A rental department in Budapest is even more rare than an intelligent YouTuber.

It seems that I’m going to be stuck in Israel for much longer than I’ve anticipated.

I actually just gave an interview to an Israeli YouTube channel and it’s going to be posted on my own channel, Tridix on now.

So here we are, wherever we are.

I’m waiting for my Hungarian exit and I’ll try to do my best in my old venerated homeland of the state of Israel.

Okay, Shoshanim, which by the way is a Hebrew word.

Okay, Shoshanim, today we’re going to discuss a test, a simple test to tell you whether someone is a full-fledged narcissist, can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder or whether he’s merely narcissistic.

Now Len Sperry made the distinction between narcissistic style, narcissistic disorder, Theodore Millon adopted this distinction and generally speaking narcissism, pathological narcissism is of course a spectrum.

Not every a-hole and jerk and ex-husband is a narcissist or ex-wife for that matter.

So how can we tell if someone is here to stay as a narcissist or if it’s just a phase or something bad?

So the next video I’m going to post is about late onset transient narcissism, the kind of narcissism that is induced by environmental cues and by substance abuse.

But right now, let’s focus on the test and I call it the three R’s test.

R like the letter R, the three R’s test, remorse, remediation and restoration.

Now to qualify, remorse has to be expressed repeatedly. It must be genuine and heartfelt. It should entail a modicum of sacrifice, embarrassment, inconvenience and public disclosure and exposure.

Regretting one’s misdeeds in public is much more convincing than sending a private text or whispering sorry anonymously.

Sorry Mortis has to be ostentatious.

This is the first test, a full fledged narcissist would render his or her fake, feigned remorse private and fleeting.

And if you challenge that remorse or that expression of remorse, then narcissist will become aggressive.

Someone who is not a full fledged narcissist, albeit may have narcissistic traits but cannot be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and definitely healthy people, normal people, their remorse is long lasting and they are not ashamed to express it in front of others.

This is test number one, R number one.

R two, remediation.

Remediation requires making amends, offering reparations. Reparations which are commensurate with the offending acts, reparations that bear some symbolic relation to them and are proportional.

And so financial abuse, for example, can be absorbed only with the aid of monetary compensation that corresponds to the damage done and suffered.

Remediation.

And a typical narcissist would minimize his wrongdoing and therefore offer the kind of remediation which is ineffective.

Even I would say insulting.

If at all, many narcissists would deny any wrongdoing and would just not offer remediation.

On the very contrary, they would pose as victims.

If you want to tell the difference between someone who is a full fledged narcissist and someone who is not, remediation and remorse are key issues.

Long lasting publicly expressed remorse coupled with an offer of compensation, reparation, what the Germans call gutmakl, making it good again.

And finally, restoration.

The third R.

Restoration involves affording one’s victims the opportunity for closure, if not forgiveness, so that they can move on with their lives.

Now in many court processes and judicial processes, there’s something called victim impact statement.

The aim is to provide closure. The victim, if alive, can make the statement or members of the family of the victim.

And so restoration, giving the victim the opportunity to go through the abuse, understand it more deeply and if possible, forgive and move on.

Most narcissists, if not all narcissists, people who are full fledged narcissists would never give you closure, would never allow you to process the abuse. Would never collude, collaborate with you, I’m sorry, in providing restoration. They would deny the abuse or cast themselves as victims. All other people usually would listen to you and perfectly and try to put themselves in your shoes and offer you a modicum of solace and support and help and so on and so forth, even if you accuse them of doing something.

So these are the three R’s, true narcissists and true psychopaths.

They fail the three R’s test at every turn.

Their remorse is feigned. They provide little or no recompense and they never put themselves at the victim’s disposal and in her shoes in order to allow her to achieve what she needs most.

To measure a restored sense of justice and the ability to trust again.

What are you doing here? Why aren’t you going out to socialize, to have one night stands, to drink yourself to oblivion in obscure bars and pubs whose names you will not remember the next morning? Why don’t you play video games for an average of four and a half hours a day, latest data? Why don’t you, I don’t know, watch reruns, stuff yourself with popcorn?

Ah, there’s a pandemic out there. That’s the reason.

Well, in this case, lovely people. I’m the next best option.

And today I’m going to discuss two instruments, two tools.

