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1. 00:03 mini is back and so am I there’s no good without bad and AO good and bad today we’re going to discuss malignant covert narcissist you’ve never heard this one before but it stands to reason that if there is a malignant version of The ovit grandio Narcissist there should be a malignant version of the covert fragile vulnerable shy narcissist and indeed there is my name is Sak I’m the author of malignance of Love narcissism Revisited a former visiting professor of psychology and not so shy member of The mini is back and so am I there’s no good without bad and AO good and bad today we’re going to discuss malignant covert narcissist you’ve never heard this one before but it stands to reason that if there is a malignant version of The ovit grandio Narcissist there should be a malignant version of the covert fragile vulnerable shy narcissist and indeed there is my name is Sak I’m the author of malignance of Love narcissism Revisited a former visiting professor of psychology and not so shy member of The
2. 00:48 Faculty of seaps it is commonly accepted that there is a variant of overt grandio narcissism known as malignant narcissism it’s the unsavory combination of sadism psychopathy and narcissism the perfect trifecta your dream partner indeed some Scholars suggest that what we call overt grandos narcissism is actually a form of psychopathy and that the only real narcissism is covert compensatory there’s an innate bad object an inferiority complex feelings of inadequacy of unworthiness of being Faculty of seaps it is commonly accepted that there is a variant of overt grandio narcissism known as malignant narcissism it’s the unsavory combination of sadism psychopathy and narcissism the perfect trifecta your dream partner indeed some Scholars suggest that what we call overt grandos narcissism is actually a form of psychopathy and that the only real narcissism is covert compensatory there’s an innate bad object an inferiority complex feelings of inadequacy of unworthiness of being
3. 01:44 unlovable and the compensation is to appear to be Godlike to insist on one’s Perfection and Brilliance omnicient and omnipotence so this is where the field is heading focusing on the compensatory aspects of narcissism and apparently covert narcissism is irreconcilable cannot be put together with malignant narcissism because malignant narcissism is in your face it’s defiant it’s Reckless it’s contumacious Authority rejecting it’s in short grandio it’s aggressive even violent it’s unlovable and the compensation is to appear to be Godlike to insist on one’s Perfection and Brilliance omnicient and omnipotence so this is where the field is heading focusing on the compensatory aspects of narcissism and apparently covert narcissism is irreconcilable cannot be put together with malignant narcissism because malignant narcissism is in your face it’s defiant it’s Reckless it’s contumacious Authority rejecting it’s in short grandio it’s aggressive even violent it’s
4. 02:39 sadistic these are not typical traits of a covert narcissist how can we put the the two together this I will attempt to do in today’s video because I firmly believe from my experience that there is such a thing as covert malignant narcism now malignant narcissism in the covert version is also compensatory in other words we have two layers of compensation the original covert narcissism compensates for inferiority and the bad object and then there is a second layer of compensation which is the malignancy malignant sadistic these are not typical traits of a covert narcissist how can we put the the two together this I will attempt to do in today’s video because I firmly believe from my experience that there is such a thing as covert malignant narcism now malignant narcissism in the covert version is also compensatory in other words we have two layers of compensation the original covert narcissism compensates for inferiority and the bad object and then there is a second layer of compensation which is the malignancy malignant
5. 03:26 narcissism why do we need or why does the covert narcissis need two layers of compensation because of the collapse covert narcissists are in a permanent state of collapse they are frustrated they are inefficacious they are losers they never succeed to attract narcissistic Supply to um accomplish things to become famous to draw attention to themselves and so on so forth this permanent state of collapse resonates with a bad object and reinforces it it’s as if constant failure repeated defeats they affirm and confirm and narcissism why do we need or why does the covert narcissis need two layers of compensation because of the collapse covert narcissists are in a permanent state of collapse they are frustrated they are inefficacious they are losers they never succeed to attract narcissistic Supply to um accomplish things to become famous to draw attention to themselves and so on so forth this permanent state of collapse resonates with a bad object and reinforces it it’s as if constant failure repeated defeats they affirm and confirm and
6. 04:16 butress and uphold the covert narcissist innate or inner self-perception as a loser as a nobody as a no good as an unworthy unlovable person so the covert narcissist uh has a problem unlike the overt or grandos narcissist increasingly it becomes more difficult to lie to himself or to herself about the state of things about his or her life as the covert narcissist keep stumbling from one failure to another from one defeat to another from from one frustrated strategy to another from one hairbrain scheme to another butress and uphold the covert narcissist innate or inner self-perception as a loser as a nobody as a no good as an unworthy unlovable person so the covert narcissist uh has a problem unlike the overt or grandos narcissist increasingly it becomes more difficult to lie to himself or to herself about the state of things about his or her life as the covert narcissist keep stumbling from one failure to another from one defeat to another from from one frustrated strategy to another from one hairbrain scheme to another
7. 05:06 from one failed attempt to attract attention to another as these reminders of collapse accumulate the covert narcissist constellation of self-defeating self-destructive self- rejecting and self-loathing inner voices they become louder and they become much more convincing and the covert narcissist needs to compensate for this by adopting a posture of malignancy by becoming a malignant narcissist so whereas in the overt grandio version of narcissism the malignancy malignant narcissism has to do with an emphasis or from one failed attempt to attract attention to another as these reminders of collapse accumulate the covert narcissist constellation of self-defeating self-destructive self- rejecting and self-loathing inner voices they become louder and they become much more convincing and the covert narcissist needs to compensate for this by adopting a posture of malignancy by becoming a malignant narcissist so whereas in the overt grandio version of narcissism the malignancy malignant narcissism has to do with an emphasis or
8. 05:53 an exaggeration of antisocial traits and sadism in the covert narcissis the malignant compensation has to do with a desperate attempt to somehow silence repress the bad object inside the covert narcissist it’s when the initial primary compensation fails malignant compensation is a secondary compensation so in the over grandio narcissis we have um narcissism and when this narcissism is extrapolated when this narcissism is emphasized and exaggerated and r large it becomes malignant in the covert narcissist an exaggeration of antisocial traits and sadism in the covert narcissis the malignant compensation has to do with a desperate attempt to somehow silence repress the bad object inside the covert narcissist it’s when the initial primary compensation fails malignant compensation is a secondary compensation so in the over grandio narcissis we have um narcissism and when this narcissism is extrapolated when this narcissism is emphasized and exaggerated and r large it becomes malignant in the covert narcissist
