. Do we believe that these diagnoses are separate or do we believe that they are actually facets, manifestations and expressions of a single diagnosis underlying all of them? Like you know the famous story with the elephant. If you there were three blind wise men blinded wise wise men. One of them touched the elephant leg. One of them touched the trunk of the elephant. One of them touched the ear of the elephant. They were all describing the elephant, but each one of them came with a
22. 15:10 different description. I personally always believed starting 30 years ago. 30 years ago, I wrote an article suggesting that all cluster B personality disorders are a single personality disorder. And the answer therefore to your question, yes, we should treat all of them identically. The ICD says that even though the treatment would be more or less the same, it has to be customized to the client or to to the patient, but the ICD basically adopts the same approach that all these disorders are one disorder. different description. I personally always believed starting 30 years ago. 30 years ago, I wrote an article suggesting that all cluster B personality disorders are a single personality disorder. And the answer therefore to your question, yes, we should treat all of them identically. The ICD says that even though the treatment would be more or less the same, it has to be customized to the client or to to the patient, but the ICD basically adopts the same approach that all these disorders are one disorder.
23. 15:46 I think the DSM committed a serious mistake and has misled many people for a very long time and that includes scholars and clinicians and so on. And again to remind you what I said at the beginning of the v of the lecture any clinician who is working with cluster B anyone no exception will tell you that the client is a narcissist on Monday a borderline on Wednesday and a psychopath on Friday. Any clinician would tell you this. So I do not think they should be treated differently. I think I think the unifying I think the DSM committed a serious mistake and has misled many people for a very long time and that includes scholars and clinicians and so on. And again to remind you what I said at the beginning of the v of the lecture any clinician who is working with cluster B anyone no exception will tell you that the client is a narcissist on Monday a borderline on Wednesday and a psychopath on Friday. Any clinician would tell you this. So I do not think they should be treated differently. I think I think the unifying
24. 16:26 characteristics the common common denominators clinical features are so extensive and so foundational that this is essentially the same the same disorder in my view and there is a debate to finalize the answer. There is a debate whether it is a clinical entity at all whether it is a mental illness at all. There’s a big debate about this. I, for example, do not think that psychopathy is a mental illness. I don’t think it’s a mental illness at all. Period. I also have very grave doubts about characteristics the common common denominators clinical features are so extensive and so foundational that this is essentially the same the same disorder in my view and there is a debate to finalize the answer. There is a debate whether it is a clinical entity at all whether it is a mental illness at all. There’s a big debate about this. I, for example, do not think that psychopathy is a mental illness. I don’t think it’s a mental illness at all. Period. I also have very grave doubts about
25. 17:06 narcissistic personality disorder. I don’t know if it’s a mental disorder. I am not sure at all because we will discuss it tomorrow. But these disorders are defined in relation to society, in relation to other people. They are defined relationally. So they you don’t define tuberculosis or malaria or cancer in relation to other people. Yeah, that would be crazy. Tuberculosis, malaria, cancer, they stand alone. They don’t depend on a context. They don’t depend on society. They don’t depend on other people. They narcissistic personality disorder. I don’t know if it’s a mental disorder. I am not sure at all because we will discuss it tomorrow. But these disorders are defined in relation to society, in relation to other people. They are defined relationally. So they you don’t define tuberculosis or malaria or cancer in relation to other people. Yeah, that would be crazy. Tuberculosis, malaria, cancer, they stand alone. They don’t depend on a context. They don’t depend on society. They don’t depend on other people. They
26. 17:52 don’t depend on your interactions. They are clinical entities. But the narcissist and the psychopath, they are defined and the borderline, they defi in the hyrionic, they are defined by how they relate to other people, by how they interact with society. That is to use a British understatement very very dubious proposition in my view but we’ll we’ll talk about all this tomorrow. >> Okay. I have one question, professor. Is is Nazis aware of uh what he’s doing that he hurts other people or he isn’t don’t depend on your interactions. They are clinical entities. But the narcissist and the psychopath, they are defined and the borderline, they defi in the hyrionic, they are defined by how they relate to other people, by how they interact with society. That is to use a British understatement very very dubious proposition in my view but we’ll we’ll talk about all this tomorrow. >> Okay. I have one question, professor. Is is Nazis aware of uh what he’s doing that he hurts other people or he isn’t
