Tip: click a paragraph to jump to the exact moment in the video. Dissociation (Amnesia) & Confabulation in Narcissism (Intl. Conf. Clinical Counseling Psychology)

1. 00:01 dear colleagues my name is Sam vaknin I’m the author of malignant self-love narcissism Revisited and a series of other books about personality disorders I’m a visiting professor of psychology in Southern federal University in noron the Russian Federation and a professor of finance and a professor of psychology in CS cups the center for international Advanced and professional studies welcome to the fourth International Conference on clinical and counseling psychology held in August 2019 in Tokyo dear colleagues my name is Sam vaknin I’m the author of malignant self-love narcissism Revisited and a series of other books about personality disorders I’m a visiting professor of psychology in Southern federal University in noron the Russian Federation and a professor of finance and a professor of psychology in CS cups the center for international Advanced and professional studies welcome to the fourth International Conference on clinical and counseling psychology held in August 2019 in Tokyo
2. 00:39 Japan the topic of my video presentation is dissociation in narcissistic disturbances of the self feedback from other people regulates the narcissist sense of identity sense of selfworth boundaries and even his reality test his correct awareness of the world around him the narcissist needs this constant input to maintain a sense of continuity thus the narcissist nearest and deest is sources of secondary narcissistic Supply they serve as external memories and as flux Regulators their function is to maintain a regular Japan the topic of my video presentation is dissociation in narcissistic disturbances of the self feedback from other people regulates the narcissist sense of identity sense of selfworth boundaries and even his reality test his correct awareness of the world around him the narcissist needs this constant input to maintain a sense of continuity thus the narcissist nearest and deest is sources of secondary narcissistic Supply they serve as external memories and as flux Regulators their function is to maintain a regular
3. 01:22 stable flow of affirming affirming data which leads to coherence The Narcissist was condition from an early age of abuse and Trauma to expect the unexpected his was a world in motion where sometimes sadistically capricious caretakers and peers often engage in arbitrary Behavior The Narcissist was trained to deny his true self and to nurture a false self will discuss it a bit later having invented himself the narcissist sees no problem in Reinventing that which we that that which he had designed in the first place stable flow of affirming affirming data which leads to coherence The Narcissist was condition from an early age of abuse and Trauma to expect the unexpected his was a world in motion where sometimes sadistically capricious caretakers and peers often engage in arbitrary Behavior The Narcissist was trained to deny his true self and to nurture a false self will discuss it a bit later having invented himself the narcissist sees no problem in Reinventing that which we that that which he had designed in the first place
4. 02:07 the narcissist is his own Creator his own God hence his Godlike grandiosity moreover the narcissist is a man for all seasons forever adaptable malleable constantly imitating constantly emulating a human sponge a perfect mirror a non- entity that is at the same time all enti is combined a chameleon or in Woody Allen’s language a zeli the narcissist is best described by S s’s phrase being and nothingness into this reflective vacuum this sucking black hole The Narcissist attracts the sources of his narcissistic the narcissist is his own Creator his own God hence his Godlike grandiosity moreover the narcissist is a man for all seasons forever adaptable malleable constantly imitating constantly emulating a human sponge a perfect mirror a non- entity that is at the same time all enti is combined a chameleon or in Woody Allen’s language a zeli the narcissist is best described by S s’s phrase being and nothingness into this reflective vacuum this sucking black hole The Narcissist attracts the sources of his narcissistic
5. 02:51 Supply to an observer The Narcissist appears to be fractured or discontinuous pathological narcissism had been compared not the least by me to dissociative identity disorder formerly multiple personality disorder by definition The Narcissist has at least two selves his personality is very primitive disorganized living with a narcissist is a noting experience not only because of what he is but because of what he is not he is not a fully formed human but a dizzyingly kaleidoscopic gallery of Mercurial Supply to an observer The Narcissist appears to be fractured or discontinuous pathological narcissism had been compared not the least by me to dissociative identity disorder formerly multiple personality disorder by definition The Narcissist has at least two selves his personality is very primitive disorganized living with a narcissist is a noting experience not only because of what he is but because of what he is not he is not a fully formed human but a dizzyingly kaleidoscopic gallery of Mercurial
6. 03:31 images which melt into each other seamlessly it is incredibly disorienting a shape-shifting experience it is also exceedingly problematic promises made by The Narcissist are easily disowned by him his plans are ephemeral his emotional ties a simulacro most narcissist have one Island in of stability in their lives for example a spouse family their career a hobby their religion country Idol whatever pounded by the turbulent currents of a disheveled existence thus to invest in a narcissist is a purposeless futile and meaningless images which melt into each other seamlessly it is incredibly disorienting a shape-shifting experience it is also exceedingly problematic promises made by The Narcissist are easily disowned by him his plans are ephemeral his emotional ties a simulacro most narcissist have one Island in of stability in their lives for example a spouse family their career a hobby their religion country Idol whatever pounded by the turbulent currents of a disheveled existence thus to invest in a narcissist is a purposeless futile and meaningless
7. 04:13 activity to The Narcissist every day is a new beginning every day is a hunt a new cycle of idealization or evaluation and newly invented self there is no accumulation of credits or Goodwill because the narcissist has no past and he has no future he is eternally present The Narcissist occupies an eternal and Timeless present he is a fossil caught in the Frozen lover of a volcanic childhood The Narcissist does not keep agreements does not adhere to laws and regards consistency and predictability as demeaning traits The Narcissist hates activity to The Narcissist every day is a new beginning every day is a hunt a new cycle of idealization or evaluation and newly invented self there is no accumulation of credits or Goodwill because the narcissist has no past and he has no future he is eternally present The Narcissist occupies an eternal and Timeless present he is a fossil caught in the Frozen lover of a volcanic childhood The Narcissist does not keep agreements does not adhere to laws and regards consistency and predictability as demeaning traits The Narcissist hates