They are very rough and tumble. They’re very rule of thumb heuristics. They’re not tested. They’re not peer reviewed. They’re not vetted.

But they rely on a database of 1,791 people diagnosed by mental health practitioners, not by their spouses and angry children diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and their family members, a total of several million data points.

So using the most rigorous statistical methods, I keep analyzing this database, which I’ve accumulated over the past 23 years. And I keep coming up with surprising answers. And based on these surprising answers, I am now trying to construct a series of tools, psychological tests and other tools with internal validation.

In other words, tools that the database itself validates.

Now, of course, the database is flawed. It is self-selecting. It’s not representative. It’s composed only of people with the extreme form of narcissism and their suffering family members. It’s all true.

But still, it’s by far, by far, the largest corpus, the largest body of knowledge about this disorder. Just for you to have a basis for comparison, the biggest tests ever conducted, biggest experiments, biggest studies ever conducted, involved anywhere between 24 and 100 people diagnosed with narcissism. That’s it.

So I think I have what to contribute.

And today I’m going to discuss two rough instruments, raw instruments, that I’m working with, which might be of interest, definitely of interest to narcissists. And of some interest to people who are forced to live or collaborate or work with narcissists, looking from the outside.

So the first tool is what I call the HERS, the heartbreak and recovery scale.

It’s actually a tool to gauge mortification.

You remember mortification and if you don’t, I recommend and advise to search for mortification on my channel.

By the way, my channel, the YouTube channel is searchable. There is a magnifying glass symbol and you can click on it and search the channel for relevant videos. You can search by title, you can search by keyword and so on.

So there are about four, if I recall correctly, videos dedicated to mortification.

Now just to remind you what is mortification.

Mortification is a state of mind of the narcissist induced by an extreme challenge or injury to his self image, the way he sees himself. Or the way he sees himself as a pronounced component of grandiosity.

So that is challenge and undermined in a process of mortification.

But there are also other components.

For example, egosyntony, the narcissist feels good with himself. Some narcissists even convince themselves they are good people.

And so any challenge to the self image and self perception of the narcissist that is sufficiently abrupt, sufficiently strong to penetrate his defenses can cause mortification by forcing the narcissist to see himself as other people see him.

As then he cannot escape. It becomes inescapable, cannot escape himself.

He sees himself as a creep, as a monster, as an abuser, as a bad guy and he can’t cope with it, he can’t tolerate it.

So he decompensates, disintegrates and very often acts out or develops clinical depression, etc.

I discussed all this in the previous videos.

And to remind you, mortification is caused by, in most cases, in romantic relationships, mortification is caused by substituting another man for the narcissist in a new shared fantasy.

This tends to cause mortification and exit from the shared fantasy by the romantic or intimate partner and shifting all the blame and responsibility to the narcissist, especially if such a shift is merited.

These are the three components that lead to what we call external mortification of the narcissist.

And I’ve designed a tool which could tell the narcissist to what extent he’s mortified.

This tool also predicts how long will it take the narcissist to recover from a traumatic breakup or from infidelity by his cherished partner.

This tool also predicts if the narcissist will be able to remain friends with the cherished partner or will try to hoover her or will he go no contact.

And finally, this tool is useful in predicting will the nice narcissist try again, hoovering, aforementioned hoovering, will he try again but seriously, will he try to reestablish the shared fantasy, will he give the intimate partner a second chance at relationship recovery.

So the instrument which I again, I call the instrument heartbreak and recovery scale, health.

The instrument has six questions and each of these questions, you know, you need to answer yes or no.

If it’s a no, it’s a zero.

If it’s a yes, it’s a one.

So the first question is, did what she or he, I’m going to use she, but of course it applies also to male intimate partners or female narcissists.

So in this case, we are talking about female intimate partners or male narcissists, but there is no gender prejudice here. It’s simply for convenience sake.

So the first question is, did what she do come as a shock to you? Or was it predictable, the culmination of a visible evident process?

If the answer is yes, it came as a shock, give yourself one point.

If the answer is no, I saw it coming, give yourself zero.

Number two, question number two, did she humiliate you in the process, especially in public and in front of your peers?

If the answer is yes, one, the answer is no, zero.

Number three, did you react with anger or even rage that just wouldn’t go away even after the event?

