Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Get Parasite Narcissist Out of Your Colonized Mind

1. 00:00 foreign this is a recap of an interview that I gave in October 2021 [Music] the interview is no longer available on my channel don’t ask so when we were all a lot younger here is what I had to say shared fantasy is a form of paracosm paracosm is a kind of an alternative
2. 00:28 reality an alternative universe so sure fantasy is an alternative Universe constructed by The Narcissist who then invites the potential intimate partner or source of Supply to enter this universe and to adhere to its percepts to its tenants to tenants to its
3. 00:48 underlying foundational principles this is only the first step the narcissist is the exact equivalent of a parasite a kind of human tapeworm he infiltrates your mind he takes over and it makes you believe things that are not there it makes you experience
4. 01:11 emotions that are not yours it makes you obey voices that are his we’re going to discuss the intricate mechanisms that the narcissist uses in order to accomplish this goal of hijacking your mind your brain your mental health your ability to resist your functions you
5. 01:36 Outsource yourself to the narcissist even if you’re completely healthy and definitely if you’re a borderline and then the narcissist becomes you my name is sambachni I’m the author of malignant self-love narcissism Revisited and I’m a former visiting professor of psychology
6. 01:59 when I say that you adhere to the shared fantasy it means to accept the paracosm of the shared fantasy is real and when I say it here it also means to subject one’s cognitions and emotions to the exigencies and parameters of the shared fantasy the shared fantasy is a
7. 02:20 mind warping mind or mind-altering experience it’s not just a Disneyland it’s like as if we were buying a ticket to Disneyland and then you could never exit because Disneyland would have become the world and you would have had to accept the reality of Mickey Mouse
8. 02:37 and the fact that there’s a castle on the hill and so on and so forth so you have to reside in the shared fantasy from the moment you were invited in shared fantasies are the way narcissists create dependency in the intimate partner because what they do is idealize the
9. 02:58 intimate partner and then they allow the intimate partner to form emotional attachment with the idealized image so it’s a form of self-love when the intimate partner falls in love with the narcissist he doesn’t fall in love with the narcissist the narcissist is unknowable
10. 03:16 it’s an unknown quantity you can’t fall in love with the unknown so what are you falling in love with the intimate partner doesn’t fall in love with the narcissist it falls in love with his or her idealized image that the narcissist granted you access to narcissist idealizes you
11. 03:35 then lets you be in touch with your idealization and this proves to be irresistible you fall in love with yourself and you fall in love with your idealizer for having given you this experience you will become grateful this is the shirt fantasy
12. 03:53 shared fantasy has two effects which are not often discussed one is what is called Mass psychogenic illness these are clinical terms Mass psychogenic illness is the correct term for shared psychosis or foliage it is a suspension of disbelief the suspension of judgment the ability
13. 04:17 to adopt a wee versus they mentality it’s us against the world there is an adherence to rules of the game within the shared fantasy that are often unrealistic there’s a suspension of reality or a reality impairment reality testing itself is affected and
14. 04:40 all this mess is known as mass psychogenic illness Mass because it affects the narcissist and you this is one effect of the shared factors um the second thing that happens in the shared fantasy and it happens exclusively to the victim is a prolonged grief disorder that’s a
15. 05:04 new disorder that’s been identified about four years ago about 10 percent of people when they emerge from an injurious hurtful relationship they are unable to recover no matter what they are simply unable to recover and recuperate they grieve They Mourn forever
16. 05:24 and this is known as prolonged grief disorder the vast majority of victims of narcissists experience prolonged Reef disorder it’s a very interesting phenomenon in itself but the question is why does this shared fantasy have this power over you why does the shared fantasy generate
17. 05:42 Mass psychosis and prolonged grief what in the shared fantasy does this to you I mean let’s go back to Disneyland when you go to Disneyland when you exit you don’t have a prolonged grief disorder unless of course you’re a Jew the price of the ticket does this to you
18. 06:01 you grieve I’m sorry it’s my anti-semitic jokes so the shared fantasy is a kind of Disneyland what in it causes this shattering life-altering mind-bending effects what’s a distinction in other words what’s the difference between a shared fantasy an additional land fantasy
19. 06:24 the reason of course is that the shared fantasy is actually a trans-like pseudo-hypnotic state Yes you heard me correctly you are induced into a trance-like hypnotic state very similar to the effects of drinking wine the shared fantasy involves a primary
20. 06:47 stage called grooming or love bombing which induces in the victim essentially a trans state or a pseudo-hypnotic state clinically known as a dissociative state in a dissociative State there are several elements there is a shared fantasy which is