9. 06:48 there’s an initial posture initial posture of inferiority of failure of Defeat of self-deprecation of frustration of self-directed aggression that’s initial posture then there is a compensatory layer which is the covert narcissism the belief although this belief is rarely communicated or verbalized but the belief in one’s own superiority one’s own um Brilliance one’s own Perfection so this is the first layer of compensation but when confronted with the vicisitudes and exigencies of there’s an initial posture initial posture of inferiority of failure of Defeat of self-deprecation of frustration of self-directed aggression that’s initial posture then there is a compensatory layer which is the covert narcissism the belief although this belief is rarely communicated or verbalized but the belief in one’s own superiority one’s own um Brilliance one’s own Perfection so this is the first layer of compensation but when confronted with the vicisitudes and exigencies of
10. 07:33 life with constant failure and defeat the covert narcissis can no longer maintain this self-deception this facade and he resorts to malignant compensation the second layer of compensation second level of compensation um and through the malignant compensation he tries the covert narcissist tries to somehow restore himself or herself the gender pronouns are interchangeable to restore themselves into state of functioning malignant narcissism therefore is compensatory in covert narcissism and it’s a last life with constant failure and defeat the covert narcissis can no longer maintain this self-deception this facade and he resorts to malignant compensation the second layer of compensation second level of compensation um and through the malignant compensation he tries the covert narcissist tries to somehow restore himself or herself the gender pronouns are interchangeable to restore themselves into state of functioning malignant narcissism therefore is compensatory in covert narcissism and it’s a last
11. 08:18 resort I’d like to read to you something from the amazing poem the rhyme of the Ancient [Music] Mariner like one that on a lonesome Road doth walk in fear and dread and having once turned around walks on and turns no more his head because he knows a frightful fend doth close behind him tread this is a perfect encapsulation of the covert narcissist dread of his or her own shame the truth of his his or her own inferiority and inadequacy and incompetence and incompatibility with the world inability to exact and resort I’d like to read to you something from the amazing poem the rhyme of the Ancient [Music] Mariner like one that on a lonesome Road doth walk in fear and dread and having once turned around walks on and turns no more his head because he knows a frightful fend doth close behind him tread this is a perfect encapsulation of the covert narcissist dread of his or her own shame the truth of his his or her own inferiority and inadequacy and incompetence and incompatibility with the world inability to exact and
12. 09:12 extricate positive outcomes from the environment lack of self-efficacy The Narcissist the covert narcissist knows a frightful find do close behind him tread and so he he never turns turns around he never turns around because of the terror of coming face to face with himself because the is the Nar the covert narcissist himself or herself so this is the this is the background to understand how malignant narcissism compensates for problem and issues in covert narcissism I need to introduce you to the concept of extricate positive outcomes from the environment lack of self-efficacy The Narcissist the covert narcissist knows a frightful find do close behind him tread and so he he never turns turns around he never turns around because of the terror of coming face to face with himself because the is the Nar the covert narcissist himself or herself so this is the this is the background to understand how malignant narcissism compensates for problem and issues in covert narcissism I need to introduce you to the concept of
13. 10:07 externalization now externalization is a defense mechanism where one’s thoughts and feelings and perceptions are attributed to the external world not internally they’re perceived as if they’re coming from the outside independent of oneself independent of one’s experiences and projection is a private case of externalization is when we attribute to other people elements of ourselves traits of ourselves that we are ashamed of that we reject in ourselves that we would not like to have so if we are weak we would externalization now externalization is a defense mechanism where one’s thoughts and feelings and perceptions are attributed to the external world not internally they’re perceived as if they’re coming from the outside independent of oneself independent of one’s experiences and projection is a private case of externalization is when we attribute to other people elements of ourselves traits of ourselves that we are ashamed of that we reject in ourselves that we would not like to have so if we are weak we would
14. 10:44 say that yo someone else is weak this is projection and it’s a again a case private case of externalization externalization is the process of learning to distinguish between self and the environment and usually occurs during childhood again a private case of externalization is othering realizing that other people exist that they are external to yourself and that they’re separate from you have have their own life preferences priorities emotions cognitions wishes dreams this is a form of externalization say that yo someone else is weak this is projection and it’s a again a case private case of externalization externalization is the process of learning to distinguish between self and the environment and usually occurs during childhood again a private case of externalization is othering realizing that other people exist that they are external to yourself and that they’re separate from you have have their own life preferences priorities emotions cognitions wishes dreams this is a form of externalization
15. 11:23 othering I dedicate several videos um on this channel to other but there is another manifestation of externalization which is more relevant to our video today it is the process by which a drive some Drive is aroused by external stimuli not by internal stimuli so while a normal person would feel hunger and seek food someone with an externalization problem would come across food and this would arous in him or her hunger so internal states are triggered by external stimuli in externalization similarly the psychopath othering I dedicate several videos um on this channel to other but there is another manifestation of externalization which is more relevant to our video today it is the process by which a drive some Drive is aroused by external stimuli not by internal stimuli so while a normal person would feel hunger and seek food someone with an externalization problem would come across food and this would arous in him or her hunger so internal states are triggered by external stimuli in externalization similarly the psychopath
16. 12:19 for example is bound to become aggressive when confronted with other people so this aggression is a form of externalization is not that the psychopath was angry and then he met people he meets people and this makes him angry external externalization is a crucial Dynamic and process in narcissism Mr narcissists are incapable of perceiving the externality of objects they’re incapable of grasping that for example other people are out there separate from them what narcissist do they internalize for example is bound to become aggressive when confronted with other people so this aggression is a form of externalization is not that the psychopath was angry and then he met people he meets people and this makes him angry external externalization is a crucial Dynamic and process in narcissism Mr narcissists are incapable of perceiving the externality of objects they’re incapable of grasping that for example other people are out there separate from them what narcissist do they internalize
