Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Narcissist’s Relationship Cycle Decoded and What To Do About It – Part 3 of 3

1. 00:10 okay we are now in the second part of the seminar organized by baba jura the narcissism coach in budapest beautiful city in hungary and now we move on to the to the second part and the second part is um how to cope when you’re in a relationship with the narcissist the first part we dealt with the psychology of the narcissist and what drives him to be in a relationship with you etoro and the second part will deal with how you can survive this and what you need to do during the relationship and after the relationship okay we are now in the second part of the seminar organized by baba jura the narcissism coach in budapest beautiful city in hungary and now we move on to the to the second part and the second part is um how to cope when you’re in a relationship with the narcissist the first part we dealt with the psychology of the narcissist and what drives him to be in a relationship with you etoro and the second part will deal with how you can survive this and what you need to do during the relationship and after the relationship
2. 01:00 there’s a bit of a change in the seminar this is the first part was automatically terminated by youtube they didn’t think i have anything to contribute so they cut me off i hope they don’t do the same to the to the second part so and then the third part i will be open to answer your questions so the third part will be a chat part i will come online you will write your questions on the chat the right hand of my screen and i will respond to your questions so that’s a bit of a change in the seminar there’s a bit of a change in the seminar this is the first part was automatically terminated by youtube they didn’t think i have anything to contribute so they cut me off i hope they don’t do the same to the to the second part so and then the third part i will be open to answer your questions so the third part will be a chat part i will come online you will write your questions on the chat the right hand of my screen and i will respond to your questions so that’s a bit of a change in the seminar
3. 01:42 um lecture lecture and then questions and answers and that’s because of the exigencies and limitations of youtube regrettably monopolistic platform almost so let’s continue now to the second part and see what you can do about the gnosticism remember we ended the first part by discussing hovering and the reason the narcissist hovers you the narcissist comes back returns to you tries to lure you back into a shared a new shared fantasy or the continuation of the previous fantasy because the narcissist um lecture lecture and then questions and answers and that’s because of the exigencies and limitations of youtube regrettably monopolistic platform almost so let’s continue now to the second part and see what you can do about the gnosticism remember we ended the first part by discussing hovering and the reason the narcissist hovers you the narcissist comes back returns to you tries to lure you back into a shared a new shared fantasy or the continuation of the previous fantasy because the narcissist
4. 02:25 cannot get rid of your idealized internal representation in his mind he can get rid of you externally by devaluing you by discarding you and by replacing with someone else that’s getting rid of the external object but he cannot get rid of your internal object your introject in his mind and so this creates a problem for him he needs to try again with you or with someone else something known as repetition compulsion what can you do to prevent the narcissist from ever getting in touch with you again cannot get rid of your idealized internal representation in his mind he can get rid of you externally by devaluing you by discarding you and by replacing with someone else that’s getting rid of the external object but he cannot get rid of your internal object your introject in his mind and so this creates a problem for him he needs to try again with you or with someone else something known as repetition compulsion what can you do to prevent the narcissist from ever getting in touch with you again
5. 03:05 from ever hovering you attempting to worry some of these attempts border on stalking and harassment and can easily lead to unpleasant or even dangerous situations so many people former intimate partners would like to avoid this now i want you to know something something before we continue the minute you have entered a relationship with the narcissist the rules of the game are over this everything is fair in love war and a relationship with the narcissist you can’t be nice and pleasant and kind and generous from ever hovering you attempting to worry some of these attempts border on stalking and harassment and can easily lead to unpleasant or even dangerous situations so many people former intimate partners would like to avoid this now i want you to know something something before we continue the minute you have entered a relationship with the narcissist the rules of the game are over this everything is fair in love war and a relationship with the narcissist you can’t be nice and pleasant and kind and generous
6. 03:48 and compassionate and considerate and affectionate you can’t be you you can’t be empathic you can’t have pity you can’t have mercy these things don’t work with the narcissist you need to a larger extent become a narcissist in order to get rid of the narcissist and hope that this contagion effect because narcissistic narcissism is contagious hope and pray that this contagion effect will not be everlasting will not change you fundamentally essentially in ways which are irreversible and compassionate and considerate and affectionate you can’t be you you can’t be empathic you can’t have pity you can’t have mercy these things don’t work with the narcissist you need to a larger extent become a narcissist in order to get rid of the narcissist and hope that this contagion effect because narcissistic narcissism is contagious hope and pray that this contagion effect will not be everlasting will not change you fundamentally essentially in ways which are irreversible
7. 04:25 living with the narcissist even just cohabiting with the narcissist let alone having a an intimate relationship with the narcissist is playing with fire it’s a risk so the sooner you extricate yourself the higher the chance that you will not get infected for life like with some kind of epstein-barr virus so to prevent hovering there is only one technique it’s known as narcissistic motification narcissistic modification is when the narcissist when you shame and humiliate the narcissist in public living with the narcissist even just cohabiting with the narcissist let alone having a an intimate relationship with the narcissist is playing with fire it’s a risk so the sooner you extricate yourself the higher the chance that you will not get infected for life like with some kind of epstein-barr virus so to prevent hovering there is only one technique it’s known as narcissistic motification narcissistic modification is when the narcissist when you shame and humiliate the narcissist in public
8. 05:04 in front of people he looks up to or considers useful or significant i’m going to repeat these elements mortification is not narcissistic injury narcissistic injury is when you challenge the narcissist grandiosity and this creates this generates narcissistic rage but it’s self-limiting self-limiting episode the narcissist is hyper-vigilant he is likely to be very angry at you and resentful but ultimately narcissistic injury is short-lived and you move on narcissistic motivation is something in front of people he looks up to or considers useful or significant i’m going to repeat these elements mortification is not narcissistic injury narcissistic injury is when you challenge the narcissist grandiosity and this creates this generates narcissistic rage but it’s self-limiting self-limiting episode the narcissist is hyper-vigilant he is likely to be very angry at you and resentful but ultimately narcissistic injury is short-lived and you move on narcissistic motivation is something
9. 05:46 completely different it is dismantling narcissist defenses immediately abruptly and totally leaving him exposed skinless vulnerable threatening his inner balance his peace of mind driving him deep into suicidal territory in extreme depression and anxiety literally on a dime within minutes the narcissist would never ever want to experience this again so he’s likely to avoid you i repeat the way to obtain way to get to narcissistic modification you must humiliate or shame the narcissist in public completely different it is dismantling narcissist defenses immediately abruptly and totally leaving him exposed skinless vulnerable threatening his inner balance his peace of mind driving him deep into suicidal territory in extreme depression and anxiety literally on a dime within minutes the narcissist would never ever want to experience this again so he’s likely to avoid you i repeat the way to obtain way to get to narcissistic modification you must humiliate or shame the narcissist in public
10. 06:37 in a way that destroys completely his grandiosity two must be in public cannot be in private three it must be done in the presence of witnesses witnesses which are important to the narcissist useful to the nazis sources of supply peers people he looks up to role models people he would like to be to emulate when he grows up etc etc meaningful people significant people if you do this and you do it atrociously enough you’re not gonna never gonna hear from the narcissist again so for example i don’t know in a way that destroys completely his grandiosity two must be in public cannot be in private three it must be done in the presence of witnesses witnesses which are important to the narcissist useful to the nazis sources of supply peers people he looks up to role models people he would like to be to emulate when he grows up etc etc meaningful people significant people if you do this and you do it atrociously enough you’re not gonna never gonna hear from the narcissist again so for example i don’t know
11. 07:24 picking up a guy and going away with him and having sex with him this is extreme modification um the kind of challenging the narcissists undermine the narcissist claims with incontrovertible evidence in public in front of important people that’s narcissistic modification you do that and you will never hear from the narcissist again you will never be overt now there are some of you who for some oblivious reason love the narcissist want to stay in the narcissist life want to keep him so to speak keep him around it’s a form picking up a guy and going away with him and having sex with him this is extreme modification um the kind of challenging the narcissists undermine the narcissist claims with incontrovertible evidence in public in front of important people that’s narcissistic modification you do that and you will never hear from the narcissist again you will never be overt now there are some of you who for some oblivious reason love the narcissist want to stay in the narcissist life want to keep him so to speak keep him around it’s a form
12. 08:08 of addiction of course it is self-destructive it is a form of self-harming if you are a borderline exactly like using a razor or burning yourself with cigarettes choosing a narcissistic intimate partner is absolutely a form of self-mutilation and self-harm i recommend strongly against it i am the father of the non-contact compounded strategy 2027 techniques were described um go to it into it a bit later no contact is the only strategy i recommend not even grey rock nothing only no contact but if you insist of addiction of course it is self-destructive it is a form of self-harming if you are a borderline exactly like using a razor or burning yourself with cigarettes choosing a narcissistic intimate partner is absolutely a form of self-mutilation and self-harm i recommend strongly against it i am the father of the non-contact compounded strategy 2027 techniques were described um go to it into it a bit later no contact is the only strategy i recommend not even grey rock nothing only no contact but if you insist
13. 08:48 and you know the client is always right if you insist to stay with the narcissist there are two opposing strategies which are useful number one you can be like his dead mother those of you who haven’t watched the first part i strongly encourage you to watch it because it provides the context the psychological context of everything i’m saying the narcissist chooses his intimate partner to act as a maternal figure in order to try to reenact to replay an early childhood conflict which prevented him from separating and and you know the client is always right if you insist to stay with the narcissist there are two opposing strategies which are useful number one you can be like his dead mother those of you who haven’t watched the first part i strongly encourage you to watch it because it provides the context the psychological context of everything i’m saying the narcissist chooses his intimate partner to act as a maternal figure in order to try to reenact to replay an early childhood conflict which prevented him from separating and
14. 09:26 individuating from his original mother he wants now to separate from you and become an individual and to do this he needs to devalue you and replace you it’s a way of separating of course so the first strategy if you want to keep him around if you love him if you can’t live without him or you had convinced yourself that you can’t live without him if you’re addicted to his presence his infectious smile his amazing handsomeness yes i’m talking about myself if you’re like that individuating from his original mother he wants now to separate from you and become an individual and to do this he needs to devalue you and replace you it’s a way of separating of course so the first strategy if you want to keep him around if you love him if you can’t live without him or you had convinced yourself that you can’t live without him if you’re addicted to his presence his infectious smile his amazing handsomeness yes i’m talking about myself if you’re like that
15. 09:59 one strategy is be like his dead mother be called rejecting selfish absent unsafe triangulate cheat on him betray be approach avoidant intermittent reinforcement hot and cold there for you gum the next day be fake pretend and let him know that you are b recreate his dead mother this would lead the narcissist to trauma bond with you the same way he had trauma bonded with his biological original mother he would feel compelled to re-enact with you early childhood conflicts of course if you are sufficiently faithful one strategy is be like his dead mother be called rejecting selfish absent unsafe triangulate cheat on him betray be approach avoidant intermittent reinforcement hot and cold there for you gum the next day be fake pretend and let him know that you are b recreate his dead mother this would lead the narcissist to trauma bond with you the same way he had trauma bonded with his biological original mother he would feel compelled to re-enact with you early childhood conflicts of course if you are sufficiently faithful
16. 10:50 to the contours and the characteristics of his original mother this will result in devaluation and discard and replacement he would need to separate from you and try to individuate he would need to dump you that would be a symbolic act of separating from his original mother through you you will have become his original mother so he discards you he devalues you he separates from you but it also guarantees this strategy of acting as a replacement as a substitute for his mother also guarantees hoovering unless to the contours and the characteristics of his original mother this will result in devaluation and discard and replacement he would need to separate from you and try to individuate he would need to dump you that would be a symbolic act of separating from his original mother through you you will have become his original mother so he discards you he devalues you he separates from you but it also guarantees this strategy of acting as a replacement as a substitute for his mother also guarantees hoovering unless
17. 11:33 mortification occurs so if you don’t modify him and you act as this dead mother i mean not dead mother in the physical sense you act as this emotionally unavailable mother if you don’t hoover him and you act as his abusive mother if you don’t motify him i’m sorry and you act as his abusive mother he’s gonna hover you it’s going to be back for sure money back guarantee and i’m not getting paid for this seminar so this is strategy number one very few people can do this mortification occurs so if you don’t modify him and you act as this dead mother i mean not dead mother in the physical sense you act as this emotionally unavailable mother if you don’t hoover him and you act as his abusive mother if you don’t motify him i’m sorry and you act as his abusive mother he’s gonna hover you it’s going to be back for sure money back guarantee and i’m not getting paid for this seminar so this is strategy number one very few people can do this
18. 12:08 it’s not for the faint of heart you need to be cruel rejecting selfish egotistical absent you need to betray him you need to you need to be horrible the same way his original mother had been you need to not let him go you need to subjugate him you need to mummify him you need to suppress him you need to threaten him you need to play mind games with his mind you need to it’s it’s a power play it’s it’s a tough existence but it guarantees that he will never ever live your life permanently he will it’s not for the faint of heart you need to be cruel rejecting selfish egotistical absent you need to betray him you need to you need to be horrible the same way his original mother had been you need to not let him go you need to subjugate him you need to mummify him you need to suppress him you need to threaten him you need to play mind games with his mind you need to it’s it’s a power play it’s it’s a tough existence but it guarantees that he will never ever live your life permanently he will
19. 12:45 always be there he may take a break for a year or two with another girl he’s gonna be back or with another i mean this applies to female narcissists as well so he he or she will be back because the lure of interacting with a mother figure is irresistible so this is the first strategy be his dead mother second strategy be the opposite of his dead mother conform to his snapshot make sure that you are perfect ideal never challenge him never argue never criticize never disagree never deviate from the always be there he may take a break for a year or two with another girl he’s gonna be back or with another i mean this applies to female narcissists as well so he he or she will be back because the lure of interacting with a mother figure is irresistible so this is the first strategy be his dead mother second strategy be the opposite of his dead mother conform to his snapshot make sure that you are perfect ideal never challenge him never argue never criticize never disagree never deviate from the
20. 13:29 snapshot never diverge from the snapshot suspend all your autonomy do not be independent be dependent do not um do not have agency don’t stop seize everything that implies that you are that you are independent don’t have friends avoid friends don’t have a social life cut all contact with your family become utterly dependent on him this also guarantees that he will stay in your life because he is playing remember from the first part he’s playing the mother role as well it’s dual mothering snapshot never diverge from the snapshot suspend all your autonomy do not be independent be dependent do not um do not have agency don’t stop seize everything that implies that you are that you are independent don’t have friends avoid friends don’t have a social life cut all contact with your family become utterly dependent on him this also guarantees that he will stay in your life because he is playing remember from the first part he’s playing the mother role as well it’s dual mothering
21. 14:08 these are the two techniques guroso model in big terms the big picture techniques to keep the narcissist in your life or at least coming back all the time these are not the techniques that i recommend nor do i recommend that you seek the narcissist’s presence in your life as a strategy or as a goal i think there’s a this is so defeating it could drive quite a few people to suicide so i don’t think it’s a good idea at all but some of you are beyond help honestly and you have your own repetition these are the two techniques guroso model in big terms the big picture techniques to keep the narcissist in your life or at least coming back all the time these are not the techniques that i recommend nor do i recommend that you seek the narcissist’s presence in your life as a strategy or as a goal i think there’s a this is so defeating it could drive quite a few people to suicide so i don’t think it’s a good idea at all but some of you are beyond help honestly and you have your own repetition
22. 14:41 compulsion and you keep reverting to narcissistic partners there’s nothing we as a mental health community can do to help you because you you need to tackle much deeper issues such as borderline traits self-harming tendencies and so on what are the strategies that you can safely deploy when you are in the relationship it’s quite a few of them and i i came up with most of them in the mid 1990s except gray rock gray rock is not a my technique but it’s a brilliant a brilliant technique compulsion and you keep reverting to narcissistic partners there’s nothing we as a mental health community can do to help you because you you need to tackle much deeper issues such as borderline traits self-harming tendencies and so on what are the strategies that you can safely deploy when you are in the relationship it’s quite a few of them and i i came up with most of them in the mid 1990s except gray rock gray rock is not a my technique but it’s a brilliant a brilliant technique
23. 15:21 so i’m going to review techniques for survival surviving and prevailing when you are in a relationship with the narcissist and you either don’t want to abandon the narcissist because you see the inner child in the narcissist and you fell in love with it or because it’s financially comfortable to be with the narcissist is a kind of sugar daddy and you’re kind of a gold digger i hope no offense is taken or because um you have common children and you believe erroneously that remaining married with the narcissist so i’m going to review techniques for survival surviving and prevailing when you are in a relationship with the narcissist and you either don’t want to abandon the narcissist because you see the inner child in the narcissist and you fell in love with it or because it’s financially comfortable to be with the narcissist is a kind of sugar daddy and you’re kind of a gold digger i hope no offense is taken or because um you have common children and you believe erroneously that remaining married with the narcissist
