Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. How to Reboot Your Life In 2026

1. 00:02 The new year is upon us and as has become a tradition on this channel, here is a video full of tips and advice as to how to reboot your life and render it richer, more productive, and all around more contented if not happy. You can find the previous videos in the life’s wisdom playlist on this channel, Life’s Wisdom. The link is in the description. And the playlist contains dozens of videos with tips, advice, insights, directions, and generally the wisdom of the ages and my own added to it for The new year is upon us and as has become a tradition on this channel, here is a video full of tips and advice as to how to reboot your life and render it richer, more productive, and all around more contented if not happy. You can find the previous videos in the life’s wisdom playlist on this channel, Life’s Wisdom. The link is in the description. And the playlist contains dozens of videos with tips, advice, insights, directions, and generally the wisdom of the ages and my own added to it for
2. 00:50 whatever it’s worth. And I advise you to listen to one video a night before you go to sleep. Okay. My name is San Baknin. I’m the author of Malignant Self Love, Narcissism Revisited, and a professor of psychology. And today a few insights, a few observations which may appear to you to be counterintuitive. But if you wish to go deeper, if you wish to do a thorough work of revamping yourself, give yourself a chance, then you would do well to listen to what I have to say in this video. We start with the fact whatever it’s worth. And I advise you to listen to one video a night before you go to sleep. Okay. My name is San Baknin. I’m the author of Malignant Self Love, Narcissism Revisited, and a professor of psychology. And today a few insights, a few observations which may appear to you to be counterintuitive. But if you wish to go deeper, if you wish to do a thorough work of revamping yourself, give yourself a chance, then you would do well to listen to what I have to say in this video. We start with the fact
3. 01:35 that you need to take care of you because no one else will. There are no saviors, no angels, no loved ones, no nearest and no dearest. Forget all this. Not your children, not your spouse, not your lovers, not your boyfriends, not your girlfriends, not your neighbors, not your friends. No one is coming to save you from yourself. You need to take care of you because you are the only one you’ve got. And so in a way we are all alone. In a way we all solistic. In a way we are all isolated in crucial that you need to take care of you because no one else will. There are no saviors, no angels, no loved ones, no nearest and no dearest. Forget all this. Not your children, not your spouse, not your lovers, not your boyfriends, not your girlfriends, not your neighbors, not your friends. No one is coming to save you from yourself. You need to take care of you because you are the only one you’ve got. And so in a way we are all alone. In a way we all solistic. In a way we are all isolated in crucial
4. 02:21 moments in our life. From birth to death we are completely on our own. No one can reach out to us even if they want to and very few want to. So you take care of you. A sign of self-love is the wish to change to transform oneself. Now you could say I don’t love myself. I hate myself. I’m self-destructive. But that’s also a form of attention. You’re paying attention to yourself. The attention could be negative. The attention could be self-destructive and self-defeating and self harming and moments in our life. From birth to death we are completely on our own. No one can reach out to us even if they want to and very few want to. So you take care of you. A sign of self-love is the wish to change to transform oneself. Now you could say I don’t love myself. I hate myself. I’m self-destructive. But that’s also a form of attention. You’re paying attention to yourself. The attention could be negative. The attention could be self-destructive and self-defeating and self harming and
5. 03:04 selfrashing and self-injurious and all this is true. But you are still paying attention to yourself. We’re all invested in ourselves affected. We’re all emotionally invested in us. It’s it’s wrong to say that there is someone who is utterly uninterested in himself or in herself because as I said self-destruction requires a lot of effort, a lot of investment, a lot of thinking and premeditation, a lot of planning. And so the first prerequisite is to be honest with yourself. There’s nothing worse than selfrashing and self-injurious and all this is true. But you are still paying attention to yourself. We’re all invested in ourselves affected. We’re all emotionally invested in us. It’s it’s wrong to say that there is someone who is utterly uninterested in himself or in herself because as I said self-destruction requires a lot of effort, a lot of investment, a lot of thinking and premeditation, a lot of planning. And so the first prerequisite is to be honest with yourself. There’s nothing worse than
6. 03:44 selfdeception. But honesty is not the same as self-hatred, self-loathing, harsh self-criticism. That’s not honesty. That is aggression. Honesty is about having a balanced view of yourself. The pros and the cons, the negative and the positive, the black and the white. In other words, the ability to integrate all facets and dimensions of yourself, not to split yourself, not to consider yourself one day all bad, one day all good, or permanently all bad. Be honest with yourself. Think of yourself as a journalist. Your selfdeception. But honesty is not the same as self-hatred, self-loathing, harsh self-criticism. That’s not honesty. That is aggression. Honesty is about having a balanced view of yourself. The pros and the cons, the negative and the positive, the black and the white. In other words, the ability to integrate all facets and dimensions of yourself, not to split yourself, not to consider yourself one day all bad, one day all good, or permanently all bad. Be honest with yourself. Think of yourself as a journalist. Your
7. 04:28 role is to describe the facts and the events in an even-handed, neutral way. When you inject into yourself in observation, when you inject into your introspection judgment, then it’s a slippery slope that may yield finally to self- negation and selfish. Leave the judgment to others. Do not judge yourself. Appraise yourself, evaluate yourself, gauge yourself. Yes. But do not appropriate the internal voices, the introjects that want to take you down. The introjects that are hostile, your enemies, harsh, critical. role is to describe the facts and the events in an even-handed, neutral way. When you inject into yourself in observation, when you inject into your introspection judgment, then it’s a slippery slope that may yield finally to self- negation and selfish. Leave the judgment to others. Do not judge yourself. Appraise yourself, evaluate yourself, gauge yourself. Yes. But do not appropriate the internal voices, the introjects that want to take you down. The introjects that are hostile, your enemies, harsh, critical.