27. 18:41 aware of of that? >> People with cluster B personality disorders are fully aware of their actions and most of them are fully aware of the consequences of their actions. So they are able to predict the outcomes of their actions. They’re able to create a theory about the world and how the world functions. Yeah. They also theoretically know the difference between right and wrong. But what they do that they create narratives, they create u explanations that are self-justifying. So a narcissist, for example, would aware of of that? >> People with cluster B personality disorders are fully aware of their actions and most of them are fully aware of the consequences of their actions. So they are able to predict the outcomes of their actions. They’re able to create a theory about the world and how the world functions. Yeah. They also theoretically know the difference between right and wrong. But what they do that they create narratives, they create u explanations that are self-justifying. So a narcissist, for example, would
28. 19:23 abuse you. And he would say, “I’m not abusing you. I’m waking you up. I’m doing this for your own good. I care about you. This is tough love.” Or a psychopath would say, “I stole money from you because you were stupid. It’s your fault that you were not careful. Now you learn a lesson, and believe me, you will bless me. you will be happy that I took the money from you. So they create stories and narratives that justify their behaviors. They’re fully aware and they’re fully aware of abuse you. And he would say, “I’m not abusing you. I’m waking you up. I’m doing this for your own good. I care about you. This is tough love.” Or a psychopath would say, “I stole money from you because you were stupid. It’s your fault that you were not careful. Now you learn a lesson, and believe me, you will bless me. you will be happy that I took the money from you. So they create stories and narratives that justify their behaviors. They’re fully aware and they’re fully aware of
29. 19:59 what’s going to happen to people. They’re fully aware that they’re harming people, but they’re not aware of their motivations. If you ask the narcissist or the psychopath, why are you doing this? They’re at a loss. They don’t know. They don’t have self-awareness that is introspective. They don’t can’t see themselves because they don’t exist. They don’t have introspection because you cannot introspect if you don’t exist. But they do see the world. So they know what’s going to happen to people. They’re fully aware that they’re harming people, but they’re not aware of their motivations. If you ask the narcissist or the psychopath, why are you doing this? They’re at a loss. They don’t know. They don’t have self-awareness that is introspective. They don’t can’t see themselves because they don’t exist. They don’t have introspection because you cannot introspect if you don’t exist. But they do see the world. So they know
30. 20:33 when they act on the world and in the world they know everything. But they can’t gaze inside because there’s no inside. So they can’t really tell you why they’re doing what they’re doing. All right. Um, first off, can you hear me from this distance? >> I’m sorry. >> Can you can you hear me? >> Yes. >> All right. So, I have a a question like a scenario. Uh, let’s say we work as a psych psychologist as at a clinic for children and we notice a personality when they act on the world and in the world they know everything. But they can’t gaze inside because there’s no inside. So they can’t really tell you why they’re doing what they’re doing. All right. Um, first off, can you hear me from this distance? >> I’m sorry. >> Can you can you hear me? >> Yes. >> All right. So, I have a a question like a scenario. Uh, let’s say we work as a psych psychologist as at a clinic for children and we notice a personality
31. 21:14 disorder in parents. let’s say narcissistic personality disorder and how to get them I mean the parents to pos get professional help so it is mostly possible for them to disagree that anything wrong is going on with them >> how to encourage parents to to go to such >> yeah yeah >> you mean they have >> did I understand the question is a psychologist who is working with children >> that’s what you asked >> I uh you work with uh their um child and you notice the the parent. disorder in parents. let’s say narcissistic personality disorder and how to get them I mean the parents to pos get professional help so it is mostly possible for them to disagree that anything wrong is going on with them >> how to encourage parents to to go to such >> yeah yeah >> you mean they have >> did I understand the question is a psychologist who is working with children >> that’s what you asked >> I uh you work with uh their um child and you notice the the parent.