24. 15:54 and providing the children with a father figure is a thing to do it’s a serious mistake it’s a serious mistake i would not want any child to have a narcissistic father or mother around better to have a single parent household so many of you convince yourself give yourself good reasons why to stay with the narcissist it’s a psychological defense mechanism known as rationalization if you find yourself trapped financially legally in some countries legally it’s very difficult to divorce and providing the children with a father figure is a thing to do it’s a serious mistake it’s a serious mistake i would not want any child to have a narcissistic father or mother around better to have a single parent household so many of you convince yourself give yourself good reasons why to stay with the narcissist it’s a psychological defense mechanism known as rationalization if you find yourself trapped financially legally in some countries legally it’s very difficult to divorce
25. 16:28 or divorce is socially sanctioned frowned upon by society so there could be quite a few reasons why you can’t simply let go of the narcissist so you’re forced to cohabit with the narcissist or you know even if you’re divorced you have shared custody and too many such situations in life well in this case there’s a series of of coping strategies that you can you can adopt number one is deflection deflection is redirecting the narcissists aggressive impulses and frankly attention toward third parties or divorce is socially sanctioned frowned upon by society so there could be quite a few reasons why you can’t simply let go of the narcissist so you’re forced to cohabit with the narcissist or you know even if you’re divorced you have shared custody and too many such situations in life well in this case there’s a series of of coping strategies that you can you can adopt number one is deflection deflection is redirecting the narcissists aggressive impulses and frankly attention toward third parties
26. 17:08 so you find a common enemy a common cause some institution that you both holding contempt and and decry social activism your mother your mother his sister i don’t know you find someone or something and which you both use as a decoy so that when he starts to be aggressive with you or pay attention to you which is a prelude to aggression in the majority of cases you can redirect his attention to this decoy and and say did you hear what happened today with and that’ll be enough to set him off so you find a common enemy a common cause some institution that you both holding contempt and and decry social activism your mother your mother his sister i don’t know you find someone or something and which you both use as a decoy so that when he starts to be aggressive with you or pay attention to you which is a prelude to aggression in the majority of cases you can redirect his attention to this decoy and and say did you hear what happened today with and that’ll be enough to set him off
27. 17:56 and he will go on a rant against this imaginary or real enemy or so his boss his co-workers um i don’t know find someone or something could be an institution um which the narcissists would find as a more rewarding result um target than you this technique is called deflection the next technique is shirt psychosis or shirt fantasy the narcissist when you enter historic fantasy assigns a role to you clinically it’s called emergent role an emergent rule so he assigns to your role find out what is this role and he will go on a rant against this imaginary or real enemy or so his boss his co-workers um i don’t know find someone or something could be an institution um which the narcissists would find as a more rewarding result um target than you this technique is called deflection the next technique is shirt psychosis or shirt fantasy the narcissist when you enter historic fantasy assigns a role to you clinically it’s called emergent role an emergent rule so he assigns to your role find out what is this role
28. 18:41 does he want you to be sluttish does he expect you to be motherly overtly motherly because psychologically you are his mother even if you don’t act maternally as a maternal figure you’re still his mother but does he want you to be overtly maternal does he expect you to be his business partner does he believe that you could be a power couple does he want you to betray him like judas iscariot does he want you to be a trophy so that he can be seen with you and be proud to be seen with you what it is what is the emergent does he want you to be sluttish does he expect you to be motherly overtly motherly because psychologically you are his mother even if you don’t act maternally as a maternal figure you’re still his mother but does he want you to be overtly maternal does he expect you to be his business partner does he believe that you could be a power couple does he want you to betray him like judas iscariot does he want you to be a trophy so that he can be seen with you and be proud to be seen with you what it is what is the emergent
29. 19:23 role in his shirt fantasy find that out it’s not so difficult you just talk to him you ask him what he wants find that out and to the best of your ability conform to that rule as long as you conform to the role you don’t deviate or diverge from the role too ostensibly or to too ostentatiously i’m sorry you’re likely to remain um on his good books and he’s unlikely to reach the devaluation and discard phase until much later some of these roles are beyond the pale he may want you to have group sex with role in his shirt fantasy find that out it’s not so difficult you just talk to him you ask him what he wants find that out and to the best of your ability conform to that rule as long as you conform to the role you don’t deviate or diverge from the role too ostensibly or to too ostentatiously i’m sorry you’re likely to remain um on his good books and he’s unlikely to reach the devaluation and discard phase until much later some of these roles are beyond the pale he may want you to have group sex with
30. 19:58 his friends for example so unless you are absolutely willing to do that i mean that’s beyond the pale but the vast majority of roles are socially acceptable they’re sublimated they’re socially acceptable and they’re quite easy to fulfill it’s like acting you know method acting consult al pacino act the role in a shared fantasy thereby sustaining the shared fantasy for as long as you can that’s the second strategy the third strategy is to provide narcissistic supply the narcissist’s main goal is his friends for example so unless you are absolutely willing to do that i mean that’s beyond the pale but the vast majority of roles are socially acceptable they’re sublimated they’re socially acceptable and they’re quite easy to fulfill it’s like acting you know method acting consult al pacino act the role in a shared fantasy thereby sustaining the shared fantasy for as long as you can that’s the second strategy the third strategy is to provide narcissistic supply the narcissist’s main goal is
31. 20:32 narcissistic supply his main the sister supply imbues his life the pursuit of narcissistic supply imbues his life with direction with meaning and with purpose it’s an organizing principle and a hermenoitic principle an explanatory principle narcissus makes sense of his life by pursuing supply and by convincing himself that the pursuit of supply is a noble a noble deed or that the pursuit of supply is for the greater good or that the pursuit of supply is likely to yield favorable outcomes in other words it’s a narcissistic supply his main the sister supply imbues his life the pursuit of narcissistic supply imbues his life with direction with meaning and with purpose it’s an organizing principle and a hermenoitic principle an explanatory principle narcissus makes sense of his life by pursuing supply and by convincing himself that the pursuit of supply is a noble a noble deed or that the pursuit of supply is for the greater good or that the pursuit of supply is likely to yield favorable outcomes in other words it’s a
32. 21:13 self-efficacious strategy so process of many uh justification narratives as to why they’re pursuing supply you could become a source of supply make sure you provide calibrated not over the top because he would spot he would interpret it as faking calibrated reasonable high-grade narcissistic supply you give it to him and he’s yours forever you would you will you will have become his pusher narcissistic supply is a drug and the narcissist is a drug addict is a junkie make sure you are his monopoly pusher self-efficacious strategy so process of many uh justification narratives as to why they’re pursuing supply you could become a source of supply make sure you provide calibrated not over the top because he would spot he would interpret it as faking calibrated reasonable high-grade narcissistic supply you give it to him and he’s yours forever you would you will you will have become his pusher narcissistic supply is a drug and the narcissist is a drug addict is a junkie make sure you are his monopoly pusher
33. 21:52 you are the source of narcissistic supply so that he keeps coming back to you for more and more and more in an ever escalating spiral that’s by far the most efficacious strategy by the way for coexisting with the narcissist the next one next strategy has to do with withholding or intermittent reinforcement provide him with supply play the role in the shirt fantasy and then seize abruptly this is called intermittent reinforcement hot and cold good and bad it’s it caters to the narcissist splitting defense it you are the source of narcissistic supply so that he keeps coming back to you for more and more and more in an ever escalating spiral that’s by far the most efficacious strategy by the way for coexisting with the narcissist the next one next strategy has to do with withholding or intermittent reinforcement provide him with supply play the role in the shirt fantasy and then seize abruptly this is called intermittent reinforcement hot and cold good and bad it’s it caters to the narcissist splitting defense it
34. 22:35 enhances the process in the narcissist mind known as dichotomous thinking the narcissist divides the world exactly as an infant does this infants do it the narcissist divides the world into anathema’s into poles into contradictions he sees the world in terms of uh star contrasts there is no there are no nuances there are no subtleties there are no gray areas you’re either my friend or my foe my enemy you are with me or against me you are so it’s easy to leverage this by providing the narcissist enhances the process in the narcissist mind known as dichotomous thinking the narcissist divides the world exactly as an infant does this infants do it the narcissist divides the world into anathema’s into poles into contradictions he sees the world in terms of uh star contrasts there is no there are no nuances there are no subtleties there are no gray areas you’re either my friend or my foe my enemy you are with me or against me you are so it’s easy to leverage this by providing the narcissist
35. 23:21 with intermittent reinforcement you make the narcissist addicted to you you actually create trauma bonding this is the core of trauma bonding your withholding leads would lead the narcissist to cajole to beg to cater to your knees to pay attention to you and so then you give it give him what he needs supply you play a role in the shirt fantasy it becomes even more addicted and then you withdraw the drug and he runs begging to you it’s cruel but it works and we use this with pets you know dogs cats we do this with intermittent reinforcement you make the narcissist addicted to you you actually create trauma bonding this is the core of trauma bonding your withholding leads would lead the narcissist to cajole to beg to cater to your knees to pay attention to you and so then you give it give him what he needs supply you play a role in the shirt fantasy it becomes even more addicted and then you withdraw the drug and he runs begging to you it’s cruel but it works and we use this with pets you know dogs cats we do this
36. 24:04 to great effect it would work with the narcissist to perfection no need to be afraid that he will dump you during the withholding phase if you are sufficiently astute and you do this um in a way that is not too overt and too cruel and too sadistic and so on if you don’t challenge his grandiosity while you’re doing this if you’re simply available one day and not available the next day that would create in the narcissist enormous abandonment anxiety separation and security and this intermittent reinforcement will to great effect it would work with the narcissist to perfection no need to be afraid that he will dump you during the withholding phase if you are sufficiently astute and you do this um in a way that is not too overt and too cruel and too sadistic and so on if you don’t challenge his grandiosity while you’re doing this if you’re simply available one day and not available the next day that would create in the narcissist enormous abandonment anxiety separation and security and this intermittent reinforcement will
37. 24:37 trauma bond him to you and he would gradually become more and more addicted to your ability to undo the pain to undo the frustration so you first frustrate him and then you hold the key as to as to how to unfrustrate him you cause him pain or hurt and then you soothe him and the narcissist falls false prey to this strategy and becomes seriously addicted to it the next strategy is the famous gray rock as a source of supply you need to provide the narcissist with instant gratification by being immediately responsive trauma bond him to you and he would gradually become more and more addicted to your ability to undo the pain to undo the frustration so you first frustrate him and then you hold the key as to as to how to unfrustrate him you cause him pain or hurt and then you soothe him and the narcissist falls false prey to this strategy and becomes seriously addicted to it the next strategy is the famous gray rock as a source of supply you need to provide the narcissist with instant gratification by being immediately responsive
38. 25:20 and in an over-the-top way responsive visibly and ostentatiously you also need to be highly excitable a bit of a drama queen introduce color into his life um and because the narcissist is exactly like the psychopath novelty seeking and he exactly like the borderline he’s a bit of a drama queen or a drama king so he needs you to collude in this he needs you to be his partner in staging these theater productions ongoing uh some paternal theater productions if you render yourself grey and boring and in an over-the-top way responsive visibly and ostentatiously you also need to be highly excitable a bit of a drama queen introduce color into his life um and because the narcissist is exactly like the psychopath novelty seeking and he exactly like the borderline he’s a bit of a drama queen or a drama king so he needs you to collude in this he needs you to be his partner in staging these theater productions ongoing uh some paternal theater productions if you render yourself grey and boring
39. 26:02 and non-responsive and inert and object-like you will frustrate the narcissist mightily you will frustrate him to the point that he would want to avoid you and ultimately devalue and discard you so you will have facilitated the objective of avoiding the narcissist in a way that is not confrontational that is not aggressive that doesn’t put you at risk that’s the gray rock technique the next technique is mirroring it’s a bit of a dangerous technique it should never be attempted with the narcissist and non-responsive and inert and object-like you will frustrate the narcissist mightily you will frustrate him to the point that he would want to avoid you and ultimately devalue and discard you so you will have facilitated the objective of avoiding the narcissist in a way that is not confrontational that is not aggressive that doesn’t put you at risk that’s the gray rock technique the next technique is mirroring it’s a bit of a dangerous technique it should never be attempted with the narcissist
40. 26:38 who has a history of violence or someone who is a psychopathic narcissist but the with run-of-the-mill narcissist it should work whenever the narcissist does something that you disapprove of whenever he mistreats you or maltreats you whenever he abuses you whenever he is verbally abusive or aggressive simply do the same to him mirror him he walks off in a huff and puff walk off in a huff and puff he breaks something breaks something breaks something similar he shouts at you shout back he’s aggressive be aggressive he demeans you who has a history of violence or someone who is a psychopathic narcissist but the with run-of-the-mill narcissist it should work whenever the narcissist does something that you disapprove of whenever he mistreats you or maltreats you whenever he abuses you whenever he is verbally abusive or aggressive simply do the same to him mirror him he walks off in a huff and puff walk off in a huff and puff he breaks something breaks something breaks something similar he shouts at you shout back he’s aggressive be aggressive he demeans you
41. 27:18 debases you humiliates you and degrades you do exactly the same he shames you in public do the same whatever he does mirror him reflect him copy him imitate him ambulate him trust me this would be sufficient negative reinforcement for him to stop all these behaviors he may choose to avoid you even discard you but he will definitely not repeat the abrasive and anti-social behaviors that bother you so much a very effective cousin of gray rock is the background noise technique act as a background noise debases you humiliates you and degrades you do exactly the same he shames you in public do the same whatever he does mirror him reflect him copy him imitate him ambulate him trust me this would be sufficient negative reinforcement for him to stop all these behaviors he may choose to avoid you even discard you but he will definitely not repeat the abrasive and anti-social behaviors that bother you so much a very effective cousin of gray rock is the background noise technique act as a background noise
42. 27:57 ask no questions simply ask no questions never criticize the narcissist never disagree with him when you when he addresses you confine your response to the issues broached by him let him determine the agenda and the content of your verbal intercourse do not introduce new topics into the conversation you’re not there to think if he wants your opinion he will give it to you and most importantly don’t show don’t provide him with clues as to your independence agency autonomy and self-efficacy ask no questions simply ask no questions never criticize the narcissist never disagree with him when you when he addresses you confine your response to the issues broached by him let him determine the agenda and the content of your verbal intercourse do not introduce new topics into the conversation you’re not there to think if he wants your opinion he will give it to you and most importantly don’t show don’t provide him with clues as to your independence agency autonomy and self-efficacy
43. 28:40 you are nothing but an avatar any attempt to initiate a conversation to introduce new topics to disagree to challenge to compare to give advice to suggest help to be empathic to try to soothe this bad bad ideas because they remind the narcissist that he is in need of advice and help in soothing that is inferior in some way that you have something to give which he needs or wants or doesn’t have you’re challenging his grandiosity his superiority never initiate never be proactive always react meekly compliantly and you are nothing but an avatar any attempt to initiate a conversation to introduce new topics to disagree to challenge to compare to give advice to suggest help to be empathic to try to soothe this bad bad ideas because they remind the narcissist that he is in need of advice and help in soothing that is inferior in some way that you have something to give which he needs or wants or doesn’t have you’re challenging his grandiosity his superiority never initiate never be proactive always react meekly compliantly and
44. 29:22 subserviently now the mother and father of all strategies and the only absolutely the only strategy that i ever ever recommend is no contact i created the no contact strategy in 1995. now many people tell me no you didn’t my grand my grandmother walked out on my grandfather in 1910 yes no contact is not about walking walking away no contact is not about breaking up no contact is not even about avoiding contact no contact is a set of 27 strategies only when they’re put together they’re efficient subserviently now the mother and father of all strategies and the only absolutely the only strategy that i ever ever recommend is no contact i created the no contact strategy in 1995. now many people tell me no you didn’t my grand my grandmother walked out on my grandfather in 1910 yes no contact is not about walking walking away no contact is not about breaking up no contact is not even about avoiding contact no contact is a set of 27 strategies only when they’re put together they’re efficient
45. 30:13 if any of these 27 strategies is breached you are not maintaining no contact if you follow him on social media that’s not that’s not no contact that’s a breach a violation of no contact if you stalk him on social media if you work in the same company you can’t maintain no contact even if you live in the same city in my view if it’s small enough that’s that’s against no contact if you answer its phone calls if you share visitation and custody if you i mean no contact is a very brittle and fragile strategy if any of these 27 strategies is breached you are not maintaining no contact if you follow him on social media that’s not that’s not no contact that’s a breach a violation of no contact if you stalk him on social media if you work in the same company you can’t maintain no contact even if you live in the same city in my view if it’s small enough that’s that’s against no contact if you answer its phone calls if you share visitation and custody if you i mean no contact is a very brittle and fragile strategy