8. 05:17 These voices are not yours. They have been implanted in you by a succession of people. You need to revert to your authenticity. You need to be honest. Honesty goes hand in hand with assertiveness. But people often confuse assertiveness with aggression. They’re not the same. Assertiveness is a form of entitlement. Absolutely. You’re entitled to respect. You’re entitled to be respected. Aggression is entitlement to have power over other people. They’re not the same. Assertiveness is not aggression. You’re These voices are not yours. They have been implanted in you by a succession of people. You need to revert to your authenticity. You need to be honest. Honesty goes hand in hand with assertiveness. But people often confuse assertiveness with aggression. They’re not the same. Assertiveness is a form of entitlement. Absolutely. You’re entitled to respect. You’re entitled to be respected. Aggression is entitlement to have power over other people. They’re not the same. Assertiveness is not aggression. You’re
9. 06:03 entitled to respect, but you’re not entitled to have power over others. When you attempt to introspect, when you attempt to form a view of yourself that is devoid of isolated from the voices inside you, the introjects that seeks to seek to destroy you. The first thing you need to do is write a story about yourself. By the way, just do it. Take a piece of paper, take a smartphone, and write a story about yourself. This story, this piece of fact and fiction, this narrative is the glue that holds entitled to respect, but you’re not entitled to have power over others. When you attempt to introspect, when you attempt to form a view of yourself that is devoid of isolated from the voices inside you, the introjects that seeks to seek to destroy you. The first thing you need to do is write a story about yourself. By the way, just do it. Take a piece of paper, take a smartphone, and write a story about yourself. This story, this piece of fact and fiction, this narrative is the glue that holds
10. 06:49 you together. You need it. You need it not only because it has an organizing capacity, but because it imbuss your life with meaning and significance, provide you with a sense of direction and purpose. It is the narrative that should order and structure your existence. You need to write a story about yourself. It allows you to see yourself from the outside and then by internalizing the story, it affords you a sense of calm navigation and calibration. Recall yourself. Remember your self. This core inside you together. You need it. You need it not only because it has an organizing capacity, but because it imbuss your life with meaning and significance, provide you with a sense of direction and purpose. It is the narrative that should order and structure your existence. You need to write a story about yourself. It allows you to see yourself from the outside and then by internalizing the story, it affords you a sense of calm navigation and calibration. Recall yourself. Remember your self. This core inside
11. 07:32 you. This identity that gives you a sense of continuity no matter what and no matter who. Never betray or deny yourself. Only you can abuse yourself. So never hand this power over to another person. The only thing you’re entitled to is respect. And the only thing you’re entitled to from yourself is selflove. Remember this. You’re entitled to respect from others and you’re entitled to self-love from yourself. You need to parent yourself not necessarily as an inner child but as a love object. You need to feel lovable at you. This identity that gives you a sense of continuity no matter what and no matter who. Never betray or deny yourself. Only you can abuse yourself. So never hand this power over to another person. The only thing you’re entitled to is respect. And the only thing you’re entitled to from yourself is selflove. Remember this. You’re entitled to respect from others and you’re entitled to self-love from yourself. You need to parent yourself not necessarily as an inner child but as a love object. You need to feel lovable at
12. 08:18 all times because you are never mind how obnoxious you are. There is a person out there who would find you lovable. So recall who you are through the narrative. Recall your self. Regain a sense of continuity. Realize what is your authentic voice and which other voices are not yours. And then never deny your authentic voice. Never betray your authentic voice. Never repress, never suppress, never silence your authentic voice. Be authentic. Be yourself. It would make it far easier for others to love you, to like you, to all times because you are never mind how obnoxious you are. There is a person out there who would find you lovable. So recall who you are through the narrative. Recall your self. Regain a sense of continuity. Realize what is your authentic voice and which other voices are not yours. And then never deny your authentic voice. Never betray your authentic voice. Never repress, never suppress, never silence your authentic voice. Be authentic. Be yourself. It would make it far easier for others to love you, to like you, to
