Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video.

1. 00:02 Psychopaths are charming. Narcissists are charming. Even some professors of psychology who shall remain unnamed are charming. Charming, isn’t it? Today we’re going to discuss the differences between the psychopath charm and the narcissist’s alleged charm.
2. 00:28 and I propose charming. My name is Sandin. I’m the author of malignant self- loveve, narcissism revisited and the most charmingly imaginable professor of psychology which is in itself a very charming subject. Okay, I don’t know how many of you know, but
3. 00:48 within the diagnostic criteria of antisocial personality disorder and within the tests that are used to diagnose psychopaths, especially the Robert Hair um PCLR, superficial charm and glibess are features, clinical features of psychopathy, an antisocial personality
4. 01:10 disorder. Both the psychopath and the pro-social narcissist are superficially charming, glib, charismatic, magnetic, outgoing, and easygoing. Exude self-confidence, inspire followship. The pro-social narcissist and the psychopath are often indistinguishable
5. 01:36 as far as behavior goes, behaviorally indistinguishable. Although the psychonamics and the ideology are dramatically different as opposed to the psychopath, the classic overt narcissist, the antisocial narcissism, not the pro-social narcissist. This kind of narcissist, the
6. 01:57 in yourrface, the defiant, the haughty, arrogant, entitled, self-centered, egotistical narcissist. This kind of narcissist is actually not charming. Multiple studies support this assertion that I’ve just made. These narcissists may end up being the center of
7. 02:20 attention, the life of the party, the pillars of the community, but they’re not actually charming. Studies in Harvard and elsewhere have discovered that narcissists trigger instant repulsion, discomfort, a sense of discomfort. You feel ill at ease around the narcissist.
8. 02:42 Something is wrong. Something has gone arry. Something is not well put together. Something off key, out of tune. The narcissist triggers what is known as the uncanny valley reaction. And this happens within 3 to 30 seconds
9. 03:02 of exposure to a narcissist. Yes, you heard me correctly. Studies have demonstrated pretty conclusively and repeatedly that when you’re exposed to a classic overt narcissist, within 3 seconds to 30 seconds, you develop an uncanny valley reaction. You begin to you begin to feel
10. 03:26 uncomfortable. You feel ill at ease. You feel discompulated, dis discomforted. You feel that something’s wrong. You’re unable to put your finger in it. Everything looks okay. But there’s a general feeling of creepiness of something all right, something that
11. 03:44 doesn’t sit well together. as if the person you’re faced with, the narcissist, is halfbaked, a work in progress, if you wish, not fully human. The narcissist, therefore, is not charming. On the very contrary, it triggers the uncanny value reaction.
12. 04:05 Now, some narcissists, as I said, the pro-social or communal narcissist are ostentatious dogooders. They are performatively moral, ostentatiously, ethical, helpful and altruistic, especially on camera. This is their way of obtaining narcissistic supply. And
13. 04:24 this particular subset, this particular subgroup of narcissist, they’re indeed superficially charming, glib, easygoing, and so on. But only this particular subgroup, which is estimated to be 2 to 3% of narcissists. So how come many many people especially
14. 04:43 victims former victims current victims what would be victims how come all these self-styled and real victims claim to have been charmed by the narcissist the fact is they haven’t they have deluded themselves into being charmed they wanted to be charmed I don’t know why
15. 05:04 some of them may have been lonely some of them were sex starved some of them were looking for companionship ship. Some of them um had autoplastic defenses. They blamed themselves for feeling uncomfortable. Some of them said, “Let’s give the guy or the girl
16. 05:19 another chance.” Whatever the reason may be, societal, cultural, individual, psychological, whatever the reason may be may have been, these people have not been charmed by the overt narcissist. They deceived themselves into believing that they are being charmed or have been
17. 05:39 charmed. The charm was an artifact of their own making, a reaction to the narcissist’s presence, which was intended to preserve the interaction, to carry it forward, to develop a relationship. Again, studies conclusively show and have shown for well over two decades that even a
18. 06:01 minimal exposure to a narcissist, by the way, even in a photograph, even in a video as long as 30 seconds, and even believe it or not, in an email message, a minimal exposure to a narcissist generate ex generates extreme unease. extremities bordering on some kind of premonition, a
19. 06:26 sense of om ominous an ominous environment and this kind of feeling, the uncanny valley reaction triggers aggression. The aggression is usually internalized. The person who is experiencing the uncanny valley reaction blames himself or herself. They don’t say something is
20. 06:48 wrong with this guy or something is wrong with this girl. They may be narcissists. They’re saying something’s wrong with me. I’m too judgmental or I’m having a bad day or I’m misbehaving. I’m misjudging. I’m too too fast to condemn. And so our society conditions us to
21. 07:06 assume blame and to develop guilt. Modern society is a guilt tripping society. Back to the topic. Classical overt narcissists are the exact opposite of charming. They’re off-putting. While pro-social communal narcissists can be charming, often are, and most
22. 07:31 psychopaths are superficially charming. I call this phenomenon pathological charm. Pathological charmers react with rage and aggression when their intended targets prove to be resistant to the charm, impervious to the lure, luring and baiting that go hand inhand with the
23. 07:55 charm because the charm in psychopathy and the charm in pro-social communal narcissism is machavelian, is manipulative. The charm is goal oriented. It is intended to induce a change in the target of the charm offensive intended to for example modify
24. 08:18 the targets of the victims of the mark’s behavior intended to shape the targets moods intended to provoke or evoke specific emotions and effects and so on. It’s manipulative. And when you prove to be resistant to this manipulation for whatever reason,
25. 08:38 this triggers enormous rage and externalized aggression in psychopaths and to a lesser lesser extent in pro-ocial and communal narcissist. This kind of narcissistic injury, your charm is not working. Your charm means nothing to me. I see through you. You
26. 08:58 are transparent. I know that you’re being charming in order to manipulate me. This kind of messaging from a potential victim or a potential target being spurned and rebuffed by a potential mark makes the psychopath and the narcissist feel threatened,
27. 09:16 rejected, denuded, injured. And this, as I said, triggers aggression. And in the case of the psychopath and the communalos pro-ocial narcissist, the aggression is 100% externalized because these people have aloplastic defenses. They tend they tend to blame other
28. 09:37 people, never themselves. They never assume responsibility. They never hold themselves accountable. They don’t do soul searching. Uh they have no introspection. So whenever something goes wrong, whenever their strategys and strategies fail, they never blame themselves. They blame
29. 09:56 the victim. They blame the target. They blame the mark who had refused to collaborate with the scheme, refused to succumb to the psychopaths and the pro-ocial narcissist allegedly ostensibly irresistible charm. The pathological charmer is machavellian.
30. 10:20 It stands to reason although there are no studies to support this but it stands to reason that part of the machavelianism in dark personalities such as dark triad or dark tetr personalities part of the machavelianism would involve charm would involve magnetism and charisma. Dark
31. 10:39 personalities are known to be magnetic and charismatic. But that’s a topic for another video. And only when we comeos become possessed of studies when studies become available. Right now as I said there are none. There’s a darth of uh deeply
32. 11:02 analyzing deeply studying the phenomenon of charm. It is regrettable because in modern post in postmodern civilization especially in its politics charm is a currency. It’s a coinage. People use charm to garner attention. They leverage charm in order to
33. 11:25 manipulate other people and obtain goals. Charm is the key weapon. Charm is weaponized. It’s the key weapon in the arsenal of the psychopath. The pro-ocial and communal narcissist, professors of psychology included.