21. 07:04 essentially a dissociative State Trans State so the hypnotic State and there’s a lot of forgetting involved it involves depersonalization the victim often feels that it’s not she who is involved but kind of someone else or that she has let go of herself she
22. 07:24 feels estranged from herself she feels alien unknown unfamiliar to herself she’s kind of observing herself from the outside and this is known as depersonalization and there’s also derealization colloquially this is known as gaslighting derealization is when you
23. 07:43 misinterpret reality or you believe that you are misinterpreting reality or you believe that reality is not real and what is real is not reality etc etc this the lines between reality and misconceptions of reality these lines blur and you’re no longer sure what is real
24. 08:01 and what is not there’s a problem with gauging reality and judging reality and so on and so forth gas lighting does this to you so it’s a form of derealization and for or it induces the realization and finally in the shirt fantasy of course it is fantasy it’s a defense
25. 08:17 mechanism the paracos and fantasy is the opposite of reality and the main aim of fantasy is to prevent you from acting in reality on reality and within reality now people confuse fantasy we dream when you dream when you have a Daydream or when you dream about becoming for
26. 08:37 example becoming me um it’s not the same as a fantasy when you dream it’s a practical thing dreaming involves planning a dream is the first step in planning it usually results with some interface with reality it could be a failed interface your dream can fail or
27. 09:03 can break but there’s always an interface with reality via the stage of planning fantasy is the exact opposite the main aim of fantasy is to inhibit action to prevent you from interfacing with reality to keep you captive in a dream like state
28. 09:24 to not allow you to plan because you are denuded deprived of agency and autonomy that’s fantasy not a dream fantasy the paracosm this is a form of dissociation it’s like a bad dream you’re unable to act incapable of moving because of the fantasy you’re not sure that you are
29. 09:48 yourself because of depersonalization you’re not sure that what you’re witnessing is real derealization and you keep forgetting things support all of these together and you’re in a dissociative State and at this point when you are most vulnerable when your
30. 10:03 ability to interact with reality has been disabled to its maximum at this point exactly the abuser strikes it starts a process called in training I was the first to apply the concept of in training to abuse in October 2020 now as early as 2006 Scholars have noted the similarity
31. 10:30 between verbal abuse and for example music they realize that the repetition of words the repetition of phrases induce hypnotic or hypnosis-like states in the mind this has been described in books and articles but no one knew how this is being done until the discovery of entraining
32. 10:55 and training is a concept borrowed from neuroscience it’s when external input such as music has an effect on brain waves so as to create so as to cohere and synchronize the brain waves in a species of several participants in a specific way or form the science of entraining in
33. 11:17 Neuroscience had demonstrated in multiple ways that we can use external input to affect the brains of multiple people to produce coherent cohesive structures cohesive multi-unit activities cohesive brain waves which are identical in multiple people
34. 11:37 so if a group of people is listening to the same music their brain waves will become the same this could easily be described as brainwashing abuser uses in training to brainwash you but what is really in training it’s it involves an external stimulus
35. 12:00 stimulus can be music but it could be verbal abuse if you listen to the abuser when he verbally abuses you it is exactly like music first of all the abuser repeats many sentences again and again and again there’s a lot of repetition going on it’s like a refrain in a song it’s like
36. 12:19 he’s singing the abuse and there’s a refrain and the refrain is this sentence that keeps recurring the second thing is the abuse is never typical speech it’s not a speech Act it’s not like two people talking the abuse is structured it is a kind of mathematical regularity
37. 12:39 it has repeated phrases it resembles music very much and I call it the music of abuse exactly like music abuse and trains the brain abuse mental abuse verbal abuse and train the mind the abuser creates in your brain in your Hardware or wet wear
38. 13:02 specific wave patterns now he doesn’t know what he’s doing most abusers are not neuroscientists but all abusers are predators so in training comes to them naturally these brain patterns in your mind render you a Resonance of the abuser an extension of the abuser your brain
39. 13:28 synchronizes with his brain your brain becomes one with his mind with him the waves in your brain reflect totally the waves in his brain he had penetrated your brain he has taken over in generated waves identical to his brain waves and from that moment you’re
40. 13:47 enmeshed and training leads to enmesement or merger or Fusion in a relationship so this is the second phase in training fantasy dissociation and training and measurement the miniature and master are no longer we no longer exist as an independent