46. 30:54 any violation any breach any countermanding behavior any is gun because the narcissist uses any contact with you as a form of fuel it fuels him he it is re-energized uh by by the knock by any contact even the most flimsy contact is misinterpreted by the narcissist it’s permission to re-enter your life and it’s gonna do it full force it’s gonna stop you or harass you all so no contact is no contact refuse all contact be sure to maintain as much contact with your abuser as the courts counselors mediators any violation any breach any countermanding behavior any is gun because the narcissist uses any contact with you as a form of fuel it fuels him he it is re-energized uh by by the knock by any contact even the most flimsy contact is misinterpreted by the narcissist it’s permission to re-enter your life and it’s gonna do it full force it’s gonna stop you or harass you all so no contact is no contact refuse all contact be sure to maintain as much contact with your abuser as the courts counselors mediators
47. 31:39 guardians or law enforcement officers officials mandate in other words don’t go against the the institutions don’t go against the establishment don’t go against the courts the police and so on that’s going to end badly for you so if they insist that you should be you should be in touch with your narcissist obey but that’s unfortunate because it’s going to feed him he’s going to feed him it’s going to refuel him recharge him and the cycle is going to start all over regrettably guardians or law enforcement officers officials mandate in other words don’t go against the the institutions don’t go against the establishment don’t go against the courts the police and so on that’s going to end badly for you so if they insist that you should be you should be in touch with your narcissist obey but that’s unfortunate because it’s going to feed him he’s going to feed him it’s going to refuel him recharge him and the cycle is going to start all over regrettably
48. 32:10 our law enforcement agencies and our judicial system all over the world are not cognizant of narcissistic dynamics and narcissistic abuse so they force you very often to be in spur spurious and and unnecessary contact with the narcissist they force you because they have this image of you know maybe it can work out this time or maybe you could work together as adults to raise your children properly or whatever narcissist is not an adult the narcissist is a child it’s a case of arrested development our law enforcement agencies and our judicial system all over the world are not cognizant of narcissistic dynamics and narcissistic abuse so they force you very often to be in spur spurious and and unnecessary contact with the narcissist they force you because they have this image of you know maybe it can work out this time or maybe you could work together as adults to raise your children properly or whatever narcissist is not an adult the narcissist is a child it’s a case of arrested development
49. 32:46 but the courts the police and guardians and evaluators and mediators and counselors and even even diagnosticians and therapists mental health supposed professionals let alone self-styled experts they don’t get it they don’t understand it the only therapy is to avoid the narcissist in your life to the maximum possible extent which is 100 as a minimum do not contravene the decision of the system try to work from inside the system to change judgments evaluations rulings but never rebel against these but the courts the police and guardians and evaluators and mediators and counselors and even even diagnosticians and therapists mental health supposed professionals let alone self-styled experts they don’t get it they don’t understand it the only therapy is to avoid the narcissist in your life to the maximum possible extent which is 100 as a minimum do not contravene the decision of the system try to work from inside the system to change judgments evaluations rulings but never rebel against these
50. 33:27 decisions or verdicts or statements or never ignore them don’t turn the system against you and against your interest because you’re going to lose the narcissist is superb at calling institutions and mental health professionals if he will immediately leverage all of them to crush you should you show any sign of rebelliousness and defiance and reactance so don’t do that but with this single exception the minimum mandated by courts and others decline any in all gratuitous contact with the decisions or verdicts or statements or never ignore them don’t turn the system against you and against your interest because you’re going to lose the narcissist is superb at calling institutions and mental health professionals if he will immediately leverage all of them to crush you should you show any sign of rebelliousness and defiance and reactance so don’t do that but with this single exception the minimum mandated by courts and others decline any in all gratuitous contact with the
51. 34:08 narcissist none when i say none i mean none not digital not electronic not by phone not on social media not in the street not in the workplace not in common family gatherings not on things thanksgiving none none is none which part of none do you find difficult to comprehend do not respond to the narcissist pleading romantic nostalgic flattering or threatening messages via any uh via any form you know like through instagram email he’s gonna find a way under the earth to get to you one way or another narcissist none when i say none i mean none not digital not electronic not by phone not on social media not in the street not in the workplace not in common family gatherings not on things thanksgiving none none is none which part of none do you find difficult to comprehend do not respond to the narcissist pleading romantic nostalgic flattering or threatening messages via any uh via any form you know like through instagram email he’s gonna find a way under the earth to get to you one way or another
52. 34:50 delete unread it’s the best strategy it’s very tempting to read and your anxiety levels skyrocket every time you see a message from him because you perceive him as a threat don’t delete unread cite unseen usually the narcissist will try to make sure to ascertain whether you had read his messages read receipts and and so on and so forth don’t just delete them if at all possible my recommendation is to block the narcissist absolutely everywhere and to relegate all communication to your representatives your lawyer your delete unread it’s the best strategy it’s very tempting to read and your anxiety levels skyrocket every time you see a message from him because you perceive him as a threat don’t delete unread cite unseen usually the narcissist will try to make sure to ascertain whether you had read his messages read receipts and and so on and so forth don’t just delete them if at all possible my recommendation is to block the narcissist absolutely everywhere and to relegate all communication to your representatives your lawyer your
53. 35:34 accountant you your therapist even you don’t talk to the nurses directly and you leave him no venue of communication not channel nothing dead in the water incognito mode return every single gift that he sends you send you money wire it back don’t accept anything from him when i say anything i mean anything not a flower not a bracelet not a happy and not a birthday present not a christmas present not an offer to go on a trip nothing is nothing is nothing never accept anything from the narcissist directly or accountant you your therapist even you don’t talk to the nurses directly and you leave him no venue of communication not channel nothing dead in the water incognito mode return every single gift that he sends you send you money wire it back don’t accept anything from him when i say anything i mean anything not a flower not a bracelet not a happy and not a birthday present not a christmas present not an offer to go on a trip nothing is nothing is nothing never accept anything from the narcissist directly or
54. 36:20 through third parties because he may attempt to send gifts to you via for example your children or your neighbors or your colleagues turn them down accept nothing you refuse to let the narcissist enter your premises don’t let him enter your premises do not even respond when he rings the intercom or when he calls from downstairs or when he’s parking parking on your street do not allow him ever a foothold within your home your new home if he comes for the children there’s visitation or through third parties because he may attempt to send gifts to you via for example your children or your neighbors or your colleagues turn them down accept nothing you refuse to let the narcissist enter your premises don’t let him enter your premises do not even respond when he rings the intercom or when he calls from downstairs or when he’s parking parking on your street do not allow him ever a foothold within your home your new home if he comes for the children there’s visitation or
55. 37:06 some kind of custody arrangement he stays out he waits at the threshold he’s not invited in you don’t give him coffee you don’t talk to him you pantomime body language minimal if possible someone else i don’t know a neighbor the cleaning the cleaning lady the help the lawyer someone else someone else if you can meet in a neutral place make the meeting brief something like one second if you can manage walk away no communication no conversation not chatting no contact not comparing some kind of custody arrangement he stays out he waits at the threshold he’s not invited in you don’t give him coffee you don’t talk to him you pantomime body language minimal if possible someone else i don’t know a neighbor the cleaning the cleaning lady the help the lawyer someone else someone else if you can meet in a neutral place make the meeting brief something like one second if you can manage walk away no communication no conversation not chatting no contact not comparing
56. 37:48 experiences nor reminiscing nothing transactional brief to the point neutral place is the best but if you can’t help it he never ever enters your home do not talk to him on the phone on whatsapp on viper on facebook messenger don’t chat with him don’t talk to him block him hang up the minute you hear of his voice make clear to him in a single polite but firm sentence that you are determined to not talk to him that you will not repeat this next time you’re just gonna hang up he he experiences nor reminiscing nothing transactional brief to the point neutral place is the best but if you can’t help it he never ever enters your home do not talk to him on the phone on whatsapp on viper on facebook messenger don’t chat with him don’t talk to him block him hang up the minute you hear of his voice make clear to him in a single polite but firm sentence that you are determined to not talk to him that you will not repeat this next time you’re just gonna hang up he he
57. 38:29 if you block him everywhere he will not be able to communicate with you he may come physically he may try attempt to meet you physically he may ambush ambush you ambush you on the way to work he may come to your workplace he may come to your home some narcissists paranoid stalkers it’s inevitable the ideal would be to relocate to move to another city not to leave a forwarding address change change job or workplace definitely change your phone number and all your contact details to the best of your ability it’s not easy if you block him everywhere he will not be able to communicate with you he may come physically he may try attempt to meet you physically he may ambush ambush you ambush you on the way to work he may come to your workplace he may come to your home some narcissists paranoid stalkers it’s inevitable the ideal would be to relocate to move to another city not to leave a forwarding address change change job or workplace definitely change your phone number and all your contact details to the best of your ability it’s not easy
58. 39:06 but if he does ignore him and when i say ignore him it means don’t look at him not even a cursory look not even a hidden occult look you know just don’t look at him absolutely do not react to his good morning absolutely no communication no chatting no words exchange nothing he is made of air he is transparent do not answer any missive any letter any email any dm direct message anything from him he’s a ghost so why would you respond do not visit him on special occasions do not go to his bedside in emergencies but if he does ignore him and when i say ignore him it means don’t look at him not even a cursory look not even a hidden occult look you know just don’t look at him absolutely do not react to his good morning absolutely no communication no chatting no words exchange nothing he is made of air he is transparent do not answer any missive any letter any email any dm direct message anything from him he’s a ghost so why would you respond do not visit him on special occasions do not go to his bedside in emergencies
59. 39:51 he is sick bad for him he probably has a replacement already for you you’re not his mother you’re not his mother he’s not your child you’re not his nurse nursemaid you’re not his help his gun is out of your life make it so make it so do not respond to his questions his requests his pleas forwarded to you via third parties fourth parties flying monkeys resting monkeys don’t is is dead in effect to you if there are third parties who constantly harass you brings you messages try to put you back he is sick bad for him he probably has a replacement already for you you’re not his mother you’re not his mother he’s not your child you’re not his nurse nursemaid you’re not his help his gun is out of your life make it so make it so do not respond to his questions his requests his pleas forwarded to you via third parties fourth parties flying monkeys resting monkeys don’t is is dead in effect to you if there are third parties who constantly harass you brings you messages try to put you back
60. 40:35 together question your judgment and the validity of your opinions about him undermine you cut them off disconnect and detach from third parties whom you know are spying on you at his behest no flying monkeys let them fly elsewhere you’re not a jungle cut them off these people may believe that they have your best interest in mind but they are detrimental to your mental health and very often physical health as well do not discuss with him your children except as mandated by the court so you need to provide him with medical records together question your judgment and the validity of your opinions about him undermine you cut them off disconnect and detach from third parties whom you know are spying on you at his behest no flying monkeys let them fly elsewhere you’re not a jungle cut them off these people may believe that they have your best interest in mind but they are detrimental to your mental health and very often physical health as well do not discuss with him your children except as mandated by the court so you need to provide him with medical records
61. 41:20 medical records it is you need to provide them with i don’t know their school records school records it is don’t venture beyond that don’t volunteer information do not make your children a common beautiful experience which you can share do not share your children with him try to isolate them actually try to defend them protect them serve as a firewall is not good influence he’s gonna f up with their minds as well so provide the children with an example a counter example of how how a human medical records it is you need to provide them with i don’t know their school records school records it is don’t venture beyond that don’t volunteer information do not make your children a common beautiful experience which you can share do not share your children with him try to isolate them actually try to defend them protect them serve as a firewall is not good influence he’s gonna f up with their minds as well so provide the children with an example a counter example of how how a human
62. 41:57 being can be not selfish not egotistical not colors not ruthless not cynical not hateful show them that there is an alternative do not bad mouth do not bed mouth your former partner narcissist as is but make sure that your children have firm boundaries they know how and when to say no and they know how and when to identify abuse warn them against actions not against him so that they can say they can set their foot down and not collaborate but otherwise your children are yours he happened to have contributed the being can be not selfish not egotistical not colors not ruthless not cynical not hateful show them that there is an alternative do not bad mouth do not bed mouth your former partner narcissist as is but make sure that your children have firm boundaries they know how and when to say no and they know how and when to identify abuse warn them against actions not against him so that they can say they can set their foot down and not collaborate but otherwise your children are yours he happened to have contributed the
63. 42:40 sperm or the egg if it’s a female narcissist but nothing much besides it so don’t make your children a back door a trojan horse into your life do not gossip about him with any third party expose his abuse to your closest friends and family once and that should be the end of it do not make him a topic conversation starter um a topic of uh commiseration his gun if he is not gone from your mind he will insinuate himself into your life make sure he’s gone everywhere do not ask him for anything sperm or the egg if it’s a female narcissist but nothing much besides it so don’t make your children a back door a trojan horse into your life do not gossip about him with any third party expose his abuse to your closest friends and family once and that should be the end of it do not make him a topic conversation starter um a topic of uh commiseration his gun if he is not gone from your mind he will insinuate himself into your life make sure he’s gone everywhere do not ask him for anything
64. 43:24 even if you’re in dire need even if you don’t have food even if you don’t have shelter even when you become homeless he is the last person to ask for help and actually he is not on the list of people you should ask for help when you’re forced to meet him do not discuss your personal affairs do not discuss his personal affairs you’re not friends you’re not intimate partners you have nothing in common and nothing together luckily for you don’t make that different don’t change that even if you’re in dire need even if you don’t have food even if you don’t have shelter even when you become homeless he is the last person to ask for help and actually he is not on the list of people you should ask for help when you’re forced to meet him do not discuss your personal affairs do not discuss his personal affairs you’re not friends you’re not intimate partners you have nothing in common and nothing together luckily for you don’t make that different don’t change that
65. 43:59 so don’t share with him your latest accomplishments at work your new boyfriend your newfound intimacies your family news is it’s not his business and don’t ask him for his it’s not your business keep your businesses separate relegate any inevitable contact with him when and where possible to professionals your lawyer your accountant insist on your boundaries resist abuse refuse to accept abusive behavior demand reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions insist on respect for your boundaries so don’t share with him your latest accomplishments at work your new boyfriend your newfound intimacies your family news is it’s not his business and don’t ask him for his it’s not your business keep your businesses separate relegate any inevitable contact with him when and where possible to professionals your lawyer your accountant insist on your boundaries resist abuse refuse to accept abusive behavior demand reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions insist on respect for your boundaries
66. 44:41 predilections preferences and priorities demand the just and proportional treatment reject or ignore unjust and capricious behavior if you are up to the inevitable confrontation always reacting kind let him taste some of his own medicine never show your abuser that you’re afraid of him do not negotiate with bullies they are insatiable do not succumb to blackmail if things get rough disengage involve law enforcement officers friends colleagues and threaten him if need be legally of course do not keep your abuse a secret secrecy predilections preferences and priorities demand the just and proportional treatment reject or ignore unjust and capricious behavior if you are up to the inevitable confrontation always reacting kind let him taste some of his own medicine never show your abuser that you’re afraid of him do not negotiate with bullies they are insatiable do not succumb to blackmail if things get rough disengage involve law enforcement officers friends colleagues and threaten him if need be legally of course do not keep your abuse a secret secrecy
67. 45:20 is the abuser’s weapon but don’t make your victimhood a career and don’t make your victim with your identity you are not a victim you had been victimized and you had survived evidently so be a survivor put your abuse where it belongs in your therapy sessions and move on with your life never give him a second chance react with your full arsenal to any transgression be guarded don’t be too forthcoming gather intelligence but never give it away be yourself don’t misrepresent your wishes is the abuser’s weapon but don’t make your victimhood a career and don’t make your victim with your identity you are not a victim you had been victimized and you had survived evidently so be a survivor put your abuse where it belongs in your therapy sessions and move on with your life never give him a second chance react with your full arsenal to any transgression be guarded don’t be too forthcoming gather intelligence but never give it away be yourself don’t misrepresent your wishes
68. 46:01 boundaries preferences priorities and red lines be firm but never aggressive do not behaving consistently do not go back on your word be firm and resolute stay away from quagmire’s from conundrums scrutinize every offer every suggestion no matter how innocuous do not trust him not in the list it does not have your best interest in mind because to him you had never existed prepare plan b prepare backup plans keep other people informed of your whereabouts and appraised of your situation the price of your situation boundaries preferences priorities and red lines be firm but never aggressive do not behaving consistently do not go back on your word be firm and resolute stay away from quagmire’s from conundrums scrutinize every offer every suggestion no matter how innocuous do not trust him not in the list it does not have your best interest in mind because to him you had never existed prepare plan b prepare backup plans keep other people informed of your whereabouts and appraised of your situation the price of your situation