32. 21:54 >> Okay, understood. So I understood correctly. Okay. >> Um the only way to negate or reverse or limit the development of a personality disorder in a in a child if it’s not too late because if a child is 12 or it’s a serious problem but in early child about not talking about the child uh themsel about the parent like we are working with the child for let’s say uh depression and we notice in their parents that they uh have symptoms of personality disorder >> if it is if it is clustered B >> Okay, understood. So I understood correctly. Okay. >> Um the only way to negate or reverse or limit the development of a personality disorder in a in a child if it’s not too late because if a child is 12 or it’s a serious problem but in early child about not talking about the child uh themsel about the parent like we are working with the child for let’s say uh depression and we notice in their parents that they uh have symptoms of personality disorder >> if it is if it is clustered B
33. 22:39 personality disorders you can teach the parent to modify some behaviors which are detrimental to the child but you are very unlikely to obtain or achieve any fundamental change in the parent. So your focus should be on the child not the parent. You essentially give up on the parent. You teach the parent a few behaviors like I don’t know beat the child or don’t tell the child that they’re stupid or whatever. So behavior modification of the parent but your entire focus should be on the child personality disorders you can teach the parent to modify some behaviors which are detrimental to the child but you are very unlikely to obtain or achieve any fundamental change in the parent. So your focus should be on the child not the parent. You essentially give up on the parent. You teach the parent a few behaviors like I don’t know beat the child or don’t tell the child that they’re stupid or whatever. So behavior modification of the parent but your entire focus should be on the child
34. 23:13 and the only way to prevent damage to the child is what is known as modeling. You need to model someone the child can identify with and is an alternative to his parent. And this is Hines code. This is the work of Hines code in self psychology. uh you can read more on Hines Cohort’s uh therapy transferences transferences. So he suggested that the therapist should take the place of the parent knowingly intentionally and the therapist should encourage in the child the three transferences that I and the only way to prevent damage to the child is what is known as modeling. You need to model someone the child can identify with and is an alternative to his parent. And this is Hines code. This is the work of Hines code in self psychology. uh you can read more on Hines Cohort’s uh therapy transferences transferences. So he suggested that the therapist should take the place of the parent knowingly intentionally and the therapist should encourage in the child the three transferences that I
35. 23:57 mentioned so that the child can have an alternative parent figure with the correct transferences. the child will have a chance to develop normally let’s say and this is basically the only thing you can do modeling modeling a healthy parent when the parent is unhealthy you could be the healthy parent and it’s enough that you meet the child once a week because modeling is not a function of exposure modeling is a function of quality and intensity and messaging not how often the child sees you mentioned so that the child can have an alternative parent figure with the correct transferences. the child will have a chance to develop normally let’s say and this is basically the only thing you can do modeling modeling a healthy parent when the parent is unhealthy you could be the healthy parent and it’s enough that you meet the child once a week because modeling is not a function of exposure modeling is a function of quality and intensity and messaging not how often the child sees you
36. 24:32 so That’s if you want to save the child. The parent is I mean even parents with extreme cluster B modify behavior modify their behaviors that has been known to have been accomplished. But the problem is not the behaviors of the parent. The problem is who the parent is, the subliminal messaging of the parent. what messages the parent is sending to the child by virtue of who they are not how they behave. So we know for example that the empty schizoid core this emptiness is communicated to the child. so That’s if you want to save the child. The parent is I mean even parents with extreme cluster B modify behavior modify their behaviors that has been known to have been accomplished. But the problem is not the behaviors of the parent. The problem is who the parent is, the subliminal messaging of the parent. what messages the parent is sending to the child by virtue of who they are not how they behave. So we know for example that the empty schizoid core this emptiness is communicated to the child.
37. 25:14 There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not a behavior. No, we know that the child is treated as an extension or an instrument and therefore the child cannot develop a functional self boundaried and constellated self. We know that the the the parent doesn’t treat the child as an external object but as an internal object. Consequently, the child would find it very difficult to develop the ability to distinguish between external and internal etc etc. None of these things is a behavior. You There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not a behavior. No, we know that the child is treated as an extension or an instrument and therefore the child cannot develop a functional self boundaried and constellated self. We know that the the the parent doesn’t treat the child as an external object but as an internal object. Consequently, the child would find it very difficult to develop the ability to distinguish between external and internal etc etc. None of these things is a behavior. You
38. 25:50 cannot modify these things. It’s who the parent is. It’s the essence of the parent. It’s the core identity. So there’s nothing you can do about this. You can teach the parent not to call the child stupid. Okay? That’s not the main issue, believe me. And so you need to provide the child with a secure base, a holding environment, a containing environment within which you act as a benevolent, powerful parent. That’s according to Koh and I tend to agree with you. Uh is there cannot modify these things. It’s who the parent is. It’s the essence of the parent. It’s the core identity. So there’s nothing you can do about this. You can teach the parent not to call the child stupid. Okay? That’s not the main issue, believe me. And so you need to provide the child with a secure base, a holding environment, a containing environment within which you act as a benevolent, powerful parent. That’s according to Koh and I tend to agree with you. Uh is there
