Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Narcissist’s Identity: Shame, Delusional Self-concept (Clip: Narcissism Summaries YouTube Channel)

1. 00:03 ‏dissociates inperative
2. 00:09 to not forgetful to not appear demented and in a desperate effort to cover up for these memory gaps and identity lapses the narcissist lies he confabulates he invents stories which are plausible and probable
3. 00:38 ‏un them exposing them are many people this to be gasing gas lighting actually is a psychopathic behavior gas lighting implies premedication intention goal orientation the is only goal only wish
4. 01:07 ‏doesn’t need to gasl you but ends up doing it because he lives in concted fictitious narratives that have little to do with what had really happened. You must remember that the narcissist is a case of arrested development. He is an infant. ‏He has infantile defense mechanisms
5. 01:28 such as splitting. The narciss spends most of his life in regressive infantilism. He is maybe two years old, he is maybe four years old. In the best case he is n years old but he is never an adult not even an adolescent. ‏avoid shirk adult ches and adult responsibilities
6. 01:56 they are pet syndrome they are eternally stuck in earlyease of life unable to extrate themselves and later unwilling to extrate themselves and they fully expect you to cater to their needs as children do and they throw temperentrons if you don’t they spoiled brands
7. 02:19 ‏Part of a reason for this is cognitive distortions. The narciss does not perceive reality properly. The narciss distorts reality cognitively prime example is grandiosity. The narciss perceives himself as godlike, perfect, brilliant, omniscient,
8. 02:41 all knowing, omnipotent, all powerful. ‏Of course it’s a wrong selfperception he is not like that but he fully believes that he is. So he is he distorts reality he fakes it. He reframes it. He reforms it and reshapes it to cater to his need to perceive
9. 03:03 himself as godlike. It’s a kind of private religion if you wish and this creates cognitive distortions gradually the narciss drifts away.
10. 03:21 ‏testing becomes more and more delusional more and more and detached from what we all healthy people consider to be the real the essential he lives more and more inside his head inside his mind inhabiting an internal space with representations ‏as internals intetes
11. 03:50 and withdraws into the safety of this boundaried space known as mine and these are the only boundaries he does have so it’s perfectly perfectly logical to say that narcissism is a form of mild psychosis suggested this in the 70s ‏The narcissist also suffers from
12. 04:16 emotional or effective disregulation but not like the border borderline experiences empathy and she experiences strong emotions. ‏overmord take over her subd her drs in em unable to function anymore because fled with with tsunami of feelings and
13. 04:43 effects and memories and that’s the border the narcis is different his emotions and his effects are also disregulated but in a different way he has something called ‏inappropriate effect and reduced effect display in other words the narcissist experiences
14. 05:04 only an extremely limited set of emotions known as negative affectivity he experiences envices anger he experiences all the negative emotions and in an attempt to fit into society somehow he either demonstrates or ‏shows inappropriate emotions,
15. 05:28 inappropriate effect. For example, he may laugh at a funeral or he may find a tragedy very comic and on the other hand suppress all emotional displays, reduced effect display. So he would appear to be unflappable with a poker face, untouchable, impermeable, invulnerable,
16. 05:52 sil etc, etc. ‏The narcissist doesn’t have acting out. He doesn’t act out the way the borderline does. He doesn’t just fly off the handle and does crazy reckless things like the borderline. He he rarely loses control becauseological narcissism is focused on
17. 06:13 control. It’s a control adaptation. ‏It’s a positive adaptation in early childhood in an environment that had been chaotic and hectic and unpredictable and and dangerous and ominous and threatening. So narcism is about control where the borderline loses control when
18. 06:32 she switches into the secondary psychopathy mode. When she anticipates humiliation and rejection and abandonment she just loses it. The narcissist doesn’t. ‏actually if anything tries toert control reassume control usually by preempting abandon abandons first cru
19. 06:56 and but the nar exactly like the borderline his episodes of decompensation decompensation is when the narcissist defenses crumble fall apart when he can no longer lie to himself and tell himself that he is godlik ‏that he is a divinity or a deity that