17. 13:07 everything so narcissist have the opposite externalization problem rather than react to external stimuli and then develop an internal State an inner process the narcissist develops an inner process an internal State of Mind based on the con conversion of external objects into internal objects that’s in a nut now what I’m going to do I’m going to read to you the trades and behaviors of covert narcissis I’m going to use Cooper the late Cooper and aars table dated 1989 the Cornerstone of everything so narcissist have the opposite externalization problem rather than react to external stimuli and then develop an internal State an inner process the narcissist develops an inner process an internal State of Mind based on the con conversion of external objects into internal objects that’s in a nut now what I’m going to do I’m going to read to you the trades and behaviors of covert narcissis I’m going to use Cooper the late Cooper and aars table dated 1989 the Cornerstone of
18. 13:59 covert narcissism studies I’m going to read from this table and then I’m going to demonstrate to you how the covert narcissist develops malignant narcissism as a compensation for the problems and issues and conundrums that are presented by Cooper and aar’s table start with self-concept Cooper andar say that the covert narcissist is in a state of inferiority moro’s self-doubts marked propensity toward feeling ashamed fragility Relentless search for Glory and power marked sensitivity to covert narcissism studies I’m going to read from this table and then I’m going to demonstrate to you how the covert narcissist develops malignant narcissism as a compensation for the problems and issues and conundrums that are presented by Cooper and aar’s table start with self-concept Cooper andar say that the covert narcissist is in a state of inferiority moro’s self-doubts marked propensity toward feeling ashamed fragility Relentless search for Glory and power marked sensitivity to
19. 14:43 criticism hypervigilance and realistic set setbacks so this is the background this is the psychological background of the covert narcissist this is the land the covert narcissist inhabits that’s his constant state of mind and it’s intolerable it’s unbearable it’s difficult to live with and so the covert narcissist compensates for this by developing Mal a malignancy he becomes a malignant narcissist it’s a form of malignant compensation but unique to the covert narcissist whereas the malignant criticism hypervigilance and realistic set setbacks so this is the background this is the psychological background of the covert narcissist this is the land the covert narcissist inhabits that’s his constant state of mind and it’s intolerable it’s unbearable it’s difficult to live with and so the covert narcissist compensates for this by developing Mal a malignancy he becomes a malignant narcissist it’s a form of malignant compensation but unique to the covert narcissist whereas the malignant
20. 15:23 compensation in overt grandio narcissist is to be more overt and more grandio and more antisocial and more Psychopathic and more of everything in the covert narcissis the malignancy is more nuanced so the covert narcissist problem with self-concept is solved via several mechanisms number one grandiosity but this is a type of grandiosity I would call it latent grandiosity it’s an inner conviction that the covert narcissist has that he is superior that he is brilliant that is perfect that is Godlike but he never verbalizes it he compensation in overt grandio narcissist is to be more overt and more grandio and more antisocial and more Psychopathic and more of everything in the covert narcissis the malignancy is more nuanced so the covert narcissist problem with self-concept is solved via several mechanisms number one grandiosity but this is a type of grandiosity I would call it latent grandiosity it’s an inner conviction that the covert narcissist has that he is superior that he is brilliant that is perfect that is Godlike but he never verbalizes it he
21. 16:14 never communicates it it’s not ostentatious as is the case with narcissist classic narcissist and Psychopaths the covert narcissist grandiosity is an in inner dialogue an internal dialogue between the covert narcissist and himself and yet it forms a part of the malignant compensation in the covert narcissist because the covert narcissist uses this inner conviction of his inflated fantastic self-image he uses it to offset to somehow defay or somehow amarate and mitigate uh the sense of inferiority the never communicates it it’s not ostentatious as is the case with narcissist classic narcissist and Psychopaths the covert narcissist grandiosity is an in inner dialogue an internal dialogue between the covert narcissist and himself and yet it forms a part of the malignant compensation in the covert narcissist because the covert narcissist uses this inner conviction of his inflated fantastic self-image he uses it to offset to somehow defay or somehow amarate and mitigate uh the sense of inferiority the
22. 17:03 self-doubts the shame the fragility the vulnerability and this grandiosity drives the covert narcissist to what akar and Cooper called a Relentless search for Glory and power covert narcissist under the radar under the cover is very driven very ambitious I would say insidiously and virulently so his ambition is toxic all consuming obsessive compulsive virtually insane this is the only way he can survive somehow against the waves of shame that sweep over him time and again whereas the grandio overt self-doubts the shame the fragility the vulnerability and this grandiosity drives the covert narcissist to what akar and Cooper called a Relentless search for Glory and power covert narcissist under the radar under the cover is very driven very ambitious I would say insidiously and virulently so his ambition is toxic all consuming obsessive compulsive virtually insane this is the only way he can survive somehow against the waves of shame that sweep over him time and again whereas the grandio overt
23. 17:57 narcissist is able to isolate himself from the shame there’s a barrier there’s a firewall between the grandio narcissist and the reservoir of life-threatening shame at the core of the narcissist the covert narcissist has failed in doing this it’s another form of collapse the covert narcissist is in constant contact with this ominous menacing shame it threatens to over whelm him overpower him and drown him in short this shame threatens to deregulate the covert nissis reduce the covert nois narcissist is able to isolate himself from the shame there’s a barrier there’s a firewall between the grandio narcissist and the reservoir of life-threatening shame at the core of the narcissist the covert narcissist has failed in doing this it’s another form of collapse the covert narcissist is in constant contact with this ominous menacing shame it threatens to over whelm him overpower him and drown him in short this shame threatens to deregulate the covert nissis reduce the covert nois
24. 18:39 into a state Ain or reminiscent of borderline personality so to fight this off the covert narcissist inhabits a paracosm a fantasy an internal not shared but internal fantasy idiosyncratic unique individual fantasy where he is Godlike he is the god of that fantasy he’s the godhead of that fantasy this grandiosity is a bullwark a defense against the shame the self-doubt the sense of inferiority and so on so forth another element in the malignant compensation for the self-concept problem is psychopathy the covert narcissist when into a state Ain or reminiscent of borderline personality so to fight this off the covert narcissist inhabits a paracosm a fantasy an internal not shared but internal fantasy idiosyncratic unique individual fantasy where he is Godlike he is the god of that fantasy he’s the godhead of that fantasy this grandiosity is a bullwark a defense against the shame the self-doubt the sense of inferiority and so on so forth another element in the malignant compensation for the self-concept problem is psychopathy the covert narcissist when
