My name is Sam Vaknin. I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.
Pathological narcissism is an addiction to narcissistic supply, attention, admiration, adulation. This is the narcissist’s drug of choice. It actively seeks attention in order to regulate his sense of self-worth. It therefore not surprising that other addictive and reckless behaviors such as war-camelism, alcoholism, drug abuse, pathological gambling, compulsory shopping, reckless driving, and even compulsive lying, piggyback on this primary dependence on narcissistic supply.
The narcissist, like other types of addicts, derives pleasure from these exploits. But they also sustain and enhance his grandiose fantasies as unique, superior, entitled, and chosen. These addictive behaviors place him above the laws and pressures of the maintain and away from the humiliating and sobering demands of reality. They render him the center of attention, but also place him in splendid isolation from the maddening and inferior crowd.
Such compulsory and wild pursuits provide a psychological exoskeleton.
These addictive behaviors are a substitute to quotidian existence. They afford the narcissist with an agenda, timetable, goals, and achievements.
The narcissist, being an adrenaline junkie, feels that he is in control, alert, excited, and vital when he does drugs, when he drinks, when he drives recklessly, when he gambles pathologically, and even when he lies. He does not regard his condition as dependence.
The narcissist firmly believes that he is in charge of his addiction, that he can quit at will and on short notice. The narcissist denies his cravings for fear of losing face and subverting the flawless, perfect, immaculate, and omnipotent image that he is trying to project.
When caught red-handed at one of these addictive behaviors, the narcissist underestimates, rationalizes, and intellectualizes his addictive and reckless behaviors. He converts them into an integral part of his grandiose and fantastic 4-cell.
Thus, for instance, a drug-abusing narcissist may claim to be conducting first-hand research for the benefit of humanity. He may say that his substance abuse results in enhanced creativity and productivity for the benefit of mankind.
The dependence of some narcissists becomes a way of life. Busy corporate executives, race car drivers, or professional gamblers may all be narcissists engaging in these behaviors.
The narcissist’s addictive behaviors take his mind off his inherent limitations. They divert him from his inevitable failures, from his painful and much-feared rejection, and they serve to bridge what I call the grandiosity gap.
The abyss between the image that the narcissist projects, his false self, and the injurious truth, his drug reality, his shabby existence.
This gap is very painful for the narcissist, and he uses these compulsive, reckless behaviors doing drugs, drinking, gambling, recklessly driving, the logical line, uses these behaviors to bridge the gap.
This conduct relieves his anxiety, results attention between his unrealistic expectations of life and his inflated self-image, and the incommensurate achievements, his low position and status, his non-recognition, his mediocre intelligence, his non-existent wealth, and his less than impressive physique.
Thus, there is no point in treating the dependence and recklessness of the narcissist without first treating the underlying personality disorder.
The narcissist’s addictions serve deeply ingrained emotional needs. They intermesh seamlessly with the pathological structure of the narcissist’s disorganized personality, with his character faults, with his primitive defense mechanisms.
Techniques such as 12 steps may prove more efficacious in treating the narcissist’s grandiosity, rigidity, sense of entitlement, exploitativeness, and lack of empathy.
This is because, as opposed to traditional treatment modalities, the emphasis is on tackling the narcissist’s psychological makeup rather than on merely modifying his behavior.
The narcissist’s overwhelming need to feel omnipotent, all-powerful, and superior can be co-opted in the therapeutic process. Overcoming an addictive behavior can be, truthfully, presented by a therapist as a rare and impressive feat worthy of the narcissist’s unique method.
It can be presented to the narcissist as a challenge. If he is truly omnipotent and all-powerful and superior, can he stop his habits? Can he cease to take drugs? Can he not drink anymore?
It’s a challenge, and the narcissist will rise to the challenge nearly in order to support his fallacious self-image and to restore his self-confidence, self-esteem, and sense of self-worth.
Narcissists fall for these transparent features surprisingly often, but this approach can also backfire, unfortunately.
Should the narcissist relapse, which is almost a certainty occurrence, narcissists are recidivists, or should he relapse back to his old habits, he will feel ashamed to admit his fallibility, his need for emotional sustenance, and his impotence.
He is likely to avoid treatment altogether then, and convince himself that now, having succeeded once to get rid of his addiction, he is self-sufficient and omniscient. He needs no one. He can do it all by himself next time.
So it’s a double-edged sword, laying up to the narcissist for self–co-opting it, leveraging it to cure the narcissist of his addictive behaviors may backfire.
Next time around, the narcissist may be too ashamed to admit reality and may sort of go into a delusional mode of phase and live forever in a fantasy world where he is in control, regardless of his uncontrollable urges and behaviors.