69. 46:46 be vigilant and doubting no no need to be hyper vigilant and paranoid but at least be vigilant and doubting don’t be gullible don’t be suggestible and always better safe than sorry do not regret what you had missed often the abusers proxies flying monkeys and others they’re unaware of their role so expose him to them inform them demonstrate to them how they are being abused misused and plain used by the abuser but do it once do not make it a habitual conversation because then you will you will keep the be vigilant and doubting no no need to be hyper vigilant and paranoid but at least be vigilant and doubting don’t be gullible don’t be suggestible and always better safe than sorry do not regret what you had missed often the abusers proxies flying monkeys and others they’re unaware of their role so expose him to them inform them demonstrate to them how they are being abused misused and plain used by the abuser but do it once do not make it a habitual conversation because then you will you will keep the
70. 47:26 abuser in your life trap your abuser treat him as he treats you involve other people bring it into the open nothing like sunshine to disinfect abuse but again don’t make it the core and the essence of your life this is when you are with the narcissist and when you break up with the narcissist but long after the most persistent narcissist is gone and nowhere to be found long after he’s dead even he’s still with you you remember from part one that a relationship with the narcissist is a process of entraining brainwashing abuser in your life trap your abuser treat him as he treats you involve other people bring it into the open nothing like sunshine to disinfect abuse but again don’t make it the core and the essence of your life this is when you are with the narcissist and when you break up with the narcissist but long after the most persistent narcissist is gone and nowhere to be found long after he’s dead even he’s still with you you remember from part one that a relationship with the narcissist is a process of entraining brainwashing
71. 48:10 and mind snatching mind control he is inside your mind his introjects his voices are inside your mind and the idea is to silence them it’s still debatable whether you can get rid of them altogether but i think you can silence them you need to reverse the roles during throughout your relationship with the narcissist his voice was the dominant voice his voice resonated in your mind criticized you demeaned you degraded you uplifted you gave you hope false hope usually made you dream the voice was and mind snatching mind control he is inside your mind his introjects his voices are inside your mind and the idea is to silence them it’s still debatable whether you can get rid of them altogether but i think you can silence them you need to reverse the roles during throughout your relationship with the narcissist his voice was the dominant voice his voice resonated in your mind criticized you demeaned you degraded you uplifted you gave you hope false hope usually made you dream the voice was
72. 49:05 addictive all pervasive ubiquitous it’s a voice that you couldn’t get rid of because you did not want to get rid of it you were trauma bonded intermittently reinforced you were in the throes of what is colloquially known as the stockholm syndrome so the voice became crucial to the maintenance of your internal world to your inner to the peace inner peace peace of mind you couldn’t and wouldn’t get rid of it so throughout the relationship he was he was vociferous he was vocal he was there in your face or inside your addictive all pervasive ubiquitous it’s a voice that you couldn’t get rid of because you did not want to get rid of it you were trauma bonded intermittently reinforced you were in the throes of what is colloquially known as the stockholm syndrome so the voice became crucial to the maintenance of your internal world to your inner to the peace inner peace peace of mind you couldn’t and wouldn’t get rid of it so throughout the relationship he was he was vociferous he was vocal he was there in your face or inside your
73. 49:47 head and you were the muted one you were the silent one you were the recipient you were the passive side he was the active side the road the road to healing the route to healing and recovery is by reversing the role reversing the roles muting the narcissist voice and nitro interject and rendering your voices active and vociferous making such such a racket so much noise with your own voices that they would drown out the narcissist pernicious attempts to again take over your mind long after his gun head and you were the muted one you were the silent one you were the recipient you were the passive side he was the active side the road the road to healing the route to healing and recovery is by reversing the role reversing the roles muting the narcissist voice and nitro interject and rendering your voices active and vociferous making such such a racket so much noise with your own voices that they would drown out the narcissist pernicious attempts to again take over your mind long after his gun
74. 50:32 so the first thing you need to do is to realize um what had happened you need to identify which of these voices is an authentic voice your voice really you which of these voices don’t belong to you they are not your voices but they belong to relatively benign figures in your life maybe your mother maybe your father maybe a grandmother maybe a good neighbor maybe a role model maybe a peer with whom you had befriended so you have your own voice the single authentic unitary voice that is you you have so the first thing you need to do is to realize um what had happened you need to identify which of these voices is an authentic voice your voice really you which of these voices don’t belong to you they are not your voices but they belong to relatively benign figures in your life maybe your mother maybe your father maybe a grandmother maybe a good neighbor maybe a role model maybe a peer with whom you had befriended so you have your own voice the single authentic unitary voice that is you you have
75. 51:15 a multiplicity of other voices benign voices helpful voices voices who give you succor and advice in times of need voices who guide you and constitute a part of your socialization and conscience these are voices which you wouldn’t want to get rid of and you have a group of voices which are enemies internal enemies inside the gates barbarians how to ravish you and destroy you rather you and destroy you pillage you these are voices and these voices could be for example the voice of a sadistic harsh mother a multiplicity of other voices benign voices helpful voices voices who give you succor and advice in times of need voices who guide you and constitute a part of your socialization and conscience these are voices which you wouldn’t want to get rid of and you have a group of voices which are enemies internal enemies inside the gates barbarians how to ravish you and destroy you rather you and destroy you pillage you these are voices and these voices could be for example the voice of a sadistic harsh mother
76. 51:57 and it is definitely one of these voices is definitely the voice of the narcissist these are unfriendly voices they’re out to destroy you they ought to get you they would love to see you commit suicide or or languish or in agony these voices you need to get rid of first and foremost you need to get rid of the voice of the narcissist why why is this a top priority because the narcissist cunningly or all be it unconsciously head collaborated with all the other enemy voices in your head he had co-opted them and it is definitely one of these voices is definitely the voice of the narcissist these are unfriendly voices they’re out to destroy you they ought to get you they would love to see you commit suicide or or languish or in agony these voices you need to get rid of first and foremost you need to get rid of the voice of the narcissist why why is this a top priority because the narcissist cunningly or all be it unconsciously head collaborated with all the other enemy voices in your head he had co-opted them
77. 52:38 he organized the coalition of these voices and he led them in in charge battle he made war upon you using leveraging and abusing parts of you these introduce so if you had for example a really hateful mother who envied you put you down destroyed your life the narcissist would collaborate with her voice in your mind he would install implant his voice and his introject with work would would work with her interject in a combined attack attack vector on you so you need to destroy the narcissist voice he organized the coalition of these voices and he led them in in charge battle he made war upon you using leveraging and abusing parts of you these introduce so if you had for example a really hateful mother who envied you put you down destroyed your life the narcissist would collaborate with her voice in your mind he would install implant his voice and his introject with work would would work with her interject in a combined attack attack vector on you so you need to destroy the narcissist voice
78. 53:26 because it’s the head of this uh coalition of horses of the apocalypse inside your mind he is in charge of pulling together all the negativity the negative voices the self-defeating and self-destructive voices self-trashing voices musochistic voices sadistic voices inside your mind he these voices coalesce around the narcissist voice it amplifies them and they amplify it it’s a coalition of the willing but willing demons it’s it’s um to borrow religious metaphors it’s a bit demonic because it’s the head of this uh coalition of horses of the apocalypse inside your mind he is in charge of pulling together all the negativity the negative voices the self-defeating and self-destructive voices self-trashing voices musochistic voices sadistic voices inside your mind he these voices coalesce around the narcissist voice it amplifies them and they amplify it it’s a coalition of the willing but willing demons it’s it’s um to borrow religious metaphors it’s a bit demonic
79. 54:10 so you need to get rid of this voice and thereby silence the others narcissus creates a theater play a movie he scripts it he creates a script and then he directs it you are an actress in the best case in his theater play in his movie and very often you’re not even that you’re just a prop property prop like in a theater so you’re the table on the stage or the gun that will be shot in the third scene it’s just a prop or an actress and you hand over control to the narcissist by agreeing to participate by consenting so you need to get rid of this voice and thereby silence the others narcissus creates a theater play a movie he scripts it he creates a script and then he directs it you are an actress in the best case in his theater play in his movie and very often you’re not even that you’re just a prop property prop like in a theater so you’re the table on the stage or the gun that will be shot in the third scene it’s just a prop or an actress and you hand over control to the narcissist by agreeing to participate by consenting
80. 54:58 to his shirt fantasy and agreeing to fit into his illusion or hallucination of a life you actually are suspending yours even giving up on your separate existence you’re merging and fusing with him you’re becoming an extension of him and so the current advice actually online is catastrophically wrong because what it does it freezes these roles it tells you that you had been the victim and he had been the abuser there was nothing much you could do about it and so this freezes the rules it it to his shirt fantasy and agreeing to fit into his illusion or hallucination of a life you actually are suspending yours even giving up on your separate existence you’re merging and fusing with him you’re becoming an extension of him and so the current advice actually online is catastrophically wrong because what it does it freezes these roles it tells you that you had been the victim and he had been the abuser there was nothing much you could do about it and so this freezes the rules it it
81. 55:40 leaves you in a bad place where the control of your life is external and external locus of control and and the abuser is all empowered and you are helpless it fosters land helplessness most of the current advice that i see in forums and by self-styled experts on youtube and so on is disastrously wrong advice because it perpetuates the victim stance and the helplessness of the victim and the passive passivity of the victim and elevates the abuser into a position of unmitigated power over you freezing leaves you in a bad place where the control of your life is external and external locus of control and and the abuser is all empowered and you are helpless it fosters land helplessness most of the current advice that i see in forums and by self-styled experts on youtube and so on is disastrously wrong advice because it perpetuates the victim stance and the helplessness of the victim and the passive passivity of the victim and elevates the abuser into a position of unmitigated power over you freezing
82. 56:24 the locus of control externally and not allowing you to get rid of your voice because you if you’re helpless who you what can you do about it nothing much you need to do exactly the opposite you need to reverse the rules you need to write the script you need to direct the scene the movie in the theater play it’s your play from now on it’s your movie for now it’s your script he becomes the actor he becomes the prop whether he’s physically present or not is immaterial he’s still inside your the locus of control externally and not allowing you to get rid of your voice because you if you’re helpless who you what can you do about it nothing much you need to do exactly the opposite you need to reverse the rules you need to write the script you need to direct the scene the movie in the theater play it’s your play from now on it’s your movie for now it’s your script he becomes the actor he becomes the prop whether he’s physically present or not is immaterial he’s still inside your
83. 57:00 head he’s an introject you demote him you demote him and you subjugate him he is a nobody in nothing he is utterly under your control because you make the script you don’t like him make another script where he’s omitted or no longer included the power is all yours you have access to your mind that he doesn’t this foreign body inside your mind you can silence it you can render it dormant simply absolutely simply by changing the story or the narrative or the theater play or the movie head he’s an introject you demote him you demote him and you subjugate him he is a nobody in nothing he is utterly under your control because you make the script you don’t like him make another script where he’s omitted or no longer included the power is all yours you have access to your mind that he doesn’t this foreign body inside your mind you can silence it you can render it dormant simply absolutely simply by changing the story or the narrative or the theater play or the movie
84. 57:42 that you are participating in own the narcissist by appropriating his roles and then constellate and integrate these parts of you that are benign that are helpful the friendly that are loving that are caring that are compassionate that are affectionate by reducing the narcissist you’re actually disabling and silencing the other voices the bad voices the enemy voices the trojan horses the fifth column inside your head it’s very reminiscent of the religious allegory satan and god god demoted demoted satan used to be an that you are participating in own the narcissist by appropriating his roles and then constellate and integrate these parts of you that are benign that are helpful the friendly that are loving that are caring that are compassionate that are affectionate by reducing the narcissist you’re actually disabling and silencing the other voices the bad voices the enemy voices the trojan horses the fifth column inside your head it’s very reminiscent of the religious allegory satan and god god demoted demoted satan used to be an
85. 58:30 archangel in some in some traditions he used to be you know top guy and even in some traditions it was god’s right hand and then he rebelled he became a narcissist in a field so what god did he demoted he wrote a new script he wrote a new script where satan was no longer his right hand no longer an angel or an archangel he demoted him he threw him down to earth he forced him into a demeaning role subservient rule and satan lost his power in the heavenly kingdom he regained it among us human beings archangel in some in some traditions he used to be you know top guy and even in some traditions it was god’s right hand and then he rebelled he became a narcissist in a field so what god did he demoted he wrote a new script he wrote a new script where satan was no longer his right hand no longer an angel or an archangel he demoted him he threw him down to earth he forced him into a demeaning role subservient rule and satan lost his power in the heavenly kingdom he regained it among us human beings
86. 59:12 but that’s not god’s frame of reference so if you do the same to your narcissist he may still victimize other people of course but he will have no access to the heavenly kingdom known as your mind you should do to the narcissist what he had done to you he devalued you he discard you only because he needed to use you as a maternal figure to separate from and become an individual do the same do the same he played the maternal role with you he had played it with you he pretended to be unconditionally loving mother but that’s not god’s frame of reference so if you do the same to your narcissist he may still victimize other people of course but he will have no access to the heavenly kingdom known as your mind you should do to the narcissist what he had done to you he devalued you he discard you only because he needed to use you as a maternal figure to separate from and become an individual do the same do the same he played the maternal role with you he had played it with you he pretended to be unconditionally loving mother
87. 59:54 he idealized you and made you fall in love with your idealized image do the same separate from him become your own person individuate this is the road to recovery and healing devalue him and then discard him in your mind now the narcissist actually uses multiple voices in your mind which is another problem because most people think that the narcissist speaks with a with a single with a single voice um that is that is not the case he uses a multiplicity of voices and he implants these voices these he idealized you and made you fall in love with your idealized image do the same separate from him become your own person individuate this is the road to recovery and healing devalue him and then discard him in your mind now the narcissist actually uses multiple voices in your mind which is another problem because most people think that the narcissist speaks with a with a single with a single voice um that is that is not the case he uses a multiplicity of voices and he implants these voices these
88. 60:36 introduce inside your mind using abusive training i again encourage you to watch part one but his voices trigger your voices that’s that’s the source of his power the source of his power is that he knows how to trigger you internally he has called empathy he scans you for vulnerabilities and then he leverages these vulnerabilities against you he’s like a shark you’re bleeding in the water he finds the wound and then your gun piece by piece so he knows how to trigger your voices and you need a map introduce inside your mind using abusive training i again encourage you to watch part one but his voices trigger your voices that’s that’s the source of his power the source of his power is that he knows how to trigger you internally he has called empathy he scans you for vulnerabilities and then he leverages these vulnerabilities against you he’s like a shark you’re bleeding in the water he finds the wound and then your gun piece by piece so he knows how to trigger your voices and you need a map
89. 61:13 you need a map of the narcissist voices in your mind and this map is a mirror image of these voices in you now there’s three voices i call them d l and g d for death l for life and g for god so if you if you look at the interactions his death voice the voice of death in him triggers your life voice okay so his death voice triggers her life voice his god voice triggers your god voice and his life voice triggers your death voice now that i’ll explain this now because these are the three interactions you need a map of the narcissist voices in your mind and this map is a mirror image of these voices in you now there’s three voices i call them d l and g d for death l for life and g for god so if you if you look at the interactions his death voice the voice of death in him triggers your life voice okay so his death voice triggers her life voice his god voice triggers your god voice and his life voice triggers your death voice now that i’ll explain this now because these are the three interactions
90. 62:01 with the introjects that you’re having with him and these are also the keys to how to neutralize him in your mind so his death voice his death voice comes across through narcissistic abuse he abuses you in this sense is trying to kill you is trying to destroy you as a separate autonomous entity he’s trying to put you on suspended animation in a vegetative common state he wants you comatose he wants you to be an egyptian ancient egyptian mummy he wants you to be a stable immutable object so that he doesn’t experience with the introjects that you’re having with him and these are also the keys to how to neutralize him in your mind so his death voice his death voice comes across through narcissistic abuse he abuses you in this sense is trying to kill you is trying to destroy you as a separate autonomous entity he’s trying to put you on suspended animation in a vegetative common state he wants you comatose he wants you to be an egyptian ancient egyptian mummy he wants you to be a stable immutable object so that he doesn’t experience
91. 62:43 abundant anxiety and has enough time to separate and individuate from you that’s his death voice narcissistic abuse is a death voice because it’s intended to kill you mentally at least when he uses his death voice it provokes your life voice it provokes your survival instincts you try to fight back sometimes unsuccessfully but you definitely try to fight back life and death clash narcissistic abuse and survival clash that’s the first layer the second layer his god voice in your god voice his god voice is his abundant anxiety and has enough time to separate and individuate from you that’s his death voice narcissistic abuse is a death voice because it’s intended to kill you mentally at least when he uses his death voice it provokes your life voice it provokes your survival instincts you try to fight back sometimes unsuccessfully but you definitely try to fight back life and death clash narcissistic abuse and survival clash that’s the first layer the second layer his god voice in your god voice his god voice is his