25. 19:27 exposed to stress anxiety environmental challenges utter collapse mortification the covert narcissis becomes a primary psychopath I have a video dedicated to this I encourage you to look for it in the comorbidities playlist on this channel he becomes a primary psychopath the same way a borderline someone with borderline personality disorder becomes a secondary psychopath when exposed to abandonment rejection and humiliation the covert narcissist becomes a primary psychopath when exposed to the same ambient or exposed to stress anxiety environmental challenges utter collapse mortification the covert narcissis becomes a primary psychopath I have a video dedicated to this I encourage you to look for it in the comorbidities playlist on this channel he becomes a primary psychopath the same way a borderline someone with borderline personality disorder becomes a secondary psychopath when exposed to abandonment rejection and humiliation the covert narcissist becomes a primary psychopath when exposed to the same ambient or
26. 20:11 environmental cues and circumstances so the primary psychopath is callous exploitative manipulative mavan and and the covert narcissist suddenly transforms adopts as another self State and transitions from a doormat to a bully um in an instant and then he becomes Psychopathic there’s a sense of immunity to the consequences of his actions recklessness a lot of projection of the parts that the covert narcissist is ashamed of or cannot tolerate he attributes them to other people and overwhelming sadism the sadism in environmental cues and circumstances so the primary psychopath is callous exploitative manipulative mavan and and the covert narcissist suddenly transforms adopts as another self State and transitions from a doormat to a bully um in an instant and then he becomes Psychopathic there’s a sense of immunity to the consequences of his actions recklessness a lot of projection of the parts that the covert narcissist is ashamed of or cannot tolerate he attributes them to other people and overwhelming sadism the sadism in
27. 21:06 malignant covert narcissist is much more pronounced much more pervasive much more dangerous much more cruel than the sadism in malignant overt narcissism the overt narcissist the malignant overt narcissist is much less sadistic than the malignant covert narcissist and the reason is the the covert narcissist is sadistic to start with the covert narcissist is constantly frustrated and this frustration is converted and transformed and transmutes into aggression so the covert narcissist constantly accumulates malignant covert narcissist is much more pronounced much more pervasive much more dangerous much more cruel than the sadism in malignant overt narcissism the overt narcissist the malignant overt narcissist is much less sadistic than the malignant covert narcissist and the reason is the the covert narcissist is sadistic to start with the covert narcissist is constantly frustrated and this frustration is converted and transformed and transmutes into aggression so the covert narcissist constantly accumulates
28. 21:47 aggression and this aggression is coupled with Envy with hatred what we call negative effects and when you put all the together this seething cauldron this when you put it together it’s a witches brew and when the covert narcissist transitions to a psychopathic malignant self State he his sadism shines through it’s as if this new self State legitimizes the sadism the covert narcissist is going to design ingenious ways to torment you and torture you and undermine you and humiliate you especially in public and somehow inflict aggression and this aggression is coupled with Envy with hatred what we call negative effects and when you put all the together this seething cauldron this when you put it together it’s a witches brew and when the covert narcissist transitions to a psychopathic malignant self State he his sadism shines through it’s as if this new self State legitimizes the sadism the covert narcissist is going to design ingenious ways to torment you and torture you and undermine you and humiliate you especially in public and somehow inflict
29. 22:37 on you enormous pain which he is going to enjoy tremendously as an affirmation of his omnipotence and Godlike qualities so this is the malignant compensation for self-concept issues in covert narcissism next on the Cooper and akar table of covert narcissism 1989 is interpersonal relationships they say the covert narcissist is unable to genuinely depend on others and trust them there’s chronic Envy of others talents possessions and capacity for deep object relations there’s a lack of regard for on you enormous pain which he is going to enjoy tremendously as an affirmation of his omnipotence and Godlike qualities so this is the malignant compensation for self-concept issues in covert narcissism next on the Cooper and akar table of covert narcissism 1989 is interpersonal relationships they say the covert narcissist is unable to genuinely depend on others and trust them there’s chronic Envy of others talents possessions and capacity for deep object relations there’s a lack of regard for
30. 23:24 generational boundaries a disregard for other people’s time and a refusal to be responsive and react reactive they give example that the covert narcissist refuses to answer letters so the covert narcissist interpersonal relationships are the reification and manifestation and embodiment of the covert narcissist um steaming sething uh uh volcanic uh Inner Space where he is constantly in in pain constantly hurt by life’s slings and arrows by uh his negativistic attitude by the belief that he is constantly generational boundaries a disregard for other people’s time and a refusal to be responsive and react reactive they give example that the covert narcissist refuses to answer letters so the covert narcissist interpersonal relationships are the reification and manifestation and embodiment of the covert narcissist um steaming sething uh uh volcanic uh Inner Space where he is constantly in in pain constantly hurt by life’s slings and arrows by uh his negativistic attitude by the belief that he is constantly
31. 24:18 discriminated against overlooked um unappreciated demoted hated criticized he is the covert is his an inordinate amount of time hunting for slights and insults and imagining in his sick mind um payback and retribution he cannot therefore depend on other people and trust them because he attributes to them his state of mind he projects because he is vengeful he thinks people are vengeful because he is hateful he thinks people are hateful because he is resentful he thinks people are resentful because he envies everyone discriminated against overlooked um unappreciated demoted hated criticized he is the covert is his an inordinate amount of time hunting for slights and insults and imagining in his sick mind um payback and retribution he cannot therefore depend on other people and trust them because he attributes to them his state of mind he projects because he is vengeful he thinks people are vengeful because he is hateful he thinks people are hateful because he is resentful he thinks people are resentful because he envies everyone