8. 04:52 something one day and devours it passionately the next let’s talk about dissociative gaps and confabulation narcissists and Psychopaths dissociate they erase memories and they do it a lot they are in some ways Amnesia because their contact with the world and with others is via a fictitious construct the false self narcissists never experience reality directly but through a distorting lens Darkly they get rid of any information that challenges their grandio self-perception and the narrative they had constructed to something one day and devours it passionately the next let’s talk about dissociative gaps and confabulation narcissists and Psychopaths dissociate they erase memories and they do it a lot they are in some ways Amnesia because their contact with the world and with others is via a fictitious construct the false self narcissists never experience reality directly but through a distorting lens Darkly they get rid of any information that challenges their grandio self-perception and the narrative they had constructed to
9. 05:29 explicate EX use and legitimize their antisocial self-centered and exploitative behaviors choices and idiosyncrasies narcissis are Onan silos onean confirmation bias bubbles in an attempt to compensate for the yawning gaps in memory narcissists and Psychopaths confabulate they invent plausible plugins and scenarios of how things might could or should have plausibly occurred to out iders these fictional stock gaps appear to be lies but the narcissist fervently believes in the reality of these concoctions these explicate EX use and legitimize their antisocial self-centered and exploitative behaviors choices and idiosyncrasies narcissis are Onan silos onean confirmation bias bubbles in an attempt to compensate for the yawning gaps in memory narcissists and Psychopaths confabulate they invent plausible plugins and scenarios of how things might could or should have plausibly occurred to out iders these fictional stock gaps appear to be lies but the narcissist fervently believes in the reality of these concoctions these
10. 06:09 pieces of fiction he may not actually remember what had happened but surely it could not have happened any other way he tells himself and others these tenuous concocted fillers are subject to frequent revision revision as the narcissist inner world and external circumstances evolve this is why narcissist and Psychopaths often contradict themselves tomorrow’s contul often negates yesterdays the narcissist and Psychopaths do not remember their previous Tales because they are not invested with the emotions and pieces of fiction he may not actually remember what had happened but surely it could not have happened any other way he tells himself and others these tenuous concocted fillers are subject to frequent revision revision as the narcissist inner world and external circumstances evolve this is why narcissist and Psychopaths often contradict themselves tomorrow’s contul often negates yesterdays the narcissist and Psychopaths do not remember their previous Tales because they are not invested with the emotions and
11. 06:43 cognitions that are integral parts of real memories they there is no cathexis they are not cathected to use um psychodynamic or psychoanalytic language but what is this false self and what is this true self we ofer Marvel at the discrepancy between the private and public lives of our Idols celebrities Statesmen writer Stars writers and other accomplished figures it is as though they have two personalities two selves the true one which they reserve for their nearest and dearest than the fake one or false or cognitions that are integral parts of real memories they there is no cathexis they are not cathected to use um psychodynamic or psychoanalytic language but what is this false self and what is this true self we ofer Marvel at the discrepancy between the private and public lives of our Idols celebrities Statesmen writer Stars writers and other accomplished figures it is as though they have two personalities two selves the true one which they reserve for their nearest and dearest than the fake one or false or
12. 07:18 concocted one which they flaunt in public in contrast the narcissist has not private life no true self no domain reserved exclusively for his nearest dearest his life is a spectacle with free access to all constantly on display garnering narcissistic Supply from his audience in the theater that is the narcissist life the actor is irrelevant Only The Show Goes On The False self is everything The Narcissist would have liked to be but alas cannot it is omnipotent it is omniscient invulnerable impregnable brilliant perfect concocted one which they flaunt in public in contrast the narcissist has not private life no true self no domain reserved exclusively for his nearest dearest his life is a spectacle with free access to all constantly on display garnering narcissistic Supply from his audience in the theater that is the narcissist life the actor is irrelevant Only The Show Goes On The False self is everything The Narcissist would have liked to be but alas cannot it is omnipotent it is omniscient invulnerable impregnable brilliant perfect
13. 08:00 in short Godlike its most important role is to elicit narcissistic Supply from others the false self is there to obtain admiration adulation or obedience and in general unseizing attention in Freud’s triarte model the false self supplants the ego and conforms to the narcissist unattainable grandio and fantastic ego ideal The Narcissist constructs A Narrative of his life that is partly confabulated as we have mentioned before and whose purpose is to butress demonstrate and prove the veracity of the fantastically grandiose in short Godlike its most important role is to elicit narcissistic Supply from others the false self is there to obtain admiration adulation or obedience and in general unseizing attention in Freud’s triarte model the false self supplants the ego and conforms to the narcissist unattainable grandio and fantastic ego ideal The Narcissist constructs A Narrative of his life that is partly confabulated as we have mentioned before and whose purpose is to butress demonstrate and prove the veracity of the fantastically grandiose
14. 08:40 and often impossible claims made by the false self this narrative allocates roles to significant others in the narcissist personal history inevitably such a narrative is hard to credibly sustain for long reality intrudes on it and a yawning abast opens between the narcissist self- imputed Divinity and his drab pedestrian existence and attributes I call this Abyss this Gap the grandiosity Gap additionally meaningful figures around the noesis often refuse to play the parts allotted to them they Rebel they abandon the and often impossible claims made by the false self this narrative allocates roles to significant others in the narcissist personal history inevitably such a narrative is hard to credibly sustain for long reality intrudes on it and a yawning abast opens between the narcissist self- imputed Divinity and his drab pedestrian existence and attributes I call this Abyss this Gap the grandiosity Gap additionally meaningful figures around the noesis often refuse to play the parts allotted to them they Rebel they abandon the
