Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Two Ways to Injure a Narcissist: Narcissistic (overt) vs. Self-efficacy (covert) Injury

1. 00:02 five ways to take revenge on a narcissist nine ways to humiliate analysis Beyond reconstruction 471 ways to multiply analysis even when he’s asleep and of course the click bait of all time One Thousand and One ways to make a narcissist cry his eyes out so I want to join the party
2. 00:37 I’m gonna make a clickbait video two ways to injure a narcissist but I’m gonna do it my way because it’s always my way or the highway when I die I want to sing in unison with a great Sinatra in heaven I did it my way and my way is a bit academic founded on literature and
3. 01:06 less of a click bait than most of these videos and for those of you who are wondering who is this guy in a black T-shirt this guy is San vachnid my name is and I’m the author of malignant self-love narcissism Revisited and a former visiting visiting
4. 01:28 professor of Psychology today we’re going to discuss the two types of injuries that narcissists sustain one of them is well known documented in the literature in one of them is my own personal addition to the Lexicon of narcissism and narcissistic abuse it won’t be the
5. 01:51 first edition okay now the covert narcissist self-supply remember the covert of fragile or shy or vulnerable narcissist is a narcissist who is incapable of obtaining narcissistic Supply on his or her own incapable for a variety of reasons constitutionally temperamentally
6. 02:25 personality wise circumstantially you name it for whatever reason this kind of narcissist cannot secure an uninterrupted flow of supply he is not self-efficacious the solution in the case of the covert narcissist is rampant self-supply the covert narcissist is often avoidant
7. 02:51 it is introverted he lurks in the shadows he is behind the scenes he is the Eminence Greece he is the so he could be a puppet master but he is always occult and hidden and so he self-supplies convert narcissist is his own audience with one exception the inverted narcissist teams
8. 03:19 up with an overt grandiose narcissist and kind of uh sucks or feeds of his Supply so she is like a parasite or he’s like a parasite but the vast majority of covert masses is self Supply and they have their own audience now the overt narcissists the grandiose
9. 03:42 the classical narcissists depends on external sources of supply it’s very rare for a grandiose narcissist to self-supply self-supply doesn’t feel good to him so he usually approaches external sources while the covert narcissist is avoidant the overt grandiose narcissist is the
10. 04:06 exact opposite he approaches so approach avoidance repetition compulsion is divided in this case now he approaches these potential sources of supply and then he converts them into sources of supply for example by introducing them into a shared fantasy
11. 04:25 so these are two totally different strategies of self-regulation the covert narcissist self-regulates internally and in this sense in some ways the covert narcissist is more healthy than the overt grandiose narcissist while the grandiose overt narcissist is
12. 04:46 dependent on external sources and so the grandiose of work narcissist has external regulation while the covert narcissist maintains internal regulation question of audience the covert is his own audience while the overt or the grandiose they require an external audience when
13. 05:11 the covert narcissist fails to deceive himself um owing to public shaming he endures narcissistic injury I repeat this these are rules of the game you may even simply write them down when the covert narcissist is unable to deceive himself can’t deceive himself any longer fails to
14. 05:43 deceive himself owing to public shaming and humiliation public exposure public division in that case he endures narcissistic injury when the grandiose or overt narcissist the classical narcissist is unable to deceive himself any longer owing to public exposure shaming the
15. 06:10 region humiliation he endures mortification so the same event where which involves public exposure public humiliation public division the same event the covert narcissist reacts with narcissistic injury which is a relatively mild event psychodynamically speaking
16. 06:36 while the overt narcissist the grandiose narcissist reacts with modification which is a massive massive disintegration of defenses decompensation including the deactivation of the false cells I’ve several videos dedicated to modification so the difference again indicates that
17. 07:03 covert narcissism is a more benign form of narcissism more healthy for because the convert is much less reactive to external triggers such as public humiliation than the overt next when the when the covert narcissist is unable to deceive other people
18. 07:29 so you remember previously I was talking about the capacity to deceive oneself when the covert fails to deceive himself he endures narcissistic injury and when they narcissist fails to deceive himself in induce modification now when the coverage fails to deceive other people
19. 07:52 he endures something which is actually not narcissistic injury and this is why I came up with a new term a new phrase I call it self-efficacy injury so when the coverage fails to deceive other people he endures self-efficacy injury it’s an it’s a sense of
20. 08:17 inability to extract favorable outcomes from the human environment it’s a sense of failure and defeat and being a loser it is not narcissistic injury because in the covert narcissist case this is anyhow how he sees himself so the perception of I’m a loser I’m
21. 08:39 defeated I’m a failure is an injury it’s an injury to his self-efficacy but it’s not a narcissistic injury because it’s ego congruent in other words this is how the covert sees himself in any case I’m a loser da what’s what’s new I know I knew it all along I’m I’m a failure
