Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. How Narcissist’s Rage Leads to Psychopathic, Borderline Self-states (Clip Narcissism Summaries)

1. 00:01 When the narcissist is faced with stress and anxiety and frustration, the narcissist transitions sometimes depending on the extent the narcissist transition sometimes into a borderline state. His defenses shut down and he emotionally disregulates. If the
2. 00:16 condition, if the environment, the frustrating environment persists, the narcissist transitions to a primary psychopathic state. He becomes a psychopath. The borderline transitions to a secondary psychopathic state. So both the borderline and the narcissist,
3. 00:31 they have a low frustration threshold, low tolerance for frustration and this leads the narcissist to desperate attempts to eliminate the source of frustration. In the case of the narcissist, frustration does breed aggression. But in healthy people, the aggression is
4. 00:53 intended to signal displeasure, discomfort, and modify the other party’s behavior. When you’re frustrated, and if you’re mentally healthy, relatively speaking, your aggression would be intended to change the behavior of the person who is frustrating you or to
5. 01:12 modify the environment in a way which would reduce frustration. It’s not the case with the narcissist. The narcissist aggression is externalized. It’s reckless. It often culminates in verbal or physical violence. And this is the process known as coercive
6. 01:31 snapshocking. The narcissist aggression is intended to try to force you to conform to his expectations of you to try to force you to coalesce with to merge with with the internal object in his mind that represents you. He wants you, the narcissist wants you to stop
7. 01:53 existing outside his mind and to fuse sympotically with the object in his mind that represents you. And this way, of course, to eliminate the frustration. And if you refuse, if you refuse to shut up, if you refuse to succumb, if you refuse to be submissive, if you refuse
8. 02:14 to be obedient, if you insist on your independence and personal autonomy and agency and self-efficacy, if you walk away, if you in any of these cases, the narcissist would try to act in a way that would either eradicate you, obliterate you, eliminate you,
9. 02:33 annihilate you, or coerc you into behaving the way he wants to and this could culminate and escalate into physical violence. Definitely narcissists perceive perceive frustration as emanating from the inside. You remember that um narcissists are incapable of
10. 02:58 um perceiving external objects. They’re they’re incapable of conceptualizing the separateness and the externality of objects. So as far as the narcissist is concerned, you don’t exist out there. There’s no external object that is you. There’s
11. 03:18 only the internal object inside his mind that represents you. And he goes on interacting only with the internal object. So if you frustrate the narcissist, he doesn’t perceive it as coming from the outside. He he mispersceives it as coming from the inside. And his aggression is
12. 03:41 actually an attempt to reduce dissonance and anxiety by somehow modifying you so that you again become a compliant internal object. It’s an internal inside job. It’s not nothing to do with the outside. Walking away won’t do the trick because narcissists
13. 04:05 interact exclusively with internal objects. They dehumanize you and then they objectify you. You become a figment. You become an avatar and intraject in the narcissist’s mind. So the narcissist can’t just up and walk away. Say you’re frustrating me. I’m
14. 04:23 going to out of here. I don’t want to be exposed to your frustration, so I’m out of here. He can’t do that because he carries you in his mind and you keep frustrating him from the inside unless and until he gets rid of you psychologically, via in training or
15. 04:44 brainwashing, physically, through violence, or by coercing you to behave in a way which does not challenge, undermine and contradict the internal object. Unless he accomplishes one of these three solutions, it the frustration, the nagging frustration is going to persist because
16. 05:03 it emanates comes from the internal object in his mind that represents you. Your avatar is attacking him from the inside like some kind of Trojan horse or fifth column. Now I mentioned that the narcissist transitions to a borderline surf state under conditions of extreme duress,
17. 05:27 stress and tension and anxiety. The borderline self state is impulsive and destructive. That is the famous narcissistic rage attacks. The tempered tentrance they are actually a borderline self state not a narcissistic self state. So more appropriately it wouldn’t
18. 05:45 be called narcissistic rage but borderline rage or disregulated rageh coffee in the morning. The psychopathic cold state which in the narcissist is a primary psychopathic self state. The classic psychopath is cold premeditated, ruthless, callous, relentless, inhumanly
19. 06:09 disempathic. No empathy there. both the borderline state and the psychopath the primary psychopath state a fantasy oriented because narcissism is a fantasy defense gun haywire gun orai. So everything is infused with fantasy. Even these self states are fantastic and they
20. 06:31 involve impaired reality testing. But the psychopathic selfate in the narcissist is truly terrifying. Think Chris Watts. It’s a truly terrifying state. It’s preceded by a covert state. So when the narcissist transitions under stress, under anxiety as a result of
21. 06:55 frustration, mortification, extreme narcissistic injury, when he transitions to a borderline state and then from a borderline state to a psychopathic state, he goes through a covert phase. There’s a covert phase like a bridge between the borderline and the
22. 07:11 psychopathic state. And during the covert phase, he appears to be completely normal. He suddenly becomes totally normal. He doesn’t rage. He’s not angry. He is he seeks consensus. He compromises. He’s caring. He may even be loving. He is he is perfect. He’s a
23. 07:36 perfect ideal partner. He’s a bit ponderous, a bit brooding, a bit spiteful, somewhat passive aggressive. There’s there are hints of sarcasm and bitterness. He’s determined, but he is evasive. He denies that there’s any problem. He’s overly polite,
24. 07:59 pseudo civility. He’s pseudo civil. He’s affected. He is ostentatiously obedient as I said or caring and so on. And throughout this throughout this act of normaly the mask of sanity the narcissist keeps imagining the final act of your destruction. He goes into detailed planning
25. 08:28 obtaining all the necessary tools. And I’m not talking necessarily about physical violence. It could be for example undermining or destroying your career. It’s a kind of revenge fantasy that doesn’t necessarily involve your physical disappearance, but definitely
26. 08:44 involves inflicting enormous damage on you, ruining you. It could be, for example, traumatizing you in a way that you will never recover from. And this is done sometimes very covertly, sometimes very overtly, and it’s very open to misinterpretation.