32. 25:05 he think everyone EnV him or her okay all gender pronouns are interchangeable so he is unable to incorporate himself into any social unit or structure to engage in any form of social intercourse or discourse he constantly envies others everything they have and everything they are and he is as I said he’s a bit psychopath antisocial not Psychopathic antisocial he’s abrasive he’s rude he’s humiliating or he’s sulking gives you the silent treatment he’s uh uh frustrating on purpose sabotaging and he think everyone EnV him or her okay all gender pronouns are interchangeable so he is unable to incorporate himself into any social unit or structure to engage in any form of social intercourse or discourse he constantly envies others everything they have and everything they are and he is as I said he’s a bit psychopath antisocial not Psychopathic antisocial he’s abrasive he’s rude he’s humiliating or he’s sulking gives you the silent treatment he’s uh uh frustrating on purpose sabotaging and
33. 25:47 and in short the covert narcissist is passive aggressive passive aggression or negativism negative negativistic personality so and passive aggression is an element of malignant compensation together with fantasy introjection and sadism when the covert narcissist encounters and experiences inter difficulties in interpersonal relationships which make it ex almost impossible for him to obtain secure regular narcissistic Supply from the environment so this leads in measurably and invariably to a state of collapse to and in short the covert narcissist is passive aggressive passive aggression or negativism negative negativistic personality so and passive aggression is an element of malignant compensation together with fantasy introjection and sadism when the covert narcissist encounters and experiences inter difficulties in interpersonal relationships which make it ex almost impossible for him to obtain secure regular narcissistic Supply from the environment so this leads in measurably and invariably to a state of collapse to
34. 26:33 compensate for this the covert narcissist creates a fantastic internal space a paracosm we mentioned it before and inhabits this space and only this space covert narcissist are are nearly psychotic they are more psychotic than overt narcissist they are more withdrawn they are their reality testing is much more impaired the introject much more more they convert the external objects other people separate people external people they convert them into internal objects and they are sadistic and passive aggressive within this compensate for this the covert narcissist creates a fantastic internal space a paracosm we mentioned it before and inhabits this space and only this space covert narcissist are are nearly psychotic they are more psychotic than overt narcissist they are more withdrawn they are their reality testing is much more impaired the introject much more more they convert the external objects other people separate people external people they convert them into internal objects and they are sadistic and passive aggressive within this
35. 27:12 fantastic space and in reality actually and this is the malignant version of covert narcissism the next part of the table has to do deals with social adaptation uh and akar describe the covert in these terms nagging aimlessness shallow vocational commitment diletant like attitudes multiple but superficial interests chronic boredom aesthetic taste often illin and imitative and of course this is an excellent encapsulation of the psychopath psychopaths are exact like this this characterizes psychopath fantastic space and in reality actually and this is the malignant version of covert narcissism the next part of the table has to do deals with social adaptation uh and akar describe the covert in these terms nagging aimlessness shallow vocational commitment diletant like attitudes multiple but superficial interests chronic boredom aesthetic taste often illin and imitative and of course this is an excellent encapsulation of the psychopath psychopaths are exact like this this characterizes psychopath
36. 28:02 100% so here the malignant compensation sits well coheres with who the covert nissis anyhow is with who the covert narcissist is at all times in short what I’m trying to say is that covert narcissism includes a pronounced element or pronounced elements of psychopathy covert NES are much closer to primary psychopathy um in in this respect when it comes to social functioning in Social adaptation in interpersonal relationships and so on so forth so there is an interesting Mirror Image here the covert 100% so here the malignant compensation sits well coheres with who the covert nissis anyhow is with who the covert narcissist is at all times in short what I’m trying to say is that covert narcissism includes a pronounced element or pronounced elements of psychopathy covert NES are much closer to primary psychopathy um in in this respect when it comes to social functioning in Social adaptation in interpersonal relationships and so on so forth so there is an interesting Mirror Image here the covert
37. 28:47 narcissist is is much more narcissistic than the overt narcissist when it comes to internal processes the inner lens Cape the psychology then the covert narcissist is more narcissistic than the overt narcissist but when it comes to the environment circumstances other people interpersonal relationships social functioning and so on so forth the covert actually is usually more Psychopathic than the overt for example the overt or grandio narcissist is is more likely to collaborate with other people to work in teams to obtain a goal narcissist is is much more narcissistic than the overt narcissist when it comes to internal processes the inner lens Cape the psychology then the covert narcissist is more narcissistic than the overt narcissist but when it comes to the environment circumstances other people interpersonal relationships social functioning and so on so forth the covert actually is usually more Psychopathic than the overt for example the overt or grandio narcissist is is more likely to collaborate with other people to work in teams to obtain a goal
38. 29:35 yes there will be a lot of friction a lot of infighting a lot of ego trips and power plays and mind games all true but at least the covert grandio narcissist is capable in principle of mobilizing multiple people and creating adhoc coalitions and alliances to obtain goals the covert narcissist is utterly incapable of this that’s why covert narcissists are loners majority of them are loners now even when the covert narcissist pretends to be someone he is not our a wolf in sheep’s clothing when yes there will be a lot of friction a lot of infighting a lot of ego trips and power plays and mind games all true but at least the covert grandio narcissist is capable in principle of mobilizing multiple people and creating adhoc coalitions and alliances to obtain goals the covert narcissist is utterly incapable of this that’s why covert narcissists are loners majority of them are loners now even when the covert narcissist pretends to be someone he is not our a wolf in sheep’s clothing when
39. 30:16 the covert narcissist pretends to be I don’t know a victim of narcissistic abuse or when he pretends to be empathic or when he pretends to be kind and nice and compassionate and helpful and even when the covert plays a um play acts adopts a role that is divorced from reality the reality of who he is even then it devolves very fast into a loner position even when the covert narcissist becomes a cult leader there’s only one cult leader the members of The Cult are injects they’re extensions they don’t the covert narcissist pretends to be I don’t know a victim of narcissistic abuse or when he pretends to be empathic or when he pretends to be kind and nice and compassionate and helpful and even when the covert plays a um play acts adopts a role that is divorced from reality the reality of who he is even then it devolves very fast into a loner position even when the covert narcissist becomes a cult leader there’s only one cult leader the members of The Cult are injects they’re extensions they don’t