13. 09:06 work with you, to remain in your orbit and ambit and to finally form with you long-term committed relationships. There is always a balance of noises, external noises and internal noises. There is a cacophony of voices from the inside coupled with voices from the outside. You need to balance these voices. You can’t, even if you try very hard, you can’t completely silence your inner voices. They’re going to erupt from time to time. They’re going to reemerge, resurface, and there’s nothing you can work with you, to remain in your orbit and ambit and to finally form with you long-term committed relationships. There is always a balance of noises, external noises and internal noises. There is a cacophony of voices from the inside coupled with voices from the outside. You need to balance these voices. You can’t, even if you try very hard, you can’t completely silence your inner voices. They’re going to erupt from time to time. They’re going to reemerge, resurface, and there’s nothing you can
14. 09:49 do about it. Sometimes you’re triggered. Sometimes you’re traumatized. Sometimes you’re afraid. Sometimes you’re you’re emotionally disregulated. There are moments in life where these voices reassert themselves and regain control. There’s no way to silence them completely. Although you should try very hard to silence all the voices except your authentic one. But still internal voices are a reality in the vast majority of cases. And the external noise tends to amplify and do about it. Sometimes you’re triggered. Sometimes you’re traumatized. Sometimes you’re afraid. Sometimes you’re you’re emotionally disregulated. There are moments in life where these voices reassert themselves and regain control. There’s no way to silence them completely. Although you should try very hard to silence all the voices except your authentic one. But still internal voices are a reality in the vast majority of cases. And the external noise tends to amplify and
15. 10:22 magnify these voices to uphold them and butress them and support them and afford evidence. You need to balance the external voices with the internal voices because once you do this results in existential silence, a calm and tranquility which are anxolytic. They reduce anxiety. But how do you accomplish this balance? Talk less. Listen more. Opine never. Remember these three maxims. Talk less. Listen way more. And do not impose your opinions and judgments and pre prejudices and biases and predelections magnify these voices to uphold them and butress them and support them and afford evidence. You need to balance the external voices with the internal voices because once you do this results in existential silence, a calm and tranquility which are anxolytic. They reduce anxiety. But how do you accomplish this balance? Talk less. Listen more. Opine never. Remember these three maxims. Talk less. Listen way more. And do not impose your opinions and judgments and pre prejudices and biases and predelections
16. 11:12 and proclivities on reality. Doing so drives you further away not only from reality but from yourself. It impairs your reality testing. We have lost the capacity to listen. Narcissistically, megalomaniacally, egotistically and grandioely. We seek to talk. Each one of us is a social media account or 10. And we constantly talk. We never listen. We never listen. We are opinionated. We know best. We are the experts, self-styled often. And so we talk and we talk and we talk. And if we have the right personality, we create and proclivities on reality. Doing so drives you further away not only from reality but from yourself. It impairs your reality testing. We have lost the capacity to listen. Narcissistically, megalomaniacally, egotistically and grandioely. We seek to talk. Each one of us is a social media account or 10. And we constantly talk. We never listen. We never listen. We are opinionated. We know best. We are the experts, self-styled often. And so we talk and we talk and we talk. And if we have the right personality, we create
17. 11:55 around us a mini cult or a mega cult or a MAGA cult. And so you need to step back from this edge of the cliff, from the abyss. Step back. By talking endlessly and ceaselessly, you’re amplifying not only the internal voices, but also the noise outside. It is a noise of your own making admittedly, but it re reverberates within the echo chamber that your life had become and then you’re drowned. There’s noise pollution. The only remedy is to to remain silent to withdraw into the desert of your around us a mini cult or a mega cult or a MAGA cult. And so you need to step back from this edge of the cliff, from the abyss. Step back. By talking endlessly and ceaselessly, you’re amplifying not only the internal voices, but also the noise outside. It is a noise of your own making admittedly, but it re reverberates within the echo chamber that your life had become and then you’re drowned. There’s noise pollution. The only remedy is to to remain silent to withdraw into the desert of your
