My name is Sam Vaknin. I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.
Narcissists are often vindictive. They stalk, they harass, they intimidate. Basically, there are only two ways of coping with vindictive narcissists, either to frighten them or to lure them.
Start with frightening them.
Narcissists live in a constant state of repressed aggression. Envy, hatred, and rage. They firmly believe that everyone else is precisely like them. As a result, they are paranoid, suspicious, scared, labile, and unpredictable.
Frightening the narcissist is a powerful behavior modification tool. If sufficiently deterred, the narcissist promptly disengages, gives up everything he fought for, sometimes makes amends.
To act effectively, one has to identify the vulnerabilities and susceptibilities of the narcissist, the chinks in his armor, and strike repeated escalating blows at them, till the narcissist lets go and vanishes.
Example. If the narcissist has a secret, one should use this fact to threaten him. One should drop cryptic hints that there are mysterious witnesses to the events and recently revealed evidence.
The narcissist is a very vivid imagination. Let his imagination do the work for you.
The narcissist may have been involved in tax evasion, malpractice, child abuse, infidelity and adultery. There are so many possibilities which offer a rich vein of attack.
If done cleverly, noncommittally, gradually and increasingly, the narcissist crumbles, disengages, detaches, and disappears. It lowers his profile thoroughly in the hope of avoiding hurt, pain, and criminal persecution.
Most narcissists have been known to disown and abandon a whole pathological narcissistic space. In other words, they have been known to relocate, in response to a well-focused campaign by their victims.
Thus, the narcissist may leave town, change his job, abandon the field of professional interest, and avoid friends and acquaintances, only to relieve the unrelenting pressure exerted on him by his victims.
I repeat, most of the drama takes place in the paranoid mind of the narcissist. His imagination runs anarch. He finds himself snarled by horrifying scenarios pursued by the vilest certainties that form in his fertile, fibrile mind.
The narcissist is his own worst persecutor or prosecutor. You don’t have to do much, except utter a vague reference, make an ominous allusion, delineate a possible turn of events. The narcissist will do the rest for you.
He is like a small child in the dark, generating the very monsters that paralyze him with fear.
Needless to say, emphasize and repeat that all these activities have to be pursued legally, preferably through the good services of law officers and in broad daylight. Done the wrong way, they might constitute extortion or blackmail, harassment, and a host of other criminal offenses.
Be very careful, because you would be treading a thin line between legality and illegality should you choose to frighten the narcissist.
The alternative is, of course, to lure the vindictive narcissist. The other way to neutralize him is to offer him continued narcissistic supply until the war is over and had been won by you.
Deserted by the drive of narcissistic supply, the narcissist immediately becomes tamed, forgets his vindictiveness and triumphantly takes over his new property and territory.
Under the influence of narcissistic supply, the narcissist is unable to tell when he is being manipulated. He is blind, dumb, and deaf.
You can make the narcissist do anything by offering, withholding, or threatening to withhold narcissistic supply.
Adulation, admiration, attention, sex, or subservience are the tools, the weapons in your arsenal in coping with vindictive, dangerous stalkers and paranoia.
