Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. How Narcissists Betray You to Protect Their False Self (Narcissism Summaries YouTube Channel)

1. 00:00 And I’m inviting you today to go with me, to wander with me the corridors of the narcissist mind as he inhabits or possesses the shared fantasy as he haunts the shared fantasy because the narcissist mind is a haunted house. What are the stages of the shared
2. 00:21 fantasy? Stage number one, co- idealization. By lovebombing you, by idealizing you, by telling you that you’re perfect, that you’re brilliant, that you’re drop dead gorgeous, that you’re super intelligence intelligent, that he has never had such an experience before you.
3. 00:44 This process of idealizing you, render, render you, rendering you a perfect being has multiple reasons, multiple motivations. The first one is to get you addicted to your own idealized image via the narcissist gaze. This is called the whole of mirrors
4. 01:04 effect. A narcissist invites you to a hole of mirrors when you see yourself multiplied in an idealized form. And that’s very addictive. You can’t let this go. But this is only one reason for idealizing you. The second reason to idealize you is what I call co- idealization.
5. 01:25 By idealizing you, the narcissist is actually idealizing himself. By photoshopping your introject, the snapshot that the narcissist has taken of you, the narcissist actually claims to own you because you’re an internal object. Remember, when the narcissist
6. 01:46 first sees you as a potential intimate partner, he takes a snapshot of you, exactly like a photograph, and then he photoshops it. He idealizes it. And this snapshot is called the introject. The narcissist then internalizes the intraject. It’s in his mind and he owns it.
7. 02:08 It becomes an extension of him. He merges with it. He fuses with it. The introject becomes an integral part of the narcissist’s brain. And so the narcissist, the narcissist owns a totally good object, a totally perfect object, your snapshot, your avatar. Now
8. 02:28 your avatar or snapshot have nothing to do with you and increasingly less and less to do with you actually. But in the narcissist mind the only reality is your snapshot. The only real thing is your avatar with which he interacts never with you always with your in
9. 02:47 representation in his mind. The narcissist has a dialogue with the object in his mind the internal object that stands in for you. You’re you’re no longer relevant how you appear in the narcissist’s mind. Your apparition is relevant. And because this
10. 03:06 apparition, this representation, this icon, this avatar is all good and perfect and brilliant and amazing and the narcissist owns it. It makes him equally good and brilliant and perfect and amazing. By owning it, the narcissist imbuss himself with the attributes of
11. 03:28 the object. You know, in ancient pagan primitive societies, they used to eat prisoners of war because they believed that by eating prisoners of war, they will have digested their courage. they will have acquired the traits, the good positive traits and qualities of
12. 03:51 the enemy. It’s the same with the narcissist. He consumes you. He digests you. He attributes you to you perfection and brilliance and beauty which are beyond human. And by digesting you, he acquires these properties himself. And this is the first phase in the shared
13. 04:12 fantasy core idealization. The second phase is dual mothership. In the dual mothership phase, the narcissist gradually converts you into a maternal figure. A mother standin for his original mother. His original mother might be dead, might be alive. It’s
14. 04:34 besides the point. It’s irrelevant. It’s not about the real flesh and blood mother. It’s about his mother, his birth mother as she appears in his mind. In other words, the introject of his mother in his mind. What he’s trying to do, he’s trying to coni convert you into a
15. 04:54 competing introject, a competing of substitutive maternal introject to displace his original mother. He forces you to become his mother. He tests you with narcissistic abuse. Are you going to love him and accept him, never mind what he does to you? Are you going to
16. 05:14 offer him unconditional love? Are you going to idealize him the way mothers idealize their children? It’s a recreation of childhood with you in the mother role. At the same time, the narcissist offers you mothership. He becomes your mother. He becomes your parental figure. He
17. 05:37 offers you unconditional love. He idealizes you. He is there for you. He’s all over you. Actually, this is very addictive. It’s very difficult to let go of this because it’s a second chance at having a proper childhood with a good enough mother. It’s the first time you can love
18. 05:57 yourself through the narcissist maternal gaze. And before you ask anything, yes, it’s only mothers. Fathers are not relevant at this stage of development. Fathers are very relevant much later in the processes of socialization and enculturation or acculturation
19. 06:17 when children acquire societal mores and edicts, scripts, how to behave in society, sexual scripts, um cultural uh tropes. This comes from the father but the mother determines whether you become an individual at all. And so we are talking only about mothers. Even with
20. 06:40 women it’s only about mothers. So the narcissist offers you a second chance to love yourself through a maternal gaze. And this is the dual mothership concept. You mother the narcissist and the narcissist mothers you. And so, but why would the narcissist
21. 07:00 want you to be his mother? His original experience with his mother has been has been object and obnoxious and horrible. Why would he like to go through it again? Because he never got a chance to separate from his original mother. His original mother was what Andre Green
22. 07:20 called a dead mother. Dead not in the physical sense, dead in the emotional sense. an absent, selfish, narcissistic, demanding, smothering, abusive, instrumentalizing, parentifying mother, a bad mother, a not good enough mother in the language of
23. 07:39 Donald Winnott. So, this kind of mother doesn’t allow the child to separate from her. She annexes the child. She treats the child as an as an as an integral part of her. She merges and fuses with a child and leverages a