92. 63:23 grandiosity his narcissistic grandiosity and it provokes in you your narcissistic defenses this is the vector of contagion that’s how the narcissist contaminates you and infects you with his narcissism you react to his grandiosity with your grandiosity he makes you a narcissist he pushes you to become more and more narcissistic or even psychopathic you feel it you keep telling yourself i’m changing i’ve never done this before it’s not like me yes it’s not like you he’s transforming you you’re grandiosity his narcissistic grandiosity and it provokes in you your narcissistic defenses this is the vector of contagion that’s how the narcissist contaminates you and infects you with his narcissism you react to his grandiosity with your grandiosity he makes you a narcissist he pushes you to become more and more narcissistic or even psychopathic you feel it you keep telling yourself i’m changing i’ve never done this before it’s not like me yes it’s not like you he’s transforming you you’re
93. 64:00 shape-shifting he’s a werewolf and he’s rendering you a werewolf or a vampire vampire by biting biting not your real neck but your proverbial neck injecting into you the viruses that constitute narcissism first and foremost lack of empathy and grandiosity and you’re reacting to his narcissism by becoming like him that’s the god god voices and the last one is the life voice in him provokes the death voice in you when he tries to separate from you to be to individuate he has to dis dump you he is to devalue shape-shifting he’s a werewolf and he’s rendering you a werewolf or a vampire vampire by biting biting not your real neck but your proverbial neck injecting into you the viruses that constitute narcissism first and foremost lack of empathy and grandiosity and you’re reacting to his narcissism by becoming like him that’s the god god voices and the last one is the life voice in him provokes the death voice in you when he tries to separate from you to be to individuate he has to dis dump you he is to devalue
94. 64:44 you and dump you discard you it’s the only way to symbolize separation individuation from a new mother you so his life voice because this is about life separating individual individuating is becoming alive so his life voice um provokes in you triggers in you your death voice first of all you feel bad being devalued and discarded you feel depressed some some of you feel suicidal even and you try to make up for it by self-sacrificing you try to placate the narcissist you try to bribe bribe the you and dump you discard you it’s the only way to symbolize separation individuation from a new mother you so his life voice because this is about life separating individual individuating is becoming alive so his life voice um provokes in you triggers in you your death voice first of all you feel bad being devalued and discarded you feel depressed some some of you feel suicidal even and you try to make up for it by self-sacrificing you try to placate the narcissist you try to bribe bribe the
95. 65:23 narcissist by denying yourself by sacrificing yourself by people pleasing him narcissist pleasing him so this is death you’re killing yourself you’re eliminating yourself as a provocation as a trigger you’re telling yourself if i become background noise if i cease to exist if i go into a comatose state i’m not gonna i’m not gonna provoke him he’s going to be nice and loving again so his need to separate individuate which is a need to live again to be alive pushes you to be less and less alive narcissist by denying yourself by sacrificing yourself by people pleasing him narcissist pleasing him so this is death you’re killing yourself you’re eliminating yourself as a provocation as a trigger you’re telling yourself if i become background noise if i cease to exist if i go into a comatose state i’m not gonna i’m not gonna provoke him he’s going to be nice and loving again so his need to separate individuate which is a need to live again to be alive pushes you to be less and less alive
96. 66:04 more and more death what are these voices what are the messages of these voices the death voice the god voice and the life voice the message of the death voice is you are not lovable you’re unworthy you’re inadequate you’re a failure a loser you’re better off dead you’re better off dead we are better off the world is better off if you were dead you can be loved and you are deserving of life only if and when you’re perfect which is of course impossible perfectionism is an ever receding target more and more death what are these voices what are the messages of these voices the death voice the god voice and the life voice the message of the death voice is you are not lovable you’re unworthy you’re inadequate you’re a failure a loser you’re better off dead you’re better off dead we are better off the world is better off if you were dead you can be loved and you are deserving of life only if and when you’re perfect which is of course impossible perfectionism is an ever receding target
97. 66:41 it’s the it’s setting yourself up for failure it’s frustration so terrified of failure underperformance anxiety the narcissist rejects disowns sabotages and avoids all aspects of life rendering himself invulnerable by being dead dead within and dead without it’s a form of rigid proud defiant sadistically self-punitive and self-denying ideology the narcissist acts entitled and contemptuous he gives up on he denies his body his health his sex his romance intimacy all positive emotions relationships family academic it’s the it’s setting yourself up for failure it’s frustration so terrified of failure underperformance anxiety the narcissist rejects disowns sabotages and avoids all aspects of life rendering himself invulnerable by being dead dead within and dead without it’s a form of rigid proud defiant sadistically self-punitive and self-denying ideology the narcissist acts entitled and contemptuous he gives up on he denies his body his health his sex his romance intimacy all positive emotions relationships family academic
98. 67:25 degrees career country language success reputation business social life fans friends you name it he disowns everything in the words of collectly he rejects life it’d be nothing left to take because the narcissist had discarded everything given up on everything so there’s nothing left to take from him and there’s nothing he could lose he has nothing to lose so the death voice is silenced and appeased and ameliorated the proximity to actual death via self-denial deceives the death voice because that’s degrees career country language success reputation business social life fans friends you name it he disowns everything in the words of collectly he rejects life it’d be nothing left to take because the narcissist had discarded everything given up on everything so there’s nothing left to take from him and there’s nothing he could lose he has nothing to lose so the death voice is silenced and appeased and ameliorated the proximity to actual death via self-denial deceives the death voice because that’s
99. 68:09 why he says oh mission accomplished you know i want the narcissist he’s dead and he’s killing himself anyhow he’s constricting his life he’s limiting in life in a way that he’s not alive so it’s acceptable to me my mission is accomplished i’m i’m content to let the narcissist decay and decompose inertly however slowly narcissus sacrifices himself to his death voice and this is of course how narcissism is formed in the first place the fourth self is the embodiment of the deaf voice why he says oh mission accomplished you know i want the narcissist he’s dead and he’s killing himself anyhow he’s constricting his life he’s limiting in life in a way that he’s not alive so it’s acceptable to me my mission is accomplished i’m i’m content to let the narcissist decay and decompose inertly however slowly narcissus sacrifices himself to his death voice and this is of course how narcissism is formed in the first place the fourth self is the embodiment of the deaf voice
100. 68:44 because the false self tells the child you must die for me to live for me to exist shield you protect you and gratify you you must first sacrifice yourself now this is the narcissist’s death voice when the narcissist tries to separate and individuate from you your death voice is triggered and provoked and your death voice is exactly the same content you’re not lovable you’re unworthy inadequate failure all this and you react exactly the same way as the narcissist does you give up on things because the false self tells the child you must die for me to live for me to exist shield you protect you and gratify you you must first sacrifice yourself now this is the narcissist’s death voice when the narcissist tries to separate and individuate from you your death voice is triggered and provoked and your death voice is exactly the same content you’re not lovable you’re unworthy inadequate failure all this and you react exactly the same way as the narcissist does you give up on things
101. 69:23 you give up on smiling on happiness on joy on children on money on autonomy on independence on agency on on a job on your girlfriends on your family on your social life you give up and give on your habits you give up and give up and give up you you’re killing yourself when the narcissist threatens to devalue and discard you you try to bribe him by activating your death voice you’re telling him in effect listen you want me dead death is the ultimate separation individuation you want me death then you give up on smiling on happiness on joy on children on money on autonomy on independence on agency on on a job on your girlfriends on your family on your social life you give up and give on your habits you give up and give up and give up you you’re killing yourself when the narcissist threatens to devalue and discard you you try to bribe him by activating your death voice you’re telling him in effect listen you want me dead death is the ultimate separation individuation you want me death then
102. 70:05 i’m gonna kill myself i’m gonna kill myself symbolically i’m gonna stop living i’m gonna isolate myself constrict myself i’m gonna become atomized i’m never going to see anyone never going to talk to anyone never going to do anything i’m going to be a mummy egyptian mummy i’m going to obey you perfectly i’m going to die and the narcissist and you hope that by dying the narcissist will not feel the need to separate from you by discarding you it’s a classic reaction of victims of i’m gonna kill myself i’m gonna kill myself symbolically i’m gonna stop living i’m gonna isolate myself constrict myself i’m gonna become atomized i’m never going to see anyone never going to talk to anyone never going to do anything i’m going to be a mummy egyptian mummy i’m going to obey you perfectly i’m going to die and the narcissist and you hope that by dying the narcissist will not feel the need to separate from you by discarding you it’s a classic reaction of victims of
103. 70:37 abuse the god voice is grandiose it includes magical thinking if i only think about it or wish it strongly enough it will affect reality it will happen and the god voice is also a form of mental illness it’s a cruel false self but it’s constantly challenged by reality the god voice it’s challenged by reality and so we have narcissistic injuries and narcissistic motivations when the nice narcissist exercises his god voice it triggers in you your god voice you feel threatened somehow so you react abuse the god voice is grandiose it includes magical thinking if i only think about it or wish it strongly enough it will affect reality it will happen and the god voice is also a form of mental illness it’s a cruel false self but it’s constantly challenged by reality the god voice it’s challenged by reality and so we have narcissistic injuries and narcissistic motivations when the nice narcissist exercises his god voice it triggers in you your god voice you feel threatened somehow so you react
104. 71:18 with your own grandiosity with your own magical thinking and finally the life voice is about creativity and cooperation creativity and cooperation it’s about relating to other people it’s about social interactions it’s about it’s about making new things but the life voice is intermittent haphazard corroded by aging often is too late it fails a narcissist as he declines in body and mind cognitively the same with you if you remain with the narcissist long enough you will enter this with your own grandiosity with your own magical thinking and finally the life voice is about creativity and cooperation creativity and cooperation it’s about relating to other people it’s about social interactions it’s about it’s about making new things but the life voice is intermittent haphazard corroded by aging often is too late it fails a narcissist as he declines in body and mind cognitively the same with you if you remain with the narcissist long enough you will enter this
105. 72:00 inexorable slippery slope to decadence decay and decomposition the narcissist will drag you down with him fight for your life avoid this and numerous other entrapments and risks which are entailed in the relationship with the narcissist so now i’m open to i’m open to take questions if you want to ask questions i i can’t read all the previous the previous comments i will read them later but since we are live right now i would need you to type questions it’s not the way for me to see your questions inexorable slippery slope to decadence decay and decomposition the narcissist will drag you down with him fight for your life avoid this and numerous other entrapments and risks which are entailed in the relationship with the narcissist so now i’m open to i’m open to take questions if you want to ask questions i i can’t read all the previous the previous comments i will read them later but since we are live right now i would need you to type questions it’s not the way for me to see your questions
106. 72:41 unless you type them right now type question and i will do my best to uh to respond if you have any questions of course that’s another question these are blue hearts no one purple heart and many many kisses okay stop now do not do not type anything anymore do not type anything because i will lose the questions stop now i will answer these questions and then you can type again okay how to build the live voice you don’t build the live voice the live voice comes naturally with mental health and life unless you type them right now type question and i will do my best to uh to respond if you have any questions of course that’s another question these are blue hearts no one purple heart and many many kisses okay stop now do not do not type anything anymore do not type anything because i will lose the questions stop now i will answer these questions and then you can type again okay how to build the live voice you don’t build the live voice the live voice comes naturally with mental health and life
107. 73:42 the problem with many intimate partners of narcissists is that they too come they too hail from dysfunctional environments they too have a problem with self-love they too are sometimes grandiose there is a resonance between the narcissist and his source of supply and his intimate partner the narcissist knows this and he uses your vulnerabilities your dysfunctions your mental health problems against you he leverages this against you so you don’t build the life force and definitely you should get away from the problem with many intimate partners of narcissists is that they too come they too hail from dysfunctional environments they too have a problem with self-love they too are sometimes grandiose there is a resonance between the narcissist and his source of supply and his intimate partner the narcissist knows this and he uses your vulnerabilities your dysfunctions your mental health problems against you he leverages this against you so you don’t build the life force and definitely you should get away from
108. 74:23 the narcissist because the longer you’re with him your life force is depleted and you deteriorate as i said sometimes imperceptibly you transition from the life force to the dead force now the life force gets enhanced increases the more you use it so it’s a use it or lose it thing you create anything from music to children your life force is enhanced you cooperate with other people your life was goes up a notch you have a social life your friends your family you have a purpose and a meaning the narcissist because the longer you’re with him your life force is depleted and you deteriorate as i said sometimes imperceptibly you transition from the life force to the dead force now the life force gets enhanced increases the more you use it so it’s a use it or lose it thing you create anything from music to children your life force is enhanced you cooperate with other people your life was goes up a notch you have a social life your friends your family you have a purpose and a meaning
109. 75:03 you have a goal all these things enhance the life force you stay with the narcissist doomed he will drag you with him into the death force because the narcissism pathological narcissism is a form of slow motion dying slow motion dying narcissus is dead he just doesn’t realize it yet let’s catch up with him okay let me see what else yeah the reverse cycle is i i mentioned it in the so listen to listen to it when it’s released on the channel i did mention it there so i’m not going to it again right you have a goal all these things enhance the life force you stay with the narcissist doomed he will drag you with him into the death force because the narcissism pathological narcissism is a form of slow motion dying slow motion dying narcissus is dead he just doesn’t realize it yet let’s catch up with him okay let me see what else yeah the reverse cycle is i i mentioned it in the so listen to listen to it when it’s released on the channel i did mention it there so i’m not going to it again right
110. 75:51 now the narcissist death voice is anger narcissistic abuse and so on so forth he says later that he doesn’t mean it because it creates intermittent reinforcement hot and cold good and bad so you expect pain and sadistic abuse and and then he says no i didn’t mean it actually i’m sorry and then you say oh actually it’s good i can trust him again he loves me and then he repeats and so this creates trauma bonding it’s a form of intermittent reinforcement the longer you’re with the narcissist now the narcissist death voice is anger narcissistic abuse and so on so forth he says later that he doesn’t mean it because it creates intermittent reinforcement hot and cold good and bad so you expect pain and sadistic abuse and and then he says no i didn’t mean it actually i’m sorry and then you say oh actually it’s good i can trust him again he loves me and then he repeats and so this creates trauma bonding it’s a form of intermittent reinforcement the longer you’re with the narcissist
111. 76:42 30-year relationship is long on the long side the longer you’re in the narcissist the more entrenched the introjects are in your mind your problem will not be to break up with you more to walk away your problem will be that it is inside your head so you would need to use these techniques after 30 years i would recommend help introduce therapy shadow shadow therapy them reappraisal therapy exposure therapy there are various therapies where we eliminate interjects but after 30 years you are totally 30-year relationship is long on the long side the longer you’re in the narcissist the more entrenched the introjects are in your mind your problem will not be to break up with you more to walk away your problem will be that it is inside your head so you would need to use these techniques after 30 years i would recommend help introduce therapy shadow shadow therapy them reappraisal therapy exposure therapy there are various therapies where we eliminate interjects but after 30 years you are totally
112. 77:15 infested your mind is totally phoned taken doesn’t belong to you you need help you can’t do it by yourself i mentioned it how do i make sure my child doesn’t turn into a covert narcissist like his father i mentioned it in the in the stream i said you need to give the child a counter example so that when the child grows up he can choose between being a covert narcissist or healthy person and the overwhelming vast majority of children will choose to be healthy does ghosting cause narcissistic infested your mind is totally phoned taken doesn’t belong to you you need help you can’t do it by yourself i mentioned it how do i make sure my child doesn’t turn into a covert narcissist like his father i mentioned it in the in the stream i said you need to give the child a counter example so that when the child grows up he can choose between being a covert narcissist or healthy person and the overwhelming vast majority of children will choose to be healthy does ghosting cause narcissistic
113. 77:55 response ghosting depends if it’s part of the death voice um it will create a life response so you will feel relieved or happy even but if ghosting is done as part of grandiosity i don’t need you i’m stronger than you it’s a power play then it will provoke your your god voice this is a god voice ghosting that is done grandiosely is part of the god voice so it will prove provoking you the god voice you’ll become narcissistic also you react grandiosely or with a power play of your own you know response ghosting depends if it’s part of the death voice um it will create a life response so you will feel relieved or happy even but if ghosting is done as part of grandiosity i don’t need you i’m stronger than you it’s a power play then it will provoke your your god voice this is a god voice ghosting that is done grandiosely is part of the god voice so it will prove provoking you the god voice you’ll become narcissistic also you react grandiosely or with a power play of your own you know
114. 78:37 the first part is available will be available on the channel i think part of it is already available on the channel i i will not talk about pedophilia right now because there is a long video that i made about pedophilia and you can find it on my channel and it’s not part of this seminar oh so many hearts i’m having a heart attack the trauma of leaving the narcissist when she is needing you there are several assumptions in this question first of all there is the assumption that she needs you the first part is available will be available on the channel i think part of it is already available on the channel i i will not talk about pedophilia right now because there is a long video that i made about pedophilia and you can find it on my channel and it’s not part of this seminar oh so many hearts i’m having a heart attack the trauma of leaving the narcissist when she is needing you there are several assumptions in this question first of all there is the assumption that she needs you
