Do narcissists envy you because you are empathic, loving, caring, generous, kind, nice and generally speaking perfect, blemishless, flawless and angelic?
Do narcissists envy you for this?
I don’t know what it is your own but stop consuming it right now.
Narcissists don’t envy you. Narcissists hold you in disdain and contempt.
And I will explain to you why.
Stop aggrandizing yourself. Stop thinking or convincing yourself that you are somehow special, unique, chosen, selected, irreplaceable because you are not.
As far as a narcissist is concerned, you have always been dispensable, interchangeable, commodified and commoditized like so many grains of rice, indistinguishable from each other.
The narcissist doesn’t envy you, kids and cadets. The narcissist doesn’t choose you for who you are. The narcissist has chosen you for what you could give.
The narcissist is focused on the four S’s, sex, supply, sadistic and narcissistic, services and safety. Your presence, your constant presence at his beck and call.
So who you are doesn’t really matter. What matters is, can you deliver the goods? And if you can, you’re in.
You got the job. You passed the interview.
And then there’s the issue of empathy and emotion and niceness and kindness.
Caring, holding, containing, succor, advice, help, sympathy. All these mean nothing to the narcissist.
Narcissists don’t do empathy. Narcissists don’t do emotions. Narcissists don’t do kind. They don’t do nice. They don’t do generous.
Narcissists don’t do any of these things.
If empathy fell on the narcissist’s head, he wouldn’t be able to identify.
Narcissists have no access to their positive emotions, only to negative ones such as hatred, envy, an anger.
So everything you have to offer to the narcissist is meaningless to him.
That’s what he’s looking for.
He’s looking for your services. He’s looking at least initially for your sex.
Why are you admiring, witnessing his moments of glory, sadistic supply, torturing you, punishing you, putting you in your place, tough love.
And of course, your safety, your inability to exit the relationship, your addiction, your trauma bonding.
This is what the narcissist is looking for and who you are, tall, short, dark, fair, blonde, brunette. Loving, hateful, kind, unkind, nice, obnoxious, empathic, heart of stone.
None of this means anything to the narcissist because the narcissist does not see you. He doesn’t see you. You don’t exist.
Narcissists don’t interact with external objects. They internalize you. They create an avatar, a mental representation of you in their mind. And then they interact with this internal representation, with this internal object to the exclusion of you.
You don’t exist. You’re a nuisance. You’re an annoyance because you keep diverging from the internal object. You keep contradicting the introject. You keep drifting away, your autonomy, personal autonomy, your agency, your independence.
Their irksome, they aggravate the narcissist. They render him recalcitrant and rageful.
You might as well not have existed. You’re just an excuse, a trigger, a provocation.
This is why narcissists often end up in a shared fantasy with borderlines because borderlines are as despotic, as self-centered and as abusive as the narcissist very often.
Yet the narcissist doesn’t care. He ends up with a borderline because the borderline agrees to collude with him in the shared fantasy.
She agrees to play the maternal role or the helpless role. She feigns helplessness and vulnerability and need. Her neediness is a nectar. It’s a kind of narcissistic supply. I can’t live without you. You’re my world.
And so the narcissist doesn’t place a premium on your good qualities because your good qualities are invisible to him.
He’s unable to spot them and detect them. He’s unable to make any use of them.
Your good qualities are useless to the narcissist. They’re an irritation. They’re an itch.
Your good qualities simply stand in the way of the narcissist’s manipulation and the narcissist’s confabulation, narcissist’s fantasy.
Your good qualities render you despicable. You’re weak. You’re dependent. Your love makes you wide open to abuse. You’re weak. You’re weak.
And this is contemptible. It’s worthy of disdain and shunning.
So everything you brag about, look how kind I am, look how generous I am, look how altruistic and giving and charitable and loving and containing and helpful.
Look at the advice I’ve given you last week.
Always is a narcissistic injury in the best case and in the worst case puts you down.
Caused for devaluation.
Because you’re inferior, because you’re needy and you’re dependent and you are slave to your own feelings and emotions.
The way the narcissist is not, is superior to you.
Of course emotions are weaknesses and they deserve contempt and you deserve contempt for having them.
That’s in the best case.
In the worst case the narcissist begins to develop paranoid ideation. The persecutory delusion, he says she doesn’t really love me. Her empathy is fake. Her love is manipulative. Her declarations of eternal devotion and commitment and investment are just intended to take my money or to somehow maneuver me into a position that is goal oriented.
She wants something out of me. Otherwise she wouldn’t have degraded and demeaned herself to admit to loving me.
I’m unlovable. How could she love me?
Either she’s a complete idiot or she’s a mastermind, manipulator, a psychopath.
Emotions are fake, empathy is manipulative.
So you’re the enemy. You’re the enemy. And you cause him a narcissistic injury because when you say I love you, I care for you, I accept you as you are, I embrace you, I continue, I hold you, I’m with you, I’m committed to you, I’m devoted to you, I support you, I have your back.
When you say all these things you’re trying to deceive him.
And do you really think he’s that stupid?
It’s an insult. It’s a narcissistic injury.
He’s not that stupid. He knows that you have ulterior motives, a hidden agenda. He knows that you’re trying to call him, to swindle him.
You have something in mind which is dark and penumbral, something that is evil, malevolent and malicious. It’s a conspiracy theory.
Your empathy and love generate in the narcissist’s mind the conspiracy theory about you, with you as the center.
His paranoia is a kind of grandiose narcissism because he’s not the center of your attention.
But he’s not going to let you win. He’s not going to let you love him. He’s not going to let you empathize with him. He’s not going to open up to you. He’s not going to be as vulnerable, as weak as you pretend to be.
He knows what you have in mind and he’s not going to let you have the upper hand.
So either you’re weak, either you’re weak in a simple tone, in which case you deserve contempt, or you’re fake in manipulative, in which case you deserve a pushback and a punishment.
You can’t win. You can’t win by offering the narcissist your kindness and generosity and niceness and love and empathy and succor. You can’t win because the narcissist does not want to be loved. He equates love with fear and loss and pain.
And because the narcissist considers himself unlovable, so if you do love him, either you are too obtuse and moronic to realize that he is not lovable or you have something pernicious and nefarious in mind for him. And he’s a survivor and he’s going to survive you as well, devaluing and discarding you by the sideways.