40. 30:55 really exist even when the covert narcissis becomes um politician he aspires to work alone and to be Su genis to be a unique case covert narcissists are really bad at working with other people because it triggers their insecurities their their self-doubts their sense of inferiority they become envious then they destroy everything they’re very self-defeating and self-destructed and of course the malignant compensation for this is grandiosity so ironically covert narcissist although their grandiosity is really exist even when the covert narcissis becomes um politician he aspires to work alone and to be Su genis to be a unique case covert narcissists are really bad at working with other people because it triggers their insecurities their their self-doubts their sense of inferiority they become envious then they destroy everything they’re very self-defeating and self-destructed and of course the malignant compensation for this is grandiosity so ironically covert narcissist although their grandiosity is
41. 31:33 nonexpressed is not manifested is unobservable is not ostentatious is hidden is latent and covert narcissist are very good a deceiving people by pretending to be humble this is known as pseudo humility in clinical terms they play humble um but actually the grandiosity of covert narcissists far exceeds the grandiosity of the overt grandio narcissist and that’s the irony the covert narcissist needs to Triple quadruple and Quant Tuple his grandiosity just in order to compensate for the gaping hole that is left in him nonexpressed is not manifested is unobservable is not ostentatious is hidden is latent and covert narcissist are very good a deceiving people by pretending to be humble this is known as pseudo humility in clinical terms they play humble um but actually the grandiosity of covert narcissists far exceeds the grandiosity of the overt grandio narcissist and that’s the irony the covert narcissist needs to Triple quadruple and Quant Tuple his grandiosity just in order to compensate for the gaping hole that is left in him
42. 32:21 by constant collapse and failure and defeat and the admonitions and injunctions of the bad object so while the overt grandio nissis grandiosity is a cognitive distortion the covert narcissist grandiosity is actually a malignant compensation and in this sense the covert narcissist grandiosity is identical to the grandiosity of the psychopath because Psychopaths also have grandiosity grandiosity is not unique to naris by the way it’s a common mistake online where people confuse grandiosity with by constant collapse and failure and defeat and the admonitions and injunctions of the bad object so while the overt grandio nissis grandiosity is a cognitive distortion the covert narcissist grandiosity is actually a malignant compensation and in this sense the covert narcissist grandiosity is identical to the grandiosity of the psychopath because Psychopaths also have grandiosity grandiosity is not unique to naris by the way it’s a common mistake online where people confuse grandiosity with
43. 33:03 narcissism so I’ve heard self-styled experts say that all psychopaths are narcissist which is complete unmitigated utter ignorant shockingly ignorant nonsense all psycho most psychopaths are grandio all narcissists are grandio but grandiosity is a common denominator it doesn’t mean that they are one and the same same goes for covert ISM but in covert narcissism the grandiosity is so outlandish so all consuming so fantastic so aggressive so demanding so shocking so um I would say surrealistic that the narcissism so I’ve heard self-styled experts say that all psychopaths are narcissist which is complete unmitigated utter ignorant shockingly ignorant nonsense all psycho most psychopaths are grandio all narcissists are grandio but grandiosity is a common denominator it doesn’t mean that they are one and the same same goes for covert ISM but in covert narcissism the grandiosity is so outlandish so all consuming so fantastic so aggressive so demanding so shocking so um I would say surrealistic that the
44. 33:45 covert narcissist grandiosity is very reminiscent of the Psychopaths grandiosity the next part of the table Cooper and akar’s table of covert narcissism the next part is ethics standards and ideals they say that the covert narcissist possesses a Readiness to shift values in order to gain favor pathological lying materialistic lifestyle delinquent Tendencies inordinate ethnic and moral relativism irreverence toward Authority in again coming to the same conclusion this is a perfect description of the covert narcissist grandiosity is very reminiscent of the Psychopaths grandiosity the next part of the table Cooper and akar’s table of covert narcissism the next part is ethics standards and ideals they say that the covert narcissist possesses a Readiness to shift values in order to gain favor pathological lying materialistic lifestyle delinquent Tendencies inordinate ethnic and moral relativism irreverence toward Authority in again coming to the same conclusion this is a perfect description of the
45. 34:28 psychopath this is exactly what a psychopath is so it would seem that Cooper and akara describing the malignant compensation of the covert narcissist this is how the covert narcissist compensates for his innate insecurity uncertainty doubt fears anxiety um sense of being less than good less than sufficient inadequate failure and so on so forth he compensat for this by actually becoming a primary psychopath so whereas the malignant transformation of the ordinary narcissist the classic the covert the psychopath this is exactly what a psychopath is so it would seem that Cooper and akara describing the malignant compensation of the covert narcissist this is how the covert narcissist compensates for his innate insecurity uncertainty doubt fears anxiety um sense of being less than good less than sufficient inadequate failure and so on so forth he compensat for this by actually becoming a primary psychopath so whereas the malignant transformation of the ordinary narcissist the classic the covert the
46. 35:11 overt The grandio Narcissist the malignant transformation has has to do with a combination of sadism and psychopathy but with pronounced narcissistic aspects and traits in the covert narcissist the malignant transform or the malignant compensation is psychopathy coupled with sadism it’s as if the narcissism is suspended because it keeps failing as a compensatory mechanism it’s as if the covert says look here I’ve tried to be a narcissist but I’m not doing this well I keep failing I keep collapsing I don’t overt The grandio Narcissist the malignant transformation has has to do with a combination of sadism and psychopathy but with pronounced narcissistic aspects and traits in the covert narcissist the malignant transform or the malignant compensation is psychopathy coupled with sadism it’s as if the narcissism is suspended because it keeps failing as a compensatory mechanism it’s as if the covert says look here I’ve tried to be a narcissist but I’m not doing this well I keep failing I keep collapsing I don’t
47. 35:51 want to be a narcissist anymore I want to be a psychopath I want to be a sadist so the covert narcissist when his narcissism fails when he collapses transitions to a self self state which is essentially sadistic and Psychopathic in pure terms without narcissism or where the narcissism is not a main component not a major component let me summarize this for you because it’s a very important clinical distinction the ordinary classical run-of thee meal overt grandio narcissis develop de some of them want to be a narcissist anymore I want to be a psychopath I want to be a sadist so the covert narcissist when his narcissism fails when he collapses transitions to a self self state which is essentially sadistic and Psychopathic in pure terms without narcissism or where the narcissism is not a main component not a major component let me summarize this for you because it’s a very important clinical distinction the ordinary classical run-of thee meal overt grandio narcissis develop de some of them