39. 26:37 uh what’s the uh relation between borderline personality disorder and depression? What’s could could you del deeper into um >> depression depression of all kinds including major depressive episode and psychothermia to some extent are very common in borderline personality disorder. The coorbidity or the co-occurrence of depression and borderline personality disorder is very high. Same with anxiety. Anxiety disorders are also very high. The borderline is unable to self-regulate. That’s the uh what’s the uh relation between borderline personality disorder and depression? What’s could could you del deeper into um >> depression depression of all kinds including major depressive episode and psychothermia to some extent are very common in borderline personality disorder. The coorbidity or the co-occurrence of depression and borderline personality disorder is very high. Same with anxiety. Anxiety disorders are also very high. The borderline is unable to self-regulate. That’s the
40. 27:29 core issue in borderline. You can get rid of all the other things and what’s left is emotion dysregulation and mood liability. So inability to regulate moods and inability to regulate emotions. Put the two together, you get 90% of borderline. And so the inability to regulate moods implies that the borderline is cycling between depression and mania or depression and euphoria. It’s not bipolar disorder. It’s a common mistake that even diagnostician and and and professors make when they confuse core issue in borderline. You can get rid of all the other things and what’s left is emotion dysregulation and mood liability. So inability to regulate moods and inability to regulate emotions. Put the two together, you get 90% of borderline. And so the inability to regulate moods implies that the borderline is cycling between depression and mania or depression and euphoria. It’s not bipolar disorder. It’s a common mistake that even diagnostician and and and professors make when they confuse
41. 28:09 borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. These are not the two things the same. But the answer to your question is that um depression is very common in borderline. It’s part of mood ability and is linked to the borderline’s inability to regulate her internal environment and her dependency on regulation from the outside. So when the regulation from the outside is not is not forthcoming or is disappointing or is threatening in some way. For example, when the regulation from the borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. These are not the two things the same. But the answer to your question is that um depression is very common in borderline. It’s part of mood ability and is linked to the borderline’s inability to regulate her internal environment and her dependency on regulation from the outside. So when the regulation from the outside is not is not forthcoming or is disappointing or is threatening in some way. For example, when the regulation from the
42. 28:47 outside is linked to intimacy and love, the borderline then reacts with depression because she can’t regulate. All the borderline’s regulation comes from the outside. She has no self-regulation. Exactly like the narcissist. It’s all coming from the outside. When you are dependent, you you’re healthy. You’re not borderline maybe. I don’t know. But okay, you’re healthy. If you are dependent, imagine that you are dependent on other people. You know what? Not for regulation, for food. outside is linked to intimacy and love, the borderline then reacts with depression because she can’t regulate. All the borderline’s regulation comes from the outside. She has no self-regulation. Exactly like the narcissist. It’s all coming from the outside. When you are dependent, you you’re healthy. You’re not borderline maybe. I don’t know. But okay, you’re healthy. If you are dependent, imagine that you are dependent on other people. You know what? Not for regulation, for food.
43. 29:20 You’re dependent on other people for food. Like you can’t obtain food except through other people. Wouldn’t you be depressed? You would be depressed. Dependency creates depression because dependency takes away your agency, your independence, your personal autonomy. It takes away all these things. It negates you. Dependency means you are not complete without the presence of the actions of another person. So dependency always leads to depression. Even in healthy people, if you take a healthy You’re dependent on other people for food. Like you can’t obtain food except through other people. Wouldn’t you be depressed? You would be depressed. Dependency creates depression because dependency takes away your agency, your independence, your personal autonomy. It takes away all these things. It negates you. Dependency means you are not complete without the presence of the actions of another person. So dependency always leads to depression. Even in healthy people, if you take a healthy
44. 29:57 person and they become dependent on another person, they will develop depression and anxiety. So the borderline is totally dependent on other people for critical ego functions, critical psychological functions. And this dependency is very depressing, I I would say. And of course, she’s depressed all the time. Uh there are there was a school in the 60s where they suggested that cluster V personality disorders are actually depressive illnesses that there are forms of depression. Like they said that person and they become dependent on another person, they will develop depression and anxiety. So the borderline is totally dependent on other people for critical ego functions, critical psychological functions. And this dependency is very depressing, I I would say. And of course, she’s depressed all the time. Uh there are there was a school in the 60s where they suggested that cluster V personality disorders are actually depressive illnesses that there are forms of depression. Like they said that