41. 14:06 entity in any meaningful sense of the word it’s a little like hypnotic suggestion in hypnosis as in abuse suggestible people are the core constituency so why do we have an hypnosis um what is the story of post-hypnotic suggestions words you wake up from the hypnosis and I I
42. 14:34 say Brussels and you kill your neighbor which anyway you wanted to kill so it’s the same with within training and abuse the abuser maintains a post-hypnotic control over you he hasn’t trained your brain he has engendered these brain waves and from that moment
43. 14:54 any time he repeats the abusive text the catechism of abuse anytime he does that it generates in your mind exactly these brain waves he replicates them and here’s a kind of post hypnotic control over you and this is entrainment this is scientific facts by the way this
44. 15:13 is not a conspiracy theory it’s not a wild speculation this has been done with music and the I see no difference between music and speech especially structural repetitive speech such as verbal abuse so then at that point when you have become a slave
45. 15:30 it becomes a slave or in computer terms when you’ve become a client of the abusion you are at the abuser’s disposal at this stage the abuser is seeks to transfer self-regulatory functions from you to himself let us recap it’s this is not easy material
46. 15:52 it starts with grooming or love bombing the grooming is intended to induce a dissociative state state which involves Amnesia depersonalization derealization a Fantasy Defense and so on this is called a shared fantasy it’s a little like hypnosis and a lot like trance
47. 16:13 when this happens the abuser starts to entrain you he creates in your mind brain waves which are identical to his brainwaves your brain waves are totally synchronized with his brain waves it’s as if he had exported his brain waves into your brain suppressing your own
48. 16:31 brain waves from that moment you are one mind melded a hive mind you become one by the by the way this has been documented in rock bands there were studies of the brain activities of players in rock bands all their brains generated identical waves when they
49. 16:51 started to play together it is it is as if they had become one mind so you become one mind with the abuser as if you were a rock band but why what for why is this needed wine breaker this is tough material you remember that I said when we were
50. 17:14 all much younger that the abuser wants you to transfer your self-regulatory functions to him and to do that he needs to disable your autonomous brain waves he needs to implant in you like The Manchurian candidates candidate who needs to him he
51. 17:33 needs to implant in you his brainwaves so now your brain is a mere reflection it’s been hijacked it’s been colonized by a parasite it’s an imitation a replica copy of the abuser’s mind his brain so now the abuser takes away from you your regulatory functions
52. 17:54 normally if you’re a more or less healthy person you regulate by yourself this is called self-regulation you regulate your emotions your moods the many regulatory functions taking place every second of the day and what the abuser does he takes these
53. 18:12 regulatory functions away from you he renders you defenseless you don’t have your own wave patterns to protect you against his intrusion it’s like your firewall has been disabled by malware it’s like the abuser had installed the virus or short Trojan in your mind
54. 18:33 a rootkit so now he uses it to transfer regulatory functions from you to himself and he starts to regulate your emotions in your moods and later on your cognitions it takes control it’s like a hostile takeover anyone who has been in an abusive relationship would tell you this that
55. 18:55 the abuser controls their moods the abuser makes them happy makes them unhappy makes them depressed makes them whatever it all comes from the abuser it’s external and this is why we bond with abusers this is trauma bonding abuser does this accomplishes this using a series of
56. 19:14 techniques the first technique is intermittent reinforcement hot and cold I love you I hate you and so on so forth the second is approach avoidance I want to be with you I don’t want to be with you trauma bonding which we have discussed I’ve discussed in other videos
57. 19:33 abuse verbal abuse and so on so using these techniques the end result is that you are an empty shell all your internal regulation has been outsourced to the abuser has been externalized and so you stand there like a zombie or like a robot in a bed B movie horror
58. 19:52 movie sci-fi movie and you are waiting for the abuser to activate the various various modules of your mind it’s like your mind is dormant inactive disabled until the narcissist or the abuser throws on a switch the abuser decides how you’re going to
59. 20:10 feel the abuser decides what your mood is going to be the abuser decides even what you’re going to think and when you have handed control totally to your abuser via the process of shared fantasy dissociative shared fantasy end in training and these twin processes the
60. 20:28 shirt fantasy Indian training had rendered you a tool a machine a device used by the abuser the entrainment in training you means reorganizing your mind and this leads to something that I call emotional artifacts come to it in a minute when the abuser and trains you what he