20. 07:15 he is perfect and brilliant and handsome and amazing and a professor of psychology so he cannot tell himself all these things and then he falls apart he falls apart in two ways the mild form is known as narcissistic injury and the extreme form is known as narcissistic
21. 07:38 motification when the narciss decompensates he ‏doesn’t act out. It doesn’t go crazy. What happens instead? He develops a mood disorder. He becomes depressed and anxious. This happens also to psychopaths. We are beginning to discover the stereotype or the fearless
22. 07:57 psychopath is just that a stereotype is not true. Psychopaths actually experience long periods of anxiety disorders. ‏Same with the narcis the naris emoal disregulation in the form of inappropriate reduced effect has profound implications the narcis is unable to perceive
23. 08:23 external reality properly for the reasons that i had explained but he is also unable to perceive internal reality properly he has impaired internal reality testing ‏empathy empathyle but not part of empathy so the narcis begins to get lost he simply he disoriented
24. 08:54 he can’t evaluate or appraise reality externally properly and gradually he doesn’t understand his internality properly ‏loses touch with both external and even more extreme psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia paranoia narely to be not only a small kid but a very
25. 09:23 very terrified and scared small kid because it’s a kid who doesn’t understand the world out there and doesn’t understand what is happening inside ‏It is important to understand important to grasp with narciss that his whatever shs of identity that he does have
26. 09:47 they are negative he has a negative identity he defines himself in contradistinction to others he defines himself by contrast by comparison with others via relative positioning if he is envious ‏as that constantly comparing himself likely to say I’m
27. 10:15 never going to be like my father he was a loser I I I think my boss is deficient I’m much better than him constantly compares himself to other people in his early life in his late life in his present in his past and even in the future. ‏Even people never like political
28. 10:37 leaders figures from history and this creates called negative identity negative identity is about rejecting rejecting other people rejecting their their assets and rejecting their liabilities rejecting their good traits and characteristics and rejecting their
29. 10:58 flaws and deficiencies. ‏about reing the nar defes himselfires kind of sense of identity i call it pseudo identity by rejecting other people but rejection becomes an organizing principle rejection in the narciss life makes sense of his existence imbus it with
30. 11:24 meaning and direction gives it structure it’s a method of operation
31. 11:38 ‏himself narcissism is extreme form of self loathing there been a big debate in the psychology of narcissism whether narcissist are happy go lucky whether they are egoyic whether they like themselves, they comfortable with themselves ‏narcissism and all this is yes in the
32. 12:03 case of the overtysis but we are beginning to realiz that the overt narcis is actually not a narcisist is a psychopath and the only real form of pathological narcissism is what used to be called until now covert narcissism or compensatory narcisatory
33. 12:25 narcis is a narcis ‏hates himself lo himself considers himself secretly inferior as an inferiority complex adla and so this kind of narcis compensates by pretending that he is great that he is godlike that he is all knowing all powerful perfect brilliant flawless
34. 12:53 infallible that’s his compensatory mechanism ‏selfloading selfloading comp forces to display to put on a display of superiority arrogance and yes rejection but as I said rejection metastes it spreads you can’t control it if youate if youate to the world via
35. 13:24 rejection you you ‏end up rejecting yourself and this is the ircism deep inside the narciss despises himself contemp contemptuously relates to himself deep inside the narcissist has autoplastic defenses very similar to the neurotics defenses he blames himself he shames himself
36. 13:59 ‏insicalismunctional coping strategy with shame it is based on shame and the inability to process shame as a child and so this would lead the narciss to have a neurotic core the inside of the narcis is actually neurotic and this is the original observation ‏of Otto Kenberg in
37. 14:25 the 70s he said that narcissism and borderline which he thought were one and the same narcissism and borderline are on the border that’s why you call the border line on the border between neurosis and psychosis and I couldn’t agree with him more he was a great
38. 14:43 visionary who is now being vindicated ‏It