Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Sadistic Envy: Pleasure of Destroying Your Betters (Narcissism Summaries Clip)

1. 00:00 Envy is a major major thing with covert narcissists. Started this video by asking, is malicious envy a form of sadism? Is the wish to destroy your betters a form of sadism? Does it involve an evil intent to, for example, inflict pain? Busk baskque in the in the agony of
2. 00:22 others. gratify yourself with their writhing, torturing them to the point of feeling omnipotent. This is all true in the makeup of the covert narcissist. Now, to remind you, covert narcissism has several elements. Envy is a major major thing with covert narcissists.
3. 00:44 They display pseudo humility, false modesty. I can understand you. They also have victimhood, a victimhood stance. They’re always the victims. They never do wrong. They they can never do wrong. They always somehow they always somehow fall prey to unscrupulous people
4. 01:09 or abusive intimate partners or institutions which are out to get them. And in this sense, covert narcissism is a close kin, a first cousin of paranoia.
5. 01:23 Most covert narcissists entertain paranoid ideiation on a regular basis. The victimhood stance, the victimhood position, being a perpetual and professional victim. This excludes any other explanation to reality except some conspiracy against you. your
6. 01:44 if you spend your entire life believing that you’re a victim, then people are out to get you. You there’s malign in attention and intention focused on you. Of course, it’s narcissistically gratifying. It’s a form of displaced grandiosity. If you can’t obtain supply,
7. 02:01 narcissistic supply directly and covert narcissists are covert because they can’t obtain supply directly. They fail. They are they are kind of collapsed narcissists. Then you can obtain supply by believing yourself to be the victim of your betters, the victim of uh
8. 02:22 institutions, public intellectuals, god knows what. So pseudo humility, a victimhood stance. But underneath all this, there is sadistic malicious envy. It’s the number one characteristic of the covert narcissist in my view. It drives the passive aggressive urges of the covert
9. 02:46 narcissist as we shall see a bit later. Um, today it’s established and accepted even to some extent although oblquely in the fifth edition of the diagnostic and statistical manual. It’s established that there are two types of narcissism. Uh, one is grandiose and one is
10. 03:05 vulnerable. The most recent survey of this is Weiss and Miller 2018. Grandio narcissism is there arrogance, self-promotion, immodesty, hortiness, you know. Um, and vulnerable narcissism involves self-centeredness, hyper sensitivity, introversion, and so
11. 03:25 on. And I refer you to work by Miller in 2017. So how do we associate a single dimension satism with these two types which are diametrically opposed? Actually overt grandio narcissism and covert narcissism are so different to each other that there is a serious debate in the
12. 03:46 profession whether one of these two is actually a form of psychopathy and the only real form of narcissism is covert narcissism which is compensatory. I have a video dedicated to this to this debate. But how can we associate sadism with both the overt and the covert
13. 04:02 versions if they are almost mutually exclusive? Because both of them involve pleasure. In both types of narcissism, there is pleasure that the narcissist feels in response to other people’s perceived pain and a willingness willingness to exert dominance on other people. That is
14. 04:26 work by Omira in 2011. This is what’s common to both types of narcissism. Beyond the seeking of pleasure, the central feature underlying sadistic behaviors, is the willingness to exert power. Dominance and narcissism, overt and covert, is about controlling people,
15. 04:49 manipulating people, dominating people. tendency, the proness, the propensity to exploit and manipulate other people is a central feature of grandio narcissism and it’s measured by the pathological narcissism inventory work by Pinkas and others in 2009.
16. 05:08 It’s so we know this about grandio narcissism and but it’s equally common and even I would say more so in covert narcissism because covert narcissists are not self-efficacious. They cannot obtain supply or extract supply from the environment by themselves. So they need
17. 05:27 to control other people to do it for them. and they need to control the environment to avoid narcissistic injuries and motifications which could be lethal literally lead to suicide in the case of covert narcissism. Covert narcissists get emotionally disregulated
18. 05:44 much faster than overt or grandio narcissism because they don’t have the added layers of defense of narcissistic supply and self-efficacy. And so from this perspective, the tendency to be dominant and to to engage in power plays to try to exert power over other people is a shared
19. 06:05 component between narcissism and sadism and also explains the association between these two because sadism is a way to gain control and is a way to exert power through pain. Stalin said that you can motivate people with love or with fear. Well, if you
20. 06:22 have narcissism, you have both. You can charm people into loving you, especially if you’re a covert narcissist who masquerades as a kind, empathic, loving person. And you can terrify people and and hurt them and torture them into submission.
21. 06:40 And this is an integral part of coercive control, by the way. And so this sadism has been overlooked in the past. Even it’s a mistake even I have made uh in my early the early versions of malignant self- loveve narcissism revisited. Individuals with high levels of
22. 06:59 narcissistic rivalry experience negative feelings when someone else is receiving attention. They devalue other people and they experience positive feelings when other people fail or or are find themselves in an inferior position as I said and this process helps the
23. 07:16 individual with narcissistic pathology to maintain a grandio image of himself. There are studies by Rogoa and others 2018. The struggle for supremacy, the rivalry itself, the hostile behavior underly, support, batteries, uphold the grandiosity. It is
24. 07:38 grandio to engage in battle. It is grandiose to act as a superhero. It’s grandiose to take down villains. It’s grandiose to destroy the object that frustrates you and to prove yourself better than him or her or her. It’s grandiose to take your rivals out. It’s this is all grandio.