61. 20:53 does he accesses your mind and he activates certain brain patterns he deactivates other brain waves so he’s reorganizing your mind in a way the minute he does this he generates emotions and cognitions normally
62. 21:16 meddling with the brain playing around with your mind is bound to produce emotional reactions and cognitions thoughts and these are the abusers doing no one can stop this as long as you’re alive you’re gonna emote you’re going to think many people many scholars think
63. 21:35 that emotions are subspecies of cognitions but at any rate you’re going to have emotions you’re going to have cognitions this is Unstoppable not even the abuser can turn this off but what the abuser does having taken over your mind he had rendered your emotions and
64. 21:49 your cognitions not yours but is so we call this non-autonomous cognitions in in non-autonomous emotions we call them I call them artifacts you continue to generate emotions and cognition to continue to experience them as authentic as if they were yours but
65. 22:13 they’re actually not yours they’re induced In You by the abuser so again it’s not intentional it’s just what predators do it’s like a shark the shark doesn’t analyze your blood before he pounces on you sharks that’s what they do Predators that’s what they do abuses that’s what
66. 22:35 they do they take over your mind and they generate artifacts emotions and cognitions that you mistake for yours when they’re not yours from that moment any cognition and emotion you have is actually a reflection of cognitions and emotions of the abuser this the
67. 22:53 abuser has taken over your mind and all the brave pattern the brain patterns and brain waves and so on and so forth in your mind are not yours at all obviously you’re subjectively experience all these as if they wear yours but they’re not so if you are prone to something um
68. 23:17 it will be enhanced by the abuser but very often you will find yourself amazed at you at who you have become you will feel estranged and alien as if it were not you anymore your brain will have become a clone of the abuser’s brain now everything I’m telling you is well
69. 23:39 documented in neuroscience they studied the effect of music as I mentioned and they demonstrated that a single mind can take over a group of Minds via music they demonstrated that if you listen to a waltz your brain will react with the same frequency as the walls
70. 23:58 and actually will become a giant Waltz machine or Waltzing machine a very strange imagery the brain was brain waves will be canceled and the only brainwave remaining the spike is called the spike will be equal to the frequency of the walls that’s why our bodies move when we
71. 24:23 listen to music because we have no other waves only this way and this wave becomes dominant and it moves the body so in the study of entrainment or in training via music there are conclusions conclusive findings that show one that one mind can
72. 24:39 take over other Minds via music and two that music can eliminate all autonomous brainwaves and induce a non-autonomous series of brain waves from the outside music simple Music Awards not verbal abuse verbal abuse abuse is much more potent because it harps on your vulnerabilities
73. 25:06 it reactivates your traumas it’s much stronger than music in many ways the other findings very frightening findings so I think that abuse is worse than music because of the exposure to abuse exposure surface is much bigger how many times do you listen to the same
74. 25:27 song but but the exposure to abuse is much more extensive the surface of the exposure it’s repetitive abuse creates Pathways in the brain physical Pathways neurological Pathways neural pathways and this is how Psychotherapy works as well talk therapy is the same effect on
75. 25:47 the brain the brain is neuroplastic it’s much more neuroplastic than we had known it’s very reactive to sound especially structured sound especially structured Zone which are meaningful and so again I have a video dated October 2020 about in training
76. 26:07 it’s about the neuroscientific findings regarding and training you’re invited to watch this video it’s only 15 minutes I don’t know why and it describes these terrifying findings we are far less independent than we like to think we are far more influenced by outside stimuli
77. 26:24 that we than we have ever imagined it’s absolutely shocking so there is no doubt in my mind that the abuser has a massive impact via in training on the victim’s mind to the point of taking over it but the activity of the Mind continues regardless
78. 26:39 so you continue to generate emotions and you continue to believe that they are yours only they’re not yours anymore cognitions thoughts ideas which you then appropriate and feel that you own but this is a delusion an illusion the ways of the abuser the brain waves
79. 27:01 are reflected in your brain your brain had become a clone you will interpret everything as yours um and to avoid anxiety to avoid dissonance you will stick to it even though the truth is none of it is you anymore abuser is anxious most abusers suffer from anxiety
80. 27:26 including Psychopathic abuses if the abuser is anxious you will become anxious if he’s narcissistic you’ll become narcissistic you’ll begin to mirror the abuse you will become you will become the abuser it’s a process of becoming enmeshment the big studies about foliator Madness