18. 12:43 life. Desert in a good sense, a clean surface, unpolluted, uninterrupted. And there you can listen more. People have been reporting that when they withdraw to the desert, they hear the voice of God. It’s an internal voice really. It’s the authentic voice. Talk less and listen more. Opine never and you will end up confronting yourself in a good sense. You will end up meeting yourself. You will end up encountering yourself this authentic voice that has been drowned and decimated by all this life. Desert in a good sense, a clean surface, unpolluted, uninterrupted. And there you can listen more. People have been reporting that when they withdraw to the desert, they hear the voice of God. It’s an internal voice really. It’s the authentic voice. Talk less and listen more. Opine never and you will end up confronting yourself in a good sense. You will end up meeting yourself. You will end up encountering yourself this authentic voice that has been drowned and decimated by all this
19. 13:27 noise. By doing so, by talking less and listening more, you’re establishing a boundary. But you need to boundary not only other people, but you need to boundary yourself. I would say that much more importantly, you need to boundary yourself. You can and should of course communicate your boundaries to other people safeguard them and if necessary take measures to prevent a breach of your boundaries and to punish such violations. This is all true but while you’re busy imposing boundaries on others you yourself noise. By doing so, by talking less and listening more, you’re establishing a boundary. But you need to boundary not only other people, but you need to boundary yourself. I would say that much more importantly, you need to boundary yourself. You can and should of course communicate your boundaries to other people safeguard them and if necessary take measures to prevent a breach of your boundaries and to punish such violations. This is all true but while you’re busy imposing boundaries on others you yourself
20. 14:16 you are not boundaried. You fail to impose boundaries on yourself. Freud was aware of that. The interplay between urges and drives and instincts and reality mediated in his theory via the ego. So imposing self boundaries is much more critical than imposing boundaries on others because other people rarely breach or violate boundaries. They are not sufficiently interested in you. You’re not that important. You communicate your wishes and your boundaries and they mostly comply. Maybe they lose interest, maybe they you are not boundaried. You fail to impose boundaries on yourself. Freud was aware of that. The interplay between urges and drives and instincts and reality mediated in his theory via the ego. So imposing self boundaries is much more critical than imposing boundaries on others because other people rarely breach or violate boundaries. They are not sufficiently interested in you. You’re not that important. You communicate your wishes and your boundaries and they mostly comply. Maybe they lose interest, maybe they
21. 15:02 walk away and maybe they adopt themselves. This is the vast majority of cases. Where boundaries fail is in self-imposition. Where boundaries fail is in your your interaction with yourself. Where boundaries fail, it’s when a variety of mental health issues and constructs interact to wiretrip you, to fail you, to defeat you, and in extreme cases to destroy you. Establishing firm boundaries inside oneself, that’s the only protection against self-deeat and self-destruction. You need to embark on this enterprise walk away and maybe they adopt themselves. This is the vast majority of cases. Where boundaries fail is in self-imposition. Where boundaries fail is in your your interaction with yourself. Where boundaries fail, it’s when a variety of mental health issues and constructs interact to wiretrip you, to fail you, to defeat you, and in extreme cases to destroy you. Establishing firm boundaries inside oneself, that’s the only protection against self-deeat and self-destruction. You need to embark on this enterprise
22. 15:48 next year if you haven’t already done so. You need to define yourself. What are the red lines which you would never cross? Which actions, decisions, and choices you would never adopt because of their adverse consequences. Which types of self-destructiveness and self-deeat and self-loathing and self-hatred and self-rejection you would never engage in? and how to foster the alternative. Colloquially known as self-love, self-acceptance, healthy self-enhancement, a realistic view of oneself, shortcomings and next year if you haven’t already done so. You need to define yourself. What are the red lines which you would never cross? Which actions, decisions, and choices you would never adopt because of their adverse consequences. Which types of self-destructiveness and self-deeat and self-loathing and self-hatred and self-rejection you would never engage in? and how to foster the alternative. Colloquially known as self-love, self-acceptance, healthy self-enhancement, a realistic view of oneself, shortcomings and