115. 79:29 if she is a borderline she needs you for the regulation of some of her psychological functions she outsources the regulation of her internal world to you as an intimate partner so then she would really need you and when you leave she will have a massive crisis and so on but if it’s a narcissist she doesn’t need you she needs what you can give her so she needs your participation in her theater play or a movie she needs money if she’s a gold digger she needs attention if she’s you know if she is a borderline she needs you for the regulation of some of her psychological functions she outsources the regulation of her internal world to you as an intimate partner so then she would really need you and when you leave she will have a massive crisis and so on but if it’s a narcissist she doesn’t need you she needs what you can give her so she needs your participation in her theater play or a movie she needs money if she’s a gold digger she needs attention if she’s you know
116. 80:07 into that and she needs what you can give her she never needs you and because she needs what you can give her you’re easily replaceable this is one of the main issues with victims they refuse to accept that they’re utterly interchangeable and immediately interchangeable if i’m getting my internet via an internet service provider i can switch into another internet service provider literally overnight you’re nothing but providers your service providers sex supply services the three s’s that’s what you provide into that and she needs what you can give her she never needs you and because she needs what you can give her you’re easily replaceable this is one of the main issues with victims they refuse to accept that they’re utterly interchangeable and immediately interchangeable if i’m getting my internet via an internet service provider i can switch into another internet service provider literally overnight you’re nothing but providers your service providers sex supply services the three s’s that’s what you provide
117. 80:48 and there are many many many alternatives to you an infinite number actually you are not special in the narcissist eyes because the narcissist does not see you it does not regard you as a separate entity and is an external object you’re nothing but an internal representation it’s easy for the narcissist to move on startle response is one of the diagnostic criteria of post-traumatic stress disorder and yes it indicates some trauma i have no idea which could be anything you could have watched and there are many many many alternatives to you an infinite number actually you are not special in the narcissist eyes because the narcissist does not see you it does not regard you as a separate entity and is an external object you’re nothing but an internal representation it’s easy for the narcissist to move on startle response is one of the diagnostic criteria of post-traumatic stress disorder and yes it indicates some trauma i have no idea which could be anything you could have watched
118. 81:24 an accident as a two-year-old and it’s an imprinted trauma and you’re reacting with a startled response but if this title response is intimately connected with touch usually it indicates physical abuse beating or or sexual abuse yes here’s a flower to remind you of life thank you dear yes only the mother only the mother is associated with with um narcissistic pathology and the reason is very simple oh i lost the one minute yeah only the mother is involved in the narcissistic pathology an accident as a two-year-old and it’s an imprinted trauma and you’re reacting with a startled response but if this title response is intimately connected with touch usually it indicates physical abuse beating or or sexual abuse yes here’s a flower to remind you of life thank you dear yes only the mother only the mother is associated with with um narcissistic pathology and the reason is very simple oh i lost the one minute yeah only the mother is involved in the narcissistic pathology
119. 82:12 because you can separate only from the mother all these dynamics symbiosis separation individuation are exclusively with the mother a father can damage the child in other ways for example by providing the wrong role model by socializing the child wrongly by not providing the child with safety and support etc so father has several functions but none of them have to do with the formation of pathological narcissism so it’s exclusively the mother unfortunately bipolar disorder can be diagnosed it can be comorbid with because you can separate only from the mother all these dynamics symbiosis separation individuation are exclusively with the mother a father can damage the child in other ways for example by providing the wrong role model by socializing the child wrongly by not providing the child with safety and support etc so father has several functions but none of them have to do with the formation of pathological narcissism so it’s exclusively the mother unfortunately bipolar disorder can be diagnosed it can be comorbid with
120. 82:59 narcissism and covert narcissism but it’s rare much more common is dysthymia and cyclotymia two two types of depression two types of depression calling depression so depression is much more commonly diagnosed with narcissism in all its forms and anxiety disorders although anxiety disorders are much more common in borderline but they are also common in narcissism and even psychopathy how long does it take to form the introduce the narcissistic introduction it depends how forceful is how needy you narcissism and covert narcissism but it’s rare much more common is dysthymia and cyclotymia two two types of depression two types of depression calling depression so depression is much more commonly diagnosed with narcissism in all its forms and anxiety disorders although anxiety disorders are much more common in borderline but they are also common in narcissism and even psychopathy how long does it take to form the introduce the narcissistic introduction it depends how forceful is how needy you
121. 83:41 are how what was your childhood like did you have a good enough mother that’s a buttress that’s a project protection against the introjects did you have a good father it’s also a protection a good against the introduction so it depends there’s too many variables here but interests can be formed in as little as three days if the if the victim is extremely vulnerable she is totally dysregulated for example she’s a borderline the introduce can form in a matter of days literally are how what was your childhood like did you have a good enough mother that’s a buttress that’s a project protection against the introjects did you have a good father it’s also a protection a good against the introduction so it depends there’s too many variables here but interests can be formed in as little as three days if the if the victim is extremely vulnerable she is totally dysregulated for example she’s a borderline the introduce can form in a matter of days literally
122. 84:14 it’s an exceedingly dangerous process yes these techniques apply to people with narcissistic style now we make a distinction in psychology between narcissistic disorders and narcissistic style this distinction was made by psychologists called sperry s e s-p-e-r-r-y so he suggested that some people are sub-clinical narcissists and today we have the concept of dark triad or dark personality or dark tetrad various dark personalities where people are not narcissists but they are almost narcissists it’s an exceedingly dangerous process yes these techniques apply to people with narcissistic style now we make a distinction in psychology between narcissistic disorders and narcissistic style this distinction was made by psychologists called sperry s e s-p-e-r-r-y so he suggested that some people are sub-clinical narcissists and today we have the concept of dark triad or dark personality or dark tetrad various dark personalities where people are not narcissists but they are almost narcissists
123. 85:05 subclinical under the clinical diagram cannot be diagnosed but they’re still highly narcissistic and yes these techniques apply to these people cptsd or complex trauma in childhood can lead to multiple outcomes not necessarily narcissism actually statistically the majority of children exposed to what we call ace adverse childhood experiences so majority of children exposed to ace um remain totally healthy lifelong only a very small minority develop mental health disorders depending also on the severity subclinical under the clinical diagram cannot be diagnosed but they’re still highly narcissistic and yes these techniques apply to these people cptsd or complex trauma in childhood can lead to multiple outcomes not necessarily narcissism actually statistically the majority of children exposed to what we call ace adverse childhood experiences so majority of children exposed to ace um remain totally healthy lifelong only a very small minority develop mental health disorders depending also on the severity
124. 86:00 of the abuse in early childhood some of them become narcissists some of them become borderline and some of them become codependent so the etiology the reason the causes for these three disorders is the same the reason the narcissist resonates so powerfully with the codependent the reason the borderline is attracted irresistibly to the narcissist is because we all come from the same family we all had the same experiences we are brothers in arms and sisters in arms we immediately resonate with each other because we have of the abuse in early childhood some of them become narcissists some of them become borderline and some of them become codependent so the etiology the reason the causes for these three disorders is the same the reason the narcissist resonates so powerfully with the codependent the reason the borderline is attracted irresistibly to the narcissist is because we all come from the same family we all had the same experiences we are brothers in arms and sisters in arms we immediately resonate with each other because we have
125. 86:44 the same common causality it’s called in psychology etiology the same so codependency narcissism borderline these are abused children who chose different strategies of coping with the abuse actually there’s a guy called grotstein psychoanalyst he said that borderlines are children who had who had tried to become narcissists and had failed or were not allowed to become narcissists their grandiosity was suppressed somehow so they failed and they remained stuck in borderline yes narcissism is the same common causality it’s called in psychology etiology the same so codependency narcissism borderline these are abused children who chose different strategies of coping with the abuse actually there’s a guy called grotstein psychoanalyst he said that borderlines are children who had who had tried to become narcissists and had failed or were not allowed to become narcissists their grandiosity was suppressed somehow so they failed and they remained stuck in borderline yes narcissism is
126. 87:24 adhd is often misdiagnosed as narcissism and vice versa i have actually two videos if i remember correctly exactly about this topic generally speaking by the way it’s a a reasonable idea i think to search a channel um you know there’s a magnifying glass thingy you click on it and then it tells you to search the channel type the keyword type adhd and you will see a list of the videos that i’ve made on the topic you must keep your child out of there you must keep your child out of of your uncomfortable relationship with adhd is often misdiagnosed as narcissism and vice versa i have actually two videos if i remember correctly exactly about this topic generally speaking by the way it’s a a reasonable idea i think to search a channel um you know there’s a magnifying glass thingy you click on it and then it tells you to search the channel type the keyword type adhd and you will see a list of the videos that i’ve made on the topic you must keep your child out of there you must keep your child out of of your uncomfortable relationship with
127. 88:15 your with your ex it’s a generally good advice even if your ex is totally healthy the child should never be involved converted into intermediary parentified the child should not be your ally against the other parent you should not bed mouth the other parent to the child the child should be i insulated from any conflict you may have directly or indirectly with a partner how do you handle the people who don’t see the behavior that you’re dealing with they think your partner is a wonderful person it’s very common your with your ex it’s a generally good advice even if your ex is totally healthy the child should never be involved converted into intermediary parentified the child should not be your ally against the other parent you should not bed mouth the other parent to the child the child should be i insulated from any conflict you may have directly or indirectly with a partner how do you handle the people who don’t see the behavior that you’re dealing with they think your partner is a wonderful person it’s very common
128. 89:05 narcissists present a facade they present one facet to the external world and they’re charming they’re amazing they’re altruistic they’re charitable they’re wise they’re intelligent and then you get to meet them in person as an intimate partner a neighbor a friend doesn’t matter and you discover that their narcissist and the reason is not because the narcissists are coming and skimming and they want to deceive the reason is that when the narcissist is not invested emotionally narcissists present a facade they present one facet to the external world and they’re charming they’re amazing they’re altruistic they’re charitable they’re wise they’re intelligent and then you get to meet them in person as an intimate partner a neighbor a friend doesn’t matter and you discover that their narcissist and the reason is not because the narcissists are coming and skimming and they want to deceive the reason is that when the narcissist is not invested emotionally
129. 89:42 in obtaining supply they don’t care to be narcissists narcissism pathological narcissism is a technique a very evolved adaptation a very evolved technique to obtain supply if i see you if i’m a narcissist and i see you and i don’t think i can get any supply from you i’m not going to be narcissistic with you because i can’t give you supply i don’t care about you and i may even appear to be charming and you know but if i can extract supply from you one way or another my narcissism kicks in so in obtaining supply they don’t care to be narcissists narcissism pathological narcissism is a technique a very evolved adaptation a very evolved technique to obtain supply if i see you if i’m a narcissist and i see you and i don’t think i can get any supply from you i’m not going to be narcissistic with you because i can’t give you supply i don’t care about you and i may even appear to be charming and you know but if i can extract supply from you one way or another my narcissism kicks in so
130. 90:20 narcissism is in a dormant hibernating state with people who are not potential sources of supply or potential intimate partners in your shared fantasy it kicks in it’s activated by the presence of potential sources of potential partners how does the narcissist deal with his money he spends it in the narcissist mind money is a symbol of love so it symbolizes love so if he becomes rich or makes money and so on the universe loves him it’s a substitute for lovability many narcissists will tell you narcissism is in a dormant hibernating state with people who are not potential sources of supply or potential intimate partners in your shared fantasy it kicks in it’s activated by the presence of potential sources of potential partners how does the narcissist deal with his money he spends it in the narcissist mind money is a symbol of love so it symbolizes love so if he becomes rich or makes money and so on the universe loves him it’s a substitute for lovability many narcissists will tell you
131. 91:04 i don’t care if i’m loved i don’t care if people love me i’m rich it’s like i’m not lovable but god loves me the universe loves me now in the 17th century this was official the puritan churches in the in the united kingdom the very same people who had established the united states of america they believed that if god loves you he will make you rich and if you are rich god loves you it’s proof that god loves you how narcissistic is this are narcissists more prone to commit i don’t care if i’m loved i don’t care if people love me i’m rich it’s like i’m not lovable but god loves me the universe loves me now in the 17th century this was official the puritan churches in the in the united kingdom the very same people who had established the united states of america they believed that if god loves you he will make you rich and if you are rich god loves you it’s proof that god loves you how narcissistic is this are narcissists more prone to commit
132. 91:49 serious offenses no actually because narcissists depend on people for narcissistic supply they are unlikely to be antisocial in this way um the many narcissists are actually pro-social communal i’ve i coined the phrase pro-social or communal narcissist to describe narcissists who contribute to society they’re very creative their leaders their innovators their thinkers their gurus religious leaders and so on and so many nurses are like that many narcissists are proud of being morally superior serious offenses no actually because narcissists depend on people for narcissistic supply they are unlikely to be antisocial in this way um the many narcissists are actually pro-social communal i’ve i coined the phrase pro-social or communal narcissist to describe narcissists who contribute to society they’re very creative their leaders their innovators their thinkers their gurus religious leaders and so on and so many nurses are like that many narcissists are proud of being morally superior
133. 92:30 psychopaths commit serious offenses and serious crimes and unfortunately online there is a god-awful confusion between psychopaths and narcissists and this is one example uh i’m sorry i’m reading many things which are not questions what determines the switch from honeymoon phase to the shared fantasy the honeymoon phase is part of the short fantasy the narcissist first creates the shirt fantasy in his mind then he needs a partner so he uses love bombing and grooming and honeymoon which is part of the psychopaths commit serious offenses and serious crimes and unfortunately online there is a god-awful confusion between psychopaths and narcissists and this is one example uh i’m sorry i’m reading many things which are not questions what determines the switch from honeymoon phase to the shared fantasy the honeymoon phase is part of the short fantasy the narcissist first creates the shirt fantasy in his mind then he needs a partner so he uses love bombing and grooming and honeymoon which is part of the
134. 93:58 honeymoon phase he uses that to condition a partner to take over her mind and co-opt her make her wish make her want to be a part of the shirt fantasy so the shirt fantasy is a little like um like a shop you know you have a store a bookstore a record store and a store and then you want customers to come in so you advertise love bombing and so on is advertising marketing but the store the shirt fantasy exists before nice is crazy and this is okay who am i gonna lure into my my bluebeard cave if the mother keeps rescuing the honeymoon phase he uses that to condition a partner to take over her mind and co-opt her make her wish make her want to be a part of the shirt fantasy so the shirt fantasy is a little like um like a shop you know you have a store a bookstore a record store and a store and then you want customers to come in so you advertise love bombing and so on is advertising marketing but the store the shirt fantasy exists before nice is crazy and this is okay who am i gonna lure into my my bluebeard cave if the mother keeps rescuing the
135. 94:55 narcissist after every fail in his life he won’t hit rock bottom am i right yes of course if you enable the narcissist if he has bad habits like drug consumption or alcoholism or some other forms of addiction or and you enable this you help him if you tolerate without pushback if you adopt some of the techniques like background noise and gray in and so on then yeah he will never hit rock bottom you will be the cushion you will be the buffer you will absorb the blows you will absorb the energy and he will never narcissist after every fail in his life he won’t hit rock bottom am i right yes of course if you enable the narcissist if he has bad habits like drug consumption or alcoholism or some other forms of addiction or and you enable this you help him if you tolerate without pushback if you adopt some of the techniques like background noise and gray in and so on then yeah he will never hit rock bottom you will be the cushion you will be the buffer you will absorb the blows you will absorb the energy and he will never
136. 95:28 experience rock bottom to experience rock bottom the narcissist needs to be mortified by you you need to motivate him and abandon him the only way for narcissists to experience rock bottom actually do they love their actual mothers narcissists are incapable of love get this out now of your dictionaries delete it in the lexicon they’re not capable of loving at all because they learn to associate love with negative outcomes so they don’t want these outcomes anymore so they don’t love do they love their actual mothers experience rock bottom to experience rock bottom the narcissist needs to be mortified by you you need to motivate him and abandon him the only way for narcissists to experience rock bottom actually do they love their actual mothers narcissists are incapable of love get this out now of your dictionaries delete it in the lexicon they’re not capable of loving at all because they learn to associate love with negative outcomes so they don’t want these outcomes anymore so they don’t love do they love their actual mothers