81. 27:47 in two shared psychotic disorder we know that people become clones of each other there is even a study a famous study on the physiological level men women who had been put in the same building they were nursing students their menstruation their period synchronized
82. 28:08 they all had period this on the same day we are synchronization animals we synchronize we’re synchronized beings we we sink into each other we sync with each other we become one in social groups and we always become one we always become a hive we always create colonies
83. 28:33 we called ourselves to be an infinitely more advanced life form than ants obese but the truth is we’re not not on the biological level at least there is a colony element a hive element that we tend to deny and ignore because we live in an individualistic age the
84. 28:55 individual is God the individual is the idol so we never would never admit that we are actually nothing but cogs in the social machine is the object relations scholars in Britain in the 1960s this is not it’s written this is nonsense what we call individual what we call self
85. 29:18 is actually relational it’s the outcome of interactions with numerous other people it’s a Venn diagram the two these two circles yeah we are the common area so it’s ridiculous to claim that we are you know not reacting to outside influencers and so on so forth
86. 29:34 it can happen the emotions that you experience are yours but they’re actually not yours if you’re exposed to an abuser the emotions you’re experiencing of the abusers these are artifacts once a shared fantasy is over you are still faced with the problem because
87. 29:54 the shared fantasy is a dissociative State you simply don’t remember you did not generate working memory or long-term memory memory is the foundation of identity and identity is your bulwark it’s your defense against artifacts against intrusion from the outside
88. 30:12 identity is protected by boundaries identities where I End and You Begin if you don’t have an identity you’re wide open to attack if you don’t have memory you don’t have an identity and this is the first thing then the abuser disables your memory so the disruption to memory in the
89. 30:32 dissociative state creates what we call identity disturbance and then you are not able to resist intrusion by the abuser but even when the abuser is gone you still cannot reconstruct this period adequately there’s no ability to do it because you don’t have memory there’s no memory
90. 30:54 so would that dissociative State increase during periods of abuse would Are we more likely to forget abuse you’re likely to forget anything the abuser would like you to forget sometimes the abuser wants you to not forget the abuse he wants to teach you a
91. 31:12 lesson kind of condition sometimes he wants you to forget the abuse because he’s in love in a love bombing stage or a grooming state the abuser decides not you so it is the abuser who is a decision maker the abuse abuses control is total there have been studies about in
92. 31:31 training where we were able to reconstruct a musical piece from the EEG wave patterns of the brain one of our researchers constructed a Mozart piece just by being given the AEG the printed EEG so now what is a musical piece a musical piece is many voids there’s many empty
93. 31:51 spaces so musical pieces are kind of simulation of memory and dissociation nothing now consider the abuser’s music the abuser’s music has empty moments with no sound silent treatment for example in moments with sound but verbal abuse but the abuser decides
94. 32:16 whether this particular beat of music the music of his abuse is Mozart or back or Deep Purple it is the abuses Soul Decision and choice so the abuser directs your dissociation your dissociation is directional so this is producing a movie of some kind the typical reaction
95. 32:40 uh is very complex and what happens after the shirt fantasy is over is even more complex
96. 32:53 you know I’ve been thinking I do it from time to time it’s interesting that um abuse is a musical element you know you remember the myth of Narcissus narcissus partner was eco Eco simply echoed echoed whatever he said so there was no scissors and there was
97. 33:21 Echo who echoed everything he said and that’s a perfect metaphor for brain entrainment don’t you think I think the repetition element is critical in both music and in verbal abuse and I think abuse is a form of music so you can be made to feel love and
98. 33:41 Obsession that you don’t genuinely feel it’s an artifact it’s a kind of projection you experience these as yours of course it’s inconceivable to you that you might be might have been hijacked or snatched it’s inconceivable to you you still maintain the core of I am so you would
99. 34:03 take ownership of these intrusive thoughts and emotions think of it as a virus when the virus enters the body it penetrates a healthy cell now the healthy cell doesn’t say excuse me you’re a virus get out of here we don’t tolerate immigration no the healthy cell accepts the virus
100. 34:22 and begins to copy the virus replicate it the healthy cell replicates the virus it becomes a machine for copying the virus because the healthy cell doesn’t make a distinction between itself and the virus the healthy cells say the healthy cell says if you are here then
101. 34:38 you must be me you must be me because you’re made of DNA you’re made of RNA so you must be mean that’s not the explanation I mean you’re here surely it’s me so I’m going to copy you many people many victims describe to you this sense of inner battle