45. 30:36 the child who is abused and traumatized is grieving. There is grief. There’s mourning. The child grieavves the child grieavves that it cannot become. The child grieavves that it’s not allowed to do something. So there’s a lot of grief and the grief is lifelong what we call prolonged grief. So the grief is lifelong and so some scholars in the 60s and later they suggested that these cluster B personality disorders actually grief reactions that it’s just grief and grief renders you dysfunctional. When you are grieving the child who is abused and traumatized is grieving. There is grief. There’s mourning. The child grieavves the child grieavves that it cannot become. The child grieavves that it’s not allowed to do something. So there’s a lot of grief and the grief is lifelong what we call prolonged grief. So the grief is lifelong and so some scholars in the 60s and later they suggested that these cluster B personality disorders actually grief reactions that it’s just grief and grief renders you dysfunctional. When you are grieving
46. 31:14 you are less empathic. When you’re grieving you cannot notice the presence of other people. So like grief explains all this when you’re grief grieving you’re depressed and and so on. I do believe that there is an element of grief in cluster B personality disorders. I believe that they are grieving what they could have been and will never be. It’s sad. Class B personality disorders are said disorders not like for example paranoid personality or schizotipal or schizoid which are not said they’re just you are less empathic. When you’re grieving you cannot notice the presence of other people. So like grief explains all this when you’re grief grieving you’re depressed and and so on. I do believe that there is an element of grief in cluster B personality disorders. I believe that they are grieving what they could have been and will never be. It’s sad. Class B personality disorders are said disorders not like for example paranoid personality or schizotipal or schizoid which are not said they’re just
47. 31:49 dysfunctional but in cluster B there is sadness because you can see the child if I work with someone with schizoid paranoid I can’t see the child I can see a disordered adult you But when I work with a narcissist or a borderline or even a psychopath, I can see the child definitely. It’s clear. It’s evident. It’s manifest. It’s there. And it’s not just any child. It’s a crying child, traumatized child, broken child, a child in need, and and so on. Now, of course, cluster B patients being dysfunctional but in cluster B there is sadness because you can see the child if I work with someone with schizoid paranoid I can’t see the child I can see a disordered adult you But when I work with a narcissist or a borderline or even a psychopath, I can see the child definitely. It’s clear. It’s evident. It’s manifest. It’s there. And it’s not just any child. It’s a crying child, traumatized child, broken child, a child in need, and and so on. Now, of course, cluster B patients being
48. 32:29 who they are, they use this child. They use this child to seduce people, to tempt people, to bait people. They they misuse this child. They they give you access to this child and then you bond with them or you get attached to them and then they abuse you. So you need to be careful. But you do see the child. We say in psychology we say that all the mental health disorders can be divided into mad, bad and sad. Yeah. You’re either mad or you’re bad or you’re sad. So I think cluster B personality who they are, they use this child. They use this child to seduce people, to tempt people, to bait people. They they misuse this child. They they give you access to this child and then you bond with them or you get attached to them and then they abuse you. So you need to be careful. But you do see the child. We say in psychology we say that all the mental health disorders can be divided into mad, bad and sad. Yeah. You’re either mad or you’re bad or you’re sad. So I think cluster B personality
49. 33:08 disorders are very sad. They’re tragic. They’re tragic because this was a child usually with a lot of potential who has never been allowed to become an adult. Never been allowed to self-actualize. Never been allowed to love or to experience love. never been allowed to interact with other people in a meaningful way. A child who has been denied life. Harvey Cleley Harvey Kleley who wrote the brilliant masterpiece seinal book the mask of sanity. Harvey Kleley said that cluster B he called them disorders are very sad. They’re tragic. They’re tragic because this was a child usually with a lot of potential who has never been allowed to become an adult. Never been allowed to self-actualize. Never been allowed to love or to experience love. never been allowed to interact with other people in a meaningful way. A child who has been denied life. Harvey Cleley Harvey Kleley who wrote the brilliant masterpiece seinal book the mask of sanity. Harvey Kleley said that cluster B he called them
50. 33:48 psychopaths. Cluster B are people who have rejected life. I just wish I want to introduce a small correction. Cluster B are not people who have rejected life. Cluster B are people whose life who life has rejected. They have been rejected by life. It’s extremely tragic because you look at a narcissist and he could have been anything. He could have been anyone. He could have been happy and loving and he has all the capacity. He has intelligence. He has the looks. He has the but he’s an invalid. He’s a psychopaths. Cluster B are people who have rejected life. I just wish I want to introduce a small correction. Cluster B are not people who have rejected life. Cluster B are people whose life who life has rejected. They have been rejected by life. It’s extremely tragic because you look at a narcissist and he could have been anything. He could have been anyone. He could have been happy and loving and he has all the capacity. He has intelligence. He has the looks. He has the but he’s an invalid. He’s a
51. 34:28 He has been crippled by his mother. Can you imagine anything more shocking than this? So it’s a shocking state. It’s a shocking group of of disorders which is probably why I’m studying it. And it has affinity to other shocking disorders like psychotic disorders. Schizophrenia for example, autism spectrum disorders. In all these disorders, if I had to put all these disorders together, psychotic, cluster B, autism, I have to put them together under one label, I would call them denial of potential disorders. He has been crippled by his mother. Can you imagine anything more shocking than this? So it’s a shocking state. It’s a shocking group of of disorders which is probably why I’m studying it. And it has affinity to other shocking disorders like psychotic disorders. Schizophrenia for example, autism spectrum disorders. In all these disorders, if I had to put all these disorders together, psychotic, cluster B, autism, I have to put them together under one label, I would call them denial of potential disorders.