15. 09:20 narcissist The Narcissist copes with this painful and ineluctable realization of the divorce between his self-deception and these less than stellar State of Affairs by first denying reality delusionally ignoring and filtering out all inconvenient truths then if this coping mechanism if this coping strategy of denial fails The Narcissist inance a new narrative which accommodates and incorporates the very intrusive data that serve to undermine the previous now discarded narrative he even goes to the extent of denying that narcissist The Narcissist copes with this painful and ineluctable realization of the divorce between his self-deception and these less than stellar State of Affairs by first denying reality delusionally ignoring and filtering out all inconvenient truths then if this coping mechanism if this coping strategy of denial fails The Narcissist inance a new narrative which accommodates and incorporates the very intrusive data that serve to undermine the previous now discarded narrative he even goes to the extent of denying that
16. 09:57 he had ever that he ever had an narrative except the current modified one or that he ever denied um counterveiling information the narcissist and by the way the codependence injects and inner voices assimilated representations of parents role models and significant fears these injects are mostly negative and sadistic rather than provide sore motivation in Direction This inner critic enhances the narcissist underlying ego disty discontent with who he is and the lability and the lability of his sense of he had ever that he ever had an narrative except the current modified one or that he ever denied um counterveiling information the narcissist and by the way the codependence injects and inner voices assimilated representations of parents role models and significant fears these injects are mostly negative and sadistic rather than provide sore motivation in Direction This inner critic enhances the narcissist underlying ego disty discontent with who he is and the lability and the lability of his sense of
17. 10:36 self-worth these voices induce in the child shame blame pain guilt rage and a monopoly of other negative emotions which he carries forward into adulthood not the least of which is Envy as Lydia rangelova notes the Paradox is that the child’s ego distonic shame and guilt emanate from the very primitive defenses that later comprise and underly his false self having been told repeatedly how bad worthless disappointing and injurious he is the child comes to believe in his self- imputed delusional ability to hurt and self-worth these voices induce in the child shame blame pain guilt rage and a monopoly of other negative emotions which he carries forward into adulthood not the least of which is Envy as Lydia rangelova notes the Paradox is that the child’s ego distonic shame and guilt emanate from the very primitive defenses that later comprise and underly his false self having been told repeatedly how bad worthless disappointing and injurious he is the child comes to believe in his self- imputed delusional ability to hurt and
18. 11:14 damage family members for instance such imaginary capacity is a logical extension of both the child’s grandiosity omnipotence I have the power to hurt Mommy and his magical thinking I think I wish I hate I rage I envy and thereby with the unlimited power of my mind I cause real calamities out there in the real world so it is the child’s natural primary narcissistic defenses that enable the child to feel so miserable in the first place these defenses allow the child to construct a narrative which corresponds damage family members for instance such imaginary capacity is a logical extension of both the child’s grandiosity omnipotence I have the power to hurt Mommy and his magical thinking I think I wish I hate I rage I envy and thereby with the unlimited power of my mind I cause real calamities out there in the real world so it is the child’s natural primary narcissistic defenses that enable the child to feel so miserable in the first place these defenses allow the child to construct a narrative which corresponds
19. 11:52 to and justifies the judgmental hateful appraisal and taunts of his abusers in the child child’s young mind he accepts that he is bad because he is all powerful and magical and because he leverages his Godlike attributes to act with malice or at the very least to bring Misfortune on significant others to skirt to avoid this inner overwhelming negativity the child appropriates precisely these defenses he bundles them into a protective shield thus sequestering his vulnerable friend fragile self from to and justifies the judgmental hateful appraisal and taunts of his abusers in the child child’s young mind he accepts that he is bad because he is all powerful and magical and because he leverages his Godlike attributes to act with malice or at the very least to bring Misfortune on significant others to skirt to avoid this inner overwhelming negativity the child appropriates precisely these defenses he bundles them into a protective shield thus sequestering his vulnerable friend fragile self from
20. 12:31 reality occupied by the ongoing project of his buding pathological narcissism the child’s defenses are no longer available to construct and butress the narratives offered by the abusive voices of his tormentors moreover by owning his fantastic grandiosity and harnessing it the child feels as empowered as his abusers no longer a victim injects as we all know possess a crucial role in the for of an exegetic interpretative framework which allows one to decipher the world construct a model of reality of one’s reality occupied by the ongoing project of his buding pathological narcissism the child’s defenses are no longer available to construct and butress the narratives offered by the abusive voices of his tormentors moreover by owning his fantastic grandiosity and harnessing it the child feels as empowered as his abusers no longer a victim injects as we all know possess a crucial role in the for of an exegetic interpretative framework which allows one to decipher the world construct a model of reality of one’s
21. 13:08 place in it and consequently of who once is self identity heroics is identity overwhelmingly negative injects or injects which are manifestly fake fallacious and manipulative hamper the narcissist and codependent ability to construct a true and efficacious interpretative framework gradually the disharmony between one’s perception of the universe and of oneself and reality becomes unbearable and engenders pathological Mal adoptive and dysfunctional attempts to either deny the hurtful discrepancy Away by place in it and consequently of who once is self identity heroics is identity overwhelmingly negative injects or injects which are manifestly fake fallacious and manipulative hamper the narcissist and codependent ability to construct a true and efficacious interpretative framework gradually the disharmony between one’s perception of the universe and of oneself and reality becomes unbearable and engenders pathological Mal adoptive and dysfunctional attempts to either deny the hurtful discrepancy Away by