102. 35:00 a Civil War as if they’re fighting themselves somehow they feel torn they feel ego incongruent they feel like they’re falling apart they feel they feel you know as if there’s a schism to bring and they don’t understand why but actually they are at war with an invader
103. 35:22 the fighting of an invasion they’re battling a pathogen coming from the inside implanted in them by the abuser again with the example of the virus the cell sees a package of DNA or RNA coming its way and it’s a virus and so the cell says wait a minute RNA is what I typically do
104. 35:44 like emotions is what I typically do yeah so the cell says okay RNA is what I typically do so I’m going to do it I’m going to begin to copy the RNA but this particular RNA is the virus so it’s a mistake the cell is making a mistake and when you say these are my
105. 36:03 emotions you’re making the same mistake you say emotions is what I typically do so if I feel emotions they must be mine and I’m going to own these emotions I’m going to adopt them I’m going to act accordingly even when the abuser is gone this self-deception continues
106. 36:22 because you don’t have memory you don’t have the glue that holds your identity together it’s gone for that period of abuse so you don’t have any firewall you don’t have a way to fight back these emotions to tag them as alien not you they linger they linger because you
107. 36:41 don’t have memories of being you they have been eradicated wiped off the Blackboard during this period you don’t have memory during this period of your relationship the shared fantasy your relationship with the abuser you don’t recall being you
108. 37:00 you have memories of being the abuser but not memories of being you even when you think that you have memories of being you these are actually memories of being the abuser it’s pretty shocking but we are beginning in Clinical Psychology we’re beginning to accept this
109. 37:16 like programming cult programming in a way so this prolonged grief a disorder because you mourn two things you mourn the self-love that you had experienced because the narcissist allowed you to experience it allowed you to experience true self-love of an
110. 37:35 idealized you you fell in love with this idealized image that the narcissist has created of you you fell in love with yourself through his gaze and it proved to be irresistible and addictive so you mourn this but even more importantly you mourn the missed time you mourn the Lost
111. 37:52 Time there’s a period the zahayatus there’s a Lacuna this vacuum where you should have been and you are not it is a years-long vacuum in long-term relationships with abusers but in this period in your time with the abuser in your involvement in the shared fund during
112. 38:15 your involvement in shared fantasy you did not really exist in any meaningful sense of the word the abuser has taken over he had supplanted you substituted for you you became a clone you did not really exist you you lack functional memory because there’s
113. 38:31 nothing to remember of your own you felt very often that you behave in ways which are alien to you and this process is called estrangement you felt they realized very often you were not sure what is reality what’s true what’s not what’s going on what
114. 38:49 in the Fantastic space is is is you know can be relied on this time is lost totally lost and when you come to when you recover it’s like you’ve been in in a coma a vegetative state imagine you’ve been in a coma for 10 years and you wake up you will surely
115. 39:08 more on these 10 Lost Years but in coma at least no one takes over your mind and here the abuser does I have several videos on how to distinguish interjects internal voices how to do the work of telling which voices are genuinely authentically yours
116. 39:26 and which are important of fake or false and which emotions are yours which are artifacts and I have other videos about how you need to separate and other videos about how you need to individuate search the channel don’t be lazy the second issue is memory recovery to
117. 39:46 recover your memory is crucial to Healing that’s why we have so many scholars working on false memories abuse memory memory is crucial one of the main reasons therapists are trying to kind of recover or retrieve childhood sexual abuse memories is that the main problem
118. 40:02 with abuse is the ruination of memory the undermining of it trauma is about memory trauma is dissociative by definition even complex trauma is dissociated by definition indeed one of the main criteria of borderline personality disorder is dissociation in the distance
119. 40:22 Judith Hermann the mother of complex trauma complex post-traumatic stress disorder Judy Hermann once borderline personality disorder to be abolished completely is a diagnosis she says what is this nonsense it’s all complex trauma with emotional dysregulation and she’s
120. 40:40 right I fully agree with her and to remind you this is a recap of an interview given in October 2021 yes all these conditions narcissism you know borderline they’re all forms of complex trauma they all involve massive disruptions to continuity and congruence of memory
121. 41:02 this is what the abuser is doing to you and so you can’t recover because you cannot retrieve your memories after you have retrieved your memories you can then form connective tissue you can form yourself in a way or reform yourself you need to remember