137. 96:08 they are bonded with the mother for life because they didn’t separate from her the role of a good enough mother is to push the child away not to keep him hers forever so the narcissist is strongly bonded with his mother which is paralyzing he is disabled in this sense he has a disability but there’s no love there it’s utterly incapable of love he is incapable though of a shirt fantasy which he mislabels as love he experiences it as love but it’s not love but he calls it love the shirt fantasy he does have they are bonded with the mother for life because they didn’t separate from her the role of a good enough mother is to push the child away not to keep him hers forever so the narcissist is strongly bonded with his mother which is paralyzing he is disabled in this sense he has a disability but there’s no love there it’s utterly incapable of love he is incapable though of a shirt fantasy which he mislabels as love he experiences it as love but it’s not love but he calls it love the shirt fantasy he does have
138. 96:50 starting with his original original mother by the way why are neurotic cerebral narcissists so annoying thank you dear childhood is in intensely a lifetime because of the novelty does the narcissist lose the childhood novelty the narcissist is a lifelong child clinically speaking emotionally he’s a child he never grows up ever period never until he dies and there is literally no way to make him grow up that’s why my cold therapy the new therapy that i invented is a child therapy i think the huge mistake of starting with his original original mother by the way why are neurotic cerebral narcissists so annoying thank you dear childhood is in intensely a lifetime because of the novelty does the narcissist lose the childhood novelty the narcissist is a lifelong child clinically speaking emotionally he’s a child he never grows up ever period never until he dies and there is literally no way to make him grow up that’s why my cold therapy the new therapy that i invented is a child therapy i think the huge mistake of
139. 97:46 other therapies is that they’re trying to work with the narcissist as if the narcissist were an adult which is not he’s a child but the problem is he’s a dead child he’s a child who killed himself he created a false self and then he committed suicide he sacrificed himself to default self so it’s not a child that’s why the narcissist can literally not experience reality in any way not even by a novel to you because it’s dead it’s totally dead inside there is utter emptiness there other therapies is that they’re trying to work with the narcissist as if the narcissist were an adult which is not he’s a child but the problem is he’s a dead child he’s a child who killed himself he created a false self and then he committed suicide he sacrificed himself to default self so it’s not a child that’s why the narcissist can literally not experience reality in any way not even by a novel to you because it’s dead it’s totally dead inside there is utter emptiness there
140. 98:21 it’s um impossible to communicate because how do you communicate in absence all our language is geared and aimed to describe objects things that exist but the narcissist doesn’t exist it’s an absence it’s not even a vampire vampires exist have you made a video about cluster b disorders in walk people yes actually they have made several videos about victimhood movements and victim lifelong victims and victimhood as an identity and so on and so on and there’s a playlist on my channel there’s a playlist titled it’s um impossible to communicate because how do you communicate in absence all our language is geared and aimed to describe objects things that exist but the narcissist doesn’t exist it’s an absence it’s not even a vampire vampires exist have you made a video about cluster b disorders in walk people yes actually they have made several videos about victimhood movements and victim lifelong victims and victimhood as an identity and so on and so on and there’s a playlist on my channel there’s a playlist titled
141. 99:14 victims and victimhood bon appetit can subclinical people be cured they don’t need to be cured they are subclinical they don’t have a diagnosis they’re just for example if they are they are sub clinical narcissists they’re they’re grandiose they’re jerks but there’s nothing to cure because they still have empathy access to emotions and so on they’re just you know insensitive or the overly emotional narcissist is called borderline yes when i say there is a question what if victims and victimhood bon appetit can subclinical people be cured they don’t need to be cured they are subclinical they don’t have a diagnosis they’re just for example if they are they are sub clinical narcissists they’re they’re grandiose they’re jerks but there’s nothing to cure because they still have empathy access to emotions and so on they’re just you know insensitive or the overly emotional narcissist is called borderline yes when i say there is a question what if
142. 100:04 grandma is the one who raised the child is she responsible for his narcissism the answer is yes it doesn’t have to be the biological mother the mother who contributed the egg it has to be the female person who had raised the child from age six months onwards so if this female person were the grandmother then yeah he would separate individuate from her or he would fail to separate individually from her even a father even a male who fulfills the role of a mother from age six months is a mother grandma is the one who raised the child is she responsible for his narcissism the answer is yes it doesn’t have to be the biological mother the mother who contributed the egg it has to be the female person who had raised the child from age six months onwards so if this female person were the grandmother then yeah he would separate individuate from her or he would fail to separate individually from her even a father even a male who fulfills the role of a mother from age six months is a mother
143. 100:43 in psychological terms it does it’s denied to do it whether you have a penis or a vagina whether you are a biological mother or biological the person who fulfilled the role of a mother from age six months to age 24 months very good question how do you start to tell the difference between his voice in my head and my god voice your god voice um loves you kind of your god voice is positive about you your god voice tells you you’re great you’re perfect you’re amazing you’re unprecedented you’re fascinating you’re in psychological terms it does it’s denied to do it whether you have a penis or a vagina whether you are a biological mother or biological the person who fulfilled the role of a mother from age six months to age 24 months very good question how do you start to tell the difference between his voice in my head and my god voice your god voice um loves you kind of your god voice is positive about you your god voice tells you you’re great you’re perfect you’re amazing you’re unprecedented you’re fascinating you’re
144. 101:23 beautiful you’re this or that your god voice would never be negative the narcissist voice in your head would be only negative even though he had idealized you at the beginning the narcissist voice in your head all of them by the way would be negative the voices of the narcissist in your head are activated mainly during the devaluation and discard phase before that you have idealization so before the voices are activated you have a period of idealization where the narcissist gives you access to his mind beautiful you’re this or that your god voice would never be negative the narcissist voice in your head would be only negative even though he had idealized you at the beginning the narcissist voice in your head all of them by the way would be negative the voices of the narcissist in your head are activated mainly during the devaluation and discard phase before that you have idealization so before the voices are activated you have a period of idealization where the narcissist gives you access to his mind
145. 102:02 during the idealization phase you access the narcissist’s mind he doesn’t access your mind you access his mind in order to see yourself to fall in love with yourself as an idealized image then you start to deviate from the snapshot narcissist gets very angry at you then he activates the introjects in your head so they are mostly negative they will tell you you’re bad you betrayed me you’re failure you’re inadequate you’re wrong you’re stupid you’re crazy or this kind of thing during the idealization phase you access the narcissist’s mind he doesn’t access your mind you access his mind in order to see yourself to fall in love with yourself as an idealized image then you start to deviate from the snapshot narcissist gets very angry at you then he activates the introjects in your head so they are mostly negative they will tell you you’re bad you betrayed me you’re failure you’re inadequate you’re wrong you’re stupid you’re crazy or this kind of thing
146. 102:36 your god voice would never say these things ever therapists in poland the only one i know is dagger dagger zukowska and the fact that i’m collaborating with her shows what i think about her i think she has their own youtube channel where there’s excellent material in polish um about cluster b personality disorders narcissistic abuse and so on and i’ve i’ve made a few videos with her and i highly i hold her in high regards i know that she constantly reads and updates herself and so on she’s your god voice would never say these things ever therapists in poland the only one i know is dagger dagger zukowska and the fact that i’m collaborating with her shows what i think about her i think she has their own youtube channel where there’s excellent material in polish um about cluster b personality disorders narcissistic abuse and so on and i’ve i’ve made a few videos with her and i highly i hold her in high regards i know that she constantly reads and updates herself and so on she’s
147. 103:31 i would i don’t recommend therapies but the fact that i work with her i think is a recommendation is it common for other narcissists for nurses to see other people as machines yes actually narcissists regard themselves as machines they regard themselves as robots and narcissists would often brag and say wow i’m as efficient as a computer or my mind is so full of information like like wikipedia which is essentially a computerized tool yeah or he would say i’m like a robot or indestructible i would i don’t recommend therapies but the fact that i work with her i think is a recommendation is it common for other narcissists for nurses to see other people as machines yes actually narcissists regard themselves as machines they regard themselves as robots and narcissists would often brag and say wow i’m as efficient as a computer or my mind is so full of information like like wikipedia which is essentially a computerized tool yeah or he would say i’m like a robot or indestructible
148. 104:09 i’m like a warplane they compare themselves to machinery and devices because machinery and devices are invulnerable cannot be destroyed and they are like artificial intelligence and this kind of advanced computing like um extended reality or metaverso because they dream of integrating with superior technologies which would render them more superior and of course they see other people as machines but inferior machines analog machines if you wish so yes they can’t see other people as separate because they had never i’m like a warplane they compare themselves to machinery and devices because machinery and devices are invulnerable cannot be destroyed and they are like artificial intelligence and this kind of advanced computing like um extended reality or metaverso because they dream of integrating with superior technologies which would render them more superior and of course they see other people as machines but inferior machines analog machines if you wish so yes they can’t see other people as separate because they had never
149. 104:47 separated themselves they can’t see other people as people so they see other people as objects and some of these objects are perceived as machines why do more men have borderline and more women i assume have borderline and more men have narcissism they don’t it’s 50 50. it used to be that way until about 10 years ago so in the in the third edition and fourth edition of the diagnostic and statistical manual it was written that men constitute about 75 of people diagnosed with narcissistic separated themselves they can’t see other people as people so they see other people as objects and some of these objects are perceived as machines why do more men have borderline and more women i assume have borderline and more men have narcissism they don’t it’s 50 50. it used to be that way until about 10 years ago so in the in the third edition and fourth edition of the diagnostic and statistical manual it was written that men constitute about 75 of people diagnosed with narcissistic
150. 105:30 personality disorder that’s no longer true and then diagnostic the fifth edition published in 2013 10 years ago they already said that it’s 50 percent i i actually think that women are becoming more narcissistic than men and many of them are becoming psychopathic i’m seeing it in my practice and i’m seeing it in the in the streets and i’m seeing it when i travel my seminars my students quite a huge population i would say thousands of people i have a strong feeling anecdote not personality disorder that’s no longer true and then diagnostic the fifth edition published in 2013 10 years ago they already said that it’s 50 percent i i actually think that women are becoming more narcissistic than men and many of them are becoming psychopathic i’m seeing it in my practice and i’m seeing it in the in the streets and i’m seeing it when i travel my seminars my students quite a huge population i would say thousands of people i have a strong feeling anecdote not
151. 106:02 supported by research just my feeling my intuition that women are becoming more narcissistic and psychopathic than men it also makes sense because women are taking over the roles of men millions women are becoming what men used to be so they’re becoming me women are the new men they engage in male behaviors like extramarital affairs and casual sex they they drink like men they they work like men women under age 30 make more money than men they earn more fact so of course they become men and supported by research just my feeling my intuition that women are becoming more narcissistic and psychopathic than men it also makes sense because women are taking over the roles of men millions women are becoming what men used to be so they’re becoming me women are the new men they engage in male behaviors like extramarital affairs and casual sex they they drink like men they they work like men women under age 30 make more money than men they earn more fact so of course they become men and
152. 106:38 as they become men they would be more narcissistic more psychopathic among borderlines it’s also 50 50. it’s a myth that it’s only but i had suggested that the way borderline manifests in women is not the same way that it manifests in men and i suggested a new diagnosis covert borderline so i think men borderline men are more narcissistic than borderline women but that’s another issue covert borderline you can watch the few videos i made and the presentation i made mcgill university as they become men they would be more narcissistic more psychopathic among borderlines it’s also 50 50. it’s a myth that it’s only but i had suggested that the way borderline manifests in women is not the same way that it manifests in men and i suggested a new diagnosis covert borderline so i think men borderline men are more narcissistic than borderline women but that’s another issue covert borderline you can watch the few videos i made and the presentation i made mcgill university
153. 107:13 about the covert borderline i am not answering questions i’m ignoring questions where i have multiple videos about the topic i encourage you again to go and watch uh to go and search the channel magnifying glass click search channel use the keywords and regarding borderline there’s a whole a whole playlist with 74 [Music] videos i keep losing keep losing my place i don’t know why what am i doing wow i don’t know where i was give me a sec i lost my place okay there are there are too many here about the covert borderline i am not answering questions i’m ignoring questions where i have multiple videos about the topic i encourage you again to go and watch uh to go and search the channel magnifying glass click search channel use the keywords and regarding borderline there’s a whole a whole playlist with 74 [Music] videos i keep losing keep losing my place i don’t know why what am i doing wow i don’t know where i was give me a sec i lost my place okay there are there are too many here
154. 108:14 i’m limited by time but i will just i lost my place i’m gonna just pick up wherever under what conditions will they accept that they are wrong about how they speak to you and always trying to reflect on you is a wrongdoing one narcissists will admit that they’re wrong in two situations where the locus of grandiosity is about being wrong i will explain this in a minute and where they hold the locus of grandiosity is about being moral morally superior the locus of grandiosity is a very very important i’m limited by time but i will just i lost my place i’m gonna just pick up wherever under what conditions will they accept that they are wrong about how they speak to you and always trying to reflect on you is a wrongdoing one narcissists will admit that they’re wrong in two situations where the locus of grandiosity is about being wrong i will explain this in a minute and where they hold the locus of grandiosity is about being moral morally superior the locus of grandiosity is a very very important
155. 109:03 concept very misunderstood very misrepresented online by self-styled experts and there because everyone and his dog is an expert now yeah and don’t be impressed with academic degrees even if someone has an academic degree narcissism is a field cluster b is a field if he’s not in the field his academic degree is meaningless or her academic degree is meaningless so there’s a lot of mess god awful mess about narcissism online and one of the main problems is the locus of grandiosity narcissists concept very misunderstood very misrepresented online by self-styled experts and there because everyone and his dog is an expert now yeah and don’t be impressed with academic degrees even if someone has an academic degree narcissism is a field cluster b is a field if he’s not in the field his academic degree is meaningless or her academic degree is meaningless so there’s a lot of mess god awful mess about narcissism online and one of the main problems is the locus of grandiosity narcissists
156. 109:39 want to be the ultimate so they want to be the ultimate ultimately rich person the ultimately powerful person but they can also be the ultimate failure the ultimate loser the ultimately unfortunate person as long as it’s ultimate unprecedented amazing unique it’s okay the narcissist can be the ultimate victim we all know victims who are actually narcissists and they are using their victimhood to get supply so if the narcissist’s locus of grandiosity is about being wrong like he could say want to be the ultimate so they want to be the ultimate ultimately rich person the ultimately powerful person but they can also be the ultimate failure the ultimate loser the ultimately unfortunate person as long as it’s ultimate unprecedented amazing unique it’s okay the narcissist can be the ultimate victim we all know victims who are actually narcissists and they are using their victimhood to get supply so if the narcissist’s locus of grandiosity is about being wrong like he could say
157. 110:25 my mind is so crazy i can never get anything right and this is his claim to fame this is his this is his grandiosity then he will admit being wrong similarly if the narcissist’s claim to fame his if his grandiosity is about being super moral more moral and ethical than any living human being than he would with false modesty he would admit to having made a mistake and it’s like he would tell you you see you see what an amazing person i am you see what a greatly moral and ethical person i am i’m admitting to my mistakes my mind is so crazy i can never get anything right and this is his claim to fame this is his this is his grandiosity then he will admit being wrong similarly if the narcissist’s claim to fame his if his grandiosity is about being super moral more moral and ethical than any living human being than he would with false modesty he would admit to having made a mistake and it’s like he would tell you you see you see what an amazing person i am you see what a greatly moral and ethical person i am i’m admitting to my mistakes
158. 111:05 it makes me superior because by admitting to my mistakes i’m morally superior so let’s see answer two questions how do we diagnose how do we diagnose npd we use specialized tests which i’m very skeptical about the most common is known as mpi narcissistic personality inventory better ones are mmpi and so on so their tests the problem with many of these tests not all of them but the problem with many of these tests they rely on the honesty of the narcissist not bad as a joke wouldn’t you agree it makes me superior because by admitting to my mistakes i’m morally superior so let’s see answer two questions how do we diagnose how do we diagnose npd we use specialized tests which i’m very skeptical about the most common is known as mpi narcissistic personality inventory better ones are mmpi and so on so their tests the problem with many of these tests not all of them but the problem with many of these tests they rely on the honesty of the narcissist not bad as a joke wouldn’t you agree
159. 111:57 so they rely on what we call self-reporting the narcissist has to report about himself sincerely and honestly and so the test relies on this so i think the better way to diagnose npd is to spend some time with a with a person with a patient as a therapist or counselor or psychologist spend some time with the patient someone with narcissistic personality disorder cannot hide it trust me never mind how hard he tries finally it will erupt somehow he will compete with the therapist or will he challenge the therapist he will so they rely on what we call self-reporting the narcissist has to report about himself sincerely and honestly and so the test relies on this so i think the better way to diagnose npd is to spend some time with a with a person with a patient as a therapist or counselor or psychologist spend some time with the patient someone with narcissistic personality disorder cannot hide it trust me never mind how hard he tries finally it will erupt somehow he will compete with the therapist or will he challenge the therapist he will