22. 13:46 using delusions or fantasies to grandly compensate for it by eliciting positive external voices to counter the negative inner ones which is a narcissism via the F self and its narcissistic Supply or attack it directly by becoming a psychopath adopting antisocial behaviors another option is to withdraw from the world altogether that’s a schis solution or Disappear by merging and fusing with another person which is of course codependency it’s important to understand that once it is formed and using delusions or fantasies to grandly compensate for it by eliciting positive external voices to counter the negative inner ones which is a narcissism via the F self and its narcissistic Supply or attack it directly by becoming a psychopath adopting antisocial behaviors another option is to withdraw from the world altogether that’s a schis solution or Disappear by merging and fusing with another person which is of course codependency it’s important to understand that once it is formed and
23. 14:21 functioning the force self stifles the growth of the true self and paralyzes it henceforth the orifi true self is virtually non-existence and plays no role active or passive in the conscious life of the narcissist it is difficult to resuscitate the true self even with Psychotherapy the false self sometimes parades the childlike vulnerable needy and innocent true self in order to capture to manipulate and attract empathic sources of narcissistic Supply when Supply is low the false self is emaciated and dilapidated it is unable functioning the force self stifles the growth of the true self and paralyzes it henceforth the orifi true self is virtually non-existence and plays no role active or passive in the conscious life of the narcissist it is difficult to resuscitate the true self even with Psychotherapy the false self sometimes parades the childlike vulnerable needy and innocent true self in order to capture to manipulate and attract empathic sources of narcissistic Supply when Supply is low the false self is emaciated and dilapidated it is unable
24. 14:58 to contain and rep press the true self with which then emerges as a petulent self-destructive spoil and codependent entity childlike entity but the true self’s moments in the sun are very brief and usually inconsequential this substitution is not only a question of Despair and alienation as K kard and Bai observed respectively following the footsteps of the Danish Proto existentialist philosopher horai said that because the idealized false self sets impossible goals to The Narcissist the results of to contain and rep press the true self with which then emerges as a petulent self-destructive spoil and codependent entity childlike entity but the true self’s moments in the sun are very brief and usually inconsequential this substitution is not only a question of Despair and alienation as K kard and Bai observed respectively following the footsteps of the Danish Proto existentialist philosopher horai said that because the idealized false self sets impossible goals to The Narcissist the results of
25. 15:36 frustration and self-hate which grow with every setback or failure but the constant sadistic judgment self beating the suicidal ideation emanate from The Narcissist idealized sadistic super ego regardless of the existence of or functioning of a forse self the forse self is a kind of positive projection the narcissist attributes uh the naris attributes to it all the positive and desired aspects of himself thereby endowing the B self with a quasi separate existence the false self fulfills the role of a Divinity in frustration and self-hate which grow with every setback or failure but the constant sadistic judgment self beating the suicidal ideation emanate from The Narcissist idealized sadistic super ego regardless of the existence of or functioning of a forse self the forse self is a kind of positive projection the narcissist attributes uh the naris attributes to it all the positive and desired aspects of himself thereby endowing the B self with a quasi separate existence the false self fulfills the role of a Divinity in
26. 16:13 the narcissist obsessive compulsive private religion The Narcissist worships the for self and adheres to ceremonies and rituals via which The Narcissist interacts with the false self in a way the narcissist sacrifices his true self to the false self the true self on the other hand is ignored at best and usually denigrated this process is akin to projective splitting when parents project onto The Golden Child positive traits and talents even as they attribute to the scapegoat child negative undesirable qualities in this the narcissist obsessive compulsive private religion The Narcissist worships the for self and adheres to ceremonies and rituals via which The Narcissist interacts with the false self in a way the narcissist sacrifices his true self to the false self the true self on the other hand is ignored at best and usually denigrated this process is akin to projective splitting when parents project onto The Golden Child positive traits and talents even as they attribute to the scapegoat child negative undesirable qualities in this
27. 16:49 sense the narcissist is a parent with two Offspring the true self is a scapegoat the false self is a golden Sharm there is no conflict between the true self and the false self to start with the true self is much too weak to do battle with the overbearing false self secondly the false self is adoptive though it is Mal adoptive it’s still adoptive it helps the true self to cope with the world without the false self the true self would be subjected to so much hurt so much pain that it will disintegrate compensate and disintegrate sense the narcissist is a parent with two Offspring the true self is a scapegoat the false self is a golden Sharm there is no conflict between the true self and the false self to start with the true self is much too weak to do battle with the overbearing false self secondly the false self is adoptive though it is Mal adoptive it’s still adoptive it helps the true self to cope with the world without the false self the true self would be subjected to so much hurt so much pain that it will disintegrate compensate and disintegrate
28. 17:23 this happens to narcissist who go through a life crisis their false ego becomes dysfunctional and they experience a harrowing feeling of annulment the F Ser has many functions the two most important are to serve as a decoy it attracts the fire it is a proxy for the true self it is tough as Nails it can absorb any amount of pain hurt and negative emotions it’s like the host personality in multiple personality disorder by inventing it the child develops immunity to the indifference manipulation sadism smothery or this happens to narcissist who go through a life crisis their false ego becomes dysfunctional and they experience a harrowing feeling of annulment the F Ser has many functions the two most important are to serve as a decoy it attracts the fire it is a proxy for the true self it is tough as Nails it can absorb any amount of pain hurt and negative emotions it’s like the host personality in multiple personality disorder by inventing it the child develops immunity to the indifference manipulation sadism smothery or