122. 41:22 you need to remember an ironically hypnosis is one of the ways having formed or reformed yourself you can get acquainted with yourself then you’re able to tell which voices are real and which are not but you have to do this work you have to remember you have to
123. 41:39 separate you have to individuate without any of these three elements in the absence of any of these three elements forget about it you can never heal you need to reconstitute your self memory separation individuation so the job is distinguishing between what are your
124. 42:02 authentic real you interjects his or her interjects the abusers and then coming back to yourself and trying to recover your memories the memories During the period of abuse where you were not present the memories that you must must somehow rebuild um
125. 42:22 we do this with sexual abuse in dissociative identity disorder this is done regularly and we need to extend this kind of work to all types of abuse because they all involve massive dissociation now there was no understanding of in training and there was a minimization of
126. 42:43 the role of dissociation in trauma post-traumatic conditions in trauma and stress responses and in abuse abusive relationships people I mean scholar practitioners were saying sexual abuse well we understand that we dig sexual abuse it’s an Invasion of the Body
127. 43:05 that’s bad let’s deal with it physical abuse of course violation or physical boundaries of the body we can deal with it but how can we deal with verbal abuse I mean what on Earth is this it’s an invasion of the Mind it’s mind rape it’s in training we are beginning
128. 43:24 to see glimmers of Hope with a new enhanced understanding of for example coercive control and love bombing is a form of abuse
129. 43:41 and training is a New Concept and it takes time it takes time it didn’t exist until recently it shows us that words sounds music they can synchronize brain waves to the point that original autonomous independent brain waves are all but eliminated repressed at least suppressed
130. 44:01 and it’s really disturbing it’s a really sick idea but it encompasses everything all the confusion on the bewildermented abuse victims experience you become unknown to yourself an alien a stranger through this process and just people walk away when from narcissistic abusion
131. 44:24 they say oh my God um they my abuser was so wonderful I was so in love sex was so great I’m obsessed with him you know some victims go through this phase of prolonged grief and they they idealize the abuser and the idealized the time with the abuser
132. 44:47 but these feelings are not yours they’re implants they’re artifacts whenever you idealize the abuser and the period of abuse this is not you ever by the way no one is this self-hating and self-loathing and self-hating and self-loathing are artifacts
133. 45:10 they are voices of other people inside your head which drive you to self-defeat and self-destruction the bed object everything was implanted in your mind in a shared fantasy shirt fantasy could be with your parents could be with a lover could be even in the workplace
134. 45:33 so this is common knowledge in traditional forms of abuse sexual abuse physical abuse but we still have to realize that all abuse all forms of abuse shared the same template apply the same techniques and obtain the same outcomes the same Concepts should be used
135. 46:02 to deal with psychological abuse as with sexual abuse that’s all we need to do the idea of in training is the mechanism how it’s done it’s until now no one understood how it’s done why the dissociation why memory gaps why the estrangement the feeling that you
136. 46:20 are not you but now we understand that in training explains all this the victim would tell you I don’t know what came over me it wasn’t me I don’t know why I did this I it didn’t even feel like me I would have never done this no way so think of the abuser as a parasite a
137. 46:37 parasite who invaded your mind and then colonized it and then subverted it and transformed it into a factory to reproduce his own abuse that’s what parasites do by the way parasites for example in mice they changed the behavior of mice completely they make mice way less
138. 46:57 terrified of cats host behavior and mental health are affected by parasites human beings invaded by parasites become violent or promiscuous parasites have this capacity to alter the mind so that’s what the abuser does it’s a parasite invades your mind it
139. 47:18 colonizes it transforms it and uses it using words instead of tapeworms he uses words what does the abuser want to produce in this Factory you know the virus the virus similarly it’s like a virus the virus uses a cell to produce additional viruses what does the abuser want to
140. 47:39 produce he wants to produce cognitions he wants to produce emotions cognitions and emotions which are conducive to the sustenance and or sustainability of the shared fantasy abuser is focused on maintaining the shared fantasy enhancing its potency applicability
141. 48:02 because it is within the shared fantasy that the abuser controls your regulatory functions the minute you recover your memories the minute to distinguish the fake inauthentic interjects the emotional artifacts from the authentic ones the shirt fantasy crumbles it