25. 08:05 What are we talking about? Sadism is grandio exactly like paranoia. Narcissistic rivalry explains why individuals with high levels of grandio narcissism experience positive feelings when other people fail, when other people are in pain by exerting power
26. 08:25 over other people, subduing them, subjugating them because there is a sadistic element there. And and so uh according to this reasoning the levels of narcissistic rivalry explain the process by which grandio narcissism leads to or is connected somehow to sadism.
27. 08:52 Same same applies to malicious envy. It’s a good candidate to explain relationship between grandio narcissism and sadism. Envy is a reaction or a disposition towards other people. It’s the outcome of comparing yourself to other people. It’s related to a sense of
28. 09:09 innate inferiority or some kind of injustice or discrimination if you’re passive aggressive. Yeah. When you compare yourself to other people’s traits, uh their wealth, their success, envy is provoked. Envy is triggered. That’s only human. But when this envy
29. 09:30 uh leads you to act malevolently in order to destroy the other person, that’s malicious envy. And it is distinct from benign envy. This is known as the dual envy theory. Cohen Chash Lson 2017, Van Deven uh 201 etc. It’s a
30. 09:52 new theory of envy. Benign envy is a tendency to improve your lot to improve your improve your life to change yourself to better your condition. Uh it stimulates you to work on yourself in accordance with the role models that you envy. Malicious envy is is not about
31. 10:10 any of this. It’s not about you. It’s about the other person. Benign envy is about you and how you could become a better version of yourself. malicious envies about the other person and how you could destroy that other person so that it doesn’t
32. 10:24 irritate you and annoy you and cause you narcissistic injuries and narcissistic motification on a permanent basis. It’s characterized by hostility, malicious envy, anger, devaluation, and harming others intentionally, deliberately in order to reduce the threat to the ego
33. 10:45 if you wish or to the false self. Vanderven 2016. So um both benign envy and malicious envy are motivational but benign envy causes positive motivation. It motivates you to do positive things while malicious envy literally drives you to become a psychopath. Now malicious envy
34. 11:11 uh supports in grandio narcissism a positive image of the self. How you construct your positive image of the self in narcissism compared to the negative image of the other. Malicious envy tells you if you destroy the other it’s because the other is negative. And by destroying this
35. 11:34 negative other person, you will have upheld and supported and proved your positive self-image. So it’s an exclusionary identity. It’s an identity by comparison. Malicious envy is derivative. Narcissism is derivative. The narcissist regulates his sense of selfworth and
36. 11:58 whatever sense of self he has via comparison with others. It derives narcissistic supply from others to regulate his internal environment. Narcissists like border lines have inter external regulation. So the narcissist who who is besieged and consumed by malicious envy needs to
37. 12:24 destroy the other person in order to feel good about himself. But to do that he needs to reframe reality and he needs to say the other person deserves it is bad is evil is a villain. I am moral. I am a good person. I am impeccable. I am the victim. I have
38. 12:48 a right, moral, ethical, and legal, to do whatever I want because he had it coming and he should be punished and he should be taken down. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do. But of course, all this is All this is nons nonsensical narrative hiding forces
39. 13:08 inside the narcissist especially the covert narcissist that are overwhelming disregulating and ruinous. Ultimately this kind of narcissist is consumed to utter destruction and annihilation by his own malicious envy and narcissistic rivalry. They drive him to distraction
40. 13:31 and then to destruction. Nothing is left of him. Envy has been linked more to covert narcissism or vulnerable narcissism than to grandio narcissism. I refer you to studies by Gold as early as 1996, uh, Kryen and Johar in 2012, Neifeld and Johnson 2016, Lunch and others in 2016.
41. 13:56 It’s a literature review and so on and so forth. Malicious envy is related somehow to narcissistic rivalry, but it’s not the same. Again, there’s a study by Dinich and Branovich 2021. Some authors argue that rivalry leads to malicious envy. I argue lunch, for
42. 14:17 example. I argue the opposite. That is rivalry that leads to malicious envy. It doesn’t matter. They’re connected somehow. The malicious envy and rivalry motivate the narcissistic individual with high levels of narcissism to become aggressive to aggress against others in
43. 14:35 order to destroy their much coveted and unattainable good fortune. The Nazis want them wants them gun because they are constant reminder of their superiority compared to his inferiority. It’s unacceptable. And from this perspective, aggression motivated by malicious envy or the
44. 14:58 observation of failure in someone envied in the envy object. This may be the source of sadistic pleasure in narcissistic individuals. Now the sadism reestablishes the grandiosity of the self, supports the feelings of sense of selfworth and it streng strengthens the sense of
45. 15:21 self-efficacy. It does good things. Destroying other people feels good to narcissist as a whole. There is an association between all these elements. There’s a great uh article by CLA and others in 2019.