A conversation between Eve Tawfik and Dr. Sam Vaknin
Hello, hello. Nice to see you, Sam.
That’s mutual. And since you’re the one who invited me, why don’t you take charge?
Okay, I will. That’s something I’m used to.
I suspected as much.
Why do I give off that kind of aura?
I’m sure you’re used to taking charge as well.
Depends on the circumstances. Let’s not get lurid online—let’s keep it PG. There may be kids watching.
So, my name is Eve Tawfik, I’m a UK journalist, and I’m here with Dr. Sam Vaknin, who is an expert on narcissism, a professor of psychology, and holder of many other accolades. Today we’re discussing financial crime, narcissism, fraud—the con man—and how all of that relates to narcissistic personality disorder.
We all know examples like Bernie Madoff, who created a Ponzi scheme in the 1960s. His lies led to financial destruction and even tragedy, including the suicide of his son. Dr. Vaknin, why do you believe Bernie Madoff was a narcissist?
The Emotional Core of Financial Crime
Before diving into Bernie Madoff, Dr. Vaknin takes the opportunity to announce a free 3-day seminar in Skopje, North Macedonia, focused on recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse—particularly using evidence-based practices.
Then, onto the subject.
He explains that money, in psychology, is seen as a substitute for love. Receiving money can feel like the universe loves you. Historically, wealth has been interpreted as a sign of divine favor. This emotional component of money is often overlooked.
Con artists understand this deeply. They play on emotional needs, not just financial ones. The fraud begins as a love affair—erotic, emotional, and intimate. “Con” comes from “confidence,” and what they offer is trust, connection, and belonging. The victim feels like they’re part of a private, special relationship—a “cult of two.”
Why Victims Fall for the Con
Most victims aren’t naive. Many suspect something is wrong but proceed anyway because they crave connection. They are lonely, isolated, overlooked, and hungry for love and attention. The fraud provides emotional intimacy—more than material reward.
It’s rarely about greed. Instead, it’s about fulfilling emotional voids. The con artist becomes someone who listens, asks about your life, and makes you feel special. That emotional fulfillment is the true bait.
The Psychology of the Con Artist
Most fraudsters are malignant narcissists—narcissistic and psychopathic. They believe they’re above the law, possess divine authority, and feel entitled. They blame their victims and see themselves as immune to consequences.
In relationships—financial, romantic, or friendly—they engage in emotional fraud. These people don’t just lie. They create shared fantasies. The victim enters a narrative filled with hope and grandiosity that covers their real-life loneliness and pain.
A Personal Story
Eve shares her experience with a man in his 70s who posed as a victim to elicit her help. Over time, he manipulated her into giving him money, promising returns, and speaking of love and family. He reminded her of her father, building emotional trust. She gave him £2,000 before realizing she’d been conned. Still, she saw how skillfully he played into her emotional needs.
Belle Gibson and the Power of Digital Deception
They discuss Belle Gibson, an Australian influencer who falsely claimed to have brain cancer. She built a wellness empire around this lie, receiving adoration, gifts, and sympathy from thousands. Many victims followed her advice believing it could cure their own illnesses.
This kind of fraud highlights how social media amplifies emotional manipulation. People crave connection and inspiration, and manipulators exploit this vulnerability.
Narcissism as Emotional Fraud
Dr. Vaknin explains that all narcissistic relationships involve emotional fraud. Even when no money is exchanged, there’s always manipulation of reality and emotional needs. The narcissist replaces your reality with their fantasy. You become a character in their theater—no longer yourself.
Even romantic love with a narcissist is performative. You’re tested, pushed, betrayed—only to prove that you’ll stay and love them unconditionally, like a mother.
Victims Also Have Grandiosity
Interestingly, many victims also have narcissistic defenses. The con artist projects neediness, making the victim feel unique and irreplaceable. This feeds their own sense of grandiosity—feeling like a savior, healer, or fixer. This dynamic is called “control from the bottom.”
It’s a deeply addictive exchange. The victim becomes dependent on feeling needed, while the con artist continues the act to sustain their illusion of love or admiration.
Red Flag: The Language of “Need”
Vaknin offers one universal rule: walk away from any relationship built on “need.”
Whether the person says “I need you” or “You need me,” it’s a red flag. It’s not love—it’s coercion.
He explains the difference between expressing a wish or expectation (which is healthy) and stating a need (which implies obligation and emotional blackmail).
Conning Beyond Money
Not all scams are about money. Some scammers want sex, power, access, or admiration. Some invest money into their scams to get emotional or sexual rewards. Others use victimhood as a tactic—posing as helpless to draw others in.
Scamming is about neediness—theirs or yours.
National-Level Scams
Scams can also happen on a mass level. Political movements based on fantasies of a “glorious past” are essentially emotional scams. The slogan “Make America Great Again” is one example. It appeals to nostalgia and frames the leader as the only one who can restore greatness. That’s textbook con artistry, says Vaknin.
Final Thoughts
The conversation concludes with a powerful idea: Scams are emotional before they are financial. The transaction is only 20% of the con—the real story is in the psychology, the shared fantasy, and the manipulation of need.