52. 35:08 Denial of potential. See, autism, for example, in autism spectrum disorder, you see lovely people, but they’re not they’re half people. It’s like so much is missing. It’s politically incorrect. I’m a very controversial figure for those of you who don’t know much about me. I’m very controversial because I speak my mind and that’s not something done in the west. There is a lot of censorship in the west. You many things you’re not allowed to say. But when I look at someone with cluster Denial of potential. See, autism, for example, in autism spectrum disorder, you see lovely people, but they’re not they’re half people. It’s like so much is missing. It’s politically incorrect. I’m a very controversial figure for those of you who don’t know much about me. I’m very controversial because I speak my mind and that’s not something done in the west. There is a lot of censorship in the west. You many things you’re not allowed to say. But when I look at someone with cluster
53. 35:42 B personality disorder, they don’t have empathy. They don’t have effective empathy. They don’t have the capacity to experience positive emotions. They never loved and would never love ever. They don’t have uh they can’t tell the difference between external and internal. So they live in a delirious delirious pseudo surrealistic landscape that is dreamlike. They live in a dream all the time and so on and so forth. And then having made the list of what they do not have, what they lack, B personality disorder, they don’t have empathy. They don’t have effective empathy. They don’t have the capacity to experience positive emotions. They never loved and would never love ever. They don’t have uh they can’t tell the difference between external and internal. So they live in a delirious delirious pseudo surrealistic landscape that is dreamlike. They live in a dream all the time and so on and so forth. And then having made the list of what they do not have, what they lack,
54. 36:15 I’m forced to ask myself in which sense are these people human? In which sense are they human? They have been denied their humanity and that is the tragedy of cluster B. They could have become human but they were stopped midway and they never became human. They are halfbaked. They’re not full-fledged. They miss the critical components. If you if you put me to the corner with a gun and you tell me what are the two things that make a human being, empathy and emotions, all the rest is not very important. I’m forced to ask myself in which sense are these people human? In which sense are they human? They have been denied their humanity and that is the tragedy of cluster B. They could have become human but they were stopped midway and they never became human. They are halfbaked. They’re not full-fledged. They miss the critical components. If you if you put me to the corner with a gun and you tell me what are the two things that make a human being, empathy and emotions, all the rest is not very important.
55. 36:56 These are the this is what makes someone a human being. And yet in cluster B, you have neither not empathy and not emotions. In other words, you’re soypistic. You’re all alone. Cluster B personality disorders are disorders of loneliness. You’re really, really completely alone. You can’t interact with other people because you don’t perceive them. You can’t love other people because you’re not capable of positive emotions. You can’t understand other people because you have no empathy or at least These are the this is what makes someone a human being. And yet in cluster B, you have neither not empathy and not emotions. In other words, you’re soypistic. You’re all alone. Cluster B personality disorders are disorders of loneliness. You’re really, really completely alone. You can’t interact with other people because you don’t perceive them. You can’t love other people because you’re not capable of positive emotions. You can’t understand other people because you have no empathy or at least
56. 37:34 not effective empathy. You’re really, really all alone. Totally alone. Never to exit this solitary confinement. A prison. You’re sentenced to life in prison. And yes, cluster B people, they make a lot of money, so the prison looks nice. You know, they make the prison nice. They decorate the prison. They get married. They have children. So they say, “You see, I’m normal. I have a wife or a husband. I have children. These are decorations. They’re decorating the prison. It is still a prison. And they not effective empathy. You’re really, really all alone. Totally alone. Never to exit this solitary confinement. A prison. You’re sentenced to life in prison. And yes, cluster B people, they make a lot of money, so the prison looks nice. You know, they make the prison nice. They decorate the prison. They get married. They have children. So they say, “You see, I’m normal. I have a wife or a husband. I have children. These are decorations. They’re decorating the prison. It is still a prison. And they