22. 09:07 I I failed well that’s failure number ten thousand no I keep failing all the time I’m a loser that’s the self-image of the covert narcissist the covert narcissist perceives himself as Superior to other people but at the same time he perceives himself as a failure socially speaking
23. 09:35 so the covert narcissist has a dual self-image one part is aggrandizing and idealizing idealized in one part is
24. 09:50 devalued the covert says internally internally I’m amazing I’m fascinating I’m unique I’m super intelligent I’m a beautiful person and internally I’m a treasure externally though I’m a failure I keep being defeated I don’t know how to do things I don’t know
25. 10:14 how to get along with others so the covert bodola a narcissist is very reminiscent of the borderline it’s a borderline has the same imagery the same imagery I’m good inside I’m dead outside that’s the covert narcissist View and so on when the covert losses
26. 10:34 fails to deceive other people face to convince them for example how special is or how Superior it is he takes it in stride he fully expects and anticipates and predicts failure and defeat it sits well with the devaluative part of his self-image so
27. 10:59 the devaluative part the part of the self-image of the covert narcissist which is negative opposite of inflated deflated that part serves as a protection it’s protective because no matter what happens to the covert narcissist he already knew it’s going to happen he anticipated
28. 11:23 it there’s no surprise there there’s no shock the covert narcissist never experiences external shocks so he is always on the ready and when he fails to convince other people of his grandeur of his superiority and Supremacy and and amazingness when he fails to deceive others
29. 11:46 it’s just narcissistic injury it’s nothing serious it’s just a self-efficacy injury I’m sorry not more specific injury self-efficacy injury it’s just another proof of how incaped incapable and how inadequate and how deficient he is when the when the overt the grandiose narcissist
30. 12:11 endures the same when he for example fails to deceive other people fails to convince him other people of his superiority and Supremacy and when the overt and grandiose narcissist fails to convert other people to become sources of supply fails to pull the wool over people’s
31. 12:35 eyes if he is a con artist fails to integrate himself in structures that he perceives would Elevate him somehow when in short when the overt of the grandiose narcissist experiences failure he at the same time experiences narcissistic injury okay
32. 13:01 let me summarize these four states four conditions covert narcissist when the covert narcissist fails to deceive himself owing to public shaming and humiliation the covert narcissist experiences narcissistic injury when the grandiose narcissist fails to
33. 13:26 deceive himself owing to public streaming and humiliation he experiences mortification when the covert narcissist fails to deceive or convince others of his grandiose inflated self-image he experiences self-efficacy injury a mild injury because he had already anticipated the
34. 13:51 failure when the grandiose narcissist fails to impress or motivate or deceive other people the grandiose narcissist experiences narcissistic injury so the grandiose narcissism is always much worse off than the covert losses because his defenses are much more brittle and rigid
35. 14:15 he is much more much more hyper Vigilant and paranoid and so he is likely to be hurt a lot more mortification in the covert does does happen but for modification to happen in covert narcissism there should be the simultaneous occurrence of both narcissistic injury and
36. 14:40 self-efficacy injury only on these extremely rare cases when the covert narcissist experiences narcissistic injury and self-efficacy and injury only then undergo or go through modification modification in the case of the covert narcissist is an internal event
37. 15:06 not an external one it’s not a public event it’s a private event independent of any witnessing by other people in short in covert narcissism modification is a form of self-shaming self-denegrating the bad object taking over in the case of the overt narcissist of
38. 15:30 the grandiose narcissist modification is always a public event modification critically depends on the presence of witnesses the humiliation has a social dimension in the case of the covert narcissist the humiliation is internal the chastising and castigating and
39. 15:53 critics criticism is self-criticism self-directed it is self humiliation self-shaming self-demeaning self-criticism it’s a kind of harsh inner critic Rick Lodge and this is another distinction between the covert and the overt a crisis and drama and even the anxiety attendant upon
40. 16:25 crises and dramas these are defenses actually in narcissism crisis and drama are tools they’re instruments I could say the same about borderline personality disorder but in borderline personality disorder crisis and drama are the outcomes of this regulation they
41. 16:51 are preceding events psychological events or psychodynamic events crisis and drama in borderline personality disorder can be and often are manipulative they’re intended to secure outcomes and to modify other people’s behaviors but they always follow on the footsteps over previous
42. 17:18 problematic or disordered mental state such as emotional dysregulation mood liability catastrophizing anticipation of rejection humiliation and so on so forth so while in borderline crisis and drama are derivative secondary phenomena simply the external manifestation of
43. 17:42 Behavioral manifestations and expressions of an internal turmoil that’s in borderline in narcissism crisis in drama are tools they are defenses defenses against what against a depressive state The Narcissist in the throes of a narcissistic injury a self-efficacy injury