48. 36:35 develop malignancy and then they become narcissist who are also Psychopaths and sades the narcissism is very very dominant the psychopathy is at the surface of narcissism the sadism is a way to extract sadistic Supply which is a form of narcissistic Supply it’s all about narcissism the overt grandio narcissist does not cease to be a narcissist when he becomes malignant on the very contrary his malignancy emphasizes his narcissism this is the overt the the overt the covert narcissist is exactly the opposite the develop malignancy and then they become narcissist who are also Psychopaths and sades the narcissism is very very dominant the psychopathy is at the surface of narcissism the sadism is a way to extract sadistic Supply which is a form of narcissistic Supply it’s all about narcissism the overt grandio narcissist does not cease to be a narcissist when he becomes malignant on the very contrary his malignancy emphasizes his narcissism this is the overt the the overt the covert narcissist is exactly the opposite the
49. 37:17 covert narcissist discards his narcissism because his narcissism has failed led him to constant pain and collapse and S recrimination and humiliation he doesn’t want to be a narciss anymore it’s not working instead he’s transitioning to a self- state of psychopathy pure psychopathy and sadism pure sadism so the covert narcissist spends a lot of time as a narcissist and some time as a pure primary psychopath who is also a and this is the dichotomy of the covert narcissist this is what we don’t see in overt narcissism covert narcissist discards his narcissism because his narcissism has failed led him to constant pain and collapse and S recrimination and humiliation he doesn’t want to be a narciss anymore it’s not working instead he’s transitioning to a self- state of psychopathy pure psychopathy and sadism pure sadism so the covert narcissist spends a lot of time as a narcissist and some time as a pure primary psychopath who is also a and this is the dichotomy of the covert narcissist this is what we don’t see in overt narcissism
50. 38:09 the overt narcissist is always a narcissist the overt narcissist is a narcissist when he’s a psychopath the overt narcissist is a narcissist when he’s a sadist but the covert narcissist is not a narcissist when he’s a psychopath he’s not a narcissist not primarily when he’s a sadist and this is a very important distinction What about love and sexuality according to Oar and Cooper the covert narcissist has an inability to remain in love an impaired capacity for viewing the Romantic partner as a the overt narcissist is always a narcissist the overt narcissist is a narcissist when he’s a psychopath the overt narcissist is a narcissist when he’s a sadist but the covert narcissist is not a narcissist when he’s a psychopath he’s not a narcissist not primarily when he’s a sadist and this is a very important distinction What about love and sexuality according to Oar and Cooper the covert narcissist has an inability to remain in love an impaired capacity for viewing the Romantic partner as a
51. 38:44 separate individual with his or her own interests rights and values an inability to genuinely comprehend the incest taboo and occasional sexual perversions the malignant compensation here is psychopathy sadism but above all autoerotism the covert narcissist and this is common also to the overt but common but less pronouns and the frequency is reduced in overt narcissism as in overt narcissism there’s a process called sublimation the sex drive is converted into socially acceptable behaviors and goals and separate individual with his or her own interests rights and values an inability to genuinely comprehend the incest taboo and occasional sexual perversions the malignant compensation here is psychopathy sadism but above all autoerotism the covert narcissist and this is common also to the overt but common but less pronouns and the frequency is reduced in overt narcissism as in overt narcissism there’s a process called sublimation the sex drive is converted into socially acceptable behaviors and goals and
52. 39:26 accomplishments the covert narcissist is unable to accomplish anything unable to realize anything it’s a true loser and failure and so the covert narcissist when the covert narcissist tries to convert his emotions erotic emotions romantic emotions um sexual drive when he tries to convert them he doesn’t convert them into socially acceptable goals because he’s unable to accomplish goals the nissis converts them into autoerotism autoerotism means the covert narcissist regards himself or herself as accomplishments the covert narcissist is unable to accomplish anything unable to realize anything it’s a true loser and failure and so the covert narcissist when the covert narcissist tries to convert his emotions erotic emotions romantic emotions um sexual drive when he tries to convert them he doesn’t convert them into socially acceptable goals because he’s unable to accomplish goals the nissis converts them into autoerotism autoerotism means the covert narcissist regards himself or herself as
53. 40:09 the sexual object the covert narcissist is attracted sexually to himself the covert narcissist arouses himself by looking at his body touching his body and so on so forth but he does this by sadistically humiliating and degrading willing consenting partners for example submissive Partners so the sadism here is at the service of autoerotism it’s a sexual sadis and this is coupled with psychopathy in the sense that the covert narcissist would not hesitate to pray on vulnerable people in order to convert them or to use them as the sexual object the covert narcissist is attracted sexually to himself the covert narcissist arouses himself by looking at his body touching his body and so on so forth but he does this by sadistically humiliating and degrading willing consenting partners for example submissive Partners so the sadism here is at the service of autoerotism it’s a sexual sadis and this is coupled with psychopathy in the sense that the covert narcissist would not hesitate to pray on vulnerable people in order to convert them or to use them as
54. 40:58 submissive allbe it willing and consenting fully Partners so as to uphold is autoerotism again the solutions are very different here when the overt narcissist becomes malignant his sexuality is other directed it may be a sexuality that we would find abhorent or unacceptable for example extreme types of king of or sad Mao or whatever but it would still be other directed it would be autoerotic but it would be um collaborative shall we say while the covert narcissist unable to convert sex love into socially submissive allbe it willing and consenting fully Partners so as to uphold is autoerotism again the solutions are very different here when the overt narcissist becomes malignant his sexuality is other directed it may be a sexuality that we would find abhorent or unacceptable for example extreme types of king of or sad Mao or whatever but it would still be other directed it would be autoerotic but it would be um collaborative shall we say while the covert narcissist unable to convert sex love into socially
55. 41:54 acceptable modes what he would do he would pray would become a predator and pray on vulnerable potential Partners convert them to the cause of degradation and humiliation and submissiveness thereby satisfying or slaking his sating his own s sadism and this would arouse him sexually in his attraction to himself so the covert narcissist would be attracted would arouse himself by perceiving himself as irresistible through other people through his partner’s gaze through his degraded and humiliated partner’s gaze acceptable modes what he would do he would pray would become a predator and pray on vulnerable potential Partners convert them to the cause of degradation and humiliation and submissiveness thereby satisfying or slaking his sating his own s sadism and this would arouse him sexually in his attraction to himself so the covert narcissist would be attracted would arouse himself by perceiving himself as irresistible through other people through his partner’s gaze through his degraded and humiliated partner’s gaze