29. 17:56 exploitation in other words to the abuse in inflicted on him by his parents or other primary objects in his life the for self is a cloak protecting the child rendering him invisible and omnipotent at the same time the for self is also misinterpreted by the misrepresented by The Narcissist as his true self The Narcissist says in effect I am not who you think I am I’m someone else I am this foral self therefore I deserve a better painless more considerate treat the force self thus is a Contraption exploitation in other words to the abuse in inflicted on him by his parents or other primary objects in his life the for self is a cloak protecting the child rendering him invisible and omnipotent at the same time the for self is also misinterpreted by the misrepresented by The Narcissist as his true self The Narcissist says in effect I am not who you think I am I’m someone else I am this foral self therefore I deserve a better painless more considerate treat the force self thus is a Contraption
30. 18:32 intended to alter other people’s behavior and attitude towards the narcissist these roles are crucial to survival and to the proper psychological functioning of the narcissist the for self is by far more important to the narcissist than his dilapidated dysfunctional true self the true selves are not part of a Continuum as the new Freudian postulate healthy people do not have a false self at all and they don’t defin don’t have a construct which differs from the pathological equivalent intended to alter other people’s behavior and attitude towards the narcissist these roles are crucial to survival and to the proper psychological functioning of the narcissist the for self is by far more important to the narcissist than his dilapidated dysfunctional true self the true selves are not part of a Continuum as the new Freudian postulate healthy people do not have a false self at all and they don’t defin don’t have a construct which differs from the pathological equivalent
31. 19:03 that is more realistic and closer to the true self it is true that even healthy people have a mask Gman s it they have a Persona Jung said it which they consciously present to the world but these are a far cry from the false self which is mostly unconscious and depends on outside feedback forse self is compulsive I repeat again the force uh uh the two selves are not part of a Continuum healthy people do not have a false self which differs from its pathological equivalent in that it is more realistic and closer to the true that is more realistic and closer to the true self it is true that even healthy people have a mask Gman s it they have a Persona Jung said it which they consciously present to the world but these are a far cry from the false self which is mostly unconscious and depends on outside feedback forse self is compulsive I repeat again the force uh uh the two selves are not part of a Continuum healthy people do not have a false self which differs from its pathological equivalent in that it is more realistic and closer to the true
32. 19:39 self the false self is an adductive reaction to pathological circumstances but its Dynamics make it predominant Devour the psyche and prey upon the true self thus it prevents the efficient flexible functioning of the personality as a whole that the narcissist possesses a prominent for self as well as a suppressed and dilapidated true self is common knowledge yet how intertwined and Inseparable are inseparable are these two do they interact how do they influence each other and what behaviors can be attributed squarely to one or the self the false self is an adductive reaction to pathological circumstances but its Dynamics make it predominant Devour the psyche and prey upon the true self thus it prevents the efficient flexible functioning of the personality as a whole that the narcissist possesses a prominent for self as well as a suppressed and dilapidated true self is common knowledge yet how intertwined and Inseparable are inseparable are these two do they interact how do they influence each other and what behaviors can be attributed squarely to one or the
33. 20:15 other of these protagonists moreover does the false self assume traits and attributes of the true self in order to deceive the world let’s start by referring to the of of occurring question why are narcissist actually not thrown to Suicide the simple answer is that narcissists have died a long time ago narcissist are the true zombies of the world many scholars and therapists try to Grapple with a void at the core of the narcissist The Emptiness the common view is that the remnants of the true self other of these protagonists moreover does the false self assume traits and attributes of the true self in order to deceive the world let’s start by referring to the of of occurring question why are narcissist actually not thrown to Suicide the simple answer is that narcissists have died a long time ago narcissist are the true zombies of the world many scholars and therapists try to Grapple with a void at the core of the narcissist The Emptiness the common view is that the remnants of the true self
34. 20:49 are so ossified shredded cowed into submission and repressed that for all practical purposes the true self is dysfunctional and useless in treating the narcissist the therapist often tries to construct and nurture a completely new healthy self rather than build upon the distorted wreckage stwn across the narcissist psyche but what of the rare glimpses of the true self oft reported by those who interact with the narcissist pathological narcissist narcissism is frequently coorbit with other disorders the narcissistic are so ossified shredded cowed into submission and repressed that for all practical purposes the true self is dysfunctional and useless in treating the narcissist the therapist often tries to construct and nurture a completely new healthy self rather than build upon the distorted wreckage stwn across the narcissist psyche but what of the rare glimpses of the true self oft reported by those who interact with the narcissist pathological narcissist narcissism is frequently coorbit with other disorders the narcissistic
35. 21:24 spectrum is made up of gradations and shades of narcissism narcissistic traits or style or even personality or overlay often attached to other disorders comorbidity a person may Well appear to be a full-fledged narcissist May Well appear to be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder but is not in the strict psychiatric sense of the word such in such people the true self is still there and is sometimes observable in a full-fledged narcissis the false self imitates the true self to do do so spectrum is made up of gradations and shades of narcissism narcissistic traits or style or even personality or overlay often attached to other disorders comorbidity a person may Well appear to be a full-fledged narcissist May Well appear to be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder but is not in the strict psychiatric sense of the word such in such people the true self is still there and is sometimes observable in a full-fledged narcissis the false self imitates the true self to do do so
