I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.
You are being abused frequently and repeatedly. Should you get the police involved, if you want the nightmare to end, there is a rule of thumb which requires courage and determination to implement.
Involve the police and law enforcement authorities whenever possible. Report his crimes as soon as you can. Make sure that you retain a copy of your complaint.
Your abuser counts on your fear of him and on your natural propensity to keep domestic problems a secret. Expose him to scrutiny and to the penalties of the law. This will make him reconsider his actions next time around.
Physical assault is a criminal offense, and so is rape, and in some countries stalking and marital rape. If you have been physically or sexually assaulted, go to the nearest hospital and document your injuries. Be sure to obtain copies of the admission form, the medical evaluation report, and of any photographs and exam results, x-rays, computerized tomography, biopsies, MRIs, and so on.
If your abusive, intimate partner verbally threatens you, your nearest and dearest, or your property or even pets, this is also criminal conduct. To the best of your ability, get him on tape or make him repeat his threats in the presence of witnesses. Then promptly file a complaint with the police.
If your abuser forces you to remain indoors in isolation, he is committing an offense. Forced confinement or imprisonment is illegal. While so incarcerated, failing to provide you with vital necessities such as air, water, medical aid, and food is yet another criminal act.
Damage to property rendering it inoperative or useless is mischief. It is punishable by law.
Same goes for cruelty to animals, let alone children. If your partner swindled you out of funds or committed fraud, theft, or perjury by falsifying your signature on a checking or credit card account, report him to the police.
Financial abuse is as pernicious as the physical variety. In most countries, the police must respond to your complaint. They cannot just file it away or suppress it. They must talk to you and to your partner separately and obtain written and signed statements from both parties.
The police officer on the scene must inform you of your legal options and rights. The officer in charge must also furnish you with a list of domestic violence shelters and other forms of help available in your community.
If you suspect that a member of your family is being abused, the police in most countries can obtain a warrant permitting entry into the premises to inspect the situation. They are also authorized to help the victim relocate, leave, and to assist her in any way, including by applying on her behalf and with her consent to the courts to obtain restraining and emergency protection orders.
A breach of either of these kinds of orders may be an indictable criminal offense as well as a civil offense.
If you decide to pursue the matter and if there are reasonable grounds to do so, the police will likely lay charges against the offender and accuse your partner of assault.
Actually, your consent is only a matter of formality and is not strictly required by law. The police can charge an offender on the basis of evidence only and without your consent.
If the team on the scene refuses to lay charges, you have the right to talk to the senior police officer. If you cannot sway them to act, you can lay charges yourself by going to the courthouse and filing with the justice of the peace.
The justice of the peace must let you lay charges. It is your inalienable right. You cannot deny it to you. You cannot withdraw charges laid by the police and you most probably will be subpoenaed to testify against your abuser.
So, should you get the courts involved?
Watch your next video for the answers.