23. 16:21 limitations on the one hand, strengths on the other, a SWAT analysis. And boundaries emerge naturally from knowledge. self-nowledge and knowledge of the environment of reality of other people. Knowledge is about boundaries. If you delve into the construct of knowledge, what is information? Information tells you what is true and what is false. And isn’t that a boundary? It’s exactly that. The self, what used to be called the ego, core identity, they are a form of boundary. And so you need to dedicate a lot of limitations on the one hand, strengths on the other, a SWAT analysis. And boundaries emerge naturally from knowledge. self-nowledge and knowledge of the environment of reality of other people. Knowledge is about boundaries. If you delve into the construct of knowledge, what is information? Information tells you what is true and what is false. And isn’t that a boundary? It’s exactly that. The self, what used to be called the ego, core identity, they are a form of boundary. And so you need to dedicate a lot of
24. 17:08 thought and effort to this. One way of establishing boundaries, self boundaries, is by seeing yourself through other people’s eyes. You can learn a lot about yourself by observing the way people interact with you. Some of them verbalize uh many others don’t. You need to be attuned to body language, facial expressions, micro expressions. You need to be alert. You need to be on your toes when you interact with other people. Not because of some kind of paranoid ideation or suspiciousness or hypervigilance, but thought and effort to this. One way of establishing boundaries, self boundaries, is by seeing yourself through other people’s eyes. You can learn a lot about yourself by observing the way people interact with you. Some of them verbalize uh many others don’t. You need to be attuned to body language, facial expressions, micro expressions. You need to be alert. You need to be on your toes when you interact with other people. Not because of some kind of paranoid ideation or suspiciousness or hypervigilance, but
25. 17:44 because there’s a lot to learn from them. It’s a form of crowdsourcing. See yourself through other people’s eyes, but never allow them to define you. Never be defined through other people’s gaze. That is dependence. That is narcissism. There is no wisdom in the crowd that you don’t already have access to. But the crowd is a dumb mirror. So you need to look into this mirror to learn a lot more about yourself. This is an act of wisdom and generally in your life you need to pursue wisdom. because there’s a lot to learn from them. It’s a form of crowdsourcing. See yourself through other people’s eyes, but never allow them to define you. Never be defined through other people’s gaze. That is dependence. That is narcissism. There is no wisdom in the crowd that you don’t already have access to. But the crowd is a dumb mirror. So you need to look into this mirror to learn a lot more about yourself. This is an act of wisdom and generally in your life you need to pursue wisdom.
26. 18:32 You need to be wise not right. If you’re emotionally invested in being right, you are antagonistic. You’re conflictprone and you’re likely to end badly. So don’t seek to be right. Attempt to be wise. Don’t get consumed by abstract concepts such as closure or justice. Don’t ruminate. Don’t get obsessed. Don’t become compulsive. Wisdom is about flexibility. Wisdom is about adaptability. And yes, wisdom is about learning from your mistakes, about being wrong, about losses. You need to be wise not right. If you’re emotionally invested in being right, you are antagonistic. You’re conflictprone and you’re likely to end badly. So don’t seek to be right. Attempt to be wise. Don’t get consumed by abstract concepts such as closure or justice. Don’t ruminate. Don’t get obsessed. Don’t become compulsive. Wisdom is about flexibility. Wisdom is about adaptability. And yes, wisdom is about learning from your mistakes, about being wrong, about losses.
27. 19:20 Wisdom emerges from friction with reality. If you bend reality to your needs and wishes and dreams and fantasies, you will learn nothing ever. There will be there will be no process of learning. You will be trapped in a silo, an echo chamber, a a stray jacket. You need to let go. You need to lose control. You need to exit your comfort zone. You need to fail. You need to be shamed and humiliated from time to time. That is wisdom. The wise men or woman render themselves vulnerable. And so wisdom is a form of love. Wisdom emerges from friction with reality. If you bend reality to your needs and wishes and dreams and fantasies, you will learn nothing ever. There will be there will be no process of learning. You will be trapped in a silo, an echo chamber, a a stray jacket. You need to let go. You need to lose control. You need to exit your comfort zone. You need to fail. You need to be shamed and humiliated from time to time. That is wisdom. The wise men or woman render themselves vulnerable. And so wisdom is a form of love.