36. 21:59 to do so artfully and successfully the false self deploys two mechanisms the first one is reinterpretation the false self causes the narcissist to reinterpret certain emotions and reactions in a flattering socially acceptable light The Narcissist May for instance interpret fear as compassion if the narcissist hurts someone whom he fears for example an authority figure he may feel bad afterwards and interpret his discomfort as empathy and in compassion to be afraid is humility to be compassionate is commendable and to do so artfully and successfully the false self deploys two mechanisms the first one is reinterpretation the false self causes the narcissist to reinterpret certain emotions and reactions in a flattering socially acceptable light The Narcissist May for instance interpret fear as compassion if the narcissist hurts someone whom he fears for example an authority figure he may feel bad afterwards and interpret his discomfort as empathy and in compassion to be afraid is humility to be compassionate is commendable and
37. 22:34 earns the narcissist social Commendation and understanding narcissistic Supply the second mechanism mechanism is emulation the narcissist is possessed of an uncanny ability to psychologically penetrate other people I call it cold empathy often this gift is abused and put at the service of the narcissist control freakery and sadism narcissist uses this called empathy liberally to annihilate the natural defenses of his victims by faking empathy this capacity is coupled with the narcissist IR reability to imitate earns the narcissist social Commendation and understanding narcissistic Supply the second mechanism mechanism is emulation the narcissist is possessed of an uncanny ability to psychologically penetrate other people I call it cold empathy often this gift is abused and put at the service of the narcissist control freakery and sadism narcissist uses this called empathy liberally to annihilate the natural defenses of his victims by faking empathy this capacity is coupled with the narcissist IR reability to imitate
38. 23:11 emotions and their attendant behaviors effect the narcissist possesses emotional resonance tables he keeps records of every action and reaction every utterance and consequence every datum provided by others regarding their state of mind and emotional makeup from these he then constructs a set of formulas which often result in impeccably accurate trenditions of emotional behavior and this can be enormously disorienting and deceiving The Narcissist true self is introverted and dysfunctional in healthy emotions and their attendant behaviors effect the narcissist possesses emotional resonance tables he keeps records of every action and reaction every utterance and consequence every datum provided by others regarding their state of mind and emotional makeup from these he then constructs a set of formulas which often result in impeccably accurate trenditions of emotional behavior and this can be enormously disorienting and deceiving The Narcissist true self is introverted and dysfunctional in healthy
39. 23:47 people ego functions are generated from the inside from the ego in narcissist the ego is dormant Kos The Narcissist needs the input of and feedback from the outside world from others in order to perform the most basic ego functions for example recognize the world set boundaries form a self-de or identity differentiate oneself regulate self-esteem and sense of selfworth etc etc these are all ego functions this input of feedback from the outside is what I call narcissistic Supply only the false self gets in touch people ego functions are generated from the inside from the ego in narcissist the ego is dormant Kos The Narcissist needs the input of and feedback from the outside world from others in order to perform the most basic ego functions for example recognize the world set boundaries form a self-de or identity differentiate oneself regulate self-esteem and sense of selfworth etc etc these are all ego functions this input of feedback from the outside is what I call narcissistic Supply only the false self gets in touch
40. 24:25 with the world the true self is isolated repressed unconscious a shadow the fourth self therefore is a kind of Hive self or swarm self it is a collage of Reflections a patchwork of outsourced information tidbits garnered from the narcissist interlocs and anecdotes laboriously cohered and assembled so as to uphold and butress and narcissist inflated fantastic and grandio self-image this discontinuity accounts for the dissociative nature of pathological narcissism as well as for the narcissist seeming inability to learn from the with the world the true self is isolated repressed unconscious a shadow the fourth self therefore is a kind of Hive self or swarm self it is a collage of Reflections a patchwork of outsourced information tidbits garnered from the narcissist interlocs and anecdotes laboriously cohered and assembled so as to uphold and butress and narcissist inflated fantastic and grandio self-image this discontinuity accounts for the dissociative nature of pathological narcissism as well as for the narcissist seeming inability to learn from the
41. 25:05 errors and uh and mistakes of his ways and of his life but the question another interesting question is how did narcissist experience his life what is the inner experience of such a shattered discontinuous existence does the narcissist feel that he is one person one entity does does he um does he consider himself discontinuous like a broken mirror with numerous shards The Narcissist experiences his own life as a prolonged incomprehensible unpredictable frequently terrifying and deeply saddening nightmare this is a errors and uh and mistakes of his ways and of his life but the question another interesting question is how did narcissist experience his life what is the inner experience of such a shattered discontinuous existence does the narcissist feel that he is one person one entity does does he um does he consider himself discontinuous like a broken mirror with numerous shards The Narcissist experiences his own life as a prolonged incomprehensible unpredictable frequently terrifying and deeply saddening nightmare this is a
42. 25:46 result of the functional dichotomy fostered by The Narcissist himself between his false self and his true self the latter the fossilized ashes of the original immature personality is the one one that does the experiencing the force self is nothing but a concoction a figment of the narcissist disorder a reflection in the narcissist wall of mirrors it is incapable of feeling emoting experiencing yet it is fully the master of the psychodynamic processes which rage within the narcissist psych psyche result of the functional dichotomy fostered by The Narcissist himself between his false self and his true self the latter the fossilized ashes of the original immature personality is the one one that does the experiencing the force self is nothing but a concoction a figment of the narcissist disorder a reflection in the narcissist wall of mirrors it is incapable of feeling emoting experiencing yet it is fully the master of the psychodynamic processes which rage within the narcissist psych psyche