44. 18:10 a modification the narcissist is prone to depression and in some cases if the trauma is Extreme prone to Suicide there’s a lot of suicidal ideation to defend against this to isolate the narcissist from this extremely dangerous environment internal environment
45. 18:33 The Narcissist generates intentionally deliberately premeditatively he generates crisis and drama by the way I can hear your voices in my head you you have been interjected he and she are interchangeable the gender pronouns are interchangeable okay
46. 18:53 everything I say applies to women as well women narcissists female narcissist or female bottlenecks okay so the narcissist constantly generates crisis and drama while with the borderline crisis and drama are a bit predictable you can foresee them and prepare yourself
47. 19:19 with the narcissist crisis and drama are instrumentalized and weaponized for example narcissists abuse people and they know it’s going to end badly one way or another they know they’re going to be abandoned they’re not they know they’re going to
48. 19:37 be attacked they know they’re going to pay a price for their misbehavior so why do they keep doing this because they need to generate the drama in the crisis and the anxiety even which are the inevitable ineluctable outcomes of such misbehavior narcissistic abuse
49. 19:57 is a drama in crisis generating instrument it is intended first and foremost two reduce the narcissist propensity for depression and in a secondary manner to ultimately mitigate anxiety that’s why the narcissist for example uses narcissistic abuse to test the
50. 20:21 loyalty and the allegiance of his partner that’s why he uses narcissistic abuse to devalue the partner and discard her cystic abuse is an instrument Tool The Narcissist provokes and Engineers crisis intentionally and artificially to mask life-threatening emptiness dysphoria
51. 20:48 anhedonia so it’s a form of distraction on the one-handed a diversion but much more importantly it allows the narcissist to feel alive it keeps it on his toes it endows his life with winning and Direction and purpose it’s an organizing an interpretative
52. 21:14 principle much more than in borderline the crisis and drama in borderline are chaotic they are total mess there’s no Rhyme or Reason in the borderlines crisis and drama it’s very often reasonable funny comic the Borderlands crisis and drama are addressive even violent at times
53. 21:44 but it’s very clear that they are dysregulated the crisis and drama in a borderline is like improv improv improvisation in in theater or in in jazz in music you know it’s not the real thing it’s not it’s not the melody it’s some kind some kind of improvisation on the harmony
54. 22:07 while with the narcissist the drama in the crisis a hardcore they have an edge their sinister they’re terrifying they have the quality of a trap or a snare they’re invasive the all pervasive they are there you the crisis and the drama in the case of the narcissist is
55. 22:33 an external shell an exoskeleton which encompasses in crusts and encapsulates the total space of the shirt fantasy shirt fantasies outer walls perimeter is made of Dramas and crisis all of them provoked by the narcissists of course this dysregulates the partner and
56. 23:01 partners react with their own drama in crisis which is precisely what the narcissist wants if you are busy engineering spawning off and spewing drama in crisis you don’t have time to be depressed you don’t even have time later on to be anxious
57. 23:19 these are anxiolytic and antidepressant steps abuse itself is anxiogenic when you abuse someone you expect retaliation and this enhances your anxiety so abuse initially is angiogenic but it is also an antidepressant because when you abuse you regain control a sense of power and
58. 23:46 you’re too busy to be depressed it’s a survival mode it’s like adrenaline and then later on it becomes the abuse even becoming zeolytic the whole situation becomes anxiolitical because as you are in the throes of fighting for your life there’s no room for anxiety in in depression
59. 24:11 all this what I’ve just said about crisis and drama this is mostly common or more common when the narcissist is deflated deflated when the narcissists is denied narcissistic Supply it’s modified it’s narcissistically injured he reacts narcissus reacts with
60. 24:33 self-aggrandizement self-aggrandizing paranoia and the center of a malign conspiracy or a mythologizing fantasy I’m Invincible I’m omnipotent I’m untouchable these are the two modes of reacting to crisis and drama and in this sense crisis and drama are the precursors
61. 24:59 they enable grandiosity for the narcissist to continue to maintain the fiction that he is Godlike he needs to create crisis in drama when he introduces crisis and drama into his life he then naturally reacts with grandiosity and has grandiosity as I said he becomes paranoid
62. 25:29 paranoia is a form of grandiosity and the center of the world or he develops an even more inflated fantasy of himself I’m untouchable and God like this that so the sequence in the case of a narcissist is routine a pedestrian humdrum life the drab existence of the average Joe
63. 25:58 this pushes The Narcissist into life-threatening depression to avoid this to avoid this imminent dysregulation the narcissist converts transforms his life into a telenovela a soap opera replete with dramas and crises and so on and then he can lie to himself or deceive himself
64. 26:26 convincingly that is the center of momentous events unfolding and unfurling around him is paranoia or that whatever is transpiring will will have proven or will prove he’s grandiosity right he will emerge from the crisis or from the drama strengthened galvanized fortified improved
65. 27:03 stronger or in one word more Divine than he even is foreign