28. 20:05 Love for whom? Love for yourself. When you’re wise rather than right, many opportunities and vistas open up because wisdom is about reality. It’s reality grounded. Wisdom emanates and emerges from a correct appraisal and gauging of your environment and people in it. And sometimes as a result of this evaluation, you may reach a conclusion that being alone is preferable to being with others. Choose solitude or choose companionship but not as states of being as states of mind. If you choose solitude for a while, Love for whom? Love for yourself. When you’re wise rather than right, many opportunities and vistas open up because wisdom is about reality. It’s reality grounded. Wisdom emanates and emerges from a correct appraisal and gauging of your environment and people in it. And sometimes as a result of this evaluation, you may reach a conclusion that being alone is preferable to being with others. Choose solitude or choose companionship but not as states of being as states of mind. If you choose solitude for a while,
29. 21:00 make it your state of mind, not your state of being. If you choose companionship, make it your state of mind, not your state of being. What is the difference? Your state of mind is about you. It comes from the inside. It infuses you and imbuss you internally. Your state of being is relational. It depends on other people. And other people are fickle. They’re unpredictable. They inject uncertainty and indeterminacy into your life. Some of them are hostile and malicious. Never construct your life to depend on make it your state of mind, not your state of being. If you choose companionship, make it your state of mind, not your state of being. What is the difference? Your state of mind is about you. It comes from the inside. It infuses you and imbuss you internally. Your state of being is relational. It depends on other people. And other people are fickle. They’re unpredictable. They inject uncertainty and indeterminacy into your life. Some of them are hostile and malicious. Never construct your life to depend on
30. 21:40 other people. And if companionship in your case is such dependence, you’re in bad shape and you need to let it go. And if solitude in this case is a reaction formation, is a kind of rejection of other people, then your solitude is not real because it depends on the existence of other people to be rejected. You need to choose solitude regardless of other people. You need to choose companionship regardless of other people as internal states, not externally determined or controlled. Solitude and companionship other people. And if companionship in your case is such dependence, you’re in bad shape and you need to let it go. And if solitude in this case is a reaction formation, is a kind of rejection of other people, then your solitude is not real because it depends on the existence of other people to be rejected. You need to choose solitude regardless of other people. You need to choose companionship regardless of other people as internal states, not externally determined or controlled. Solitude and companionship
31. 22:26 are always new. They’re new states. Even if you’ve experienced solitude solitude 100 times before, you have never been the same. You’re changing all the time. You’re in flux. You are a river, not a lake, not a pond. So as you change, every experience of solitude is different. Companionship is the same. It’s a new state, new condition, new environment, new people. Even if you’re with the same person, that person changes. And if you’re not, then definitely each experience of are always new. They’re new states. Even if you’ve experienced solitude solitude 100 times before, you have never been the same. You’re changing all the time. You’re in flux. You are a river, not a lake, not a pond. So as you change, every experience of solitude is different. Companionship is the same. It’s a new state, new condition, new environment, new people. Even if you’re with the same person, that person changes. And if you’re not, then definitely each experience of
32. 23:00 companionship is different. In other words, both solitude and companionship are dynamic and they demand of you to experience the new. Experiencing the new for its own sake is hedonistic and wrong. It leads nowhere. Never confuse excitement and arousal with happiness and contentment. They’re not the same. They’re sometimes very often actually mutually exclusive. So when you experience the new for the sake of novelty, maybe for the sake of risk-taking and thrillseeking, you will never ever be gratified. It’s a companionship is different. In other words, both solitude and companionship are dynamic and they demand of you to experience the new. Experiencing the new for its own sake is hedonistic and wrong. It leads nowhere. Never confuse excitement and arousal with happiness and contentment. They’re not the same. They’re sometimes very often actually mutually exclusive. So when you experience the new for the sake of novelty, maybe for the sake of risk-taking and thrillseeking, you will never ever be gratified. It’s a
33. 23:41 black hole. It’s a bottomless pit. But you need to experience the new as a form of continuity, as a natural extension and derivative and outcome of the old. It is the old that should lead to the new. Similarly, you need to reexperience the old through your new dimensions, through the new existence. New and old should combine in synergy. They should feed each other in a good way. They should nourish, nourish each other. They should integrate. Do not split time itself. This is the past. This is the future. This is the present. black hole. It’s a bottomless pit. But you need to experience the new as a form of continuity, as a natural extension and derivative and outcome of the old. It is the old that should lead to the new. Similarly, you need to reexperience the old through your new dimensions, through the new existence. New and old should combine in synergy. They should feed each other in a good way. They should nourish, nourish each other. They should integrate. Do not split time itself. This is the past. This is the future. This is the present.