43. 26:20 this inner battle is so Fierce that the true self experiences it is a diffuse though imminent and eminently ominous threat anxiety ensues The Narcissist finds himself constantly ready for the next blow flight fight or freeze The Narcissist does things and he knows not why he does them or where from he says things he acts and behaves in way ways which he knows endanger him and put him in line for punishment but he cannot control them the narcissist hurts people around him breaks the law violates this inner battle is so Fierce that the true self experiences it is a diffuse though imminent and eminently ominous threat anxiety ensues The Narcissist finds himself constantly ready for the next blow flight fight or freeze The Narcissist does things and he knows not why he does them or where from he says things he acts and behaves in way ways which he knows endanger him and put him in line for punishment but he cannot control them the narcissist hurts people around him breaks the law violates
44. 26:56 accepted morality he knows that he is in the wrong and feels ill At Ease on the rare moments that he does feel at all he wants to stop but he doesn’t know how gradually the narcissist is estrange from himself he feels alienated from his from himself he’s possessed but by some kind of a demon to use more ancient terminology is like a puppet on an invisible mental string he resents this feeling he wants to Rebel he is repelled by this part in him with which is not acquainted in his efforts to exercise accepted morality he knows that he is in the wrong and feels ill At Ease on the rare moments that he does feel at all he wants to stop but he doesn’t know how gradually the narcissist is estrange from himself he feels alienated from his from himself he’s possessed but by some kind of a demon to use more ancient terminology is like a puppet on an invisible mental string he resents this feeling he wants to Rebel he is repelled by this part in him with which is not acquainted in his efforts to exercise
45. 27:31 this devil from his soul The Narcissist dissociates an eerie sensation sets in and pervades the psyche of the narcissist at times of crisis of danger of depression of failure and of narcissistic injury The Narcissist feels that he is watching himself from the outside this is not an out of body or astral experience The Narcissist does not really exit his body it is just that he assumes in involuntarily the position of a spectator an observer a polite Observer mildly interested in the where whereabouts of one Mr this devil from his soul The Narcissist dissociates an eerie sensation sets in and pervades the psyche of the narcissist at times of crisis of danger of depression of failure and of narcissistic injury The Narcissist feels that he is watching himself from the outside this is not an out of body or astral experience The Narcissist does not really exit his body it is just that he assumes in involuntarily the position of a spectator an observer a polite Observer mildly interested in the where whereabouts of one Mr
46. 28:08 narcissis it is akin to watching a movie The Illusion is not complete neither is it precise this dissociation this Detachment continues for as long as the narcissist eonic Behavior persists for as long as the crisis goes on for as long as the narcissist cannot face who he is what he’s doing and the consequences of his actions since this is the case most of the time the narcissist gets used to seeing himself in the role of the protagonist usually the hero of a motion picture the main character in some novel it also sits narcissis it is akin to watching a movie The Illusion is not complete neither is it precise this dissociation this Detachment continues for as long as the narcissist eonic Behavior persists for as long as the crisis goes on for as long as the narcissist cannot face who he is what he’s doing and the consequences of his actions since this is the case most of the time the narcissist gets used to seeing himself in the role of the protagonist usually the hero of a motion picture the main character in some novel it also sits
47. 28:46 well with his grandiosity and Fantasies sometimes a narcissist talks about himself in the third person singular sometimes he calls his other narcissistic self by a different name altogether The Narcissist describes his life his the events in his life ups and downs pains Elation disappointments in the most remote clinical professional and coldly analytical voice as though he were describing though with a modum of involvement the life of some exotic insect and this of course Echoes kfka metamorphosis the metaphor of life is a well with his grandiosity and Fantasies sometimes a narcissist talks about himself in the third person singular sometimes he calls his other narcissistic self by a different name altogether The Narcissist describes his life his the events in his life ups and downs pains Elation disappointments in the most remote clinical professional and coldly analytical voice as though he were describing though with a modum of involvement the life of some exotic insect and this of course Echoes kfka metamorphosis the metaphor of life is a
48. 29:25 movie gaining control by writing a scenario or by inventing a narrative is therefore not a modern modern invention caveman narcissists have probably done the same but this is only the external superficial facet of the disorder the Crux of the problem is that a narcissist really feels this way he actually experiences his life as belonging to someone else as not his own he doesn’t own his life he experiences his body as a dead weight or as an instrument in the service of some entity his deeds is movie gaining control by writing a scenario or by inventing a narrative is therefore not a modern modern invention caveman narcissists have probably done the same but this is only the external superficial facet of the disorder the Crux of the problem is that a narcissist really feels this way he actually experiences his life as belonging to someone else as not his own he doesn’t own his life he experiences his body as a dead weight or as an instrument in the service of some entity his deeds is
49. 29:59 immoral and not immoral he cannot be judged for something he didn’t do can he as time passes The Narcissist accumulates a mountain of mishaps conflicts unresolved um pains well hidden abrupt separations bitter disappointments he is subjected to a constant barrage of social criticism and condemnation he’s ashamed he’s feels guilty sometimes he’s fearful narcissist knows that something is wrong if not with him then with the world but there is no correlation between his cognition and his emotions The immoral and not immoral he cannot be judged for something he didn’t do can he as time passes The Narcissist accumulates a mountain of mishaps conflicts unresolved um pains well hidden abrupt separations bitter disappointments he is subjected to a constant barrage of social criticism and condemnation he’s ashamed he’s feels guilty sometimes he’s fearful narcissist knows that something is wrong if not with him then with the world but there is no correlation between his cognition and his emotions The