160. 112:36 humiliate the therapist he will make special demands because he’s entitled he will brag he will ultimately a trained a trained diagnostician will be able to say well this guy has or this girl they have you know npd or suspected mpd and then there’s something called structured interviews so there are ways to diagnose regrettably npd is a new topic relatively speaking a new topic it was introduced to the dsm only 40 years ago 40 years in terms of science is nothing so there are not too many people who know humiliate the therapist he will make special demands because he’s entitled he will brag he will ultimately a trained a trained diagnostician will be able to say well this guy has or this girl they have you know npd or suspected mpd and then there’s something called structured interviews so there are ways to diagnose regrettably npd is a new topic relatively speaking a new topic it was introduced to the dsm only 40 years ago 40 years in terms of science is nothing so there are not too many people who know
161. 113:16 what they are talking about about when when they discuss npd and that includes most youtubers literally most of them they spew nonsense in commercial quantities and they mislead all of you i i am flabbergasted at this phenomenon i started the whole thing in 1995 i’ve been alone for 10 years but in my worst nightmares i did not expect this to happen the total contamination of the field by nonsense and worse than nonsense so i don’t know if there are diagnosticians i can trust but yeah there should be what they are talking about about when when they discuss npd and that includes most youtubers literally most of them they spew nonsense in commercial quantities and they mislead all of you i i am flabbergasted at this phenomenon i started the whole thing in 1995 i’ve been alone for 10 years but in my worst nightmares i did not expect this to happen the total contamination of the field by nonsense and worse than nonsense so i don’t know if there are diagnosticians i can trust but yeah there should be
162. 113:56 there should be you should ask about their experience you should ask are you experienced did you ever diagnose mpd how many did you diagnose how do you diagnose and so what happens if motif motification doesn’t get treated how does the spontaneous course of development look like lifelong depression no not lifelong depression i have made several videos about modification where i answer your question so i refer you to this why does the narcissist believe that they exude power and control over you there should be you should ask about their experience you should ask are you experienced did you ever diagnose mpd how many did you diagnose how do you diagnose and so what happens if motif motification doesn’t get treated how does the spontaneous course of development look like lifelong depression no not lifelong depression i have made several videos about modification where i answer your question so i refer you to this why does the narcissist believe that they exude power and control over you
163. 114:37 when they discard you even when you remain no contact and do not respond to their every attempt to communicate they believe that because they are right their introjects are inside your voice your head they can activate these introjects they believe given access to you even fleeting minute access even a split second they have inside your head activation switches that can activate these switches that’s a danger and anyone who has been a victim of narcissist will tell you this that even one minute encounter with the when they discard you even when you remain no contact and do not respond to their every attempt to communicate they believe that because they are right their introjects are inside your voice your head they can activate these introjects they believe given access to you even fleeting minute access even a split second they have inside your head activation switches that can activate these switches that’s a danger and anyone who has been a victim of narcissist will tell you this that even one minute encounter with the
164. 115:13 narcissist is very destabilizing very anxiety producing you know it’s it’s a shocking experience even one minute meeting with the disc with the nazis who had discarded you why because they have this introduced they have this power over you they’re inside your head how do i feel about radical feminism is not honestly the topic of this of this seminar but again there is a playlist on my channel titled contemporary sexuality and my make my view very clear my dim view very clear sam my both partners at foot fetish do narcissist is very destabilizing very anxiety producing you know it’s it’s a shocking experience even one minute meeting with the disc with the nazis who had discarded you why because they have this introduced they have this power over you they’re inside your head how do i feel about radical feminism is not honestly the topic of this of this seminar but again there is a playlist on my channel titled contemporary sexuality and my make my view very clear my dim view very clear sam my both partners at foot fetish do
165. 115:58 you know where this is coming from first of all i have food fetish so i’m an authority on the topic and we are not sure we are not sure because fetishism is an understudied taboo topic in many respects the part of the body could be boobs could be feet could be anything ears the part of the body represents the totality of the body something called cynic dog so it’s interacting with the part is like interacting with the whole body and this could be either because of early exposure to the part in a sexual you know where this is coming from first of all i have food fetish so i’m an authority on the topic and we are not sure we are not sure because fetishism is an understudied taboo topic in many respects the part of the body could be boobs could be feet could be anything ears the part of the body represents the totality of the body something called cynic dog so it’s interacting with the part is like interacting with the whole body and this could be either because of early exposure to the part in a sexual
166. 116:35 context because it feels much more safe to interact with the part and with the whole fear of intimacy for example fear of performance um because arousal is mediated through the part in other words there are arousal issues and the part is like a trigger or like a switch because kink in general is appealing to some people and this is considered the epitome of king and many other reasons i have however i believe i may be wrong i apologize if i’m i think i have a video of about fetishism where i explain food fatigue and other context because it feels much more safe to interact with the part and with the whole fear of intimacy for example fear of performance um because arousal is mediated through the part in other words there are arousal issues and the part is like a trigger or like a switch because kink in general is appealing to some people and this is considered the epitome of king and many other reasons i have however i believe i may be wrong i apologize if i’m i think i have a video of about fetishism where i explain food fatigue and other
167. 117:19 fetishisms again searching if there is alcoholism and npd what and how should be treated first i know that alcoholism is a result but how it should be treated that’s a major question the major question in rehab centers in rehab centers we have dual diagnosis diagnosis we have an alcoholic who is also narcissist or an alcoholic or also psychopath or much more frequently an alcoholic is also a borderline so we’re asking ourselves what should we treat first the borderline the alcohol isn’t what fetishisms again searching if there is alcoholism and npd what and how should be treated first i know that alcoholism is a result but how it should be treated that’s a major question the major question in rehab centers in rehab centers we have dual diagnosis diagnosis we have an alcoholic who is also narcissist or an alcoholic or also psychopath or much more frequently an alcoholic is also a borderline so we’re asking ourselves what should we treat first the borderline the alcohol isn’t what
168. 118:03 the answer is that treating alcoholism is a loss cause largely more than eighty percent of alcoholics eighty eight zero revert to drinking in the year after the rehab the other 20 develop alternative addictions including love addiction by the way they fall in love compulsively and that’s why we recommend to alcoholics who are in rehab to avoid any relationships for one year but we do know for sure that if we don’t treat the underlying personality disorder the recidivism the rate of going back to the answer is that treating alcoholism is a loss cause largely more than eighty percent of alcoholics eighty eight zero revert to drinking in the year after the rehab the other 20 develop alternative addictions including love addiction by the way they fall in love compulsively and that’s why we recommend to alcoholics who are in rehab to avoid any relationships for one year but we do know for sure that if we don’t treat the underlying personality disorder the recidivism the rate of going back to
169. 118:46 alcohol is 100 so the tendency today is to treat the personality disorder while limiting consumption or eliminating consumption and only then to move to the alcoholism itself we consider primary as primary we consider the personality disorder if the narcissist is a child why are they often promiscuous who takes over during the act who told you that promiscuity is not childish it’s absolutely childlike i don’t know how many children you’ve seen children masturbate children explore each other’s body parts children you alcohol is 100 so the tendency today is to treat the personality disorder while limiting consumption or eliminating consumption and only then to move to the alcoholism itself we consider primary as primary we consider the personality disorder if the narcissist is a child why are they often promiscuous who takes over during the act who told you that promiscuity is not childish it’s absolutely childlike i don’t know how many children you’ve seen children masturbate children explore each other’s body parts children you
170. 119:33 know children do everything and much earlier than people believe promiscuity is absolutely childlike because it’s unboundaried it’s grandiose it creates a sense of empowerment and it’s um it has very little real interaction in it very often it’s almost an anonymous act so to speak and it’s an objectifying act promiscuity involves masturbating with the partner’s body in essence so all these are absolutely childlike features infantile features adults don’t do this by the way know children do everything and much earlier than people believe promiscuity is absolutely childlike because it’s unboundaried it’s grandiose it creates a sense of empowerment and it’s um it has very little real interaction in it very often it’s almost an anonymous act so to speak and it’s an objectifying act promiscuity involves masturbating with the partner’s body in essence so all these are absolutely childlike features infantile features adults don’t do this by the way
171. 120:10 just not to exaggerate a phenomenon only about 20 of women are promiscuous and promiscuity is usually a phase usually a phase although regrettably socio-sexually sexually um free more free women women who are promiscuous social sexually unrestricted women although the promiscuity disappears the underlying psychology doesn’t so they’re far more likely to divorce far more likely to cheat and they have much less stable relationships lifelong so you may wish to rethink any attachment to a promiscuous person just not to exaggerate a phenomenon only about 20 of women are promiscuous and promiscuity is usually a phase usually a phase although regrettably socio-sexually sexually um free more free women women who are promiscuous social sexually unrestricted women although the promiscuity disappears the underlying psychology doesn’t so they’re far more likely to divorce far more likely to cheat and they have much less stable relationships lifelong so you may wish to rethink any attachment to a promiscuous person
172. 120:57 it bodes ill for the relationship um is there any hope for co-dependence for healthy life it’s like we can be okay or even thrive only when we’re connected to narcissists like they are our antidepressant as if there is no life without them i think you’re confusing a few issues the vast majority of codependents don’t end up with narcissists there is a subtype of codependents who end up only with narcissists and they’re actually narcissists they are a form of it’s a form of covert it bodes ill for the relationship um is there any hope for co-dependence for healthy life it’s like we can be okay or even thrive only when we’re connected to narcissists like they are our antidepressant as if there is no life without them i think you’re confusing a few issues the vast majority of codependents don’t end up with narcissists there is a subtype of codependents who end up only with narcissists and they’re actually narcissists they are a form of it’s a form of covert
173. 121:51 narcissism it’s also known as narcissist co-dependent core narcissist or originally inverted narcissist which is a diagnosis that i created so inverted narcissists are codependent narcissists who derive their supply from another narcissist from an overt narcissist the vast majority of codependents don’t end up with nonsenses however they end up with other types of intimate partners the co-dependent uses the intimate partner to regulate her moods her emotions her effects to feel safe and so the the partner narcissism it’s also known as narcissist co-dependent core narcissist or originally inverted narcissist which is a diagnosis that i created so inverted narcissists are codependent narcissists who derive their supply from another narcissist from an overt narcissist the vast majority of codependents don’t end up with nonsenses however they end up with other types of intimate partners the co-dependent uses the intimate partner to regulate her moods her emotions her effects to feel safe and so the the partner
174. 122:34 gradually is perceived as an integral part of the co-dependent codependence mind the co-dependent perceived department as a part of her mind it’s called external re-regulation so and this is a generalized problem it’s not only with the narcissist now the prognosis the treatment outcomes for both codependence and borderline is actually extremely good about 80 about 80 percent of people diagnosed with borderline personality disorder they lose the diagnosis by age 45 dbt dialectical behavior therapy is gradually is perceived as an integral part of the co-dependent codependence mind the co-dependent perceived department as a part of her mind it’s called external re-regulation so and this is a generalized problem it’s not only with the narcissist now the prognosis the treatment outcomes for both codependence and borderline is actually extremely good about 80 about 80 percent of people diagnosed with borderline personality disorder they lose the diagnosis by age 45 dbt dialectical behavior therapy is
175. 123:15 extremely successful with borderline personality disorder curing and i’m using the word curing completely healing fifty percent five zero percent of the patients with bpd in codependency the numbers are even better so yes it’s absolutely treatable prognosis is excellent and i would i would urge you if you feel that you’re codependent and end up with dysfunctional bad abusive partners all the time i would urge you absolutely to go to therapy it’s a good investment i have a question i have time for one extremely successful with borderline personality disorder curing and i’m using the word curing completely healing fifty percent five zero percent of the patients with bpd in codependency the numbers are even better so yes it’s absolutely treatable prognosis is excellent and i would i would urge you if you feel that you’re codependent and end up with dysfunctional bad abusive partners all the time i would urge you absolutely to go to therapy it’s a good investment i have a question i have time for one
176. 124:09 more question i’m sorry there are literally dozens if not hundreds here i says i so i wouldn’t need a seminar i would need a lifetime but you know what maybe i’ll make another live thing and just for questions and answers live just for questions answers write if you’re interested wow this thing jumps i was reading a question and then he jumped not using social media is making us happier short answer very much so it reduces depression and anxiety massively and increases depression and anxiety more question i’m sorry there are literally dozens if not hundreds here i says i so i wouldn’t need a seminar i would need a lifetime but you know what maybe i’ll make another live thing and just for questions and answers live just for questions answers write if you’re interested wow this thing jumps i was reading a question and then he jumped not using social media is making us happier short answer very much so it reduces depression and anxiety massively and increases depression and anxiety
177. 124:58 usage using social media increases depression anxiety but especially among young people and people under above age 65. i have dozens of videos about social media many of them are richard grenon available on my channel so search the channel okay i will take one last question what is the upper limit of success in cold therapy i’m not sure what is upper limit core therapy is a new treatment modality and we are still in the in the experimentation phase there have been 72 patients until now the treatment goals are very limited usage using social media increases depression anxiety but especially among young people and people under above age 65. i have dozens of videos about social media many of them are richard grenon available on my channel so search the channel okay i will take one last question what is the upper limit of success in cold therapy i’m not sure what is upper limit core therapy is a new treatment modality and we are still in the in the experimentation phase there have been 72 patients until now the treatment goals are very limited
178. 125:47 cold therapy eliminates grandiosity the false self and the need for supply for narcissistic supply that’s all it does it doesn’t change the narcissist in any other way he’s still lacking empathy still very bad in relationships still abusive i mean nothing changes he just doesn’t need supply anymore makes him more independent in a way i’m not sure that’s a good thing but these 72 patients are very happy except one 71 patients are very happy their lives have changed dramatically they are they cold therapy eliminates grandiosity the false self and the need for supply for narcissistic supply that’s all it does it doesn’t change the narcissist in any other way he’s still lacking empathy still very bad in relationships still abusive i mean nothing changes he just doesn’t need supply anymore makes him more independent in a way i’m not sure that’s a good thing but these 72 patients are very happy except one 71 patients are very happy their lives have changed dramatically they are they
179. 126:21 were all most of them had major depression all their lives they don’t have it anymore one of them the oldest one i mean the earliest patient was about 10 years ago he didn’t have a single episode of depression and he was an extremely depressing person he wouldn’t leave bed wouldn’t take showers for months so he never had it again and he’s off antidepressants he’s off medication so called therapy is also very efficacious with major depression but i was in the process of certifying were all most of them had major depression all their lives they don’t have it anymore one of them the oldest one i mean the earliest patient was about 10 years ago he didn’t have a single episode of depression and he was an extremely depressing person he wouldn’t leave bed wouldn’t take showers for months so he never had it again and he’s off antidepressants he’s off medication so called therapy is also very efficacious with major depression but i was in the process of certifying
180. 126:52 a few hundred therapies around the world i started in vienna in 2017 then in brazil in sao paulo then in in hungary and so on i was in the process and then the pandemic struck so i have to reinvent the wheel i have to start from from scratch and that’s a great pity because we were ready to launch you know therapists all over the world and start to work and there would be would have been a lot more data to answer your question the success rates success rate defies belief if i believe mine included a few hundred therapies around the world i started in vienna in 2017 then in brazil in sao paulo then in in hungary and so on i was in the process and then the pandemic struck so i have to reinvent the wheel i have to start from from scratch and that’s a great pity because we were ready to launch you know therapists all over the world and start to work and there would be would have been a lot more data to answer your question the success rates success rate defies belief if i believe mine included
181. 127:30 but the sample is very small so cannot be normatively validated in other words it’s statistically dubious because it’s a small very small sample and self-selecting these are people who came to me it wasn’t applied to the general population so i didn’t give you an answer a cohort answer okay guys i am grateful for you to you for being here and i will most definitely i see your reactions i will most definitely announce a live event just questions and answers so prepare your questions but the sample is very small so cannot be normatively validated in other words it’s statistically dubious because it’s a small very small sample and self-selecting these are people who came to me it wasn’t applied to the general population so i didn’t give you an answer a cohort answer okay guys i am grateful for you to you for being here and i will most definitely i see your reactions i will most definitely announce a live event just questions and answers so prepare your questions
182. 128:10 and maybe we’ll make it a habit maybe we’ll make it a habit so if i see that there is a good uptake of these live events question and answer events i would make it a habit once a month maybe we will have a two three four hour even event with questions but at this stage i have to call it today and thank you very much for being here stay well stay away from narcissists not not including me not including me and maybe we’ll make it a habit maybe we’ll make it a habit so if i see that there is a good uptake of these live events question and answer events i would make it a habit once a month maybe we will have a two three four hour even event with questions but at this stage i have to call it today and thank you very much for being here stay well stay away from narcissists not not including me not including me