34. 24:30 Don’t do these. These are artificial distinctions. Your your old existence, your old experiences, your old mental states, old people who have existed in your in previous periods in your life, old possessions, old memories. They all should segue into your new being, into your new state, into your new environment, and into the new people in your life. Only when you have accomplished integration of old and new, will you be a whole person capable of intimacy, love, and happiness. Often by rejecting the old and embracing Don’t do these. These are artificial distinctions. Your your old existence, your old experiences, your old mental states, old people who have existed in your in previous periods in your life, old possessions, old memories. They all should segue into your new being, into your new state, into your new environment, and into the new people in your life. Only when you have accomplished integration of old and new, will you be a whole person capable of intimacy, love, and happiness. Often by rejecting the old and embracing
35. 25:16 the new as a principle of life, as a an ideology, we impoverish ourselves. We reners render ourselves incapable of self-love and the happiness and contentment that come with it. So by all means exit your comfort zone, take risks and embrace your losses. Your losses are the engines of personal growth and development. You should welcome losses. You should welcome pain and hurt. There are no greater teachers out there. And yet, even if you even as you are experimenting, always link it somehow to to the old, to the new as a principle of life, as a an ideology, we impoverish ourselves. We reners render ourselves incapable of self-love and the happiness and contentment that come with it. So by all means exit your comfort zone, take risks and embrace your losses. Your losses are the engines of personal growth and development. You should welcome losses. You should welcome pain and hurt. There are no greater teachers out there. And yet, even if you even as you are experimenting, always link it somehow to to the old, to
36. 26:03 the previous, to the ancient, previous experiences, previous memories. previous people in your life. Previous. Link the new to the old. Even when it appears as if you’re making a clean break, as if the transformation is so enormous that your identity is changing. Even as you exit your comfort zone and risk failure, even if as you assume risks, even as you as new people in in your life are the exact opposite and another amount of previous relationships, even then never lose sight of your continuity. Always the previous, to the ancient, previous experiences, previous memories. previous people in your life. Previous. Link the new to the old. Even when it appears as if you’re making a clean break, as if the transformation is so enormous that your identity is changing. Even as you exit your comfort zone and risk failure, even if as you assume risks, even as you as new people in in your life are the exact opposite and another amount of previous relationships, even then never lose sight of your continuity. Always
37. 26:46 organize everything via this construct, the self. Explain everything to yourself. Give meaning to what is happening. Make sense of your reality by linking the previous you with the current you. As you do all these things, remember to verify first and trust second. That is not a paranoid piece of advice. That is not hypervigilance. That is not suspiciousness. That is simply a good rule of thumb. Verify then trust. Do not trust then verify. When you embrace the new, including new people, don’t trust yourself initially. Don’t organize everything via this construct, the self. Explain everything to yourself. Give meaning to what is happening. Make sense of your reality by linking the previous you with the current you. As you do all these things, remember to verify first and trust second. That is not a paranoid piece of advice. That is not hypervigilance. That is not suspiciousness. That is simply a good rule of thumb. Verify then trust. Do not trust then verify. When you embrace the new, including new people, don’t trust yourself initially. Don’t
38. 27:43 trust other people initially. Don’t trust the new environment initially. Don’t trust your new experiences and your and your new memories initially. Do not trust the new initially. It is by linking the new to the old, by establishing continuity, by imposing standards and criteria from the past on your new experiences that you are able to verify the new as an integral part of you as authentic as real as reflective of who you are. So use the old to verify the new and only then give your trust. trust other people initially. Don’t trust the new environment initially. Don’t trust your new experiences and your and your new memories initially. Do not trust the new initially. It is by linking the new to the old, by establishing continuity, by imposing standards and criteria from the past on your new experiences that you are able to verify the new as an integral part of you as authentic as real as reflective of who you are. So use the old to verify the new and only then give your trust.
39. 28:29 One rule that I found difficult especially in my case but useful surround yourself with your superiors. Make sure your environment includes a number of people you could look up to and learn from. Your inferiors will be envious of you. They will try to drag you down to their level. Your superiors will become your mentors. They will en enrich your life. they will let you evolve and develop and grow because they wouldn’t feel threatened. And if you have sufficient humility to recognize the disparity between you and One rule that I found difficult especially in my case but useful surround yourself with your superiors. Make sure your environment includes a number of people you could look up to and learn from. Your inferiors will be envious of you. They will try to drag you down to their level. Your superiors will become your mentors. They will en enrich your life. they will let you evolve and develop and grow because they wouldn’t feel threatened. And if you have sufficient humility to recognize the disparity between you and
40. 29:18 your superiors, superiors in every way, intellectually otherwise, then you are open to learning. Open-mindedness is crucial and learning is the only guarantee for survival. You’re also likely to be seen by your superiors in ways which are benign and beneficial to you. Whereas your inferiors are likely to notice you and observe you and pay attention to you and monitor you with ill intent. very likely it is your very presence that grates upon your inferiors and motivates your superiors to help you. your superiors, superiors in every way, intellectually otherwise, then you are open to learning. Open-mindedness is crucial and learning is the only guarantee for survival. You’re also likely to be seen by your superiors in ways which are benign and beneficial to you. Whereas your inferiors are likely to notice you and observe you and pay attention to you and monitor you with ill intent. very likely it is your very presence that grates upon your inferiors and motivates your superiors to help you.