50. 30:35 Narcissist prefers to run away to hide as he did when he was a child only this time he hides behind another self a false one people reflect to The Narcissist this mask of his Creation The False self until even the narcissist begins to believe its very existence and acknowledges it dominance until the The Narcissist forgets the truth and knows no better about himself the narcissist is only dimly aware of the decisive battle which rages inside him he feels somehow threatened very sad suicidal but Narcissist prefers to run away to hide as he did when he was a child only this time he hides behind another self a false one people reflect to The Narcissist this mask of his Creation The False self until even the narcissist begins to believe its very existence and acknowledges it dominance until the The Narcissist forgets the truth and knows no better about himself the narcissist is only dimly aware of the decisive battle which rages inside him he feels somehow threatened very sad suicidal but
51. 31:13 there seems to be no outside cause for all this and it makes it even more mysteriously menacing this dissonance these negative emotions these nagging anxieties transform the narcissist motion picture solution into to a permanent one it becomes a feature of the narcissist life and a fixture whenever confronted by an emotional threat or by an existential one The Narcissist Retreats into this Haven this mode of coping he relegates responsibility submissively assuming passive role he who is not responsible there seems to be no outside cause for all this and it makes it even more mysteriously menacing this dissonance these negative emotions these nagging anxieties transform the narcissist motion picture solution into to a permanent one it becomes a feature of the narcissist life and a fixture whenever confronted by an emotional threat or by an existential one The Narcissist Retreats into this Haven this mode of coping he relegates responsibility submissively assuming passive role he who is not responsible
52. 31:49 cannot be punished runs the subtext of this capitulation the narcissist is thus conditioned to annihilate himself both in order to avoid emotional pain and to bask in the glow of his impossibly grandio fantasies this he does with fantastic with fanatic Zeal and with efficacy prospectively he assigns his very life decisions he had made judgments to be passed agreements to be reached to the force self retroactively he reinterprets his past life in a manner consistent with the current needs of the for self cannot be punished runs the subtext of this capitulation the narcissist is thus conditioned to annihilate himself both in order to avoid emotional pain and to bask in the glow of his impossibly grandio fantasies this he does with fantastic with fanatic Zeal and with efficacy prospectively he assigns his very life decisions he had made judgments to be passed agreements to be reached to the force self retroactively he reinterprets his past life in a manner consistent with the current needs of the for self
53. 32:27 it is no wonder therefore that there is no connection between what the narcissist did feel in a given period of his life or in relation to a specific event and the way he sees or remembers these later on the narcissist May describe certain occurrences certain phases in his life as tedious painful sad and burdening even though he experienced them entirely differently at that time the same retroactive coloring occurs with regards to people The Narcissist completely distorts the way he regarded certain people and felt it is no wonder therefore that there is no connection between what the narcissist did feel in a given period of his life or in relation to a specific event and the way he sees or remembers these later on the narcissist May describe certain occurrences certain phases in his life as tedious painful sad and burdening even though he experienced them entirely differently at that time the same retroactive coloring occurs with regards to people The Narcissist completely distorts the way he regarded certain people and felt
54. 33:01 about them this rewriting of his personal history is aimed to directly and fully accommodate the requirements of his false self in some The Narcissist does not occupy his own soul nor does he inhabit his own body he is the servant of an apparition of a reflection of an ego function to please and appease his master the false self narcissist sacrifices to it his very life his very self from that moment onwards The Narcissist lives vicariously through the god good offices of the false self exclusively throughout all this about them this rewriting of his personal history is aimed to directly and fully accommodate the requirements of his false self in some The Narcissist does not occupy his own soul nor does he inhabit his own body he is the servant of an apparition of a reflection of an ego function to please and appease his master the false self narcissist sacrifices to it his very life his very self from that moment onwards The Narcissist lives vicariously through the god good offices of the false self exclusively throughout all this
55. 33:42 narcissist feels detached alienated and estranged from his false self he constantly Harbors The Sensation that he is watching a movie with a plot over which he has little control it is with a certain interest even Fascination that he does the watching of the movie still it is mere passive observation there’s an external locus of control and consequently alloplastic defenses blaming the world for everything that happens to the narcissist the perception that the narcissist life is ruled and controlled from the outside thus not narcissist feels detached alienated and estranged from his false self he constantly Harbors The Sensation that he is watching a movie with a plot over which he has little control it is with a certain interest even Fascination that he does the watching of the movie still it is mere passive observation there’s an external locus of control and consequently alloplastic defenses blaming the world for everything that happens to the narcissist the perception that the narcissist life is ruled and controlled from the outside thus not
56. 34:18 only does the narcissist relinquish control of his future Life the movie he gradually loses ground to the forse self in the battle to preserve the integrity and genuine genuiness of his past experiences eroded by these two processes The Narcissist gradually disappears vanishes and is replaced by his disorder to the fullest possible extent thank you for listening only does the narcissist relinquish control of his future Life the movie he gradually loses ground to the forse self in the battle to preserve the integrity and genuine genuiness of his past experiences eroded by these two processes The Narcissist gradually disappears vanishes and is replaced by his disorder to the fullest possible extent thank you for listening