Yes or no.

Number four, following the events which led to the mortification.

Were you desperate? Were you in the throes of catastrophizing? Did you say to yourself, I will never find someone to replace her? Or did you have negative automatic thoughts? I’m always failing my relationships. I’m a monster. I made it happen, etc.

Did you have all this?

And this is called internal mortification.

If you had any of these thoughts, give yourself one.

If you didn’t, give yourself zero.

Question number five, in the aftermath, did you experience profound sadness, dysphoria, and did nothing give you pleasure?

You couldn’t find pleasure in anything. It’s called anhedonia.

If you experience dysphoria or depression and nothing gave you pleasure after the event, in the aftermath of the event, give yourself one.

If everything was okay, a week or two or three later, give yourself zero.

And finally, the last question, in the wake of the dissolution of the bond, did you feel excruciating pain, overwhelming romantic jealousy, or pathological envy?

Any of these?

If the answer is yes, one, no zero.

Now, if you scored in this test two to three, it is improbable that you will ever be in touch with that traumatizing person again, with the former intimate partner.

If you scored four, it usually prefaces, predicts, and foresees a new phase of mere friendship or companionship between the two of you, but no re-establishment, no reconstituting the shared fantasy, nor romance.

Just transition to another form of relationship.

And if you scored five or six, this usually would lead to frenzied, although doomed, attempts to restore the relationship to its former romantic self, to reconstitute the shared fantasy.

And I explained why narcissists try to reconstitute the shared fantasy in another video.

They’re trying to replace external mortification with internal mortification or another external mortification.

It’s the only way they can survive.

But at any rate, this tool gives you from an analysis of our, of my database, this tool gives you very, very accurate prediction.

The sensitivity is about 98%, and the specificity is well over 95%.

In other words, prediction is iron-clad.

And I’ll summarize it again.

If you scored two to three, you will never be in touch with me.

If you scored four, after some time, you will make contact, you will try to hoover her, but not as a romantic part, usually as a friend, as a companion friend with benefits.

If you scored five or six, you will be hysterical.

You will be in panic.

You will be driven.

You will be compulsive, trying to reestablish the shared fantasy with her, trying to hoover her, to scoop her back, to brainwash her again, to addict her, to condition her, to be again your intimate romantic partner in order to resolve actually the mortification.

Now the second instrument that I’ve designed, I’ve designed quite a few dozen actually. I’m going to introduce them gradually over time.

The second instrument that I would like to discuss today is what I call the S1-S2 score.

S1 is promiscuity, and S2 is self-efficacy.

Now let me explain what is promiscuity and what is self-efficacy.

Promiscuity is indiscriminately engaging in sex with partners almost regardless of their qualities, traits, behaviors, and profile.

Self-efficacy is the ability to induce beneficial outcomes in the environment and in your life through your efforts.

By exerting yourself, by investing, by working hard, you succeed to obtain results. You succeed to accomplish things.

The more you succeed, the more self-efficacious you are.

You then have agency over your life.

So these are the two parameters, promiscuity and self-efficacy.

When I say promiscuity, I’m referring to someone.

And again, I’m going to use the female pronoun, but it equally applies to the male pronoun.

Right now there are excellent reasons to believe there are equal numbers of narcissists among men and women as opposed to 20 years ago.

Narcissism has risen dramatically. This has been a tsunami wave of narcissism among women.

So I’m going to use the female voice, but it’s just for convenience sake.

Promiscuity is sleeping with multiple partners simultaneously, engaging in group sex, engaging in casual sex habitually as a habit or as the main form of sex, serial cheating on a dedicated intimate partner in a primary relationship.

So for example, cheating on your husband. Group sex with relatives, or sex with relatives, including incest. Sex with age inappropriate partners, very old man, very young.

Casual sex with strangers in unusual impersonal settings. Rape.

Sexual acts and teasing. Sex while drunk or while high or while stoned or while wasted. Habitually again, not as a one off, but as a habit.

And sexting as a habit.

All these things are strong indicators and components, ingredients of promiscuity.

So this is promiscuity.

I found out from analyzing my database that there are five traits of a potential source of supply which rendered the source of supply irresistible to the narcissist.

If the potential source of supply has these five traits in varying degrees, she becomes a natural as a source of supply.