41. 30:06 So surround yourself with your superiors, but that applies to people and it applies less to other circumstances in life because you see don’t aim for the best. Don’t seek to attain or accomplish the best. Don’t be a perfectionist. The best is the enemy of the good. Aim for the good enough, not for the best. Winnot said about motherhood that mothers should be good enough, not perfect. Perfection paralyzes. Don’t let yourself be subjugated by perfection. Don’t enslave yourself to So surround yourself with your superiors, but that applies to people and it applies less to other circumstances in life because you see don’t aim for the best. Don’t seek to attain or accomplish the best. Don’t be a perfectionist. The best is the enemy of the good. Aim for the good enough, not for the best. Winnot said about motherhood that mothers should be good enough, not perfect. Perfection paralyzes. Don’t let yourself be subjugated by perfection. Don’t enslave yourself to
42. 30:57 perfection. Don’t seek to accomplish the impossible. Don’t set up standards which set you up for failure. Seek the good enough. Compromise with reality. Make things happen. Trigger dynamics. Accomplish things. The only way to do this is to be imperfect and to accept your imperfection as an engine. Live every day as if it is your first and live every day as if it is your last. your first day. Cur wideeyed curiosity, the wonder of reality, the amazement at other people, their richness, their perfection. Don’t seek to accomplish the impossible. Don’t set up standards which set you up for failure. Seek the good enough. Compromise with reality. Make things happen. Trigger dynamics. Accomplish things. The only way to do this is to be imperfect and to accept your imperfection as an engine. Live every day as if it is your first and live every day as if it is your last. your first day. Cur wideeyed curiosity, the wonder of reality, the amazement at other people, their richness, their
43. 31:46 depth, the profoundity of the human mind. Live every day as if it is your first. Encounter the world as a child would with awe and the will or the wish to explore and discover. and at the same time live every day as if it were your last. Make sure your priorities are straight. Engage only with the important things. Abandon, ignore trivialities and petty concerns and conflicts and let the path choose you. Let the journey define who you are. Let the day seize you. Do not seize the day, but let the day seize you. The depth, the profoundity of the human mind. Live every day as if it is your first. Encounter the world as a child would with awe and the will or the wish to explore and discover. and at the same time live every day as if it were your last. Make sure your priorities are straight. Engage only with the important things. Abandon, ignore trivialities and petty concerns and conflicts and let the path choose you. Let the journey define who you are. Let the day seize you. Do not seize the day, but let the day seize you. The
44. 32:40 environment is vastly stronger than you are. All the information you need is out there already incorporated into the fabric of reality. Let go. Abandon yourself. Surrender yourself. Don’t become submissive, but become open, widely open. Let go of your defenses for a while. Experience reality directly. And remember, fantasy is the abdication from reality. It is giving up on reality. It reduces efficacy. Daydreaming is not fantasy. It is the precursor of planning and attainment. So dream, do not fantasize. environment is vastly stronger than you are. All the information you need is out there already incorporated into the fabric of reality. Let go. Abandon yourself. Surrender yourself. Don’t become submissive, but become open, widely open. Let go of your defenses for a while. Experience reality directly. And remember, fantasy is the abdication from reality. It is giving up on reality. It reduces efficacy. Daydreaming is not fantasy. It is the precursor of planning and attainment. So dream, do not fantasize.
45. 33:31 Other people’s dreams often end up being your fantasy. And so avoid these fantasies. Dream your own dreams. Do not adopt other people’s dreams. Do not play into their shared fantasies. Dreaming is a great way of relating to reality, molding it, shaping it to fit you, shaping yourself to fit the world. Life is a dreamscape in many ways, but it is not a fantasy. And so you put all these things together and you would be able to reboot your life this coming year. Not to become a different person but finally to become Other people’s dreams often end up being your fantasy. And so avoid these fantasies. Dream your own dreams. Do not adopt other people’s dreams. Do not play into their shared fantasies. Dreaming is a great way of relating to reality, molding it, shaping it to fit you, shaping yourself to fit the world. Life is a dreamscape in many ways, but it is not a fantasy. And so you put all these things together and you would be able to reboot your life this coming year. Not to become a different person but finally to become
46. 34:21 yourself. yourself.