57. 38:13 are alone in a cell until the very day they die. I don’t know of any sentence worse than this. I think it’s better to die. This is a horrible sentence. Soypism is a horrible sentence. Oh, I guess a followup question is in order. >> What is a person in cluster therapy like supposed to do about being about that? >> Depends. Here it depends. >> If you have borderline personality disorder, your prognosis is very good. You are going to lose the diagnosis between the ages of 35 and 45. 81% of are alone in a cell until the very day they die. I don’t know of any sentence worse than this. I think it’s better to die. This is a horrible sentence. Soypism is a horrible sentence. Oh, I guess a followup question is in order. >> What is a person in cluster therapy like supposed to do about being about that? >> Depends. Here it depends. >> If you have borderline personality disorder, your prognosis is very good. You are going to lose the diagnosis between the ages of 35 and 45. 81% of
58. 39:05 people with borderline lose the diagnosis spontaneously without treatment between 35 and 45 according to the ICD1 2022. And if you don’t lose the diagnosis between 35 and 45, you can um you can have DBT therapy, dialectical behavior therapy and it isification sufficient in 50% of the cases. So to put the two together, you have you have a 91% chance 92% chance almost to not be a borderline after age 45 and you have an 85% chance to not be a borderline after age 35. That’s not bad. The prognosis is people with borderline lose the diagnosis spontaneously without treatment between 35 and 45 according to the ICD1 2022. And if you don’t lose the diagnosis between 35 and 45, you can um you can have DBT therapy, dialectical behavior therapy and it isification sufficient in 50% of the cases. So to put the two together, you have you have a 91% chance 92% chance almost to not be a borderline after age 45 and you have an 85% chance to not be a borderline after age 35. That’s not bad. The prognosis is
59. 39:53 excellent for borderline. Actually, when it comes to narcissist, the prognosis is a disaster. almost as bad as psychopaths. But you see, they have a defense. Narcissists and psychopaths have a defense. They don’t feel that they need to change. They don’t feel that anything is wrong. They don’t feel that they need treatment. So, in a way, they’re not suffering. There’s no suffering in narcissism and and psychopathy. When I said before that it is a life sentence and that it is horrible, it’s excellent for borderline. Actually, when it comes to narcissist, the prognosis is a disaster. almost as bad as psychopaths. But you see, they have a defense. Narcissists and psychopaths have a defense. They don’t feel that they need to change. They don’t feel that anything is wrong. They don’t feel that they need treatment. So, in a way, they’re not suffering. There’s no suffering in narcissism and and psychopathy. When I said before that it is a life sentence and that it is horrible, it’s
60. 40:33 the point of view of healthy people, not the point of view of the narcissist, not the point of view of the psychopath. They’re happy golucky. So the borderline will heal. She will lose or he will lose the borderline. It’ll be okay. Maximum age 45, you’ll be healthy. Not bad. much better than many physical diseases. Yeah. And the narcissist and psychopath, they don’t feel that they need to. So they are also okay. Everyone is okay ultimately. In other words, it’s not it’s not such a bad experience to have the point of view of healthy people, not the point of view of the narcissist, not the point of view of the psychopath. They’re happy golucky. So the borderline will heal. She will lose or he will lose the borderline. It’ll be okay. Maximum age 45, you’ll be healthy. Not bad. much better than many physical diseases. Yeah. And the narcissist and psychopath, they don’t feel that they need to. So they are also okay. Everyone is okay ultimately. In other words, it’s not it’s not such a bad experience to have
61. 41:12 cluster B. It’s just that when you look at it from the outside, it’s a horror. It’s a horror from the outside. It’s a little like asking a robot, a kind of automat or some device, how do you feel? Like asking artificial intelligence, how do you feel about being artificial intelligence? I’ve never been anything but artificial intelligence. How would I know how it feels? I mean, a narcissist has never been anything but a narcissist. So, it’s it’s normal for him or for her. cluster B. It’s just that when you look at it from the outside, it’s a horror. It’s a horror from the outside. It’s a little like asking a robot, a kind of automat or some device, how do you feel? Like asking artificial intelligence, how do you feel about being artificial intelligence? I’ve never been anything but artificial intelligence. How would I know how it feels? I mean, a narcissist has never been anything but a narcissist. So, it’s it’s normal for him or for her.