142. 48:20 cannot continue the shed fantasy relies critically of dissociation the suspension of a state of self not constellated self so self is a defense against such intrusions it has boundaries it’s a defense against the world it’s where you the boundaries where you end and the
143. 48:41 world begins when the self is under attack when it is suspended or disabled when it’s porous and so on you have borderline you have psychosis The Psychotic person confuses internal objects with external objects because he has no a constellated functional self
144. 49:01 the same with the narcissist he confuses external objects within technologics because he has no ego that’s the irony the narcissist is selfless especially me I’m selfless okay okay that’s not in training I’m just kidding the minute you have a circle which must be constructed on a
145. 49:23 foundation of continuous memory you are not defenseless and helpless anymore the minute you have a cell the dissociation is gone the shirt fantasy is doomed it cannot be sustained another direction is to regard trauma as a language a language element this
146. 49:43 actually we use trauma to make sense of the world and to organize it this is why so many people are wedded religiously wedded to their trauma they refuse to let go of the trauma never mind what you do that also explains trauma bonding they’re invested
147. 49:58 emotionally in the trauma they love the trauma they sleep with the trauma and wake up with the trauma because the trauma is their language they explain the world to themselves through the trauma they organize the universe and imbue it with meaning via
148. 50:14 the trauma take away the trauma and you render the world instantly meaningless and terrifying frightening hostile inexplicable to them the trauma is a language so there are this so there is dissociation right and we react to trauma with dissociation
149. 50:37 and we begin to distinguish between total dissociation and what we call permeable dissociative partitions partial dissociation so for example self-states that trade some information but not all the information there will be a common repository of information shared by all the
150. 50:54 self-states but they will be proprietary information specific to the self-states alone an example is osdd a form of dissociative identity disorder so coming back to trauma the dissociation helps actually to perpetuate the trauma to maintain it
151. 51:16 buried in the unconscious admittedly but never eradicated always there that’s why dissociation is bad for you it’s protective it’s positively adaptive but it needs to to be rid of you need to develop memory if you want to reverse or eliminate the trauma and become you again heal
152. 51:39 ing is about becoming you the best definition of healing I know is becoming you again not becoming great again that’s narcissistic becoming you okay so it explains many things so different sub States are dissociatively permeable they share common information
153. 52:05 and there are different levels of permeability between different states because of particular protection and self-image perceptual filters don’t forget that the concept of self came into being when the atomic theory was at its height so like the atom the
154. 52:19 indivisible particle there was a self self is the atom of the person it’s indivisible part of every human being and every generation is influence by the mores and the myths and the narratives of that period psyche the soul used to be compared to a
155. 52:35 typewriter believe it or not there was a high tech of the time now it’s compared to a computer and in the future it will be compared to artificial intelligence because that’s what we have what else can we compare it to computers artificial intelligence we
156. 52:49 shouldn’t take these comparisons too seriously humans are fluid they recombine all the time and that’s the great hope for victims of trauma in the shared fantasy even memory is very very protein it’s created on the fly every try every time you try to
157. 53:10 remember something you reconstruct the memory from zero from scratch you take something from there something from here and and you put some emotions and you put all of them together and you reconstruct a memory that you convince yourself it’s true it’s a form of
158. 53:24 confabulation all memories of fiction right you heard me right all memories of fiction well over 90 of memories have never happened never happen the way you think they’ve had they had happened close to 50 never happened at all all memories of fiction and
159. 53:43 you know I refer you to work by Elizabeth Loftus but that’s very early work that the current Works recent works the supporters so if memory is is a fiction not not totally of course not entirely but it’s a big part of it is fiction or in other in other words if memory if you
160. 54:01 control memory if you can assemble memory it will on the one hand and on the other hand you can fight off dissociation so as to release the trauma in a way to re-experience it and Purge it Purge it from your system cleanse your system well this good news that’s good news and um
161. 54:31 following this interview which is no longer no longer available on my channel I created videos about each of each and every one of these stages regaining your authentic interjects authentic voices and thereby your memory separating and individuating don’t become a William
162. 54:51 don’t adopt new speak you know don’t say fiction is the truth learn to stick to authenticity and reality it is only these are only defenses against disintegration and Madness