27. 09:03 The victim often feels that she has had the upper hand or he has had the upper hand. But that’s a mistake. The trauma is there eating away at the inards of the victim like some kind of parasite. So all these revenge fantasies require a covert phase where the narcissist hides
28. 09:23 and disguises his intentions, his detailed planning, his premeditation, his white hot rage, his extreme hatred, his conversion of your idealized object into a secondary object. You become an enemy. and his determination to destroy you to destroy you for good.
29. 09:50 The borderline state is either sudden eruptive borderline state. There’s a there’s calm u there’s no calm before the stop order suddenly transitions into um a temper tantrum begins to break objects this kind of thing. So this is the eruptive borderline self state. And
30. 10:13 narcissists are famous for it. These are the this is the famous narcissistic rage or temper tantrums. But there’s another option, another possibility. There’s a borderline um self state which is not erupted. There’s no calm before the storm. There’s just a transition to
31. 10:32 the storm. But there’s another self- state, another variant of borderline self- state where there is gradual escalation in the in this particular variant of the borderline self state of the narcissist. The narcissist uh wants to provoke a fight.
32. 10:52 He attempts to prick you, to needle you, to provoke you to and this is projective identification. He is spoiling for a fight. He’s looking to create a situation or an environment which would accommodate his other plastic defenses where he could blame
33. 11:11 you for for starting everything. So this is more of a covert strategy and very typical of covert narcissist. To summarize, when the narcissist is either dress or stress or anxiety or tension, humiliation, injury, motification, narcissist transitions to a borderline
34. 11:30 self state. In the borderline self state, it could become eruptive after a period of calm that is like the calm before the storm. Or he could become escal escalatory. It could escalate. He could create the preconditions for a fight where he would be where his
35. 11:51 misconduct would be legitimized by your reactive so-called abuse. And then the most narcissist, not all, transition to the psychopathic self state. And this is where the danger lies. In the psychopathic self state, it looks as if the conflict is over. as if
36. 12:12 as if everything is back to normal. As if you have nothing to worry about. As if things have been resolved. A cons consensus has been restored. Peace, truth, and ceasefire have been declared. But all this time, all this time, the narcissist is planning his
37. 12:32 revenge, his payback, and your destruction. is a great actor and he can deceive you into um a kind of complacency. This is what happened with Hamas and Israel by the way. Okay. Now the last is aloplastic defenses. Aloplastic defenses to remind you is
38. 12:55 when you blame other people for your own behavior, the consequences of your behavior. You don’t accept them. You reject them. You say they made me do it. I acted this way because I had because I had no choice. They discriminated against me. They abused me. They
39. 13:09 attacked me. I’m the victim. That’s aloplastic defense. The narcissist aloplastic defenses justify the narcissist’s aggression and even violence. There is an external locus of control. The narcissist attributes his motivations mis misattributes his
40. 13:25 motivations to to the others to other people. They he outsources his motivation. He says, “You made me do it.” Which is like saying, “You controlled me.” It’s an external locus of control. And this aggravates the antisocial behaviors because a
41. 13:44 narcissist begins to perceive this whole thing as an issue of survival. The question of survival. If he doesn’t prevail, he’s going to be eradicated. He’s going to die. So, he must win. Winning becomes the be all and end all. And then if he fails to win, he sinks
42. 14:05 into into an extreme depressive or dysphoric mood often accompanied by substance abuse and withdrawal or avoidance from reality. Um routines, daily routines or professional routines are impeded and disrupted and so on so forth. Narosis basically falls apart,
43. 14:27 disintegrates and transitions gradually into a presychotic um stage. I’ve discussed this in in other videos. Now, narcissists often use verbal and psychological abuse and violence against those closest to them. Intimacy breeds abuse and aggression in the
44. 14:48 narcissist because it’s very threatening.