56. 42:39 the covert narcissist convinces himself that he is irresistible finds himself irresistible and makes love to himself Auto erotically the humiliation and the degradation of the partner has to be not only consensual but enthusiastic as far as the partner is concerned because of the element of irresistibility C narcissist needs to feel that he is amazing unique top performer irresistible drop that gorgeous un name it and this can be he can obtain this kind of sensation or feeling only if the partner indeed finds the covert narcissist convinces himself that he is irresistible finds himself irresistible and makes love to himself Auto erotically the humiliation and the degradation of the partner has to be not only consensual but enthusiastic as far as the partner is concerned because of the element of irresistibility C narcissist needs to feel that he is amazing unique top performer irresistible drop that gorgeous un name it and this can be he can obtain this kind of sensation or feeling only if the partner indeed finds
57. 43:22 him uh this way or at least communicates this way and finally cognitive style akar and Cooper say that the covert narcissist knowledge is limited to trivia headline intelligence the covert narcissist is forgetful of details especially names impaired in the capacity for learning new skills has a tendency to change meanings of meanings of reality when facing a threat to self-esteem language and speaking are used for regulating self-esteem the malignant compensation in this case is grandiosity grandiosity him uh this way or at least communicates this way and finally cognitive style akar and Cooper say that the covert narcissist knowledge is limited to trivia headline intelligence the covert narcissist is forgetful of details especially names impaired in the capacity for learning new skills has a tendency to change meanings of meanings of reality when facing a threat to self-esteem language and speaking are used for regulating self-esteem the malignant compensation in this case is grandiosity grandiosity
58. 44:03 and but it is grandiosity that is coupled with kind of intellectual laziness if you wish entitlement covert narcissist because his grandiosity is much bigger than the overt narcissist albe it never expressed his entitlement is much bigger the covert narcissist appears to be lazy or indolent appears to be laidback but actually it’s because the covert narcissist believes that he’s entitled to everything in everyone’s attention and and property and reputation and accomplishments and so on and but it is grandiosity that is coupled with kind of intellectual laziness if you wish entitlement covert narcissist because his grandiosity is much bigger than the overt narcissist albe it never expressed his entitlement is much bigger the covert narcissist appears to be lazy or indolent appears to be laidback but actually it’s because the covert narcissist believes that he’s entitled to everything in everyone’s attention and and property and reputation and accomplishments and so on
59. 44:43 without any commensurate effort without any investment without any study without any work this is the malignant compensation for the problems with cognitive style that the covert narcissist possesses in short covert narcissism is a much more complex condition than overt narcissism because covert narcissism is a state of collapse it’s when overt narcissism failed it failed and in this sense covert narcissist are comparable psychodynamically to borderline people with borderline this borderline is also without any commensurate effort without any investment without any study without any work this is the malignant compensation for the problems with cognitive style that the covert narcissist possesses in short covert narcissism is a much more complex condition than overt narcissism because covert narcissism is a state of collapse it’s when overt narcissism failed it failed and in this sense covert narcissist are comparable psychodynamically to borderline people with borderline this borderline is also
60. 45:22 a failure of overt nism the covert borderline compensates for this failure and the feelings of shame that this failure induces it compensates for this for these by becoming a primary psychopath and this gives rise to malignant covert narcissism it’s a primary psychopath who who is also sadistic to a large extent and operates through a variety of defense mechanisms cognitive distortions and and behavioral uh strategies that I’ve described in this video it is time to explore the malignant version malignant variant of a failure of overt nism the covert borderline compensates for this failure and the feelings of shame that this failure induces it compensates for this for these by becoming a primary psychopath and this gives rise to malignant covert narcissism it’s a primary psychopath who who is also sadistic to a large extent and operates through a variety of defense mechanisms cognitive distortions and and behavioral uh strategies that I’ve described in this video it is time to explore the malignant version malignant variant of
61. 46:07 covert narcissism I suspect that it’s much more common among covert narcissist than among overt narcissist we believe that 3% of overt narcissists are also malignant I would not be shocked to find that something like 15 to 20% of covert narcissist are actually malignant and the malignancy of covert narcissism is far far more accentuated and a lot more dangerous to society than the malignancy of the overt narcissist while the overt narcissist malany is socially disruptive hurts people undermines uh situations and projects covert narcissism I suspect that it’s much more common among covert narcissist than among overt narcissist we believe that 3% of overt narcissists are also malignant I would not be shocked to find that something like 15 to 20% of covert narcissist are actually malignant and the malignancy of covert narcissism is far far more accentuated and a lot more dangerous to society than the malignancy of the overt narcissist while the overt narcissist malany is socially disruptive hurts people undermines uh situations and projects
62. 46:52 and so on so forth the covert narcissist malignancy is covert and therefore its reach and its infiltration and its invasiveness is comparable to cancer it’s much bigger it’s aggressively aggressively multiplies and aggressively infiltrates and invades healthy tissue healthy social tissue so even if we were to accept that overt narcissist are actually primary Psychopaths and that the malignant version of overt narcissism is just the addition of sadism we would still have to somehow tackle the fact the indisputable fact and so on so forth the covert narcissist malignancy is covert and therefore its reach and its infiltration and its invasiveness is comparable to cancer it’s much bigger it’s aggressively aggressively multiplies and aggressively infiltrates and invades healthy tissue healthy social tissue so even if we were to accept that overt narcissist are actually primary Psychopaths and that the malignant version of overt narcissism is just the addition of sadism we would still have to somehow tackle the fact the indisputable fact
63. 47:39 that covert narcissis act psychopathically very very often and when they do they’re literally indistinguishable from Psychopaths primary Psychopaths this is a major problem because because you can’t see them coming they’re great at camouflage and disguise as I mentioned sudo humility here and so it’s a topic that bears focus on I think it should be the next hot button Topic in narcissism in the study of naris thank you for listening that covert narcissis act psychopathically very very often and when they do they’re literally indistinguishable from Psychopaths primary Psychopaths this is a major problem because because you can’t see them coming they’re great at camouflage and disguise as I mentioned sudo humility here and so it’s a topic that bears focus on I think it should be the next hot button Topic in narcissism in the study of naris thank you for listening