62. 41:46 It’s not something you know there’s no that’s why there’s no ego destiny. However, a narcissist has had a short period of time preverbal preverbal period of time until age 36 months uh until age one year I’m sorry and after that between one year and 3 years there were stages of self a stages of more self-connectedness stages where there was still a chance um to have a normal life. So only when we look from the outside we say wow it’s so horrible. This baby had a has a chance to become normal and he It’s not something you know there’s no that’s why there’s no ego destiny. However, a narcissist has had a short period of time preverbal preverbal period of time until age 36 months uh until age one year I’m sorry and after that between one year and 3 years there were stages of self a stages of more self-connectedness stages where there was still a chance um to have a normal life. So only when we look from the outside we say wow it’s so horrible. This baby had a has a chance to become normal and he
63. 42:28 was the baby was not given the chance but that’s an external perspective not internal. They’re not suffering if that’s what you’re asking. The borderline does the borderline is suffering um a lot but the compensation is that she’s going to um lose the suffering at a relatively at a stage where she can relatively have a life still have a life. No >> why a child creates a false self. >> I think I explained it so when I upload it to YouTube you can watch it again. So, uh you said earlier that a person was the baby was not given the chance but that’s an external perspective not internal. They’re not suffering if that’s what you’re asking. The borderline does the borderline is suffering um a lot but the compensation is that she’s going to um lose the suffering at a relatively at a stage where she can relatively have a life still have a life. No >> why a child creates a false self. >> I think I explained it so when I upload it to YouTube you can watch it again. So, uh you said earlier that a person
64. 43:18 who spends a lot of time with someone with a disorder can um start acting like them and I have a couple question to that. Uh why does it happen and how can a person uh prevent that? Contagion. Contagion has two pathway. I call it contagion. It’s a bit like infectious disease. Contagion has two pathways. The first pathway is you are try trying to please the narcissist or the psychopath or the borderline trying to please them. You’re trying to cater to their needs. You’re trying to meet their who spends a lot of time with someone with a disorder can um start acting like them and I have a couple question to that. Uh why does it happen and how can a person uh prevent that? Contagion. Contagion has two pathway. I call it contagion. It’s a bit like infectious disease. Contagion has two pathways. The first pathway is you are try trying to please the narcissist or the psychopath or the borderline trying to please them. You’re trying to cater to their needs. You’re trying to meet their
65. 43:58 expectations. you’re trying to and so in order to do that you need to emulate them and imitate them and become like them. So this is the people pleasing the people pleasing trajectory and you simply imitate. Meaning also when you are in a relationship with this kind of person they infantilize you. They regress you. They don’t allow you to be an adult. They force you to become child because they take away your agency, your independence, your autonomy. They isolate you. So they become your expectations. you’re trying to and so in order to do that you need to emulate them and imitate them and become like them. So this is the people pleasing the people pleasing trajectory and you simply imitate. Meaning also when you are in a relationship with this kind of person they infantilize you. They regress you. They don’t allow you to be an adult. They force you to become child because they take away your agency, your independence, your autonomy. They isolate you. So they become your
66. 44:35 reality testing. They take away your family, your friends. Gradually you become dependent and you’re a child. And as a child you mimic the adult. So your the other person with the personality disorder becomes the adult and you become the child and you mimic the adult. This is called modeling. So you imitate and emulate the person. So this is one path. The other path is that if you are reactive to the person with personality disorder, you need to behave the same. If the narcissist abuses you, you need to abuse reality testing. They take away your family, your friends. Gradually you become dependent and you’re a child. And as a child you mimic the adult. So your the other person with the personality disorder becomes the adult and you become the child and you mimic the adult. This is called modeling. So you imitate and emulate the person. So this is one path. The other path is that if you are reactive to the person with personality disorder, you need to behave the same. If the narcissist abuses you, you need to abuse
67. 45:20 it. If the borderline is disregulated and all over the place and crazy making and so on, sooner or later, you will be swept into the chaos and the and you will also be disregulated. You’ll also act in a crazy way because everything is unpredictable and you know mess. It’s chaos. So the other path is that by reacting to them, you’re actually adopting their strategies, their behaviors, and finally their traits. You become more and more narcissistic, less and less empathic, more and more it. If the borderline is disregulated and all over the place and crazy making and so on, sooner or later, you will be swept into the chaos and the and you will also be disregulated. You’ll also act in a crazy way because everything is unpredictable and you know mess. It’s chaos. So the other path is that by reacting to them, you’re actually adopting their strategies, their behaviors, and finally their traits. You become more and more narcissistic, less and less empathic, more and more
68. 45:55 disregulated, and more and more psychopathic. If you’re living with a psychopath or if you’re in an interaction with a psychopath and the psychopath is threatening you, threatening you somehow. And if you’re unable to avoid the situation, maybe a great strategy is to threaten him back. For example, they force you to adopt their behaviors. And this is known on the internet as reactive abuse. Yes, you become more and more similar to them. This is not this is transient and it’s not like you became a narcissist or disregulated, and more and more psychopathic. If you’re living with a psychopath or if you’re in an interaction with a psychopath and the psychopath is threatening you, threatening you somehow. And if you’re unable to avoid the situation, maybe a great strategy is to threaten him back. For example, they force you to adopt their behaviors. And this is known on the internet as reactive abuse. Yes, you become more and more similar to them. This is not this is transient and it’s not like you became a narcissist or
69. 46:32 became a it’s just behaviorally you imitate them and it’s passing it’s transient. There’s no need to worry about this. became a it’s just behaviorally you imitate them and it’s passing it’s transient. There’s no need to worry about this.